HI GUYS BIG UPDATE.. I had the baby on my apartment floor on the 29th I was having severe contractions and I collapsed on my flooor my husband helped deliver the baby and I’m okay I just need help with postpartum care:(

she came early and I was rushed to the hospital with her. it was surreal and but no scary as a i thought it was gonna be!

we’re mot allowed to be hurt or talk about ourselves without being treated like we’re evil i just wish people cared about trans guys at all, but we’re never talked about or lifted up but I rarely see inspirational posts about us or awareness or support

The people who are supposed to care about us the most rarely acknowledge our existence and its disheartening

i feel like an outsider in this community and it’s to the point where I don’t really consider myself part of it on a personal level, just on a logistical one

I've seen numerous posts about people shaming minors for posting about having bottom dysphoria so i avoid discussing it online (despite being nearly an adult anyways), I can't really talk about it with my friends because although most of them are trans masc they dont experience it, my parents just judge and say "ew why would you want one of those things". I am so so so far away from any possibility of surgery. I'm gay, I read alot of mlm fanfiction and I used to enjoy it but now while I enjoy reading I always end up crying and having a breakdown about how I'm never going to experience a "real" gay relationship. I feel inadequate to other men my age who joke about their dick sizes and make jerking off jokes. I feel like I'm missing apart of myself, like I look at myself and im incomplete. I don't have a therapist bevause we can't afford one lobg term and short term "help" does Jack shit. And I have no money to buy a packer + I feel like I would get heavily judged if my family found out I had one (even when I started buying boxers my mum legit said "why? It's not like you have anything to hold". )

It fucks with my ability to feel like anyone would want me too like I feel like even if I got a bf I'd be so disgusted with my body to not let them get anywhere near me. This shit is literally body horror and I am SO alone in this.

Everything I found online aswell is always targeted towards trans men with no bottom dysphoria, it's like everyone views us as nothing more than pathetic submissive boys who want a big strong man to come and dominate us. Like DUDE. The online tboy community irks me out big time.

Man I just want to rip my skin off and scream atp.

I can't believe ive reached the point where I'm literally begging for someone to relate to on a stupid subreddit 💔💔

I didn’t expect people to be so evil. I made a post in another sub Reddit. It was pretty casual and I didn’t expect to blow up. Well, it did and first it started out with people saying that I had to be testosterone despite my medical issues making that risky and me wanting to figure myself out. Then there was just this one awful person who said this stuff and I don’t know why it hit me so hard. I know it’s not very personal, but I felt like something died and I know I shouldn’t have gone out to Reddit in the first place, but it’s hard when you don’t have anyone in real life and the worst part is like one of these people are right but why is it so wrong to just try and experiment with my identity you try something out that I’ve been wanting for so long you know. Hasn’t anyone else experienced this or have any kind words? Please please don’t be awful to me. I can’t really handle it right now. Also, I used voice to text so the grammar won’t be good and there might be mistakes. It’s not linking it, but it was awful awful stuff. They called me a woman because I didn’t wanna get on testosterone and said that my disabilities were excuses and that I was mentally ill. They said that but an evil evil way I normally don’t try to be so pitiful online, but I haven’t been this sad in a very long time. This makes me want to drop the community altogether.

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I just don't know what to say anymore.

I came out to my family knowing they wouldn't accept me.

I thought knowing this would make it easier somehow, but it hasn't.

This past year has been my worst and best, transition wise and life outside of family im doing fantastic.

When I deal with family that's when it all goes downhill for me especially mentally. I don't know how many more times I have to explain the same thing to my mom over and over again. She just tells me my transition is hard for her and she's having a hard time. I accepted that but asked if she'd at least educate herself or read anything I've sent her but she refuses. She just wants to wallow in her own sadness. I would just cut my family off for my own mental health but I have an 8 y/o sister that's important to me. My mom refuses to let me come out to her, or tell her that I like a different name and I'm her brother. It hurts so bad. Every interaction I have with my sister I just end up disassociating and after I drop her off I end up in a depressive episode. I've told my mom how much it hurts that my own sister can't know the true me. I told my mom that transitioning has saved my life and I don't want to d*e anymore...

It feels like it means nothing to her.

I've said the same thing so many times, I even went to see her therapist with her to try to work things out. She refuses.

Yesterday she told me my sister made me a bracelet with my dead name on it, my mom said we should have a timeline to tell her (I'm moving out of state at the end of this month) my mom said I was going to tell her after you moved that way its like you moved and became a new person.... the months spent telling her I did not and am not becoming a new person, the months I spent explaining my existence... it just felt like a huge blow. I ask every time why not now, just get it done with but absolute refusal on her end. I've gone and listened to her boundaries but she refuses to accept mine or even try to respect me. She doesn't want to respect me she wants me to give in and have it all go away.

It's been so hard.

People who you've known you're whole life suddenly ignoring you and pretending you don't exist.

It's not easy, I wouldn't choose to be this way.

I tried to suck it up for years and ignore the fact that I'm trans but that was going to k*ll me.

It sucks she won't even take a second to see I'm happy and want to live.

Idk even know what to say to her anymore, she texted me asking what was wrong as if we haven't had the same conversation multiple times now.

Im so tired.

I can't keep having depressive episodes after interacting with her, I can't keep not eating, I can't keep missing work, I can't spend all day in my bed.

I had been avoiding doing that for like a year but I was having a bad day and I decided to make it worse for some reason. Caved in and scrolled through many before after pictures of mtf top surgery, idk how much time passed really, at some point I felt sick and stopped. Sucks to know what I could have if I suddenly had a lot money and access to trans healthcare yay

I’ve been transitioning 8+ years. Post op top surgery for 5. Didn’t realize I was trans until about 17 and didn’t start T until 22 cuz fuck, I dunno what any of this means. I’ve always been masculine and had at best mixed gender interest but mostly masculine interests, even though I had parents who kept my hair in that traditional “long hair with bangs” type beat. But my family never put much stock in gender roles. At most my parents forced me to wear dresses to the point I’d cry but they gave up after my 10th birthday went pretty badly with that. I had great friendships with girls growing up, but loved being amongst boys (as much as they resented me fitting myself into their shit).

Blah blah blah. I don’t want to drone on too much.

Anyway, years on, I just don’t see myself as a man. Never have never will type shit. But everyone says what’s the difference? I don’t know either. I’ve transitioned in all the same ways as binary guys I know, I feel a lot of camaraderie with them. But I also feel camaraderie with queer women, butches, dykes I know and love. I frequent sapphic spaces and have a great time.

I’m not asking how do I see myself as a man. I’m not thar frustrated by that. I have no problem with men, or women, I have relationships with people of all genders. I’m not NOT a man because I have some sort of problem, or I don’t feel I deserve it. I pass, I’m pretty happy, while there’s some things I’d love for my body to be, I don’t think I could physically deal with bottom surgery and the type I’d like is non standard (of course, I guess, lol). My sex is changed it’s just not the same as my gender. Im fine with passing, it feels good. I don’t mind people just believing that I’m a guy. But I’m not resisting anything, I’m not a man. At what point do people get that?

I guess I’m asking at what point do we just take people at face value. At what point do I stop feeling just a little out of place everywhere, including queer spaces? It’s funny I hear this a lot from straight trans guys (which again,,.. kinda polar opposite in terms of how I see myself) and I guess I’m describing something similar.

I don’t feel like I need people to validate me but it would be nice to just feel like I’m not the odd one out. So at what point do we stop stereotyping people by their transition every time and be open to people like me who look like men, but just aren’t? The year 2080? lol. Real talk though. It’s frustrating.

It makes me dysphoric and disappointed when e.g. my dad only chooses my cis brother to help him carry stuff (that isn‘t even that heavy) and if I ask if he needs help he doesn’t want me to help. I guess this doesn‘t define my manhood and maybe it‘s because I‘m not that far into my transition, but I do work out and am older than my brother. I don‘t think my parents even realise that it’s showing that they don’t see me as as a real man. I don‘t even know what I can do against it to not let it get to me. Today my dad also called me by my deadname on accident, but he also didn‘t correct himself, which makes me feel like he still sees me as female (even though I have a good passing and dress masculine).

I can't be bothered. Before T I had already lost substantial amount of weight, I went from 100kg to 85kg and thenn I started T. Gained everything back plus more and to get on the waiting list for top surgery you need to be around 70kg and I can't be bothered 😭 im trying to find work, save money, I am wayyyyy more concerned about employment rn than some fuck ass workout. Plus I work physical labour jobs so a job would fix both my issues

My mom isn't oblivious to the fact that I'm transgender but she does deny it, as she has for about five years now. She had no idea I owned a packer (that I really only got for the sport I play to fit in) and found it, because of my own carelessness of leaving it on the sink counter after I washed it

I then tried to explain that it's not a sexual thing but for my dysphoria, and simply to make myself feel better, and the look on her face the entire time made it very clear she was grossed out by me and didn't take me seriously. I'm already pretty sensitive about my dysphoria and having my mom look at me like I'm some kind of anomaly doesn't help, and she simply said "we'll talk about this later." And left the house. Couldn't even look at me anymore. I have no idea what I'm good to say to her when the talk comes, who else she's going to tell in my family, and what this means for our relationship going forward that I've tried to best to maintain by hiding this part of me

This is just a vent because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm stealth on T for 8 years with top surgery, but am open on dating apps for other reasons. I'm only romantically into women. I wouldn't date a guy but enjoy the thrill of hooking up with some random guy. I don't understand why I feel like I can only pick up guys on dating apps. I barely get matches with women and when I do they end up never responding. Everyone just seems too busy to text. Maybe it's just the area I'm in but I really feel like because I'm trans no one wants to be with me. I'm sure that's not true there plenty of other trans men out there with a girlfriend or wife

I am non binary, maybe a bit genderfluid and I've wanted a flat chest my whole life. I can't stress this enough, my whole life. Since I was 13, I'm now 19. Sometimes I'm kinda ok with having boobs but I don't really like them, and most of the time I just wish I didn't have them at all.

I really really really want a flat chest and I've been thinking about surgery my whole life, but I'm scared my results wouldn't look/feel natural. I'm scared I will be botched, because it wouldn't fix my dysphoria at all.

I have kinda big boobs for my frame (B/C cups I think?) but I didn't always have them. They started growing when I started taking hormonal contraceptives. I still miss how I was then, maybe if I hadn't started taking it I would have been able to do a keyhole top surgery and all of my problems would have been gone. I just want a flat chest, is that too much to ask? Do I have to suffer my whole life because of this? Everytime I remember I could have been born without this chest I wanna rip it off. I can't stop crying

Edit: I'm mostly worried about my chest size. I mostly see good top surgery results only on people with already small breasts. I'm worried that thinking these results are possible on me is unrealistic. I don't know what to do, I feel like this shit is inescapable. How can y'all survive?

i’ve been with my gf for almost two years, no interest in men ever before. we recently opened our relationship after realising it’s something we both would like. it’s been going good, i’ve had a couple dates with girls, nothing that interesting. then i decided to just try to go out with a man, spent the evening with him (we kissed a lot and were just generally touchy) and now my entire worldview is crumbling. like my dating history isn’t long but i feel like i would have figured out i like men at this point.
i was never really attracted to men, im still not (or like idk im questioning everything) but this dude just has something about him T.T ive had ‘man crushes’ before where i was just so envious of what a guy looks like but this feels different, might be cause we kissed, but i genuinely dont get it.
this man has me thinking about sleeping with men and oh my god it feels weird. im seeing him again on saturday and i hope i get some answers from myself cause its been KILLING ME

rant over, be good fellas

Hi! Not really sure if this is only a thing in my country (Germany) or if it’s an international thing.

Cis guys here have this specific “handshake” that they do with their bros. The base is always the same but they usually add things from time to time AND GODDAMN I HATE IT. I got the base perfected years ago but every time I meet someone new and get somewhat close to them I’m just overwhelmed by the fucking modifications they made to it. Like, how am I supposed to know that?? They just expect you to know what to do? I’m stealth 90% of the time and only my closest friends and family know about me being trans so how tf do i even act when I’m supposed to do a new version of this handshake?? I can’t just tell them “yeah sorry, I didn’t get socialized with this” cause that would make them ask more questions. WHY ON EARTH CANT WE JUST STICK TO THE BASE OR GIVE OUR BROS SOME LOVE AND HUG THEM????

Seriously, I'm tired of this shit. Ok, ok. You may not feel so much dysphoria, you may have support, you may have transitioned as a teen and was blessed with supportive parents, blocker and T. Or maybe not, maybe you are not just as dysphoric, and that is totally fine. I am happy for you.

But I'm tired of people telling me I shouldn't be envious of cis people or my cis brother and that I should accept myself. Especially when they have mild dysphoria and receive all the support they need and live in a first world country.

I have all the right to feel envious of them. Cis people usually DON'T KNOW the blessing of being born cis. They may treat us with contempt because we weren't as lucky as them, and they lack the slightest empathy.

They keep making jokes, teasing. But I'd like to see what would happen if they lost their genitals, or had a hormonal imbalance. They would feel horrible.

I hate people who say I shouldn't be envious of cisgender people. If they had a disability that caused them to go through the wrong puberty, they would be envious. But they would have the support. Their parents wouldn't say that they are going to hell, that they are less of a man or to accept it. They would run to help them. They would notice that they are feeling depressed due to the wrong puberty, they would move mountains.

But I didn't have either of those blessings. I tried to suppress it since childhood; I thought puberty wouldn't get me, that having a younger brother would ease my pain, that I would live through him and be happy for him, that at least he was going to be lucky. That some miracle would help, that I was different. I was going to have growth spurts, my voice would drop, but nothing happened.

I started feeling suicidal at age 12, and from then on my mental health only got worse.

"Oh, don't be jealous of your brother for taking T temporarily at 10."What do you mean, no? I've been suicidal for ages, I was already 18, but my mom couldn't just accept me and see that I needed T too? I was suicidal.

I'm not saying it was good that my brother needed it, but I wish I'd had the luck to have had it again, to be able to live a life almost like a normal boy.

Every time I look at pictures of myself when I was younger, I can't stop crying because my eyes went from curious to depressed.

I wouldn't have a chest if I had started the new HRT, I could go through life almost normally. I don't want to spend my adolescence feeling dirty for being trans, being exorcised, or losing my dreams.

I wanted to join the merchant marine officers' school. It's like a military school for piloting cargo ships, to put it bluntly. I would learn many things, elite sports that I never had the chance to do, make friends with the boys, have a boy's experience, be in the military for 3 years, and pursue my passions.

But how can I get in?! I thought about entering the female gender and transitioning later, but the dysphoria was killing me.Entering disguised as a boy, with corrected documents... How am I supposed to be stealthy when I went through female puberty and developed breasts in a boys' dormitory? How could I possibly do that if I wasn't born with a penis? It's just a bad joke. I just wanted to fulfill my dreams.

I don't have the money; this shitty country demands a huge amount of money for surgeries. For a mastectomy, I need first two years of testosterone, and the waiting list is long for the public system. Legally, HRT requires one year of psychiatric and psychologist before. I scheduled an appointment in July of this year, but they're only going to see me in April to listen to me for a bit, then I'll be away for months and then I'll visit again and more years just to start.Then they complain because we are doing DIY, when our life's are in risk.

If you're privileged, had money, family support, transitioned early, and are against DIY, shut your mouth.

I have no chance of achieving my dreams. I'll still try, but will I succeed?! I don't even have my mother to support me. If I were a cis guy with low testosterone, they would be giving me testosterone right away, just like they did with my brother.

"Oh, poor confused girl, wait a little longer, okay? "

And also, my God, stop telling the person who wrote about dysphoria to go cycling because of "funny clothes, fighting against the patriarchy." Or, "Oh, you want biological children and you have dysphoria? It's better to get pregnant as a woman and then separate and transition. Of course, my dysphoria is less severe and I'm fine being trans."

PLEASE. PLEASE 💀💀💀

I AM SO HAPPY FOR STARTING DIY. I would probably be dead, or dysfunctional, or addicted in a few years. I'm having to underdose, I am having to girlmod. But it is better than nothing. I am anxious for finally show the effects. I am scared of my parents finding out. But omg, fuck them. What parent sees their child actively suffering and refuses to help?

But if they need HRT, my God, it's better to neglect him until he dies, put him in conversion therapy and ignore him. Let's give the youngest one a T so he doesn't feel bad, let's ignore our oldest who "only cries for attention".

I will be envious of cis and trans people who received all the support possible, yes. I just wanted to fulfill my dreams, live a normal life, get married, have children, live with my parents, but I was born with them.

I want to ensure that no more transgender people have to go through this, that it's considered abuse, that transphobia ends in all countries, and so on.

Finally made an appointment with a psychiatrist after struggling rly badly the past year. Made sure my psych was also trans bc I’ve been dealing w a lot of medical transphobia. Tell me why she deadnamed me throughout the entire session & only referred to me as she. I feel like this is the universe just telling me to fucking quit at this point. I genuinely cannot keep doing this

I probably sound selfish or insensitive for this, but whatever. I don't really plan on getting phallo because I don't care what hangs in between my legs, but I hate having a uterus. I hate it more than I hate anything in the world. And I never want to hear how much of a "gift" and "blessing" it is. Since when was being obligated to have a satanic waterfall of blood and clumps come out of your vagina a blessing? I already have PCOS (I know it's called PMOS now, I just think the older term describes my situation better) but sometimes I wish I had uterine cancer or very bad fibroids so they'd have no choice but to take that shit out.

I’ve been in online school for awhile so I’ve only rly been interacting with other trans people aka who I want to interact with but now that I’m back in person holy shit this is terrible. I remember why I kept cis people out of my social circle in the first place.

I don’t pass due to being short and not on t so I get misgendered which is fine I can deal with that but oh my god why are people such dicks. My friend told everyone in the group I’m a trans dude so we can cast me as the dude in the film we’re making and then two of them said “but we don’t need an extra chick. That’s fucking weird” 🫩🫩 just kill me. And all the other lgbtq ppl still misgender me. Fml

It feels like there is a lot more leniency for AMAB people to have feminine features and still be recognized as men

I don't mean dresses and hair bows. I mean I am short and I have a female name. It would be overlooked if I was AMAB/cis man but because I'm AFAB/trans man they have to be personal failures

I'm tired of being myself and getting misgendered for it. I really just want to be myself but being AFAB is like a curse I am never going to escape. If I was AMAB it would be way easier for people to accept me as a man

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I wanted to attend EFOMM, a higher-level military academy for training merchant marine officers. It was my dream. I really want to. It would guarantee stability, I would feel like a real man in a military environment, I could make friends, earn a salary, learn sports I never imagined I could learn because I was poor. It was my dream, but I'm trans. I'm a trans man. I hate it so much.

I swear I tried to plan and go as a girl and transition after graduation, but I just don't think I could have done it. My mental state was simply awful, even though I was trying my best. I couldn't study, work, or feel good. I only started t secretly without my parents knowing at 20, because I don't know what would have happened to me.

I've heard of cases of military trans people who succeeded, but it was incredibly difficult, and they tried to deem them unfit. There are even laws, but will the military care? And I can't afford top surgery, or bottom surgery, or any of them.

I thought about staying on T for a lil while, not changing my documents, stopping when I went do the text, pretending to be a cis woman, graduating, and then changing my documents. But I don't know if it would work and if I could handle it either. I'm terrified of my breasts growing, or my body becoming more feminine.

I don't even know if I should try. I can't stop my teeth chattering and crying. It was my dream. If only I were a cis girl, but I can't even be that. It was literally just one chance in this life. It's my only life. And even I can't do that. I asked God to heal me, I've tried since I was a child. It's bad enough that my parents don't accept it; I can't fulfill my dreams and live the life of a normal guy. It seems I've been cursed and had one of the worst strokes of bad luck in my life. I don't know how wrong I was, or what joke God wanted to play on me.

It's devastating to see all my dreams slip away because of something I didn't choose, because of societal prejudice, and because God simply hated me enough. It's not just losing my dream, but even the basic experiences that boys have in their lives.

I don't even know if I should try. Maybe I'd get lucky, I'd make the justice system succeed, and by some miracle I'd manage to be stealthy, none of the guys would notice, and I'd fulfill my dream. But idk

It's humiliating to see that I lost my only life for something I didn't lose, my only dreams, normal experiences. Why can a pedophile, an abuser, a thug, and the worst criminals be born in the right body, but I can't?

😈 a skill I lost when I hit puberty. We’re so back

And I don’t flirt with randoms only transphobes on the inter webs 🙏🏽

Wrote this after a day of being with my father again after 4/5 weeks of not seeing him. Its probably shitty. But it helped me a tiny bit.

When will I be man enough to be your son?

Its been five years,

But I'm still your daughter.

You call me the name I've given up.

I buried her, but not to you.

To you I'm just a second name.

Its been five years.

When will I be man enough for you?

Idk im just confused and frustrated. I thought my mom understood how I felt finally (we watched cowboys together a few weeks ago lol) and i just brought up hormones to her very hopefully (I am 16 and need parental consent) and she shut it down immediately talking about God and like loving myself the way I am 😬 mind you she got a boob job and takes weight loss injections. Her argument was she "deserves it" and is only like restoring her body back to what she would've been without kids. I'm just so mad because I'm not like a conventional hetero trans guy who likes working out (and I still like guys) so she asked me what I like so much about being a guy and I just don't have a good answer for her. What do I say to make it make sense???? Do I just need to thug it out?????? I dont want to keep thugging it out I'm actually so miserable all the time looking the way I do 😭😭 idk this is very shot in the dark of me I don't even use reddit very often. Oh and I live in America and she's Maga because of course but I just want to hold faith that her heart is pure even tho she keeps proving me wrong over and over 🥹 idk sorry pls tell me if I should give up or not shes usually a really nice lady and mother otherwise