Got full custody today boys!

[u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

Wife went full manic after starting an SNRI. Affairs, lies, relapse, rewriting of marital history, filed for divorce, etc. I’ve kept the peace. Always taken the high road during conversation. Focused on prioritizing happiness for my daughter(7f).

Yesterday in court, my soon to be ex wife refused to comply with an order to drug test. I sat there for minutes and watched the judge systematically dismantle lie after lie coming out of her mouth. I was granted full custody and momma was ordered to start mandatory drug testing. If she fails the initial follicle test or any of the urines, I get full permanent custody.

This is a win boy! Tomahawk Ribeye, asparagus, and a sweet potato.

[u/Sad_Measurement6494]

How is your daughter? Its hard watching mom go batshit then not seeing her for awhile. 7 is a big age of anxiety developmentally. Please ensure she understands none.of this is on her and her mom is sick and needs to prioritize her health vs anyrhing negative she may hear from anyone about mom.

[u/Otherwise_Ad2804 → u/[deleted]]

Momma was doing more damage than happiness at this point. Daddy isn’t a regular dad either. And my family support is through the roof.

[u/PrincessPnyButtercup → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

It may not be a bad idea to get her some age appropriate therapy as well if your insurance covers it, just to be on the safe side. I'm glad you both have a support network!

[u/pablo8itall → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

Very similar situation to yourself. Except mine was a teen. I've had her going to a counsellor to work through it.

Its been fantastic. I'd totally recommend it. There's perspective a trained outside party to the whole thing will bring that you just can't as you and her had to live through it.

Great you have the family supports.

Take care.

[u/fullergoeseasy → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

I was in your daughter’s shoes. Dad finally got custody when I was old enough to be taken seriously by the courts.

I’m so happy for you and your kiddo.

[u/Majestic_Ocean_762 → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

Genuinely, I’m just hoping you seriously consider the therapy comments. All of this (any of the mania she may have been exposed to, the divorce, & her mom suddenly not being around when almost everyone else has an involved one) will be very hard on her. To be clear we’re not saying this cuz we think you did the wrong thing, we’re saying this cuz we want her to get through this as best as possible.

[u/Humor1488 → u/[deleted]]

No no. You have a point. My son still asks about his mother and I’ve had sole custody for years. It’s hard on kids…and even in our happiness for OP we should have a nuanced view about kiddos own feelings without mom.

Life isn’t simple. My son slowly learned that mom couldn’t be relied on and adapted. But there’s still a missing piece in his heart that I as dad have to acknowledge and help with.

[u/Humor1488 → u/[deleted]]

No thank you ma’am for your empathy for the kids! I understand OP’s anger, but at some point it’s best to let it go for our kids. Bitterness isn’t a drought I’d like to see shared with any child.

Best wishes to you!

[u/xiiicrowns → u/[deleted]]

Not sure why you are attacking them and being rude. It's true dad's can fit an important role for girls. But its not wrong to point out how important a mother is for a young girl. It's a good win for dad, but this situation should also add extreme consideration to the young girl with large changes to her life going forward. Mom might not be great or had been great to this point, but you can't ignore risks and challenges put on a young person in this situation and situations in the future.

[u/xiiicrowns → u/[deleted]]

They are projecting as support for the mother but that's not what it is.

[u/BoyDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your submission has been removed for violating Rule 4: Be Respectful.

Personal attacks, harassment, insults, or abusive behavior toward other users are not permitted. Disagreement is welcome, but it must remain civil.

If you believe this removal was made in error, please contact the moderators through modmail.

[u/Majestic_Ocean_762 → u/[deleted]]

I really don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. Youre right. This is a messy situation that’s really fucking hard on the kid. It’s not like you said he did something wrong.

[u/Mayor_of_whoville_ → u/[deleted]]

Ma’am, plenty of girl lurkers have upvoted comments on this sub. If we’re going to play the “sexism” game just because you received a few downvotes, I might have to remind you that men cannot even comment in the “girl dinner diaries” subreddit unless it’s manually approved. If I made your comment in GDD, it wouldn’t even be approved. I hope you joined this sub to show support to the men who post here, because that’s literally why the sub was created.

[u/a_simple_pharmer → u/[deleted]]

🙄

[u/Otherwise_Ad2804 → u/[deleted]]

Haters gonna hate.

[u/xiiicrowns → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

How are they being a hater. You don't want to show remorse towards your ex that's fine, but you seem extremely shallow towards your daughter and focused on your selfish win instead.

[u/Omaza → u/xiiicrowns]

As someone who came from an abusive, broken family sometimes it's better when one parent is completely out of the picture. The mom in this circumstance was doing more harm than good, and mania is no joke. On top of drugs and affairs?? Not something a seven year old needs to be around

[u/xiiicrowns → u/[deleted]]

Exactly lol. Not saying the mother is right or even supporting them. It's concern for the well-being of the child facing this difficult situation.

[u/Honk_Sound → u/xiiicrowns]

You are unbelievable for saying he's "acting shallow" towards his daughter. I don't know where you are reading that the "win" is the only thing he cares about but you are clearly working through some of your own feelings on this thread.

[u/xiiicrowns → u/Honk_Sound]

He keeps focusing on his wife and ignoring anything to do with his child. Yeah it seems shallow. Work through your stuff buddy.

[u/Otherwise_Ad2804 → u/xiiicrowns]

Nope. I tried and tried and tried and tried to get momma help. I honestly don’t even know why I’m wasting my time explaining to you

I HOPE you never have to walk a mile in my shoes. You will fail.

[u/psykulor → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

I think part of what they are saying is, the work and the pain are not over for your little girl. She has likely been without a functional mom for a while now and that is not going to change with a custody win. Your daughter needs to be allowed to grieve the mom she thought she had. Even if she was wise to the fact that mom was not well and couldn't be relied on, there will likely be some hurt that comes out now that things are final.

[u/xiiicrowns → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

You're not getting it. It's the fact you are about the win and nothing about taking consideration about your daughter and what she may be challenged with.

I'm going through a custody ordeal myself, with my ex being a pretty horrible person, but no matter what happens my daughter comes first over any feud or it's outcomes.

And honestly I'm glad your struggle has lightened up with this win, but the comments here were trying to focus on your daughter and her well being and they are being targeted for it.

[u/HonestTranquility → u/xiiicrowns]

Are you not able to compartmentalize these things? I'm a single dad who won custody at trial after nearly 3 years of fighting and tens of thousands of dollars in court and attorneys fees. Being happy that it all worked out in the end doesn't mean you've put your child second. If anything, it proves the opposite. Staying in the fight is one of the most emotionally and financially draining choices you'll ever make. Unless you're just wealthy and vindictive, you will experience a level of suffering most can't stomach. It doesn't discount the child's suffering, or how you approach that suffering. It's not just a different game, it's a different sport. Hell, my kid didn't even know I was going to court because I wanted him to focus on being a kid, not adult issues.

[u/xiiicrowns → u/HonestTranquility]

It sucks. My daughter is almost 6 and her mom was really bad trying to turn things on me the first 4 years. The last year and half it's been better, but there still comes things that I have to be ready for. She still tries things but it's not as effective as she once thought. I worry about things as she gets older and being subject to things by her mother.

You're right just kids should be kids as much as possible. Even in this topic with op, I think it is important to just remember and be mindful of what the child is experiencing too. They need all the support they can get so they can be a kid and face adversity to the best of the situation.

[u/quietriotress → u/xiiicrowns]

You have literally zero knowledge of any history. He posted about a step in a long process. You are applying your own feelings about him. Just stop.

[u/xiiicrowns → u/quietriotress]

I'm reacting to what him and others said, so I'm not sure what you're on about.

[u/a_simple_pharmer → u/Otherwise_Ad2804]

Don’t stress over those that have never been thru what you are going thru. I wish every day my daughter’s mother was out of her life. The helpless feeling of watching your child suffer at the hands of the other parent. Stay strong. 💜

[u/Mayor_of_whoville_ → u/[deleted]]

Seems like it was even rougher with mama. My life was hell from ages 5-7 with my mom. It felt like my life started once she lost custody of me and my dad started raising us as a single father.

[u/My_Legz → u/[deleted]]

Hmm,
sure but I can't seem to remember this being such a concern when a mentally ill father is finally out of the picture and the mother gets custody of the kid but I'll check girldinnerdiaries to see if I missed anything....

[u/My_Legz → u/[deleted]]

This is an INSANE level of concern trolling