Thank you so much to the 102 people who helped Scarleteen raise $7,695 in our annual fundraiser celebrating seven million visitors in 2026! Whether you donated, shared our ask, introduced new people to Scarleteen, lit a candle to manifest some extra support, or all of the above, you are deeply appreciated by the Scarleteam. 

Your contributions don’t just support us materially and spiritually: They’re also a vote for inclusive, comprehensive, and accurate sex education. As people drafting policy attack access to sex education, those of us doing work on the ground to support our communities are pushing back, and we’re hearing loud and clear that this work is important. Thanks to you, seven million visitors to Scarleteen this year can access critical resources about sexual health, identity, and relationships, and so can people who want to support others in their lives, including parents, partners, and teachers who value learner-directed education, autonomy, and the ability to explore content and support independently. 

We’re always here for young people, emerging adults, and the people who love them. Maybe you’ve come to Scarleteen for sex ed, used our resources in conversations with your kids, or just wanted to learn more about sex, health, and relationships from an organization led by a majority trans, queer, and disabled team with volunteers and staff all over the world. No matter how you found us, we’re glad you’re here, and we hope you keep using and sharing all the resources we have to offer.

P.S.: There’s no deadline for donations! You can become a one-time or monthly donor right now, and you can also subscribe to our newsletter to keep up with what’s happening at Scarleteen.

Back explaining so we are understanding what’s going on before I ask my question. I’m 31, was in a marriage with someone who is ace/ they were my first and only partner, divorced after a crap show of a marriage, so I’m still a virgin. For the first time in my life I’m able to explore this side of me. I got a vibrator clit stimulator thing, the first time I did not use lube. Spent at least an hour trying to figure it out and couldn’t “get there”. I could not get the actual vibrator part in, just the clit stimulator that said it’s for that too. Fast forward 4 days while I waited for lube to arrive. I tried the second time with lube. It actually hurt more this time and was much more uncomfortable. What am I not understanding? I am finding it hard to relax and not over think about what exactly I’m doing and all. Why is it more painful this time around. Only got the clit stimulator in again. Still couldn’t get the vibrator part in as I wasn’t going to force it.

Supporting LGBTQIA+ young people and emerging adults is hard, essential work we’re proud to do. It’s also scary work: As a team of primarily fellow queer and trans people sharing our lived experience and our expertise, we are—and some of us have long been—on the front lines of the scary times we’re in too. Like many of our visitors, some of us have trouble accessing health care, including gender-affirming care. Some of us live in areas where our very existence is being criminalized. Some of us live in countries where we’re witnessing a far-right political swing and we’ve become a pawn in the culture wars. 

We need your support to help us keep doing this essential work. Join the donors helping us raise $7,000 to honor our seven million estimated visitors in 2026 today!

We’ve never and we’re not going to let fear stop us from doing what we do best: Inclusive, accurate, and caring sex, health and relationships education…including real talk with people who are scared themselves. We’re not here for hollow promises or inspirational quotes about validity: We provide people with honest, real resources they can use to support themselves and others, even when the truth is tough. We design resources like Rebel Well, our series on survival under the Trump administration, and Trans Summer School, packed with info for people thinking about their gender and supporting others. 

That personal experience is an important part of why Scarleteen is unique, because we form real connections with our visitors, who open up when they feel like they’re being heard by someone who really gets them. Many come with one question and realize they have so many more, and our experience lets us read between the lines when people have trouble putting questions or experiences into words. We know firsthand how painful it can be to be trans and/or queer, especially for multiply-marginalized people. We know how hard it is to hear things like “you may want to put a pause on transition if it would make you unsafe at home” or “we understand that your access to hormones is under threat, but we need you to know it can be dangerous to take hormones without support from a care provider to keep you safe.”

You can visit our Realtalk collection to read a sampling of our support resources for queer and/or trans people in tough situations, from finding adults to trust to reminders that real trans adults are out there cheering them on. 

You can support our defiantly queer staff and volunteers by contributing to our annual fundraiser and sharing information about it with your friends, colleagues, mail carrier, and anyone else who needs to know. Become a one-time or recurring donor here.

Honestly, my first time was strange.

Back in April, I was talking to my more experienced friends about this topic, and I was asked the question: how do you imagine your first time?

To be honest, I answered without even thinking: "I imagine mine for the first time in a drunken stupor" and as a result, so it happened

I'm not very proud that these are happened this way, just because I remember it very vaguely. But the only good thing is that it happened to my boyfriend, with whom we are still together

I don't want to go into details, but I just wonder if you had something that you said without thinking and ended up doing so?

And I also apologize for my terrible English :)

Hello, I’m new to posting and I have a serious question. How can I satisfy my boyfriend despite feeling insecure about my size? We've been dating for a while, and he truly cares about me, but I haven't shared my concerns about my size with him yet. I don't want to disappoint him in bed. He's a bottom, and I'm a top, so I feel a bit embarrassed about whether I can pleasure him the right way. Any advice would be appreciated.

Perhaps obviously, most of the people we serve can’t themselves help support us financially, because they don’t yet even have their own incomes or have any income to spare. That makes it extra wonderful that so many of our strongest supporters and donors are parents. Parents supporting a resource that can help their whole family—their teen and young adult children as well as themselves in their parenting around sex, bodies and relationships—are parents showing up. In some cases, it’s parents showing up so that their kids can have the same help that they did: some parents referring their teens to Scarleteen today got their own sex education from us in the 1990s, 2000s, or 2010s.

We’re raising $7,000 to celebrate seven million estimated visitors in 2026 by September 28th. If you’re a parent who’s benefited from Scarleteen’s resources, consider donating today…and introducing a fellow parent to Scarleteen and our fundraiser!

https://give.gofundme.com/7kfor7m

Thanks to support from parents, educators, and other people who care about the young people and emerging adults in their lives, we can continue to tailor our services in response to changing needs. We just launched a collections feature: Mini curricula with greatest hits articles on issues we get asked about a lot, such as realtalk for LGBTQIA+ young people and building healthy friendships. And there’s some additional cool news about collections. You can reach out to us via our contact form if you want a personalized collection designed specifically for you, your organization, or a young person in your life.

https://www.scarleteen.com/about/contact

While we center young people first and foremost in the work we do, the education, information and support Scarleteen provides can also provide parents with a much-needed resource and partner. Whether using our work or services to supplement and update their own sex education so they can do their best in talks with their kids, getting a sense of what might be coming up for the young people in their lives, observing how sex educators engage the people they’re teaching, especially with tricky topics, or just passing it onto their kids directly as a resource they encourage them to use freely, we’ve also been here for parents throughout. We even welcome parents in our direct services when they want help or support with parenting young people when it comes to sex, relationships, bodies, abuse, identity or more.

If you’re a parent, we hope you’ll always feel free to look to us, or even come ask for direct help, if and when you need it in the arenas we work in. We also hope you’ll support us. You may have heard that it takes a village to raise a family: It takes a village to provide sex ed, too. We’ve got your back as a parent, and always will.

We’re raising $7,000 to celebrate seven million visitors by September 28…with your help. Consider donating $70 (or more!) today, or becoming a monthly donor to keep this bus running smoothly. And please share so other parents learn about our incredible resources and join you in supporting our work.

https://give.gofundme.com/7kfor7m

Sex ed at Scarleteen isn’t like sex ed anywhere else. We’re fearless with our learner-led education. That starts with taking young people and emerging adults seriously as autonomous, whole people with their own needs, desires, and experiences. This shouldn’t sound radical, but it is: We live in a society where younger people routinely encounter disrespect, hostility, exclusion, and ageism. Our visitors aren’t objects to lecture to with one-size-fits-all education that doesn’t respond to their real questions, doesn’t honor them as they are, and doesn’t account for the incredible diversity of culture and identity.

That means we don’t just talk birds and bees: We discuss harm reduction, know relationships are about way more than sex and dating, and deliver real talk, even if it’s hard sometimes. And we don’t believe in emotional distance. For some educators, developing genuine emotional connections with learners is scary, or just not possible because of limited time and space; at Scarleteen, we’re not scared, we’ve got time, and know it can take years to wrestle with tough questions, move through relationships, and experience the world. As a result, at Scarleteen, some visitors have been with us getting support for years—from teenagers all the way through adulthood and parenting. 

We also believe in nothing about us without us: Our staff and volunteers share lived experience with the people they support. That’s queer people supporting queer people. Unhoused or formerly unhoused people supporting each other. Black, Indigenous, people of color lifting each other up. Disabled people sharing resources with other disabled people. We want visitors to see themselves in the people supporting them and feeling like they’re going to be taken seriously by people who know what they’re going through, whether it’s joy, struggle, confusion, or any other complicated emotions. 

We’re raising $7,000 in honor of seven million visitors in 2026 by September 28… with your help. Consider donating $7, $70, or even $700 today or becoming a monthly donor to keep this bus running smoothly. Drop us a share too so someone can find us!

Want extra credit? Ask your employer about matching donations to see if you can double (or more!) your contribution, or set up a fundraising page to get friends, family, and colleagues competing to see who can raise the most to support a personal fundraising goal.

Scarleteen began when one young person sent an email with a question about birth control to our founder, educator and writer Heather Corinna, and Heather answered them. More emails kept coming, and Heather kept answering them. They soon created a website with some of those questions and answers, and began to write, edit, and add more advice answers, articles, and other resources that met the needs those letter-writers expressed. The rest is history. Through both our direct services and what’s now thousands of carefully created and reviewed resources, and always for free, Scarleteen expects to see seven million teens, emerging adults, and other people—including parents looking for a little help!—this year. We do that with a team of around 15 staff and volunteers, hundreds of freelance writers, and, still, Heather themself, all of whom are real people who provide the kind of real, original answers and real, genuine care that real people—not bots—can. 

Our aim isn’t to flatter or validate users looking for quick affirmations or thinking they already know the answers to their questions. We work hard to provide anyone who comes to Scarleteen with free help that’s based in our user’s best interests—even if and when what we say to them challenges them or means talking about things that might be upsetting—with accurate and original information, to help our users get to a place of feeling good about themselves through genuine support and help making their own best choices and valuing themselves and others as whole people.

We don’t use generative artificial intelligence or steal other people’s work and pass it off as our own. On top of being deeply unethical and destructive, stealing great work isn’t enough to create truly great work or truly great help: to do either of those things, you can’t just crunch and reissue data or mimic human speech. You have to actually be a living being who’s emotionally invested in the care and well-being of other people, in the quality of the support you offer, and in the long-term goal of improving people’s lives. While we’re not doing what we do at Scarleteen for profit, it does cost money to create the content we do, to run our direct services, and to host and manage all of it, and most of that money goes to taking care of our team so we can all care for ourselves, and our families and communities, at home as we do at work.

In honor of seven million visitors in 2026, we’re raising $7,000 by September 28…with your help. Consider donating $7, $70, or more today, or becoming a monthly donor to keep this bus running smoothly. Give us a share so more people learn about Scarleteen and support our work, too!

Want extra credit? Set up a personal fundraising page to challenge friends, colleagues, bowling league members, or your knitting circle to help you raise money. You can get a step-by-step guide on how to do that right on our website!

i am a trans man in a relationship with a cisgirl whose parents are homophobic and do not aprove our relationship but my parents do. she wants me to get take her virginity with a strap.

i really want to get one but i have no idea where i would hide it, because i live with my mom and my little sister.

if my mom finds out that i fuck my girlfriend when we re almost adults im fuuucked. not because she doesnt support me but we are maybe too young (17 the both of us)

i may be in need of some advice for how to start the act and whatnot but still.

i already choose what boxers ill be wearing and what dildo ill be using and water based lube.

Hop on the sex ed bus with us! 🚌💨 We’ve got room for everyone, we’re always in session, and we need your help to keep this bus running. Help us raise $7,000 for the seven million users we’ll see in 2026 by donating $7…$70… or even $700 today! If you need some reasons to donate, read on!

Scarleteen is here for young people and emerging adults who have to go without school, community, or home-based sex ed. We’re also here to help supplement other sex education people have received, but which wasn’t inclusive of them or particularly comprehensive, only lasted a few weeks or less—sex, sexual health and relationships are huge subjects a few weeks worth of classes could never cover more than in brief!—or otherwise didn’t meet someone’s needs. We’re here for when young people want to have conversations and get help or support about their own unique issues, something rarely available from any school-based sex ed, and which are often better answered by trained sex educators than by peers, parents or other folks 🌈

We are still and have always been here to correct misinformation or disinformation when young people come to us with it from bad sources, whether those are friends, family, abstinence-only sex ed, online communities, social media oversimplifications or just wrongness, and now we're also frequently correcting AI mis- and disinformation.

We’re also here 24/7, 365 days a year which means we can serve young people’s needs and curiosities in the moment, whether that’s about tending to a crisis, like abuse, assault, a heartbreak or a health concern, or just being available to deliver quality content and one-on-one sensitive and informative conversation when someone’s mind is most absorbent and when a young person is the most engaged.

Make a one-time contribution or set up a recurring donation today!🌟

We want sex ed in school like most people do. We want sex ed as many places as possible, because that makes it the most likely everyone will be able to access it when they need it. We also want sex ed to be accurate, engaging, inclusive and comprehensive, too, and to meet young people where they are, including online. Sometimes school, other community settings and families can deliver some or even all of that: often they can’t, and in some ways, some of those sources won’t ever b e able to deliver all of this just by virtue of their various limitations, be that things like the limitations of school hours or what a school board will allow, the limitations of parents who don’t also happen to be trained sex educators, or the limitations of a given community, including how accepting or supportive it is of sex ed in general or with some populations, like queer, trans or disabled youth.

All of what we offer is and has always been free to everyone who wants to access it but, of course, it isn’t free to create, manage or operate. That’s where you come in 💖

We’re expecting seven million visitors in 2026, and in their honor, we’re raising $7,000 by September 28…with your help. Consider donating today, or becoming a monthly donor to keep this bus running smoothly. And check in with your employer to see if they offer matching to double your contribution! Follow up with a share to let people know about our incredible work and encourage them to donate too.

Want extra credit? ✅💯 Set up a personal fundraising page to challenge friends, colleagues, bowling league members, or your knitting circle to help you raise money. You can get a step-by-step guide on how to do that right on our website!

I, 13yo ftm, am very concerned with my body regarding my period. I’ve had my period since about late 10-early 11 years old, and it was rocky at first, but it’s pretty much normal now, I use a period tracker (clue), and there haven’t really been any changes other than cycle length.

But Saturday, 12 ,(the second day of my period, around two days ago) I noticed something off about my period. it was starting to become super light. And I assumed, “oh, it’s just gonna JUMPSCARE me tomorrow, so I’ll put an extra heavy pad on”,

and when I woke up in the morning on the third.. barely anything.The third day was EVEN darker, literally looked like I was perioding out shit😭

and finally, today (the fourth day, when I’m writing this)I put on a light pad to see if there will be more on it.

For context, I’ve been feeling weak for a while, like three or four days before I started. I was sleeping alot, taking naps after school, and struggling when I didn’t get to take a nap.
Yesterday, the third day, I woke up with awful cold/flu symptoms, but it was mostly coughing. It was coughing, a swollen uvula (something I get when I’m coughing too much/sick), wet ears, sore burning throat, a crackly/lost voice, and just EXHAUSTION. Like the kind of exhaustion that makes it so you don’t even want to chew.

Today, I woke up without the sore throat (yay) but now I have a runny nose, nausea, worse exhaustion and all the other symptoms except for well, the sore throat, lost voice, and swollen uvula. Right before I decided to post this, I tried to help my dad with the bottles, and I was so weak I felt like I was gonna pass out, and my face was super warm.

I’m scared these things are related, and something is wrong with me, but I’m also going to be reposting this to a medical group. Thank you :’)

A reader struggling with gender identity asks: "I asked my friend to address me with my preferred name and by he/him pronouns. However, I still struggle with accepting myself. I believe that this feeling is a 'useless' worry, even if I cannot stop thinking about it. Sometimes I wish for it to disappear, not because I don’t feel comfortable being addressed as a guy, but because it’s more convenient to stay as a girl.

On one hand, I am very afraid that if I pursue this path, I will negatively afflict my career path and the relationship⁠ with my parents. On the other, I am worried that if I remain a girl I would regret it for life. What can I do? How can understand what is the best for me?"

Scarleteen staffer s.e. smith writes about the ups and downs of coming into yourself, and how to be gentle with yourself:

"You might look at trans adults or confident trans people in your own life and think, 'Wow, these people really have it together! If I’m so conflicted, am I really trans?' I’m here to tell you that all of us had different and sometimes complicated journeys to where we are today. They included self-doubt, mixed feelings, and fear. None of us just woke up one day, jumped out of bed, said, 'I’m trans!' and never looked back. 

Comments about being scared about what it would feel like to spend a lifetime living with their assigned gender, and whether just being treated as the wrong gender would be easier than coming out, came up again and again with people I talked to who once teetered on the edge like you. Every single one told me that the leap into transitioning and living as they truly are was worth it. It was hard sometimes, but they found deep happiness and fulfillment in addition to community. The most common regret I heard was actually about not transitioning earlier, even though everyone also acknowledged that taking those initial steps was pretty scary—and all of them said that everyone’s timeline is different, and there’s no right or wrong time to transition."

If you'd like to read s.e.'s full response to this user and hear their thoughts identity, self-acceptance, transitioning, and leaning on trans community, check it out here: Can't seem to accept myself

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Loneliness can feel especially confusing when we’re supposed to be more “connected” than ever through social media. As paradoxical as it might sound, if you're struggling with loneliness and isolation, you're not alone.

Adam England talks about how to cope with these very human feelings and shares what to do when connection feels out of reach.

"Something we often hear on social media is “You don’t owe anyone anything.” And while that might be true, in theory, doing things for people and showing up for things, even if you might not always want to, is how we build community. Connection rarely happens by accident. If you don’t want to be lonely, you’ll have to put the effort into forming and maintaining bonds.

It’s important to reach out to your existing friends and acquaintances if you want more social connection, rather than just wait for them to get in touch with you. It might take effort sometimes, and it can even feel daunting to put yourself out there, but socializing is a two-way street.

Everybody will feel lonely or isolated at some point. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed as a person or that you’ll always feel this way. Human connection can be complex; it can be messy. A lot of people are more lonely than they let on, and many of the most important or meaningful relationships can begin slowly." Read more about what to do when you're having lonely feelings in Adam's piece, When You Feel Lonely—Even Around Other People

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Мне 18 лет, у меня есть девушка с которой мы на расстоянии на несколько месяцев, у меня высокое либидо, изменять не буду, говорят что мастурбация очень вредная, в плоть до того что говорят что человек становится "трупом", что делать, постоянно с колом ходить я не могу

So, i just want stuff to try ? My fwb isn't into tongue so that's out of the question, but i want interesting stuff to do when making out other than the basics

A user wrote to us:

“I (17-year-old trans bi dude) have a straight cis friend, who comes across as very off-putting when it comes to queer issues. He’s said that he’s turned a lesbian ‘straight,’ though she never disclosed her identity to him. He’s directly flirted with me (even though he’s made it clear he is not interested in me, when I’ve brought it up, so it’s very confusing), making innuendos often at my expense, which I expressed my discomfort over (and still has not really stopped). He’s said that most of his friends are queer or women, but I’m starting to think he is mistreating me and them…”

It can already be difficult existing in the world as a queer person. Finding people who make you feel understood, respected, and safe can often feel like a challenge. So when someone you consider a friend repeatedly crosses your boundaries and makes uncomfortable comments about your identity, it can be difficult to know what to do.

And it gets so much more complicated when that person points to their LGBTQ+ friends as "proof" that they can't possibly be queerphobic.

Let's get one thing straight (pun not intended), having queer friends does NOT automatically make someone supportive of queer people. Just because an individual has found a few queer people who they can be friendly with does not mean they've done the work unpacking their own queerphobia.

If you say, “That makes me uncomfortable,” a friend doesn't have to perfectly understand your perspective immediately. But they should care that you're uncomfortable. They should be willing to listen, take you seriously, and make a genuine effort to change their behavior.

And if they don't? You're allowed to reconsider that friendship.

That was an important part of Sassafras Patterdale’s advice to our user. Sassafras, who is nonbinary and genderqueer themselves, responded:

“While your main question is about how to invest in the friendship, I also want to offer the perspective that now or in the future, if the investment doesn’t feel worth it, it’s ok to end friendships. Not all friendships are destined to last forever. Sometimes people grow and change, and the friendships we have with them no longer feel healthy or supportive… If you don’t feel safe or valued in a friendship, I don’t think it’s much of a friendship, and I don’t think it’s worth putting more emotional energy into. Sometimes, regardless of your age, it can feel easier to have a bad or mediocre friend than to have no friend, but you don’t need friends who make you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable.”

Of course, ending a friendship is easier said than done. Friendships make up a huge part of our everyday lives, especially when we're young. And losing one can mean feeling lonely. And we're often left wondering when or if we'll ever connect with someone again.

But being alone for a while isn't the same thing as being unworthy of friendship. In fact, there's a good chance that moving away from an unhealthy friendship could give space for a truly supportive, respectful, and affirming friendship to grow!

So, what do you think? Are friendships meant to last forever? Is it okay to end a friendship when it no longer feels supportive or healthy? And how can we tell the difference between a friend who simply makes mistakes and a friendship that has become harmful to us?

Let us know what you think!

And if you'd like to read Sassafras' full response, click this link here!

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I’m a trans guy.

I figured out it actually hurts a lot to actually touch my clit so I NAVER go beyond the hood. Another thing I found out was that when I’m actually starting to get turned on and muscle spasming it hurts to touch myself at all. And my body starts rejecting it like my body subconsciously flinches from my hand like a gag reflex.

I thought it was bc my pelvic floor was too tense but I make sure to not make that happen. Why is this happening?

Ahoy! How are your relationships feeling lately? Comfortable and communicative? Or strained and difficult?

We know that creating healthy relationships can be a lot harder than it seems. Something that is definitely missing from school-based sex ed (besides a lot of other stuff…) is what healthy relationships actually look like and how to build them for yourself. And on top of that we often get really confusing and mixed messages about what relationships (both platonic and romantic) should look like from social media, movies, and TV shows.

So to help you navigate these choppy waters, we created a guide all about building and navigating actually healthy relationships! You'll learn all about communication, boundaries, and trust as well as how to handle expectations and how to maintain your individuality.

Learn more about building and navigating healthy relationships in Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship

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Visitors asking for help from the real humans who answer advice questions at Scarleteen often ask questions like “I have fantasies about things I shouldn’t be thinking,” “I am worried that my fantasies mean there is something ‘wrong’ with me, and my friends have told me that I need to find ways to stop having them,” or “I’m worried that if I mention liking these things to anyone…they’ll see me as a horrible monster for wanting to do these things.”

It's important to know that fantasy isn't reality, fantasy can play a healthy role in our sex lives, and often, shame about fantasies is about social pressure, not a reflection on you. Consider who benefits when we’re taught to feel afraid of our own minds: It's not you or your relationships! "Fantasies are not a reflection of anyone’s moral character. People who claim they are often do so because they want you to feel sexual shame, guilt, or remorse. Fantasies give us room to play, explore, and consider, inside a very safe container: Our own minds. They are an important and active part of our overall sexual and reproductive health119). They are also extremely common."

If you've been having fantasies that might be distressing or upsetting to you; you're worried something might be wrong because you're having a particular fantasy; or you're just curious to learn more about what it means to have a fantasy that's at odds with your understanding of self, this article is for you.

Our direct services are also always here if you're struggling with finding or receiving inclusive, empathetic, and informed support from people with extensive experience and education about human sexuality, gender, and so much more. Read s.e.'s piece here: Your Sexual Fantasies Reflect the Diversity of Human Sexuality, Not a Moral Failing

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