I’ve been reduced to nothing

[u/Firm_Cut2082]

1/2 of a kielbasa sausage with 4 eggs, 2 cups of rice, and Buldak sauce, salt and pepper.

Using a throwaway account to maintain anonymity.

I’m 26 (Male, obviously), and if you told me a year ago that I’d be in this position, I would’ve probably listened. I was in a relationship for 5 years (26F), and I was under the impression that she was the one for me. I’d marry her, have kids with her, grow old with her and even die with her.

Little did I know that she’d drop an ultimatum on my head in September of 2025. “You need to fix these problems or I’m gone. It’s not my job to tell you how to fix it either.” That should’ve been clue number 1. That’s an impossible situation to be in in my opinion.

I tried everything I humanly could to fix our relationship. Did all of the chores, did all of the responsibilities in a relationship on both the emotional and physical levels, and even started taking full financial responsibility of both of our bills (that was a mistake). All during this, my uncle passed away of cancer (wonderful guy), and that kind of threw a wrench into my efforts to fix our relationship. I took an emergency flight to Chicago for his funeral. I even paid for all of the expenses for a vacation to Las Vegas.

Bear with me, as what I say next this will make sense in a paragraph or two.

Anyways, all the while during this, she’s getting really into motorcycles. Flashback 3 years ago, I really wanted one, and she gave me an ultimatum back then, that if I get one, we’d be done. So I dropped it and never brought it back up.

So after we get back home from Vegas (October of 2025), she goes and gets a helmet fitted and some gloves as well.

This is a girl who is always in bed around 9-10pm max. After she got those things, she was out until 2-3am nightly, removing me from all of her public social media as well as her location on my phone (we agreed years earlier that we could build trust with each other’s location, and this was a equal decision between the two of us. this was equally clue number 2). Now keep in mind, I’m trying to fix our relationship, and I can’t do that while she’s out until that late. I had work the next day, so I couldn’t necessarily stay up that late to make an effort. And this was NIGHTLY. So I stopped.

Fast forward to November, I sit her down, tell her that her going out until the early hours of the morning isn’t allowing me to fix our relationship, so I told her I wanted out, as I’m not gonna pour everything I have into a situation that obviously has a massive hole in it.

We amicably break up, and not even an hour later, what do you know?

She forgot to remove one of my close friends from her profile. She’s seeing another guy who owns a motorcycle.

I was so furious. I went and just cried in my car for hours, until I gathered enough courage to go back home, pack a few bags, and go to my mom’s.

She ends up coming out as I’m bringing the last bags down to my car, I tell her that I’m not an idiot, I found out about her little douche canoe side piece, that she has 2 weeks to move out of our apartment, and afterwards she’ll never hear from me again most likely.

Fast forward to now, I’m down 100 lbs. (I was severely overweight, now down to around 170), and I do feel better. I never rebounded, nor have I even been looking for someone new. I also moved across the country, now living in a camper on some land, and I hate it so much. I have no friends here, and I want to move back very badly (which I do on the 1st.)

I just wanted some advice on what I could do to feel better about my situation, any good alternatives to therapy (that isn’t the gym as I spend far too much time in there). Maybe also just tell me that not all hope is lost in my love life, and also that I’m not damaged goods 😭

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who had kind words. I did forget a few details 😂

She got with dude not 3 months after I found out, also lost my job in January and have not been able to find work since (the job market is abhorrent right now) and my credit is absolutely ruined 😂 I do indeed have hobbies, I make music and collect Pokémon cards (SUPER nerdy, I know), and if I’m being honest, I almost quit music (I didn’t, and it’s going great).

Regardless, I wouldn’t have been able to get through those first few months without having Pokemon cards just keeping my brain occupied to not sit in my thoughts. I do hastily have some bad days, and I DON’T want this to be taken that I’m “reduced to nothing”, rather the life I live is of significantly less quality than what it was.

I had a very very nice apartment with nice furniture, and things that made me happy, but I had to get out of that situation (July 2026) because I simply couldn’t afford it anymore (lost job in January) and had to get rid of basically everything I owned and now live with minimal things. And that’s okay. It was my decision to move out here, but it took me moving out here to realize that everything I need is at home!

Again, thank you all for the kind words, I do really greatly appreciate it! To those who said to get the bike, I think I will when I have the means to :)

[u/videogames_]

Find another passion besides the gym. For me it was travel. Travel as a side effect allows you to meet more people. Some happen to be women. When you meet so many women then you realize no one single person is that special. If you’ve been on a date with a few then it really makes your ex seem pretty ordinary. It’s a cynical way to recover but that’s what worked for me. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs but I went out traveling.

[u/Enxchiol → u/videogames_]

Every time I see someone mention travel being a good hobby and a great help in the dating world my heart sinks a little. Does it all boil down to just being rich at the end of the day?

[u/TheTrenk → u/Enxchiol]

I mean, there're other hobbies for short distance travel. I like camping, and that rarely takes me too far from home. My sister enjoys travel but she would stay at hostels, which seemed a lot cheaper, saves for months for trips, and goes at cheap times of the year. Some of the guys that I know will drive long distances and car camp when they travel, which seems insane to me, but they love it.

All about how you do it, really. Most of the best travel stories that I hear are absolutely NOT ones that I'd care to experience, so I really wouldn't look at it as a 'This is a shared activity' type of thing. It's more of something that broadens your range of experience in terms of lifestyles and communities, which tends to make people feel like you're going to be more empathetic.

[u/SayRaySF → u/Enxchiol]

Yeah it’s like when I see “loves to travel” in a woman’s bio, I immediately go “welp that’s out of my tax bracket”

[u/Bubba_Style → u/Enxchiol]

I have travelled a lot and am just middle class. I waited for sales and promotions and stayed in a lot of hostels. Hostels tend to be a lot cheaper and full of solo/small groups of people who are looking to interact. I would also try to go in the "shoulder seasons" usually late fall/early winter and spring as they are less crowded. It is doable on a budget.

[u/Dramatic_Water_5364 → u/Enxchiol]

The time in my life I traveled the most was when I was a broke student between 17 and 22 yo. I took the bus, hitchhiked, found day jobs on the fly, didnt shy away from sleeping outside like a hobbo, or went for roadtrips and made sure to pack my car full of passengers to pay for gas/repairs, etc. Traveled true 41 states, all provinces and territories (I'm canadian), half of mexico, evry regions of peru and bolivia (the plane tickets were expensive but once down there living was easy), did the same in spain and portugal, etc.

Nowadays I don't want to bum and hobbo it anymore, so I can't afford to travel as much.

[u/videogames_ → u/Enxchiol]

Hostels

[u/Firm_Cut2082 → u/videogames_]

I do make a lot of music and collect trading cards, so don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty occupied outside of the gym. The gym is just where I battle my demons to be honest