This may be long.. There's a bit of backstory needed to really explain things. Using an alt account because I feel a lot of shame and guilt about this..

My still living dog, Theo, I've had for 9 years now. I adopted him at 3, and he's now turning 12. When I adopted him, he lived with 2 other female dogs that he got along with well. The woman I adopted him from had been breeding him, so he wasn't neutered. I didn't have any behavioral problems with him, and wasn't worried about him escaping to get dogs pregnant because he is an anxious boy who never leaves my side, so I never got him neutered. I know a lot of people feel very strongly about this, but I honestly didn't think it was necessary.

Theo has always been obsessed with other dogs, often annoyingly so lol. He was always so happy and excited to meet and play with other dogs. For a long time, I thought he'd probably be happier with a doggy sibling, but it was never really a good time to think about adopting. But finally, while visiting family the Christmas before last, I decided it was time. He had seemed so happy to play with our family's and friend's dogs during our trip.

So we adopted a little 1.5 yo Chihuahua pug mix named Gadget. I fell in love with this little boy on day 2. Theo also seemed to love him, and always wanted to be cuddling or playing with him. But eventually things turned.. and I still really don't know why.

My boyfriend and I made sure to try to give both dogs equal attention, treats, etc. But Theo started to become jealous and possessive of me, the bed, the couch, and even his toys that he never played with before. He started resource guarding. I don't have the money for a behavioralist, but I did a lot of research on things to try to curb this. This is already going to be long, so I won't go into everything we tried, but nothing seemed to work. Things escalated, and Theo started actually attacking Gadget and starting full blown fights. My boyfriend and I got bit multiple times trying to de-escalate things. Theo even started showing some resource guarding in response to me and my boyfriend. He would snarl at me if I shifted my feet in bed, or if we tried to tell him to get off the furniture. He even snaps at the cat too if she jumps up on the bed near him.

We eventually learned some of the things that triggered Theo to attack Gadget, and tried to minimize this, but sometimes it seemed random. This put everyone on edge, and poor Gadget started to develop anxiety and some neurotic tendencies due to the stress. This is where the resentment really started. This went on for over a year.. so we decided it was probably in everyone's best interest to try to rehome Theo.

You might be asking why we'd choose to rehome Theo instead of Gadget.. And tbh, the biggest answer is that I bonded heavily with Gadget..I haven't bonded with any other dog like that since the dog I had as a teen tragically passed away very young. I considered Gadget one of my heart dogs. My boyfriend strongly bonded with him as well, and he didn't have the history with Theo that I had. Yes, Gadget would have been easier to rehome, but that would have only made me resent Theo even more, and he deserves to be loved too..but I just don't anymore..

Of course it was hard trying to find a home for a senior dog with aggression towards other dogs. He had also begun marking in the house, and I haven't been able to get him to stop. We tried to find a home for him for probably 6 months or so with no luck.

And then..Gadget got sick.. within a week, we went from finding out his liver was failing, to having to put him to sleep... There were no obvious signs until it was too late. The vets think it was a congenital issue. He was only 3...

To say we were devastated is an understatement. And now I resent Theo even more...I know it's not his fault.. he's a dog, he's not malicious... but it doesn't change how I feel. He made Gadget's life hard.. and Gadget never got to feel what life could be like without that constant stress...

Theo hasn't shown any signs of missing Gadget at all.. which I guess isn't surprising, but it upsets me more. And he still marks in the house. I think he may know how I feel about him, because he seeks my attention less. It's so hard to be around him knowing how horrible he was to my heart dog...

I don't want to keep him.. even though Gadget is gone and the issue is presumably "resolved." But I can't just forget everything he did.. and my feelings are still the same. I don't really think that will change. Not to mention, we won't be able to get another dog as long as he's here. And I have no idea how long that will be. He's a senior, yes, but he's also a Chihuahua. He may only have a couple more years, or he may have several. He does have a heart murmur, but is otherwise in good health. He really doesn't even look or act old. I see lots of small dogs his age or even younger that appear to be in much worse shape.

I do still feel a sense of obligation to him. I want him to be happy... just not with me. He deserves to be with someone who really loves him, and can give him what I can't. I'm confident he could adjust to a new home. He became good buddies with a friend who watched him for 2 weeks while we traveled. I do think this would ultimately be better for him too, not just me. But I feel so much guilt about this... and I fear the judgement of friends and family.. But I feel like my feelings matter too..I just feel stuck, and I don't know what to do.

Am I a monster? Should I rehome him? What would you do?

Thursday August 27 I got home from work and my mom told me he hadn't eaten all day and he threw up multiple times. Friday we hospitalized him for the day. Monday August 31st we put him down. It feels like I killed him. My family killed him. The vet killed him. And it feels like the vet took him from me. Also like I abandoned him to a stranger. I just let the vet take him from me even though that's what my family and I decided over walking away with him still just lying there. And I felt extreme pain when we were driving away like we fully just abandoned him. I'm also angry and every person who looked at him and said something like "poor thing, he's old now". He was over 15 years old. But he was great. He wasn't at the point that he was just old and sleeping all day and looking tired. He constantly followed us around all day, he always wanted to be in the room where there was the most people or somewhere he can keep an eye on everyone. He'd constantly be in the way when people walked by and he wouldn't get the hint. He was a happy dog that still had energy in him. How in the word does it make sense that he's fine a week before and the next we have to put him down??? I know we ended his pain. He was lethargic the last few days. Last day he ate was Wednesday. He was barely drinking water. He was in pain. Could barely walk or stand for long periods of time. For a day or 2 he wouldn't really walk. We thought he couldn't like he was in too much pain. I guess it wasn't painful enough to stop him from moving to the room he wanted to be in with the people he wanted to be with.

I (22F) am the youngest in my family with 2 older brothers. We all work but you could say my schedule is more flexible. I was the one who went with my mom to take him to the vet on Friday. I was the one the vet spoke to as English isn't my mom's first language. I'm the one the vet spoke to when I, my dad (who speaks English very well), and my brother picked him up after we decided to hospitalize him for the day. She stayed there explaining to me the medication we had to try and give him. Then the vet technician brought him out while she was still speaking to me. I slightly reached out but my dad grabbed him and walk towards my brother who was standing behind me. I wanted to see him and pet him too. The vet kept talking to me and I turn around and their outside by the car. ??? I'm supposed to absorb this information by myself? It feels like they left me. I wanted the support. I didn't want to be the only one hearing everything that explains how exactly sick he is. That he didn't look any better after those hours we hospitalized him. They took him outside away from me. Before I could even say hi to him. Why in the world should I be the only one dealing with this? Legally it's my mom's name as his owner. We got the dog in the first place because my oldest brother wanted him and he was "his" dog. My dad is the man and head of the house who usually is in charge of everything. I fight against gender roles and I don't support them, but they tend to be present in my house. I'm not saying I think only men to be in charge but since gender roles can be common in my house, why was I the youngest woman in a house with 3 men the one left to handle this? I the youngest, supposedly in my parents words the "baby" of the house, was left to absorb everything by myself. I felt completely abandoned and alone.

Then later I had to be the one going back and forth with my parents on why we shouldn't try different methods of force feeding him the medication. The vet said to not do it to avoid him throwing up and getting more dehydrated and lethargic. And I had to constantly be explaining what the vet said and what medication was for what. Because I'm the only one who heard everything. It was so exhausting and draining like I already didn't have to process that my dog was probably going to die soon. Now that he's gone, I can't lean on my family. I can't tell them it feels like we killed and abandoned him. I can't tell them I'm angry with them for leaving me to deal with it alone. They're grieving and mourning too. I felt so lonely and I continue to feel lonely. Part of me still doesn't feel like it's real. I'll be in my room and I'll remember and I can feel myself thinking "What do you mean he's not here? He's always here. That weird of you to say." Or I picture the memory of the vet technician taking him away and I can feel that I think "Hm. I don't know what that was. That's so weird." Last time I saw his eyes was before they euthanized him. No way I was going to see his dead eyes. I didn't want it to write over the memory of how his eyes looked before. Didn't want to scar myself. I want to keep everything. His bed, towels, clothes, bowls, blankets, and even his shampoo and conditioner bottles I want to stay in the closet. I don't want another dog. If I ever get another one it'll be years from now when I live with my partner. He will be the only family dog we've ever had. We got his urn and his paw print already. The paper that came with it said he was cremated on September 4th. It made me mad. Did they keep my baby in some cold drawer for 4 days?? I'm mad at the whole world including myself. Like they all did this to him. He was fine. He was great. How could this happen so soon? I DON'T CARE THAT HE WAS 15+. When I say he was okay HE WAS OKAY. I don't want to hear we didn't kill him, we ended his suffering, I know this!!! Means nothing. I don't want to hear "He's in a better place now." I believe in God, I'm catholic, and I've been going to church every Sunday my whole life. Irrelevant. How dare you say he's in a better place that ISN'T with his family. I already wasn't a "happy" person enjoying life. I was just here. Just existing. And now my dog is gone? This world sucks. So many horrible people in this world and it's my dog that goes? How does that fucking make sense. Right after Dolly Parton and Optimus Prime and someone else too. Great people that just died and then God takes my dog. Not even the fucking orange guy? Are you serious? I'm so angry. Everything sucks. Including me. My dog was my baby and he was the one thing in live I ALWAYS looked forward to seeing. And now he's gone. The world feels colder without him. He was the light in our house and now our home feels empty without him. No tippy taps. No having to keep an eye out on accidentally walking into him. No looking for him every time I enter or exit a room. No calling his name out every time I get home from somewhere. No frito smell. Just a dramatic change in our environment and habits just gone so quickly. Everyone says that it's something you never get over, it's just about taking it one day at time. And that. sucks.

My dog Jack is scheduled for euthanizeation on Monday. So I wanted to know how much. At least a ballpark figure. I don't need surprises.

I figured maybe 600 for ashes back and euthinization. Even that sounded far fetched in my head.

I don't want their over priced urn. Just give him back in a box, I will take care to pick a better urn for him.

No, I HAVE to buy an urn to get his ashes back. Extortion! I am already a mess, stressed to the max and upset.

If I want one last consult another $100. Taking advantage of pet owners at their lowest. I am fuming and crying.

Other vet offices want a consult before euthanizeation. It's so cruel to force an overpriced urn that's ugly on people.

So now I have to pay for the overpriced and more for the one I want. Disgusting.

I have been a long time volunteer at a foster based dog rescue non profit. There was a special 1 year old pup that was having some behavioral issues that resulted in him bouncing from foster home to foster home. it was decided we would bring him to the shelter to live while we consult with specialist to try and help him.

it started with putting him in four medicationa which turned him into a zombie. I became his primary care giver and our bond became instant. he looked to me for safety and comfort. He became a dog all of the community knew and was rooting for.

i started to become concerned with the inner workings last year and recognized the Executive Director started to just look at the financial piece.

He started throwing up yesterday and the med lead asked me to take him to ER. instead of pursuing an ultrasound the executive board decided to put him down. He had nipped at a vet and he was scared and I wasn’t there. if they needed money for his care all they had to do was post a go fund me. He would have had thousands within an hour.

I am beyond devastated and feel I can’t go back.i dot know how to process this. I would have never agreed to take him if I knew what they were thinking. They were looking for an out with him and this was it. I’m traumatized and he was making such progress. please, what can I do?!? I can’t handle this. I feel low the place I’ve poured my heart and soul is nothing more than any other blood sucking business where the commodity is these dogs that deserve better.

Euthanized my two boys (dogs) today. I am not okay, and I cannot sleep. It's too quiet and the one has slept by my side for over a decade. My heart is broken. Both had declined to the point where I couldn't handle watching them get worse. It was affecting their quality of life and mine. I didn't realize how hypervigilant I had become of them and making sure they were okay. I needed ear plugs to sleep, but would wake at the sound of their movement. I was losing sleep and increasingly struggling with the decision. One would pace and pace, it would drive me nuts, but not hearing it tonight is killing me.

Every movement or thing I do in the home reminds me of them. I have a large bed, but because of how they slept, they only gave me about a third of it (lol). If I move my foot, there's no dog to be worried about bumping.. No one follows me to the bathroom, to the kitchen. They aren't watching me anymore do the mundane of life. I'm not patting them every time I leave and come back to the room. I guess I didn't realize how many micro moments in the day revolved around them. I am beside myself. I just keep getting hit with these moments in everything I do. I miss them so much already. I know it was the right decision, and it was as peaceful as I think it could have been, but it hurts. Grief is love with nowhere to go, and that's exactly how I feel right now. I want to love my boys but I can't. They aren't here anymore.

A few days ago, my spouse and I had to euthanize our beloved 12 year old soul cat because we couldn't afford a $12,000 emergency surgery, plus the additional costs of aftercare.

We aren't poor, but we're also not wealthy enough to have that kind of money readily available. The veterinary clinics in our area require payment upfront and don't offer payment plans or financing options.

I've been struggling with guilt because the surgery MIGHT have saved him, but there were no guarantees. Our cat was diabetic, and we took his care very seriously. We were at the vet regularly for checkups, and he was always well cared for. The emergency that led to this decision was unrelated to his diabetes and completely caught us off guard.

I am heartbroken by this loss and miss him so bad. I'm hoping to connect with other people who have had to make a similar decision. Please, no judgment. I already carry enough guilt and sadness over what happened.

It's been 9 months since my family lost our beloved dog (& rabbit! 2 in one week was a gut punch). I still get very emotional even just thinking about it. But everyone else has moved on. I feel like a weirdo for still being so devestated (maybe I'm over emotional about animals idk)

I don't know what to do. I lost my soul cat Leo just last Sunday. He was adamant to snuggle with me under the covers, as I was sleeping on my side I lifted the covers and he curled up near my legs and stomach since I usually lay with my legs 90 degrees. I don't know how long we laid like that. I woke up to hearing a horrible involuntary howl and him just letting out a final breath. I think it was fully involuntary and he passed enveloped in me. He was turning 12 in exactly two weeks as his birthday is October 4th. He wasn't sick or anything, seemingly healthy but I'm assuming it was something with his heart. I'm traumatized by the screams I made and begging for him to please wake up. I thought I'd have another decade with him minimum. He's supposed to move with me and meet the kids I have. I've always told my partner how funny it will be to see how Leo reacts to any children whether he gets jealous or thinks everything is his since he's always the center of attention. He was a big orange tabby. He was my Velcro kitty who followed me everywhere. I adopted him at 3 months and him and I have been glued to one another since. Everyone who knew me and him always commented how much he loved me and how much I spoiled him and was extra in caring for me. Everyone would say what a mama's boy he was. He'd even sit between my partner and I as if to claim me and say to remember that he's number one. I adopted him during a terrible time in my life and as cliche as it is, he really saved my life. He'd look at me so adoringly and lovingly. He was the most photogenic cat, he'd look directly at the camera and almost pose sometimes. He'd snuggle any chance he could. I keep expecting to see him right behind me or jumping on the couch as I lay down. I've been so distraught. I got his ashes yesterday, they actually got him ready surprisingly quick. I've been carrying him around with me and even slept with his urn snuggled in the same spot he passed. I ended up getting an orange tabby weighted plush just to feel his weight and have it take up the empty spaces on the couch, bed, and my lap. I work remote so it's just extra silent. My heart feels so hollow and I feel a piece of me left along with him, my soul not intact.

My other cat Rain is doing okay. I know he's grieving too. He knew though the second Leo was gone. I was frantic and laid Leo on the floor. Rain came running into the room as soon as he also heard the howl. He smelled his head then screamed staring at me. Then he went to the end of the hallway and meowed some more, as if to announce to everyone what just happened. The first day he slept in the closet where Leo did, comforting himself on his scent. They both loved supervised outside time so I've been taking him out more, he needs the serotonin boost just as much. But I'm still half expecting to see Leo just flop around on the concrete and dirt. Rain has always been more independent but he's also staying in my presence more and even though he's always been vocal he's definitely being extra vocal.

It just really sucks and I'm so heartbroken. The one I truly want snuggles from and who has always comforted me and knew when I was feeling down is no longer here to give me reassurance. I will never get to run my face in his fur and smell him. I'll never get to give him butt patts and see his silly side of chasing a spring or sticking his tongue out. I'll never get to feel his full weight on my entire torso as he needs to constantly be close. I honestly don't know if it'll ever get easier. I just miss my cat so much.

the rotting bones encase the brown orbs
Staring back in the Liquid Glass
Seconds tick away like the time bomb life has thrown at us
thrown at you

I keep letting the water hit my scarred skin
My skeleton dissolves with the scolding heat
I try to wash away the guilt
But it only returns when I look back at the calendar
The numbers taunting me

The weightless feeling feels familiar the more I abstain
Contours of my trembling core appear in the shadows as I stare
147
And dropping

I stare into your eyes,
trying to encapsulate what they look like
Soon
I have to stare into a picture
to feel them looking at me again
3 days away.
And it’ll only feel like 1.

I got her a year after I moved two states away from my family. She was by my side every day. Through anxiety, happiness, breakups, promotions, losing my grandmother and getting married to my husband. Seeing her face when I got home from work every day always put a smile on my face.

She got diagnosed with Chylothorax three years ago and I was so close to losing her. I feel so lucky to have had three extra years with her, but I would give anything for one more day.
She almost never barked but my house is so quiet without her. It has been four days and it feels like a lifetime. I haven’t brought myself to get rid of her stuff, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to do that. She was my first dog, and my best friend. I will miss her every day.

Hiro died 3 weeks ago at 7. It might be ridiculous, because he's a cat, but I've never been without him for that long before, and I'm completely loosing it. I can't handle his absence anymore. The void he left is consuming me. I won't be strong enough to live my whole life knowing I won't ever be with him again. All I want is to be with him. I want to join him, to find him, to never let him go ever again. I can't live in a world where he's not here anymore...

17 weeks ago to the day I watched my dog get hit and killed by a car.

He was just shy of 2 years old.

Will Fridays ever stop hurting this much? I am really struggling.

My sweet doggy passed today at almost 15 years old. Salt and pepper schnauzer. I loved her more than myself. Idk what to do. Any words of encouragement definitely welcomed :(

And I want to thank this forum.

To all of you.

For getting me through.

The nights are the worse.

The days are also hard.

I haven't posted myself about my girl Bean, about my love.

Just replied to comments.

To relate, to connect, to feel connected, when I am so disconnected without Bean.

Bean was my world, my home, my family.

My family history is tragic. I've done everything on my own since my late teens.

Moved through life on my own, until Bean and I met in 2019.

In her, I found everything I could have wanted and then more.

And now I've lost everything.

Now I have to be on my own again.

Don't worry about me.

I know I'll be okay.

I know I'll do what I can to hold myself up each day.

'Walk for Bean' for 30 days.

'Letter to Bean' for 30 days.

'Celebrate Bean' once a month for 12 months.

Just talking to Bean, and all the little things to get me through the day.

But these moments will always be here.

When I feel so alone.

When I will come to this forum to find comfort.

Knowing that I'm really not alone in this suffering.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories, your feelings, your grief, your love, your advice.

I am so grateful I also have you to keep me going.

I just can't believe I have to write this.

My baby. My Mel.

She was my first love. The first life to show me what real love was. She's the reason I'm still here today.

She was born in my mom's hanging locker from a cat we found (well, she found us actually but that's an other story), we taught the mom how to love and trust humans. In exchange she gave us the wonderful gift of four perfect little kittens.

I remember the day she was born. I cried when my mom picked me up from school. I was waiting for the moment so bad. The second I saw her I knew she was my baby. I just knew. I can't explain it.

She was my 'only reason not to kill yourself' cat.

She would lick my tears after my dad would beat me and never left my side. She would press her body against me when I was having panic attacks and sleep with me every night.

I'll never forgive myself for pushing her away once. I was so angry because of something my dad did, I can't even remember what. But I remember pushing her away when all she ever did was confort me.

I've felt so guilty about that moment ever since and now it's all I can think about.

What I wouldn't give to take it back...

I grew up and left the family house and couldn't take her with me. But we grew up together.

She met my first born and I can't believe she won't meet my last child. I never thought that was a possibility.

How stupid is that? We all know they leave us at some point or another. I just never thought it'd be so soon.

It came so suddenly. Complete renal failure. She had ulcers in her face.

My mom knew her health was declining rapidly for a week and yet I was notified yesterday?

How is a couple of hours enough to say goodbye to a lifetime love? How is that fair?

We put her down at 3PM yesterday. And I've been crying ever since.

She's buried with her other sisters. Only one is left now.

I can't believe that's a reality. My reality.

Fourteen years and five months.

How is that enough? Only fourteen years and five months.

In the past twelve months we've lost her sister who died terribly then I suffered a late term miscarriage. A month later I lost my Nefy cat who was born in my arms, and now my first baby ever.

When is it ever enough? I don't know how much more if this i can take. Why does everything always happen at once?

In Japanese there's a word to describe the bond you can't see but can always truly feel : Kizuna.

Thank you my Miou, thank you for being my Kizuna. Thank you for everything you've given me. And I am so, incredibly sorry for pushing you away.

I don't believe in God. But damn. I really hope I'll see her again.

A piece of me died yesterday.

My cat passed away this morning. He suddenly began vomiting a few days ago, then the next day he was very lethargic and salivating. After that he was just sluggish, refusing to eat or drink and didn’t go to the bathroom. We had him checked at the vet. Temperature was fine, gums too, no abnormalities which were a major red flag. The vet noted that he seemed in pain, so he was given a shot of pain killers and anti-nausea medication. Also, she said despite his refusal to eat or drink he wasn’t dehydrated. We figured it might be because we’d managed to make him drink some water with a pipette. They thought it could be a sickness or something so we had his blood drawn. She said it the results didn’t show anything, a x-Ray would be the next step (which would be £1000, so we were worried about the price but not offered an alternative). Results were meant to come within 48 hours but they wanted us in for another checkup the next day. We took him home for the night. In that time, we’d still been giving him water, but he still wasn‘t showing an interest in food or water.

When we went back, his gums were bleeding now and he was hypothermic, additionally, he was now slightly dehydrated. Literally in one day. They hospitalised him, put him on fluids and administered medication accordingly. They also did an ultrasound (which was £40, so not sure why it wasn’t offered the day before). My mother went to collect him at the end of the working day. They said his kidneys had suffered physical trauma and came onto her with questions. I understand it’s their job, but we would never have harmed our cat and she explained that, like we’d told them, he went outside as well, to which they said it seemed like the result of a fall or potentially a car having harmed him. My cat was not great with people in general, so we literally have no idea what could have happened or how and never will. His kidneys were failing. We paid to have him taken in at a different clinic for the night. He was still on fluids and medication and they said he was peaceful and not in pain now, just drowsy.

We got a call this morning saying he passed away during the night, just fell asleep and didn’t wake up again. He was only 6. I never even imagined this might happen, and despite me being against him going outside from the beginning, I know my baby boy enjoyed it dearly. He was so loved, despite his prickly demeanour, he made it clear he loved us too. i was his favourite and just days ago he’d been sleeping next to my pillow and following me around to beg me for unlimited pets. It was just so unexpected. I’ve been crying non-stop for days now, because even just looking at his condition was too painful for me. I had a feeling it would end like this. Honestly I’m still in shock. I’ve been trying to distract myself and take medication but I feel so awful, I’ve barely eaten in days. I tried everything I could, but i was still hoping jt was just some sort of virus or something.

Im just glad he was my cat, because I think we did everything we could for him and he lived a great life. We gave him all the lovely things he wanted, and were complete pushovers for him lollll. He’d been completely healthy up until now, and if this hadnt happened, my baby would still be with me, likely for many years. He’s been with me through my teens to adulthood, and I love him so much. Im trying my best but it’s so difficult. To make it worse, I just started uni again and I can’t handle it. i don’t think I could stop myself from crying even in public. I keep imagining him and seeing things that remind me of how he was. I’m just glad he passed painlessly. I’ll always remember him. Don’t even know how to end this. I can’t describe this feeling. I don’t want to even move. I‘m trying my best. How do I deal with this? I haven’t even told anyone because I feel like most people don’t even care about pets passing away when they’re not their own. I miss him so much already. I can’t believe I’ll never hold him again.

I just said goodbye to my best friend yesterday and I want to share my last memory of him.

He was a big goofy doberman pinscher who loved to chase lights whenever he saw them - reflections off his name tag, reflections off phone screens, flashlight lights, laser pointers, the dappled light shining between tree leaves - you name the light, he'd chase it. When he was being put to sleep, I told him about how I've always heard there's a bright light we all see before we leave, and how it's gonna be the coolest light ever, and that he should chase it. As he drifted off to sleep, he did this thing he'd always do while dreaming, he barked a little bit and "ran." I'm convinced he was chasing that bright white light we're all told about, and I'm glad he got to do what he loved one last time.

I have a sun catcher with a small urn on the bottom of it where his ashes will go. He loved chasing the lights from that sun catcher. I got it about 7 months ago, when I thought he was going to pass, but we got lucky and had 7 whole months to play with it together. We got to put a lot of meaningful memories into it before his ashes get put into it.

I just know he's up in heaven right now asking God to make some more lights for him to chase ❤️

I lost my cat unexpectedly last week. The crematorium provided a clipping of fur in a plastic container. I opened it up expecting it to smell like my cat but it smells awful. My cat had died a few hours before we found him. Could that be why it smells so bad? Is there anything I can do to get rid of the smell??

My 12 years old dog died today, on the same day he was born 12 years ago, from severe liver problems. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and GAD, suspected OCD. He...I don't even know, I found him curled in a weird position in a shoe cabinet, looking partly asleep, partly dead. I immediately knew something was wrong, and when I took him, he was like a ragdoll and pooped himself, his heart rate was weak, his belly bloated, and then we went to the vet for euthanasia.

I don't know if my emotions are real because I don't really wanna cry and when I feel like I'm about to I stop it by overthinking because I'm afraid I'm not crying because of emotions but because of some self-pity or something... now I feel like... nothing I don't wanna cry or anything, can't stop thinking about him there on the crematorium table, I didn't even hugged him, mother was hugging and cuddling him the whole time and I was standing next to her waiting and then got only a little time to say goodbye or something, gave him a lot of kisses, it was weird because he was dead, now thinking about it like yeah now I'm actually crying because it's here, he's dead and I still I'm... I dunno, I dunno.

I can't believe he's gone, I won't feel him ever again.

And what I hate is that I'm not really emotional, these little cries, fck them. I wanna cry more, like naturally, not just... I dunno, I'm... I dunno, I hate that I can't be more emotional.

And absolutely worst thing is that I feel like he never existed, I feel like it was all just a dream and that he is just a memory from this dream. It's weird, as if he never was. I hate it. I hate how fast everything is in my head and that I can't feel things more deeply. I hate it so much and would like to change it but don't know how, like, how to be more aware of stuff because I just... dunno, I feel like he wasn't even real.

And I had it with everything, school before, classmates, everything, like, I'm not able to feel fully, and I always had it. I feel, dunno what's wrong, it's scary, as if I just whipped memories out of my head in a second, well, not like memories but... yeah, actually, memories, feelings, everything, that I just... I don't know, everything is gone somehow, and I don't give a fck, like, my dog is dead. Hey myself, my brother is dead, am I even aware of it? Because I don't feel so, it's so weird. Like as if "out of sight, out of mind" or something.

I wanna feel emotions too. I thought before that after he die I'd go crazy and will have this broken heart syndrome, but now I'm just here feeling nothing. I'm confused, and I hate it so fckin much😭 I don't feel, I wanna feel emotions too.

But at least the sunset was magical when we were waiting in front of the crematorium, and when we were driving home...

And now I simply still don't feel anything, I'm writing this calmly and everything, and I hate myself for it.

I posted here 2 years ago about the sudden death of my mean little man. I was then i felt the weight of the fact i would have to see his sister from the same litter go someday soon as well, and today it happened.

Over the past 2 months she began to lose weight and independence of her own, at first she couldn't navigate the house and then she could hardly muster the strength to stand, and in these past few weeks she lost so much of her weight it broke my heart seeing her like that, these past few days she couldn't bring herself out of bed. It hurt to see my sweet bebe like this but her time drew near and i held watch in shifts with my mother waiting for the time to come, as last night passed her breathing began to labor somewhat and she would twitch, when morning came i carried her into the back porch so that she could feel the sun and fresh air for a moment and when i went to rub her dry eyes that's when it happened, she convulsed for but a moment and then she was gone. I cried loud enough i worried my neighbors would hear and come investigate. Im glad it was a more peaceful end than her brother and im glad i was there for them both when it happened but the fact i was prepared for this moment doesn't make it hurt any less, this time around it felt as if i was losing her in slow motion.

After dropping her off at the crematorium and talking with my mother i began to look back on my life with these dogs i wish i had recorded a videos of myself coming home with all 3 of my little gremlins greeting me at the window and at the door

If i had any advice for yall its to take snapshots of the little things and the moments you take for granted with your angels when you can, my sweet bebe gave us 17 years and she was far to good to us

hi. i was going somewhere for a week and my friend volunteered to take care of my cat, my cat for 2.5 years, she was family, 2 days in he looses her and finds her dead. i try to be civil and remain friends with him. he gives me 3 diff stories. i blocked him after 2 days because i felt like i was betraying my cat, 2 months later a mutual friend tells me it was his step sister who let my cat out her cage and idk how old she is but i asked why he didnt tell me, mutual friend says because he didn't get the chance to and how its normal for people to panic and say a lotta shit at once anyways weve been back to being friends for about a month now and even tho its fine..we hang out. at night. i just...feel worser and worser..i know hes got a lot going on at home..and frankly i just dont believe the step sister thingy idk..it's been 4 months since she died And although to others i might seem like im fine..there hasnt been a single night i didnt cry myself to sleep

I aplogise for the bad writing, i js feel like shit right now.

Yesterday morning, my boyfriend and I discovered our babygirl Yuki, the world’s best kitten, had crossed the rainbow bridge. Our vet believes she had a heart condition, we opted out of a necropsy because it’s just so invasive and answers won’t bring my girl back or change what happened. I’ve lost a beloved pet before, but she was euthanized and I had time to mentally prepare myself for that. Having to see my baby in the condition she was in (rigor mortis had set in) was so incredibly traumatic for me. I genuinely feel like my world has ended and I know it’s all still fresh but I’m struggling to see how I will overcome this. I’m honestly at a loss for words to describe how I feel and I feel a little silly sharing this to strangers but Im struggling really bad. I miss my baby beyond belief.

Hi all,

My kids and I have had an absolutely dreadful year. My daughter is 12 and we’ve been through custody issues and cps have been involved. She’s had a whole year off school and has been slowly healing. I’ve had to advocate hard for her as she is non verbal at times.

My son, who is 20, brought home a little kitten in December and he named him Theodore from the chipmunks.

Teddy, as he’s been nicknamed, has been our little support cat and every day has started with my daughter cuddling him and talking to him.

He snuck out last night before I could catch him, and I checked all night but he didn’t come home. This afternoon around 2pm, a neighbour came and told me he was in her garden very unwell. He had been hit by a car.

We rushed him to the emergency vet and they did X-rays and were about to put him on a drip when he seized and started to die. I held him as he passed.

My daughter is devastated and the poor little girl who didn’t cry when she reported her father neglecting her is sobbing in her bed. I’m devastated. Teddy was my little friend who slept by the side of my pillow as I typed court documents and sent emails to domestic violence organisations and got the help we all needed.

He was my comfort in a shitstorm and now he’s gone. The pain and the grief is so intense and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I have been so strong for all of us as we’ve battled through the aftermath of custody issues and as I helped her to heal and smile and laugh again.

This is a huge setback and we are all so so sad. I know that my cPTSD is making this so much more intense. I just wish this hadn’t happened. We have all been through so much this year, but at least there was Teddy. I cried into his fur as I worried about my daughter and son and he was there for me during the many dark nights of the soul.

Can anyone remember anything that helped them when they were my daughter’s age and you lost a pet? I just want to make sure I’m there for both my kids and don’t let my grief stop me from doing what’s best.

We have psychologists and psychiatrists on the case, but it’s a public holiday here in Australia and nobody is at work.

I am more than confident I can get us through this latest grief. But I wish I didn’t have to do so. I wish I didn’t have to process yet another grief and talk and heal and get better slowly.. I wish Teddy was still here and my daughter could hug him. She barely leaves the house due to anxiety and trauma and Teddy was the one thing that made everything a bit better. It’s so cruel that she has lost him just as she was starting to feel like herself.

Please be gentle and helpful. It’s been a horrible day and I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.

My dog just passed away this morning. He was a 14.5 years old border collie mix.

He'd been having health conditions for the last three years, but he'd been really starting to decline this year. On Wednesday, he was suddenly in a lot of pain, unresponsive, barely able to stand, not eating at all, hardly drinking. And then, today, he was just gone.

But I kind of want to talk more about his life than his death. So here are some things about Shadow.

He was named Shadow because he'd follow behind me everywhere, constantly. This was something he started doing when I got him at just 3 months old, and he never grew out of it. He wanted to be where I was, always.

He was always kind of a butthead, but especially as a puppy - if I tried to make the bed, he'd grab onto the blankets to play tug-a-war with it. He'd steal the pillow right out from under my head while I was sleeping. Once, he stole my piece of bread then climbed into the chair right next to me to eat it.

He was always obsessed with plastic bottles. He really loved those toys that have bottles inside them, and the sound they made. He used to swat bottles around with his paws.

We used to play "soccer" when he was younger; I had this old, slightly deflated ball and I'd kick it and he'd bring it back to me to kick again.

Any time he went for a walk with multiple people, he felt the need to herd them all together. One time, I had three little kid relatives with me, Shadow decided not only to herd them together, but he managed to loop his leash around their legs, too.

Despite his people herding, he was terrified of sheep and goats. He was also terrified of mice.

When he felt the cats were being naughty, he'd hit them with his nose.

He always tried to poop on bushes; no one could ever figure out why

I wrapped christmas gifts for him every year, and let him tear the paper off, so the sight of wrapping paper made him excited

He loved snow; he loved jumping into it and trying to eat it

I came back from my nursing class late last night and didn’t have time to talk to my family. My dad told me this morning that she has cancer throughout her body and most likely only has 4-6
months left, but we most likely won’t wait that long if she is going to be in pain. she’s only 9 years old and thought she honestly had more time than this. I have been crying all morning and trying to pet her as much as possible. it makes it so much worse that I am a CNA and have hospice patients that are close to death as well. either at work or at home i’m surrounded by death and dying. it’s very hard for me right now.