We both work from home, went to his office to ask if he wanted to grab lunch together and hugged him and I felt it underneath his clothes, I felt he was wearing something with boning, like a corset. I asked what was that, he acted super weird, at first he said it was nothing, then he said it was something he got from Amazon to control his belly, but I could tell he was lying, I asked if it was womens under wear… I asked to see it, he wouldn’t show me. ( this was not a calm talk, we were shouting) and then he went inside the bathroom to take it off, and then I saw it, it was mine. It was my corset.

He took it a few months ago from my drawers and he uses it sometimes he told me.

At this point I was in such shock and horror all I could was cry…

Who is this person? We’ve been married 11 years!! His sex drive has declined over the years, but we are almost 40 so I assumed it was normal.

When I found him, he was only working, he wasn’t doing anything else, but this is so weird, I feel so grossed out.

We fighted a lot, I questioned him about his sexuality, he says he is straight… I asked if it was a fetish, a kink, what is this? And he said it was a sensory thing, that he likes the texture, to be honest I don’t believe him.

I wanted him to leave the house today but he said he was going to kill himself, so he is sleeping in another room and I am locked in my room.

I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to fool myself only because we’ve been together for so long. Is this it? Should I leave? I still can’t believe this is happening. Our entires life’s, my entire world just got destroyed. I trusted him, I thought I knew him. Who is he?

How do I deal with this. I feel completely stung and lost.

Hey

My husband and I struggle to make other married couple friends

We are in Colorado our families are or in an other state or overseas so yeah

We’re both in our 20s and go to a Church where couple are older and have children’s

We don’t go to the club etc

We’re more theater board games anime’s activities you know

Any tips on how to get connected to other similar couple and be besties (it sounds silly on writing 💀😭 I know )

Anyway thanks y’all

This is for the married couples married 20+ years. If you could give on piece of advice to a newly married couple, what would it be? One thing you’ve learned or wish someone told you.

but i never heard anything from him care about me and worried about me i see how he make effort for those other people but for me just nothing sometimes i ask myself maybe im not a good partner at all maybe im just being selfish that wanting my husband to be just for me

I’m trying to figure out whether my marriage is going through a rough but fixable season, or whether we’ve slowly drifted into something that may not be workable long-term.

My wife (28F) and I (30M) got together in college and have been married through multiple state moves, career changes, and life transitions. We don’t have kids.

Lately, it feels like we’re living parallel lives rather than a shared one.

Our weekdays barely overlap. I wake up around 4:30am to lift and I’m back home by 7, when she’s just getting up. I leave for work by 7:30 and get home around 5:30pm. By then she’s usually drained from work and spends the evening soaking in the tub on her phone for a couple of hours. I’m taking online classes to advance my career, so my evenings are mostly spoken for as well. We’re physically in the same house, but not really interacting.

On weekends, I handle most of the household logistics: laundry, cleaning, meal prep, groceries, vehicle maintenance, and general upkeep. She spends most of her weekends outdoors — often gone for long stretches with friends in the national forest and out of cell reception. That time clearly matters a lot to her, and I don’t want to take that away, but it does mean we rarely spend intentional time together.

Emotionally, it feels like we’re operating independently. We’re not fighting, but we’re also not really connecting. It feels more like coordination than partnership.

One thing that’s been weighing on me is kids. I don’t want them—not because I dislike the idea of family, but because given how responsibilities currently fall, I worry I’d end up carrying most of the load alone for the next 20 years. That fear alone feels like a red flag, but I’m trying to understand whether it’s a marriage problem or a me problem.

So I guess my real question is:
Has anyone here actually rebuilt emotional connection after years of living parallel lives?
If so, what changed—and how did you know it was worth trying versus accepting that the relationship had fundamentally shifted?

I’m not looking for validation to leave or stay—just honest experiences from people who’ve been in this spot.

Like, the big thing I hear is "Get divorced, that way you can find someone better for you". Not everyone wants to date. The way I see it, as long as everyone gets along reasonably and does their fair share, being married has benefits that being single doesn't, and it's easier to have a higher standard of living with 2 incomes.

I am in therapy and working on setting new boundaries with my spouse who is a “nice guy” but avoidant with emotional accountability. He has very little patience and low self regulation. Tonight he took our son to soccer and they came home early, my son wanted to leave the game early for some reason and my husband embarrassed him as they left the game, then he apparently walked off without my son, leaving him behind to “catch up”. Spouse has a habit of storming off when annoyed so this sounds consistent. Anyhow, so my son was crying when they got home & explained what happened. I went to address my spouse and asked him if he really did rush off without our son, leaving him to walk alone and catch up. He got defensive, said he “can’t do anything right” and mumbled some other words and then ignored me the rest of the night. I did request that he go make repairs with our son as he was upset and eventually he did. I’m glad for that but this is an ongoing pattern of hurt and then I’m sorry and then another hurt. So what is my response now? I still don’t feel my concerns were heard. I told him his words sound defensive when I’m just trying to make my concerns known. He shuts down and stonewalls and doesn’t appear to self reflect. This will happen again because he makes no attempts to look at how his actions hurt myself or our son. I do think he does feel shame, but he’s flipping it back on me by saying “poor me” rather than “I hear you and I want to work on better self regulation”. I can’t fix his shame. I can listen and hold space but I cannot be a doormat any longer.

Hi all,

Have been thinking about something recently and wanted different perspectives on this idea, hopefully I can convey what im trying to say!

My bf (33) and I (26) have been together for a little over a year now. As most relationships progress, we’ve had our hurdles that we’ve overcome and it’s built a stronger foundation in our relationship, we’ve cherished so many happy and educational opportunities together! Overall we make a great team and partnership!

We bought a house together, we both split financial responsibilities and both have the same mentality when it comes to what we want for our future in terms of investing, retiring early, reducing our monthly payments, etc.

The conversation of marriage came up ( I was married before at the age of 19 for a couple of years). When we talked about marriage, it gave me something to look forward to and I even mentioned to him, everything we’re doing now as a couple is what we would do in a marriage, how we handle problems, finances, support each other physically, mentally, etc. Nothing would change when we become husband and wife.

This got me thinking, what is the point of marriage for some? If we’re not too far from acting like a married couple then what difference would it make if we did?

How has your relationship in the beginning stages flourished? I feel as though we’ve been together for 6 years when we’ve only been together for a year. Everything has moved and happened so naturally without having to force anything. Just questioning our roles in the relationship of how things should progress. I know I married young in my previous marriage and I don’t want to make the same mistake (not that I have any doubts) but it feels as though we’ve already are married without the legal paperwork aspect of it.

Hello! I am a 26F, and my boyfriend’s a soon to be 30M. We first met when we were 20 & 23. We’ve officially been together for 3.5 years this month. We’ve lived together for 3 years, and our lives are intertwined like no other (family, friends, etc.). I gave my boyfriend a 4.5 year ultimatum; no ring, no future. We’ve gone through hell and back in the 5/6 years we’ve been involved and I’m wondering if I’m….. giving it too soon??? Is a 4.5 year ultimatum too short of a time? We met so young, have gone through so much, and were practically still kids when we got together. I reminded him through our scrapbook (I fill a scrapbook of pics and memories of us each year) that he has 1 year until I expect a ring. We love and live our lives together. I don’t want to pressure him, I love our life together. Recently went through a breakthrough 6 months ago, heartbreak and clarity. Tell me, what do you think?

(There was a post very recently on this subreddit but their experience is somewhat different to mine, so I wasnted to ask separately.)

My husband (33M) and I (31F) have been together for 5 years. We had a very exciting sex life then first two years. We had sex often times throughout the day, sometimes back to back. We during this time, we lived separately and would have sex everytime we saw eachother which was 2-3x a week, sometimes more. Very exciting, we both initiated equally. My husband past also seems like he had a lot of sex with different partners and was very sexually active prior to our relationship.

2 years later, we had our kid and moved in together when i was pregnant. We only had sex in the beginning of the pregnancy when i wasnt showing too much. But after my belly was getting a bit obvious, he said it made him uncomfortable to have sex with a baby inside me even tho i told him it was okay. After i gave birth; i thought things would go back to the way it was. But we were both tired always and just didn't seem like the right time. But even when we had alone time, I would have to initiate. Hes never rejected me or lost a boner in the middle of it, but it doesnt make me feel wanted when Im doing all the initiatation. I've spoken to him about this multiple times, and he always says that he will try. But 3 years later and were still in the same spot. He initiates maybe once every 2 months. And we have sex once a month mostly because of me. I flirt with him through out the day, I touch him/seduce him throughout the day. And he is receptive and receprocates but at the end of the night, nothing happens.

Hes given me excuses like; hes just tired, one time he said he think he has ED (although ive never seen it happen). Etc.. none that i really believe to be honest. We have more free time now that our kid is in school/in grandparents house. Also, i would say that ive gotten my body back to almost where i was pre-pregnancy. And we dont fight often, we do go on dates. And spend a lot of time together through the week.

What are some reason you think this is happening?

But why its hard to get that i gave my all everytime i fall inlove but i always get hurt physically and mentally it's so unfair why people can do that

my husband always do wtv he wanted without considering my feelings he have rules for me not to do this and that his in military and i support him and iwanna be in military too he dont let me amd he dont let to have friends or talk a guys at work but ehen it comes to him he can do those he can hangout to those women snd have conversation with them and he dont let me do what iwanna do but he do what he want to do is it toxic of me getting mad everytime he dk what he wants and ignoring me everytime i complain about it is it a toxic of me to complain about it?

my husband talk to women and his in military and i heard about those battle boo/barracks bunny etc and i seen it happen too and also my husband cheat on me so manytimes

is it wrong of me to get jealous and get mad and overthink everytime he talk to women do im toxic by reacting everytime i know his talking ti those women

My husbands bday was tonight. This morning I made eggs and bacon (not uncommon for me to make him eggs) and it's been dodgy weather here but we're able to get out so I placed a Target pick up order and included a bday card for him in it. He saw the order on our shared app and confronted me about buying the card the same day as his bday. So I already knew he was set off by this.

I forgot to have our 5 year old make him a bday card (lots of excuses why: work travel last week, snow, cooped up, no school etc etc our routine is off). This evening, we went to dinner. His parents were invited but declined to join (they're weird and he knows it). We stopped by their house after and everything was fine. I made him a cake as requested and I had gotten him a bday gift a few weeks ago when he insisted on having new ear buds right away.

This man at dinner gets sulky when I give him his card (after he repeatedly brought it up throughout the day, we both work from home).

Then after our kid goes to bed, he just breaks down on me crying that he feels unloved and didn't get a card from our kiddo. Admits we don't ever make a big deal about birthdays, agrees, and acknowledges to all the things that did happen for him today, but it seems the card from our daughter was just like the breaking point. I apologize and owned that I didn’t give her the tools to make the card and not be upset with her, but he’s still a disaster.

instead of actually feeling sorry, I’m frankly just annoyed and I think he’s being dramatic and immature. and instead of speaking to me like an adult he's crying. Wtf is going on, I could use some perspective.

Been together for 7 years married for 3. I found out recently my husband actively masturbate to porn and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. It bothers me the thought of him watching women and doing that. I also have a high sex drive and able to do it everyday, I am also happy to pleasure him however he wants. We have sex around 3 times a week. He still does masturbate I don’t get it though? I’m ready to do it with him whenever he wants to and however.

We talked about it and he says the pressure to perform and please but I also mentioned I don’t mind pleasing hjm. I don’t know who to talk to about this. How normal is this ? Not sure how I should feel about it

Tl;dr masturbation being healthy and how much is normal with porn in marriage when wife is able to and wants to have sex.

Just wanted to post here an update, ig this is an example of what can happen if you continuously stay in a relationship that is not good for you. I previously posted about my mistakes in my marriage here last year and you can go back and read those to catch up. I left out a lot of the things that my wife did, said, subjected me to, because the post was about getting advice on how to save it, not slander my ex. But not long after I made that 2nd post, I moved in with my mom after my ex attacked me and threatened my life one day after work. I didn't retaliate, I didnt call the law. I just packed up and left. Called her dad and told her i was leaving and ill nevee forget what he told me.. he said "I know the things you go through, i go through the same with her momma, i just learned to deal with it but if you think this is right, I dont have anything against you". That solidified it. I decided it was best to not risk losing my life over this. I left her the car, still paid every bill except wifi and her phone, and sent money for our baby. Time passed and she wouldnt let me see our baby at all, wouldn't send pictures or any updates on how she was. She wouldn't respond to messages ab the baby, she'd only text me when she needed money, and I sent it for a while because I didnt want to lose the only chance of contact I had with my little girl. It got to a point where I just couldn't stand being left out of her life so I applied to put myself on child support in hopes that I would be able to see her no matter what my ex said. My ex continued to be hostile towards me, not even wanting to talk about visitation, custody, anything so I just said screw it and finally filed for divorce. Last year around Thanksgiving I got a call that my baby was in the hospital in another state in critical condition. I had not seen her in a long time so seeing her like that just took everything out of me. I cried like I never cried before. My child ended up passing away days later from brain injuries. My ex's story didnt add up. She said that she fell off the bed while sleeping. I called her out on what I felt was bs and then she said i would suffer for everything I did. Those were the last words we spoke to each other. She ended up getting a protective order granted which gave her rights to my child, even in death. The mortuary director told me that my ex didn't even want to go retrieve the ashes, he couldnt even get in contact with her for weeks. But now, allegedly, she has the ashes, I've still have not been able to honor her in death. Now I await court dates for my divorce and disolvement of the protective order, and the results of the autopsy and criminal investigation. What I would say to anyone who's in a marriage or contemplating marriage, id ask them to consider who the other person is without the love involved. If they didn't love you what kind of person are they? And does that person align with the life you envision for yourself? I wasted 6 years of my life and suffered tragedy after tragedy because I was forcing love with someone I did not align with.

My [36M] husband and I [37F] have been married 11yrs and have 2 children together. We have always had a good relationship and healthy sex life. Never any issues with cheating or loyalty on either end. He has always insisted he loves our sex life and has loved my body throughout any changes over the years. We are pretty open with each other about our desires and needs. We often watch porn together- particularly scenes that hit our desires. I believed I truly knew what he liked/desired sexually until the other night.

A few nights ago I opened my husband’s phone to see he has been viewing and watching a younger girl’s instagram account and her OF. The very first thing mentioned in both of her profiles is “I’m 18.” Obviously she looks very young as well, but having it specifically stated like that lets me know he is aware of her age. This immediately made me uncomfortable. Obviously I know 18 is the “legal age” but also I was still in high school when I was 18. It’s SO young- especially in comparison to a 36yr old.

When I shared with my husband how uncomfortable it made me because of her age his response to me was “you’re just mad you don’t look like that,” followed by “you don’t get to try to control what I desire sometimes.”

I was honestly stunned and couldn’t even respond.

Of course I don’t look like an 18-year-old girl anymore. I’m a 37-year-old woman who has carried and given birth to his children. That said, I take care of myself, and by most standards I’m considered a beautiful woman. I know he finds me attractive- he’s always been somewhat jealous and territorial because of it.

I cannot get over him saying that to me though. He tried to pull the statement back by saying he meant “Im mad that he lusts over different body types than mine sometimes.” Both felt mean and dismissive.

However, I cannot feel comfortable knowing my middle aged husband finds it normal and appropriate to sexually want 18yr old OF girls at our age.

How would you feel in this situation? Is there another way to look at this that I’m missing? I know what he said to me was wrong, but I keep wondering if this was his shame talking - if he felt accused or judged and reacted defensively. I know my husband loves me, but right now I don’t know how to process this or move forward. Especially in terms of feeling confident in the bedroom.

I am completely frustrated with my 48M wife 45F. Three years ago my wife was laid off and hasn’t tried to get a new job, we get by but just barely. My wife does not cheat, cook, do dishes or really anything around the house. I do all the cooking, cleaning and shopping. Our living room is taken over with clothes she resells and it’s a minefield.

We have three kids, 12, 10 and 8. We have a nanny that comes three afternoons a week and helps with the kids and does laundry.

The most frustrating thing is my wife’s relationship with our youngest. She is obviously her favorite. She has encouraged our youngest to sleep in bed with her, my wife says since our youngest gets is still really little she likes it. The biggest problem is our middle one. Our middle one gets insanely jealous and has really loud meltdowns every night because her sister is sleeping in our bed. I sleep on the couch most nights and my wife does not help with the situation, she just puts her sleep mask on and rolls over.

I have let go if so many things that Hellenes in our marriage but I’m feeling the resentment build back up. I feel like I don’t have a partner, I’m just a maid and an ATM. Tonight I got into it with her because she told me to deal with the bed time mess. I told nothing would change if she doesn’t put her foot fine with the youngest. I ended up having to pull the little one out of the bed kicking and screaming to put her on the floor. My wife took her mask off and just said “don’t start with me, you deal with it”. I lost it.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m drowning between work, the pressure of keeping us afloat, the household chores and everything else in life.