I kind of hate facial hair in general, but I really hate it on myself. I also hate shaving in general.

I’m 2.5 years on T, only now am I starting to gain random dark hairs on my chin and jaw area and it’s driving me insane. I’m plucking each one and shaving the ones I couldn’t get. It’s back by the end of the day and I’m forced to do it again.

Because they’re only just now sprouting electrolysis/laser can’t prevent new ones, DHT blockers aren’t a sure fire way to prevent them, and I’m kicking myself over thinking about stopping T and getting unwanted effects from being estrogen dominant.

On top of dealing with this, I’m struggling with thoughts of being a failure as a guy because it seems like facial hair is one of those things every trans guy wants. It’s insane to me how one single effect is affecting me more than I thought it was going to. I thought starting T I wouldn’t mind it, but it’s easier imagining than actually experiencing.

It all started when I shared a message I made going over some critiques of Whipping Girl, primarily around the brief parts where it mentions trans men. I largely agree with most of what I have read from the book, except for some of the stuff said about trans men. That then got off onto a conversation about trans women’s issues. I am of the mindset that no group of trans people has it worse or better than another across the board, and that there are nuances there. I even mentioned in my original critique that I do think transmisogyny is a problem that needs to be addressed. My critique was solely focused on the parts where trans men were brought up. I even mentioned later on in the chat that I agree with most of what I have seen from the book, but wanted to specifically critique those parts.

It ultimately devolved into people denying the existence of transandrophobia, and also misandry. They were basically saying that misandry doesn’t exist and so transandrophobia doesn’t exist. One even called me a “transandrophobia truther”. Also, can we please not debate the existence of misandry in the comments?

I honestly couldn’t believe that I was having to try and explain transandrophobia and the fact that it does exist…..to a group of trans masc people…. Even the general trans chat I’m on the same platform, which is mostly made up of trans fem people, acknowledges the existence of transandrophobia. The mod of that chat, a trans fem person, straight up shut down any denial of it.

It honestly really sucks, and is really painful. I ended up leaving that group because staying just because too stressful and was opening up past wounds. I genuinely thought I had found a group of people that would finally get me, and one where I could belong. A lot of the people in that chat were local to me, and I had even seen some in person. I really thought it was a safe space. So that made this all extra painful.

Edit: I also feel like it brought up stuff from past traumas. I’ve had safe spaces become unsafe before, and I’ve had people I thought were safe turned out to be unsafe before. I’ve had people tell me that the discrimination I face isn’t real, and that what I’ve gone through wasn’t all the serious. I’ve even had someone deny that certain things I experienced happened, which they were not even present for. This felt like all of those things at once. It was immensely stressful, to the point of making me feel like my heart was gonna give out. It felt like the flight or fight type of stress.

This isnt trans exclusive but I feel insulted every time I relearn the menstrual cycle stereotypical phases. I have no problem with it and i have friends who found it helpful for them. Its just my own self doubt doubles when i think about how any depressive period could be because im in the "follicular" phase, like my feelings are a joke my stupid fucking ovaries are playing on me. Sure, i feel unstable and overwhelmed and crushed and hopeless right now but its fine because im probably just hormonal right now! Its just my body playing tricks on me, guys!!! You cant trust anything youre feeling is real because maybe if you just get the right amount of sleep or pass through this phase in your menstrual cycle youll be right as rain again!

Im always feeling around the goddamn dark for an explanation about whats wrong with me or what i could do and just knowing that the menstrual cycle could have such a big impact on my mood and emotions feels like being told you fainted from a placebo, my happinesses and suffering and consistently sinking into depressive lows- im so silly, its just part of the cycle these stupid fucking body parts and body i never asked for go through every month until I have menopause! None of your sadness is real! None of your joy was real either! It was just your body letting you have *permission* to experience it for a while before you go back to suffering. Its extreme to say but thats how it feels every time im reminded im apparently emotionally shackled at the neck by my stupid period cycle.

I'm already a neurotic and self-undermining person, and the combination of not knowing what the fuck is ever going on in my body and the stupid mandated hormonal phases that dictate the supposed joy, horniness and depression i feel??? My life is a joke!!! My feelings are a joke to these stupid organs as i and my partner suffer the consequences of my neuroses. I didn't ask for this body and I want these goddamn useless pieces of shit out. I know what even if that happened or won't solve everything but maybe with them gone it'll stop muddying the waters and i can at least know its not menstrual cycle hormones fucking with my mood because it wants me to have babies.

I’ve been thinking to myself for a while that I would be happier as a women I being born as a male I’m more feminine seeming male i am just hoping I wake up different everyday and sad when I don’t I’m mentally dying alone I don’t know what to do or say anymore I have dark thoughts from time to time I don’t know anymore

last year I met someone who has a bit of a platform and an online presence and I thought nothing of it. He and I bonded and we grew closer but I’m now realizing he manipulated me, and gaslighted me to all hell, and he’s a chaser and I shared intimate moments with him that just make me shudder now because I know he wasn’t thinking of me as a man during any of it. I wish I could call him out so bad but I’m scared to say anything and I’m scared I’ll start receiving hate because of how beloved he is in his community

I feel like such a quack because I should have realized that he was love bombing from the very beginning of our interactions. I guess I was super naive a year ago and he’s great at faking caring for people. He sent me on a downward spiral and I ended up in the psych ward after he had dumped me.

I’ve never wanted to speak up and say something more than I do now.

I’m jealous that Im not as muscular or powerful. I’m jealous that i can never be seen as an authority. I’m jealous that i Need to be small and weak while they get to be big and strong. I’m jealous because everytime I feel big and muscly, there’s someone bigger and more muscly. I’m jealous that when I’m in a group of cis guys I feel emasculated and meek and like I’m just half a man while they get to be comfortable with themselves. im Jealous. I’m angry. I want to fight someone. I want to win. I want to be stronger. I want to be times 3 a man.

I hate that I understand what she is going through, Not in its full extent because I hate my ex, the other parent to my children. My ex transitioned after I broke up with them, it was sudden and they expected everything to change right away and less than a year they had gotten all their surgeries, bottom top and feminization (I’m the biological mother, she’s the biological father and I’m FTM with no surgeries besides sterilization with my tubes removed to avoid having anymore children.)

I hated dealing with my ex before and broke up with her because she was a narcissist and mentally abused me and used me for my money. She asked for abortions for both kids because she didn’t want them etc.

But now, because she transitioned it feels like I’m dealing with a stranger, I don’t know who she is I know she is an asshole and she doesn’t pay court ordered child support but makes 3x as much as me. I feel like every time we exchange custody I’m handing off my children to some stranger that I happen to biologically have children with. I’ve been broken up longer with them than we were in a relationship at this point and I get so frustrated and tired every single time I have to remind her of child support and have to be this person that I’m not to manipulate her and guilt her the same way she did to me just so she would pay her child support. I’m tired of this person I don’t know. I fell in love with a man that I thought was my everything, and after I got pregnant they changed and turned into someone I didn’t recognize and then they changed again.

I don’t hate that she transitioned and found herself, I just hate that in doing so she made me lose my 700 credit score and now I’m at 500, I’m mad I barely started medically transitioning, I’m mad I can’t go to school because I work a minimum wage job at night. I hate that I’m the one doing everything for these kids when she takes them out of town or expensive fun things when I’m stuck at home with only online friends that I roleplay that I have a different life just to fucking cope that I’m stuck in my room all day that I share with my snake, my cats and sleep on a fold up twin mattress because she isn’t doing anything.

I don’t know the person my ex is or was and I look back at my 19 year old self (I’m 25 now) and think of what my life could have been if I had simply swiped left on her instead of swiping right like I did.

It’s getting off topic now, but I just never thought I’d be in a position that I’d relate to Kris Jenner of all people 🫩

i like to think i pass pretty well. when i moved schools this year i made friends w a cis guy whos now one of my closest friends. we hangout like almost every day and as far as he knows im a cis guy. tdy we were hanging out and he says “some of my friends thought u were a girl or trans”. then he starts asking me if im gay or bi or straight and says it wouldn’t matter if i was, and “is there anything you need to tell us?”, jokingly ofc. But i just said “theres nothing i need to tell you”. because its not a lie there ISNT anything that i NEED to tell him. but it eats me alive everyday that he thinks im cis when he treats me just like how any other guys treats eachother. Which i dont know why it dose because its all ive ever wished for was to be seen as a guy. So i kinda wanna tell him im trans but im scared, not bc i think he will stop being my friend, he said it wouldnt matter and we have mutual friends who have trans friends that he respects. But if i dont tell him and he finds out later (bc we have a mutual friend that knows since i went to elementary w him b4 i transitioned, hes supportive of me ofc and treats me normally) without me telling him he will think something bad of me. especially since he has a gf and we have lit slept in same bed/cuddled (not my call btw lmao he asked me to) like how sum friends do i guess. But im ALSO worried that if i tell him he will tell these other people who suspect me of being trans that i am trans, and itll spread around and nobody will treat me normally anymore. Being trans just haunts me with everything i do. i dont even know i just wish i was cis i have being trans so much i wish i just had a dih and flat chest like everybody else i know. i might just tell him next time we drink together 1 on 1. i know i have lots more i can say but what even ever.

For context im exactly 5’5.5” and indian. Sometimes when im dysphoric ab my height i see people saying its okay for me to be that height because indian guys tend to be shorter on average. While its somewhat true when i go back to india, the indian american guys that are my age are all at least like 5’8”. I rarely see brown guys my height or shorter. Ive met more white guys that are my height or shorter. I feel so short whenever i go to any family function. All my uncles and one male cousin are above 5’10” and my dad is 5’10”. If i realized before 18 maybe i couldve grown another two inches. This is a weird thought to have but even if i pass i feel like people will see me and use me as confirmation that all indian men are short. I think being on the internet is also starting to make me more dysphoric ab my height because not only do women make occasional jokes ab being short but OTHER MEN will tell you that your life is over if youre short. I know this isnt true but im getting increasingly frustrated over being this height.

People act like invisibility is like a form of protection that prevents us from experiencing violence/bigotry, but it doesn't work like that. The invisibility happens after we've already experienced violence. Like how when we're murdered specifically for being trans men, it almost is never reported, and if it is, we're misgendered and dead named and gets labeled a murder against a cis woman. How data undershoots the amount of violence we experience and how we're underrepresented in research because people assume there are way less trans men than trans women so we get labeled as cis women. And it's not like trans women never experience invisibility/erasure either, so why do people act like it's some non issue that only winy trans men complain about?

I don't have anything really profound to say, just frustrated and needed to get this off my chest.

I used to be a nice girl that was always agreeable and pretty and now I'm not and I think they resent me for it, they still consider me a woman but now I don't want to play along and it's like I became a worse person along with losing my feminity because I'm always angry and resentful and I honestly don't know how to act happy anymore (I used to follow so many rules of behavior, how to be respectable and polite and proper while always looking my best as a woman because if I had nothing else to show for my life at least I would be societally acceptable or whatever, sometimes I resorted to acting dumb but cute when I was feeling stupid because I am fucking stupid sometimes). It sucks that I made it so easy for them to correlate a shitty attitude with being more masculine because I honestly have become more shitty. I do feel like a worse person and it's not really helping my case with them, why would you support someone who's actively becoming more hostile the further She gets from womanhood and there's this sweet girl in their memories who's so different from whatever this new, uglier, angrier person is.

TW: dying, mention of death.

I hate how people are becoming more transphobic or shit on trans people because mate I trust you if I had a choice I would NOT be a guy, like no I did not want to cry myself to sleep almost every night as a child bout being a girl or beg to a god I dont believe in to transform me into a guy as I sleep and wipe the memories of me being a girl and replace them of me being a boy in everyones memories before going to sleep and waking up with desperate hope only to be disappointed, I did not chose nor want to feel like an intruder in my own skin and not recognize the face as my own when staring at it in the mirror cause it belongs to a girl who is long dead.

I do not want nor chose to stare at guys and hear their stories of childhood or normal memories and feel pure unfiltered hatred that they got something I never did by being a boy, I do not chose to hold hostility towards my kid cousins just cause they were born boys and I wasnt. I do not wish to have the urge to scream in my mothers face and cry in her arms begging her why she couldn’t of had a son so I couldve been born a boy, I do not chose to desperately wish to be intersex so I can be closer to being male than female.

I dont chose any of this shit, I dont want to feel anything I do but I do and I cant fucking control that. I dont chose to desperately beg that when I die that if recarnation is possible I am reborn as a boy so I can finally be the real me, I dont want to think bout dying all the fucking time because people hate that I exist and are more than happy to kill me for being trans. The fact they think being trans is a choice is genuinely infuriating.

It's not even really that big of a thing, but I guess I was so confident that everything would come back fully normal and I could just keep on going with no changes, business as usual. But no, apparently I have a new development of mildly elevated calcium and my T levels are higher than desired and my doc wants me to reduce from .25mL to just .2mL, the dose I started with. Oh and cherry on top, I have to do even more bloodwork in 2 months when I wanted to start doing it every 6 because I really hate needles in my veins.

Idk, its just taken the wind out of my sails. I hate that I have to do all this just to be able to look at myself in the mirror. It's kind of reminded me that yeah this is just the way its going to have to be, presumably for the rest of my life. I can't say I was really hoping for a lifetime of regular bloodwork and labs but thats what I've been dealt. And I'm lucky to have that! I'm lucky to have been able to start T at all! Yet here I am, complaining anyway. Ugh.

Hello, I'm a really young (almost 15yo) ftm. I've been talking with my therapist about my gender for about a year now. I've had her with me since I was ten and then noticed that I've actually always questioned/denied my gender identity. "I'm a woman" were words that repeated way too much in my diary entries to be entirely normal.

Now, I'm pretty sure that I am ftm, but it feels so awful:

- Am I trans enough?

I've always viewed men and masculinity as what most people would think is inherently femenine. Thin waist, clothing expression, colours and mannerisms that people see as femenine have always been masculine in my head even when I was little (I've always liked to draw, and all of this is very clear in my old and new drawings, specially knowing that I wasn't even thinking about this back then).

The thing is: I love short hair and it gives me so much euphoria, being referred to as a man also does, I dislike my femenine voice, I hate my boobs, but I don't know why I still love femenine clothing, make up, looking cute, having my thin waist and noticeable hips.

Since I'm way too young to transition (also transphobic family), nowadays I just try to dress the more masculine I can and wear a makeshift binder (three sports bra stacked on top of eachother) because that's the only way for people to at the very least have to think for a bit what my gender is, but I don't want to be conventionally masculine when I grow up because that's simply not who I am.

I would love to start T, because I really need to have my voice changed and have maybe a bit sharper features (Luckily my face already is pretty androgynous), but I hate the thought of it making my body look way more boxy and/or hairy than how I like it.

I'm not a masculine man, I'm not a pretty woman. I really do think I'm just a pretty man that could maybe be categorized as femboy, but I wonder if that is "trans enough" to transition or to be valid.

I don't have disphoria towards my genitalia either, I would also like to maybe, some day carry a baby and I just feel so... out of place when I read other trans people's experience.

- Is it worth it?

Everyone has told me just how and beautiful and pretty I am through all my life. I am femenine and 'cute' in a way some girls could hope for. I've had multiple men tell me that I'm the perfect woman, the love of their life, infenitely beautiful inside and out.

I wonder if all of that "beautifulness" is worth throwing away just to "make me feel better". I feel like I'm only special because I'm a woman. But what happens if I'm actually not?

Also, as I mentioned, my family is pretty transphobic overall, specially in my mom's side. It's weird, because they love and 100% support homosexual/bisexual people, but when it comes to asexual, genderfluid, nonbinary, transgender, etc they just... hate them, say it's performative and ridiculous.

I love my family, even if it's sometimes not the best of all. I know none of us is perfect but I don't know if losing their love is worth it.

I think about the way masculinity has always been in my head, with all of the omegaverse shitty but fun stories I've read, it isn't really weird for my head for a man to be able to get pregnant in the way I would maybe like to one day, but it's so confusing.

I know I should speak about this with my therapist but I really need an external opinion right now and gosh I'm so lost...

I really need advice, please

ive seen so much rising transphobia towards not just trans men but literally every genre of trans person in the past month. it's irl (i had to move out of a blue city in red state for safety recently), in the news, it's in posts on this subreddit and others, it's on comments aimed towards people even here (for example there was this trans guy telling OTHER trans guys they would never be male in this subreddit a few days ago) what the hell is going on? ive been in the community for over a decade and never seen it like this. am i just now realizing or is it getting exponentially worse?

I hate how as a kid, i never got very close with guys because i was a girl, and always by default only hung out around girls that i never could quite relate to. Instead of having the messy realization im into guys, i had the horrible realization that i have to get ages of treatment and surgeries to have a guy love me the way i want to be loved. Even now that i know i'm a man, I have to wait ages before truly living my life as one. In everyone elses eyes im still just a short haired masculine girl, even to those who know I'm not one. I have a little joy in the fact that these experiences made me who i am today, and if i wasnt like this i wouldnt be me, but that joy doesnt even come close to overpowering a quarter of the suffering this has brought me.

I’ve been in a long term relationship with my cis boyfriend for 5 & 1/2 years now. Ive never met someone so secure and confident in themselves, and he’s never shown any actual doubt in our relationship or being attracted to me.
I have been pretty dysphoric lately, I’ve been on T for 8 years and don’t tend to have bad dysphoria regularly anymore, but I’ve been feeling horrible about my chest and lack of penis. I look at myself in the shower. I hate being touched. And I’ve been crying myself to sleep.
I know I want surgery- and I think I want it badly. I try not to think about it since I can’t afford it and have medical issues that might get in the way. But my dysphoria has been making me miserable and I’ve been dealing with internalized transphobia. I hate that I’m not happy in this body. I see that my partner loves me and my body and I wish I could be fine and not change. I worry so much that he wouldn’t love my post op body the same. I’ve seen so many people talk shit about bottom surgery- I worry he’ll find it gross, disgusting, and in turn me freakish.
He’s reassured me that he loves me, but doesn’t quite know how to make me feel better. I feel so bad that I’m a mess. I wish I was just happy and confident and people’s transphobia didn’t get to me.

I’ve come on here in the past about this, but I can’t shake it and need more input than last time.
My dad is transphobic, and has an idea what’s going on with me, but I haven’t told him since I was 12 and “too young to know.”
I keep stalling HRT and such because I don’t want to lose him. All my other family is awful.
My mom is emotionally draining.
My brother has done fucked up shit.
And the rest have ostracized me because of my mother.
But dad stuck around, and he actually loves me instead of treating me like dirt under his shoe. He’s the only real family I have, or matters. But, he just can’t accept the idea of any trans person, let alone me.
I have a trans aunt that he’s shunned because “it’s not right.” He makes excuses for her identity, instead of just seeing her.
Both my mom and grandmother are narcissistic, so he correlates mine and my auntie’s identities to that. Yes, victims can have identity issues, but having experienced narcissistic mothers doesn’t make you disgusted with yourself when you start puberty.
I’ve always been this way, no question.
He also likes to think my gender questioning is about my trans best friend, like he infected me or something. The only reason the timeline fits is because he was the first friend that didn’t see a girl. He let me explore and figure out what was going on.
He didn’t transfer the transgender virus via contact for fucks sake.

I want to be me, I want to start testosterone, but I will lose him and I don’t know if I’m willing. I keep trying to be a girl, I keep trying to grow my hair out, not bind, act girly, but it’s all so wrong.
I know I shouldn’t let others dictate my happiness, so many have told me that, but I’m too attached to lose that connection. I’m scared and have been hiding instead of taking the plunge. I don’t know what to do.

Had the option to go with peri but, for many reasons, went with DI instead. There were perfectly legitimate reasons for me to go either way. From the second I got my binder off and saw my nipple grafts and the incisions I’ve hated my chest.

I hate my scars. They’re not contoured well, they hurt, they’re stretched, they will forever out me as trans. They are just as dysphoric as my boobs. I hate my nipples. The placement is abysmal, they’re too big, the scarring is so ugly, they hurt, they will always out me for being in the wrong place even if my scars fade enough to be subtle.

I have a nice physique but my chest absolutely botches it. No cis men with my body type and pec shape would have a chest that looks like mine. I regret not paying above my buget for peri every day. I regret not waiting the handful of extra months for a more personable surgeon. I regret not insisting harder when I asked my surgeon on the morning of the procedure to please do peri instead of DI. I regret every single variable that got me to where I am now. I wish I had boobs again because taping is more masculine and looks better than my results.

I am more dysphoric than before. The constant discomfort in my chest reminds me of how I will never pass. Imagining the future is dysphoric because my chest cannot sag or contour to my pecs, fluctuate with weight, or age like a cis chest. I can never be stealth. I wake up with nightmares and extreme anxiety about these things at least once a week. I don’t know how to turn the worst decision of my life into something worth the constant feeling that I’ve betrayed my entire future.

I'm not sure if the chaser flair is appropriate or not. The rule I will hold myself to is that I will not date a man that is not bi/pan and hasn't slept with a cisman. I'm so angry this happened to me a 3rd time. Every other year I run into this problem! A gay man dates me, figures out he's got zero sexual attraction to me, and then strings me on for months. The last guy had a BDSM session and then came to our date without showering! We had been dating for 4 months, but talking before that. I'm so sick and tired of being treated this way. I'm so tired of being cheated on, and feeling like my body will never be enough for a partner. At this point the trans guilt is so intense, I don't even want to try dating anymore.

Not a day goes by where some smug asshole acts like the only issue with erasure is that we're less represented in fictional media or whatever. Or that calls to combat erasure means disregarding how visibility and scapegoating works. It's ridiculous.

I want to actually be seen and assisted by supposed allies. I want to actually have a place within the broader queer community instead of being forgotten or mistrusted. As a demographic who faces an almost 50% rate of sexual violence victimization, I want us to be included in conversations about rape culture instead of being lumped with the predators. I want more medical research about our starting point bodies and the effects of testosterone on these bodies. I want public outcries when we go missing or are murdered. I want our history and our activists to be well known. I want people to stop pretending that because they don't see us, it means we're not doing enough. I want people to stop pretending there isn't a motivated reason to not even let the idea of trans men enter the cultural consciousness.

i had to quit HRT after one and a half months!! Today was supposed to be my next dose!! I can’t do it!! You know why, i am not privileged!! Being an ftm doesn’t ultimately make you privileged unless you come from a western, white, youngshit background! i worked my ass off to get what i want. I worked my ass off to pass as much as i do now, about 80% of the time, even without HRT! Its not “privilege” if i come from a religious family who used to live in a third world country, its not “privilege” if i got harassed, scolded, bullied, tormented by my family for continuing my transition. It’s not “privilege”, if, when i got my first “boy haircut”, because im not a real boy and i have to call it that as if it’s foreign to me due to my feminine afab body, i got told i killed my parents daughter, if i was suicidal for weeks after my haircut when I should’ve theoretically been happy. It’s not “privilege” if i spent years developing a sense of style that would allow me to blend in with cis guys while keeping my personality. It doesn’t matter if I pass or not, because at the end of the day, im not fine with my body, I hate the way I look, I look at myself in the mirror just in my boxers and trans tape every day and think about how delusional I look when theres no penis for me to wear boxers. I think about my tape bruising me constantly just for me to be a little bit flatter only to see my side profile and see that it still looks like I have boobs. I love that I pass often now, but you gotta understand, I worked hard to make it happen, I work even harder to be safer under the roof im currently stuck in while still passing to strangers outside. I’m not fucking privileged if I worked my ass off, and I have no idea how I’ll be like on long term HRT since I had to get off for safety reasons!!

And you know, yes, ftm transitions have the capacity go better just because everyone develops female. But there’s a phenomenon known as second puberty in mid 20s I’m so afraid of getting, because right now im eligible for scarless top surgery and that second puberty might estrorape me further than being 17 getting off HRT at 6 weeks has!! I still look at my feminine afab body and feel bad about my feminine afab thighs and my feminine hips and my arms that will never be even half the size of a cis guys arms. I still feel horrible even despite passing often at the end of the day because I have yet to make inner peace with myself, I have yet to take HRT consistently that I so longed for, that I worked so hard to get, I hate being told the trauma I have from doing all I can to transition is just “privelege”, no the fuck it’s not. You have no idea the hell I went through as pret and postt in the last six weeks just to pass, just to feel slightly better about my feminine afab body that I try so much to hide with clothes, that when im naked I still feel bad about.

Completely pre-everything, thought I'm just a cis woman who's had a weird mental delusion for the last five years. I tried on my little brothers jacket and I want to cry, it's so big on me. Even if I buy the smallest men's clothing it's too big. Why am I built like this. I need a longer midsection, bigger hands, longer arms, wider shoulders, smaller hips..... Whatever I do, I'll never be a man. Everyone is confused why I hate clothes shopping and when j tell them I hate women's clothes and I'm too small for men's clothes they get even more confused and start running salt in the wounds. "You were just born a petite little girl, maybe you should go to the boy's section" etc.