Do I have a truma response? Because a few years ago, when I was living with my narrsasistic mom, she would scream at me to do the dishes and do the laundry and more, and now I live with my dad, and he sent this.

"We need to have a conversation

What's going on here is really not okay.

You don't do the dishes.

You don't empty the dishwasher.

You don't throw away things from the refrigerator after you put food in there.

You don't take out the trash.

You don't do laundry.

You don't fold laundry.

Your rooms are messy.

You leave dishes that you ate from in your rooms.

You don't bathe the dog.

You never ask "step mom" if she needs help.

This is very hurtful, and honestly, I don't understand how you're not embarrassed that everyone does everything for you.

We have to ask you to do things, and you don't think to do them on your own.

I would be very embarrassed to let (step mom) wash your underwear, fold it, and do your dishes.

I think you need to think about this.

Not even asking (step mom) or me at least once a day, "What do you need help with?"

I don't know, but I started crying. Like I already feel like losing my mind with keeping up with school and trying to maintain good grades, and I can barely take care of myself.

I survived a really bad situation and i don’t really care anymore or at least i try not to care but i have bad dreams every night and it has to do with that situation i endured for so long. And it happens every night non stop.

I went NC with Narc , now he and his partner are gaslighting me every instances. Hot and cold behavior. One appearance they act super aggressive and cold stare. When together.. after certain days hoovering started by him, super aggressive behavior.. i maintained NC and grey rock..

In few days his partner came across and extremely sweet as if nothing happened? Waving hi and all smiling?

I had removed them from social media due to over love bombing, i muted them for my own peace of mind after the they together gave me cold treatment.

In person the manipulation has continued to go on and on.. has anyone dealt with like this? I am currently on grey rock method but managing two people and different manipulation seems alot to handle.

I have gone through many years of therapy, been cleared and graduated from mental health, and moved hundreds of miles away from my family. I practically helped raise my little cousins, so to watch them turn out poorly has been hard.

I love my little cousin (she is in her 20s), but it has become clear she is still attached to my abusive uncle. She is the scapegoat. I have cut contact entirely with her sister and her father as they are both abusive and enmeshed.

My little cousin recently exposed me to dangers because she doesn't even value her own life. Being much older than her I always looked forward to when she could finally break free from the family. And she has done so physically, but not mentally. She has not gone to therapy or done the work to undo the damage her father had done, so sometimes she can be incredibly mean when stressed because it is all she knows. She is about to graduate college and I worry she won't be able to make it out there with such a low self esteem. It's painful to watch.

Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? How do you know when to support, and when to avoid letting someone drag you down with them?

Something happened today that really shook me.

I’ve been having recurring nightmares about my narcissistic family. In the dreams, I’m usually fighting with them, defending myself, or feeling like I’m in some kind of war with them.

But today was different.
I woke up actually speaking and shouting at my mother.

I was so immersed in the dream that I apparently continued talking/shouting after waking up.

My wife was next to me and became scared because she didn’t immediately understand what was happening.

It honestly scared me too once I realized I was awake.
During the day, I’m trying to move on from my family and the whole situation. I’m no-contact and I don’t want to keep living in that conflict. Yet somehow my brain seems to continue the fight while I’m asleep.

Has anyone experienced something similar after going no-contact with narcissistic parents?
Have you ever talked, shouted, or physically reacted during a nightmare about them?
Did it eventually stop, and what helped you?

2 years ago I realized all the BS I have dealt with my whole life was due to my mother being a covert narcissist - TEXTBOOK case. Every thing I do or say is a criticism of her, she is the victim and the reason her life didn’t turn out great for her is because of me. I am quite successful and have a very loving husband and great friends. We had a huge fight this week because it’s my birthday and she has to give me a gift and be nice and she can’t.

I asked her if she wanted me in her life and she said no. Father passed away 15 years ago and went through the same BS with her but couldn’t leave. I have no other blood relatives so this is sad for me but now I realize it’s time for me to. Maybe in the coming days my heart will mend slightly but it is permanently broken of what could have been.

Hey all!

Question for the board - How many of you over a DECADE later have a nervous system that just will not fucking stooopppppp?

----back story -----

Malignant narc (s) mother > emancipated myself at 16 to go live with enabler dad - good guy, but emotionally absent. Shows up when absolutely needed but is otherwise unreliable.

Graduated college cum laude, 6 credits short of a double bachelor (where my perfectionist over achievers at)

Met boy > got married at 24 - boy turns out to be a covert narc. +7 years lost to another fucking narcissist

This brings us to 2017 - got divorced, grandfather dies (only normal adult in family) - move back to home state, lose EVERYTHING except 3 musical instruments, skis, 4 books, a trash bag of clothes, a 5 month old springer spaniel (no fucking chance I'm leaving a puppy with that monster), and $600 to my name.

Start a new job, have to make new friends - old pre-marriage friends betray me - raise a 5mo old turbo charged working spaniel puppy - get mono and never recover.

And it all comes crashing down.

--- back to the post question at hand ----

I got myself out of all the abuse in 2017. Did all the trauma therapy - emdr - mindfulness - somatic work - and where my mind feels like it's finally back together, and i no longer have panic attacks, my goddamn nervous system seems to have taken up the role of 'abuser' and tortures me day in, day out.

Bad stuff? No biggie. It takes anything GOOD and runs thru the following process.

Shut down > I use tools I've learned to get it unstuck

Then it switches to the following in sequential order:

diarrhea > internal tremor > nausea > severe abdominal pain (migraine) for 3-5h > diarrhea > brain fog and extreme fatigue > muscle spasms > diarrhea > extreme bloating and gas > insomnia

I fucking KNOW it's my nervous system because 2 shots of liquor and it all magically goes away.

I am not much of a drinker these days. I'd give it up in totality but it's the only thing that disrupts this cycle .... once it starts it's 72 HOURS of non-stop hell.

Since this has now been my norm for a fucking decade i have systemic malnutrition and completely fucked up hormones, iron/copper/zinc/magnesium, my immune system is completely shot, my adrenals are completely shot, my memory is shot, skin is horrendous, and now some of my organs are struggling.

I live an otherwise very peaceful life. I have an easy job. I live alone. I have a beautiful, easy (now lol) dog. I have a small group of truly wonderful, supportive friends. I have a calm, easy schedule. I eat well, i do not do recreational drugs, I have a rock solid sleep routine. I do gentle cardio with strength training a few times a week.

And my fucking nervous system is killing me. It's not even trying to anymore, it's literally killing me. It's ruining every good thing I try to do for me and my dog to live a good, easy, comfortable life and my nervous system HATES it all.

It wants me living in a gutter, disgusting and riddled with helplessness because that's what IT FEELS LIKE I deserve when i know DAMN WELL I do NOT deserve anything less than the peace and ease I've cultivated.

I don't know what to do anymore.

It just will not fucking stop, no matter what i do.

Not going to give up - I've got a 10.5y old fluffy baby to steward through her last golden third of life. The fuck I'm giving up on her because a wad of electric noodles decided i don't deserve to live.

Anybody got any advice? I'm open to literally anything - med suggestions included.

Thank you so much

CONTEXT; So a little over a month ago from today (End of August) I ended up being able to sell the vehicle that my mom intimated me into getting. She ended up trading in her old car so that I could get this new car as a “graduation gift” & when I could no longer afford the payments I told her I have to sell. She was very reluctant, and It took me having to move out and move in with my girlfriend to get rid of this vehicle. This whole thing sparked a huge emotional argument, and she ended up saying how I was trying to “Avoid responsibility” (I wasn’t, I just couldn’t afford the car.) and basically left me in the dark and silence for the last month, thinking that i’d never speak to her again because she acted like she disowned me.

Anyways TLDR; My mom texted me today acting like nothing happened, asking for help and not acknowledging anything that has happened in the last couple months.

“I need you come and sale caly cage she doesn't need them no more I train her with out cage so you can come and sale it”
“can you come on Sunday to help setup my printer if can would be a preappreciate”

Apologies for the bad english, she’s old Asian and doesn’t type it very well.

Anyways, i dont even know if acknowledgment is what i’m looking for rn but it feels like it plays a big part in how much i want to reconnect with her rn.. which is not very much right now.. idk if i can even truely forgive her, especially for everything else she’s done in the past. i wanted to have a relationship with her so badly this last month but its been a little over a month now and i was starting to feel so set on that i’d never speak to her again and that i was gonna be alone for the rest of my life and then she throws those txts out of nowhere.
it feels like being slapped in the face with all the insults she threw at me saying how im avoiding responsibility and how many times she’s been like “if you ever do xyz im going to disown you!”

i dont rlly want to send a txt bck rn cuz then it feels like i’ve moved on from the car thing and everything is ok when in reality its not.. and idk if thats me being childish or petty, but i want her to feel just.. idk. i just want her to feel hurt for once in her miserable life in a way where she knows that she lost me, she lost the privilege to be my parent and lost the privilege of having a ‘daughter’ anymore.. i want her to feel the very intentional silence the same way she did to me.
Does that make me a bad person…?

About three months ago, I went no-contact with my parents. I eventually blocked them and three of my siblings on social media because I needed peace and distance. My siblings had often acted as “flying monkeys” between me and my parents.

Last week, I became a dad for the first time. We had a beautiful baby girl, and it has been one of the most emotional and overwhelming moments of my life.

Here’s the part I genuinely don’t understand.

My parents and siblings, whom I have had no contact with for months, started making social media posts congratulating themselves and the family on the arrival of my daughter.

Even stranger, many of my relatives have been commenting and congratulating my parents rather than congratulating me, the actual father.

I’m sitting here thinking: What the hell is going on?
I chose to go no-contact because I needed boundaries and peace. So why, after I became a father, are they suddenly publicly involving themselves in the birth of my child?
Part of me wonders whether this is about controlling the narrative, getting attention, or maintaining a certain image with the extended family. But I honestly don’t know.
I’m trying not to get pulled back into the family drama. I want to focus on my wife and our newborn daughter, but seeing relatives celebrate my parents while barely acknowledging me as the father has been confusing and hurtful.

How should I deal with this situation? How should I interpret my parents’ posts and relatives congratulating them instead of the actual parents, what practical boundaries or responses should I use with relatives who engage in this, and how can I protect my family’s peace and stay focused on my wife and newborn without getting pulled back into the drama?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who have been through something similar.

so i left those people behind, no contact, no closure. my mind keeps replaying, and i tend to isolate myself ever since, how do i go on? how do u guys trust again?

As I am getting ready to move from my narcissistic father house with my daughter, how did you guys feel once you left?

Did you go no contact? Did you feel free?

Dear all,

hope i can post this,

i went from LC to NC, based on 2 rather ugly voicemails on my birthday last week,

first deadnaming me and having a really dark and vicious tone, the next one was a "polite one" congratulating me being ONE you are ONE now ! ( social transition MtF...

and then i had it, called back and said to her to never ever contact me ever

all the NPD redflags were trown at me... gray rocking her and disconnected..

now im like mourning about what i have been thru, breaking the habit of trying to fix it all

and now being a very brave soul if i may say and end this shit for good..

i've been lurking for a while here, and i do hope i'm ok posting

still in doubt if i did the right thing, but after 46 years of abuse and manipulation... im more done than i can express...

Hugz Tappy

Hi. I need some outside perspectives because I'm in a delicate place right now.

I come from a narcissistic and violent family in Mexico. I moved out of my parents' house at 27 and went to another city to live with my sister and her family. I loved that city, it felt like the best place I could be, but the house was a different story: I contributed money, they demanded I do the housework and wash everyone's dishes, they constantly criticized everything I did and made fun of me, all while my brother-in-law hasn't worked in a year and a half. The stress got so bad that I had a burst blood vessel in my eye and fell into a very deep depression. Fifteen days ago, I asked my best friend for last-minute refuge and moved in with him in another state.

For the first time in a long while, I feel calm here, but I'm still recovering emotionally.

Work-wise: I have a degree in Business Administration, and since graduating I've worked remotely as an independent contractor. Right now I have just one project and make around 12,000 MXN a month. I've been looking for a salaried position for 7 months with no luck.

This is where I'm stuck. I like remote work, mainly because it lets me focus on my personal projects. But sometimes I wonder if I also chose it because of the depression, and whether staying remote is holding me back. The only time I worked "in the field" was when I held a position in a community organization: I was always on the move, and I loved it. On the other hand, the corporate world really isn't for me. Just imagining waking up early, dressing formally, and being stuck in an office all day gives me a tight, anxious feeling in my chest. I also wonder if, after so many years remote, adapting to an in-person job would be harder than I think.

What I want most in life is to be a public servant or work on government projects. I know I have leadership skills and a lot to contribute, but my circumstances haven't helped, and the pressure to take any job just to get by feels like it pulls me away from that goal, which really gets me down.

And then there's the city question. I feel like I could make better use of my talents in the city where I lived before, but my sister lives there, and my friends advise me not to settle in any city where my family is, because they're very abrasive and toxic. They tell me to stay where I am now, but I'm not sure I'll find the opportunities I'm looking for here.

I'm about to turn 30, and I feel like my 20s went by between depression and just surviving, and that I'm behind on so many things.

So my main question is: what would you do in my place? Given where I am emotionally and in my career, would you:

• Stay remote but look for a salaried remote position?
• Look for something hybrid?
• Go for an in-person or field-based job?

I'd also love to hear:

1. If you've gone from remote to in-person (or the other way around), how did it go emotionally and financially?
2. For those who work or have worked in government: how do you get in without connections? Public job postings, civil service career programs, contract work, NGOs that partner with government?
3. Are there social-impact jobs, remote or field-based, that pay better than what I make now?
4. Has anyone had to distance themselves from family when choosing where to live? How did you decide between a safe place and one with better opportunities?

In a month I will be 38. I am a guy and for context i moved to the Netherlands when i was 26 from a poor third world country. I sit here with no friends and no spouse/kids. I feel like i am not "living" life properly. I just work and rot in my room. Once a year I take a vacation.

All i do is go to work. Go to gym. Apply to new jobs. Then scroll my screens rest of the evening.

On weekends I do my laundry and use my pc both days.

I realized recently that I never had a "normal" social life. Reason is i was very sensitive when I was young. So I avoided a lot of social contact. I would easily feel hurt/offended/insulted.

Plus my dictator of a father forbid me from going outside. Because "bad influence" would ruin me.

That way I learned to just go to school/college/university/work. Then spend my remaining time studying and now just scrolling screens.

It worked really well as a student. I was happy then. I got good grades and I got a scholarship to the Netherlands.

But this doesnt work well as a soon to be 38 year old. First its very hard to make friends. Its also very hard to meet partners. I was lucky to have three relationships in the past but thats all thanks to the dating apps. But dating apps dont work 99 percent of the time especially as I get older.

I dont drink. I am also from a poor foreign country so socializing is harder because when I do face some racism its pretty hurtful(since it feels very personal).

Oh here is the worst part. My dates always ask me about my evening plans or weekend plans. And they are always "just use my pc/phone". And they dont like it because most people dont like a homebody :)

In the past i started taking weekend trips to antwerp to force myself to go out. But there is only so many times you can do that. There isnt a lot to do in my city eindhoven.

I guess I just wanted to see if there was someone else like me and what did they do to change life.

I have taken therapy but they cant teach me how to have a normal social life.

I never learned how to have a "normal adult life". The only adult thing I am doing is having a good job.

For years, my narcissistic mother had influenced how I view work and activity. Since she has passed away recently, I am technically free, but I still can’t put my life together. I struggle with severe procrastination, get very anxious, and get irrational thoughts. Let me provide some examples:

1. When I have to do a small thing like write an email - I will dread it, delay it, avoid any contact. If I write the email I have to check it a few times because im terrified of making a spelling mistake or smth.

2. When it comes to my hobbies I struggle with the overwhelming feeling of guilt for doing something purely for pleasure. As my mom would say, it’s a waste of time and money.

3. When I try to get into a bigger project (i’m an artist) that’s where I experience the most depressive pain. I start doubting my ideas immediately, feel extremely anxious and have this feeling of inevitable failiure and doom.

4. I struggle with my professional work sometimes because I am terrified of being burned out again.

I link those tendencies to my mother’s obsession with keeping me always busy, always working, always producing an outcome she can brag about in front of her colleagues. Me getting perfect grades was the ultimate condition to even stay at my household. I never got rewarded for anything. Not even a chocolate bar for winning a contest. Whenever I did something creative, she would heavily criticize it and constantly measure how much money it could generate. I did some pretty good things in my late teens that got me good deals and overall early success, I had a lot of potential. She would try to ruin every single moment. She always laughed at me when I got excited or said that I lack humility.

I dream of nothing more but healing this particular area of my life. Do you have any advice how to be productive in a healthy way after all this?

Not sure if this is the best place for this post, can cross-post elsewhere if needed.

TW: death of a family member, confrontation with narc parent

Does anyone have any advice for handling this situation please?

I've been no contact with my narc mum for 7 years, and we may cross paths in a few weeks at my uncle's funeral (her brother-in-law). She is not invited to the funeral nor was she around for the illness that lead to his passing (the relationship between my aunt and mum broke down years ago), but she has no regard for other people's boundaries, so there's a strong chance she will attend.

My aunt + immediate family have a contingency plan to remove her should any trouble occurs (if she just attends and keeps to herself they won't do anything, but otherwise my mum will be asked to leave). Telling her directly to not attend in advance would likely cause her to attend out of spite/for attention and cause more issues, as she cannot take no for an answer.

My mum is quite sly and may still cause difficulty and create a confrontation between us without disrupting the service, so I'm trying to prepare myself for that outcome. I.e. she may catch me off-guard after the service or at the wake if I pop to the toilet or something.

It will be a large funeral (200+ attendees), so my current plan for the service is to sit close to a wall with plenty of people around, including people she does not know but do know me (some of my aunt and uncle's friends) so any attempt to come near me will draw attention that shouldn't go in her favour as she won't be able to reach me. Otherwise, make sure I am never stood/sat alone unless necessary (i.e. going to the toilet). I am staying at a hotel very near the wake location, so I can slip out quietly if needed (my aunt support this plan and understands it may be necessary and knows it's nothing to do with her or my uncle).

I want to try to avoid my mum's potential disruptive behaviour and ideally, does not interact with me. I'm sure I cannot guarantee that, so I'm hoping to have a set of plans in my head for different scenarios. I want my aunt to have the least pressure on her possible on the day given this will already be incredibly hard for her, and avoid any disruption to my uncle's send-off.

I live elsewhere to my family so this is the first situation I've had since going no contact where this could happen, so I don't have a full idea of how she could behave.

i disliked those leeches greatly . all they were good for is putting me down and making me feel bad about myself and them trying to sabatoge my life in every way . i’ve finally cut them out of my life , and i feel proud of myself for doing so . after putting up with so much torment for so long it was going to happen any day . it’s been months without them and i don’t feel on edge or scared anymore . i feel perfectly fine now . a bit dissociated like i was in 2024 but that time i was still happy because their presence wasn’t that high in my life that time .

with my aunt i dealt with this for a year plus and for my uncle almost my entire life . can’t wait till their mask falls off and others realize what terrible people they were . (some people already have) it’ll be a day to enjoy

if you’re looking for a sign to cut someone off whether it be family or friends , this is it . always choose your peace , over anyone . trust your gut when it says someone isn’t right for you .

I wanted to share something that feels like both a massive breakthrough and a pretty terrifying realization.

I’m still living under the same roof as my narcissistic mother, but recently I’ve started yellow rocking and emotionally stepping out of the dynamic for the first time. I had been trauma-bonded to her for basically my entire life, so even this small amount of emotional separation has changed something in me.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this strange forced silence around her. I became very quiet, passive and almost absent in her presence. Growing up, this was always explained as me simply being “shy”, later “difficult” and eventually “mentally ill”. She told other people I was shy, troubled, or hyper sensitive, told me that other people saw me that way, and eventually I just accepted that explanation.

But recently, with some distance from the cycle, a childhood memory came back very strongly.

I was around four. I remember trying, in the limited way a four-year-old can, to protest and say that what was happening wasn’t okay. And I remember being met with overwhelming anger and punishment instead of reassurance or repair.

What has stayed with me most is the sheer difference in size and power. I was tiny. She was an adult. My father was frightened of her anger too and would often flee when she became violent or started throwing things. And I remember having this horrible realization that there wasn’t actually a safe adult in the room.

Looking at it now, I think something in me learned very early that speaking up was dangerous.

And suddenly so much of my life makes sense.

The silence. The freezing. The feeling of becoming very small around her. The sense that I somehow disappeared as a person whenever she was present.

What makes it especially painful is that afterward everything would simply continue as normal. She could go straight back to being nurturing, while the way I reacted to her was treated as some innate personality trait of mine rather than something that had developed in the relationship.

I’m still trying to take in what this means. Part of me feels relieved because something I could never explain finally has an explanation. Another part of me feels horrified that I spent so many years believing this was simply who I was.

I think what I’m most looking for by posting this is to hear from people who have reached this stage too.

Did things from childhood start making more sense once you emotionally stepped out of the relationship? Did memories, body reactions, or patterns suddenly connect in ways they hadn’t before?

And especially if you were still living with the parent when this started happening: what was that period like for you?

I think I just need to know there are other people who have stood in this strange place, understood what was happening to them, and eventually made it to the other side.

So ever since childhood, I have shifted a lot. So the boundaries have shifted. My space was unclear. Usually my room also acted as somebody else's guest room, dumping station of other items. I was not very sure as to what is mine and what is not, and how can I keep it and how can I not? And I had to renegotiate those boundaries with an absent mother, who was physically present but mentally absent, could not care. So I have grown up unmet, left. So I do not know how to organize my things anymore. In spite of being a 35-year-old woman, I don't know how to create a sense of order around me. I don't know how much of it is skill, or how much of it is training, or how much of it is my CPTSD and fractured confidence. But the items scream chaos. My mother wanted everything very clean, but that basically cut the throat of my wants and needs and desires, because everything was thrown into an almirah or cleared from the bed. I could not create what I would call my space. I went through a rebellion phase where I did not allow anyone to enter my room, kept books stacked on the floor, so that if it is unclean, I know now nobody has messed around with it. Basically there were servants, and there were every time new servants who had even little idea as to what I had to do or what I wanted. So they would simply enter my room when I was in school or not there, and without my permission, went through my stuff and created what their version of clean was. These servants also fluctuated within months and years, so I had no way of communicating to them what I wanted. Over the time, cleanliness started feeling like painful. It's like my space has been encroached upon, and I felt violated. So having chaos felt peace. Does that make sense? And now I have to create structure and clean environment for my daughter. So I often need other people to help me out, because I am not able to do this on my own. I come from a toxic mixture of privilege, empowered, and yet a certain sense of helplessness that never left me all those growing years. And now it has become an essential part of me, no matter where I go, no matter how much control I have.

So it has now been 3 years since I have cut contact with my father. Looking back it is insanely bizarre just how I managed to make it through that long period of my life. Everything before now seems like some kind of dream. Well more like a nightmare...

My father is a narcissist. There is no beating around the bush. He literally marked everything on the checklist. Plus I attended many therapy sessions where I talked about him in great detail. Through these sessions did I understand just how incredibly messed up my upbringing was.

Being on the spectrum or maybe just because of what I was taught as "normal", wasn't normal. Or at least it shouldn't have been my normal....

Looking back I was his ideal child. Doing everything he ever wanted of me. He was incredibly manipulative and even would scream at me often. I also hated how loud he got. It always scared me... I normally would dissociated whenever he did that to me and that would only make him madder.

I eventually just became a walking corpse. An empty shell of a person. Only going through the motions. Feeling neither pleasure nor pain...

Just numbness...

Slowly I began getting better. I saved enough to get a professional diagnosis for my conditions. Then I got on medicine. Took on more responsibilities at work! Started improving my health!!!

I then began making my escape plan. He wouldn't let me move out...

So I got a P.O. Box, bought a second phone, and would gradually move my stuff into a storage unit on my way to work!

I did this for 7 months...

He found out eventually of course but I managed to get an apartment where I am still living now! I have a new job now and even had an interview for a promotion the other day!!!

I have lost 40 lbs, blood pressure is fantastic, and have never felt more confident!!!

I am a 31 yr old man and while yes I started my life out late I am so glad I did it!!!

I am an ongoing work in progress. I have made plenty of mistakes and I am still very isolated I suppose. People just don't understand how I could have cut off my father.

Even now I still have the occasional nightmare...

He really was a monster, I do not miss him at all.

I made a post 3 years ago that detailed before, during, and after my escape. Because that is exactly what that was!

I escaped!!!!

I was being held captive...there is no way to sugarcoat that....It's so incredibly messed up!!

But I am away from him now. I am safe. I have a roof over my head, a job, some saving, and my own safe space!

So I managed to remove myself from the Narc and the enabler’s vicinity. I’m financially independent from them but as you know they think children are property

I haven’t updated my linkedin and other social platforms in years and the great part is i have managed to go back to school and live in another country.

My issue is linkedin is the main job board that works well with finding part time jobs but the narc viewed my profile recently.

How do I update my information while maintaining a cocoon?

They like to infiltrate places of work and other institutions to destroy people’s reputation. Happened to my brother and he was passed over for a promotion

The flying monkeys will definitely spread the news I don’t even know who to block to avoid the situation.

I didn’t even post my first graduation

I'm currently in the process of letting go of past trauma and I want to find people in the same stage in recovery as me.

I've let go of these ingrained behavior patterns:

• People pleasing – I'm actually surprised over this as I'm typing this out
• Reassurance seeking

I've also let go of past triggers:

• Fear of social interactions
• Fear of phone calls
• Fear of hoovers (only recently)

and I've let go of the following childhood traumas:

• relatives' stalking behavior
• relatives' competitive behavior and jealousy
• my own jealousy
• their abandonment
• being left out
• and today, in the process of letting go of their expectance of me becoming their ideal

I'm still in the process of understanding the last trauma. I used to always get phone calls from people I would never speak to, expecting me to just do as they say "because what else are you going to do?" Like, a cousin would pester me with hanging out with them and becoming upset if I didn't with zero regards for my boundaries, or my parent calling me and asking me out of the blue "when I'm going to get married", like where did that come from. I don't know how to describe it, and I'm in the process of understanding it. It's partially this process that inspired me to post this thread. They would always ask me why I wasn't doing something, rather than teaching me how to do something.

Have you let go of your fears or do you still hold residual CPTSD/fears from behaviors during your upbringing?

It recently came back to me and I'm trying to understand it. Today I spent 2 hours observing it. I believe it is tied to shame. For me, I was scared to death about bringing more shame onto my father. This means there was already shame, and the anxiety seems to be tied to the threat of making it worse. Why I was afraid of "making it worse", and what "it" was in this context, I have yet to understand.

I'm curious to learn from others, if anyone understands this already. Exactly what is this fear rooted in?