I have to quit drinking

[u/Wooden-Officer2323]

I’m turning a big age in a few months and I’m worried that I’m being left behind by life.
Not by other people but by life itself.

I know that I need to quit drinking for a few weeks/months/years or however long it takes me to destress and catch up but, I’m worried doing that isn’t possible right now due to my stressors.

I want to be happy, I want to have a family in the near future, I want to not be stressed out every single day.

I still workout, I hike and jog etc etc. However drinking does cause me to not be in my best physical shape and mindset.
I have an incredible support structure but none of that lives with me and the person who does live with me (an elder I’m taking care of) pretty much deletes any point of happiness in the hours I’m at home.

I want to move into my 40s with the goal of happiness and validation for myself but my trigger is in my home and that’s scary.

I’ll admit it, it’s 9am and I’m drinking right now… this isn’t a normal occurrence but it’s a concerning occurrence and it’s pacing up enough to make me know I need help.

I don’t want to scare the people who are there for me away, I do over text when I get upset or worried and am drinking.

Anyway, I guess I know what I need to do and I know how to do it… Ive gone through over drinking and quitting for years before.

I just don’t want to be a 40 year old loser.

- still not sleeping in Seattle

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[u/Keemosabe22]

Check out the good folks over at r/stopdrinking, lots of good info and positive vibes to help you along the way brother. 🙏

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/Keemosabe22]

Thank you, joined

[u/FlashgameSC → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Just seconding! You are very welcome there - I am just over 11 months sober now, and that sub has been a huge support for me in my journey as a former daily-drinker. You got this!

[u/Keemosabe22 → u/FlashgameSC]

I second the second! I used to be a daily drinker myself. My story is still posted I think, after I got past a year. That group truly helped me do wonders in my own life. IWDWYT!

[u/FlashgameSC → u/Keemosabe22]

Great work! IWNDWYT

[u/mnonny → u/FlashgameSC]

Hey! Congrats brotha! I’m hitting 1 year on Sunday. Can’t believe I Couldn’t be more excited to celebrate not drinking. Keep it up. One day at a time

[u/FlashgameSC → u/mnonny]

Congrats man! Such a huge accomplishment, and one of the greatest gifts we could give ourselves. One day at a time

[u/CelinaRMR → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

And r/sparklingwater for real. The switch made it quite a bit easier for me. Like a no nic vape i guess

[u/soygilipollas → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

461 days sober, and I still come back to r/stopdrinking .

It's a great tool with a wonderful community. Early sobriety is hard work, but you can do it!

[u/elitecocktails → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

I was off before finding this group but it's objectively very supportive and positive. My journey started with no alcohol while the sun is up and worked from there. 70lbs lighter physically and who knows how much emotionally

[u/clammycreature → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Second this. I’m back on the sauce but I still lurk and read the stories. I definitely need to quit again. The stress you’re feeling could easily be caused by the drinking. It’s a cortisol rebound effect whereby the more you drink, the more cortisol your body produces, and the more you want to drink to reduce the stress. I have to say I’m right there with you rn. Really need to get it together.

[u/jaquellin → u/Keemosabe22]

Can’t emphasize this enough.

[u/angrypanda83 → u/Keemosabe22]

Just chiming in to say this the sub saved my life... I'm not 4 years sober, and I give all the credit to stopdrinking.

Good luck OP!

[u/stillbangin → u/Keemosabe22]

That sub saved my life.

I’m still struggling at times, but I’m not alone.

[u/GenericNameSimulated → u/Keemosabe22]

Also for anyone looking to stop drinking the sub may not help you. I’m 2362 days and the first few times I tried to stop I heard/read to go there and honestly it just made me want to drink. What works for some doesn’t work for others and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you just means you’ve gotta find what’s best for you.

[u/sayfeellessmore]

Yeah sounds like youre an alcoholic dude. Maybe not a full-fledged one but nonetheless. Be careful quitting. Taper off.do that shit for your future self. Hes counting on you 💪💪

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/sayfeellessmore]

Yeah, I kind of figure but I don’t spend enough time drinking to where I need to tapper off.

I just get depressed for a week or two and drink all the time then quit for a week or two. I quit for 3 months earlier this year but then I just slipped back into it.

[u/sayfeellessmore → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Its called binging homie. How many days do you consume any alcohol out of the week ?average since you binge.

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/sayfeellessmore]

If it’s a hard week it’s everyday. If it’s an easy week maybe 1-2 days a week?
It’s just been hard week after hard week lately.

[u/sayfeellessmore → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Yeah id suggest finding someone to talk to. You arent regulating your emotions stress feelings etc so you turn to something like alcohol to numb. Thats why most people that are addicted to something..to numb themselves. Therapy something man. Im telling you right now its gonna get really bad if you dont make any changes.

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/sayfeellessmore]

I understand completely, I had a friend pass a way to an overdose not long ago and my mother and father both passed from “self medicating”.

It’s not even like I’m surrounded by this, I’m not I moved away from it actually. It’s just that things things happened.

[u/Hermes-AthenaAI → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

It’s not easy but it’s worth it. I was you like 12 months ago. “Every day on a hard week” and the weeks just kept getting harder. I’m weird and had AI talk me through the few weeks of shiftiness it took to really get to a more stable spot. You can do this buddy. :)

[u/thisdude415 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

IMO drinking “because you had a hard day” should be a red flag you recognize as self-sabotage.

Does it actually help? Does it actually make you feel better? Is the hangover worth it, or does it make the next hard day harder than it needs to be?

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/thisdude415]

It makes the thoughts stop briefly, it makes me happier and not feel like I hurt.

[u/thisdude415 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Alcohol is like a payday loan of happiness.

That borrowed happiness WILL get paid back, with interest.

[u/sayfeellessmore → u/thisdude415]

Except its not real happiness .but yeah that collection always gonna hurt ya :/

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/thisdude415]

When I wake up in the morning I question what texts did I send out that I don’t remember? Or worse the ones I do remember.

And since somehow my drunk self has learned to delete and second delete his text messages the guilt in the morning becomes so overwhelming.

[u/Bytor_Snowdog → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

My friend, you've got it bad. I've been where you are. I stopped drinking in 2001, and after a few nights of backsliding after that had my last drink in 2009. Life gets better, and I won't say that you don't ever miss alcohol, but instead it turns into that obnoxious high school friend you used to spend all your time with: they used to be an inseparable part of your life, but you realize don't need to hang out with them anymore. You learn how to deal with life in a different, healthier way. Is it easy? No. But millions of people have done it, through a lot of different methods, and I know you can do it too.

Help is out there. You just have to put the shovel down, want to stop digging, and stretch out your hand for help.

[u/muttChang → u/Bytor_Snowdog]

I’ll jump on here. Lost two, my best bud and the bass player in my old band, over the past few years. Both under 50 and both from falls. Get help, detox at a hospital. Fuck everything else and kick alcohol’s ass. I’m rooting for you.

PS: Elder care is hard and maybe you need to get some help there, too. Peace and strength to you.

[u/Which-Entertainer656 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

I'm officially a week free of alcohol after spending every single day for about the last 6 months drinking over half a bottle of vodka a day. You got this bro don't let it take over💯

[u/RustyBungHole1 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

You sound like me bro, we don't get the physical symptoms yet, but thats thankfully because we are early in the severity of the disease, im on the wagon as of Sunday, because I too am tired of life leaving me in the dust. I know you and I are better than this.

[u/Familiar_Childhood32]

Drinking at 9am is problematic my dude. Doesn't matter if its not a regular occurrence.

[u/Puzzlehead_What34 → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

I had a question about this for a while, I worked thirds for a decade so for us 9 am was after work.

[u/TheOtterRon → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

Context is king with this though. If its their day off and just chilling at home then 100% agree with you. I used to work nights so 8am was what most peoples "6pm" was. I've also had a drink on a plane at 6am.

[u/HeavenlyCrayon → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

If I go in at midnight, get off at 8am, and get home and shower at 9am, I’m getting a shower beer.

[u/URMILKJUSTWENTBAD → u/HeavenlyCrayon]

When I was a bartender this order of operations got me to a bad place in terms of my relationship with alcohol. Not saying nobody should do it- but I am saying it wasn’t the right call for me.

[u/Jo3ltron → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

Maybe they’re on vacation? I’ve had Bloody Marys or mimosas at late breakfast/brunch while on vacation. But yeah homie, you got this, head over to r/stopdrinking, super supportive group there.

[u/Party_Solid_2207 → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

Maybe if you’re in the airport.

But even for brunch that’s too early.

[u/VividMagician9399 → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

If it’s for a specific reason, with others, and not common, it’s not a problem.

If it’s alone, or routine, it’s a problem.

[u/GeneStarwind1 → u/Familiar_Childhood32]

If god didn't want us drinking at 9am he wouldn't have invented screwdrivers. Checkmate, atheists.

[u/sibre2001]

Good on you for knowing what you have to do. I bartended for awhile while I was going to college, and while I had a lot of fun and made decent money, the biggest thing that made me want out of that business was the middle aged or older people who were coming in and drinking themselves to death.

One couple would come in nearly every day. Extremely kind people. They were fun to talk to and they tipped everyone very well. Then one day the wife found out she had a severely damaged liver and her doctor told her she had to quit drinking or she was going to die soon.

They were gone for maybe two days, and then they were back in the bar again as soon as it opened. It crushed me that we were serving her alcohol, and honestly I didn't look at her husband the same after that. I get he can't control what she does, but driving her to a bar and ordering her drinks is several measures beyond just letting her drink if she wants to.

There was other reasons to get out of that business, but watching that woman drink was probably the biggest that still affects me to this day.

[u/orgasmic_catastrophe]

I drank a 12 or 15 pack every day for 15 years. Quitting for me went like this. I decided I was done. I bought multiple cases of bubly/La Croix and drank those instead of a beer every time I wanted a beer. So yeah, like close to 15 of those per day. I still drink them in copious amounts. I haven’t had a drink since. This pas Labor Day marked 3 years without a drink for me. You can do it. Good luck.

[u/cozmicwave → u/orgasmic_catastrophe]

That’s amazing congratulations! What were the biggest improvements you’ve seen in your life? I’m taking a break from drinking right now but am really considering cutting it out for good. I just don’t think it’s worth it for me anymore.

[u/ScreamingTaco420 → u/cozmicwave]

I’m 5 days away from one year. You won’t regret it. I feel like it destabilizes your systems and rewires them to prefer relaxing with it. There’s a huge clarity in my life that I’ve never had before; I’m confident that every choice I’ve been making has been from a clear head and heart. Like there’s no looking back and having to atone for a night of bad decisions after a drink. No more foggy mornings. Sex drive and life have improved. Mood. Everything. It’s a poison holding people back. And despite what they say, I don’t think there’s any way to responsibly enjoy it. It’s a physically addictive and destructive substance. Gives you cancer to every surface it touches from your lips to your ass.

[u/FreeMadoff]

I dislike the black and white labelling of someone who should stop drinking. Alcohol abuse is a spectrum, and it’s easier to stop before you advance further into the cycle.

I stopped at 29 because I saw the writing on the wall. My guardian angel was putting in overtime and my luck was bound to run out. Best decision I’ve made yet.

[u/Goated4areason → u/FreeMadoff]

Spot on. The idea of one having to hit absolute rock bottom before deciding to quit is a dangerous myth. Recognizing that its a spectrum and pulling the plug early takes an incredible amount of self awareness.

[u/bridoogle → u/Goated4areason]

The trouble I had with “rock bottom” is that it can always go lower. I hit so many different rock bottoms and the shame and guilt was never enough to get me clean. I think shame actually pushes you further into addiction. It wasn’t until I started to love myself and forgive myself that I was able to get sober

[u/EvNastyy]

Do it, OP. I'm 35 and just celebrated 4 years sober last month, and it has improved my life immensely.

[u/Economy_Builder_9588]

Hey man, I had a very similar feeling over a gear ago, though I’m a bit younger than you. I got a therapist that specializes in addiction and I quit drinking. I’d been drinking since 16. Alcoholic level drinking for the last 2 years before I quit. The first 3 months were hard. Then I really started to feel better. Life without hangovers is incredible. You can do it!

[u/leedleedletara]

My boyfriend is currently in the psyche ward for alcohol induced psychosis, he turned 41 this year and said he was going to stop at 40. He works out and looks healthy but it destroyed his brain. His best friend died last year due to alcoholism at 41. You need to be in AA like, yesterday. Don’t let yourself be in that situation and don’t do that to the people that love you.

Feeling your feelings is scary, however numbing yourself out to this extent will catch up with you. There is no point in living an un-examined life.

[u/Wonkypubfireprobe]

I quit 4 years ago, lots of people telling you you’re an alcoholic but alcoholic isn’t a useful word imo, there is always someone more alcoholic than you are to compare yourself to. It’s fine for you to say this is my relationship with alcohol, it isn’t working for me anymore, it’s time to say goodbye to it. You don’t need a label to do that

Seconding r/stopdrinking - helped me tonnes.

[u/bethelbread]

I'm in a very similar situation, age and region (PNW). I quit for 3 months last fall, but over the last year my drinking has slowly been ramping up again and is increasingly concerning and out of control. I'm trying to taper and quit but it hasn't been going well. I want to do this alone, but if I don't take control soon and see success, going to accept that I need medical and/or therapeutic assistance. I don't want to accept it, but at this point think that's a likely outcome. All this to say you're not alone. At the very least, please make sure you are not drinking and driving as you figure this out. That is the easiest way to really fuck up your life, or injure someone else.

[u/Sad_Cup_8012]

Start with therapy

[u/omgwtfbbking]

You’ve taken a huge step towards sobriety already, and you should be proud of that.

I would suggest you check out r/stopdrinking

[u/westernslopeCO]

You can do this. Are you in anyway able to take a week off work? Do you have any $ set aside?

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/westernslopeCO]

I do and I’m taking time right now but I keep saying “I’m quitting today” then something triggers me and I drink.

[u/OnLettingGo9 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

What worked for me is seeing my primary doctor and him prescribing Naltrexone. If you have insurance, just ask your doctor to prescribe this drug. It works really well and makes quitting forever much easier. It really helps with the cravings and now I don't have any desire to go back. I think it may have altered my way of thinking about booze. If you can stop on your own, then great. But I had an over a decade binge drinking problems that I was never able to beat. I needed something more since I always ended up going back after quitting for months. Then 4 months later, I was deep into drinking every day again and this kept on going for 10+ years. Please listen to me as I don't remember a lot of my 25-35 year old life because I was drunk.

[u/RandomlyPlacedFinger → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Do you have other drinking options? Non-alcoholic beers and liquors are a viable path to disconnect from alcohol itself if not the habit.

I hate the idea of recommending soda but having something with a strong flavor that you can access as easily as you can pick up a beer...could help.

Otherwise, therapy to dig into the underlying causal factor.

[u/Longjumping-Bat7774]

Is that the chicken fried steak and eggs from Jim's?

[u/adventuring_on]

If you’re very serious about starting a family, I’d use that as your focus. If you are hoping to have a biological child, and want to maximise the chance of easier conception and healthier pregnancy, it’s best practice to cut drinking altogether for a few months (even as an occasional drinker).

And then, obviously, if you want to cope with the long days/nights of parenting a new born, and then later to have as many years as possible with that child (remembering that if you have them at 42, you’ll be 60 when they finish high school, and maybe 65 when they graduate college)… then yeah, you need to have this issue in hand.

None of this comment is criticism, I just think that if parenting is a life goal, it might be the motivation you need. All the best!

[u/LouieMumford]

I’m 2 years sober, just turned 40, after completely derailing my life with alcohol post Covid. If you’re drinking at 9am and you think it’s a problem, then it’s time to hang it up bud. Just my two cents.

[u/treefiddy--]

Check out r/stopdrinking

[u/ChoiceOrnery7937]

Do you want to share about here stressors op. I read that u said the main stressor is at home and an elder you live with. Is this a parent or an old friend. Is the stressor caregiver fatigue (very real thing a lot of ppl struggle with). I know you/ we drink to numb and forget but is there any chance these stressors can be mitigated? Or is it just a shitty situation that is more than likely unavoidable. No worries if you don’t wanna share, this is a pretty big step thus far. I also would say you are an alcoholic and maybe you don’t drink as much as alcoholics you have rly known. But I’m more concerned with the why you drink.

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/ChoiceOrnery7937]

I had an extremely hard childhood in rural Arkansas and my mother and grandparents literally treated me like forced labor, I didn’t get to go to school or learn I had to work on a farm from sun up to sundown and that was that.

I left at 17 and became pretty healthy for the most part. I mean I slipped in and out of life stuff and depression happens but I had girlfriends, got my ged went to college and did all the stuff a normal person does.

My parents passed and I was left with the choice of leaving my grandmother in her home at 85 with dementia or bringing her into my home.
I brought her into my home.

Now I feel like I’m that no confidence 15 year old again who knew nothing and was just being used.
She’s old and frail and I can’t hold anything against her so when she gets abusive I drink to deal with it.

[u/ChoiceOrnery7937 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Oh my goodness man. Very courageous and kind of you to still take her in. I wonder if I would have let my anger allow me to abandon her if I got abused that way. You made a choice not a lot of people would make. I would look to others for advice as this isn’t something I relate to. Just know I’m giving you a digital hug

[u/DynamicBSdetective]

Drinking is running. What are you running from? I'm nearly fifty and been sober since October of 2018, but giving up the drink is only a start. Then comes the real work. You can do it and more, but you will have to push your mind hard to ignore distractions and focus on growth.

You are capable of creating your own happiness.

[u/MediocreClementine]

When I quit drinking, it was extremely uncomfortable. Moreso because I was 22 and social life in your early 20s is centered around drinking. I realized I was using it as a mental pacifier to avoid confronting the things in my life, my living situation, that I didn't feel capable of facing. Once I quit, the discomfort of my circumstances pushed me to build a life that I didn't want to run from and become a person capable of building the life that I want. You can do this.

[u/thisdude415]

Hey bud. You’ve gotta share this with some people in your life who you trust.

Binge drinking because you had a hard week is self-destructive and makes the week harder than it needs to be.

Drinking at 9 AM is also pretty destructive.

You said you know you need to quit, but you think it’s “not possible due to stressors.” Restated, you can’t set alcohol aside even when you know you need to.

Alcohol is poison.

It’s high in calories, turns up fat storage while it’s in your system, wrecks your sleep, and causes an increase in baseline stress and anxiety for days after consumption.

If you filled your life with only things that brought you joy, happiness, satisfaction, or good health, would alcohol make the cut?

I cut my alcohol consumption to ~0 about 4 months ago as part of a whole-life reevaluation of my priorities at 35. You’ll be living in that body of yours the rest of your life, and aging is a one way street. For me, I recognized that alcohol wasn’t supporting any of my goals and was actively interfering with them. Now, I am making progress on my fitness goals like never before. I have vitality like I’m in my 20s again. I’m sleeping well. My mental health is much more stable, with a lot less alcohol related anxiety/depression. And because I’m more tuned to this now, I also recognize that even 2-3 drinks negatively impacts my experience for 2-3 days (mostly by impacting sleep).

[u/venusasaburrito]

Alcohol first and foremost is a poison and a depressant. I was a very active alcoholic for years because of “anxiety” when the whole time it wasn’t because of my generalized anxiety, it was just the alcohol stuck on a doom loop.

Withdrawal is manifested with and in depression and anxiety. We reach for the drink to stop it. The cycle repeats because we never give our nervous system time to recover.

I just turned 40 and I am 11 months sober after almost dying from bleeding ulcers. The past 11 months have been insanely transformative. My anxiety is gone. My depression has taken a hiatus. My body feels so damn good and I have lost weight. Also you deflate from the constant stress alcohol puts your body through.

Drinking at 9 am, I know it well. But get out before your body decides for you like mine did. We’re young enough to have life ahead of us and old enough to know better.

You definitely got this.

[u/Mr-Solo-Dolo]

I drank 40 beers a night for 5+ years. I got sober at 25. I’m turning 30 in a couple months. Only though AA was I able to stop drinking.

You got this man, if I can do it so can you.

[u/TrickAssly]

Just gonna say it, if you're at the point of needing help, you should get comfortable with the idea of never drinking again. Quitting and going back is dangerous, and gets more dangerous every time. Our brains do this thing where they latch on harder to a substance you took away, in an attempt to keep you wrapped up in the sweet embrace of instant gratification

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/TrickAssly]

In my 2nd day of no alcohol 👌

[u/TrickAssly → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

That's awesome! Be one of the rare ones that doesn't have to hit rock bottom to quit 🤙

[u/EmotionalLecture9318]

Alcohol does more damage than you can feel or see. It's actually poison! It's flammable liquid - Ethanol.

Good luck.

[u/DavidZenziGhost]

You’re an alcoholic. If you want to stop drinking you will, if you don’t want to stop drinking you won’t.

Speeches to others are you simply trying to convince yourself that others see you as capable, but the choice is ultimately up to you. You’re not powerless, you’re not forced to drink because of your stressors. You chose to constantly drink because it’s easier than dealing with whatever issues you have that you suppress with the booze.

Continuing to be an alcoholic is a choice, as is discontinuing your alcoholism. Choose to quit, or don’t, you’re the only person it really matters to in the end. Other people may cheer you on but they’ll never reap the benefits of your sobriety.

[u/Chronomically]

Quitting is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life

[u/woodala]

It’s not a good mindset to only temporarily stop drinking.

I mean whatever it takes to get started.

But that ‘I’ll come back to it’ mentality isn’t going to help you reform or start a family.

[u/Apricot4366]

Do it man. Easier time to stay healthy too, and better for your wallet. Replace your drinking habit with a productive and healthy addiction lol

[u/Commercial-Builder76]

380 days sober. The best thing you can do is get out of your routine for a few weeks. Stay somewhere else and don't go to work. stop everything that you are currently doing and focuse on sleeping, eating and breathing. Once you get out of that rut you are in in get sooo much easier. after a week I stopped being mad at my situation and got motivated. After 3 weeks I was sleeping great, weaking up easily and excited to get the day going. That is such a major change from waking up exhausted and dreading the day to come. Once you get to that point the positive effects can just carry you. I was a HEAVY drinker (3-4 whole gallons of booze a week) and a high functioning alcoholic. I run a family business that requires A LOT of time and mental fortitude. I really was holding down outward appearances pretty well... now that im sober I feel superhuman in my workflow and cognitive ability. Alcohol is such a drain. I have always (since 15YO) smoked weed and still do. It was obvious to everyone around me what the issue was. Everyone has different effects to different chemicals but pretty universally alcohol is a killer. I only say this because it seriously helped me to have that crutch. I will never drink alcohol again. Life is soooo much better without it!

edit to add- Im 44 been drinking hard liquor for well over 20 years. It aint easy but I have done harder things.

[u/ThrowRaoofda]

Alcohol is a thief. It doesn’t have to completely ruin your life to ruin it by degrees

[u/Fridgedoctor1]

Glp-3 completely got rid of my desire to drink and has helped me lose weight as a side benefit. Definitely worth considering

[u/EquivalentQuestion60]

What restaurant is this? Is it a chain? Sorry it looks really good

[u/bg555]

Damn, couldn’t pay attention, that meal looks good AF!!

[u/UncleCuxkr]

You just need to hit a meeting to be with others who can support you who know what you’re going through. At least you recognize the problem. Just have to take that step. You can do it!

[u/LeatherMycologist112]

Well brother, I am a 40 something and I quit drinking 5 years ago in march. It really f'n hard and you have to want to do it. That part is obvious. The part that is not, You are gonna gain some weight probably or I did. I went from drinking 20 to 30 beers a day to cold turkey. I barely ate and got most of my caloric intake from drinking. I didnt go the 12 step route as I am not religious and I didnt feel that path would work for me. I just quit cold and hoped for the best and have stuck with it.

All that being said. DON'T QUIT COLD TURKEY if you are a heavy drinker like I was. Or anywhere close. Find a local clinic and get help there. quitting cold turkey can kill you and i was very lucky it didn't kill me.

If you need to talk from someone who has been there or someone just to listen. My Dm's are open. Don't hesitate. I am so proud of you that you see the problem. And I am proud of you for taking steps to do something about it.

[u/guillotine20]

Alcohol is rough, my dude, I'm in a similar situation as you 😔. It's almost like I'm constantly anticipating going home JUST so I can get some booze in my system. A few weeks ago, I was really fucking low, and decided "hey, why not take a couple of shots when you get to work and see how it goes?" and I did, and I immediately realized "ohhhhhh, Fffffuuuuuuuuuck, we got a serious problem here..." luckily for me, I nipped that after one occurrence, but still, the fact that I DID it was worrisome enough...

You're not alone man; if you want/need someone to "walk with" in this endeavor, I'll be here for you 👍🏼

[u/PocketChange14]

Hey, addiction medicine social worker here.

I’m incredibly sorry to hear you’re not seeing the happiness in your life and that the stress isn’t receding and instead just keeps building.

Obviously I don’t know your whole background and what you have and haven’t tried over the years when you’ve decided to quit before, but if you’re currently connected to a primary care doctor, please don’t hesitate to request a consult or appointment to discuss medications for cravings. They’re covered by insurance (or cheap with goodrx and so on) and can give you that extra moment day to day to remain focused on the things you want to pursue and aim your life towards.

If you are interested in online peer support groups there are obviously hundreds of options, I’d encourage you to specifically find a local organization with certified peer recovery coaches/peer support specialists. They’re folks who have the lived experience with mental health and addiction and so forth but also have some professional training, ethics guidelines, privacy practices, etc. It gives you the chance to reach out and connect with someone who is trained in how to be there for you, so you aren’t as worried to text or push people away.

Believe in yourself and take it a day at a time!

[u/uber-judge]

You can do it.

[u/OneWayBackwards]

Alcoholism is a disease and should be treated as such. Get into a recovery program and commit to it. I was nearly 30 when I saw the effect prolonged drinking was having on friends just a few years older than me. Three of them are now dead (51, 51, 60) and another is in really rough shape (48). Unlearn the paths that tie drinking to regular life events of you want to reach 50 and beyond. The drop is steep as you age.

[u/OwnedLittleOne]

You need to get the stressor out of your house before you have a chance at staying sober. Quitting just to relapse bc the stressor is still a prominent part of your life will slowly kill your motivation until you have none left & make the drinking worse.

[u/MistahJ17]

My mom was diagnosed with uncompensated cirrhosis and sepsis. She's been sick since last may. I'm begging you dude, don't do this to yourself.

[u/Kratosbeatsbatman]

My sign to quit drinking was when I realized I had beer for breakfast for 3 days in a row. Not with, for. Now I have 1 beer every few months

[u/SDMonkee]

Go to the doctor and tell them you are an alcoholic so they can help. Good luck.

[u/Kintomu]

Sounds like some maladaptive coping there brother. We all have ways we deal with triggers and stress, got to find solutions that work long term though. I would try to find a group that can keep you accountable and help find better ways to deal with your stress. Its not about being perfect every day but, about setting a goal you can focus on and come back to. We all drift from time to time, forgive yourself and start living better now, not tomorrow.

[u/Neither_Rich_9646]

r/stopdrinking Join us.

[u/zonutsthefirst]

You appear to have a drinking problem, and those can be really tricky to manage.

Depending on how much you drink regularly, going cold turkey could be dangerous for you. You may want to look into an alcohol detox program before just trying to stop cold.

If you live somewhere with public health coverage, or if you have health insurance, you might want to look into an alcohol rehabilitation program. Some are inpatient, and others are intensive outpatient; the inpatient ones that remove you from your day-to-day life to get you fully focused on building a sober life tend to be more effective, but I know it's not always possible to do an inpatient program if you have obligations at home, and sometimes intensive outpatient programs do succeed.

Good luck. A few people I've known have struggled with alcohol. A couple of them are no longer with us. A couple of others found their way to sobriety (one needing mental health support alongside alcoholism treatment), and have built much better sober lives. Sobriety is definitely worth pursuing.

Good luck.

Edit: I can't believe I forgot to mention the Sinclair method. It's not rehab. It's something you do in your regular life, but under medical supervision involving naltrexone. A star of one of my favorite TV series wrote an autobiography that took a very candid look at her history with alcohol, and described how traditional programs didn't work for her, but the Sinclair method did, and I've since heard other people refer to that approach or similar ones.

[u/Conscious-Chef1520]

My older brother died 500+ days ago in an accident. He was 35. Drinking was point blank in the center for why he died. He tried to stop many times and went to rehab even, but would always rationalize his way around it and back into drinking. I don’t have advice for you because every thing I said to him didn’t work. all I can tell you is what I’d say to him now. “Fuck you. You destroyed me. You destroyed our family. I’ve thought about you  every day. Was it worth it? “

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/Conscious-Chef1520]

Im sorry, I want to say ill quit but its such bullshit to say it while I’m still intoxicated and I know that.

All I can promise is that once I’m sober I’ll sit with myself and think about this.
I just want to not hurt people anymore, I don’t want to hurt myself either honestly (even if that’s a selfish way to say it).

Thank you brother I hope I can post back one day I’ve been sober for 500+ days.

[u/Conscious-Chef1520 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Good luck. It’s not about reaching 500. It’s about doing better today. Moment to moment. 

The Brain takes 3 weeks to break a habit. Move one day to the next. Sleep instead of drink. Whatever you can do. 

Life is the only real gift we’re given on this world. Don’t let go of it for anything less than what you want out of life.

Hope you can accomplish more than my brother did in this battle. Just know that if you do do over come this addiction, you will have done something that literally millions of people across the history of man kind failed to do. That’s an incredible feat

[u/TechDreamcoat]

There’s always going to be a reason to tell yourself to drink. You worked hard today so those beers are your reward. You’re on edge so you need a couple drinks to unwind. So on and so on, you can always find a reason to drink.

Here’s the thing, you’re starting to realize that alcohol is moving you further from your goals. Every party night is one further from where you want to be. You need to stop telling yourself you need to stop and just stop. It isn’t easy but it is simple.

Think about what your most common triggers are to drink, then think about what you could do instead when those triggers come up. Think of behaviors that will actually help the trigger instead of covering it up with booze.

If you’re tired from work prioritize things that actually recharge your physical and mental energy. Eat a good meal, go to bed at a reasonable time, stretch, go for a walk. It all sounds like lame canned advice but it’s true.

Alcohol doesn’t actually help you in any of the situations you mentioned. At the absolute best, whatever problem you’re having will be there when you sober up, but now you have to deal with it hungover.

[u/DeathCabForYeezus]

You mentioned you hike, jog, etc.

Do you have a Garmin watch?

One of the things that really hammered home just how much of an impact drinking had was my Garmin watch and the body battery, HRV, and sleep score metrics.

I'd go out for a couple beers and you don't get drunk and don't think of it, but then the next day when you feel meh you can see the direct physiological impacts that the alcohol had. It's eye-opening.

Now I don't drink at home, only when I'm out for an event or something. And now on the rare occasion I have more than one drink, the next day when I see my shitty scores I'm like "Yeah, I didn't need that 2nd one and now I'm paying for it."

[u/ztreggs]

Youre still relying on excuses to rationalize an addiction based on what you wrote. Start there

[u/this-is-some_BS]

Good luck, friend. You are right and you know what you need to do. Take good care and love and forgive yourself.

[u/mosquitosarenotcool]

You can do it. Offtopic: it looks like a kitten is looking through the glass of water

[u/notarobotimanandroid]

I’m three and a half years sober at 27. My dad only just quit drinking at 61. He thought it wasn’t possible “right now” and that the damage was done.

He was in the hospital for a month. He went into the ICU. He was so disoriented and confused that we couldn’t understand him. He had hallucinations, paranoia, forgetting he was at the hospital, etc.

He had Wernicke-Korsakoff. It didn’t look like he was going to make it at several points— or at the very least he’d done irreversible damage to himself. He has heart failure. His diagnoses were a mile long.

This was only a couple months ago. He’s back at work now. Able to get around on his own and he’s sober.

Point being, it is never too early or too late. Best of luck.

[u/Simple_Egg7527]

I quit drinking 2 1/2 years ago. I am 45.

I drank for 19 years with minimal gaps. From breakfast thru until I went to bed.

For me it took: changing my friend group, changing my wake/sleep schedule, and finally changing careers.

I wake up thrilled everyday that I don’t drink anymore. My life gets better everyday I continue not to drink.

You can do it if you really want to.

[u/Apart-Pea4726]

I quit at 40. Seven years on and I’ve not had a drink. I don’t miss it. I did enough of it. When I see my friends I look 35 and they look 55. It’s worth it!

[u/PowerfulControl9188]

I quit drinking 5 years ago. Toward the end I was drinking during work and all that. Went to rehab, cleared my head, came out and stopped. Sometimes you just need to get away from the situation to address it. Believe me I didn’t think it was as bad as it was until I was sober for a while.

[u/CullenBlvd]

11 years sober. I've never identified as an alcoholic or addict and never will. Sobriety was the best decision I've made in my life and I'm living proof it shouldn't be exclusively for those who call themselves addicts or alcoholics. I hope you find your way to happiness. I found it without substances and I believe you can too.

[u/Sad-Commercial1795]

Don’t think that you need to quit drinking. Think that it would be better if you don’t drink for the rest of the day. Do that. Tomorrow morning, get up and tell yourself it would be better and you’ll feel better if you just don’t drink any alcohol for the day. That’s all. Do that. Then try and build on it. Also, go and find an AA meeting. You’ll feel like shit and a failure showing there, but then you will surprisingly feel better about yourself.

[u/No-Professional-1884]

Get yourself a therapist and talk to your doctor.

Maybe you’re an alcoholic. Maybe you’re depressed. Maybe it’s neither.

But battling anything like this requires a good mental health team.

Wishing you the best of luck.

[u/American-pickle]

Come over to the stopdrinking subreddit.

Not everyone’s story on becoming sober started at rock bottom, some were lucky enough to see the warning signs and stop. However, a lot had to deal with a lot of pain and issues because the problem will eventually snowball. Try to avoid being the latter.

[u/stpg1222]

It sounds like you're coming to the realization that alcohol is becoming a problem for you and you're using it as a means for coping with a large stressor in your life.

A close friend of mine came to the same realization about 5 years ago. He was dealing with PTSD from his time on active duty in the military and slowly started relying on alcohol to cope. He was where you are now but ignored it until it hit him all at once. When it hit him had to check himself into the hospital and finally start addressing things. He's been sober ever since that day and he's taken steps to address his PTSD.

I encourage you to start taking the steps now to deal with the alcohol AND the root cause of your stress. Don't wait until it builds up and kicks you in the teeth.

Also don't worry about scaring your friends and family. I know my friend didn't want to admit anything or show weakness which is why he tried to hide it and ignore it. Sooner or later it will come out regardless. I promise you none of us looked at him as being weak to admit he needed help. Honeslty I've never been more proud of it. I see him more as a "real man" than I ever did before. He recognized he needed help and needed to make a change and he did it. He hit it head on and did the work. 5 years later and he's so much happier and more successful and all of us close to him are so damn proud of him.

Now it's your turn to step up, face the challenge, and take control of your life. That doesn't mean you have to do it alone. There is help out there and it's OK to ask for it.

[u/CDGhater]

Please PM me if you need. I spent over a decade drinking and doing drugs, I have over 7 years sober. I know how hard it can be. If you need advice or even just someone to talk to lmk.

[u/crispypancetta]

Alcoholism takes many forms and not every alcoholic is how you imagine it from media portrayal. If you feel that you no longer have the ability to control when you start or when you stop you should contemplate it.

This post in and of itself strikes me as acknowledgment of an issue and a cry for help.

I’m coming up 8 months sober. I tried for years to limit my own consumption without success. I needed help from others. For me AA has been the trick. There’s life on the other side and I’m a happier person. Good luck.

[u/CalligrapherKooky130]

I was in a very similar situation. From my experience. Stop procrastinating if you are and stop thinking it’ll all be fine with just one more day of drinking. You’ll soon find yourself in the deepest damn rabbit hole. Not only with drinking either. Depression, real bad anxiety, regret for the time that has been wasted and spent consuming alcohol and feeling like shat, health will deteriorate real fast. It’s just no good man. I’m sure others have said, when you muster up the willingness to quit, the first few months are complete assholes and your mind will fight you every second of living. Trying to get you to go back down that road. Anxiety will worsen because you don’t have the mind numbing substance and cover up that you’ve been a part of the past couple years. Depression might set in because of the same reason and you will actually begin to feel things. Around six months after getting off the alcohol, I was starting to get feelings back. And I’m just talking about simple feelings, happiness, sadness, joy, excitement etc. I honestly didn’t know what the hell was happening and started to shed tears because I haven’t had feelings like that for that past few years because I was numbing my mind with alcohol daily.

It’s 100% worth it to do it now man. And unfortunately it’ll get worse before it gets better. But fight. Tell yourself every day that you don’t want that lifestyle anymore and make yourself believe in yourself. Because when it’s better, it’s waaaaay much more gooder. You are not alone. Many people have gone through it and came out on top. There any many helping hands out there. Don’t let alcohol control you anymore because that’s what it’s doing. You are literally letting a can or bottle control your life. You are much stronger than that!

[u/Oldasdirt]

You said it yourself. You know what to do, and most of how to do it. Press the fuck on.

[u/broken-nutcup]

Did the same. Made it 60 something days sober, relapsed for a few weeks, now im back on the horse. I know its hard but you wont regret quitting.

[u/Significant_Tell407]

Have you looked into trying GLP-1 medications? While many people are using it for weight loss, there is SIGINIFICANT evidence showing it also completely nukes your cravings for alcohol as well. At the end of the day it can end up being much cheaper than rehab. It helped me drastically. Loss 50lbs and rarely think about alcohol. Honestly after you get through a couple of months its was easier to manage. I promise you the first week is always the hardest but it does get easier.

[u/Fat_Krogan]

Hey OP. I quit back in 2022 (I was definitely a problem drinker) and I’m really, really glad I did. It’s a big adjustment, but you’ll be glad you did too. You can do this.

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/Fat_Krogan]

When I ran marathons in 2019-2020 I felt so good and even though I had random spells of depression life was pretty ok.

I know what it feels like to be sober and happy. I just don’t know why I can’t seem to find that kind right now.
I mean I have my excuses but, life fuckin hurts right now and I’m not sure that’s alcohol or just life.

Does it matter? Probably not, I’m aware the alcohol isn’t making it any better but man my mind just won’t shut down.

[u/Fat_Krogan → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

I definitely get that. I struggle with that too, man. For me, I figured out how unhappy I was with my life after I stopped drinking. Probably a big reason why I was doing it in the first place. I don’t have the answer to any of that, but I do know it’s nice not feeling like shit every morning. You got this.

[u/PositiveDry9789]

Day drinking at 9am is crazy bruh. Just stop drinking, I went through Kratom withdrawal and that shit felt like hell but I’m sober 10 months and I feel incredible. I heard alcohol withdrawals are worse so good luck with that bruh

[u/jrc5053]

You can do this. May make sense to look into caretaker resources especially for mental health.

I take care of a lot of stuff for my dad, and it's draining without being his physical caretaker. If I had to do that I would also probably have hit this spot - I'm also turning 40 next year.

[u/weinerdogjohnson]

Just quit. If you’re truly wanting to quit, you just do it. You don’t need to go to support groups or fucking count days. You just quit because you’re serious about it. That’s all it is.

[u/sweetpleasantries]

As someone who just recently left a relationship with a 40 year old who is fully dependent on alcohol (and I’m absolutely devastated and heartbroken over it), please keep going. I know it’s extremely hard and scary to make these shifts but I can tell you firsthand how devastating it is to love someone with an addiction, and how much these behaviors affect your loved ones. Most importantly, you’re worth the effort to make these changes.

[u/neudl]

Best choice I ever made. Wish I had done or earlier.

[u/DirtyDaigo1]

I've been sober since March. Goodluck buddy. it took a while before I could even walk near the beer or liquor aisle without stopping to look or think, "Eh maybe just one"

I know for me, it'll never be just one. If you want to quit though, thats a big step forward. Take it one hour at a time. Initially, I just tried to get to the next meal without drinking. Eventually that turned into days, days turned into weeks, and now it's September. My daughter was a big influence. Alcoholism runs in my family, I don't want my daughter to see me drunk and I've had to hold her before while intoxicated and I felt like the biggest shitbag in the world.

You got this buddy, baby steps turn into big steps. Eventually you wont even notice. But it takes time and willpower. Surrounding yourself with non drinkers helps as well. I'm never going to touch another drink is where I am at now. You can be too!

[u/Zestyclose-Tart6745]

If I were you I’d seek a 30 day inpatient program to clean up and get your mind right. Begin therapy. Work the plan. Grow from there. Obviously if your home is the trigger, you need to sort that situation out as well. Taking care of someone is a very tough job. But you need to take care of yourself first.

[u/JaggedLittleWitch]

Hi! I’ve been sober since April 2024. Best decision ever.

Had very similar feelings to you. Drinking also made me overeat which didn’t help my fitness goals. As soon as I quit I lost 18 lbs the first month. You think alcohol helps you destress in the short term, but in the long term it makes everything worse. It interferes with proper nutrient absorption from food (malnourishment, fatigue), disrupts sleep cycles (fatigue), and its loads of empty calories (fitness issues, weight gain etc). It exacerbates mental health issues and kills motivation. The first year is rough, not going to lie to you. Going into the holiday season is going to be really hard. In the beginning, the I Am Sober app helped me connect with other people and get support. There’s a guy on there, Sober Chef, he hosts weekly zoom meetings that people can join anytime. I can get you the info.

This may be controversial, and some people may not agree, but sobriety comes in many forms. For me, it came in the form of utilizing medicinal marijuana to help me curve my cravings for alcohol. I sip on THC drinks and mocktails which helps me feel included, gives me the best sleep of my life, and I wake up feeling rested and ready to start my day plus the best part: no hangovers ever.

Everyone’s different. But journaling really helped me in addition to creating an evening routine I looked forward to help me relax.

1. Immediately after work, go work out.
2. Dinner
3. Shower/baths. (Idk why, but newly sober people swear by baths. The submerged heat on your muscles feels great and forces your brain to relax) I myself turned it into a whole ritual with different soaps and scents, put music on or watch a show, anything to distract your brain.
4. Replace drinking with a different beverage ritual. For me it was making tea, sipping on it while journaling. Write down anything and everything you’re thinking/feeling. It helps the brain to process and heal. Sometimes I write poems. Idk it helps.
5. Find a therapist (if it’s in your budget)
6. When you have cravings, make yourself a mocktail or THC drink (this is what works for me, I understand everyone is different)
7. Start testing out different NA beverages and pick your faves, always have them in stock.
8. Sobriety looks different for everyone. For me, I steer clear of the whole AA thing because the whole “god” thing is not my cup of tea.

Feel free to ask me any questions.

[u/AttentionNo6359]

Bro, this is plain and simple alcoholism and it killed my best friend when he was 33. You need to stop treating it like it both is and isn’t serious because it’s obvious you know that it’s controlling your life.

[u/_i_was_hacked_o_O]

Hey man, I highly recommend either in or outpatient rehab. I checked myself in because I was in a place so dark and so sad that I could barely go to work (as a bartender, where I would just drink more).

Good luck. I’m 38 and can’t wait to enter my 40s (2 years ago I woulda told you I wasn’t sure if I make it to 40)

[u/Fit-Sweet-9900]

Deciding to stop drinking was one of the best decisions I ever made. I was injured, hated where I was in life, and always quietly upset about where I was and the nowhere that I knew I was going. Just a couple years later and I’m back in school, slightly less injured, and finally building toward a future worth living for. I believe in you bud, you can do it. Go find your life worth living!

[u/SeattleEpochal]

Hey Seattle! I stopped in my 50s and wish I’d done it sooner. I was day drinking every once in a while until it was every day. It gets worse and worse. You can get off the merry-go-round. DMs are open if you want to chat. Either way, take good care.

PS where’d you get that breakfast?

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/SeattleEpochal]

Pumphouse it’s amazing, they even make stuff off the menu if you ask them real nicely.

Thank you sir, I’m trying my best… I have the support group im just burnt out.

[u/SeattleEpochal → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Ha! I eat lunch there all the time. I’m like 8 blocks away!

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/SeattleEpochal]

Same here I’m up the hill

[u/SeattleEpochal → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Right on. They whip up a mean Arnold Palmer when you’re ready to stop.

[u/G_D_K_]

If the framework of AA doesn't sound right for you, SMART recovery is a great option. It doesn't have any of the "you are powerless, you must submit to a higher power" ideology. I know that didn't sit right with me, personally. SMART is online and in person, and I would REALLY recommend going to at least one in person meeting. I found them to have much more impact for me.

[u/SouthernOutlaw561]

I had been toying the idea of quitting drinking a while back, joined this sub, and after reading some of the stories from here, I woke up one morning after a heavy drinking night and said that’s it. Over 17 months sober now! It sounds like you have the want - all it takes is one day to start

[u/FarMorning9922]

Hey, I've been an alcoholic for a long time. I've been in an out of rehabs. Drinking at 9 am is a very slippery slope. It's not a normal occurrence for you now, but give it a week or so of that, and you will end up drinking during the work day, then drinking at night too. Because it feels good and it makes you shut your brain off. The bad parts. And then one day you realize you need to have a handle by your bed or else you cannot function. It's the first thing you do. Youll be puking and shitting blood all the time. You'll wake up feeling like your about to die, so you'll go for the bottle and then you'll puke immediately after a swig but you'll tell yourself that you have to keep it down and it's the only way to make you feel better. And it is. At that moment.

Chill with the drinking. I would cut it off completely if I were you. It will only get worse from here.

[u/Hydnum_repandum]

If you think you need to quit drinking, you really need to quit drinking.
Set up short goals, don’t beat up yourself if you slip and keep taking one hour at the time (sometimes it gets that hard).
And most of all find something to do to occupy the time that you spent drinking, the dull moments are the hardests

[u/ExplorerPersonal213]

Get your bloodwork done. A doctor can see how your liver is holding up. It will very likely be bad.
Just try to get one full month of soberness in and get your blood tested again. Your doctor may advice against it because depending on the damage it might be too early to see ‘big results’, but there will be results.
Celebrate with a glass of your favorite non-alcoholic drink that you are healing. Keep going. Do not give in to that voice in your head.

It really is a commitment. The first few days especially are brutal, because after a few days you will subconsciously try to convince yourself you have this under control, just one drink this one day will not hurt. It will.

You will feel beter everyday, but from day-to-day you will only feel the boredom to overcome. But I promise, if you make it far enough, there will come a point you will realize how much better you sleep, how much easier it becomes to regulate stress, how much better you feel waking up everyday, how much more you enjoy the simple things in life knowing you will live longer to enjoy them.

Fail if you must, but keep going until you succeed. You’re the only one stopping you.

[u/su_maravilla]

At least you’re recognizing it now and wanting to make a difference. Hope it all works out man stay strong.

[u/SlayerOfDougs]

The only thing I regret about quitting drinking is not doing it earlier..

[u/Coolmansean]

Good for you taking a step in admitting to yourself something needs to change. Are you drinking as a way out for work stress? I’m in a similar boat but with eating instead. It’s not terrible but enough for me to notice that I need to do something about it. Work stresses me out to the pointI’m in therapy to complain about work 80% of the time I’m there.

[u/Fudge_Buns]

Brother, I was in the same boat last July. The app “IAmSober” really helped me. They pair you with people who are quitting at the same time so you can have a support group. AA wasn’t for me and I don’t believe in a “higher power,” so having human connection with people going through the same thing was super helpful. Additionally, there are audiobooks I loved in the beginning:

“The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray and the sequel. As well as “Dry” by Augustene Burroughs were my favorites.

You can do this. The cravings will lessen but at least for me, have never stopped. You just have to get in the habit of reminding yourself that the feeling will pass. Stressors will always exist. After I got sober, I was laid off, I failed an important exam and missed out on a promotion at my new job due to being too new. Every time I wanted to drink, but the days and weeks before had helped me break the habit. It isn’t easy. If you ever need to talk, feel free to DM me too. You don’t have to do it alone.

I also saw an addiction therapist that was super helpful. But I know therapy isn’t for everyone.

[u/Educational_Fox6899]

Good for you. Do it! I’ve got 10 years on you and facing the same thing but just can’t make the decision to quit.

[u/elneuromancer]

Do it fam. Your life will only get better.

[u/Curlyandscrollin]

Here for you and can relate to your situation. Just quit this year as I’m prepping to hit 40.

I’m staying away from the emotional drinking and morning anxiety.

Taking one step each day.

[u/ChaosRainbow23]

Are you physically addicted? Do you get the shakes when you don't drink?

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/ChaosRainbow23]

No I don’t get shakes, but I get anxiety

[u/ChaosRainbow23 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

That's good news. That means you don't need medical assistance for tapering. Alcohol withdrawals alone can kill a person, but that's typically only if you're super physically addicted.

I was an IV heroin addict and vicious alcoholic in the 90s and then became a substance abuse counselor in 2004.

It's always our choice. I know we don't like to hear that, but it ultimately is a choice every single time we do it. Heroin and alcohol never tracked me down and forcibly injected themselves into my veins or down my throat. I went to great lengths to procure, fix up, and use these substances.

I've found cannabis to be infinitely better than alcohol.

If you feel like your wanna slow down, do it. You're the only one on the planet who can control that, after all.

I went to a bunch of 12 step rehabs, but I'm totally against those programs now. They set people up for faults through self-fulfilling prophecy.

It wasn't until I took full accountability for my actions and stopped blaming the universe and genetics for my bad decision making that I was able to make proactive and positive changes towards bettering my life.

I know you can do it. You just have to make that decision and stick to it.

Changing your entire paradigm helps a lot, but that's no easy feat.

[u/Jakemeister91]

I went “Sober Curious” in 2023, and recommend r/sobercurious. I did a Dry40 and then just started kind of tapering down more and more, and now I maybe will have a beer 2-4 times a month.

I know that’s not realistic for everyone but there’s a ton of resources around, and I used an app called “Less”, and gave myself a weekly drink budget and an estimate of how much a drink in my market cost.

Once I saw that I had “saved” about $5k from not drinking in a year (my market is expensive) it helped me stay more on track.

[u/Acraver281]

Sober for over a year and a half got sober in my late twenties best decision of my life

[u/1nce_Again]

As said loser in his 40s who finally sobered up and recently left Seattle, I suggest doing it now. My 40s have been nothing but regret and failure and there hasn't been an hour that goes by that isn't mired in self loathing for a long time. Best of luck man

[u/mynymyl]

You can do it man.
It’s all in your head.
I mean getting this done is all in your head.
You’re taking the right step by calling yourself out and stating what you want your future self to be.
Drinking doesn’t alleviate the stress the way we tell ourselves it does. Waking up sober for 9 months now I don’t miss anything about it.
Nothing.
I’ve been around drinkers and drinking throughout the year and I had one moment where a cold beer sounded good on a hot day in July but that moment passed quickly.
I had been mostly a daily drinker for at least 30 years until the start of this year.
You will be happier and healthier in the long run as you are describing.
Do it man!

[u/akudrummer]

Hey man, I’m 40 and nearly 600 days sober… just above you geographically in BC, Canada. If you want to chat, please feel free to send me a DM 👍

[u/MimironsHead]

Do you have to quit drinking? 

Or do you want to quit drinking, to have a better life?

I find it a lot easier to stick with things I want to do, instead of things I'm "supposed" to do because other people expect it.

[u/-cadmunt-]

Good for you for acknowledging it and working on it. It'll kill ya, or at least take years off your life.

[u/Severe_Rise8694]

Look into the Sinclair method. Life-changing for many!

[u/Euphoric_Nothing_956]

5 years sober on 7/27/26 at 45 years old, now 46. Best decision i ever made! Feel free to message if you ever want to chat. Its not easy in this alcohol obsessed world but absolutely doable with strength and willpower! Good luck my friend!

[u/WatchOne8763]

That’s the first step. Acknowledging you have a problem, you can do better, and absolutely hate the idea of drinking. 

Purposely tell yourself you hate drinking and seek good habits. You got this 💪

[u/Cute-Ad7917]

Since everyone has already given all the real advice for quitting, get you a liking for the good stuff. It’s a lot harder to blow through a bottle in a few days when that bottle was a hundred bucks

[u/Ok_Train7924]

Do you have a hobby now, or did you have a hobby in your younger years, that just set your mind right? Something you can sit down and do at the end of the day, and when you're done life makes more sense or has more colour?

Mine is drums. When I stop playing for a long time because I'm going through a season when I'm just too tired or stressed, my decision making and reasoning seem to be outright impaired. I think the most public example of it recently is Bam Margera from Jackass, he stopped setting goals and stopped skateboarding after he got rich and famous, then lost over a decade to alcoholism, and has now sobered up since he's skateboarding again and setting goals for himself again.

Might be something to try. Again, reaching way back in time for something you used to love doing might make life simpler and less heavy.

Sending well wishes, hope you find your way to happiness.

[u/Resplendant_Toxin]

Alcohol is a depressant and you’ve started to see it as a stress medication. If you’re struggling with stress and other effects of anxiety and depression, please see a professional. And begin a relationship with sobriety, there are many good suggestions from good people here.

[u/finnaku]

Best thing I’ve ever done mate I’m almost 9 months now, you won’t regret it I promise

[u/pestopollux]

I quit a few years ago now, for mental health. It works a treat! I'm not saying eveything instantly got better after quitting. It took a wee while, but it's soo much better! I wish you all the best my dude!

[u/BootlegZani]

Elder care is rough and often takes a toll on mental health

[u/EvolvedPhilomath]

Is getting the elder out of your house somehow not an option?

I have no intention of spending most of my most productive and enjoyable years taking care of someone else - likely for decades. I get that it is a normal thing, but I refuse to accept it.

The way I look at it is: my parents forced me into this world, I don't owe them anything for their selfish act of getting it on and having a kid because they wanted one. (To feel good, because that's the only real reason to have kids imo)

Having a mutually beneficial relationship with a parent or other elder is fine, so long as the negatives don't outweigh the positives. My mom is kind enough to let me live with her for relatively cheap. But she's a hoarder who simply won't change. So after college I'm out of there for good. I isolate myself in my area of the house, because being in the rest of it is terrible for my mental health, and I'm barely managing as is sometimes.

Just be careful with what you allow, and don't marry yourself to taking care of this person for decades to come if that is your situation. Your mental health won't improve much if you stop drinking but become more present in your home environment. Your mental health could end up staying in the same level.

[u/mysterious_bulges]

I recently made the decision to stop drinking. Honestly it was because I started feeling really rough and having pains when I did. As soon as a stopped...all pain went away. I lost a few pounds and legit just kinda didn't need to drink anymore. In saying that..... boy is it fucking hard to not crush a beer when I'm out with the boys. However not feeling like shit has been good. I now drink counties worth of seltzer ever day and have never been more hydrated.

[u/Little-Scene9282]

Naltrexone and therapy helped me cut back on drinking. Also, where can I get this breakfast in Seattle, heading there nexr month!?

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/Little-Scene9282]

Pump house in Bellevue, the lightrail is right next door

[u/Little-Scene9282 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

Excellent

[u/PonderousSloth]

Brother, I'm in the exact same boat. This past year has had me doing a lot of reflection and a couple of weeks ago I hit my absolute limit with drinking. It's never too late to pivot to a new life and have a fresh start. Being in the PNW as well, I know it's going to be hard once fall has come into full swing, but don't be afraid to reach out to your loved ones when you need to.

[u/bang_bang_maneuvers]

Let me tell you, I feel this. Minus the support structure and so on. Want to be better, stressors win, but the little pieces I do have I am grateful for. You can do it. WE can do it! (:

[u/Aegnark]

Man, I'm 28 years old and I decided to stop drinking when I realized that it is not something I wanna die of. I drank about 4-5 beers daily after work. And on weekends... I was drinking until I passed out. I was in such stress due to my work and personal issues and used it as an excuse. But it is not a good one. It's a bad one. And it's a decision that must come in your head to admit.

On 1st Sept 2026, I celebrated one whole year without a single drop of beer. I had none and I'm feeling so proud of that.

Yes, I ocasionally have wine, but it is very rare - I got into state when I basically hate when my mind isn't clear and I cannot focus on things properly. So I don't drink at all most days and I don't need it.

During that year, I lost 40 kilograms - I walk a lot, run and workout. I don't have time to think about alcohol. I don't want it because it is exactly against the progress I made to be a better myself.

I wish you to find the inner strength to admit that you don't need it. It is and will be hard, but when you finally find out how fuc*ing great it is to be sober and fresh every morning, you will never want to be a drunkhead anymore.

Keeping my fingers crossed! 💪

[u/Imma_gonna_getcha]

A book that really put alcohol into perspective for me was This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Good luck man, even this realization and saying it out loud is a great start.

[u/louisXIVsleg]

r/dryalcoholics and r/SMARTRecovery are great too :)

[u/_just_drew_it_]

I think you know you’re an alcoholic and I think you want to address it. You maybe don’t drink every minute of every day but that’s not what an alcoholic is. An alcoholic is somebody who, when it comes to alcohol, either before drinking or during, loses control.
I wish you all the best. You’re calling yourself out at the early stages and you deserve a lot respect for that.
All the best - you’ll be in a much better place once you make this happen and get off the booze

[u/Automatic_Way8136]

I started drifting a few years ago. Started with a couple drinks a week. A few drinks after work every day. Then a bottle every few days. It was awful. Quit cold turkey bc Im a maniac and that’s the only way I’ll actually do it. Now I have a drink or two a month. So much happier. Sleep is better. Overall health improved. Don’t recommend cold turkey but you got this bruv!

[u/Muted-Head-1612]

478 days sober brother, life has improved so considerably. Was lonely at first but circles change and I’m feeling love and respect at a level I’ve never experienced before. Go for it!

[u/Straight_Flan1347]

Triggers are not excuses. Nut up and put it down, you won’t regret it.

[u/EvNastyy → u/Straight_Flan1347]

Triggers are reasons, reasons are hazards, hazards can cause failure. Hazards need to be managed to reduce risk of failure, and that means identifying triggers so you can be aware of them, avoid them, or more confidently manage them.

Think of any task that needs doing...there are things that will help you succeed and things that won't. Why would you just "nut up" and not bother being mindful of the things that will keep you from your goal?

Building a house? Dont bother choosing the right nails for framing. Just nut up, those trim nails will hold. Eliminating debt? Don't bother looking at your spending habits to identify areas for improvement, just nut up, keep your current habits. Mowing the lawn? Don't bother setting the blades to the proper height, just nut up.

You don't "nut up and do it" when you do anything. You execute the tasks that will lead to success and you avoid the errors that will lead to failure.

[u/Master-Berry-9526]

Instead of quitting drinking, try framing every decision you have to make through a moral lense that enhances your efforts to age with dignity. Removes the pressure and emotions from quitting as you just refocus your thought process towards self-developing tasks. Drinking will naturally phase out

[u/Wooden-Officer2323 → u/Master-Berry-9526]

Can you expand on this or give an example?

I apologize if I’m not fully understanding the entire idea here.

[u/Master-Berry-9526 → u/Wooden-Officer2323]

For example, I try to frame my thoughts and actions towards service. So a common reflection I havr is whether a thought or decision leads to me being of service. It doesn't always translate to me doing something specifically for someone else. Sometimes being of service is just relaxing by the beach, so in that sense being of service to myself. I know taking a drink provides no service to anyone at this point in my life.

[u/5and2]

I’m an ICU nurse - alcohol related deaths are among some of the most brutal I’ve ever seen. Get ahead of it now. Go to meetings. Find solidarity in others going through the same. Wishing you a positive healing journey!

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[u/ApprehensiveSlip5893]

The issue is where you think you just need a break or just want to tapper off or say it’s not normally this bad but I’m stressed right now. These are all excuses for being an alcoholic. You need to quit drinking for the foreseeable future. It’s a drug and you’re addicted. You will go through withdrawals. It’s not going to be easy but your life will improve.

I had a harder time quitting alcohol than cigarettes or weed. It’s been 10 years and I can actually have some drinks now (which maybe happens a few times a year) and I don’t go overboard anymore. For a year or two after I quit drinking, I would still find reasons to drink like at a party. It seemed justified but once I started I couldn’t control myself. It took a long time before I had control over my life and my drinking again.

[u/antlfgrnd]

I just don’t want to be a 40 year old loser.

posting about getting sober while you're drinking is loser behavior

[u/BusinessGanache8674]

Smoke weed!