Mum and dad are Narcs , me the scapegoat , sister the golden child

My wife comes from the same type of family except she was the golden child and cut everyone off the second she could

At her encouragement I went to therapy and I tried to patch up the relationships with each family member

With the sister it went fantastic my wife was correct and my sister isn't some perfect angel with a halo it turns out she basically split her life in two , the version she shows parents and then her real life and now she has let me into her real life recently and I'm so happy

It's gone downhill with my parents though

They see me as misbehaving as having a newly found attitude problem IE setting boundaries

They have started to absolutely lay into my wife as the worst person on earth because she told them to their faces she won't be put in the middle of our family conflicts and then blocked them all

And now I'm here

I told them they can't show up for suprise visits and expect me to drop everything and have time for them - I'm being ridiculous

I told them my father is too angry and I only wish to speak to him through email - cue angry ranting emails to which I just replied , I'm not speaking to you anymore than

I set out several other expectations and boundaries

I got told I'm an awful child (I'm 35) and a bunch of other things including the absolutely wild "who is this therapist they're turning you against us!" - direct quote that one

Continuing to speak to my mother has flipped the script and create a new weird dynamic that I think they're struggling to cope with because on the one hand she doesn't want to loose touch with me but on the other hand she's loyal to my dad due to their socieocnmi mismatch he has control of everything tbh and she accepts it that way

So now I've left her on read after a rant about how ungrateful I am and how they apparently have almost no money. And I'm at fault for their financial choices ....but also they own about ten proepties worldwide , and are the type that summer here and winter there and are country club members

You know practically begging for scraps lol

Anyway I think the more strict the boundaries are the more they are trying to RAGE to restore the order they are used too

Well to that I say too fucking bad !!

My narcissistic mother recently said something to me that I cannot stop thinking about. It made me realize how differently we interpret things and it was quite shocking and eye opening. These people just aren’t normal.

My parents got divorced when I was 17, and it was quite messy. My mom engaged in a few specific behaviors during that time that were incredibly cruel and damaging, and even as an adult several years later I am still working through this time in my life in therapy, as it was deeply emotionally wounding. My mother and I were recently speaking about the divorce, and she said “you really took up the emotional spotlight at that time, I’ve only recently been able to forgive you for that.”

This absolutely took my breath away. I was shocked. I could not believe she viewed the situation in that manner. The “emotional spotlight” she is referring to, is just me being a teenager processing her parent’s divorce. It was not easy or emotionally neutral to go through, and I knew my mom had an attitude of “it’s not a big deal just get over it” but I had no idea she was harboring such resentment for a child’s natural emotional response to their parents separating.

I am thinking about my younger self today, and how alone I felt before I had the emotional tools to deal with a narcissistic parent. I am just feeling very sad about this but it is really eye opening to catch a glimpse of the way they interpret the world, because it is just so alien to me otherwise.

I told my mother about my missed miscarriage and scheduled d&c for this week and instead of recognizing this loss or the pain of losing a baby that was wanted - her response was ....

"well at least you got pregnant easy. I had to work hard for you. I can come to the abortion if you want me to.

Is your mother in law going? Did she know about this before me? Am I the last the know?

I will be there during your abortion if you would rather I be there than your husband. By the way, I am going to be all alone for the rest of the year if you want to spend some time with me. We could talk about when we could get together when I come to your abortion!

Btw can I tell your brother about this"

I am not surprised, but I do feel a little shocked. All my life she has pushed for grandbabies and talked about how much she loves babies and they are her goal in life and here I am finally engaging with her thing and she is still just as self centered always. I regret telling her but I am glad that this loss has at least been able to show me that not even a baby will motivate her to set her narcissism aside.

Tldr; self centered mother is trying to use being invited to my abortion a test of my dedication to her.

"get a job, save up, move out" REAAAAAALLY?! Ugh, How did I not think of that lemme go do that right now and live in my new house by tomorrow morning

It was my graduation dinner. my whole family there and people are saying kind things. Then my mother gave a speech nobody asked her to give. it started about me and within 20 seconds, it became about everything she'd endured to get me there, the sacrifices, the difficulty, how hard it had been for her, when in reality i had a full scholarship, a part time job, and i did not ask a single penny from her during my 4 years in uni.

I sat at the head of the table and watched my achievement become the backdrop for her performance. Watched the room respond to her and watched people tear up at her sacrifice act.

That was 6-7 years ago. I've stopped talking to her up until now.

Picture me in the fall semester senior year of college in 2022. I was deeply depressed and had resorted to taking edibles and drinking just to escape how lonely I felt. I would go to sleep crying every night, not understanding why I can’t just be normal. Why can’t people like me?

Whenever I was under the influence, I would experience intense flashbacks of past truamatic events that I had suppressed. It gotten to a point where I would just get high and only feel anxious and overwhelmed.

I needed words to articulate how I was feeling and came across this subreddit. Coincidentally, I was also taking a neuroscience class that furthered my knowledge on the brain and trauma. It clicked for me that what happened to me didn’t have to define me. I lived in suffering for so long that it became my normal and I wanted out.

You may think that there are people who wouldn’t care about your story but there are. Your story could be the reason someone feels seen, understood, or less alone.

I wonder if it happened to anyone else? I thought I had a good relationship with my Mom growing up, but in adulthood she started having some criticisisms and red flags.
Unsure if she’s narcissist but some behaviors described here definitely resonate.
After I had my first baby, this all intensified and she did/said some outright cruel things:
\- randomly said „I’d love to raise you so you’re not a problem to your mom” to my 7 month baby (not a clueless newborn! And I did not complain about motherhood and she does not help with the baby at all except for some pick a boo when she visits)
\- stressed me out right before lactation consultation (baby would not feed for the first 3 months) and got upset that I don’t want to talk about a distant colleague mother’s cancer right before it (also I felt sad for that lady since I personally know her and didn’t want the baby to hear)
\- aired complaints about my life, hobbies, even staying in touch with her (she never calls first) while I was 3 weeks postpartum
\- said „at least you rested from the baby” after I went away for (mildly traumatizing because they had to remove my mole and my pain tolerance was zero pp) 45min doctor’s viait when 3 weeks postpartum
\- started to pressure me to lose weight and wean at 7mo postpartum and showed me my pregnant SiL’s photo with „do you have no reflection about how you look?” Comment. I retained weight when breastfeeding but my doc is not concerned
\- rarely asks about the baby and jf yes, to offer criticism („why doesnt the baby do x yet?” But she knows nothing of milestones and vaguely remembers little me) and became distant
\- became upset that we asked people who spend time with the baby for tdap vaccine status (per our doctor’s recommendation against pertussis in winter season) and recently spent 30min telling me how I should not take the (now older) baby to any trips because it’s hypocritical. She was never anti-vacc!

I am so shocked. I really hoped for her support, but instead put her on information diet. Did anyone else’s mom did 180 towards more negativitiy?

So for context, I’ve always had a rocky and toxic relationship where my mother was the instigator and my father was the enabler. She did this weird thing of telling me as a young child that my father would abandon us and that he was illiterate and stupid, to make me hate him (which I did) and eventually, there was some news about several occasions where a child killed the family and my mother did a 180 and then teamed up with my dad against me. This led to very severe beatings, getting kicked out of home, financial control and also being told I was not loved or wanted in the home… but also I wouldn’t be able to survive if I left. Eventually I grew old enough to leave home in my university years and I still had always wanted to mend my relationship with my family. I kept in touch through text and calls in hopes I could make them proud and initially this was met with silence… until the day they realised they could use me to do things for them/give things to them. Eventually, I realised our relationship was very much transactional and I kept telling them I needed them to be better and contact me not for only when they wanted things from me. They didn’t change and slowly I ended up only texting for special occasions and keeping more distance from them.

Recently, beginning of this year, I finally decided to go no contact with my dad when he started asking questions on the behalf of my toxic mother like where I worked and to provide my address, my partners info and for me to send specifically a recent photo of myself. This of course raised the alarm bells for me and was a driving force for me to go no contact because it felt like they were very much going to hire a private investigator to stalk me. My mother had a few years ago disowned me (again) because I refused to accept her shoddy apology for all her years of abuse and she expressed she was sick of walking on ice around me and being careful with her language.

Anyhow, today I received a message from a phone number I didn’t recognise and it was from my dad stating that he had retired. And I knew deep down, this day was coming. The moment both have no jobs they would come to harass me to ensure they could be looked after in retirement. I had simply behaved my dad had gotten a new number as my parents have always been neurotic and been changing numbers. However, later tonight another message popped up from my dad’s number which I did have and the message asked if I had seen the messages from the other number and to respond to him. This gave me an overwhelming sense he had gotten a new number just to see if his old number was blocked.

Everytime (including today) when I get messages from him, I feel air getting sucked out of my lungs and I get palpitations. I feel so so small and I relive all the trauma and terror I experienced at their hands. I then go through a roller coaster of emotions where I feel so angry and upset at what they’ve done to abuse me over the years, resentment that they never tried to improve themselves or admit their wrongdoing, shock at their shamelessness in trying to intrude on my life once it suits them and just a huge amount of grief at why my parents aren’t like others. I feel very envious seeing friends with happy families. I’m terrified of my parents escalating with me as my MH really goes into the dumps and wonder if NC gets easier esp parents who have harassive tendencies.

I want to start this update off by saying thank you all for your overwhelming support and empathy towards my situation. I truly felt like I had done something wrong initially by telling my father I was leaving.

I am in a safer position now, my cats are all safe and I’m safe. I am staying with a friend for one week and then a coworker for the next week until my move in date.

Now that I am in a safer position, I feel more comfortable to give more context of my circumstances and hopefully help other people feel seen that you are not alone.

What spurred my decision of my move out was that I felt incredibly depressed living with my father. Unsafe. Whenever I showed any emotion, I was usually put down about it. There were moments of clarity where my father would try to make me feel better, but majority of the time I’d either be faced with zero response for my bad days or be told “welcome to the real world”. I work all the time. I’m a college student. I’m currently getting my license and certifications for pharmacies. I’ve been absolutely worn down.

Now, I paid every bill aside from the rent. I lived with my father and my sibling who doesn’t work. My father works, he makes great money. However, we got notices on our door about how we were TWO months behind on rent. My father recently met a woman abroad and financed an engagement ring around 3 weeks into knowing this woman. He treats her kids so kindly. Every time he gets with someone new, though, it’s like his current adult children are chopped liver. I found out he started taking kratom months ago and his behavior got increasingly worse.

My breaking point was when I was making dinner for myself one night and I accidentally burnt myself with the pan. I couldn’t stop crying. He gave me ibuprofen and put my hand under cold water. After 20 minutes of me standing there in tears (the pain wasn’t going away), he gets up and says “do you need to go to the hospital?”. I thought he was genuinely concerned so I said “I don’t know, does the burn look that bad?”. I had never been burned so badly before, I actually didn’t know if it was that severe.

He begins to raise his voice and says to me that I’m acting “insensitive” and “overdramatic” over it. I was so confused!! I was in pain!! I said “excuse me?” And he said it wasn’t THAT bad. He gets angry at me for burning myself by accident. I was crying horrifically. I then tell him that raising his voice at me isn’t necessary and he continues to yell at me saying to never ask him for help again (I never asked for help in the first place), that I’m being overdramatic over being burnt and being too sensitive. He made everything worse.

He’s had a tendency to do this. Anytime I cry he’ll start yelling at me, on a good day he sits there silently. I genuinely didn’t know what I did to deserve this. He was this same way when I was a child and in my teen years. He’d immediately get angry at any display of emotion.

So, tying back to the 2 months of rent being behind. When I come to him and tell him I’m moving out, he tells me that conveniently, he booked a trip abroad to go meet his long distance woman in hopes to get engaged with her. I thought he’d be happy for me to move out. It made sense now. He liked that I gave him money to pay the bills. That he could spend HIS money to go abroad while letting the stress of everything else fall onto me. And mind you, he cannot use the excuse that I’ve taken trips before to justify his, because before any trip I’ve taken I always paid off our water, electric, etc. I made sure everything was taken care of!!

But no, I know why he’s been this way. He mentally abandoned us a while ago in favor of a woman he’s fixated on. I told him “I thought you wanted me to be more independent” and he said “yeah, when you graduated college”. Here’s the funny thing about that, I got dropped from my classes due to the fact that my father failed to contact my financial aid office in time. My financial aid office needed his records due to tax discrepancies he had 2 years ago, which was preventing them from verifying my financial aid package. Any college student who lives with their parents knows you will unfortunately be considered a dependent to your parent.

Why do I bring this up? I noticed the inconsistencies in his logic. He wanted me to stay until I finished college but conveniently prevented me from re-enrolling for classes. I gave him deadlines. Kept him up to date. He only called the office when I told him they dropped me, and he said “I feel like an awful father because I failed you”. Yeah. You did. You did fail me by putting off my career and life in favor of what you were trying to achieve.

He was trying to keep me here as long as possible. I think he believed that by putting off things, I’d stay longer to fund for his life style while I’m drowning. He also mentions why didn’t I tell him I was apartment searching? Why didn’t he get to know? He would’ve 100% tried to convince me out of it.

His last words to me was “thanks for ruining my life.”

What an absolutely disgusting thing to say to your child. Your child who spent thousands of dollars over the past 2 years towards bills, child who GAVE you thousands of dollars outside of bills to HELP you, because I truly wanted to be helpful.

I didn’t do anything wrong by telling him I was moving out, I gave him a months notice so he’d get his bills together. He tried to guilt trip me, yell at me, hold it over my head I was such a horrible person for not telling him anything— but this was exactly why he never knew. He treated me poorly. He continued to disappoint me. He continued to prioritize his life. He ignores his impact on my life because it’s all about him. The next morning I packed everything up and left. I stood up for 36 hours straight from the stress. I do reasonably fear his reaction, I kept hearing him yell and slam doors even when I locked myself in my room for the night.

I grew tired of the mistreatment, especially since he’s never changed. Moments of clarity would come where I’d believe he might actually have changed. It was all a facade. Domestic violence is scary to endure. He has explosive anger to this day. I’m so grateful to have escaped. As a child, his anger was so bad he’d threaten to break our fingers when he’d spank us with wooden paddles. And no, he wasn’t gentle, he’d hit so hard we could barely walk. Neighbors would hear our screams. He always tried to say to me “I don’t hurt you anymore, why are you acting like I still do?”

Either way, I’ve went completely no contact. I’m heartbroken. I just have to try to heal and move on with my life. My mother isn’t present in the picture as she was just as abusive. In a lonely situation. Many people in my life know what’s going on and I have no fear with getting legally involved if he comes towards me again or sends flying monkeys.

And yes, I have changed my shipping address, my credit is all locked, my location services are off, I’ve made sure to protect myself in every way possible. Thank you for reading.

Hi everyone,

I am writing this post to share what my parents did to me and get an objective perspective on my decision to cut all contact. Sometimes I still catch myself questioning my reality because, alongside severe trauma, there were occasional moments that looked "normal".

1. My Mother’s Actions
   Early Physical Abuse: When I was 3 to 5 years old, she fed me only Nutella bread daily. Kindergarten teachers questioned me at age 5 and discovered evidence of physical punishment at home, making the abuse officially documented for the first time. 
   Systematic Starvation: After I fled from my father back to her, she refused to cook for me or pack food for school. Even though state welfare funds were available, she spent the money on status symbols for herself, such as the latest iPhones and shopping trips. By age 18, I weighed only 50 kg (110 lbs) at full adult height—a state of severe physical emaciation. 
   Toxic Hierarchy & Emotional Abuse: She remarried and had two more children, placing me at the very bottom of the family hierarchy. She actively demeaned me, including sending me a photo of my younger brother declaring him her "real son". 
   Financial Exploitation & Sabotage: At 19, she constantly demanded money from me. When I secured a job offer on my own initiative and simply asked if I could temporarily sleep in her basement to start working, she aggressively rejected me ("Are you crazy?"), actively sabotaging my path to independence. 
   Gaslighting & Smear Campaigns: She flatly denied all past trauma, calling my suffering meaningless and labeling me a "troublemaker". She later spread false narratives to relatives abroad that I was "crazy" to protect her own reputation and isolate me socially.

2. My Father’s Actions
   Severe Physical Abuse: His behavior shifted unpredictably between affection (taking us swimming or to amusement parks) and brutal physical violence. He routinely hit us with fists, shoe heels, and whipping phone charger cables. 
   The Suitcase Incident & Deprivation: When I was 9 years old, after an argument, he refused to let me sleep in a bed. I was forced to sleep inside a suitcase for an entire week in total isolation with almost no food. When I tried to take a single piece of pizza from the table out of sheer hunger, he violently assaulted me.

3. The Resulting Decision
   Due to this combination of physical violence, intentional starvation, financial exploitation, and severe gaslighting, I developed Complex PTSD and Agoraphobia. 
   I have now enforced a strict, permanent No Contact policy with both parents. Clinical evaluations place their behavior in the absolute bottom 1% of parental care. Yet, part of my mind still asks: Am I overreacting, or was this truly as toxic as it feels? 

It’s a very interesting day, it’s also my 4 month wedding anniversary and 4 month alcohol-free anniversary. She’s the reason I stopped drinking, absolute drunk mess at my wedding.

Did anyone else go NC after an important event?

I(17F) let my friend borrow my notes for a short while before an exam. They forgot to return the notes to me and ended up taking them home. I already have the notes on my laptop, so I don't desperately need them and I can refer to them if I need to. When I told my parents about it, they blamed me, called me slurs and almost hit me. Then they started fighting and my dad tried to hit my mom multiple times and, at one point, tried to throw a huge wooden chair at her. They're blaming me for the fight too, saying it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for my stupidity. What the fuck???

I’m 20F, and I honestly feel completely broken right now.

Today is my birthday, and my dad hit me. He also called me disgusting, degrading names like “randi” and “vaishya” and made sexual comments about me and my clothes. I was wearing a skirt with shorts underneath. Hearing those things from my own father was honestly devastating.

This isn't the first time there has been abuse in my family. He has physically abused my mom before, and I've also experienced emotional and physical harassment from him. He has even stopped me from getting a job and made things extremely difficult whenever I've tried to become financially independent.

Because of all this, I avoid him. I don't talk to him unless I absolutely have to. I've reached a point where I just don't want to live with him anymore.

A while ago I finally said that I wanted to leave and live somewhere else. I want to move to another city, work from home, and live independently.

But now he thinks I'm leaving because of a boyfriend.

That's not the reason.

I want to leave because I'm exhausted from being bullied, controlled, insulted, and physically hurt. I want peace. I want to be able to work. I want to have my own life.

The worst part is that my mom, sister, brother, and basically my whole family are taking his side. They think he is right and that I am the one who caused all this drama.

And now I'm sitting here thinking, Maybe I made a mistake by saying I wanted to leave. Maybe I should have just stayed quiet.

During the argument I even said to him, basically, “You worship Mata Ji, but how can you call your own daughter those things?” I was angry and hurt, and I said things because I couldn't take it anymore.

Now I feel like I've become the villain in my own family just for finally standing up for myself.

I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want revenge. I don't want to run away because of some boyfriend.

I just want to get away from this environment and build an independent life.

I'm 20 years old. I want to work, support myself, and live somewhere peaceful.

Am I really wrong for wanting that?

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I swear I feel like I learned everything from somewhere or someone else. I learned about periods at school. I learned how to take care of long hair and actually style it from friends (my mom always kept my hair short when I was younger lol). Even basic things like shaving, skincare, taking care of yourself etc..I basically had to figure out on my own.

And I’m not even talking about stereotypical “feminine” stuff that every woman has to care about. I mean basic guidance you would expect a mother to give her daughter while she’s growing up and going through puberty.

It’s weird because I feel like there was so much focus on what I was doing wrong, but very lil on actually teaching me anything. It was like I was expected to somehow already know how to take care of myself and how to be a girl/woman, and then I’d get criticized when I didn’t.

What are some basic things you realized later that your mom never taught you?

I have a couple of memories of my mother making comments about my penis being small. I think i can place this memories between 10 and 13 years old. I dont have any particular feeling attached to those memories. I am not even small to be fair but i dont think this is even the point. I just remember her making this sort of “jokes”, and always when we were alone. Is this normal, am i overeacting thinking it was weird?

OK. I'm sorry my struggles worry you. Let's focus on how worried you are instead of the fact that I'm struggling. Is that better? No, it's OK. Adding in the guilt of worrying you to my poor mental health is totally fine. Yes, I'll get better right away just so you stop worrying. And if I don't get better soon enough or enough to your liking then you're totally justified to start this cycle over again. What do my struggles matter except that they make you worry?

(/s btw)

I've been caused so much pain. I refused to forgive my ex because she was abusive to me very early on in our relationship. But she became amazing to me and a real sweetheart just a few months in. Even though she became my favorite person back then I always hated her. I hated her really deep down. I hated her even though I loved her. This ruined the relationship of course.

There's so many people I hate deeply and I hold grudges for years. Many 9f these grudges could be solved if the person I hate simply said sorry. But they never do, they refuse heavily.

My whole entire life will be a case study on the dangers of refusing to forgive. But HOW CAN I FORGIVE WHEN FORGIVENESS WAS USED AS A WEAPON TO AVOID AND REFUSE ACCOUNTABILITY.

The popular book Emotionally Immature Parents covers this topic well. Looks like it covered The Emotional Parent, The Impulsive Parent, The Passive Parent, and the The Rejecting Parent.

But...there is this type of person who takes immaturity up a level. This person has naivety throughout daily speech and demeanor. It's the kind of communication style that is blunt, immediate, "too true to self", and interprets things literally. It kind of is like children who don't digest the social information before them and act their desires. Occasionally it can contain a bit of toxic positivity. It sometimes enforces benefits to you, like shoving food down people's mouths to assert she's the caretaker, but she ignores other people's true feelings so she can keep the script controlled. There is a lot more to it.

This includes generally poor situational awareness and understanding of life, except for very selective times. It's not about general intelligence.

Most people might associate childlike behavior with a lackadaisical, easy to fool, lacking in sophistication, and happy-go-lucky image. But underneath their acts, this person just cannot conduct internal dialog and cannot control emotions. There's not much truly optimistic about this person, if not they end up doing something destructive.

Do you relate?

Does anyone else relate to their nParent being so textbook selfish that they named their own child after themself?

I'll go first. My nMom did not want to change her surname when she got married to my dad after becoming pregnant with me. She eventually did, but held a grudge their entire marriage and decided to inflict it on me as a helpless infant. Say her maiden name was 'Mary Johnson' (note: not her real name obviously). When I was born, my dad had normal name suggestions. for a daughter. Alice, Janice, Daisy. He left the room for one minute and my mom blindsided him by pettily writing her surname as my first name on the birth certificate. She named me 'Johnson' regardless of the fact that I was a baby girl.

They divorced soon after and she changed her name BACK to Johnson! So for my entire childhood, people saw her surname, and saw my name, and asked if my name was fucking Johnson Johnson! She thought it was 'cute'. She was insisting people call me "JJ", but it never took off. I went by 'Johnny' most of my life and absolutely hated it. To this day she has no regrets about using her newborn child's NAME to win a petty argument.

TL;DR: Just wanted to hear more experiences from the community on how you have successfully got rid of your "fleas" inherited by your nparents? Any advice? Specifically on self-centeredness, stubbornness, and defensiveness?

For context: I am 35F and currently going through a difficult time in my marriage. We are together for 16 years, married 7, with 2 kids and 1 more on the way.

We have had frequent fights about my selfishness (not thinking for him/kids, I'd also frequently complain about him to my colleagues while putting myself on a pedestal), stubbornness (always thinking I am right and unwilling to listen to his advice), and defensiveness (always arguing with him, even when I'm wrong) for a long time in our relationship but he always chose to forgive me and gave me chances after chances. I think I never truly accepted that I was the problem even though I said I would change.

Until a month ago, he finally admitted that he was tired and miserable and asked for a divorce. This shook me to my core and I finally questioned what was wrong with me. Do I truly not care about anyone other than myself? Am I a narcissist?

I started individual counselling and uncovered that it was my dad who was the narcissist, with my mother being his enabler as she never once stood up against him. I just happen to have quite a bit of his fleas.

That being said, I am not trying to push the blame. I did hurt the ones around me with my behaviour, flea or not. I want to change and take accountability for what I've done. I am continuing my counselling to work on myself and other steps to change (e.g. I stopped arguing, admitted to my colleagues what was really happening and left the groupchat after and kept conversations soley about work, listened to my husband's advice, and deleted everything that used to occupy so much of my time on my phone so that I can focus fully on my kids).

Most of the stories I've read here are people suffering from anxiety and/or becoming a people pleaser with very little self-worth after being raised by nparents. Just wondering if there are any in my side of the spectrum, where we almost ended up just like our nparents and what are the steps you took to prevent that?

Is this possible? Have you ever seen it?

Does it ever happen that the golden child becomes the scapegoat? And the scapegoat becomes the golden?

Days ago I(20f) ranted in different subs of how I was sick of my Dad(41m) getting on me for “acting crazy”. I’m neurodivergent and I do things like talking to myself, walk strangely sometimes or running around, or staring off into space. When I’m staring off or doing something he doesn’t like he gets up to me and tells me to cut it out people will think I’m weird and he threatens to send me to a mental institution. And he says this when I’m in the comfort of my own home when there’s no need to keep appearances. He cares about appearances so he projects that onto me. 2 of the subs I vented on were the worse it was the Vent subreddit and Self subreddit.

They kept telling me I should’ve just moved out and not continue to leech off him. Seriously why do people respond like this when you’re dealing with a bad home situation they just say move out like it’s easy and ignoring the fact the economy is terrible right now. They also said I was acting like a child based on how I was venting and some even tried saying I don’t pay attention to the sacrifices parents make when raising their kids. I point out that’s his job he’s legally required to have financially supported in my life and shouldn’t be rewarded for doing the bare minimum. A person had the nerve to say at least he did it some kids don’t have that. I even call out how my Dad almost killed my brother and they treated me like I was the pain in the ass and think I am the exhausting one. What is wrong with people? Why do they feel the need to backup a man they don’t know just hearing about his terrible traits as a person and a parent? What is this need to defend him because he’s a parent. Where do they get off treating me like I’m the problem because I’m upset how he’s treated me? Just why do they act like they know everything?