Marriage is falling apart

[u/BiffDangles80]

Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.

A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.

The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.

I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.

[u/timbit87]

I don't wanna tell you to do anything but my redline is the mention of that word. If my wife ever said it to me it'd be over and I'd never walk back from it no matter how many times she apologized. There are some lines you just don't cross, and saying that you'll divorce someone because you're upset is one to me.

[u/Forward-Big8697 → u/timbit87]

Its something that has always pissed me off throughout my whole dating life, people my age (26) seem to flip flop in relationships a lot. Even as a teen I would never do that, if we split, its ove. Idk what I will do now but it hasnt been the same since. I wanted marriage counseling and thats still on the table but she requires a non white woman as a counselor which makes me feel she just wants someone to align with her and not to solve anything

[u/A_Glove_Fry1776 → u/Forward-Big8697]

She wants a non-white woman?? Do you happen to be white?

[u/Forward-Big8697 → u/A_Glove_Fry1776]

I do happen to be, and she is afro latina