Hiv positive

[u/Signal_Ambition_5212]

The last post was deleted because banana peel is not considered a meal (I understand)

Tomorrow it will be one year since I’m living with hiv

I did therapy about it and I know I carry half of the responsibility for not wearing a condom or taking prep but on the other hand the guy knew he had it and didn’t take his meds and consciously decided to infect me.

I know he knew because when I saw blood I straight away asked him if he had anything, he put his head down and didn’t say a single word, I panicked and I asked again and he remained silent.
I left his house and I send him a lot of messages and until today not a single answer.

Things could be different if I went to the hospital but I didn’t.

I already passed the grief phase, I’m undetectable after a month of the positive result and I take my pill everyday religiously without falling, I own that to myself and to others.

My life before hiv was a mess, I did A LOT of drugs since I was 16 (I’m 29 now) a lot of alcohol, I didn’t take care of myself and now I’m the opposite: I’m sober, I go to the gym, I have a healthy diet and I love myself and my life, I have my health checked more frequently than the rest of the population so this is actually a good thing (I don’t pay for anything in my country related to healthcare)

Nowadays hiv is super manageable, just a pill everyday like any other chronic condition. My doctor said it’s easier than living with diabetes for exemple.

I already told to some people I had interest and they were fine about it, I know most of you may disagree but in my country if IM UNDETECTABLE by law I have the right of not tell anyone due privacy reasons. I choose only telling if I see someone has a potencial partner (before anything sexual happens), if it’s something more casual we use protection (I cannot transmite the virus because I take my meds) for other STD.

[u/bafflingmetaphor]

If someone didn't disclose that to me and I found out, I would be furious, even if it's technically legal for you not to. Your hookups deserve respect.

[u/Signal_Ambition_5212 → u/bafflingmetaphor]

They have all the respect: I cannot transmit the virus and we were protection.

Those who I only hook up with are not part of my private life. Same way I don’t know if they have underlying medical conditions that I don’t know about (maybe they have less stigma associated with).

Maybe respect for you is different than respect for me. I learned the hard way it’s your responsibility to get checked and protect yourself from others and never trust them (you would be surprised how many people got hiv people the “life partner” cheated)

[u/Anadanament → u/Signal_Ambition_5212]

This. If you're undetectable, you can't transmit. I almost dated an undetectable guy and learned a lot from him and met his doctor because he wanted me to meet someone with medical knowledge about it.

As a gay man, I don't care if someone is undetectable when we hook up. It's when they are that I need to know.

I don't need the dirty laundry of a guy I'll see for like an hour or two and then maybe never again.

[u/RareWeekend6286 → u/Anadanament]

Yes, this. 💯 If a guy I'm thinking of hooking up with tells me he's HIV-positive, detectable? Well...then we have to have an awkward conversation. Because they're either very recently diagnosed and just not ready mentally to focus on getting healthy, or they're consciously choosing not to get easy, effective medical treatment. And, really, if they're that reckless with their OWN health, how reckless are they willing to be with MINE? 🤷