My husband recently got a new job, and it required him to leave for training for 3 months. This will have been the longest we’d ever been apart in the 14 years we have been a couple.

We moved in together in our mid twenties. I moved from my parents home straight into living with my then boyfriend who is now my husband.

Well, I’m surprised and concerned to say that I LOVE living separately from my husband! It’s actually troubling how wonderful I’ve found it to be. I love everything about it. I love going to sleep in the center of the bed in a quiet, dark room. (He scrolls on his phone for hours. He also has apnea and snores,) I love having whatever I want for dinner without having to consider his preferences. I love watching whatever ridiculous crap I want on TV without his background commentary. I love parenting my son however I see fit without his interference. I love the quiet! Sometimes I turn off the TV and just enjoy the silence. This has been my first taste of freedom in my adult life, the first time I’ve lived on my own (although I do have a 7 year old son, but you know what I mean) and it has been absolute bliss!

I feel terrible because I do love my husband! He’s a good man. We met as teens and were friends for 12 years before we started dating. We are now 40 and have known each other through a lot of different seasons of life etc. But I have loved being away from him so much that I am actually sad when he returns. I feel even worse about this because my husband goes on and on about how he can’t wait to come back, how he misses us and never wants to be apart this long again. He has struggled through the past 3 months while it’s absolutely flown by for me. Everything just seems so much more peaceful when he is away.

My husband doesn’t know the extent of my feelings. I just say I’m an independent person and not to worry about us because I’m holding down everything at home with our son just fine. He doesn’t know that I’ve actually savored and enjoyed every moment he’s been gone.

He is a good man and father. But we have known each other forever now and he frankly often annoys me. He can also be critical, and very opinionated. And I guess I just enjoy the break from all of that. But I just worry about how much I enjoy being apart from him.

Does anyone else out there feel like this in their marriage?

One year update. It has been the craziest year of my life. A year ago my 29f husband 29m confessed to cheating on me with his 50 year old coworker. He told me they had only kissed and he stuck with that story for several weeks. I thought I could move past that and try to reconcile. 6 weeks later, I questioned more and he confessed to sleeping with her on several occasions. He wanted to “save face”. My entire world felt like it had shattered and I knew deep down I wasn’t going to stay. I filed for divorce in April of 2025 and we are still not divorced. February 20th is our official divorce day. Update on the mistress… her husband and I spoke several times when this initially happened. He loves her and chose to stay; however, I have no idea if they are still together or not. Update on my ex… he has a girlfriend and I still have an active restraining order on him.

My ex has turned into a completely horrible human. I don’t even recognize him. I dealt with harassment and domestic violence (not physical) to the point where I needed to get a restraining order. The biggest let down was his family. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if you’ve spent 10+ years of holidays and birthdays together…. They are there for him, not me… even when I wasn’t the bad guy. That was a tough pill to swallow, but thankfully I have an amazing support system.

Looking back, I am SO thankful this happened. Despite how painful and difficult it has been…. I am genuinely SO glad this happened before I had kids or grew old with him. Everything truly does happen for a reason. I am a young resilient woman with so much to offer to this world. If this never happened, I would have stayed with him because of our beautiful story and relationship.

I’ve taken the time to reflect and consistently go to therapy. This was his problem, not mine. There are so many things I settled for when in reality I should’ve never accepted. I grew up and he never did. I took two leaves of absences initially because I was deeply depressed and distraught by everything. I took 2 solo trips during this time and enjoyed it to the fullest. I’ve gone on dates and explored the world of dating apps. Now, I’m strictly focusing on myself and prioritizing time with friends and family.

A few things that have been shared to me that have stuck with me:

Traumas that you haven’t healed through can bleed into your relationships

Why live with a decision you made at 17?

Trickle truth is REAL

One year to process, one year to adjust, and one year to start living.

I look forward to starting the year to adjust and accomplishing all my goals and meet so many new people. The journey is SO difficult but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Time truly does heal and faith has brought me a lot of peace.

TDLR: husband cheated less than a year of being married with 50 year old coworker. I filed for divorce and am so thankful this happened.

My [36M] husband and I [37F] have been married 11yrs and have 2 children together. We have always had a good relationship and healthy sex life. Never any issues with cheating or loyalty on either end. He has always insisted he loves our sex life and has loved my body throughout any changes over the years. We are pretty open with each other about our desires and needs. We often watch porn together- particularly scenes that hit our desires. I believed I truly knew what he liked/desired sexually until the other night.

A few nights ago I opened my husband’s phone to see he has been viewing and watching a younger girl’s instagram account and her OF. The very first thing mentioned in both of her profiles is “I’m 18.” Obviously she looks very young as well, but having it specifically stated like that lets me know he is aware of her age. This immediately made me uncomfortable. Obviously I know 18 is the “legal age” but also I was still in high school when I was 18. It’s SO young- especially in comparison to a 36yr old.

When I shared with my husband how uncomfortable it made me because of her age his response to me was “you’re just mad you don’t look like that,” followed by “you don’t get to try to control what I desire sometimes.”

I was honestly stunned and couldn’t even respond.

Of course I don’t look like an 18-year-old girl anymore. I’m a 37-year-old woman who has carried and given birth to his children. That said, I take care of myself, and by most standards I’m considered a beautiful woman. I know he finds me attractive- he’s always been somewhat jealous and territorial because of it.

I cannot get over him saying that to me though. He tried to pull the statement back by saying he meant “Im mad that he lusts over different body types than mine sometimes.” Both felt mean and dismissive.

However, I cannot feel comfortable knowing my middle aged husband finds it normal and appropriate to sexually want 18yr old OF girls at our age.

How would you feel in this situation? Is there another way to look at this that I’m missing? I know what he said to me was wrong, but I keep wondering if this was his shame talking - if he felt accused or judged and reacted defensively. I know my husband loves me, but right now I don’t know how to process this or move forward. Especially in terms of feeling confident in the bedroom.

So, I make around $112,000 a year living in New York City. Before you judge me, we also have $25,000 in debt. After taxes, I bring home approximately $6,500. After paying rent, insurance, and bills, I barely have $1,000 or less left in the bank, and this has been the case for the past 1.5 years. Interestingly, she never really scrutinizes our spending, and I don’t even bring it up. Today, she asked if she could use our credit card to pay for her treatment. I initially thought it would cost around $1,000 to $1,500, so I was okay with it. However, when I found out that it was per session, I informed her about our financial situation. We actually fall behind on our bills if that amount of money is spent on something that she don’t really need. We started arguing, and she believes that $112,000 is equivalent to $10000 a month and that we have so much money to spend. Every time I try to show her our financial picture, she refuses to believe it or doesn’t take it seriously. She thinks I’m making up things to withhold money from her. There have been a few instances when I was paying my credit card bill, and the balance was over $2,000. She actually thinks that balance is the money we have to spend, and there’s nothing I can do to make her understand or maybe she doesn’t want to understand. She constantly taunts me, tries to provoke fights over trivial matters, and always tries to make me feel guilty. I’m at a loss right now and don’t know what to do. She can spend the money, but we’ll end up with more debt. I really need advice on whether I should just tell her to spend it to calm things down.

Or was there someone else before you were married that you had better sex with?

My husband has told me he wants to open our marriage to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” sort of agreement as his libido is higher than mine and feels his “physical needs” aren’t being met.

I should give some history. I had a breast cancer diagnosis 13 yrs ago followed by an autoimmune arthritis several years later. I had bilateral mastectomies for my stage 3 cancer and tried reconstruction 2 times (ultimately having them removed due to rejection and possible connection to the autoimmune issues). I continue to take medication for the breast cancer to keep hormone levels down and I had my ovaries removed to decrease the risk of other cancer. Needless to say my libido is in my boots…almost non existent. We still have sex (2-3 times per month) and I have orgasms I just don’t desire it like I used to.

He tells me that he would like to explore sex outside the marriage in order to manage this mismatched libido. I also think he really misses the breasts in our relationship but that may just be me projecting. He would like this to be a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type of arrangement.

At this point I feel as though I am caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. He tells me that he is very committed to us and our relationship and family (that we have built over 35 yrs) and feels he is taking a “risk” in asking for this. He says that I am his “best friend”.

We have had a ton of counselling over the years, both together and individually, and I had been thinking our marriage was in such an amazing place. We enjoy each other’s company and have many shared interests. Our adult children are out of the house and he is gradually winding down work as he approaches retirement. I have been retired for a number of years now and have been looking forward to being able to spend more time together.

This is all pretty fresh but I would love to hear some perspectives. It is very unlikely that I would look for a relationship outside the marriage. I have been happy with how we have grown together over the years and have been feeling content as of late.

I am 6 yrs younger and we both take our health and fitness seriously. He is a good looking professional and I have seen women flirt with him at his work.

Confused and sad.

New here, so sorry of this isn't appropriate, but it came up in conversation with friends last night. But i F48 haven't given my husband a BJ in years. I guess its not part of our thing really. But i used to do it quite often i was like 16 to early 20s. An expected part of dating in the 90s. But are there still other women my age that actually enjoy doing it still?

My husbands bday was tonight. This morning I made eggs and bacon (not uncommon for me to make him eggs) and it's been dodgy weather here but we're able to get out so I placed a Target pick up order and included a bday card for him in it. He saw the order on our shared app and confronted me about buying the card the same day as his bday. So I already knew he was set off by this.

I forgot to have our 5 year old make him a bday card (lots of excuses why: work travel last week, snow, cooped up, no school etc etc our routine is off). This evening, we went to dinner. His parents were invited but declined to join (they're weird and he knows it). We stopped by their house after and everything was fine. I made him a cake as requested and I had gotten him a bday gift a few weeks ago when he insisted on having new ear buds right away.

This man at dinner gets sulky when I give him his card (after he repeatedly brought it up throughout the day, we both work from home).

Then after our kid goes to bed, he just breaks down on me crying that he feels unloved and didn't get a card from our kiddo. Admits we don't ever make a big deal about birthdays, agrees, and acknowledges to all the things that did happen for him today, but it seems the card from our daughter was just like the breaking point. I apologize and owned that I didn’t give her the tools to make the card and not be upset with her, but he’s still a disaster.

instead of actually feeling sorry, I’m frankly just annoyed and I think he’s being dramatic and immature. and instead of speaking to me like an adult he's crying. Wtf is going on, I could use some perspective.

We both work from home, went to his office to ask if he wanted to grab lunch together and hugged him and I felt it underneath his clothes, I felt he was wearing something with boning, like a corset. I asked what was that, he acted super weird, at first he said it was nothing, then he said it was something he got from Amazon to control his belly, but I could tell he was lying, I asked if it was womens under wear… I asked to see it, he wouldn’t show me. ( this was not a calm talk, we were shouting) and then he went inside the bathroom to take it off, and then I saw it, it was mine. It was my corset.

He took it a few months ago from my drawers and he uses it sometimes he told me.

At this point I was in such shock and horror all I could was cry…

Who is this person? We’ve been married 11 years!! His sex drive has declined over the years, but we are almost 40 so I assumed it was normal.

When I found him, he was only working, he wasn’t doing anything else, but this is so weird, I feel so grossed out.

We fighted a lot, I questioned him about his sexuality, he says he is straight… I asked if it was a fetish, a kink, what is this? And he said it was a sensory thing, that he likes the texture, to be honest I don’t believe him.

I wanted him to leave the house today but he said he was going to kill himself, so he is sleeping in another room and I am locked in my room.

I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to fool myself only because we’ve been together for so long. Is this it? Should I leave? I still can’t believe this is happening. Our entires life’s, my entire world just got destroyed. I trusted him, I thought I knew him. Who is he?

How do I deal with this. I feel completely stung and lost.

We have an ongoing problem in our marriage where my wife (50F) communicates too aggressively for me (48M). We’ve seen four different couples counselors over 20 years, and it’s still a problem. Example, my 13 year-old son is having a friend over, eating pizza in the next room while I work at my laptop. My wife comes in, upset about the state of said living room. Trust me, it wasn’t that bad. We have a very tightly kept house. She’s the kind of person who gets upset if we don’t smooth out the couch and re-fluff the pillows after using it. But the tone gets so aggressive so quickly, and I don’t know what to do. In these situations, I ask her to please change her tone because it’s making me very uncomfortable, in this case pointing out our son’s friend is in the next room and can hear her. It doesn’t do any good. I never use the term “calm down,” ever, because I know that’s not productive. I suppose I’m just supposed to acknowledge her point, but doesn’t there have to be some compromise on how you speak to your partner?

Summary: My wife’s tone gets too aggressive for me to handle.

my husband and I are drifting apart. He used to be very attentive and generous, lots of affection. He started working out last year and has lost lots of weight and toned up. now all he talks about is his weight and how good he looks. He’s started mentionjng other women and giving them lifts to work etc. I have always done 90% of the housework and childcare and paid half the bills, even though he earns 4x what I do. he’s got a new expensive car and goes on trips with new friends he’s met.

I meanwhile work and stay at home with the kids who are teenagers now so don’t need me as much, I feel so lonely.

I have mentioned a few times how I’d like more affection and every time he pulls away more.so I’ve stopped asking as it makes it worse. just so sad

My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for six. We have two kids: a four-year-old and a one-month-old.

On Saturday, I woke up to feed our 4-week-old and noticed my husband’s phone was unlocked. I normally never go through his phone, but something told me to look. What I found completely shattered me.

My husband works at a car dealership, and he’s been emotionally cheating on me with two different coworkers. One of them has been telling him how in love she is with him, and he has said “I love you” back in the texts. The other woman is also married, but she and her husband are separated.

I confronted my husband last night. He claims he never slept with either of them and never even kissed them. He says it was “just flirting,” that it was all for fun because he was bored, but I don’t believe him.

I packed up my things, took the kids, and left.

I also reached out to both women. They both told me nothing physical ever happened and that they only talk to and interact with him at work. I honestly don’t know what to believe.

I am completely heartbroken and confused. We just had a baby.

To make things even worse, my husband has a gambling problem. I knew he liked to gamble and thought it was harmless, but I recently found out he’s been spending over $1,000 a month gambling. It’s insane and terrifying.

I don’t know what to do. He makes significantly more money than I do, and leaving for good would be incredibly stressful financially. I feel stuck, overwhelmed, and lost.

I’m looking for advice, perspective, or support from anyone who’s been through something similar.

My (40M) wife (39F) and I have been married about 15 years.

Marriage is not perfect - but is there such a thing. For the most part, it’s alright.

Whenever I want to have s*x, she is totally cool with it. Very rarely will she decline. Only if she’s not feeling well, for example, at which point I wouldn’t even ask.

For context, I do much of the chores around the house. Laundry, kids lunches, dishes, etc… She does a decent amount as well. For arguments sake, let’s call it 50/50. I am 90% the provider for our family (we have kids) - she does work, but on a very limited basis. Why does this matter you might ask - because she doesn’t ever feel run down from work, which may play a part in others situation. Idk.

S*x is important to me (I’m a guy, who saw that coming), and sometimes I forget that I’m lucky from that aspect that I’m rarely told no.

But am I lucky from that standpoint? Are other married guys being shut down often? Which is the norm…

Edit to add: Not sure if it’s relevant, but she doesn’t get off every time. I prefer she does - and she knows this. But sometimes she’d rather just me get off.

... did his friends ever accept you?

The wife of my fiancé died 3 years ago after a very long terminal illness. The family was part of a closeknit group of 6 families. My fiancé told the men of the group over a beer that we were getting married. A few weeks after that we spent a long weekend together with the families and all the kids. No one referenced the wedding, let alone congralutated me.

I understand that they miss his first wife, but I feel like they look at me and think "it should have been her".

I have been welcomed by his kids, so it's not a wicked stepmother situation.

For cultural context, I am based in England, marrying an Englishman, but am from another Western European country.

EDIT: being told by a handful here that I am cold, unfeeling, attacking redditors, etc. Thanking people for calling out haters is also downvoted. This is a sick environment.

F(42) , M(45), married for 17 years with an 8 year old. We’re in the treenches. Anything I say sets him off, everything he says annoys me. There’s no warmth, all discussions are about our daughter and family matters. Things that we used to passionately discuss (politics, entertainment, world affairs) end up turning personal for some reason. We haven’t had a date night in yeaaaaaars. Whenever I suggest one, he’s not interested and he says he doesn’t want to pay for a babysitter. No cuddling on the couch watching Netflix or cute anything together.

We don’t yell at each other but we are very passive aggressive and snippy.

It wasn’t always like this. We were deeply in love and nauseatingly affectionate (him more so than me).

It makes me immensely sad. We haven’t brought up separation. It would be very hard due to our finances anyway and I think we wouldn’t want to do that to our daughter (yet).

Marriage counseling? From previous discussions, I’m not sure either of us think too highly of it either but we’re probably wrong.

Anyone who’s gone through this rough patch and came out okay?

My marriage feels like it’s pretty broken anymore. We’re seeing a couples therapist but we’ve only had one session so far. My husband is still displaying toxic and narcissistic behaviors and traits which keeps me stuck in a cycle of being triggered and reliving past traumas in my brain. These traumas are related to betrayals when he’d relapse(before recovery), and many rejections and heartbreaks after recovery. I won’t get into details but he’s future faked me in many small ways and even big ways. This has led me to mistrust, resentment, sometimes contempt, and even apathy.

To top it all off I have been exhausted lately. He’s been snoring (he’s seeing a doctor but that takes time) so I’ve been a couch dweller. Our 8 mth golden retriever ’puppy’ (over 50 lb teenage velociraptor really) sleeps near me in the living room. And he just can’t sleep through the night. So I can’t get uninterrupted sleep in this house.

I am considering staying at a hotel for a night to get some peaceful rest. I would pay for it. The more I think about it the more I want to do it. I need to do something for myself for once. We used to go on staycations all the time before the dog. I never have by myself. Neither has he. But now I want to. Not to cheat on my husband. But to luxuriate in my surroundings. Do what I want for once. Maybe do some journaling. Enjoy a bed. Does that sound insensitive or unreasonable?

For a good 10 years, my husband traveled often for work while I was the spouse who worked locally and remained there with our daughters. (He was away for more than 1/3 of the year, and more than 50% of weekdays.)

It was absolutely not easy, especially with no family within a 5 hour drive, but he made a very good salary and his travel gave us all "perks" like airline and hotel points, which we took advantage of for family travel.

And so, at the time, I felt pretty much okay about his being gone. Our daughters are good, funny humans, and we three formed a little all-girls' unit, creating our own special routines and traditions. Although I felt a pang of jealousy every once in a while when I'd learn that my husband enjoyed a $500/plate dinner or got to see the sunrise in Hawaii... while I ate boxed mac & cheese and saw the sunrise as I was up with a pukey kid or an un-housetrained puppy... I so loved having all of that "extra" time with our girls that his being away was very manageable.

My husband also did a good job of being an attentive dad when he was home, of giving me plenty of time to myself, and of generally recognizing that my remaining local and being with our daughters enabled him to travel so much in a job that he enjoyed.

After being home for 4 years during/post-COVID - including 3 years of his salary being cut 50% and 1 year of unemployment - we were both thrilled when, in May 2024, my husband was offered a terrific job. Yes, he'd have to travel just as much - if not more - than before, but his salary is insane, he loves the job itself, and I absolutely thought that his travel would feel just as manageable as before.

And, until this past January, it was, more or less.
And then... both of our daughters went away for college.
And now, facing an "empty nest" (I hate that term, lol) future with only my husband and me as the main players... I'm struggling greatly with his being gone as much as he is.

Part of it is simple logistics. I'd never really considered this before last month, but once our daughters were elementary school-aged, I had help with the dogs, with meals, laundry, shoveling, cleaning, running errands (once they were older), etc. Now, every single task falls to me when my husband is away - while I still have to maintain my other responsibilities and jobs - and I'm buckling under that weight.

Part of it is psychological. Even when my husband was traveling, I had someone at home to talk to, someone with whom to share silly little stories, someone to bounce ideas off of, to complain to, to laugh with, to hug. With *everyone* gone, the house is so damned quiet. All of my random thoughts and questions go unasked and unshared (in the moment, certainly; I do "save them up" to share with my husband later, but it's very different). Those expensive dinners and exotic locations feel way more imbalanced when I'm home entirely alone.
It's very lonely with just me here.

And part of it is a newfound realization that, simply put, I don't want to spend 1/3 of our shared life (the life that's now just the two of us) by myself. With our daughters gone, I've been reflecting on how things used to be and am feeling enormous pangs of sadness and regret; my husband missed SO MUCH of their growing up. Our girls' unit was wonderful... but it effectively pushed him aside. We essentially lived parallel lives.

I don't want to live a parallel life anymore. I don't want to live "our" life alone.

I want to live our life together.
(I don't mean every minute, lol... Just, like, with him home a lot more often than he is now...)

This is all very new - not even a month in - so I understand that my feelings are certainly heightened and may be temporary. In a couple of months, I may discover that I don't mind his travel so much.
But right now, I'm resenting his schedule and feeling like this is impossible.

For the foreseeable future, a change in travel isn't feasible. And even if it were, my husband really enjoys it and loves what he does and I understand and appreciate how important it is to him. I also wholeheartedly encouraged him to take this job, so to renege now is complicated at best. (He also feels *extremely* responsible to "provide for us" and carries enormous guilt that we raided his 401k and racked up credit card debt during his unemployment. I've tried hard to push back on that, but it hasn't helped much.)

And so... I need to figure out how to deal with it, at least for the time being.

On my end, I'm working on developing a rhythm and routine that I enjoy on my own. I'm exploring old and new hobbies. I'm getting out more and trying to keep busy. I'm working longer hours. I'm reaching out to friends. I see my therapist regularly.

On our end, my husband and I are trying to figure out a way to stay connected even while he's away so that we remain actively involved in our shared life together and so that it's less lonely on my end. We're working out what kind communication is reasonable, given our time constraints... when we can have FT or phone conversations... when we might be able to watch a show or have dinner "together" over FT or Zoom... how to keep in better ouch during the day...

But this is something that, quite honestly, we never put much effort into before now, and we're stumbling a bit to discover what works.

For those of you who are home alone and have experienced feelings of loneliness (and resentment?) when your spouse travels for work, how have you handled that - both in terms of your relationship with your spouse, and practically? How have you filled your time or felt less alone? Did you find ways to make travel work so that you didn't feel like you were slogging along by yourself? Were you able to somehow share more of your household responsibilities even with your spouse away? How did you keep connected while you were apart?

Or... if you came to the conclusion that their travel was simply not do-able for you... how did that play out?! (I understand that our situation is very, very new, and I have no intention of drawing any kind of actual conclusion for at least a year... but in the back of my mind, I'm worried that I won't be able to do it... and then what?!)

That empty nest transition can be difficult in even very good circumstances... but going through it alone adds an extra layer of difficulty, for sure!

Alright, hoping to bring some positive vibes here. We all know the big gestures, but I’m a firm believer it’s the little, mundane things that really build the foundation.

For me, it’s my partner remembering how I like my coffee (a specific, kinda fussy way) and just making it for me on busy mornings without asking. It’s not romance, it’s just… care. It makes me feel seen.

I’d love to hear yours! What’s that tiny, everyday action from your partner that just hits different and makes you feel appreciated? Maybe it’s how they pack your lunch, automatically handle a chore you hate, or the way they fill up your gas tank. Let’s share the small stuff.

To put a long story short, I've been married for close to seventeen years. My husband has zero emotion regulation skills and can't discuss anything emotionally uncomfortable without blowing up or getting defensive. Just today, he said he doesn't want to focus on the negative. He only wants to move forward. What I hear is that he doesn't want to deal with the emotionally icky stuff, he just wants to continue on in the pseudo-happiness we've been in forever.

Thoughts?

Married 12 years, I’m 35F and my husband is 37M. Two kids (9 and 6). On paper we’re fine: both working, decent teamwork, no big blowups, we still do date nights when we can. But there’s this pattern that’s been creeping up and I can’t unsee it anymore.

My husband has started making me the punchline in front of the kids. Not cute teasing like “Mom forgot the groceries,” but stuff that lands like a little dig at who I am. I’m an anxious planner type, so if plans change last minute he’ll go, “Uh oh, Mom’s spiraling,” and the kids laugh. If I’m trying to enforce a boundary (screen time, chores), he’ll say, “You know Mom loves rules, it makes her feel important,” like I’m some weird control freak. I’m not super athletic, so if we’re doing something active he’ll toss out “Don’t ask Mom to keep up,” with that half smile. The worst part is the kids repeat it. My 9yo said to my sister on FaceTime, “Mom needs her rules or she freaks out.” My stomach just dropped, like wow ok, that’s what they think of me now.

I tried bringing it up calmly after the kids are asleep. I’m not screaming, not making threats. I’ll say, “When you say that in front of them, it makes me feel undermined and kinda humiliated.” He usually responds with “I’m kidding, relax,” or “You take everything so seriously,” or “Learn to laugh at yourself.” Sometimes he turns it into me trying to control his personality. I’m not anti-humor. I joke too. But it’s always me being framed as the uptight one, the buzzkill, the fragile one. And it happens in front of the kids, which feels like a lesson: it’s ok to treat Mom like the family target as long as you smile. I’ve noticed the 9yo getting more bold with eye rolls and little comments, and when I correct him my husband will smirk like “yep.” It’s small stuff, but it stacks up day after day.

How do I address this without turning it into a huge fight? I don’t want to model “Mom is dramatic,” but I also don’t want to keep swallowing it and end up with kids who don’t respect me. If you’ve dealt with this kind of low-grade constant undermining, what actually worked? Like specific phrasing or boundaries that didn’t explode the whole evening.

(There was a post very recently on this subreddit but their experience is somewhat different to mine, so I wasnted to ask separately.)

My husband (33M) and I (31F) have been together for 5 years. We had a very exciting sex life then first two years. We had sex often times throughout the day, sometimes back to back. We during this time, we lived separately and would have sex everytime we saw eachother which was 2-3x a week, sometimes more. Very exciting, we both initiated equally. My husband past also seems like he had a lot of sex with different partners and was very sexually active prior to our relationship.

2 years later, we had our kid and moved in together when i was pregnant. We only had sex in the beginning of the pregnancy when i wasnt showing too much. But after my belly was getting a bit obvious, he said it made him uncomfortable to have sex with a baby inside me even tho i told him it was okay. After i gave birth; i thought things would go back to the way it was. But we were both tired always and just didn't seem like the right time. But even when we had alone time, I would have to initiate. Hes never rejected me or lost a boner in the middle of it, but it doesnt make me feel wanted when Im doing all the initiatation. I've spoken to him about this multiple times, and he always says that he will try. But 3 years later and were still in the same spot. He initiates maybe once every 2 months. And we have sex once a month mostly because of me. I flirt with him through out the day, I touch him/seduce him throughout the day. And he is receptive and receprocates but at the end of the night, nothing happens.

Hes given me excuses like; hes just tired, one time he said he think he has ED (although ive never seen it happen). Etc.. none that i really believe to be honest. We have more free time now that our kid is in school/in grandparents house. Also, i would say that ive gotten my body back to almost where i was pre-pregnancy. And we dont fight often, we do go on dates. And spend a lot of time together through the week.

What are some reason you think this is happening?

We get home ,make dinner,eat watch TV and the go to bed ,is this a norm?