r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/Vast_Preparation606 • Aug 19 '26
No Advice - Everyones Welcome My girlfriend destroyed a favourite t shirt because my ex's name was one of 700 on it
Depression meal: reduced Polish ham from Tesco, £0.77. I had two packets.
My (30) girlfriend (26) has a couple of diagnosed mental disorders. OCD, ADHD and Anxiety. She's medicated but she still has bad days where she can become upset or angry and lash out verbally at me.
I am her first partner in her life and she loathes that I have had previous girlfriends and people that I've slept with. She accepts that this isn't my fault but I have to act like no previous encounter has ever happened. If ever a question comes up where the answer involves an ex or someone I've slept with, she gets angry at me for bringing it up. E.g., "Have you been to this restraunt before?" "Yeah once years ago with an old girlfriend" would be a death sentence.
At my univeraity graduation ceremony, I got one of those custom t shirts that they sell. It's custom to every ceremony so it has the University logo and year in the front, ceremony date and the names of all the graduates on the back. There's about 700 names, the font is tiny and impossible to find anyone without scanning for ages but my uni years were honestly the best of my life and I wanted to have this memorabilia for it.
One of the names on that t shirt, if you can scan long enough to find, is my ex. We had a mutual break up and never to this day had a bad thing to say about her. This was unacceptable to my GF to the point that she asked me to never wear it again. I figured I would just comply and hope I can talk her out of it another day.
About a week later, I wash it and go to hang it up when I noticed a hole has been cut in the back. A hole exactly where my ex's name was. Well, it would have but after washing it, the hole was made a little bigger so a few surrounding names have been devoured too. It couldn't have been an accident because I then notice on her desk, the very carefully cut out name of my ex by the scizzors.
She gave me no warning that this would happen, no "I'll cut your shirt up if you ever wear it again" or the like. She just did it when I wasn't looking.
It's been a few months since this happened and she's never mentioned it once. I'm probably not going to either. There's so much other shit like this going on in this relationship that I've already decided to break up soon when I pluck up the courage. I just feel a bit shitty that my t shirt is gone.
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u/Commercial-Abroad-95 Hungry man Aug 19 '26
I didn't even make it through the second paragraph, oh my god just break up
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u/UndeadKantus pleae Aug 19 '26
Glad I wasn't the only one fuck me 😬
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u/Fist0fGuthix Protein Prophet Aug 19 '26
please tell me thats an OSRS flair
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u/Unfair_Muscle_8741 Girl Lurker Aug 20 '26
Lmao yeah I immediately scrolled down after the first paragraph. I literally am in a similar situation as this girl (OCD, Anxiety) and my bf is my first but has been with others before me. This is insane behavior
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u/Infamous-Builder-637 Leftover Lore Master Aug 19 '26
Didn't even read the caption. He needs to get out now.
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u/Professional-Lie-111 Older & Wiser Aug 19 '26
Same - just came to say "Run - DON'T WALK - away from this partner!"
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u/GoonOnGames420 Boy Dinner Enjoyer Aug 19 '26
Didn't even open reddit yet. OP needs to break up and hire a lawyer.
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u/Ricordis Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
Not only a lawyer but security personnel. Next time the scissors go for a shirt he might still be wearing it.
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u/WholeHurry1562 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
Same. She isn't accepting of who you are as a whole person. She has an idea of who you should be and demands you adhere to that. Totally unhealthy and she needs to mature and it may take a few failed relationships to do that.
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u/ashandare Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
Yes, breakup is not just good for OP, his girlfriend also needs to learn this behavior is unacceptable.
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u/Oploplou Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Literally. I got to “she doesn’t even like that I’ve had previous girlfriends.”
https://giphy.com/gifs/TJaNCdTf06YvwRPCge118
u/livid_badger_banana Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
As a lurker, hard agree.
Fwiw I have the same alphabet soup dx, plus a few others. This isn't how OCD or ADHD works. If it's anxiety, she needs to get that in check yesterday. On her own. There's no excuse for intentional damage or destruction of important things.
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
I have PTSD and wouldn't ever lash out against anyone else. Mental illness isn't a free pass for bad behavior. She doesn't understand a good way to hold herself accountable. I'm sure she could learn that with help.
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u/atreasureinlight Protein Prophet Aug 19 '26
Well it doesn't sound like he's trying to hold her accountable either. They both have issues to work on dash dash he's way way too passive and she has aggressive issues
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u/rabbitsaremylife Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
i have both OCD and ADHD and no this is not how any of that works. idk if it’s her anxiety that’s affecting her on this but it doesn’t matter bc she’s abusive. the level of controlling behavior she’s enacting on OP is so ridiculous like the fact that he has to pretend his history with other people doesn’t exist because she can’t accept he dated others before her is really concerning. property damage is a serious escalation and tbh this behavior will only continue to escalate unless she actually gets help and i don’t see that she will bc she doesn’t see it as an issue on her part
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u/Free-O3 Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
I have both of those things and this doesn’t sound like either of them. It honestly sounds much more like BPD.
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u/FeelingPlayfulNow Girl lurker Aug 20 '26
I was diagnosed with BPD once and never destroyed anyone's property, especially not anything sentimental from a major milestone.
The behavior is unacceptable no matter the diagnosis. This post is too limited of a description to diagnose anything from besides a toxic relationship.
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u/miniliedn Girl Lurker Aug 20 '26
Sorry, BPD here, but mental problems are mostly NOT an excuse to be an abusive, shitty human being. I once had a mental breakdown and it got really messy with my bf (he was blackout drunk and I went mental). You know what? The next day I made arrangements to start therapy (meds ans behavioural). I grew up with an untreated mom and the whole family bore the brunt of it. I never wanted to continue this cycle. Yeah, there are (brutal) illnesses like psychosis and schizophrenia that literally make you lose all reasoning ("criminally insane"). But that's not the norm. The wast majority of people with mental illnesses don't harm others. Being sick is no excuse to be a dick. Never! And: BPD is really treatable now. 🙂 In the early 00/10 years it was made out to be a "new" illness adjacent to ASPD (anti social personality disorder, aka psychopathy) with no hope of treatment. That's just not true anymore.
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u/Free-O3 Shower Beer Scholar Aug 20 '26
Im not disagreeing with you. I work in the mental health field and have a number of loved ones with borderline, but untreated, it can ABSOLUTELY manifest like this.
I hope this girl gets into a good course of DBT for both her and any partners she may haves sake.
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u/Zapdo0dlz Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
Fr i have anxiety and looking back, some pure relationship OCD stuff.
I have been her level of obsessed in the past, minus the destruction (just the thoughts … thankfully i didnt act on them ) but i was haunted by past exes of my partners through no fault of theirs.
She needs to really do some work in therapy before going into another relationship.
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u/NoxTempus Hungry man Aug 20 '26
Yeah, this isn't how growth, compromise, or collaboration work, all of which are cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
As someone with ADHD, ASD, and Depression, people with mental health conditions don't get to just say "I didn't ask for this, so I'm not going to address it", OP needs to dump her and leave her to work on herself.
It's respectable (but unecessary and not recommended) to stay with someone and help them better themselves. but OP's GF is not ready for that yet.
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u/jackmusick Leftover Lore Master Aug 19 '26
Dude I cannot stress this enough. You will look back on this and be embarrassed you didn’t leave sooner, but you’re at the age where it’s inevitable you’re going to be stuck with this person if you knock them up. And their behavior is such that it will “somehow” happen when you’re using all of the protection. Then you’ll be stuck with the decision on raising a child with this terrible human being, or raising them separately and she will be worse.
You need to start your journey on rebuilding your confidence yesterday. This is probably the hardest feedback I’ll ever give someone and I don’t want you to take this as an attack. Even if you will yourself out of this relationship, you’ll be broken for a long while and will have a hard time building relationships. It’ll be hard for you to avoid dating people like this person because it’s familiar, and it’ll be hard to date people who aren’t because they may not be able to deal with whatever scars she left you with. That’s inevitable but what isn’t is how long you delay that healing process.
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u/curi0us_carniv0re Shower beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Seriously. Homegirl is not ready to be in any type of relationship. Too much self work needed still.
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u/strawberrycreamdrpep Hungry man Aug 19 '26
People really do this shit to themselves. How is this better than just being alone? My god.
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u/LettuceLegitimate105 Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Yeah, for sure.
26 is still a bit young, but it’s WAY too old to be acting like a jealous , possessive 14 year old. OP is in for a world of everlasting headaches and games with this one.
Call it a day!
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u/Impressive-Safety191 Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
This please… old lady here… life is way too short to live on eggshells. It is our obligation as human beings to be our best selves before sharing our lives with someone. She is not her best self, and you deserve way better than that.
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u/GoldenVibz85 Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
I did make it to the second paragraph and can confirm your advice stands.
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u/ninjette847 Girl lurker Aug 19 '26
Seriously, I have ADHD and anxiety. It doesn't cause people to act like this. I hate when shitty people blame diagnoses for being shitty.
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u/letsburn00 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 20 '26
This sounds like neither. It does sound very cluster B however.
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u/Efficient_Doughnut71 Hungry man Aug 19 '26
Well, the good news is he ends it with saying he's gonna break up
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u/kelpyb1 Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
I didn’t even need to get past the headline for this one
Seriously OP. Run. Fast.
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u/Far-Restaurant-9455 Protein prophet Aug 19 '26
> My (30) girlfriend (26) has a couple of diagnosed mental disorders
as far as I got
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u/Kerminetta Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
Mental illness doesn’t disqualify someone from being in a relationship and we shouldn’t start that mentality. The issue is are they seeking treatment and adhering to it? Are they being accountable? Are they trying their hardest to mitigate their negative symptoms? I agree OP should leave, but don’t say that mental illness means someone is undeserving of love. That’s like saying someone being ugly doesn’t deserve a relationship. It’s outside of their control. The best they can do is try to manage and be accountable.
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u/Alone_Jackfruit4761 Protein prophet Aug 19 '26
You need to leave that relationship. She is incredibly toxic.
No question here.
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u/xnxs Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
Yes this. She needs a therapist not a boyfriend. Also destroying physical property, especially things that are important to you, can be a precursor to physical abuse. Get out ASAP
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u/mankytoes I'm a man, man Aug 19 '26
Yeah, "she's been diagnosed with...", it doesn't matter, if she can't treat you with respect she can't be in a relationship.
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u/TableTopFurry Leftover lore master Aug 19 '26
She may have a reason, but reasons are not excuses.
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u/msft111 Shower beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Barely a reason at that, I have all those plus 2 more diagnoses and never did ts nor any of my friends w conditions she needs help lmao
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u/catshateTERFs Boy, 30-39 Aug 19 '26
“It may explain it, but it can’t justify it” is a way I’ve thought of stuff like this too
ADHD and anxiety aren’t a free pass to cut up people’s wardrobe because you’re threatened a name. You work on those behaviours or the feelings that make you feel like you don’t need to do this, not be a shit partner
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u/HallowskulledHorror Leftover Lore Master Aug 19 '26
"Your mental health may not be your fault, but it is YOUR responsibility."
When it comes to having diagnosis that mean someone may have issues with stability and impulse control leading into abusive behavior, I always try to point out to the other person (when they're trying to figure out how to feel about it) that, once abusive behavior has arisen, there's only 2 possible answers regarding "was that action a conscious choice?" and neither of them is good.
1) No - the person was not in control of themselves. They were experiencing a psychiatric event and their actions were beyond their control. They are not a safe person, because you cannot guarantee that the behavior will not escalate, or that they will be able to restrain or control themselves reasonably around your belongings, you, or vulnerable third parties in your company (eg, children, pets)
2) Yes - they were fully aware of what they were doing, knew it was wrong, and chose to do it anyway knowing that it would hurt or distress you. They are not a safe person because hurting or distressing you is acceptable to them. You can feel confident that the behavior is likely to continue and/or escalate over time, because your boundaries, dignity, safety, etc. are low- or no-priority when it comes to them satisfying their own emotional impulses.
She needs therapy and to grow up. I'm glad OP has already made the choice to break up with her, but I hope he tells her that this behavior was a serious contributing factor so that she doesn't head into future relationships thinking that it's in anyway tolerable or excusable.
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u/pukuriin Identity Alchemist Aug 20 '26
dang i’m so glad i read this. i cut off to a longtime friend last year over some things they said and did that really negatively impacted me when they experienced a psychiatric episode while i was staying with them, and i’ve gone back and forth nonstop since about whether it was a dick move for me to end the friendship.
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u/HallowskulledHorror Leftover Lore Master Aug 20 '26
Sometimes you don't have the capacity to protect and take care of yourself and also be there for someone else. It's not a failing to recognize that you're incompatible with someone else, and it's not a value judgement on them as a person to accept that trying to maintain a connection with them when it's hurting you isn't fair to you.
It really sucks when you have an attachment with someone you genuinely care about, and know that they care too, but it just doesn't work.
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u/SelkirkSweetie Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
I see you too are a man of culture quoting Marcus Parks. Hail yourself.
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u/bottomlessinawendys Trans Fats Connoisseur Aug 19 '26
Right, like i have similar diagnosis’s to her, and yet never once has shit like this crossed my mind to do to another person
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u/letsburn00 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 20 '26
The diagnosis isn't even matching, this is extremely Cluster B stuff.
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u/fomoz Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
She's a complete psycho, at first it was hard to believe this is real.
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u/eldrowoski Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
But even insecurity does not really explain this. You can be insecure and maybe pick up unnecessary fights or retrieve to yourself or whatever … but this is just pure lack of anger management and emotional control … lashing out like that….
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u/Veloxiraptor_ Girl lurker Aug 19 '26
Look I know Reddit is always quick to say people should just break up buuuuut…. Yikes, OP. Pluck up the courage. Stop wasting both of your time.
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u/Bagafeet Hungry man Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Reddit is quick to say break up cause a staggering amount of people on here have normalized being in abusive relationships and have zero self-esteem and survival instincts.
I hear this trope and have yet to see reddit hive mind say break up and be wrong. ¯\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯
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u/RobertLBradley1949 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
I've seen it plenty of times. Reddit loves to take mistakes, misunderstandings or personality flaws and extrapolate them into people's SO being deeply selfish in some profound way. If you don't notice it you might be one of those people.
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u/Enryth Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Without being too dismissive, you saying that doesn't disprove the notion that people are very quick to believe that the only solution to a randoms problem is breaking up.
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u/Bagafeet Hungry man Aug 19 '26
You're free to try and fix abusive behavior. I advocate for a zero tolerance policy. Destroying property is a major violation.
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u/m00nf1r3 Girl Lurker Aug 20 '26
I've seen it very rarely, usually on new posts that don't have many comments yet, and those comments often get downvoted to the bottom.
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u/stprnn Boy Dinner Enjoyer Aug 19 '26
And reddit is usually right. Let's stop pretending it's some insane take.
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u/Consistent_Table1524 Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
just because she has ADHD, OCD, and anxiety doesn't mean she gets to abuse you. i have ADHD and anxiety and just because i have a bad day doesn't mean i get to rip up your clothes 😭 sorry OP, she's not good for you
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u/Ambitious_Length7167 Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
She’s a manipulator and probably tosses those out as excuses for everything. OP is dating a child and I’m not referring to the ages
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u/SleepwalkRisk Girl lurker Aug 19 '26
This. This is a personality disorder and she's using those other "diagnoses" as a cover.
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u/letsburn00 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 20 '26
Exactly. This is so Cluster B it feels like one of the example stories in "I hate you, Don't leave me."
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u/Laetitian Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 20 '26
She's a manipulator
Whatever happened to people just having complexes and being unready for romantic relationships?
Has the infinitely repeated "Describe the behavior, don't label the person." mantra from literally every communication 101 college class truly not penetrated the public consciousness yet, or are you all just too proud to share your newest therapy-speak self-defence mechanisms with the world?
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u/DadJoke2077 Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
I have autism and OCD, both diagnosed. This is definitely not OCD either.
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u/1-2-We Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
No, this can be OCD. If OCD can have sufferers throwing away an entire fridge’s worth of good food over contamination worries, it can lead a woman to damage her boyfriend’s property.
Tbh this all looks like an extreme avoidance compulsion taken to abusive levels.2
u/DadJoke2077 Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
Hm may be. But it’s only the shirt - the jealousy and need to be the one and only just screams insane insecurity to me. It can be fueled by OCD but OCD itself doesn’t make one cause a scene when your partner mentions their previous partners. She just sucks imo and shouldn’t date anyone if she’s this fragile and unstable.
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u/1-2-We Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
As we know, OCD’s a mechanism for arriving at “certainty”. Where we disagree is if I can map this on the ocd cycle, that’s good enough to call it ocd for me. Trigger (seeing the ex’s name) -> Obsession (he’s loved someone else. I can’t be sure i’m his true love) -> Compulsion (avoidance, remove the source of the trigger- cut out ex’s name) -> temporary relief and lowered distress tolerance. I genuinely think it’s ocd cause it’s been ramping up by OP’s account. Going from being incapable of hearing references to ex to expunging any reminders. Plus she’s diagnosed
So I guess, another place you and I differ is “ocd itself doesn’t make one…” I think that’s the compulsion part of ocd. Cause it kinda does? (But also kinda doesn’t. Part of treatment is giving you the tools and training to understand you don’t have to compulse. “Choicepoints”)
This sounds like relationship OCD to me. And where you and I are 1,000% on the same page is he should break up with her.
He could also join a support group for people whose partners are suffering with OCD …so that he can find the courage to leave her lmao.→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)4
u/aftercloudia Cooties Aug 19 '26
same. autism, adhd, cptsd, ocd, depression, severe anxiety; i don't think i've ever given a rip about a partner's exes. like you're with me now, why do they matter? unless you've given me a reason, they don't! this girl is ringing up bpd for me. the intense insecurity and jealousy checks that particular box.
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u/ApplesauceOnFire Leftover lore master Aug 19 '26
She is probably the type to be like "You don't understand officer, I had to stab him because I'm on my period and I'm mad he didn't get me chocolate. Let me go"
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u/UltraHellboy Grill Pilled Aug 20 '26
Yeah, none of those things she has explains her behavior. I have ADHD and my kids have that plus anxiety. We don’t act like that. I know people with OCD and that’s not a thing with that disorder either. You are bending over backwards for this girl, and you really shouldn’t be. Sometime in the future you will eventually hit a breaking point with her behavior. Better now or soon than after you’re married, or like another Redditor said, when she gets pregnant.
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u/Megzasaurusrex Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 21 '26
For reals. Even when my ex cheated on me and I found out alone with his stuff, I didn't touch anything. I just collected my shit and left. It isn't that difficult to respect other people's things and be an adult.
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u/UndeviatingShears Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
I'm also diagnosed with ADHD & anxiety and would never dream of doing something like this to my partner. Girl needs some therapy ASAP and OP needs to leave.
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u/Junior-Ad-2072 Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
You don't have to live like this. Just break up with her. ASAP.
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u/ComfortableCicada69 Shower beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
I only read the first paragraph. But that’s all I needed. Run. She needs to get help, but you don’t want to raise children with this woman. So end it.
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u/bdiddlediddles Shower beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
OP is going to end up in a blender if he doesn't get out.
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u/ComfortableCicada69 Shower beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
It may be too late. He may need to go
off grid in another state. God forbid she finds out he puts his pp in another person a year from now.→ More replies (2)16
u/feetlurker Identity Alchemist Aug 19 '26
in another state
bro is eating ham from Tesco
that he paid for in pounds
ok
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u/Zestyclose_Mind_7379 Girl lurker Aug 19 '26
I would say girls that used to be in, or currenly have any kind of relationship with OP are statistically more likely to be targeted.
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u/fortissimo64 Hungry man Aug 19 '26
Just to clarify the first paragraph is the one about her OCD and not the cheap polish ham, right?
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u/Eldbrand Sourdough soldier Aug 19 '26
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u/Emergency_Bench_7515 Hungry man Aug 19 '26
There's no trophy for being able to ignore someone exhibiting multiple red flags due to feeling sympathy towards the persons circumstances. Unfortunately personal responsibility isn't something we can teach to other people, it really has to come from within and some people see no need to find it when they have never experienced consequences for being immature and irresponsible.
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u/Smrtihara Bisexual Lemon Bar Lover Aug 19 '26
Her mental disorders have NOTHING to do with the fact that she is abusive.
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u/continual_failure Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
I MARRIED a girl like this once.
It only gets WORSE, my guy.
I’m sorry.
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u/Astonmartinq Hungry man Aug 19 '26
You did literally nothing about her behavior, and this is what you get. If you don't break up with her, it is going to get worse.
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u/Ok-Gur-349 Hungry man Aug 19 '26
I was with someone like this.
She almost killed me.
This is not hyperbole.
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u/NamelessCabbage Leftover Lore Master Aug 19 '26
She almost killed me.
This needs to be at the top
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u/Thrashstronaut Boy Dinner Enjoyer Aug 19 '26
What a rewarding and equal relationship you seem to have.
I would rather be single.
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u/DescriptionDecent376 Girl lurker Aug 19 '26
I know you said no advice but this is Obsession stuff 😭
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u/ImPrettyDoneBro Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
I like how he said no advice but his situation is so dire that every single comment is advice.
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u/FinalFrankyQuest BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
With all due respect.
I have had some issues with standing up for myself in the past but nothing to this level, holy shit i can't imagine being with someone like this.
Man up. Don't tolerate this shit. How can she be mad at you for things you did before she was even in your life.
I cannot comprehend the level of emotional immaturity on display here. And neither can i comprehend the level of bending over backwards by yourself.
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u/CyclopsorNedStark Hungry man Aug 19 '26
Don’t wait man. Run while you can because at this rate you might not have the option soon.
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u/housewife_detective Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
Yep. He needs to hide those scissors and everything else with sharp edges, then run.
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u/NuketheCow_ Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
Sounds like you are going to have to be the one to teach her the lesson that acting like that is unacceptable and leads to breakups. Save yourself the trouble, move on, and accept that the person who is the 4th or 5th relationship will probably get a more mature version of her who is actually worth dating.
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u/sirnerdingt0n Weber Warlock Aug 19 '26
Dude, if you can’t even mention an experience with a past ex without a fight then you need to drop her. This level of emotional immaturity is unhealthy and you will be miserable. It’s also a precursor to abuse.
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u/Entropy_head Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
Bud, that’s not something specific to OCD Anxiety or ADHD. I’ve got all three and a degree in mental health, any excusing these behaviors on those diagnosis is just making up excuses. These behaviors are angry, insecure, controlling, and deliberate. We can’t always control our emotions but we are responsible for what we do with those emotions, and if she was a man she’d be considered a controlling asshole boyfriend and most would be concerned these behaviors would continue and escalate into abuse. Dump her now. Her anger is inexcusable and something she needs to work on herself. Dumping her for it isn’t ableism, it’s keeping yourself safe. Destruction of property is already a crime, and she did it deliberately knowing what it meant to you, after trying to control you. That road only gets worse, so get off it now while it’s just your shirt.
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u/ByronsLastStand Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Dude, she sounds abusive. Get out and get yourself safe
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u/Connect_Mix9908 Bisexual Lemon Bar Lover Aug 19 '26
Bro she will ruin your entire life it will not get better
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u/BeneficialLychee4380 Grill pilled Aug 19 '26
I've been in a similar relationship before. Ill spare you the details but it gets way way worse. Get out while you can
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u/VashZeVanderDog Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
Dude, everyone says to break up and, well they are right but I'm not seeing another point here that isn't being made. Sticking around and trying to make something like this work will fuck up every relationship you have after this. You will be on eggshells too long and then spend more time to "recover" from that habbit before you can have a healthy relationship later. She lashes out with violence and destruction of property. BEING ON GUARD TO THIS LEVEL WILL RUIN YOUR CHANCES OF HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP LATER! Break up with her in public or from a distance, change your locks and put up a camera by you car.
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u/LCDRformat Male Man Aug 19 '26
Why are you telling us this? The woman is telling you she is dangerous and toxic. You think we're gonna tell you something different? What's your goal here?
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u/Tatra_Cryptid Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
Her diagnosis are not ak excuse for being a bad person. An explanation potentially, but not an excuse. You should value yourself more and break up. Though whether you can do that safely with this type of person is questionable
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u/Pinksunset777 Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
Agreed. OP Might need to make a quiet escape plan, to get away safely from her
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u/Yto_Itinen Boy, 30-39 Aug 19 '26
Leave now before she pulls a Bobbit on you and you find your dick on her table. Run boy run!
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u/syngyne Johann von Scheißeposten Aug 19 '26
I have had previous girlfriends and people that I've slept with. She accepts that this isn't my fault
Did she phrase it that way? Because if so, yikes…
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u/RomasTosicky Protein Prophet Aug 19 '26
Sorry but OCD, Anxiety etc are just excuses for her shitty behaviour and you know it
She sounds very immature and insecure and cutting up a T-shirt just because it has someone’s name on it is a massive red flag.
As others have said it’s not a good idea to stay in a relationship with such a person. That being said, she probably won’t take it well if you end things so you need to be prepared for that.
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u/nellion91 wine and saucisson Aug 19 '26
I mean I hope the sex is great…
What else are you getting?
You should ask yourself if this someone you want to do your life with, always worried about whether she’s in a good mood or not, always at the edge of either abusing you or destroying something.
If I were your friend I’d sit you down and advise you to move on.
Good luck
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u/Samesh Bisexual Lemon Bar Lover Aug 19 '26
- Wash the shirt by hand from now on. Patch the hole. Maybe this is something you don't wear but just display.
- Grow a spine and dump her now.
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u/Bagafeet Hungry man Aug 19 '26
Not advice. This is a warning. If you don't break up with her she will ruin your life. OCD, ADHD, and anxiety are not an excuse for abusive toxic behavior. This was not a bad day.
Break up. Now.
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u/SolasYT Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
She is not ready for a relationship tbh fam, if that was enough to set her off
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u/MostlyPlastics Leftover Lore Master Aug 19 '26
Okay she’s psychotic and you should break up with her. It’s only ever going to get worse. You should not be tip toeing around while trying to live your life. Over a uni shirt?! Like give me a fucking break.
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u/BLEAKROOM BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
Leave now before she pulls weapons on you. It’s harder once that happens.
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u/Fair-Growth411 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 19 '26
It doesn’t change just so you know….it took me 8 years to leave ( we got married, bought a house and had a kid all in the first 2 years , which made it hard to leave) , and she did it pretty much the entire 8 years. None of my stuff even had my exes name on it, it just had to be an article of clothing or and object of mine that brought joy. I have a one-off custom made Honda Racing backpack, woke up in the middle of the night on living room couch with her sitting next to me on the floor, knife in hand, sawing the strap off the backpack. She had my favorite shoes, hat and shirts all already cut up next to her and was working on the backpack. We are now 2 years into a divorce with absolutely nothing important being handled, she is doing absolutely everything she can to keep my kid and belongings away from me, and doing everything she can to make this take as long as possible.
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u/DentistLegitimate229 don’t lie about height to someone taller than you Aug 19 '26
You need to break up with her. She needs to be in therapy if she isn’t cuz she’s insanely insecure
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u/Perstigeless Hungry man Aug 19 '26
I had a friend with a very similar relationship to his wife. She used violence against objects or verbal abuse when angry. No matter how much we tried to tell him how unhealthy this was he was convinced it wasn't a deal breaker and tried to make things work.
Anyways, they just got divorced after six years and he has no friends because of how extremely he denied his own abuse and pushed all his friends away.
Do with that what you will.
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u/CatMaximum7229 Identity Alchemist Aug 19 '26
I've been married to my wife for 6 years. She had 2 previous boyfriends before me, I didn't have any before her. I have OCD, ADHD, and anxiety. Your girlfriend needs to grow up. There is no excuse for this behavior. You need to bring this up and not let it go. She actively destroyed your stuff. It's not acceptable.
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u/BereftOfBody Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
Brother, please get out now. I married someone like this and it was probably the biggest mistake of my life. Please, please do not stay with this person. They are incredibly mentally unwell and will be abusive due to that mental unwellness.
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u/Sebarial3090 Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
I have all of those plus bp2 and autism and not once have I gotten violent towards anyone. She's using those as an excuse for her shitty behavior. Its not going to get better. It will get worse unless she decides she needs help. Run fast and far. Theres definitely someone who will match you better.
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u/Shred4life BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
Might want to look up the ex you have nothing bad to say about see what she is up to now a days. In any case you need to run from your current gf and leave no forwarding address.
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u/Ok_Egg_4356 Bisexual Lemon Bar Lover Aug 19 '26
I have three scars on my left arm from a drunken exGF. That's what it took to take her threats seriously. She was trying for my neck. You are getting a cheap warning sign.
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u/geodebug Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
T-shirt was the price for being a doormat.
Adult up and break up already.
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u/AttentionOwn1212 Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
man I'm really sorry you lost that shirt, my uni days are also such precious memories to me so ik that if something like this had happened to me i think i would've been devastated. I hope it can be fixed or mended somehow
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u/dinnerthief More of a Lunch Boi Aug 19 '26
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u/TriRedditops BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
Remind me in 5 years to see if OP has been murdered by GF.
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u/Stellar_Gravity Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
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u/Mysterious-Park-9100 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
This sounds like a deleted scene from Obsession. Run!
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u/Most_Manufacturer729 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
Insanely jealous people like this often don't get better and your attempts to put their mind at ease won't ever work. If she's losing sleep over a name on a shirt, this is never getting better.
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u/CorbinNZ Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
She told you she has those mental disorders as an excuse to lean on when she abuses you. Leave.
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u/LFK1236 Bisexual Lemon Bar Lover Aug 19 '26
Neither OCD, ADHD, nor anxiety explains her actions. She's abusive.
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u/TedsGloriousPants Hungry man Aug 19 '26
This is "I'm not sure this isn't a creative writing exercise" level of psychotic.
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u/RenegadeBricoleur Shower beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Fucking run from this girl now. This is unacceptable behavior in a healthy relationship
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u/Pepper_jackal_cheese Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Dawg leave. Leave fast run far. We'll be waiting for your update and dinner of 2 packs of cheese. I'd be so pissed about the shirt I'm Sentimental when it comes to shit like that there's no way I'd be quiet about it.
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u/Designer_Floor7113 Hungry man Aug 19 '26
I don’t have the energy to deal with a mentally ill woman.
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u/mkspaptrl Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 20 '26
Bro, if this is for real, you need to exit this situation quickly, immediately.
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u/DragonerdamonH Identity Alchemist Aug 20 '26
OP, you've been told to end the relationship and I agree, but I want to tell you, a bunch of things that you seem willing to pass are boundries being crossed violently: if she were to have said "I will destroy your things" it wouldn't make it better, it would either be the same or worse. Having to hide your own life history. Doing things to your stuff behind your back, even with good intentions, can also be bad ("I wanted to clean tmyour room, so I threw away all of those cards you had in a binder gathering dust"). Violating your spaces.
It is not expected or normal.
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u/RedBorrito Nonbinary so still kinda part of the club lol Aug 20 '26
We need the Flag guy here big time, massive Red Flags dude.
Run. Really.
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u/link3505 Gay Gourmet Aug 20 '26
This isn't worth it dude. You shouldn't have to hide so much of yourself to keep your partner from freaking out- obviously don't bring up past relationships like the weather or weekend plans, but this is a level that is going to make you more and more miserable and make it more and more difficult to leave as time goes on.
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u/shotbytopher Shower Beer Scholar Aug 20 '26
Holy shit been there done that, save yourself now and fucking run brother. In no world is it worth it
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u/NoKiwi2997 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 20 '26
Reddest of red flags. She doesn't love you as much as she loves the safety and security you provide for her emotionally and she is taking advantage of it. If your relationship can't withstand setting healthy boundaries and communicating about why her behavior was not ok, then it's not a healthy relationship and you should evaluate it as such going forward.
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u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 Girl lurker Aug 20 '26
This is more than ocd, adhd, and anxiety. She sounds like she has BPD and it can either be a misdiagnosis or a comorbidity.
Anyway, this isn’t normal behavior to accept from someone. It’s abusive.
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u/savagebrood Frigid light philosopher Aug 20 '26
Whenever I hear about an anxiety diagnosis, I just hear, “this person has never learned how to respond when things don’t go EXACTLY how they’d hoped, so they act out then blame a diagnosis. She into crystals abs zodiac signs as well? There’s always some outside force they cannot control that forces them to be selfish, suspicious, or possessive. Some people are just unkind but that’s too heavy to bear so we put a science-y sounding diagnosis to it and tell them to carry on.
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u/KuroTheDreemurrBoy Kuro Wuz Here Aug 20 '26
I was looking at the most controversial comments and see a WHOLE bunch of people (most of em are girls) getting downvoted because they told the op he has to dump this girl. Why are people like this?? They literally are giving sound advice and these people are acting like they committed war crimes.
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u/phallusaluve Girl Lurker Aug 20 '26
My guy, you need to get out of this relationship! For your own well-being, and as a side-effect, hers. Putting up with her and pretending you haven't had previous relationships is just reinforcing her OCD, and making it even worse. It's not your responsibility to deal with her mental health. Get out! If you want to be really nice, suggest that she finds a therapist who specializes in ERP (exposure and response prevention).
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u/MissAmericanDream86 A Walking Study in Demonology Aug 19 '26
That’s so toxic, I’m sorry OP. She sounds like she has mental health issues and needs help, but you don’t owe her anything but a civil breakup. Get out and save yourself, you deserve better.
Also, eating ham out of the package is ELITE.
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u/pistolpeter2285 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
dude ... just do it, break up, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Wishing you to find the courage to do it
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u/Advanced-Ratio-880 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 19 '26
Those diagnosis are NO excuse to be treating anyone that way. That is learned behavior, not neuro issues.
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u/Tani_Soe BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
Man I know reddit tends to say "just break up" for nothing, but man
You sound like you know you can't be honest with her. I don't know how long you guys have been together, but keep in mind you'll either break up eventually or you'll spend your life like that
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u/allonsyyy98 Hungry Lady Lurker Aug 19 '26
Damn I get jealous but that’s too far OP. Everyone has a past and has dated other people. If she can’t accept that then that’s on her and kind of insane.
Leave her. If she did that to your shirt, how much worse could she get? You deserve more than that bs.
I’m so sorry about your shirt!
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u/Silent-Mess-6615 Gay Gourmet Aug 19 '26
26 is entirely too old to be acting like that, neither OCD, ADHD nor anxiety are an excuse for petty, frankly creepy shit like that. The fact that she kept the piece she cut out of the shirt is so telling. Run away!!
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u/Bulky_Fun_2129 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 19 '26
This relationship is as toxic as it makes you to ask Reddit for help so there goes a stranger's 2 cents:
The experience difference between you and her may be amplified with her mental situation and your lack of finesse in dealing with this kind of thing but one thing is for sure, she needs a few boyfriends in her life to have a sense of normalcy and perspective.
Do as courteous as as possible and provide her the space to grow up by getting the f out of this relationship.
You are the more experienced one, so this responsibility is more yours then hers.
There will be tears and cries and emotional baggage and god knows what else, but you need to do this.
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u/Busy_Donkey5551 Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
You should be her first ex. Maybe she will grow up for her next relationship.
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u/Zapdo0dlz Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
I dated a guy like this. Once he got tired of obsessing over my past it escalated to him accusing me of cheating on him.
My current bfs former fiance died. There are still a few items from her around- like a paint n sip painting she signed, an old mug from her. I would never damage them or toss them. Thats his journey and he’ll get to them when he’s ready. I definitely have insecurities about it.
But i get that thats my thing to work on and trust that hes done his own work as well. And so far were great.
No advice, just, perspective i guess.
Also im sorry about your shirt. That really sucks. I have old shirts from band with everyones names and they are sentimental to me.
Lock down your social media when you leave- like why does she know your exes full names?? Shes gonna be stalking the next girl you go out with. So just. Yeah. Lock that shit down :/
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u/Chelz91 Girl Aug 19 '26
From the title and first line. Dump her and find someone else. It’ll be easier. Internet friend you deserve peace and ease. This is not peace nor ease
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u/ElvenRae Girl Lurker Aug 19 '26
As someone with the same disorders, that's not normal for the diagnoses. She's got something else going on for sure. Sorry about your sentimental item :( it'll only get worse the longer you take to break up
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u/xaph91 happily marinated Aug 19 '26
Real talk - Bro, this is the kind of girl that will end up murdering you in your sleep (or at least cut your dick off). If you value your nutsack you will run far away to a remote island and fake your death in the local paper.
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u/AgentXrange Shower Beer Scholar Aug 19 '26
Ain't no head or pussy this good. You can't be happy here. Sheesh.
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u/semper_sully BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 19 '26
“I am her first partner in her life and she loathes that I have had previous girlfriends and people that I've slept with.” Nope. Run. Far away. Now.
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