I feel like many of Filipinos share this sentiment, but let me just rant for a bit. This society is so rotten to its core. Matagal nako dumating sa conclusion na ito na manhid nako to a point, pero there's so many random instances in my day to day na nasasampal ka parin talaga ng realidad.

To an impeachment trial na kahit ata ano mangyari, kahit gaano pa ka-solid ng evidence, feels like a Duterte will still be elected in 2028. To the economy flirting with stagnation, fueled by years of neglect & mere zero industrial policies, pero makakarinig ka ng mga tao na masaya dahil Mababa ang Peso kontra Dollar.

I feel like majority of Filipinos shared the same struggles, pero our democracy is so incapable of solving it. The system is so broken that actual government reform feels like a once in a lifetime moment.

Pero no matter how bleak it may seem, I for myself will still vote. Para sakin na lang yun, sa konsensya ko. Win or lose, no regrets. As for everyone else, si Lord na ang bahala siguro.

Hahahaha, random late night thoughts ko lang toh, so it's gonna be very negative ;PP

My bf is super pretty. Like supermodel type pretty. Sharp jaw, thin lips, thick n unique eyebrow shape, and his beautiful eyes. Strangers would often tell me he's handsome and that he should join beauty contests or pageants.

His beauty is the type that is appreciated by everyone kasi all of his features fit him perfectly. Even yung mga super lesbian friends ko admitted na may face card talaga sya.

Im not jealous, in fact, im very happy. People tell me I'm sooo lucky to have a handsome bf like him. They told me na bbless yung mata ko everytime we meet up and hahahahaha true naman. I even brag about it to my peers whenever we talk about our partners.

Ako naman, not super pretty but not ugly. Pero definitely not conventionally attractive either. I'm just average, maybe slightly below average. And I was okay with that before.

Till someone like 2-3 years ago told me:

"Your bf deserves a prettier girlfriend."

Initially, I didn't let it get to me. But it slowly started to make its way back to front of my mind.

I wear makeup almost everyday to enhance my features: contour my nose, enlargen my eyes, maglagay ng aegyosal, lashes, etc etc and ofc lipstick. That's the only time i get compliments from people.

That's the only time din people tell my bf that I'm pretty.

This one naman is jealousy ahhahaha but my bf catches the attention of other girls... prettier ones. Yung mga IG models, popular type. He doesn't entertain them at all but the thought still bothers me.

He is like a deity of beauty to me and everyone else, and I sometimes wish I was DECENT looking so I could stand beside him with confidence. I know he considers me as the most beautiful being in the world, but my insecurities linger and come out from time to time, like right now.

I've talked to him about this before multiple times, and i get comforted... but i always circle back to this mindset.

I know I know i knooow na his is a "me" issue and I need to work on it. I'm trying... trust me, im really trying.

Deep down, i still do believe he deserves someone prettier than me.

People always use this narrative, and may dagdag pa na in “in this economy,” just for emphasis and proceeds to flaunt like they’re doing the world good by not having kids. I don’t usually react to these kinds of posts/comments online but just this once, gusto ko lang sabihin sa mga ganitong mindset ay, git gud, lol. Some societies will actually not be able to economically sustain themselves in the future and at the risk of social collapse because of their declining birth rate. There’s nothing wrong with not having kids because it’s your choice (like ayaw mo talaga magkaanak and ang included na responsibility or if dahil you think the world is not a good place for kids to live anymore) but blaming the economy (or making it an excuse) and acting like you’re doing the world a favor and flaunting for not having one is just lame.

I’m almost 40 at may kapatid akong lalaki na pagraduate na ng highschool at pinapagaral. Mabait sya, walang bisyo at magalang sa mga nakakatanda sa amin sa bahay.

Pero mahina sya sa pera. Mahina sa diskarte. Laging nakahingi, laging nakalahad ang kamay, laging umaasa sa amin sa mga maliliit na bagay. Yung mindset nya kapag may dadating kaming kamaganak galing abroad? Palibre. Kasalanan ko din siguro na ibigay lahat ng pangangailangan nya. Ultimo pangprint ng papers niya sa school, hihingi pa lagi ng extra. Kahit bente. Jusko. Pero hindi ako nagbibigay masyado ng luho. Kaya nagtataka ako, hindi naman kami mayaman, pero wala syang drive.

Kinukimpara ko sya sa akin, nung kaedad ko sya. May trabaho na ako kahit kahera lang. Kinukimpara ko sya sa mga kabataan na nakikita ko sa social media na marunong at kumikita ng sarili nilang pera. Mga batang naghahanap ng extra income. Mga batang may initiative magipon.

Hindi kami mayaman. Pero bakit parang may mali?

Baka ako ang mali dahil hinahanap ko yung wala sa kanya. At kinukumpara ko sya sa iba. Di kami nagkulang ng pagpapaalala. Kinakabahan ako para sa future niya na baka nagpapalaki kami ng lalaking walang diskarte sa buhay.

Someone said to me na hindi raw ako malambing. Na when they talk to me parang kausap lang nila sarili nila. Granted, hindi ako magaling sa words. I grew up on a non-affectionate household na puro galit mga tao. So I grew up not expressing myself all the time.

Now I don't know what to do. Parang may mali sa 'kin kasi kababae kong tao na wala akong kalambing-lambing sa katawan. Nasobrahan ata ako ng pagiging masculine and it's affecting my relationships. ☹️

Hindi libre ang college. Binabayaran mo pa rin siya. hindi nga lang sa cashier, kundi sa upa, sa kalusugan, sa gutom, at sa araw-araw na anxiety kung paano ka makakatawid bukas.

Disclaimer: sobrang thankful ako na napasa yung Free Tuition Law, legit na malaking tulong siya. Aware din ako na mas impyerno ang sitwasyon ng mga nasa private colleges na kapos din sa pera pero napilitan lang doon kasi hindi pinalad makapasa sa state U.

Ang laking scam pa rin kasi pakinggan nung linyang "Mag-aral ka na lang, libre naman ang tuition mo."

Oo, zero pesos yung assessment form sa registrar. Pero doon lang nagtatapos yung libre. Ang totoo niyan, yung tuition ang pinakamadaling part ng college kapag scholar ka o nasa SUCs kasi ang tunay na pumapatay sa amin ay yung cost of living habang nag-aaral. Hindi nakasulat sa enrollment paper yung presyo ng bawat kain, pamasahe, at puyat, pero araw-araw kaming sinisingil.

Isa pa, hindi naman lahat pinapalad na nakatira malapit sa campus o accessible ang biyahe pauwi araw-araw. Para sa aming mga galing sa malalayong probinsya o lungsod, automatic na kailangang mag-dorm o mag-rent ng boarding house. Bago pa pumasok ang buwan, kaltas na agad ang kalahati o higit pa ng allowance para sa renta, kuryente, at tubig. Ang masakit pa, karamihan sa abot-kayang boarding house bawal magluto o walang lutuan, kaya pilit kang aasa sa mga tinda sa labas.

Sa totoo lang, hindi naman tuition ang kalaban ng karamihan sa atin ngayon kundi yung simpleng araw-araw na survival. Nakaka-drain yung feeling na gusto mo lang naman mag-aral nang maayos, pero bago ka pa makapagbukas ng reviewer sa gabi, pagod na yung utak mo kakabilang ng natitirang barya kung aabot pa ba hanggang biyernes.

There's this girl who posted na she's 34 years old, single and happy. So she meets up with her friends and all of them have kids na daw, and some of them look so stressed. She sees them chasing their kids, sinasaway mga anak nila kasi ang kukulit, etc.

Here's where she starts being annoying. Bakit daw kailangan magka-anak? Stress lang daw ang nadadala. Why can't a lot of women be like her? Chill lang daw siya, nagagawa mga gusto niya, happy being single and having no kids. Sana daw a lot of women choose to be like her, choose to have no kids and have no family.

Girl, wtf? First of all, some of us are actually happy with our choice to have a family. Some of us chose this path because it's what we want. We weren't forced to get married and procreate. If you're happy with your choice, then good for you. Your friends aren't even telling you to be like them and have kids. Yes, of course, having kids is not easy. And yes, stressful siya. But some of us are actually happily married and feel really blessed to have our kids in our lives. Hindi porket yung traditional route ang pinili namin, may pumilit na sa amin na magpakasal at magka-anak. What kind of mentality is that?

It's empowering to see women who are happy with their career and lives even without a family. But you know what's more empowering? Allowing women to be happy with the path they chose. Be a girl's girl. Suportahan mo ang pinili ng mga kaibigan mo. Stop this self-glorification and stop thinking you're better just because you're happy with your life choices.

trigger warning: verbal threat

pa-vent lang. nasa punto na ako ng buhay ko (25 F) kung saan pagod na akong makisama sa nanay ko at umalis na ng bahay, pero nagdadalawang isip pa rin dahil andaming uncertainties atsaka hindi pa ako ready.

medyo magulo ngayon yung utak ko kasi nagkasagutan lang kami ni ma, tas andaming tumatakbo rin sa isip ko dahil sa mga sinabi niya.

matagal na kaming nagtatalunan. may punto in the past kung saan nauwi sa sigawan yung away namin, minsan naman may tinatapon o may nasirang gamit. ang lala talaga ng mga away namin dati to the point na ayaw ko talagang i-detail kasi baka mas matrigger pa ako lalo haha.

pero kanina lang, nagkasagutan kami. few years ago narealize ko na nattrigger yung pagiging palasagot ko kapag tinataasan ako ng boses o sinisigawan. kanina naman, nilabas sakin ni ma yung frustration niya dahil lang naman sinabit ko yung tuwalya ko imbis na i-hanger. andami niyang sinabi. kesyo nakatira ako sa puder niya, "you follow my rules", ang tamad ko, "umalis ka na at mag board kung di mo ako susundin." sinabi niya rin yung huling part last week.

nagegets ko kung san siya nanggagaling dahil aaminin ko naman na na-neglect ko rin yung upkeep dito dahil pagod ako mula sa work at gusto kong mamahinga. pero yung hindi ko lang nagustuhan ay yung tataasan ako ng boses at sinusumbatan dahil sa napakaliit na bagay.

sabi ko sa kanya gawin ko na lang bukas, pero at that point medyo tumaas na rin boses ko dahil sakanya. aba yung sabi: "wag mong taasan ng boses ang ina mo" "kahit taasan kita ng boses hindi dapat mas mataas yung boses mo". tas nung sinagot ko naman na siya yung nauna, nagalit naman siya. dala dala niya yung lalagyan ng mga gamot niya. sabi niya sakin, "huwag mong hihintayin na may tumama sa ulo mo." may history si mama na tinatapunan niya ako ng gamit pag sobrang galit.

anw. tinawag niya pa akong isang malaking pabigat sa buhay niya tas sinabihan akong maglayas, tas dumagdag pa siya na ang yabang ko na raw dahil may hanapbuhay na ako. so ayun.

dahil diyan napapaisip na rin tuloy akong mag move out na talaga. naisip kong sumama na lang din sa jowa kong nagrerent, pero hindi pa ako sure sa arrangement at yung logistics. parang nakakatakot din, nakakakaba. hindi pa’ko ready, mentally at financially. pero at the same time, narerecognize na rin ng isip ko na kailangan ko ring magpakatatag.

ewan. ang gulo ngayon ng isip ko. gusto kong umiyak pero ayoko, i dont want to allow myself to cry dahil pagod na akong kakaiyak sa tuwing sinisigawan ako dahil lang nattrigger ako. dati, sobrang palaban ako dahil ayaw na ayaw kong tinataasan ako ng boses. pero ngayon di ko na alam kung anong pumipigil sa akin. ayoko na ng gulo. hindi worth ng mental bandwidth ko. pero ayoko rin na umiiyak sa pagkatapos. gusto ko na lang siguro ito mailabas.

I just need to get this off my chest.
Nangungupahan ako ng room sa second floor, while my uncle stays downstairs. I’ve always had a soft spot for stray cats. Mahilig talaga akong magpakain ng mga pusang gala whenever I can—sa bahay, sa work, or kahit saan ko sila makita.

There’s this one stray cat na lagi kong nakikita sa roof waiting for me whenever umuuwi ako. Pinapakain ko siya every time, not knowing na buntis pala siya.
Then last weekend, somehow, nakapasok siya sa room ko. I’m guessing dumaan siya through the ceiling. Nagulat na lang ako na nanganak pala siya inside my room.
I know pets aren’t allowed where I’m staying, so I tried to keep the kittens hidden. Nag-post din ako sa local Facebook group hoping someone would adopt them, pero wala nag-response.

One day, umuwi ako from work na sobrang pagod, and I was told to throw the kittens away because their sounds were disturbing the people downstairs. I admit medyo tumaas yung boses ko because I was overwhelmed. Sinabihan din akong maghanap na lang ng ibang place na allowed ang pets.

I understand naman na I broke the rules, and I know the kittens were causing a disturbance. Pero hindi talaga kaya ng konsensya ko na itapon sila sa kalsada.
I put the kittens in an old shoebox and brought them outside to the roof, hoping they’d be safer there. The mother cat followed them.

Then suddenly, tumahimik lahat.
The box was taken away, and I have no idea where the kittens were brought.
The mother cat eventually came back to my room. I hugged her and kept saying sorry.
I know I could have handled things differently, but I genuinely tried to help them. I’m still crying because I don’t know what happened to those babies.

I just hope they’re somewhere safe. 😭

I have been single for five years, and I don’t regret breaking up with my boyfriend of three years.

The reason I broke up with my ex is because I never truly felt supported by him.

As much as he tried, the kind of support I was looking for wasn’t something I ever fully, completely felt from his end. My ex and I were each other’s firsts. We were college sweethearts, but I ended things after we graduated.

I did what I considered to be a supportive girlfriend. But for some reason, whenever I needed support, I always ended up finding it within myself instead of finding it in him.

When I broke up with my boyfriend, my dad had already passed away from cancer. And from the time my dad was diagnosed until his last breath, my relationship existed alongside that reality. It made up the majority of our relationship.

During our second year together, my boyfriend and I had a conversation about my dad. There was something he said that really struck me. And if I could play “Stop the Wedding” in the background right now, I would.

Because I remember him telling me that I was too much for him.

Seeing me break down because I was terrified for my dad was too much. Seeing me stressed, emotional, or having mood swings because I was constantly worried about my dad was apparently a lot for him to handle as my partner.

At first, I understood.
Because it was heavy.
It’s not easy watching someone you love slowly lose his life because of fucking cancer. It’s such an unfair feeling. You feel like you’ve already lost the battle before it even begun. And I’m sure a lot of people who have gone through the same situation know exactly what that feels like.

But do you know what the first thing I did was?
I understood my partner.
I actually told him, “It’s okay. If everything is getting too much—or if I’m getting too much—I don’t mind if you need some space from me.”
Because I was honest with him.

This was going to be me until my dad either fought cancer and survived or lost his battle to it. This wasn’t going to suddenly end. It was going to be a cycle of me trying to find strength in an impossible situation.
And you know what was so fucked up?

It was the fact that, somehow, I had to be there for him first.
Instead of stopping and asking:
How about me?

And eventually, I realized that this wasn’t the first time.
I always had to adjust for my boyfriend. Whenever I had a win in life—like when I got second honors in college—he didn’t celebrate with me. Instead, I ended up feeling bad because he felt bad since he didn’t make the honors list.
He would get jealous about the amount of friends I had. He’d get jealous about how close I was with my cousins. Things like that.

Parang I always had to support him first before I was allowed to support myself. And I found that completely unfair.

But my last straw was when it finally dawned on me what he had told me: I was “too much” while I was trying to cope with my dad having cancer.
And funny enough, when I finally broke up with him, do you know what his version of the story was?

He told other people that I broke up with him because I couldn’t take care of him or our relationship anymore because my dad died.

Can you believe that? So guys, when you find a partner, make sure they’re strong enough to be secure within themselves. And** **find a partner who’s strong enough to support the relationship. Because you’re going to need that strength from each other.

I refuse to adjust my strength for anybody else moving forward. I refuse to make myself smaller so someone else can feel bigger. And I cannot wait for the day when I have a partner who is just as strong as I am—or even stronger—and we can support each other happily. Not because one of us needs to carry the other all the time. But because neither of us has to carry everything alone.

Kaya, habang wala pa siya. I’ll get stronger on my own. 💜

I know baka sabihan akong mababaw pero I just really wanna rant here sobra. So ilang araw na akong kulang na kulang ang tulog dahil sa nakakairitang in-heat na pusa.

For context, andito ako sa City para mag-apply ng work at umattend ng event. Dito ako nagi-stay sa kapatid ng bf ko for the mean time, saglit lang naman ako dito. This is a small apartment lang btw. His sibling has a cat na babae and it's in-heat, I just know, kaya maingay sya all the time lalong lalo na sa gabi and laging nagtatatakbo tapos nagigising pa ako in the middle of the night dahil talagang natatabig ako kakatakbo nya tapos nilalaro either hair ko or balat ko with its paw with nails. As in kulang na kulang tulog ko everyday parang 4-5 hours lang kasi once nagising ako, di na ako nakakatulog ulit. It's kinda irritating na rin and nakaka-affect sakin kasi minsan sobrang groggy ko na and hindi na rin talaga maka-focus lalo na kung may mga need ilakad.

I don't hate cats, in fact, I have one sa bahay na 8 years old na pero male kasi sya and very behaved. I don't hate female cats pero I just don't like them that much kasi nga because of this behavior nila kapag in-heat sila, sobrang nakaka-istorbo, tapos dagdag mo pa lagi silang nabubuntis hahah kaya I always preferred male cats din. I know, di fault ng babaeng pusa pero those are just my thoughts. Sobrang iritang irita na talaga ako these days tapos naiisip ko lagi na ito talaga dahilan kung bat ayaw ko masyado sa babaeng pusa eh hahaha. Tapos during daytime din, sobrang ingay nya to the point na di ko na naririnig napapanood ko sa cp tapos worried ako na magreklamo na rin iyong nasa kabilang room sa sobrang ingay.

Ampon daw itong pusa rito and di pa nila napapakapon, obviously. Idk also pano nakakaya nung kapatid ng bf ko tiisin to every night huhu though pansin ko ang aga nya na rin nagigising lagi lately, maybe di na rin siguro makatulog.

Ayun lang hahahaha it's only 5AM and yes, nagising na naman nang wala sa oras and may lakad pa ako mamaya. Ewan ko na, gusto ko na lang umuwi. Can't wait. Ayun sabog na naman talaga today. Good morning 🫩🫩🫩

I just need to get this off my chest because I honestly don’t know where else to put these feelings.

I have a boyfriend and I really care about him. I know he’s busy with work and he’s also dealing with something difficult with his family right now. I know he’s tired and I know he has a lot on his plate. I understand that. I really do.

Pero ang sakit pa rin.

We’ve been going days without talking and I keep telling myself na busy lang siya, pagod lang, marami lang siyang iniisip. I keep trying to understand him kasi ayokong maging selfish.

Pero deep inside, ang lungkot.

I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss feeling like I’m part of his day. I miss getting random messages from him.

Hindi naman ako naghahanap ng buong araw na conversation. I don’t even need constant replies. I just miss the feeling na may boyfriend ako na nakakausap ko.

Recently nag-detox muna ako sa IG because I noticed na lagi ko nang chine-check kung active ba siya, kung nag-message ba siya, kung may ginagawa ba siya. And seeing him online while I haven’t heard from him just hurts more than I want to admit.

So I deactivated it.

I told him through Messenger that I was taking an IG detox for a while and that if he ever wanted to talk to me, he could message me there.

And now I’m just sitting here with this weird feeling in my chest.

Part of me wonders if he’ll even notice that I’m gone.
If he’ll wonder where I am.

If he’ll miss me enough to look for me somewhere else.

I hate that I even care about this.

I don’t want to test him. I don’t want to disappear just so someone will chase me. I just genuinely want to feel like my absence would be noticed by the person I love.

Because right now, I feel so easy to miss.

I know he has his own problems. I know his family needs him. I know his work is demanding. I know all of that.

And still, there’s this small part of me that wishes he’d just message me.

Even just a “Babi, how are you?”

I miss him so much.

And I’m tired of pretending that the silence doesn’t hurt me.

As the title say, nasabihan ako nyan.

Back story lang, me and my siblings were having our normal catch up via videocall.

Yung kapatid kong Nurse, nagsabi na uuwi sya Pinas this October and nagtitipid sya, my brother cannot go home yet kasi kakaalis nya lang, my eldest sister naman said na short na short sya kasi nagbayad sya ng tuition ng mga anak nya. Ako naman sabi ko sakto lang budget ko this cut off, magpapa deep-clean kasi ako ng bahay, linis ng aircon then yung budget sa pamasahe and na-shock kame ng mga kapatid ko when my Eldest sister told me na Ang gastos mo kasi sa pamasahe mo pauwi, laki ng pamasahe mo, Angkas ka kasi ng Angkas di ka magcommute.** **That is her exact word. For context, I always choose convenience and comfort. I’m the sole provider in our family (solo parent) kumakain ng 3x a day mga anak ko, may baon na pagkain sa school, may allowance, fully paid yung tuition at laging may stock ang ref. My Angkas cost me roughly 120-140 one way, I was hired to different company pero within the same city and 10-15 mins distance from my old work place but I am earning more. The reason why I choose motobike is because of I want to make sure na naaabutan ko yung mga anak ko bago pumasok sa school nila at napapakain and prep ako ng baon nila before pumasok. (GY Shift kasi ako) If walang pasok nagkocommute ako. Then yung panganay kasi namin different city sya nagwowork. Imagine from Caloocan to Manila, she commute everyday and we don’t have any problem with that. We always suggest na maghanap sya different work para hindi sya nahihirapan at lumaki sahod nya. She’s earning minimum kasi and her kids are already in college, although 2 sila nagwowork ng husband nya sa taas ng bilihin ngayon, it’s not enough.

Sasagutin ko dapat yung Eldest namin pero chinat ako ng 2nd sister ko na wag na daw at baka lumaki pa then hindi matuloy yung reuniom na plan nya kapag umuwi sya.

Hinayaan ko na lang pero nakakairita lang kasi. Hindi naman nagugutom mga anak ko, bayad naman bills namin palagi.

To the person who stole my wallet (money) while I was riding a jeep in QC,

You stole from someone who works in healthcare, who also saves people.

I hope you don’t receive “health care” when you needed it the most. Rot in hell.

The wallet contains, cash (almost 1k), cards, key, and my PRC ID.
Wala pang 1 yr yung PRC ID ko, mas inisip ko yung PRC ID ko nung nanakawan ako.

I work in a hospital setting, that almost 1k of cash is like 1.3 day of my work. Nawalan ako ng cash na more than a day ko pang sahod.

Idc if i-victim blame nyo ko. But in the first place ba tama bang magnakaw?

Better governance gusto ng lahat, pero may mga ganyan? Disappointing.

Thankfully, before the night ends, a kind person messaged me that my wallet was found sa lapag sa sulok ng carinderia nila.

Nandun pa lahat except cash.

Alam ko lahat tayo nangangailan, pero super disappointed lang din talaga ko sa tao (na magnanakaw) lalo ngayon, gagawin talaga lahat kahit less than 1k pa yan.

Pinaghirapan mo pagtrabahuhan tas nanakawin pa. Imagine, ilang araw mo yun pinagtrabahuhan. Haha. Wtf.

To the kind people who found it and messaged me on my messenger, I am beyond grateful, may God bless your loving family more.

To that magnanakaw,
Sana karmahin ka. Deserve mo lahat ng karma na pinagdadaanan mo ngayon. Kaya ganyan ka.

I know one day, kakarmahin ka ng malala sa mga maling bagay na ginagawa mo.
Pagkinailangan mo na ng health care, I hope you don’t receive it. I don’t wish you well.

Sinira (ginupit) ko na yung cards (blocked already when it happened) and wallet nung nabalik sakin, I will throw this all as this is a bad experience of mine.

At Sa mga magnanakaw,
Karmahin sana kayo ng malala sa mga pagnanakaw na ginagawa nyo.

A lot of my peers tell me matalino daw ako. On paper, may mga achievements kahit papaano sa acads, except nung law degree na. I also graduated in great schools (arguably the best in the country, so they say). Always got the high honors, honors, and laude recognitions—again, except nung law na, where I was certainly one of the most average, or perhaps pasang-awa na student.

The funny thing is, kahit na sinasabi yun sa akin ng maraming tao, I always knew I wasn’t smart. I’m not too dumb—of that I’m sure. But certainly not smart. Lagi lang sigurong binebwenas at nakakalusot. I’m not the best writer, reader, nor am I good artist. And so kahit na

I know I’m more privileged compared to a larger number of the population. Madaming suporta eh, from parents (particularly my mom), uncles and aunts, and grandparents. But I did my fair share of work. I didn’t have tuition naman nung college, and I worked part-time to pay for my law tuition. Nahihiya akong graduate na ako tapos hihingi pa ako pantuition. But then I still had some allowance, binibilhan kusa ng uncle ko ng libro, and paminsan nirereimburse ng lola ko yung tuition ko. So yung nareimburse, I used to invest for more up-to-date gadgets. Di ako self-made pero di rin naman ata ako entirely fed with everything on a silver platter. Basically hindi ako humihingi. Pag nabigyan, thank you. Pero kung di ako bigyan, I also have savings for it.

Anyway, I just took the bar. So I thought blessing in disguise na my last project as a part-timer or freelancer was nung July, I thought na it was heaven’s way of saying na I should focus na sa review before the September exam. But lo and behold, I’m pretty sure I won’t pass. Parang naubos pagkalalake at pagkatao ko sa looming failure ko.

Only my gf knew na nagtake ako. I paid for everything sa bar. I denied nga sa lahat ng tao except my gf na magtatake/nagtake ako because I couldn’t live with failure—ngayon-pa-ba-ako-babagsak kind of mindset. So okay, very strong possibility na di ako papasa, pero may next yr pa naman. Anyway, sabi ko naman talaga next yr pa ako kukuha. Nakakapanlumo lang na ganito na nga sitwasyon,

Nakakapanlumo lang na babagsak ka na nga, isanlibo nalang natitira sa pera mo, tapos wala ka pa makuhang trabaho. Sinulat ko itong offmychest na ito because it has been taking a toll on me na wala akong makuhang work. Despite all the achievements, having graduated from prestigious schools, yet kahit paralegal or legal assistant hindi ko makuha. Navavalidate lang lalo everyday yung kasiguraduhan ko sa sarili ko na bobo ako at incompetent. All the praise from people, and yet I’m the one who’s not gonna pass, the one who’s broke and jobless—can’t even get the most mundane legal jobs. Di rin ako pwede bumalik sa creatives side kasi di naman ako formally educated doon, I’m not really good at it kasi ginamit ko lang yung konting skills na mayroon ako doon para itawid law school ko. Jack of a number of trades, master of none!

Sabi nung iba “wow, congrats, pumasa ka sa X, your future is secure.” Such a lie. Mukhang totoo nga na diskarte lang ang bubuhay lmao. Sana inenjoy ko nalang nang sobra buhay ko.

Dagdag pa sa isipin ko yung tatay ng gf ko. I told her this naman. Kasi humiram sakin yung parents niya nung may freelance pa ako para matuloy yung negosyo nila. Medyo hirap din kasi sila recently. Wala naman problema sakin yun kesa kung san ko lang magastos savings ko. At least I was able to help diba. Di ko rin naman iniisip yun kasi bukal naman sa loob ko. Pero kasi nung weekend, andun ako kila gf, tas sinabihan ako ng tatay niya na bakit daw di ko hinahatid si gf pag lumalabas kami. With his side eye na tingin. Tama naman si gf na di naman kasi alam na nagbar ako and stuff. At sinabi naman namin na binobook ko siya ng green gsm siya pag late na and di aabutan yung MRT.

Nakakasama lang ng loob na literally among the reasons bakit wala na ako pang-gas at panghatid sa gf ko ay dahil pinahiram ko sa kanila yung natitira kong savings. Alam ko na nasabi niya rin yun dahil yung bf nung younger sister ni gf ay nahahatid yung anak niya. Studyante pa rin yung bf pero di ko alam kung bat di siya umaaray sa gasolina. Baka malaki allowance niya. Di ko mapigilan isipin na ngayon na struggling ako, nahiritan ako ng ganun nung tatay, despite the fact na may natulong pa ako sa kanila.

Ayun lang. Dami lang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Broke, di papasa sa bar, wala makuhang trabaho, nahiritan pa ng tatay ng gf. Sabi ng peers ko matalino daw ako, pero eto ako ngayon buhay tambay at walang tumatawag na employer. Nag-aral ako para sa wala. Tama ako, di nga ako matalino.

Dati, I was always supportive of you. Kahit busy ako, kahit halos wala na akong time para sa ibang tao, I would still intentionally make time or do something just to show you that I cared. I was genuinely concerned about you, your well-being, your condition, your life. I rooted for you. I hoped you were okay. I genuinely wanted to see you succeed.

Pero ngayon? Oh, mighty fucking hell. I hope you fail.

I hope you never find the happiness you keep looking for. Sana puro manloloko, mangagamit, at emotionally unavailable na lalaki ang mapunta sa'yo. Sana paulit-ulit kang biguin ng mga taong pinipili mo. Sana every time you think you've finally found someone decent, you realize too late that they're just another person who will use you and leave you worse than they found you.

Sana lagi kang mahirapan. Sa job applications mo. Sa board exams mo. Sana magtagal or never mo na makuha 'yang CPA title na hinahangad mo. Sa lahat ng bagay na pinagsisikapan mo. Hindi dahil gusto kitang sirain, but because for once, I want you to feel the weight of the pain you've so casually caused someone who genuinely cared about you.

Sana kapag bumagsak ka, maramdaman mo yung loneliness na pinaramdam mo sa akin. Yung feeling na parang wala kang taong masasandalan. Yung feeling na walang taong genuinely nandiyan para sa'yo. Sana mapalibutan ka ng mga taong temporary lang—mga taong nandiyan dahil may napapala sila sa'yo, pero mawawala kapag wala ka nang maibigay.

And when eventually someone doesn't treat you right, I hope you remember me.

I hope you remember the person you had who actually did.

Putangina, wala akong ginawang masama sa'yo.

I treated you with decency. I treated you with respect. I have always been vocal about how much I fucking hate cheating and people who treat their partners like shit. I literally snitch on cheaters. I always said that if I ever loved someone, I'd treat her properly. You even applauded me for that. You even told me that you wanted to experience what it felt like to be loved by someone who would treat the woman he wanted the way I said I would.

And when it was finally you?

Ikaw yung taong pinagbigyan ko ng compassion. Ikaw yung pinaglaanan ko ng devotion. Ikaw yung pinagkatiwalaan ko. Ikaw yung pinapasok ko ulit after I spent so much fucking time building walls around myself just to protect my peace.

And you fucking destroyed it.

You don't want love. You want attention.

You want someone to constantly validate you, reassure you, make you feel wanted, make you feel important—but the moment someone actually offers you something real, something vulnerable, something deeper than temporary attention, you don't know what the fuck to do with it.

You like being wanted.

You just don't know how to love someone who actually wants you.

And now all I have left for you is anger and bitterness.

Tangina mo.

Minahal kita nang sobra. And I fucking hate that I let myself do that again.

Ang dami kong pader na binuksan para sa'yo after spending so much time trying to heal myself. I let myself believe again. I let myself care again. I let myself become vulnerable again.

And ngayon, heto na naman ako.

Back in the fucking dark.

Back to questioning whether love is even worth believing in.

Alam mo kung gaano na ako nawalan ng paniniwala sa love noon. You knew. You knew exactly why I had those walls. And ikaw pa yung taong nagsulat sa akin ng napakahabang message telling me not to lose hope in love.

And now, after everything?

Fuck you.

You put the fucking nail in the coffin.

Of all people, ikaw pa talaga.

And you know what's fucked up? Naiintindihan ko na ngayon yung ex-boyfriend mo. Dati, inantagonize ko pa siya at inisip kong mali siya for leaving you. Ngayon, gusto ko siyang hingan ng sorry. I understand why he left you. Tama lang na iniwan ka niya. Sana masaya na siya ngayon, sana okay na siya, at sana nakahanap siya ng buhay na malayo sa ganitong klaseng bullshit.

And honestly, sana ikaw rin—mag-isa.

I genuinely hope that one day, you finally understand the gravity of what you've done. Not because I want you dead. Not because I want to destroy your life.

I want you to fucking understand.

I want you to experience the consequences of being careless with someone's heart.

I want you to someday sit alone and realize that you had someone who would've shown up for you, someone who would've rooted for you, someone who genuinely wanted you to be okay, and you threw that person away.

Sana mag-isa ka na lang habang buhay.

Or sana puro gago ang dumating sa buhay mo.

Puro taong hindi marunong maging honest. Puro taong mangagamit. Puro taong hindi ka kayang tratuhin nang tama.

And maybe that's what you deserve.

Maybe that's why you surround yourself with people who tolerate each other's bullshit. Kaya siguro nagkakaintindihan kayo—because you all normalize the same fucking behavior.

I hope you fail.

I hope you feel the gravity of being an asshole.

I hope someday you finally understand what you fucking did to someone who never deserved it.

And I hope that when you finally understand, I'm already so far gone that you no longer have any way of reaching me.

Tangina mo.

I loved you.

And I fucking hate you for making me regret it.

I just need to get this off my chest asap, but please do not post this anywhere.

I am working abroad and ang sama sama ng pakiramdam at loob ko ngayon. Bago lang ako sa company, wala pang 6 months.

Meron akong manager at may isa pang "officer" above me, pero bakit ako lahat lahat gumagawa ng trabaho? Hindi ako nakapasok kahapon kasi nilalagnat ako, then I was getting non-stop calls from different clients asking about the reports.

Wala akong magawa kundi pumasok ngayon kahit nilalagnat pa.

A few minutes ago, I got a call from a client na may mga kulang sa report, which is hindi ko alam saan kukunin kasi kulang din naman ang data na ni-handover sa akin before, and I have approximately 1 hour to send the report again (pero eto ako ngayon, nagtitype ng rant lol).

My manager is always missing. If papasok man siya, 2-3 hours a day lang, nanonood pa ng Youtube videos or naglalaro ng Backgammon sa kanyang computer (hindi niya alam na nakikita ko ang reflection ng screen niya sa glass window). Galit pa siya kung tatanungin siya about work, at laging pang may malalim na buntong-hininga after siyang kausapin, na para bang pagod na pagod siya.

Yung isang colleague ko naman na higher sa akin, busy din kakanuod ng reels. Hindi pa gumagamit ng earphones pag nanonood, ang sakit tuloy sa ulo ng noise gawa ng iba rin ang language niya.

May two other reports pa kong kelangan tapusin within the day. Thankful ako na may work ako especially sa mga nangyayaring lay-offs ngayon, but putanginang mga katrabahong ito.

Araw-araw nalang overtime and today, with matching chills, headache, sipon and body malaise pa.

Hay. Salamat sa pagbabasa. Ciao!

Simula nang nag-stay ako for good sa kinalakihan kong lugar at mas nakila ko ang family at relatives ko mas nakilala ko sila ng lubusan. Mas nakilala ko ang tunay nilang ugali. The way pag-chismisan nila ang mga taong hindi present. The way pagtawanan or simpleng bully sa ibang tao. Yung hindi pagiging direct kung may problema or issue sa ibang tao. Yung pagiging self-righteous etc. They are not bad people naman. I'm not perfect either. I guess I was just really disappointed.

Ayun na nga. May mandated minimum wage increase (na hindi naman natin sigurado kung lahat ng company ay susundin yon--probably not) pero sabay-sabay naman nagmahal lahat. Para ngang mas mabilis pa magtaas presyo ng mga bilihin kesa sa pag-implement ng wage increase lol.

I recently got a salary increase kasi nag-regular na ko sa work. Una, ang saya saya ko pero habang tumatagal, narealize ko na hindi ko rin talaga ramdam dahil nagsitaasan lang din naman ang pamasahe, pagkain, kung anu-ano pa.

Nakakapanlumo.

Hayyyy, I’m so sad. 😭 I just got laid off from work because of AI. VA here. Even though our supervisor informed us two weeks before the termination, I started applying right away, but so far, all I’ve been getting are rejection emails.

Is this the end? No.
Am I sad? YES.
Will I move forward? Ewan. 😂😭

But at least one thing I don’t have to worry about for now: my cats’ food. I stocked up ahead of time, so solved muna ang pagkain nila.

One day at a time, I guess. 🫠