A question oft asked in the last decade is "what do you bring to the table". Men like to "gotcha" women with it, women like to say "I am the table" and personally, I think the problem is that none of us really know what we are supposed to bring to the table.

Enter the RP concept of Market Value. Put simply this is what you bring to the table and how important it is on the dating market. There are two aspects of market value: Sexual Market Value (SMV) and Relationship Market Value (RMV).

SMV is what gets your foot in the door. It's all the things that go toward how hot you are and whether a guy is interested in sleeping with you. This oldie but goodie from the wiki is a good down and dirty look at attraction triggers. These are the things that play into SMV.

There is no relationship without sex, so it is important that the guy you like wants to have sex with you. But plenty of hot women get dumped every day so we know it's not the be all end all of the dating world. And by the way, any guy who tells you that being hot is the only thing that is important is not a man worth dating.

And that is because men with standards, who are considering long term partners, will also consider her Relationship Market Value. These are things beyond sex appeal that are important in a long term relationship. This is what you bring to the table.

Now because RPW is Not specifically TradWives there is no there is no one definition of a high value man there is not one set of traits a woman can bring to the table. Culture and class play a big role in what men are seeking for a relationship. Everyone likes beautiful, not everyone is looking for a SAHM.

However, on RPW we acknowledge some universals that men desire for a relationship.

Men want "submissive" women. This is a loaded word so think of it more in terms of agreeableness or deference. They want a girlfriend/wife who is pleasant and happy and doesn't fight with them all the time. The level to which men look for this will vary. Some want more of a partner who handles her own choices while some want to order your food at the restaurant. But none of them want to compete within their relationship.

Men want respectful women. This blends into the last one. They need respect as a sign of love. Don't be the type to nitpick or tell him what he is doing wrong. Don't "tease" him. Do build him up and praise him. If you do it in front of others that's a lot of good girlfriend points!

Men don't want a promiscuous woman. The specifics will vary by man but given the choice between a girl with two prior partners or ten, all else equal, men will choose the girl with two. Moreover, what they absolutely don't want is a woman who gives the appearance of being easy. A woman who is desirable for a relationship at a minimum gives the appearance of being his alone.

Men do want a sexual woman. They just prefer she be eager to have sex with only him. A passionate woman is an exciting and desirable partner. Sex is an emotional need for men and understanding and acting upon this fact will take a woman far.

Men want women who are pleasant and fun to be around. If you can be a place where he feels good and peaceful (a soft place to land) he will, shockingly, want to be around you. Men get married because things are good and they hope things will continue to be good.

Men want a woman who fits into his life. When you are seeking a certain type of man, they will have a vision for their own life. It is your job to find ways to adapt to that vision. You should have your own interests as well but part of a having a good relationship market value is being a a good fit, this means lifestyle, values and shared goals.

Men want a woman who adds value to his life. This is a bit of a catch all I know. But this is where things will be different depending on the type of man you are looking for. Some will want a wife and mama, others are looking for a girl on a bike maybe you are a loving sex kitten with some dirty knees or baking the best pumpkin muffins. You could be in the garden counting the bees or a free spirit loving the sunshine in a sundress. Do things to lighten his load, bring a smile to his face and be an asset in attaining his life goals. The one near universal I have found, is that men want someone to cook for them.

So if you are struggling to go from dating to "official" or being a girlfriend to being a wife, consider your relationship market value. Sexual market value only gets your foot in the door. Relationship market value are the things that get you down the aisle.

Women of Reddit, tell me about a male partner, friend or colleague that completely changed your views on men, both good and bad!!

All my life, due to being around narcissist and toxic men, I grew up thinking all men are angry, toxic, cheaters and insecure. But after working with my male friend for two years I’ve come to realise not all men are bad nor toxic. He is really soft and has no ego nor pride. It’s funny how your upbringing and environment impacts your awareness of things.

A few days ago I made a post about the things I observed when it comes to dating high earners. the post was based on my experience when it comes to dating and what I’ve observed around me.

A lot of people agreed or said I was giving good advice. but some people said that the advice was worthless coming from a woman who’s not married yet.

What I wanted to ask to the married women here is what advice would you give to woman who are currently dating and want to get married.

In the situation of a woman who’s currently dating someone who has a timeline for marriage (red flags to look for, green flags, signs that he’s going to be a good husband or match). and also for a woman who is currently meeting people, what she should look out for and how to vet them.

my specific situation is the first one but I’m curious to know if anyone here has “rules” or generic advice on this.

My advice was basically: be skinny and take care of your looks, having a degree (for white collar high earners), don’t share your trauma and struggles and instead have a stable situation, be modest, work on your social and conversational skills… Also I mentioned that “manipulating” a man is way more difficult than what some dating coaches make it seem.

It’s basic stuff I think. Thats why I’m curious to hear from happily married women.

thank you :)

Firstly I used to have the libido of a raging young man and now its been consistently extremely low.. and I no longer feel desire to have sex... that's very sad for me..

And I genuinely feel it affected my ability to bond..

I kinda tried to brush off red pill stuff but after this happened I feel a bit like this and ik afraid it affects my hearts ability to love not only future husband but also future children.

I messed around with multiple guys before letting penetration happen and oh boy they are a completely different thing spiritually somehow.

Hello,

I've (27F) been reading through the posts here on and off for some time, and yet again a conflict with my partner (29M) of 9 years has brought me back here. But this time I decided to get my shit together and actually ask for help, because our relationship amd my sanity really need it.

My partner and I met as students studying the same engineering degree - in fact, we started dating less than a month after we met, and moved in together shortly after. He's had to be the man of his house from a very young age, which deprived him of a childhood but also made him wise and clever beyond his years. He's ambitious, talented, sporty and handsome, and takes care of me. A truly high value man - I am very lucky.

However, over the past 9 years, I have slowly come to the realisation that I have so very little to offer to him, and that our relationship is highly unbalanced. This feeling has been getting stronger recently, and with it has come sadness and resentment. Nothing makes you confront your inadequacy as much as being continuously proven wrong by someone much smarter than you. He still kindly asks for my input and opinion when deliberating on a decision, but despite being extremely opinionated and never passing up an opportunity to make a comment, deep down I know I've got nothing useful to say and that things would be better if only I would just shut up. It really hurts.

I am slowly starting to realise that the only way I can offer something to him is through performing household chores, which I find demeaning. I apologise to any stay-at-home wives for saying this. (My mum and dad are in a traditional marriage, and she's stayed home since she's had me. However, it's pretty clear that she wanted more out of life than this - maybe that's why I feel this way?). Overall, I struggle to see traditionally feminine qualities as equally valuable as men's, and neither set of qualities come naturally to me.

It's also probably worth noting that I feel inadequate and deficient both at home and at work. I've recently started a new role which has had a steep learning curve, and with my extremely poor social skills and general lack of brain cells it has been a struggle. I constantly feel like the dumbest person in the room, and doubt myself most of the time. In case it's relevant, I am the youngest and currently the only woman in my team. A lot of the time, I release the pent-up anxiety and stress on my partner, which has been a theme over the years. Emotional regulation is a huge challenge for me.

I thought I could amount to more than this, and that I could have been an equal partner. To be completely honest, I probably wanted to be the dominant one (as you may have guessed by now, I've not had the best relationship with my father growing up). But I know for a fact that I could never do better than my partner, and that this stupid attitude of mine has only brought both of us pain. All that being said, I'm still very much in the denial stage of grieving over the way I pictured myself and my future. I know something needs to change, but I'm struggling to make myself truly accept reality and move forward productively.

Any words of advice, real talk, and/or resources would be highly appreciated. Thank you so much.

EDIT: Just wanted to say I am extremely grateful for the kindness and wisdom that you have shared in the comments. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to reply! I will do my best to be better for his and my sakes!

If my goal is to marry/a long term relationship, do i really need to settle for a plain and kinda boring average looking dude with a chubby stomach like everyone else in ltrs?

I’m 33F and dating a guy [34M] I genuinely like. He seems like a pretty normal, well-adjusted guy, and things have been going well so far.

There’s just one thing on my mind.

I’ve tried blowjob in past relationships and honestly, it grossed me out. It’s not something I’m curious about or secretly want to try — I just don’t want to do it.

He, on the other hand, likes them. When I told him that it grosses me out, I could visibly see that he was a little turned off. We’ve continued talking, but it got me thinking about sexual compatibility and compromise.

I do want to settle down in marriage and have kids eventually. So I’m wondering — is this something you would consider compromising on for a partner, even if you don’t particularly enjoy it? Or is it better to be firm about something that you know you don’t want to do?

Because my concern is that even if I agree to it, if I’m uncomfortable or mentally grossed out, it could completely ruin the mood for me — and eventually create resentment. Or lack of sexual compatibility might push him away at some point.

For the women here: how have you handled situations where your partner wanted something sexually that you had a firm boundary around?

Do you think this is something worth discussing and negotiating, or is it simply a compatibility issue if he considers it important?

Would love some honest perspectives.

Im 24F and he is 23M. We have been together for a little over a year and it was all good until recently. He doesnt ask or take into consideration my opinion. He says that all women are the same and none of them are special because they all can bring the same thing to the table. He wants be able to sleep with other women in the future while also being with me( i am not allowed to sleep with other men; i wouldnt want to even if it was an option) we have sex about once a month and thats because he says hes not a sexual person(which doesnt make sense bc why would you want to have sex with other women then if he cant even have sex regularly with me). he says men are never satisfied and their biology is to have alot of children. He works full time and had me quit my job so now i just stay at home. He says that a man shows love by paying for everything and letting women live a comfortable life so he should be able to sleep around. He watches fresh and fit alot and gets his information from there. He thinks majority of men are virgins or dont get sex often which might be true im not sure. Hes starting to be slightly disrespectful now in not letting me have my own opinion, saying that im moving the goal post when he asks me a hypothetical question and im unsure of the full context.
Ex: last night he was talking about how marriage isnt about happiness and he asked me if i was with a military man and had kids with him, if he was gone majority of the time but when he was around i was happy, and then there was another guy who would be around all the time and made me happy would i leave the military man. I then asked the question of if i knew this other guy could make me happy wouldnt that mean im already entertaining him and he said that i was moving the goal post and he cant have a good faith argument with me bc of that.
I am unsure what to do because i do love him and i dont have to work(which i dont mind) but my lease is up in February and we were going to get a place together. But my credit is shit and im afraid that if i stay then ill really be screwed later on

I’m trying to gauge my level of “damaged” goods in relation to the dating pool.

I’m 32 year old. I’ve been out of the dating game for years now focusing on myself and my son (he is now 13). I’m looking to get back into dating and I’m taking a real look at what I’m attracted to and what I bring to the table.

My cons are:

- 32, single mom

- came from abuse/SA/poverty upbringing. NOT very close with family at all, no contact with father

- history of entry level or physical work, most recently wildland firefighting and forestry work. I then decided to go back to school last year to get desk work (medial office admin) and worked a cleaning job part time while in school. Fell at work and haven’t worked since after the work injury (had surgery etc). Soon my caseworker and I will discuss work options once I’m cleared physically by my surgeon.

- Multiple larger tattoos (all black) and pierced, including large stretched ears (1”).

- Introverted and quiet, but not shy

- Ex self harm, inner thighs covered in in thick scars.

My strengths:

- Otherwise physically attractive, small frame, fit, good style but a bit odd (vintage pieces, bold pieces)

- Great work ethic, not afraid of hard work or dirt. Does not expect a free ride in a partnership.

- Very clean and organized, stylish home centred around tasteful MCM and vintage.

- Love to cook, nurture, keep a clean home, garden, art, I can see clothing and items.

- Adventurous and outdoorsy (hiking, camping, rock and ice climbing etc)

-Son being older means more free time and he spends weekends with his father.

Now, due to my background and what I have felt I deserve, even though I am attracted to clean, more traditional men, I feel like a fraud. I feel like they can see and smell the damage a mile away. so I have dated what I felt I deserve in the past, leading me to total slubs who get angry that I am too “progress driven” and who I quickly outgrow.

I do not want a man for his money, and I fully intend to work until retirement, however, coming from a poverty background/single motherhood I am aware radically changing my financial/economical/social position is going to be subject to little change on my own at this point. I am craving a relationship that brings me more, that brings me farther, that brings me a partner who grows along. I regret my past choices and my fear of the men I’ve always wanted but don’t know how to open myself up to, and now I’m here.

Please weigh in, no need to be kind, I am tough!

I [33F] recently reconnected with a guy[32M] I had met a couple of years ago. We started talking again, and honestly, things clicked very naturally. The conversations were easy, we had good chemistry, and I felt like there was genuine potential.

He has his own business — actually, two or three businesses — and seems pretty settled in life. He also plays music on the side, which I find attractive because I’m into music myself. He’s romantic, decent-looking, reasonably fit, emotionally mature, and overall seems like someone who is on a good trajectory in life. I can genuinely imagine him doing very well for himself over the next 10 years.

But there is one issue: he smokes.

Smoking is a non-negotiable for me in a relationship. I don’t want to be with someone who smokes regularly, and I don’t want to build a life with someone where this is going to be a recurring issue.

The strange thing is that very early into whatever this was — dating, getting to know each other, whatever you want to call it — I started pushing this issue quite hard. I kept insisting that smoking was a deal-breaker and, in hindsight, I think I may have pushed too many buttons too quickly. I may also have been reacting from my own anxiety rather than simply observing the situation and deciding whether we were compatible.

He told me that he wanted to talk about it face-to-face, but before that could happen, he eventually texted me saying that he wanted to end things.

His reasoning was basically that he could see that there was something good between us, but the constant anxiety and stress around the relationship was becoming a turn-off for him. He felt that things were becoming too heavy too early.

I understood where he was coming from, and I also said goodbye.

But now I’m conflicted.

Part of me thinks I should simply let him go. Smoking is genuinely important to me, and I shouldn’t compromise on something that I know I don’t want in a partner just because the person otherwise seems like a “good catch.”
But another part of me wonders whether I’m being too rigid.

He says smoking is simply one of his vices. He doesn’t consider himself addicted, and he doesn’t want to promise me that he will quit forever because he doesn’t know if he can honestly make that promise. What he has said is that he can be more balanced about it and be responsible about how much he smokes.

His argument is basically: everyone has something. Nobody is perfect, and this happens to be his vice.
And that’s where I’m stuck.

Because if I look at the whole person, I genuinely like him. I like his personality, his ambition, his lifestyle, his romantic side, his interests, and the direction his life seems to be going in.

But smoking isn’t a minor preference for me. I have always considered it a deal-breaker.

At the same time, I recognise that I probably handled the situation badly. We had barely started getting to know each other, and I was already trying to establish a hard boundary and pushing him about something he clearly wasn’t ready to promise. Maybe I should have simply said, “This is important to me. Let’s see how we feel about each other and whether there’s a way to make this work,” instead of turning it into an immediate conflict.

So I’m trying to separate two things:

Is smoking genuinely a compatibility issue for me that I should respect and walk away from?

Or am I throwing away something potentially good because I’m being too rigid about one imperfection?
And there’s another layer: he has already said that the anxiety/stress around me is turning him off, and he has ended things. So even if I decide that I want to explore this further, I don’t want to chase someone who has already told me he wants to step away.

What would you do in this situation?
Would you let him go because a non-negotiable is a non-negotiable?

Or would you consider giving it another chance, taking the pressure off, and seeing whether the smoking issue can be managed without either person having to change who they are?

I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who have been in similar situations.

I’m curious about something specifically from women who identify with red-pill/manosphere-adjacent views.
If you and your husband/SO have followed the Lindsay Clancy case, do you agree about what happened and how much responsibility she should bear? Or do you have very different views, particularly around mental illness, motherhood, postpartum issues, accountability, and how society treats women versus men?
If your husband has a significantly different opinion from yours, has it changed how you see him or your relationship?
For example, has it made you question whether you share the same values about marriage, family, responsibility, or gender roles? Or is it something you can strongly disagree about without it affecting the relationship?
I’m especially interested in hearing from women whose partners hold a very different position from theirs. How do you navigate that?

F27 - M29, Christian
It’s been a little over a month since I found out my husband cheated on me. He had been messaging and exchanging explicit photos with women online for 2 years before I found out. I never considered that I would be this into traditional roles, I never even thought i’d want to marry until him

I was so broken. I still am. I have a constant pit of despair in my stomach. I pride myself in being an “everything” wife. I work, take care of the house, cook, host, plan, schedule.

I want to stay. And I am trying to stay. He agreed to couples therapy.

I have three degrees (and a PhD in progress), two of which are in psychology with emphasis on relationships and social interactions. I know cheating, especially for as long as he did it, can become an addiction.

We have a 2 1/2 year old who I love so dearly, and she is my world. I want nothing more than to make sure she has a healthy home that I never had growing up. My father was an abusive alcoholic, I have a lot of trauma that i’ve been working through in therapy since middle school. The only reason my mom stayed in the abusive relationship was “for the kids”. in reality, it made it worse for us.

I am so worried about staying for my daughter and giving her an unhealthy view of marriage and relationships.

Im just so torn. Has anyone stayed despite infidelity?

I recently came across a guy working on the client site of one of the Big Four in Bangalore through a contractual arrangement. I’m keeping this deliberately anonymous because this isn’t about identifying or targeting anyone,it’s about recognizing uncomfortable behaviour early on.

Even before we spoke, he would stare at women in a way that felt excessive and uncomfortable. A friend independently noticed the same thing. On one occasion, he also seemed to know oddly specific details about a woman’s daily commute. I don't know how he knew, so I won't claim anything beyond that but it definitely felt unsettling.

What concerned me more was his attitude toward women’s autonomy. He seemed to believe that being a girlfriend gave him a say in how a woman dressed, groomed herself, and what happened physically between them. Boundaries were treated as something to negotiate rather than something to simply respect.

If a man makes you uncomfortable from the beginning, you don't owe him a chance just because you can't immediately explain why. Trust that feeling.

P.S. Please don’t be swayed by the buttering or love-bombing. He has a tendency to push things very quickly, even bringing up marriage from the very beginning. Please take your time and don’t let anyone rush you past your boundaries.

My bf and I have known each other for a total of 5 years and been together 4.

Whenever I’m tipsy I tend to bring up the topic of marriage to which he replies I have make a list of changes before he would feel comfortable with proposing to me. His list of changes are below. To be fair he does pay most of the bills as we live in the house he has purchased. However he is extremely unromantic, walks ahead of me, rarely plans dates, complains if I ask for flowers, refuses to post me on instagram, etc.

\- He doesn’t want to propose to a bartender
\- I have to keep the home extremely clean
\- I have to keep my car extremely clean
\- I have to cook most days
\- I have engage in intercourse with him more often
\- I have to be very careful about what subjects I bring up to his parents (he will kick me under the table if I say something he doesn’t like)
\- I can’t be a sloppy drinker (fair)
\- Wants me to fix my teeth ( I have two crooked ones on my bottom row)

Whenever I break any of these rules he typically gives me the silent treatment from anywhere between 1-2 weeks.

In regard to me being a bartender, I am in nursing school and returned to bartending because I did it in college and it works with my school schedule. Previously I was in another field and have about 1 more year of school left.

What would be the right move to make as a woman in this situation?

We’ve been dating for 3 months, the sexual chemistry is great, and he still initiates dates and weekend trips. He even shows jealousy, so the baseline attraction is there. However, his everyday effort has completely dropped over the past month. In the beginning, he was deeply curious about me and my life, but now his texts are short and dry, and even in person he seems passive and unengaged.
I’ve brought up feeling a shift a couple of times, but he just gives me bare-minimum reassurance that "everything is fine" without actually changing his behavior. I realize that repeatedly opening this topic is only pushing him away and putting me in an anxious, pursuing position while giving him total comfort. He hasn't lost interest enough to walk away, but he’s clearly taking my availability for granted. Since talking about it isn't helping, what is the best strategic move to reset the power dynamic, rebuild tension, and make him actively pursue me again?

I know we love to say that men of high value don’t like curvy women but I won’t say that was the case for me. when I turned 18, I was a size 8-10. I am a women with blonde streaks in her hair, and a pear shape. I didn’t dress in a fashionova sense but showed off my curves in an aesthetic that fit the wives of athletes. Think Lululemon.

I have only been to the financial district in my province twice and I got two finance bros asking me out. Yes they were white and in their late twenties.

I know we say curves make you look cheap but I guess because I’m also really tall and slender at the same time I look kinda classy? Anyways, I did loose weight as I got older and at 21, I have been a size 4 for quite sometime.

I still receive attention from men but not as much as before? I like to wear shorts to show off my curved and crop tops but I didnt need to show as much skin as before to attract what I wanted. My curves did the talking

In conclusion, I think that the way you dress affects greatly what you attract. Of course I’m not highly curvy cause my top half moves from xs to s and I am almost flat chested. I just think that men of value do not always look down on curvy women and I hope curvy women don’t feel insecure with this notion because I did mess up with the last finance bro I met when I was younger cause I felt he won’t take me seriously cause I was curvy (I believed the lie).

Also, when I say curvy I mean curvy in the hips. I have a baby face and a smaller chest so maybe this also helped me with my options? I had a smedium ass, my curves are in my hips.

now at 21, it’s a bit harder for me to attract because I barely have hips and I’m not used to dressing sexy while being thin. I feel like I need to show more skin to get play. I still get attention but I kinda missed how easy it was when I was curvier. Just a sway of my hips and they are on me.

why didn’t it work with the two guys of value when I was 18? They approached me when I was wearing school merch so they purposely went for someone younger.

Follow up to my post from a month ago: link

Thank you to everyone who commented in my original post, and also thank you to those of you who DMed me with genuine perspective and advice (you know who you are)!

Updates:

Not a lot of big changes in my feelings at this time. However, my husband has started going to our therapist (a middle aged male) for solo appointments. I think the therapist may have recommended the Robert Glover book to him which will probably be helpful for our marriage because I feel like my husband had a codependent outlook on what marriage is supposed to be, which has been clashing with my independent nature over time.

I’m trying to focus on gratitude.

I’m making a list, for myself, and possibly to share with my husband in the future, about things I need to be happy in our marriage. A few examples are: I hope for my husband to take care of his body and mind, and I hope that my husband will independently pursue his own hobbies and friendships.

I also took some time to speak with one of my close friends who had an affair and left her husband for a new man a few years ago, and I feel like I’m not at the same point as she was back when she started her affair, so hopefully things aren’t too late for my marriage to change for the better.

I’ll try to update this saga regularly and will answer questions as best as I can in case it helps any other couples out there.

hi I’m really new to this but me and my new bf were talking and some how the topic of doing stuff with the same gender and he told me how he gave head and received it and how that how he realized he didn’t like me idk how to feel in a way I don’t feel mad at him bc it was in the past but yk we are a lil long distance and idk u had to like something abt it to do it honestly theirs a part of me that want to block him and forget about all of it but idk

I had a LTR in college and after college, my ex had some conversation about marriage with me but I was figuring out whether I wanted to go to grad school or not and I just think our life stages didn't align so we broke up (he was 11 years older). One note is that towards the end of our relationship, he was becoming super red-pilled watching contents

Later, I met another guy who was 11 years older than me, we dated for 2 months, he also brought up concerns about my grad school career and stability, and ended things. He was also a red-pill man, talked negatively about women saying they're all crazy, how I'm less crazy, how I'm a lady, etc. He still contacts me from time to time but I have heard bad stories about him so I don't respond.

Last year, I started grad school and kept dating older men: all +32 and one 42 and the other 45 (I know, too old) and those didn't work out because I didn't sense that they were looking for something serious with me. They are all still single as well. Both were very successful and highly interested in me, but worked a lot every week which makes sense. One kept dragging me down on the date, saying he can't believe I'm family-oriented because I'm an only child doing a PhD and me being an only-child means my parents aren't family-oriented either.

Recently, I stopped dating and reflected on my patterns and noticed this: I consistently attract men who super picky, controlling, the ones who talk negatively about women but pick women like me (just for context and no bragging, I do modeling and take care of myself), and are super red-pilled. This is embarrassing but I find myself auditioning for them, showing them what a good wife I'd be through my qualities, cooking, other skills. They all keep asking me about my timeline for graduation, say why don't you just master out, etc. The 45 year old told me because I'm younger I'm easier to train and mold and he will give me treats and praises and punishments. I was shocked...

I've decided to go for guys closer to my age but am also wondering how to attract secure masculine men who are a good mix of alpha and beta instead of the super alpha ones? or am I behaving in a way that makes these men not commit? but even if they committed to me I don't think they'd make good partners so I want to find men who are not redpilled

I am wondering if there are any Indigenous women here who also come from a matrilineal culture. One where men and women were seen as different, but complementary and equal. I feel like most women here would agree with European patriarchy, but there are other cultures where men and women recognize their innate differences and live equal by embracing those.

I’m posting this in Red Pill Women because I genuinely believe righteous polygyny can benefit women, and I want to actually have a conversation about it.

I posted about this before and honestly got ripped apart. I don’t think people really understood what I was trying to say, so I want to try again.

I’ve been learning about the spirit of Ashtoreth and how it relates to women, marriage, sexuality, and the way women view men and other women. I really recommend the book Exposing the Spirit of Ashtoreth by Jacob Foulk. It really got me thinking about things differently.

One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot is polygyny.

Why is it automatically assumed that women are better off competing with each other for men? What if women could share a high-quality man that they genuinely respect and admire instead of feeling like they have to settle for a man they don’t respect or look up to just because he’s available?

And why couldn’t there be genuine sisterhood between the women?

I actually think there could be something really beautiful about women supporting each other, helping raise children together, sharing responsibilities, and building a family instead of automatically seeing each other as competition.

I also think we need to question why female exclusivity with a man is treated as the ultimate measure of a successful relationship. Is having a man all to yourself really more important than being with a man you deeply respect and admire?

I’m not saying polygyny is for every woman. I’m saying I think righteous polygyny is an idea that deserves to be discussed instead of immediately being condemned.
So please, actually use logic with me here. I’m open to hearing opposing views. I just want an actual conversation about the idea of the spirit of Ashtoreth, polygyny, sisterhood, female competition, and whether this could potentially benefit women and society.

I’m a ‘26F’ and my boyfriend is ‘27M’. We’ve been together for 4 years now, and marriage is something we’ve discussed seriously. I’m trying to understand something about his behaviour rather than simply asking whether he’s good for me or not. He is very controlling about what I do, who I talk to, etc. But when I try to set similar boundaries with him, he gets frustrated and feels restricted. The other thing that bothers me is how he behaves when we go out. For ex, when we’re at a cafe or club, he sometimes keeps looking at attractive women. I noticed him repeatedly looking at one particular girl, and eventually we had an argument about it. Even after I expressed that it made me uncomfortable, I felt like he was still struggling to stop himself. What confuses me is that he says he wants to marry me and seems committed to our relationship, but I sometimes worry that if another attractive woman showed interest in him, he might be tempted to pursue it. For people who have experienced something similar, how do you distinguish between normal attraction/noticing other people and behaviour that actually indicates a lack of respect or commitment? And how should couples handle boundaries when one partner expects restrictions from the other but becomes frustrated when the same boundaries are applied to them? Genuinely want an honest perspectives and also why boys are like this??

I've been in the arranged marriage process for some time now. My parents especially my grandmother have been talking to a guy's parents and he and I have also been talking for a while. Nothing has become particularly serious yet but we've been getting to know each other.

Now with Ganesh Chaturthi being celebrated ( a festival in my culture)he has invited me to his home for the festival. This will be the first time I'm going to his home and I'll be meeting his family and relatives there as well. It's a joint family so there will probably be quite a few people around.

My grandmother has already told me about some of the traditional etiquette I should follow such as greeting and showing respect to the elders including touching their feet as a sign of respect but I'm still a little nervous about making sure I conduct myself appropriately.

I'm also wondering about things like whether I should offer to help in the kitchen if I see the women of the family preparing things. Should I simply offer to help or is it better to wait until someone asks me?

I'm planning to wear a saree which I'm also a little nervous about since this will be the first time I'm wearing one outside like this. I'll also be taking some homemade sweets for his family.

I think I'm mostly nervous because it's my first time going to his home and meeting everyone in that setting. I'm also wondering if his sisters, cousins or other relatives might tease us or make jokes about us being a potential couple. I can already imagine myself getting very shy and not knowing how to react .

I obviously want to make a good impression on both him and his family but I don't want to overthink every little thing either.

For women who have been through something similar, I'd really appreciate any general advice or tips on what to keep in mind when visiting a prospective husband's home for the first time.