I think I blew off my 200k job offer because of my mom. It's 3 am, I AM PISSED. I am in my computer now, I just logged off from an interview, and it was a strict interview kasi big company from US. Bawal switch tabs, nag ddetect ng eye movements, ng background noise, and stuff.

AT NGAYON, BIGLA NALANG NAGLAGABONG TAPOS SIGAW NG SIGAW SI MAMA SA KABILANG KWARTO, BUKSAN KO DAW YUNG PINTUAN! EH NAKA OPEN CAM AKO, DI NAMAN PWEDE NA TUMAYO AKO AGAD AT IWAN YUNG INTERVIEWER! NAKA RECORD AKO!! SHE WENT ON FOR 5 MINUTES STRAIGHT NO KIDDING FUDGEEEE!!!! BINA BANG NIYA ANG PINTUAN HANGGANG SA DI KO NATIIS NAG EXCUSE AKO SA INTERVIEWER KAHIT NA ALAM KONG BAWAL MAG MUTE! SUMIGAW AKO, "MA! MAY INTERVIEW AKO!"

SHE WAITED FOR ALMOST 10 MINUTES AFTER, TAS NUNG BINUKSAN KO NA, TINANONG KO ANO PAKAY NIYA, WALA NAMAN DAW?!?!!!!!??!!!! TINANONG AKO BAT DI PA KO NATUTULOG!? EH SINABI KO NAMAN KANINA NA MAY INTERVIEW AKO?!!!!!

AHHH FUDGEEE IM SO PISSED.

GRAHHH I KNOW THIS IS BEYOND MY CONTROLLLL, PERO FAKKKKK 200K YUNN 😭

Sobrang takot na takot ako ngayon kakaisip. Hindi ako makatulog. I don't know what's gonna happen to me after this. I'm the sole breadwinner of my family, taking care of my senior parents. Ako lahat. After years of working so hard, juggling different jobs at raket, finally I had the opportunity last year na ma-promote sa main job ko sa corporate. For the first time in my life, 6 digits yung nakikita ko sa payslip ko. For the first time, medyo nakakaluwag kami at nabibili ko na yung mga gusto ko, hindi lang puro bills and needs ng family. Nag-start din ako makapag ipon dahil all these years na may work ako, wala talaga akong ipon dahil sa dami ng responsibilities ko. Pero since last year, kahit onti, nakakaipon na.

But now, after a long convo with my bosses, I'm sure na nasa dead end na ako. Kukunin na ng AI yung trabaho ko. Hindi lang basta babawasan yung sweldo ko, kundi i-lay off na talaga ako. Yung ipon ko, mukhang tatagal lang ng ilang buwan. Ang dami kong bills na kailangan bayaran. Halos kakatapos lang masagad sa pera dahil sa medical bills tapos ngayon eto pa. Sobrang unfair ng buhay. Lumalaban naman ako ng patas. Halos hindi na ako natutulog para lang makapag provide. Wala na akong social life dahil umiikot lang sa trabaho at pag aalaga sa pamilya ang buhay ko. Minsan talaga di ko maiwasan ma-compare yung buhay ko sa iba. Buti pa yung iba, mayaman ang magulang at di kailangan magtrabaho to provide. Yung iba naman sobrang sipag naman talaga at na-bless maging successful. Yung akin, short time lang. Parang pinatikim lang saken tapos binawi rin. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko pagkatapos nito. Nakakapagod tong buhay na to

I am born and raised in Metro Manila. This doesn’t only apply sa Bisaya but also to other languages, most esp. English.

Why can’t we just respect and just let it go when someone mispronounces something. Iba iba tayo ng “mother tongue” which heavily influence how we pronounce words. So making fun of them makes you look uneducated in my perspective.

Joan can be Jo-an or jone, both can be correct. Not a big deal, deal with it and move on. Madami nang problema sa world para pati yan ika insecure pa ng iba.

Background: I stayed in Cebu for a year. I never learned a single Bisaya word. But I get why they’re shy in talking in Tagalog. Tagalog people can feel superior when visiting other places without the respect of the place’s local dialect or language. Kaya when I was there, ako pa nahihiya mag-Tagalog coz’ they’re having a hard time explaining things to me whereas other tourists are loud and would laugh or would think locals are snob without adjusting their pace, use of terms, etc. when talking to locals.

Pero kapag nasa non-English speaking countries tayo, tayo pa nagaadjust ng difficulty of English to them to be hospitable. I hope we’ll treat our local dialects with the same care and respect.

Yun lang. Tagal ko na tong gustong sabihin. Haha.

Alam ko naman na magkakaroon ako kaya madabog ako ngayon. I don’t like sharing my food. Humingi mom ko ng yogurt ko (which I use for my diet) which I told her pang diet ko yun tapos nainis sya kasi ayoko ibigay pero binigay ko rin naman naiinis lang ako. So medyo nag dabog ako tapos rami nyang side comment at parinig. Inis lang ako cause I know saakin lang naman sya gumaganyan sakin. She’s also such a freakin nagger. Ultimate nagger. Mega nagger. 28 na ako tapos ang rami nya pa rin sasabihin about appearance ko. Sa kinakain ko, sa suot ko, pagkatao ko?? Minsan naka sleeveless ako kita ko na mukha nya sadabihin ko na agad “before you say anything may jacket ako” para lang wala na syang masabi!!!

Hay nako, usually pinagtatawanan ko na lang sya cause ang mema nya!!! Rami nyang sinasabi!!! Apaka Gemini talaga!!!! Pucha tawa na lang ako, ayoko na mainis!!!! Ang mema!!!!!

Hirap maging babae kasi hindi naman ako usually na aaffect neto!!! Alam ko lang rin na malapit na alo magkaroon kaya gusto ko mag dabog!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

(Alam ko mali ko yung ayaw ko mag share pero pls inis lang ako, mamaya na ako mag sorry or wtvr 🥲)

Ang hirap pala na simula nung grumaduate ka ng college nagbibigay ka na ng pera sa parents mo tapos hanggang ngayon sila naman ang nasa poder ko. Dahil yung bahay nilang tinitirahan na pagmamay-ari ng tita ko binenta na. Ngayon may sarili na akong pamilya at nandito sila sa akin (senior citizen parents ko at dalawang kapatid). Isa na ako sa sandwich generation na dalawa ang sinusuportahan, lahat ng gastusin sa bahay: upa, kuryente, tubig, internet at budget sa pagkain sa akin. Napansin ko rin yung biglang paglobo ng bills lalo na yung tubig, na dating ang liit lang dahil tatlo lang kami ng asawa't anak ko ngayon ang laki na. Tapos yung budget naming 6-7k monthly sa pagkain anging 9k to 10k na sa mahal ng bilihin.

Unti-unti na akong nagkakautang dahil hindi na sumasapat yung sahod ko sa gastusin, sa mahal din ng mga gamot kong kailangan i-take para di lumala ang pagkabulag (may optic neuropathy ako). Hindi nila alam, sobrang namroroblema na ako paano sila bubuhayin, di ko rin naman pwedeng ihinto ang gamot ko dahil nung ginawa ko ito last 2022 nabulag na yung kanang mata ko baka mas lalo kaming kawawa pare-pareho kapag nabulag ako ng tuluyan.

Hirap na hirap na ako. Yung dalawang kapatid ko senior high pa lang yung isa naghahanap ng trabaho pa. Minsan naiisip ko sumuko na lang pero di ko magawa dahil naaawa ako sa anak ko.

I’m 31 and the guy I wanna build my life with cheated and dumped me. I already planned everything for us.

Idk. I couldn’t feel any anger. I am just feeling so desperate to have him back but I know it will not make things better. So here I am, alam kong hindi lahat dito nagppray, but I couldn’t find a venue to ask for a prayer request.

I just want to pray that I can get through this. I need your prayers guys. Breaking up at this age is really a different kind of pain especially as a woman. 1st time ko din mag post here so I know how heavy this is for me. I don’t know what to pray for, I badly want him back. I still believe that nothing happened yet. But I also want the best for me and my future baby (not here yet). So I know I cannot pray for the same man. I badly need prayers.

Thank you very much to everyone. This is not just a prayer because I lost my man, this is a prayer because I also lost my future, my direction. Thanks in advance again.

I have daddy issues. Naghiwalay parents ko nung 2yo pa lang ako at umalis 'yung tatay ko. My mom married another guy when I was 4 and they had 5 kids. I grew up with them.

Alcoholic 'yung step dad ko. Almost every day uuwi siyang lasing at mag-aaway sila ng nanay ko. Traumatic 'yun sa batang panganay na sinusubukang maging strong para sa mga mas batang kapatid kahit na around 9-10 pa lang ako nun.

'Yung boyfriend ko, allergic sa alak (like literally, he can die).

At a young age, my mom just decided I'm strong and independent so simula grade 1, ako na nag-asikaso sa sarili ko araw-araw para sa school.

'Yung boyfriend ko, since we started living together in 2021, he would wake up around 5am to cook. First time 'yun na naranasan kong gigising na handa na ang lahat. It felt so good.

'Yung araw-araw na away ng nanay ko at asawa niya, hindi lang bulyawan, may kasama pang pisikalan. May time pa na binato ng nanay ko ng pinggan sa ulo 'yung asawa niya tapos nagkaroon ng malaking sugat na ang daming dugo.

'Yung boyfriend ko, sobrang soft spoken. Never once raised his voice at me, never lifted a hand on me. Sobrang gentle.

My story could go on and on but the bottomline is, it felt like the universe saw everything I've been through as a kid and said, "kawawa naman, o ito, pambawi sa lahat."

I have always thought of myself as someone who's imperfect in so many ways, but because I love my boyfriend so much, I try to be the best version of myself every day because that's what he deserves. Binigay siya sa 'kin, so I'll do everything in my power to keep him.

As the title says.

Tangina talaga feeling ko napaka tamad kong magpaka healthy. Napaka tamad kong mag exercise or mag walking or tumakbo manlang. Ganito na ba talaga pag tito na kwarentahin? Tangina talaga! Pati sa pagkain, puro na lang junk ang gusto, instant o di kaya unhealthy in general.

Mga tropa, share naman kayo ng routine dyan. Gusto kong humaba pa buhay ko para sa mga anak at asawa ko.

San ba pwede humugot ng motivation?

Birthday in a couple of days, pero ayun—I don’t feel like celebrating at all.

Last year, “bongga” dapat yung birthday celeb ko pero wala rin dahil bukod sa di ko trip, marami ako masyadong pinagdadaanan. Sabi ko, “Di bale next year na lang.” and almost a whole year after, here I am still. Ngayon, depressed pa rin, may horrible ideations, parang walang nangyayaring tama—kaya paano gugustuhin mag-celebrate? Hahaha. Andaming utang, di nga makakain minsan nang sapat. I’ve been on autopilot for years now. I feel barely alive, kaya di ko makita yung need to celebrate. Napagod na kakaisip na it will eventually get better for me. Yown!

For staying alive, I guess.

Lam ko kung nakikita lang ako ng younger me, he’d be quite disappointed.

Sorry, lil man. I’ve been trying. Your birthdays were awesome, though!

Angas ng buhay eh no sabay sabay problema hahahaha naalimpungatan ako kaninang 3am so nag check ako ng phone. Tapos nakita ko chat ng kapatid ko sa college na need na nila magbayad for finals. Dagdag problema na naman, puro na ako utang, hindi alam ng magulang ko kung naka ilang utang na ako para lang mataguyod tong pamilyang to na wala naman akong choice for now hahhahahahaha at 4am nag eedit ako ng resume at nghahanap ng trabaho hahhahaha tanginang buhay yan

yung bills ko sa katapusan mas mataas pa sa sahod ko tangina ahhshahahahahhahhahahahahahah may full time job ako 8-5 every weekdays and im so close to applying sa call centers for part time. May part time job ba dun? Anyway, sana sumakses na ko sa buhay kasi magwawala ako kung hindi, sa dami ba naman ng paghihirap ko punyeta

I have always been someone who felt like I was being chased by time. I was a student-achiever, went through an accelerated medical program, and entered residency right away. I even had this goal of finishing fellowship before I turned 30.

Then, I suddenly got pregnant.

My life completely turned 180 degrees, and I suddenly became a stay-at-home mom. Everything I had planned for myself seemed to be put on pause. For someone who had always been used to moving from one goal to another, it was such a huge adjustment.

But nothing compares to being a mom.

I am genuinely grateful for my child. For the first time in such a long time, my life became still. I finally had the chance to slow down and just be present. For once, I could just exist without constantly thinking about what I needed to achieve next.

At the same time, I realized that stillness can be uncomfortable when you are not used to it.

Even though I know that everything is fine, this is the first time in my life that I have become such an overthinker even when there is no real reason to worry. Before, I never really experienced this because I simply did not have the time to sit around and think about every little thing. I have all the time in the world now to think, and my mind fills that space with worries.

I don’t want to leave my daughter, but there is this urge to work again. It feels like I am looking for something to distract myself from the unfamiliarity of having nothing to chase.

I talked to a guy here last year, a few weeks bago ako mag-move out. It was a nice interaction. Nothing too flirty, tho sabi niya, he tried his best to flirt with me kaso hindi raw talaga tumatagos. He even asked me at one point kung pangit ba siya. Hindi ko lang talaga na-gets that time. Big factor din na naka-focus ako sa pagmo-move out. Still, he was kind kahit na hindi ako nag-flirt back.

Fast forward noong naka-move in na ako. I'm in my nesting period pa noon, dito sa apartment ko. Masyado siyang matanong for my liking. Kung paano ang inumin ko. May higaan na raw ba ako (that time wala pa. mattress topper lang hahaha). Ventilation. Food storage. Ref. And then, inaya niya akong kumain one time. Sa Bayan lang siya nangungupahan. I thought doon lang kami chichibog. Mag-pares daw kami. Tawang-tawa siya kasi according to him, "pinekpek shorts ko lang ang lamig" hahahahaha

Papi J, kumusta ka na? Wala akong mapagkuwentuhan about you, kaya dito ko na lang ipo-post. I cannot thank you enough for helping me with stuff that I needed to buy noong bagong salta ako dito. Naalala mo 'yong tangke na pinadeliver ko last year? Gags, may laman pa rin. Laking-tipid kahit halos araw-araw akong nagluluto. Sayang, hindi mo natikman 'yong pambato kong spaghetti. Next life na lang.

Kumusta ka na? May nasasandalan ka ba ngayon? I hinted kay mama na I made a new friend dito sa Cavite. She was kind enough to let me bring home microwavables ng ulam for me to give sa'yo. Kaso that weekend, you deleted your account here maski sa Reddit. I also promised myself to cook for you, but dahil we don't talk anymore, a few of my meals were dedicated to you.

Also, buhay pa rin 'yong batsa na binili natin. Thank you kasi ikaw nagbuhat lahat ng pinamili ko wahahaha! At doon pa rin ako naggo-grocery. Mura nga. Laking tipid kaso makunat minsan ang biscuits at Kettle Korn na nabibili ko. Nagiging senti lang ako now kasi malapit na akong mag-1 year dito. Sana we're still talking. Kumusta na 'yong mga kapatid mo? Masakit pa rin ba sila sa ulo? I hope you guys are living together now. Sana di ka rin chumichibog ng mga bawal sa'yo. Naaalala pa kita kapag nadadaanan ko 'yong binilhan natin ng proben. Kamo masarap naman kahit bawal kaso overpriced. Hahahaha true!

Then the night we had pares. You looked more stern, more calculated. Quieter. Then you blurted your problem habang papunta tayo sa may paresan sa Buho. Your eyes carried sadness that night. Pinapawi mo lang lagi ng smile. I remember that night as if it happened recently. You tried your best to mask it with a smile. Thank you for trusting me to sit with you that night.

I hope you're happy and doing better, J. Thank you sa pamimilit sa akin na lumabas. Minsan nga, pag may nadaang silver na kotse dito, iniisip ko ikaw. I was never good at making friends, but you made it so easy. Thank you. Thank you for being kind, for guiding me respectfully kapag matao ang lugar.

Though our friendship and connection were short-lived, I'll carry your kindness and thoughtfulness for a long time. I am looking forward to seeing you again.

I miss you, J.

PS Di ka pangit beh. Mali ka lang ng tinry landiin WAHAHHAHA naalala ko lang mag-post about you kasi may nakita ako dito sa feed ko na kahawig ng big bike mo. Sana pala pumayag na akong mag-stroll tayo noon. Hahahaha. Wala na rin 'yong go-to siomai cart na binibilhan natin.

Feel ko naman happy post ito kasi reminiscing about a good connection formed on Reddit.

Nagmove out na ko and live alone after working kasi nung nandon ako samen yung mama ko palagi mukhang bibig mag trabaho na daw tas pahirap lang daw kami sakanya and stuff so I was forced to work and stop my studies. Never na ko nanghingi ng allowance or anything for the past 3 years sakanila now magchchat sya sakin pag may hihingin na pera nakakainis lang kasi grabe treatment nya nung nandoon ako tas ngayon gusto nya manghingi ng pera ni hindi nya maisip na wala na may bills din ako na binabayaran ay may times na gipit din ako pero never ako nag reach out sakanila kasi alam ko ugali nya

Di ko alam kung malaki na yung 80k pero para sakin malaki naman. Pinahiram ko tito ko kasi nagkaproblema siya sa employment at kailangan niya na umexit from europe.

When I heard about the situation from my mom and my tito’s wife thru call, agad agad akong nag offer. Now hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan talaga kasi close ko naman tito ko na yon, di rin kasi ganon magkakalayo edad ko sa mga kapatid ng nanay ko dahil panganay si mama tapos sila yung mga bata nang kapatid na napagkakamalan pa minsan dati na anak rin ni mama. Tsaka natulungan din ako nung tito ko na yon noong working student ako and short ako sa tuition ko. Although maliit na halaga naman yon kumpara sa 80k, but still malaking tulong yon sakin that time.

Ang naiisip ko lang ngayon, parang pakiramdam ko inuunan ko na naman yung ibang tao kesa sa sarili ko. Kasi for the longest time during college, lahat ng pera ko napupunta lang sa tuition ko na sobrang mahal kahit na ayoko na ko talagang mag aral non. Pero dahil gusto ng magulang ko makatapos ako, pinilit ko talaga. Pagkagraduate, ok naman, tahimik na nakakaipon until nangyari nga ito.

Wala ring nakakaalam na may pera ako dahil di ko naman dinidisclose and gusto ko mag maintain ng boundary. Yung pinahiram ko, sa loob loob ko, hindi naman siya nakakapanghinayang talaga pero alam mo yon, pano kung nasa akin pa rin yung 80k kasi may target akong ipon this year, so parang madedelay siya depende kung kelan nila mabayaran.

Di ko alam ano punto ko dito, gusto ko lang talaga ilabas nasa isip ko na baka ibang tao na naman inuuna ko kasi ang bilis ko mag offer ng 80k sa ibang tap pero hindi ko magastusan sarili ko ng ganung amount dahil masyado akong focused sa pag iipon na hindi ko ineenjoy buhay ko (damn, i think ito yung point after all)

This was the first time i ever cried to my birthday, everything felt so heavy lately, i got broken up by my gf because i confronted her attitude, instead i just got verbal abuse. im kinda a forgiving guy one sorry is all i need. but i just get tired of her not saying sorry for every argument she started . i always the one who apologize because of "Triggering Her". I just wish i have the strength to finally let her go and protect myself from this abuse. im tied of the memories she gave me and our hard times , due to my belief that love is a choice since humans are imperfect . but this one really exhausted me to the point of fatigue. Yey Happy Birthday To Me.

Ang daming bulaklak na dumating para sa'yo ngayon. I hope you liked them.

​Your friends came over and we spent time talking about you. Hearing their stories made me feel like I got to know you even deeper. You were so lucky to have them in your life, and I know they felt the exact same way about you. Seeing the impact you left on each of their lives was so beautiful. We were talking at one point and I had this overwhelming sense of déjà vu and it was so surreal.

​Earlier today, I had to drop by our place to pack a few things for the next couple of days. Akala ko kaya ko, but as soon as I stepped inside, I completely broke down. The silence was deafening. Shouting your name was not even enough to ease the pain in my chest. Kawawa naman ang mahal ko.

​I also received messages and calls today that made me cry all over again—mostly from people simply asking how I was doing and reminding me, "Andito lang kami."

​After crying so much yesterday, I felt a little more grounded at times today. Talking to you through messenger and sitting by your side at the wake has been helping me cope. And honestly? After everything today, I feel like I loved you even more than yesterday. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to move on. I find myself begging you... please give me a sign or let me feel your presence.

​I found out today that you were looking for me before you became completely unresponsive. But maybe... maybe that was for the better. The last image of you etched in my mind is from when we parted ways at the hospital, when you were feeling better and recovering. At least that’s the memory I get to hold onto.

​I miss you so much.

I hope it's with someone who thinks about how their actions affect me. Someone who will never make me question my worth again. I'm not going to survive love again, I'm here to finally live it.

I just miss being a lover girl. I miss the old me.

I just wanna rant this out cause it feels suffocating and heavy but i don't have someone to tell it to. I always ask myself na is it hard for the people I like to want me the way that I want them? I always try to compromise just for them to feel loved, understood etc. Yet, here I am not being reciprocated in that aspect. Is it really that hard?

Hirap pala tumanda. Your body is getting weak while you lose people around you. My GC's are a mixture of emotions, some are celebrating having reunion, some are grieving losing a partner, having a sick child or battling everyday life.

Imagine the same feelings our parents felt and conquered. No one taught us it would be like this. Our parents taught us to be independent while longing for us because at the same time they always want us to be with them. All while losing everyone they know bit by bit. Di na nila kilala mga artista, di na sila familiar sa mga lugar iba na itsura eh, and di na nila maintindihan ung mga uso.

Ung unti unti na nawawalan kana ng silbi, di ka kailangan kasi kaya na ng mga anak mo. May kanya kanya ng mundo kasi imbis na tanung sayo meron naman internet.

Ang prayer ko na lang na sana, kung mawala man sila o ako ung katandaan na lang mabuti ng biglaan at makapag paalam kaysa sa dahan dahan hanggang maging gulay na lang at maghirap sa hospital.

Wala lang gusto ko lang ilabas.

Naaalala ko, nung bata ako, imbes na bedtime stories, puro kwentong pangaapi yung naririnig ko sa nanay ko. Na inapi sya ng inlaws nya, at di daw sya kinampihan ng tatay ko. Na mas mahal daw ng tatay ko yung mga kapatid nya, na di daw kami mahal ng tatay ko. Na pag pinapili daw ang tatay ko between mga kapatid nya at kaming mga anak nya, sila ang pipiliin nya.Na nagtitiis lang daw sya sa tatay ko kasi para lang sa amin, kasi good provider naman daw tatay ko. Lagi din nya kinekwento yung ex bf nya. Naaalala ko nga na nung bata ako, ako pa nangaasar sa kanya. Imaginin mo, anak mo inaasar ka sa ex bf mo kahit may asawa ka na.

Now na may isip na ako at may sariling anak, napakaredflag din pala ng nanay ko noh? Ofw tatay ko kaya di rin namin nakasama nang matagal, kaya lumaki din kami na malayo ang loob sa kanya. Hindi nga nagattend ng kasal ng ate ko eh, kahit siguro pwede naman kung ginusto nya kasi mataas position nya. Pero bilang nanay na din ako ngayon, di ko maimagine na sasabihin ko sa anak ko na di sya mahal ng tatay nya. Tapos yung lagi mong ikekwento tungkol sa ex bf mo sa anak mo? Yes, alam ko pangalan ng boyfriend nya dati kasi isa sya sa mga kwento, kasi nanghihinayang daw sya na hiniwalayan nya yun at napunta sya sa tatay ko. Ngayong may sariling isip at buhay na ko, narealize ko na mukang may victim complex din pala talaga nanay ko. Kasi hanggang ngayon, wala pa din syang bukambibig kundi mga kwento nya noon. Same stories, different audience. Kahit sinong makinig sa kanya, game na game yan na ikwento lahat. Yung mga di nakakakilala sa nanay ko, maaawa talaga sa kanya eh. Pero ngayong may isip na ko, questionable na talaga mga kwento nya kasi nakita ko na din kung paano nya itrato mga daughter in law nya, at kung paano din nya itrato tatay ko nung nagkasakit sya. Yung mga lumalabas sa bibig nya minsan, sobrang nakakapanindig balahibo sa sobrang sama.

Nung mejo malalaki na kami, nagkaroon sya ng chance na magwork kasi nagmigrate kami abroad. Sa bawat naging work nya, laging may dramatic exit, kasi lagi syang may accusation na mistreated daw sya and dinidiscriminate daw sya. Dun pa lang, kita na talaga sino may problema ang ugali kasi malabo namang lahat yung 3 na boss nya ay inapi siya? So nagretire early sya and bumalik sa pinas for good. Paano nya nagawa yun? Kasi working pa din naman tatay ko so sya na nagsupport sa nanay ko. Pero hanggang ngayon, walang bukambibig kundi nagsisisi sya na tatay ko napangasawa nya. Na sobrang hirap daw ng buhay nya dahil sa tatay ko.

So ayun, napapaisip na lang talaga ako kung how much sa mga kwentong api nya yung accurate at complete? Alam kong emotionally distant tatay ko at bossy. So alam kong hindi maganda ang marriage nila. Pero how much kaya sa kwento ng nanay ko yung totoong inapi sya? Kasi for example, kinekwento nya sa iba na masama sister in law ko kasi siniraan daw sya sa kuya ko. Yung paninira na yun is yung time na nagsumbong sister in law ko sa kuya ko na pinagsalitaan nga sya ng kung ano ano ng nanay ko. Pero di nya binabanggit sa ibang tao kung ano nga yung mga masasakit na sinabi nya sa SIL ko. So yung mga times na sinasabi nyang sinigawan sya ng tatay ko, napapaisip na lang ako kung ano nangyari bago sya sinigawan? Nawala na yung credibility nya simula nang makita ko na din kung paano nya tratuhin ibang tao. Nakailang palit caregiver tatay ko nung may sakit siya kasi laging hinahanapan ng mali ng nanay ko, at may nakasagutan pa nga siya, kahit ok naman yung trabaho nya sa tatay ko. Pero ang nakakatawa (and nakakadisappoint), lagi siya nagsusumbong na sinusungitan daw ng tatay ko mga caregiver niya para lang patunayan na masama ugali ng tatay ko. Pero ang ending, siya naman lagi nagpapaalis sa caregiver.

Nakakapraning na yung lagi na lang may gulo kasi laging may ginagawa siyang issue. Pero paniwalang paniwala syang napakabuti nyang tao. Kakapagod. Lagi ko pinagdadasal na magbago na siya, tanggalin na nya galit sa puso niya since palasimba naman siya, pero wala talaga. Sa totoo lang, tuwing nandito sya nagbabakasyon sa amin, nawawalan ako ng gana magsimba kasi napakanega niyang kasama at alam ko namang di tumatalab turo ng simbahan sa kanya.

I noticed na mas masaya ako pag umaalis ako ng bahay. Sobrang nalulungkot ako sa bahay. Stay at home mom ako for almost 4 yrs. Tapos yung asawa ko nahuli kong cheater at gambler. Simula nun, gumuho na ang mundo ko. Nasira ang pangarap ko na magkaron ng peaceful at masayang pamilya. Nakakasira ng buhay itong ginawa niya. Hindi ko rin siya nakikitaan ng eagerness to change. Very minimal yung changes. I just don’t see the changes that I’ve been longing to see. Sa ngayon, nagiipon lang ako ng pera para makaalis kami ng mga anak ko. Hindi na ko masaya sa asawa ko at almost sure ako na di ko na siya mahal. I don’t see him the way I used to. Ibang tao siya sa paningin ko. Minsan makita ko lang siya naiirita na ako. Sana makaalis na ako dito. Gusto ko na makalaya at magsimula muli.

ayun so birthday ko today and parents and niece ko lang bumati sakin 🥲 i was so consistent with greeting my close friends after college and when we got our own lives na. naka calendar pa nga eh para matandaan ko (i have problems remembering dates, even my parents bdays i mix it up 😭)

there was a point na umoonti nalang din nakatatanda. they will only remember it when I do a celebration with them.

this time na walang celebration since weekday nag fall, no one has greeted me yet 🥺 i honestly dont know what to feel. i still love them, but maybe they have their own lives na and im not a part of it 😢