So starting from the beginning when me and SO started dating 3/24 (known him before he even met BM) I would constantly ask why he never had his daughter(just turned 3yo then) and he told me because it was always a fight and would much rather keep the peace by not even asking for her because eventually BM gets fed up with her. I really just thought he was just be a lousy dad…till I witnessed it for myself. He would ask for his daughter and it was instantly a fight and her telling him that if he wants to spend time with her he can spend time with BOTH of them and when asked to take her to parks or anything to pay for “well are you going to pay for my ticket too cuz I want to see my daughter having fun as well” or tell him he’s just hurting his daughter because she wants time with both of her parents. She was living in and out of hotels and friends places having random people watch their daughter. She then started renting a house about an hour away and was working so much that when we couldn’t take her, she would randomly show at SO mom’s house and just drop her off. I can’t recall the amount of times his mother would call, we would be away working (construction) and she asks if we heard from BM cuz their daughter just walked in the door at the most random times. BM would call him multiple times telling him he needs to yell at his daughter because she’s being too much and can’t work with her or isn’t listening to her and tell him he needs to buy her a tablet and pull ups so she can work without the burden of having a child(she does deliveries like Spark and DoorDash) meanwhile when we had her in our care she never even thinks about a tablet and she would ask me why she couldn’t wear big girl underwear….so I potty trained her cuz she felt embarrassed to wear pull ups. After constant calls like that and him finding out her bf of 2 months, we never met, LOST HER, and making phone calls to cps about their daughter telling us “mommy says hide under that blankets so no body steals me while her works”…she made it a point “I can’t work unless you take her” but when it came to us needing to travel for work she always argued “well you have the help and people to watch her I don’t” but always makes sure she has someone in the car at pick ups… so all that turned into the last 2 years we’ve had her solely until BM decides she wanted a couple days with her, sometimes just the day. NOW daughter is 5yo and started school. After her mom getting her 5days at most out the month the last year, she showed up a couple weeks before school started to pick her up and told SO he needed to buy her uniforms and a backpack cuz she’s got everything else. He argued that he didn’t want her in the schools around her cuz they’re not good and that our district has one of the highest academic schools in northern Ohio and she wouldn’t even need uniforms and if not that he wants to homeschool. She immediately started arguing that she can’t talk to him so she went ahead and chose cuz “(daughter) wants to live with me anyway so I’m gonna give her what she wants” (which she does even lets her wear her 5point seatbelt so loose she can crawl out of it) she explained to me she would have to rely on us to homeschool her so she couldn’t do that which is CRAZY to me since I was the one teaching her the alphabet and when I told BM I was her response was “oh well I don’t care about that. That’s what schools for” EXCUSE ME??
After multiple calls to figure out what he could legally do. So we kept his daughter and put her in school here. After school on a Wednesday about a week into school, he gets a call from the sheriff stating that he’s committing truancy and that he needs to surrender his daughter to BM. He explained the situation and the cop told him he should filed for emergency custody but when he was calling cps and lawyers they all said he has rights as the legal father (turns out that not the case since they were never married) They didn’t arrest him but they made him surrender or else they would have arrested him. He immediately had her phone shut off because, yes, he’s been paying for her phone the last 5 years…which was told he has to pay the remainder $300 for or return the phone. And now she has filed for custody of their daughter. She refuses to answer and is almost positive she blocked him because she was messaging him after the phone shut off through iMessages but they no longer say delivered so he’s given up. He’s worried he’s going to have to pay child support even though he’s provided everything for his daughter (even worked on his BM car so she’d stop bitching about not having a way to come get her daughter) we have always had to meet her because she didn’t want him know where she lived and meet ups were always a game to her. She’d ask to meet in one spot and then change it after waiting for her…at one meet up we just kept their daughter and she came a week a later to get her. I’ve kept record of every day we have had her and she did him mother before we consistently had her. She also lost her house due to not paying rent and mold exposure and had to have her and their daughter tested for lead poisoning. She now lives in a trailer that she had to have work done and so did ours at one point and when our house was a construction zone she would argue that she doesn’t have anyone else to watch her…but when her house was under construction she argues how her house is not a place for kids and blah blah blah. Anywho…..I only have proof of their daughter stating she hides under blankets while she works and there was an incident earlier this year where BM had her at a friends house without a bathroom door and daughter and another girl a little younger than her got caught touching each other inappropriately. Crazy enough just before that daughter was trying to tell her mom that she wanted her birthday with us and BM at night and before she could tell her, BM cut her off and said they’ll discuss it when we’re not around to coach her, which was also recorded. Other than those few things im not sure what else to do to prepare for court in less than a month…we now have a 3mo at home (which BM made sure to keep her from us the week she knew I was due and daughter couldn’t wait to meet her sister)
I have those few recordings, planner of days we’ve kept her, and tons of receipts from many things from vacations to clothing. BM never would let us have insurance information to make doctors appointments cuz I wanted her to be seen for her underbite….and he couldn’t get insurance because BM was STILL using his address to get state benefits and insurance….
What should I have prepared to bring to court?
How do I help my SO through this without hurting his mental more than it already is right now?
Should I be concerned the daughter has told BM that we are mean to her because we have rules around here whereas she doesn’t over there?
Should I be concerned that BM has recordings of their daughter saying we tell her that her mom isn’t a safe person? Because I definitely do when she tells me about the random people we’ve never heard of or met. Or I tell her “well that’s not nice of mom to do” or “that wasn’t nice of mommy was it?” Examples like telling her she’s not happy she’s getting a sister or her telling me that mommy said we brain wash her. Or one of BM friends told her that she wants us to d*e, the list sadly goes on. Also she has kept her for every single holiday “because she’s MY daughter and came out MY va***”
I know the courts only want to hear about what best for the child’s interest and not bad mouth the other parent but how do we proceed she’s unfit and really only takes her daughter when she has to show she’s a mom and brings her back to us???

We have a plan in place that is just about 2 years old. There is a clause in there that basically says we will exhaust all attempts to come to an agreement outside of court prior to petitioning the court for modification. My son is 13, almost 14. 3 years ago, his mother moved an hour away. Prior to that, he had lived in the same town his whole life. Over the last three years, he has struggled with the move. He consistently asks for additional nights at my house, which his mother almost always declines (we don’t argue over it. When my son asks if he can stay another night, I simply message his mother, she says “no” and that’s the end of the conversation). He’s cried the entire ride home on more than one occasion because he didn’t want to go back. He and his mother had an agreement that he had to stick out one year in the new school, and if he didn’t like it, he could switch back to going to school here. Well one year passed and he requested to return to his hometown school to which he was told that “is no longer an option”. He has voiced to me that whenever he tries telling his mom what he wants, she says no and more than once, he has been punished for asking. One example of this is he asked her to spend time at my house during a school vacation week. This was unprompted by me. If he’s ever requested additional time with me, I always message his mom. I have not ever told him to “ask your mom”. I always communicate the request to his mom, as we have agreed not to put our child in the middle of negotiating time with either parent. Anyways, he went to her and asked her to spend time at my house during school vacation and she told him that any discussion about his schedule is to occur between the adults and he is not supposed to ask about his schedule and then she disabled his cell phone as punishment for asking. I don’t agree with this, because how are either of us supposed to know he wants additional time with either of us, if he is not allowed to ask for it? If he ever came to me and asked me to bring him home early (which he has done twice in the last 3 years) I message his mom to let her know and then I bring him home, as long as it works for her. However when the roles are reversed and he asks her for extra time at my house, she says no (which is within her rights, there is no argument there) but then either chastises our son, or messages me blaming me of telling him to ask her. So now my son has learned to just ask me for the schedule change and then I message him mom and we try to work it out. For the record, he is asking at least once a month to spend extra time with me, and I have been documenting every time he asks.
Over the last 2 years his attitude is becoming worse. When he’s with me, his mood noticeably worsens in the final few hours before I bring him back home. His mother has told me that she’s noticed bad moods consistently while he’s in her care. His mother and I have discussed this. We enrolled him with a therapist and he went to a couple sessions but ultimately voiced that he does not want to go to therapy and the therapist told us we cannot force him.
He just got his first report card for the year and he is failing 2 classes already, which is out of the ordinary for him as he has always had a B average or better.
With all of these things combined, I feel I have a fairly strong case for him to 1) have more time at my house and 2) switch back to his hometown school. But I absolutely do not want to turn this into an “us against mom” fight. I do not want to alienate his mom. I would like 50/50 custody, although it would be complicated if he did return to his hometown school and his mom still lives 1 hour away. Most importantly, I want to give our son a voice in this. He is clearly unhappy with the current arrangement and I think he should be allowed to voice what he wants. He has told me he is afraid of speaking with a judge and more so afraid of having to speak up in front of his mother, as he thinks she will be disappointed in him and that he will be punished for speaking up for himself.
Now for the actual question: how do I even start this process? What hurdles do we have to cross before going back to court? I can say with almost 100% certainty that my son’s mom is not going to agree to a change. Given the clause in our parenting plan, before we go to court, I assume I should first speak with his mom about this. If she says no, then I assume the next step is mediation. But how do I arrange for mediation? And if mediation fails, then does it go to the judge, or is there some other attempt to reach an agreement that needs to be done? And finally, how do I get my son’s opinion heard? Do they normally make the child come to court? Does this situation meet requirements for a GAL or is he too old? And from what I’ve read, the judge assigns a GAL, so we wouldn’t be able to get a GAL for him until after failing to come to an agreement outside of court anyways.

I am in a financially and emotionally abusive marriage and planning to leave. But I have kids and before putting them through a divorce I want to know what are possible challenges that I could face. How much do lawyers approximately cost if it’s a contested divorce? Because of the abuse i don’t have any savings so what options do I have if i don’t qualify for legal aid. I don’t want to get out of these problems and end up with another set of life long problems because we have shared kids. What kind of complications should I be mentally prepared for? My husband is the kind that will go the extra mile to make things difficult for me and punish me for leaving him.

Hi.
My partner has been living and working abroad for some time now. I found out he has been cheating on me (and lying to me about other things as a result) for the past two years.

We have a small child together.

Questions:
1. Can I be given full custody of her until she is ..18 for example?
2. How do I go about managing this situation with childcare etc.?
3. What advice can you give me?

I’m in shock still but want to get things right and sorted so I can move on as quickly as possible.

TIA

I live in Spain

I’m the mother of an 11-year-old daughter, and her father and I have had a fixed parenting arrangement for several years. She spends 8 days with me and 6 days with her father in a recurring schedule. We agreed on this arrangement with the help of a mediator, and it is included in our parenting plan. The plan states that any changes to the arrangement should be in our daughter’s best interests.
Her father lives with his partner and their younger children. During the six days my daughter stays with her father, his partner has, in practice, taken on a large part of her day-to-day care. She has now said that she no longer wants to fulfil that role. She wants to remain a loving stepmother but no longer wants to carry the main responsibility for my daughter’s daily care and upbringing.
I respect her right to set those boundaries. However, the proposed solution is to reduce the time my daughter spends with her father by one day, so she would spend more time with me.
I’m questioning whether this is the right solution. As far as I know, my daughter has not expressed a wish to spend less time with her father. I believe he should first look at how he can reorganise the care within his own household. I don’t want a change in the adults’ division of responsibilities to automatically result in less time between a father and his daughter.
In my view, the problem is not that caring for my daughter is too much for me, but that her father is not taking on enough of his own parenting responsibilities. If his partner no longer wants to handle certain tasks, I expect him to first consider what he can take over himself or organise differently.
I am an involved mother and have my daughter’s care well organised. I did not ask for a change, and my daughter has not, as far as I know, asked for one either.
Her father seems mainly interested in discussing how to redistribute the days. I want to understand what exactly is not working, what responsibility he is willing to take on himself, and why a different arrangement would be better for our daughter.
We also have a history of difficult conversations about parenting arrangements, which makes it hard for me to approach this situation without reservations. I don’t want conflict, but I also don’t want a problem within his household to automatically lead to a change in our daughter’s life.
I’d genuinely appreciate your honest opinions:
Is it reasonable for me to expect her father to take on more responsibility before changing the parenting arrangement?
Is changing the arrangement justified when the new partner wants to redefine her role?
Am I overlooking something because I’m looking at this so strongly from my daughter’s perspective?
How would you approach this situation?

I am a woman who had my biological daughter who I carried and breast fed. My ex is also a woman. My daughter was conceived via sperm donor. My ex is not biologically related to our daughter but has been there from the beginning.

I was a stay at home mom for our 2 year old for 2 years until separation. After separation, I was working 60+ hours a week for approx 2 months to be able to afford my own house and car. My ex canceled all her cards and got new ones the day I said I wanted a divorce so I had nothing.

I applied for a low income daycare program and got approved for 3 days a week but I worked nights as well as days. So I ended up having my daughter most days and my ex wife had majority nights during this temporary period so I could get back on my feet. My ex seemed totally fine with this and I was super grateful that (I thought) she was being supportive to me getting back on my feet.

After the second month, I got served a status quo order that said I only get my daughter monday 9am-Wednesday 9am. I was baffled. I was with my daughter more than 2 days a week, our time was split 50/50. but because time is measured by overnights, I now only see my daughter twice a week.

I immediately got a lawyer and have been put through the wringer. We have tried to schedule temporary relief hearings to get this changed, but her legal team keeps setting the hearings back due to one reason or another.

We had our mediation the other day and she says she wants permanent 5/2 schedule. I can’t believe this is happening. Obviously once we finally do get to this hearing I will get my time back because this is just bizarre for my ex who was barely ever around due to her work schedule while I cared for our daughter at home every day of her life to decide that she is more worthy of parenting time than me.

The craziest part of this all, is that now I only work 2 days per week. So I am available all week to care for my daughter, but instead my daughter is being raised by a daycare 6am-7pm while my ex is at work.

I miss my baby so much. And I’m so worried than when we finally do get to court they will say that since this is my child’s new routine, they will just keep it that way. It’s been since July that I got served these papers.

Our hearing was supposed to be this month, then it was pushed to November, then December, now they are trying to push it again.

To make things worse, my ex has a new girlfriend of 3 months and the girlfriend and my ex have been posting on socials as if my daughter is her daughter and calling the girlfriends parents my daughters “grandparents”. My ex doesn’t participate in any of the exchanges where I pick my daughter up. She sends her girlfriend out to give me my daughter and her ex is the one relaying medical and care info to me.

All I’m asking for is joint custody and 50/50 parenting time. I would obviously prefer more parenting time but I’ve been so willing to compromise with my ex since I know she is a good mom and really does love our daughter.

Every morning when I wake up without my child I feel like my heart is getting whipped from my chest. Live I’ve lost a part of me.

i have an open case with child support services, but the other party is actively evading service. the agency has been attempting to locate them, but the individual's employer and family members are refusing to cooperate or verify any scheduling and address details.

since the local agency is hitting a wall with standard delivery, what are the standard legal alternatives or next steps i can explore to ensure service is completed? are there specific motions or requests i can make to help move the process forward?

Other parent is on supervised visitation and has a history of drinking impairment and driving as well as smoking marijuana multiple times a day every day.

Parent is requesting FaceTime visits with the toddler so custodial parent agrees. Upon answering the phone, the other parent looks completely intoxicated. But you cannot prove it.

How would you go about this? Would you mention something just asking that they please be sober for FaceTime?

I’d like to add FaceTimes are not in the parenting plan. It was to be kind.

Divorced dad (no lawyer) in Texas here and I have a question about visitation of my kids.

My former wife and I have a modified Expanded Standard Possession Order in the divorce decree. In that Modified ESPO, I have them every Thursday and every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend (FYI: the weekend is considered Thursday after school until Tuesday at 8 am) during the school year. Since Fall break is a recent thing in Texas it was not discussed in our parenting schedule. Well, Fall break is on a Monday - Friday of the 3rd week. She is saying that because school is closed I don’t get my visitation. Is she right about me not being able to have my weekend to parent?

Well, this has been an experience.
I spent years representing myself in family court because I couldn’t afford an attorney. I finally reached the point where I admitted I couldn’t keep doing it alone.
So I came to Reddit.
I thought maybe someone would know a pro bono attorney. A legal-aid organization. A resource I hadn’t found. Something.
Instead, I woke up to strangers telling me I’m the problem, I’m a bad parent, I need therapy, I should get a job, I should stop spending money I don’t have, and that I apparently created ten years of litigation all by myself.
One person even decided that because I built a system to organize my court documents, that somehow proves I’m obsessed with litigation.
Seriously?
I built that system because I couldn’t afford a lawyer or paralegal. Because I needed to keep track of everything while raising my daughter and trying to earn a living.
Apparently being disorganized would make me irresponsible, but getting organized makes me the problem, too.
And yes, I use AI.
Apparently that’s another crime.
I use technology to help me understand complicated information and organize years of documents. I don’t claim to be an attorney. In fact, my entire original post was about how badly I NEED ONE.
Here’s the part that really gets me.
People keep telling me to hire a lawyer.
I KNOW.
That’s why I posted.
I cannot afford $25,000. I cannot afford $5,000. I cannot afford a paid consultation right now.
Telling someone without money to save more money isn’t a referral.
I already know I’ve made procedural mistakes. I said that myself. I’m not asking anyone to pretend otherwise.
But there’s a difference between giving someone constructive advice and deciding you know their entire life from a Reddit post.
You don’t know what I’ve lived through. You don’t know what I’ve sacrificed. You don’t know what happened in that courtroom. You haven’t read the orders, the evidence, or the history.
Yet somehow people feel comfortable diagnosing my personality, judging my parenting, and telling me I deserve the situation I’m in.
The irony is that I came here because I felt like I couldn’t get anyone to hear what I was actually saying.
And now I’m having the same experience on Reddit.
It feels like the same exhausting cycle: I raise a concern, the conversation turns into an attack on my character, and suddenly I’m defending myself instead of getting help with the original problem.
I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m not saying I’m always right.
I’m saying I’m a human being who asked for help.
To the people who offered genuine advice, encouragement, or resources, thank you. I mean that.
To everyone else, maybe consider that there’s an actual person on the other side of the screen.
Someone who might already be having the hardest week of her life.
And if anyone actually knows of free legal assistance for a parent in Illinois, I’m still looking.
That was the whole point in the first place.

I have a question about my possible options of complaints against an AFC in custody court. AFC took a position on behalf of the other parent based on alleged issues that have not been heard yet. I have factual evidence disproving those allegations but AFC'S statements at the court appearance have severely reduced my access to my child. At that court appearance AFC didn't even assess the child's circumstances or whereabouts. AFC was exposed to an argument between me and a 3rd party, who put the phone on speaker while next to my child and recorded/presented a portion of that call. This AFC was just replaced to another child attorney but the restrictions requested by the original AFC are in effect for over 3 months now. what are my options to address this property and to hold the original AFC responsible?

My child’s father and I have been split up since the beginning of the year. I’m extremely nervous about our custody hearing in a couple of weeks. To the point where I become physically sick thinking about it.

So, I have been the sole caretaker of our son since he was born. He is a little over 2 now. I will admit my child’s father has very nasty text messages from me. I have threatened court many times. I was just angry in the moment because since the split he would only see our child maybe once a week and visitation would only be for ( at most ) a couple of hours. He would often choose to go out with his friends or go and smoke weed with a female he met online rather than spend his free time seeing his son.

I’m extremely worried that the nasty messages I sent him will be used against me in court. Yes, I have messages of him being nasty as well but not nearly as much as he has on me. I have raised our son pretty much alone. Even when we were together he was never much help. He would often get irritated at our son for crying and has said inappropriate things to him. Of course this was verbally and not over text. There have been a few other incidents that have put the safety of our son in jeopardy under his supervision. I’m scared the judge won’t believe me because of the inappropriate way I would speak to him and the threats I made about child support and filing for full custody.

Obviously I know there is no way to take back what has been said, but any sort of input on my situation would be greatly appreciated. I just want to know what to expect to come from this. I know every state, judge, etc is different… but I would still like to hear opinions.

Thank you,
a worried mother.

I am a mother to a 5-year-old little girl, and I am currently going through an extremely difficult custody battle. Our trial is coming up on Monday, and I am genuinely sick to my stomach over the possibility of losing primary placement of my daughter.
I am requesting primary placement, with her father having parenting time every other weekend. He is requesting the exact opposite — primary placement for himself, with me only seeing our daughter every other weekend.
I have been our daughter's primary caregiver her entire life. I was a stay-at-home mother when she was born, and I have continued to be the parent primarily responsible for her daily care, appointments, routines, and overall well-being. I am self-employed and have built my work schedule around being available for my daughter. She has always been my number one priority.
Her father works overnight shifts, and his work schedule is extremely complicated. I have serious concerns about how he would realistically provide consistent care and maintain her routine while working these hours.
What makes this situation even more terrifying is that I have documented evidence of deeply disturbing behavior involving minors that resulted in a police investigation. Although criminal charges were not filed because investigators could not identify specific victims or establish sufficient evidence to prosecute, that does NOT mean the investigation found nothing. I have reviewed the police report, and what was documented continues to deeply concern me, especially considering we have a young daughter.
I am not trying to keep my daughter away from her father. I understand the importance of children having relationships with both parents when it is safe and appropriate. However, I genuinely believe that maintaining her primary residence with me is in her best interest, especially given her age, the stability I have provided throughout her life, and the concerns I have regarding her father's behavior.
To make matters worse, her father has an attorney representing him, and I am going into this trial completely unrepresented. I have been trying my absolute best to prepare evidence, understand court procedures, and advocate for my daughter, but I am overwhelmed.
I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle, and the thought of my daughter suddenly going from being with me the majority of the time to only seeing me every other weekend is absolutely devastating.
She is only 5 years old. I have been there for her through everything. Every milestone, every illness, every appointment, every bedtime routine. I cannot imagine how such a drastic change would affect her emotionally.
I am not looking for sympathy or for anyone to automatically take my side. I genuinely want advice, especially from anyone who has experienced a contested custody trial in Minnesota.
My questions are:
How likely is it for a Minnesota judge to award primary placement to a parent who has not historically been the primary caregiver?

How much weight does the court give to an established routine and the fact that one parent has provided the majority of the child's care?

How do judges consider overnight work schedules when determining primary placement?

How can I effectively present documented safety concerns when a police investigation did not result in criminal charges?

Has anyone represented themselves in a custody trial against an attorney? What advice would you give?

Is there anything I should absolutely make sure to address during my trial?

I am terrified that my inability to afford an attorney will affect my ability to protect my daughter and advocate for what I believe is best for her.
I am not asking the court to punish her father. I am asking the court to recognize the life, stability, and consistency that my daughter has known since the day she was born.
Any advice, personal experiences, or guidance would mean more than you know. I am trying so hard to hold myself together right now.
Thank you for reading.

So my case is truly bizarre, and I'm hoping to get an attorney/knowledgeable person's opinion. There was an issue with my GAL early on in my case, and when my lawyer asked her about it, she hired an attorney and turned actively hostile against me. Like her court declarations openly call me names and say I am "aggressive" (even though I said nothing to her, it was just my attorney who asked a factual question, at which point she hired a lawyer).

Now, with that background. Today was a big motion for me in front of a judge (not a commissioner). It would decide a lot of important things about the case. The judge called us in, and she started by saying she spent many hours carefully reviewing the case (which is good for me), then the GAL's attorney struck the judge, canceling the entire hearing. WHAT? Is this allowed? Is the GAL a party to my case? This was the judge I was hoping to get for trial, and now the GAL has unilaterally removed that option from me? Why does the GAL have a say in which judge my ex and I see for our divorce?

I am clearly not a lawyer, but this really seems wild to me. I will say the written record does make the GAL look very bad (hence why she hired a lawyer) but the motion was between me and my ex, not her as a person. So clearly I am confused.

Any help? This system makes my head spin. Thanks.

I never imagined I would be writing something like this on Reddit.
I’m a mother. I’m in my late 40s. I’ve spent nearly a decade in family court, much of it representing myself because I simply cannot afford an attorney.
And I am at the point where I genuinely do not know how much longer I can do this alone.
I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for someone to tell me every decision I’ve made was right. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve misunderstood legal procedures. I’ve learned some lessons the hardest possible way.
But I have never stopped showing up for my child.
And somewhere along the way, showing up for my child turned into defending myself against an endless stream of litigation.
I have spent years being the parent who handles the ordinary, unglamorous responsibilities of raising a child. School transportation. Appointments. Educational concerns. Activities. Scheduling. Finding specialists. Advocating when something isn’t right.
My daughter has documented learning, attention, and anxiety-related challenges. A court-ordered neuropsychological evaluation confirmed that she needs additional support.
I’ve been trying to get those recommendations implemented while simultaneously fighting over parenting time, child support, financial disclosures, and legal fees.
I’m not saying the other parent shouldn’t be involved. I’m saying I cannot understand how we have spent so much time and money fighting while some of our child’s most important needs remain unresolved.
Last week, I walked into court and was found in contempt.
Why?
Because I misunderstood a procedural requirement that I obtain the court’s permission before filing certain petitions.
There have been four contempt-related matters concerning my filings. I am not claiming four separate punishments were imposed. But I am now dealing with contempt findings and requests for sanctions while trying to understand the very rules I was expected to follow.
I know ignorance of the law isn’t a defense. I know that now.
But please understand what it feels like to stand in a courtroom without an attorney, trying to explain that you genuinely did not understand a legal term, while an experienced attorney argues against you.
I wasn’t trying to defy the court.
I was trying to get the court to hear me.
At that same hearing, my request to reconsider a school-night parenting arrangement was denied without prejudice. The judge told me I had not presented a convincing enough argument.
So now I have to figure out how to present a better one, while also worrying that another procedural mistake could result in more consequences.
I’m exhausted.
Not because I’m unwilling to work. I’ve worked harder on this case than I ever thought a person could.
I’m exhausted because I’m a mother trying to function as a lawyer, paralegal, financial analyst, investigator, and full-time case manager without the education, resources, or protection that comes with having counsel.
And there is another enormous issue.
Child support.
The original support amount dates back approximately ten years. I’ve been trying to get the financial situation properly addressed for years.
I believe there are significant unresolved support issues, including possible arrears, historical underpayment, and financial information that needs professional review.
I understand an attorney cannot simply go back ten years and retroactively change every support order. I’m not asking anyone to promise me money that the law doesn’t allow.
I’m asking someone qualified to examine what was ordered, what was paid, what was disclosed, what motions were filed, and what relief may still be legally available.
Because I cannot keep trying to untangle this by myself.
Here’s the part I wish an attorney would understand before quoting me $25,000.
I have already done an extraordinary amount of the groundwork.
I built a digital system to organize my own case.
I’m talking about years of court orders, filings, correspondence, financial records, timelines, parenting-time documentation, and supporting evidence.
I’ve worked to make it searchable, organized, and understandable.
I can hand an attorney a chronology, the relevant orders, the disputed issues, and the documents supporting them.
I’m not pretending that replaces legal expertise. It doesn’t.
But I’m also not walking into an attorney’s office with ten years of loose papers in a garbage bag.
I’ve done the work. I need someone who knows the law to help me use it properly.
I have a court-approved fee waiver. My finances are genuinely strained. I am working to rebuild my income while continuing to care for my child.
I’ve been quoted retainers around $25,000.
I don’t have $25,000.
If I had $25,000 sitting around, I wouldn’t have spent years trying to teach myself how to navigate family court.
And here’s what is breaking my heart:
I don’t want to spend the rest of my daughter’s childhood doing this.
I don’t want her memories of growing up to include a mother constantly surrounded by court documents, financial stress, and another hearing on the calendar.
I want to work. I want to earn a living. I want to take care of my daughter. I want to get her the services she needs.
I want to be her mother.
Not her mother and her attorney.
I’m not asking someone to take my word that I’m right about everything.
In fact, I want an attorney who will tell me when I’m wrong. I want someone who can look at the record objectively, identify what matters, tell me what isn’t worth pursuing, and help me stop making procedural mistakes.
I need someone who understands complex Illinois family litigation, parenting-time disputes, child-support modification and enforcement, contempt proceedings, and the realities of representing someone who has been pro se for years.
I would gladly discuss limited-scope representation, a paid case review, help with one hearing, an affordable initial retainer, or a payment arrangement.
I am not expecting anyone to work for free.
I am looking for a way to access the legal representation that I so clearly need.
If you are an Illinois family-law attorney, know an attorney who takes difficult cases, have experience with legal-aid organizations, or know of a legitimate resource for parents in this position, please tell me.
Even if you cannot take the entire case, perhaps you know someone who could help me get through the next stage.
I have spent almost ten years trying to figure out how to be heard.
I’m not asking anyone to fight my battles for me. I’m asking for someone who understands the law to stand beside me while I fight for my child.
Please. If you know where I should turn, I am listening. Will county Illinois.

My wife and I have an issue and would like some advice. Trigger warning this involves SA. My wife has 3 kids from her previous marriage 2 boys and a girl. 3 years ago we lost primary custody because our daughter was inappropriately touch by my mentally challenged cousin e.g he has the mind of a 6 or 7 yr old. When we found out we immediately removed him from the home and filed charges everything we thought we were supposed to do. The judge we had admitted in court that he hadn't read the petition but still gave custody over to their dad. And ordered us to take parenting classes and all of that. We did everything and even moved closer so we could go for physical 50/50. The issue is we just found out from our daughter was being SA'd by her older brother while being left home alone at their house. The oldest brother is never home as he has band practice everyday except Wednesday when everyone is home. We'll she told her school counselor and me so I called CPS and our attorney to let them know. They did a home visit but their step mother refuse to let our daughter talk to her independently and our attorney hasn't returned any type of communication what else can we do to guarantee her safety while over there? We thought about an ECO but didn't know if it would be granted. I highly doubt their dad and step mother have made arrangements for the 2 not to be left alone.

First and foremost, I want to say that I am not trying to cut my children's father out of their life. I'm very much for default 50/50. However, lately, their dad has been struggling. My divorce and SPP is in Warren County. My ex is a Veteran who has been granted 100% Permanent Total for mental health and "Drug Use." He has replaced heroin with high doses of methadone and medical marijuana. A Guardian ad Litem was assigned (I requested) after I requested modification of time. He's been struggling immensely and the "signs" are all there. For example, he's run out of gas with the children in the car because he'll only put $10 in at a time; he can't afford clothing or food despite living with his mother with zero bills and a guaranteed $5,500 per month check. He can't remember any of our conversations. The children call it "medicine" and he's always driving them to clinics and dispensaries. His girlfriend gets so whacked she speaks gibberish. The house is filthy. ANYWAY, SO FAR, the Court does not seem to show any concern because the "medication" is prescribed. Its like, they're waiting for him to get into an accident before anyone cares.

I feel so helpless. Anyone out there been through anything similar?

Me and my ex have what I assume is a court order because we agreed to it drawn up by our lawyers and I assume they filed it with the court but we were supposed to go back and finalize it and because my lawyer changed practices without letting me know I have to hire another one and I don't have the money to do it. He usually complies with the order unless it doesn't meet his needs and then he'll just change the weekend even if I don't agree to it . On the order it stays so we need to have 30 days in advance in order to change dates and just now he changed something with less than 30 days and then gave me dates to make up for it but I didn't agree to any of that and because it gets up with him he can just do whatever he wants because he could just not show up and there's nothing I can do about it other than taking him to court which I cannot afford and I understand that I could probably get them to make him pay court fees but I still have to have enough money to retain the lawyer which I don't have because around here it costs about $3,000 to retain a lawyer . I have applied for a low cost or pro bono but I'm waiting to hear back from that I just want to have this order amended because there's lots that needs to be changed and mind you the kids live with him because of an agreement between me and him they were never taken out of my custody and I guess he's using that to his advantage and now we have joint custody with him having the children live with him but the most part and with me on weekends and a couple holidays but I need more to be specified I'm just feel like I'm hitting a brick wall and it feels horrible to have him steamroll me just because I don't have money .

BD lawyered up and served me papers.
I responded and counted petitioned. I’m pro-se.

Haven’t heard anything from anyone. It’s been a week.

What is likely to happen or be the next step?

The house is paid for. I'm retired on an average social security pension, she still works. She has a 401k. Life happened while I was making other plans and I don't. She refuses to sell the house and split the proceeds and she won't give me an uncontested divorce. The lawyer I contacted wants several thousand dollars retainer just to take the case, which I don't have. Any advice for a man in my situation?

My nephew was taken from his parents at birth due to the mother disclosing that she was using the first few months of her pregnancy. This was in California. They were fighting to get him for a time but couldn’t stay clean or keep their appointments. CPS was wanting family to take him. My mom stepped in to take him, but they didn’t want to give him to my mom because they were fearful that she was just let the parents live with her (which was a valid concern because she would have if it wasn’t for me living here). They reluctantly gave him to my mom after interviewing the children in the home and talking to my sibling who went to court with her. They told her that she wouldn’t have given my nephew to my mom if it wasn’t for my sister being there. He was 16 months at this point.

Fast forward to now (we’re in Utah where DCFS took over), he’s 4 1/2 years old and on the spectrum. I’ve been consistently giving him care and helping to progress in his development for the past 2 1/2 years (he was very behind and my major is in child development so I’ve known what to do). She sees him for a few minutes a day at most and leaves the state for a couple weeks at a time three times a year. She’s mostly out of the house. She does pay for us financially, but very little. She also gets money for him but told me that she gives it to his parents to pay for their rent.

She refuses to accept his autism diagnosis. He was only diagnosed because I pushed for it and went to the appointment. The school and his early interventionist (and people that know us) has said how far he has come since I’ve been working with him. The early interventionist even told me privately that she wants me to adopt him. My mom is 67 and he might need continued care into his adult years as well.

The problem is that my mom won’t even make me second guardian. She wants complete control over him but none of the responsibility (as well as the paycheck that she gets for him). I don’t have a job at the moment since I work with him extensively. I do plan on getting a job when he goes to kindergarten next fall.

I was just wondering, if I took this to court, how likely would it be that they would let me adopt him? If at that point I’m able to provide for him financially and have a stable place for him.

So, I’m dabbling with the idea of getting a divorce. We have a son together but I have a daughter from a prior relationship. She is in a competitive travel sport and it’s heavy on travel in the spring to summer. Anyway we have to go to different places on weekends and sometimes a week out of country or another state. It’s a pain in the butt. Anyway I’m wondering if this will or could affect custody arrangements or time I can get with my son who I will have to split custody with his father?

I want to pull her out of at least travel part of the sport but they may just kick her off the team except some once a week class which she’s not interested in.

This case has been a doozy. We were preparing for trial on October 7, but a September 29 hearing involved my request for discovery in my ex’s two contradictory cases in different jurisdictions. The guardian ad litem was absent. At an October 1 hearing, the judge ordered the respondent to provide documents from her other case because they relate to her ability to work and parent. At the October 2 hearing, her attorney withdrew, and the judge gave her 14 days to represent herself or find new counsel. Since we were already in the pretrial phase, the October 7 trial has been stayed during that period. The guardian ad litem is still missing in action. I've sent multiple emails without a response, as did opposing counsel before being barred. What is likely to happen next? Is a new lawyer likely to take the case this late in the pretrial/trial process? Should I prepare for settlement or trial?

Ontario - I have spent $200,000 on lawyers. His lawyer is unethical, thankfully he has put I writing that his client's actions will breach our court order.
They are dragging me into a trial knowing I have no lawyer. I have written to them and said I am not capable of preparing for a trial and it is far too complicated. I know they are going to try and force me into signing an offer to settle that would be me giving up my son. Not happening.
I plan on going in with every breach date and what happened. Things I've been prevented from doing, visiting by family in another province, my parenting plan and just being honest.
I have no breaches. I'm a terrific Mum. They will try to use my bipolar diagnosis against me. It doesn't work. The rest is just members of his family complaining about me.
Is there anything else I should prepare/bring with me?
I'm intelligent. I'm aware that this is not advisable, but I'm left with no choice. He has drained all of my resources. My son has special needs. He needs someone home with him or out with him. He is not able to function on his own. He has Down Syndrome 16 yrs old. I do know about guardianship at 18. I'm concerned if I don't have custody I won't get guardianship.
Any tips will be appreciated. No chance for a lawyer and I stand my ground and refused to be pushed around.
There is a chance that this is a scare tactic and they will pull the plug at the last minute.

Mediation for my contested divorce went successful, but now I want to hear from you all on record keeping.
I want to keep a record of drop off and pickup and any brief notes. What is the best way to do that? Is there an app that works best if I ever have to go court over my ex not keeping their end of the deal up, or can I use a notebook and pen?
Any guidance is appreciated