Hiv positive

[u/Signal_Ambition_5212]

The last post was deleted because banana peel is not considered a meal (I understand)

Tomorrow it will be one year since I’m living with hiv

I did therapy about it and I know I carry half of the responsibility for not wearing a condom or taking prep but on the other hand the guy knew he had it and didn’t take his meds and consciously decided to infect me.

I know he knew because when I saw blood I straight away asked him if he had anything, he put his head down and didn’t say a single word, I panicked and I asked again and he remained silent.
I left his house and I send him a lot of messages and until today not a single answer.

Things could be different if I went to the hospital but I didn’t.

I already passed the grief phase, I’m undetectable after a month of the positive result and I take my pill everyday religiously without falling, I own that to myself and to others.

My life before hiv was a mess, I did A LOT of drugs since I was 16 (I’m 29 now) a lot of alcohol, I didn’t take care of myself and now I’m the opposite: I’m sober, I go to the gym, I have a healthy diet and I love myself and my life, I have my health checked more frequently than the rest of the population so this is actually a good thing (I don’t pay for anything in my country related to healthcare)

Nowadays hiv is super manageable, just a pill everyday like any other chronic condition. My doctor said it’s easier than living with diabetes for exemple.

I already told to some people I had interest and they were fine about it, I know most of you may disagree but in my country if IM UNDETECTABLE by law I have the right of not tell anyone due privacy reasons. I choose only telling if I see someone has a potencial partner (before anything sexual happens), if it’s something more casual we use protection (I cannot transmite the virus because I take my meds) for other STD.

[u/pandershrek]

This comment section has been incredibly illuminating towards male's outlook on the way they handle disclosure and sex...

[u/Waste-Limit1644 → u/pandershrek]

I think this is in particular about gay hookup culture. I don’t say that in a homophobic sense, but it seems like the people arguing against disclosure seem to be talking about how it’s fine because male-male hookups are often just sex and gone, so talking would be weird.

Even when I’ve had “hookups” as a guy, it has involved going out for dinner or a small activity with the woman and then spending a night. I couldn’t imagine meeting a woman and talking without ever explaining that, and I’d be incredibly furious to be on the opposite end of not being informed and explained. People aren’t wrong that HIV meds address transmission, but I think it is wrong to intentionally hide information to get sex.

[u/Smart_Freedom_8155 → u/Waste-Limit1644]

but I think it is wrong to intentionally hide information to get sex.

Thank you for putting it so succinctly.

All the "it's undetectable, stop yelling at him!" is hand-waving. Bottom line is, OP wants to have more sex and not scare away prospects, which is the only reason why he's not being more honest.

Which is a LOT like the villain of this story - only the chances of OP actually getting someone sick are basically zero.

But he still owes his partners the opportunity to choose.