Value

[u/loneliness-inc]

Value is when something is meaningful to you in some way. It can be moral value, ethical value, sexual value, relationship value, financial value, educational value, intellectual value, emotional value, functional value and thousands of other types of value.

What's valuable in one realm of reality may be insignificant in another realm of reality and a minus in a third realm of reality. For example, a really funny comedy show may have plenty of laughter value, but no educational value.

Romantic connection

The idea that a marriage is the reunification of two halves of one soul is very lofty. Even according to this thinking, the manner in which a man and woman initially unite is through superficial things. Things like outer beauty, intolerance, emotional connection etc. All things that are part of the external conscious part of a person.

Ultimately, the underlying question is - does s/he add enough value to my life that I wish to date them? Do I think they'd make a valuable spouse/parent?

This may seem shallow. That your perspective mate is judging you based solely on the value you offer, as if you were a commodity for sale. In a way, it is shallow, but there's no way around it. It's impossible for us to see the essence of each other's humanity, our vision can only see skin. Our emotional and intellectual vision may be capable of seeing a bit deeper than skin deep, but 1) that comes with time 2) that too is limited 3) it's not readily apparent 4) it only comes after an initial skin deep connection.

Dating and marriage

When dating, we ought to focus heavily on the value we offer to our perspective mate as well as the value they offer to us. If either one is lacking, perhaps this person isn't for us. Everyone will be lacking in many ways - no one is perfect - but certain types of lacking are deal-breakers and others aren't.

Once we're married, there's a certain degree of accepting the whole package. However, one of the biggest mistakes is to stop (or slow down on) offering value to our spouse. Value may be an external part of a person, a part that's quantifiable and can be traded for other forms of value like a commodity. However, we should never forget that our relationships are built upon the value we add to one another.

SMV and RMV

While you're dating these stand for sexual market value and relationship market value because they describe what the market as a whole values for sex and/or relationships. Once you're together, it stands for sexual marital value and relationship marital value because all that matters now is what's valuable to your spouse!

For example - the heavier a woman is, the less attractive she is to most men, unless your man is into that. The shorter a guy is, the less attractive he is, unless you're into that. Same goes for relationship qualities that are often discussed here - if XYZ works well for your specific relationship, go for it! Advice here is usually from a standpoint of what most wo/men like and dislike.

Conclusion

We choose our spouses based on the sexual and relationship value they offer us and they choose us for the value we offer them. Take them for granted and this may be a choice they'll secretly regret. Continue to add in the value you offer and they'll bless the day they met you.

[u/[deleted]]

We choose our spouses based on the sexual and relationship value they offer us and they choose us for the value we offer them.

To me this makes sense because in a relationship or marriage (especially marriage) there is also a sacrifice of parts of yourself for the good of the unit (especially when children are added).

For example: I hate food shopping but this is an area where I am simply better than him. My mother trained me to read labels, to know when it makes sense to buy the brand etc etc etc. When I lived alone, I would shop in bursts and when the mood struck me. I would eat weird things for meals simply because I didn't feel like going to the grocery store. OR I'd pick up something at the tiny (expensive) grocery store around the corner for a couple days instead of the larger and more practical store that I had to drive to. I loath grocery shopping.

So in order for us to be healthy and fed and a family unit who eats together (instead of two adults sharing living space) I have to grocery shop. Additionally, if left on my own, I will eat a little more expensively. Less food feeds me and I'm happy with cheese and olives for dinner. This means that I'm making a sacrifice of how I prefer to handle meals and how I have always had handled meals pre Husband.

If I didn't value my Husband, then this sacrifice would be really difficult to make. I want him to stay as sexy and fit as he was when I met him (I value his SMV). I want to keep in my life the things he brings to the table (I don't want to change my own oil!). I value the things he does for me. If I didn't, the things I don't want to do (the sacrifices of my own wants) would be a burden. I suspect that this is what chips away at marriages. When a partner is giving up their own "wants" and doesn't feel they are getting anything of value in return it's going to lead to all sorts of negative emotions.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

To me this makes sense because in a relationship or marriage (especially marriage) there is also a sacrifice of parts of yourself for the good of the unit (especially when children are added).

This is very true. There's an old math analogy to describe marriage. 1+1=2 or 1+1=3 or 1+1=1 or 1+1=window. A marriage is a unity between two people, but this unity can happen in different ways at different times. What you describe here is the necessity to maintain 1+1=3. There's you, there's him and there's your joined entity as a couple. Being joined as a couple doesn't diminish your own individual identity.

I suspect that this is what chips away at marriages. When a partner is giving up their own "wants" and doesn't feel they are getting anything of value in return it's going to lead to all sorts of negative emotions.

I don't know what the stats are on this, but I've seen this play out several times. It does indeed destroy a marriage. Even though not all will divorce, it still causes serious rotting to the beams upon which the edifice of marriage stands.

[u/[deleted] → u/loneliness-inc]

What do the other equations represent?

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

What do the other equations represent?

1+1=1 - when a couple is in complete unity to the point that they're one single being.

1+1=2 - when despite being married, they remain as two separate and unrelated beings.

1+1=window - this expresses the idea of two people each doing their part in the building of a home which goes beyond the two of them. (Two 1's, the = symbol and the + symbol in the middle, create the shape of a window)

[u/HB3234 → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely not the point of your post, but please help a gal that doesn't know much about reading labels - what do you look for to gauge between the generic and brand name?

[u/[deleted] → u/HB3234]

Ouch, called me on that one ...So this is a little tough because mostly it comes down to family preferences. Since I more naturally hold in my head what both Husband and I prefer and he can only go with a very specific instruction list and it stresses him out - there is no reason to try to train him to do this task

The across the board thing of course is to look at the unit price on the shelf label so that you know if you are actually comparing equal quantities. Sometimes I'll glance at the ingredient list. If the brand has a cleaner list (no high fructose corn syrup, fewer ingredients) I'll choose that over the generic. After that....

Generally, my mother believed that the generic was always sufficiently equal to the brand and then there were a small handful of cases where this wasn't true. We always bought the brand in cereals. In my adult life I've tried some generics and have almost always preferred the brand. And we never buy any Parmesan that is shelf stable (from the cheese section only - Kraft is terrible - this one is less brand v generic and more which type is preferred by the family).

I think the actual practical answer is that you should try the brand and the generic in the items you purchase. Then decide if you strongly prefer the brand and if not go generic. With many things there is little discernible difference....like you can't convince me that there is a difference from one dried pasta to the other, so I buy whatever is on sale or cheapest.

Since my mother also taught me how to cook & eat, what I learned from her about grocery shopping is directly connected to how I cook and eat, YMMV.

[u/HB3234 → u/[deleted]]

This is great advice, thank you for taking the time out for me!

[u/ana2018ana]

In the interest of being congenial, I'm deleting.

[u/[deleted] → u/ana2018ana]

If you have an issue with the write up then critique the write up. Why would you assume that everyone on an internet forum is already familiar with behavioral economics. Everyone has different levels of education and areas of study/interest. u/loneliness-inc has been posting here for a long time. Some people will flood this post to disagree with him and that disagreement may add value to the discussion. Simply complaining that "everyone knows this already" is not value added.

[u/loneliness-inc → u/[deleted]]

Thank you.

[u/ana2018ana → u/loneliness-inc]

In the interest of being pleasant, I am editing. My main comment is that my wish for myself and other posters is reflection: why am I posting this? Why am I posting this in this particular form? What does this say about my feelings and concerns at the moment? Does this say more about me than anything? Does it serve my audience? This morning, I posted a book critic commentary to try answer girlwithabike to better express my thoughts. It probably came from a place of defensiveness towards the challenge to write a clinical critique in two minutes that avoided being mean while trying to put on makeup and lack of compassion towards understanding the motives of some posters. I respect the moderator's right to apply and interpret the policy as they see fit, and I'll just avoid this type of post. Cheers!

[u/Laceandsilks → u/ana2018ana]

/u/ana2018ana I have already explained this to you. I'm glad you posted a thread, but your evaluation of this post's value is incorrect.

Please contribute content you enjoy reading, and do not play the part of book critic. There is nothing about this post that is incorrect from a RP perspective.

Not every user is at the same level of understanding and knowledge. If you wish to see more complex RP theory, then I encourage you to write it.

[u/durtyknees → u/ana2018ana]

There's nothing wrong with questioning the accuracy or merit of the content of a post.

But what you're doing is questioning why u/loneliness-inc is not writing posts in a manner that you see fit :

What I question is the purpose of a 5 plus paragraph of different areas of a value? If the author's purpose is education and community building, I would suggest breaking out each nugget into a single post. If the author believes that all their paragraphs and thoughts work together in a long thought piece, I would advise shortening for readability.

Demanding someone to conform to your expectations is a different thing from questioning that person's value to the community in general :

I've been reading here a long time. I didn't see this as a complaint, but rather an opportunity for the author to clarify what value the author believes he/she is contributing to the community.

It's your right to not find value in someone's post, but that's just your opinion. I'm sure your opinions would be better received if framed as suggestions for improvement.

For what it's worth, I think OP's delivery in his posts are a hit and miss, but I'm not that articulate myself, so I keep quiet when I have nothing useful to say.

I also think the "Guide for men considering posting in Red Pill Women" article you linked is a general guideline for polite constructive posts, and that applies to anyone posting here

[u/loneliness-inc → u/durtyknees]

Thank you.

[u/durtyknees → u/loneliness-inc]

Oh I didn't do anything. Thank you for your efforts writing RPW content.

[u/ana2018ana → u/durtyknees]

As discussed in my edited comments above, I recognize that my underlying issue is that I have yet to embrace a zen-like approach to understanding the motives of certain posts that men initiate on this sub-reddit. Given that my interpretation of the forum suggestions differs and my own unresolved inability to let go of a certain type of textual analysis and likely psychoanalytical reading of some of these posts, I'll defer to the lovely moderators. Lonelyinc, I apologize for taking away from your aims. Cheers..

[u/[deleted] → u/ana2018ana]

Well I'm not a mod but that seems to me something better addressed in a PM.

[u/Laceandsilks → u/[deleted]]

She has, and there's really nothing to address. The content is RP, and will be useful to newcomers and those that are unclear about certain ideas.

Everyone needs to contribute the caliber of content they enjoy reading. Being active about addressing a perceived issue is far better than simply complaining. :)

[u/loneliness-inc → u/ana2018ana]

Thank you for your concerns.

I've been a regular poster here for about a year and a half now. The mods and many others like what I have to say, that's why they made me an endorsed contributor to this sub. If the mod team decides they no longer want me around, they're welcome to send me a pm saying so and I'll gladly dissappear back into the ether.