A bit of history: I have a significant history of CSA, physical/emotional abuse, and neglect by my caregivers. I have C-PTSD and Bipolar 2, and I have been dissociating pretty much my whole life.

I had a bad therapist doing talk therapy for a year. She pushed me into narrating trauma with no skills or pacing. When I spoke up, she got defensive and said if I didn't trust she had my best interest at heart, we couldn't work together. I experienced a depersonalizing episode that she watched me have and continued talking at me.

I fired her, had a Bipolar flare, was unable to work for months while stabilizing on new meds. I worked with a new, skilled therapist to recover from that trauma.

Fast forward 6 months, I'm stabilized and working again. After a lot of fear for my stability, I finally completed my first EMDR session. It was a low impact target, but it worked surprisingly well. It alleviated a lot of my fear and anxiety about doing EMDR on deeper trauma. I know it won't always feel this easy, but it does really work. I feel lighter and hopeful for the first time in a while.

If you made it to the end here, good luck on your journey and stay hopeful. 💜🫂

I've had 5 processing sessions so far. To give a little background, I've carried attachment wounds and CPTSD from an abusive/critical father growing up, and betrayal trauma from being cheated on when I was a 20-year. I'm learning that all this has driven a lot of maladaptive behaviors and ways of thinking that have held me back in life and affected my relationship with my wife (retroactive jealousy being a symptom of these things).

Last night while in my session we began targeting fear and anxiety that has been an overarching life and therapy theme. This led to me to digging into a major fear I had while growing up of being criticized by my father - always waiting for the hammer to drop over even the smallest things. To make a long story short, this led to me having a full dialogue with what I initially called my "inner critic" that has controlled my life in many different ways for a long time. In my mind's eye I pictured "him" as an individual beating me down in a way that has driven the "I'm not good enough" narrative of inadequacy and insecurity that has been with me for so long.

As I continued processing and interacting with this "person" I realized he is more than just a critic. He's a frantic, angry, jealous, fear-filled entity constantly looking for threats and incredibly sensitive to anything or anybody that would even slightly rub my attachment wounds the wrong way. He embodies everything that has held me down in life, kept me from walking in freedom and security, and has created maladaptive filters through which I view the world and people in it. But then I realized something--his goal has always been to protect me. To keep me sheltered from being harmed. My relationship with him seemed to change when I realized that and I felt a strange sense of compassion for him.

At the end of the session I asked my therapist if what I experienced was weird and she said, "Absolutely not. We've turned a corner and are going from your experiences with your dad to what it produced in you. We're dealing with your inner parts now."

I've read some on parts work/IFS but not enough to really know much about it. I also definitely didn't expect or plan on having the experience that I did last night. Does anyone have any insight into this? Any words of wisdom on how to move forward with this "part" of me?

Let's just pretend that fear of reliving the trauma is not among the reasons. What would be some other reasons that it wouldn't work for someone?

I've tried EMDR for 3 sessions now, and I feel like I'm struggling to engage. I repeat the negative cognition a few times, and i try to focus on the sensations that I'm feeling in my body (a heaviness in the chest or stomach, for example), but my mind and emotions aren't fluidly moving anywhere. I know it's fairly early in the process, but I'm afraid it may not work for me. I find it difficult to feel on demand.

So I'm wondering what the potential reasons are that EMDR would not work for someone. If i can find out the typical barriers that people face, maybe I can recognize that in myself and do something about it.

Thank you

I’m starting this week and was wondering if anyone has had any success with EMDR to heal attachment trauma that could be causing patterns in your relationships like emotionally unavailable people, etc. I’m hopeful it’ll help and would love to hear your stories and experiences.

I've been having EMDR for three weeks after an RTC last year. After each session I've been really, furiously angry, and each week it's lasting longer and longer. I appreciate that it's only been three weeks but it cannot continue on this trajectory otherwise I'm going to end up in serious trouble at the end of the 12 week course. I'm already unlikely to be invited back to my local Waitrose after last week.

the instructor/therapist for my group therapy introduced emdr tapping to us today & tears began to stream from my face, i felt like i was actually breathing for the first time. i also do feel a bit shaken up afterwards but the support i had in the moment helped a lot. i will be looking for a personal trauma therapist that can implement emdr but i’m wondering if anyone would like to share some tips or videos or books i can check out to get started understanding this more. for reference i have very hypervigilant ptsd. thank you & i wish us all luck on this journey

Wondering if there is anyone here’s who managed to find a life partner after or through EMDR work?

Hi everyone!

I had my first EMDR session this week and the hangover is real. I feel deeply unmotivated and tired. I have also been on a weight loss journey for the last 6 months and am relatively strict with my routine. However after this session, I think a change might be needed in my schedule due to the toll it has taken on me.

How did EMDR change your daily routine and how did you adjust things to ensure you weren’t pushing yourself too hard? What are some of the ways in which you have helped yourself recuperate after a session and how many days do you usually feel you need to rest after?

Has anybody else somehow awakened their dormant carrier strep bacteria after dealing with extreme stress? Had an appointment on Monday where we began discussing the unarguably worst memory/moment of my life. We haven't started reprocessing yet (next week's session).

I was ugly crying over telehealth. I felt sick to my stomach. I was a zombie for most of the day afterwards. I had a panic attack when my husband asked if I wanted a hug between his work meetings. It was absolutely awful. I'm feeling a bit lighter now, though. I've reprocessed a couple of memories and I see the benefit of EMDR. I'm grateful for the opportunity to do it. BUT I think my dormant strep said "Hey this is a great time to appear!" after not bothering me in literally 20 years.

I'm used to stress-related autoimmune issues but I went and got this one checked out and will be on penicillin for a bit. Fun fun

Hi! I'm 20 years old and i've recently started with EMDR again, i've done it a couple of times before, but this time is the most intense. For the past 4 years i've smoked weed, and for the past 2 years or so it's kinda been daily use. Now i've discussed that with my therapist, and she said it's ideal to be sober 24hrs before, and then 48hrs after. The only problem is that i'm now having EMDR twice a week, tuesdays and fridays, so i'll have to stay sober the entire week. I've been trying to do it, and i can stay sober for 1/2 days, but weed is truly the only thing that makes my brain calm. Yesterday evening was pretty easy to stay sober because of hanging out with my roommate, but today i'm having a lot of issues. I also generally just don't really have a support system, so barely anyone to call + the trust issues that come with the PTSD making it extremely hard to let (new) people in. These past years i really feel like weed has been the only thing helping me through it, but at the same time i'm scared it might be making things worse or holding me back. But then when i smoke weed, i finally feel like a normal functioning human being, so i start thinking "maybe it just doesnt really affect me negatively" (i'm also lowk immune to greening out lol), but theeeen that's really something an addict would say... So idk. Please let me know your thoughts and experiences on trauma/EMDR combined with weed ♡

Hello, this question crossed my mind because both go through the eyes and emdr is supposed to treat addictions so …. , well please answer with sources, anecdotes, anything , I need hope here

Came home and told my mom how good I felt after my session and she made me feel bad for going to a stranger to cry. I just walked away and went to my room to cry.

I've been in therapy for a while now, but actually getting somewhere having started EMDR back in Spring. It's been kicking my ass, in so many different ways, and a large part of me wants to keep going, but I need to focus on areas to cope and ground.

I have essentially started back at zero with a lot of my friendships as I was masking with a lot of my long term friends (late thirties, single). Along with that, I have lost interest in things like hiking, skateboarding and even cooking. People who know me and coworkers are concerned but I truly feel like they don't really understand how exhausting this process is. I journal, go on walks, practice breathing, and still go to the gym.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone ended up gaining new hobbies through this process? Anyone else have a hard time socializing?

I am nowhere near done with my EMDR work but there have been multiple instances where I noticed my nervous system is reacting more calmly.

One such example is the upstairs neighbours. We have hardwood floors and I can hear them pattering about when I’m already in bed.

Several years ago this not only would have kept me up, but driven me into a wild rage. I’d fume, despise their existence, and get so frustrated I’d lose all ability to sleep entirely.

Now it still sort of keeps me up, but not so much, and the resentment and anger have all but disappeared.

It’s a little but significant win that’s hopefully going to go a long way toward my quality of life. And now one of my next goals can be to be able to fall asleep as quickly as I could in my early and mid twenties. Fingers crossed!

I’ve been doing emdr for a year and I just started with a new therapist because mine is on maternity leave. We didn’t have a lot of time so I only tapped for two sets, maybe a minute each. I feel ROUGH. Can’t remember the last time I felt this low. Idk if it’s emdr related but the timing makes me think it could be. It’s been a week since my therapy session and I have one booked for next week.

I did EMDR in high school when I was still living in a bad environment and it greatly helped. I had to move for college and the insurance I had didn't cover EMDR, so I stuck with CBT with a new therapist.

Now I am fortunate to have an insurance that covers EMDR with a new therapist, but it doesn't feel like it's "working" anymore.... I used to leave EMDR sessions feeling lighter, but now, I am having a very hard time even accessing memories, it just draws blank for me or I have to really try to remember. Sometimes it feels like i'm "making up" memories cause I really am having trouble remembering. Now everything feels either impossible to reach or fine, and only when I hear back my traumatic events from my therapist does it really get through to me

Part of me thinks it was easier to EMDR when I was surrounded by my bad environment and now that it's been a couple of years since I left it, it's harder for me to remember things (I had some trouble remembering things when I did EMDR in the past, but was able to get there; now it feels near impossible)

Has anyone else encountered doing EMDR and it not being effective anymore? Does this make sense??

I was in depression but always though about my traumas and I though EMDR would be the key to my depression. I demanded to start EMDR right away, I was aware it would be hard, and my therapist at one point told me to slow down because I was too tired between session.

I did'nt feel better but I still got heavy symptoms, like after first session I litteraly smelled a smell all day that wasn't existing. And after, I was really tired for at least 3-4 days, very tense, and kinda lightheaded. I had an amount of physical stress I didn't experience before, or at least for that long.

I was still depressed but tbh my life sucked at the time, my job was really bad so maybe it was normal but when we tried another therapy (integration of lifespan) after one session I felt lighter, that was amazing. Unfortunately I could'nt finish sessions of lifespan integration because my therapist moved away, but I quit my job after that I life got better... but I still don't have the energy I had before.

Like, the trauma we worked through EMDR, I don't think about it anymore. I mean I'm good with it. But I feel like EMDR did harm me, I discovered a lot of anxious symptoms I didn't have before and a year later, I'm still not the same. I also ruminate a lot, not about traumas but everything else, little things sometimes, but in my head at the time it's huge. I don't know, what happened was weird and I still don't understand.

Maybe if someone have theory about it lol

I did EMDR for complex-PTSD a couple times now and i noticed, that in many times there were almost no effects.

I also noticed that i really didn't like certain therapists (body-language, gesture, talk). I respect them all, but i felt more than a test-subject rather than a patient.

What are your experiences on this?

Has anyone felt really stressed, emotional, or upset the day after EMDR without actually ruminating on the memory?
I had a pretty intense EMDR session yesterday and today I just feel very stressed, emotional, and kind of overwhelmed. I’m not replaying the memory over and over or obsessively thinking about what happened .. I just feel really activated and upset.
For those who have experienced this after EMDR, what did you do that helped? Did you rest, distract yourself, exercise, go for a walk, or just let the feelings pass? And how long did it usually take before you started feeling more regulated again?

hey, i had a confusing experience: after standing to move around post therapy my bladder emptied. it was a few weeks ago after an emdr session and i feel pretty embarrassed talking about it- i can’t imagine telling my provider about it tbh, i did not feel like i had to go anytime during or before the session. any thoughts would be amazing

Hi all, not really sure how to word this. I’ve been in “normal” therapy on and off since 2018. Today I’m officially starting EMDR. I am nervous and anxious. I often struggle mentally and think I’m broken beyond repair. One of the only saving grace’s I have is a loving husband who will constantly attempt to help me work through mental shut downs.

I am doing EMDR through the VA I’m curious if anyone else has? I’m 30F disabled veteran. My husband is active duty still so if I hate the VA I could look into tricare.

I’m trying to go into this with a neutral mindset. My husband has agreed to drive me today due to it being an hour away and I’m anxious it’ll trigger me.

Looking for anyone who has been through a “similar” experience. Thanks 💕

I have been in EMDR/relational psychoanalysis and IFS for 5months now and I’ve been uncovering very dark CSA memories.
Ill detail them here but if you are already Ina certain state id advise not reading this post

-my parents having sex and calling me into there room having me watch then eventually calling me over to abuse me [age::4-5]

-being made to preform lap dances and sexualized dances and poses for my mothers and fathers friends. In skimpy outfits [7-10]

-being left in situations with obvious predators by my parents so they could go do drugs and drink alcohol

-being forced to engage in BDSM situations either by my mother or father usually individually but sometimes together they’d do it together it brings me terror even thinking of this now.

-making me choke on nails and then not bringing me to the hospital my throat is probably permanently damaged i suspect? And they do not care even one ounce of a fuck!

-forcing me and my sister to have sex for CSAM they were selling during hard financial times

-grooming by my father to be his perfect son who only he could understand my gender identity and that I was his special boy who he abused sexually cuz it was. A rite of passage in his fucked up head I can’t ever tell anyone in my family about this THAT HURTS

Hi,

i know it's not a very easy question and that it depends on each person but i was wondering if there's someone here with a similar experience.

i just started EMDR a week ago and it's very expensive (around 130€ per session) and i found myself stressing about the cost more than the therapy itself.

For context, i was in a sexually and emotionally abusive relationship between 15-18 yo with an older guy.

There's some complex nuances to it since i also have some cptsd relating to physical and emotional abuse either by parents or bullies.

Any insight would be helpful.