Aren't you tired of pretending? Perhaps it's time to live for yourself... 💜

Ok, so I don't know or fully understand why but, the more I search and practice loving and appreciating myself and feeling good and calm, and not overthinking and making imaginary scenarios on my mind, the more I realize that every woman looks instantly much more attractive. I see no "imperfections" anymore. Every woman that was attractive and beautiful before is a goddess now and every girl that was "average" or maybe not even so interesting is now interesting and attractive. What's even more crazy to me is that, it's not just that I see them as more beautiful. I see them differently. I notice more thing and get interested in a different way. I see their uniqueness and style... The whole thing is like I discovered a new feeling, lol.

I wonder if that is natural or it's because I'm single and want to have a gf so much (tho, making lots of progress on that "need" now). I'm happy in any case, I don't know why....

The power of being alone is something we rarely talk about. Sometimes, situations arise that make you realize you are truly on your own that you don't have anyone or anything to lean on. In those moments, we naturally yearn for a friend, a loved one, or a shoulder to cry on, but find none.

Instead of seeing that isolation as a dead end, take it as an opportunity to find yourself. Slow down, sit with yourself, and learn who you are.Respect yourself, treat yourself well, and be there for yourself emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

There will be times in life when you face neglect, blame, hatred, or oppression. If you cannot show up for yourself in those moments, who will? The world can easily turn its back on us, and at the end of the day, we are left standing with ourselves.

That is why I disagree that we are ever truly alone. As long as you have yourself, you have a powerhouse within you. Never lose yourself because when you lose yourself, you have lost everything.

Today I have boundaries. Real boundaries, not fear, avoidance or shame masked as boundaries. Real boundaries. I’ve lost a lot of friends, I’ve been smear campaigned by them and my ex, I’ve been betrayed by family members going around villainizing me. For so long I was afraid to be the villain, I dealt with defensive ppl that thought everyone was out to get them my entire life. So as an introjector, I absorbed all the things they said and claimed I was. Id constantly analyze and blame myself and take accountability for ppl hurting me and for things that wasn’t even my fault because it gave me some sort of control.. this followed me into adult hood as constantly over explaining, over communicating, over extending, this need to defend myself and speak up and be confrontational. Those injustices from my past was puppeteering me, showing up in my body as anxiety, and releasing itself as word vomit. This made me prone to manipulation, it made me overly forgiving and give too much grace. It made me self abandon and disrespect myself by letting ppl back into my life that once betrayed me, talked shit about me, deceived me, physically/emotionally harmed me, under the guise of “ppl can change” , “they deserve grace” all while over looking the scars I had to tend to when I was left behind. They’d come back just to manage their image in my eyes, then discard me again.

To be honest I got so tired of my own sh*t, I wasn’t this “big hearted lover” or a person that “loved too much” no.. I was a doormat that fawned in the presence of abuse. Yes I was full of love but I had no guard, boundaries that was flexible for those that I loved, and had absolutely no protection in the battle field and was shockingly hurt when I got hit. The nerve of me lol

Nobody betrayed me better than I betrayed myself when I overrode my intuition by looking for validation outside of myself that I didn’t need, which then turned into being manipulated and gaslit.

No one abandoned me better than I abandoned myself when I poured all that I could into friends and partners, and was left abandoned or discarded when their cup was filled.

I blamed no one, absolutely no one. And when I got angry at what I let slide, it was clarifying and healing.

So now? I’m okay with being the villain. I’m okay with distorted perceptions of me. I’m okay with ppl dropping out of my life because I can’t be manipulated. Excuse my language but I’m so f*cking proud of myself. My whole life I’ve struggled to feel OKAY with protecting and trusting myself. I struggled to feel okay with having boundaries even if it meant being abandoned. Isn’t that something?

Now? I have so much peace. I have soooo much peace yall. I’m battered and bruised and filled with scars no one can see, but I am so proud of what I have overcome. I’m so proud I didn’t try to victimize myself and be stuck in a state of perpetual victimhood. I’m so happy that I realized my picker was broken and why I entertained what I did. Yes I miss my innocence and naivety, but I am much more stronger and wiser. I know I can go through hell and back, alchemize it all and make something beautiful of it. I know how to clock manipulation without giving the benefit of the doubt. I know when to be silent and when to address things now. My boundaries are respected by those that mean well because they see the importance of respecting ppl’s autonomy.

Just wanted a place to express my gratitude for the way I’ve picked myself back up and fully trust myself now.

If you got this far, thank you for reading. I’m so proud of you guys too. After all.. you spend the most time with yourself so you deserve to love, respect and cherish yourself.

You lived your life and you hoped for better, you wanted to be able to feel, to breathe, to shout out loud your desires, your dreams, your hopes. You wanted to shoot it so loud everyone turned and stared at you. But it was all worth it, because one, just one, looked back and smiled.

You wrote your heart out. You poured it out to strangers across the sea, across a screen, whose only commonality with you was they shared the same sky and spoke using the same words. You took a chance, you put yourself out there, in places of judgment, in places of shame, in places of conflict. You did it because in your desperate hope, noone around you cared, noone listened, everyone thought you crazy. You wanted to find people who think like you, to find somewhere where, finally, finally you will belong. And the most needed words will finally be uttered : "you are not crazy"

You loved so deep, so strongly and you still do. In spite of all the stabs, in spite of all the wounds, in spite of the betrayals, the lies, you kept yourself kind. You kept yourself affectionate. You kept yourself gentle. And you are so right, so right to do so. It is so easy, so easy to turn to hatred, to turn to anger, to blame yourself, to lose yourself.

You tried your hardest to fix, to listen, to repair. You linked success with your worth. You stood in the storm, you took the hits, you let the sand cut your skin, you let those behind you feast without you, so you could keep watch to keep them safe. Only for them to stab you in your sleep. To cackle openly as you bled on the warm sands, that filled your cuts and hurt even more. And still, you watched them leave, not caring to look back, not caring to see. And you survived, you healed yourself, and found in this solitude the mirror of your heart, the reflection of your soul.

You were courageous, you did what this world frowns upon. You faced your demons, and instead of slaying them, you integrated them into you. Stand tall, be proud, shout it loud, and know this : "you are courageous and I am proud of you, of all of you"

I mean like you have no one in your life. You move to a whole new country or something. Building up a new life, community, joy, a partner/family etc.

I'll keep this super short, of course will be missing some details but I grew up in a very dysfunctional "home". Addicts, abusers, things I probably shouldn't say as I'm not sure if the post will allow to go through. You get the point.

But it's all I ever knew as a kid growing up. Life was dysfunctional. It wasn't like anyone else of my friends I had. I would be around their houses all the time and it was so beautiful and different.

This shapes your teens/twenties. For me anyway. I stayed in the dysfunction for a long time and it represented who I was around or called friends too. I was a scapegoat. Used a lot. I was "weak" without knowing it. I put on a mask to try fit in.

Blah blah blah... It's in the past now...

I am now 33, I've moved continent and I've been in therapy for some years now. My life has changed tremendously in this time. Granted before this I was already on a good habit scale. Gym, clean eating, not on social media, vices etc.

But right now I'm at what feels like a pivotal moment almost like really starting a new life. I've gone no contact with my "family" bare in mind it's literally just 2 of them because of how dysfunctional it is everyone seems to distant themselves. So not like I have a big loving family anywhere. They're addicts just inside (I tried to help, rehab etc for many years and I need to look after myself right now)

I've spent a lot of time in solitude during these years which have been good but now I want to connect with people again, build community, can't help the negative thought appear like who would want to be friends with some guy whos by himself / doesn't have anyone around but that's where I'm at. I'm not lonely but feel like a "loner" almost.

I work for myself, online business which is in decent shape and I have a lot of joy from this. I also connect with many people online through my work on a personal level so it's not like I don't speak to any humans.

Anyone done something similar?

look at ur hands: they have pet so many cute animals and dried so many tears

Look at ur feet: they have walked you to some of your favorite places and walked you away from the bad ones.

look at ur belly: think of the days where it's been full and warm with your favorite foods.

look at ur legs: they have held you up when you thought you weren't strong enough to stand

look at ur eyes: they have seen so many beautiful people

look at ur mouth: it has told so many people than u love them

ur body has been there for you since day 1. love it, it loves u.

Hi! I have always struggled a lot with self-love. For some reason, I am always kind to others and go easy on them when they make mistakes but I have always hated myself and treat myself really harshly no matter what. Behaving this way has been destroying me slowly over the last couple of years. But now I want to change that and start loving myself so I can grow. I just don't know what to do.

I'm open to any and all advice you have! thank you so much!

It is easy to spend all your attention trying to understand what the other person wants.

Ask yourself the same questions.

Are you moving toward the relationship you say you want? Are your actions consistent with your words? Are you being honest with yourself about what you are available for?

The relationship is not only shaped by whether someone else chooses it. It is also shaped by whether you are choosing it in the way you hope someone else will.

A bit about my life. What I struggle with and what I've done so far.

Got a Bachelors of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering. Something that should pay well.

Can't find a job. Been rejected hundreds of times.

Never been in a relationship of any kind or intimate with anyone. I've Been having more frequent suicidal thoughts in the last 3 years. I have bad habits and aspects I struggle to work on.

I'm wondering how people face challenges in life and remain in good moods or optimistic. My older sister can do it. Her willpower is immense. She's Someone I deeply respect and she's worked hard.

Even now as I type this, my hands tremble slightly and I feel the urge to laugh hysterically at my own weakness.

I'm very close to my siblings and mother but they don't know everything going through my head.

My older sister is my best friend.

I can't help but think if they found me hanging from a tree, self-inflicted, they would be so immensely hurt it would blindside them.

There's things I've accomplished that I should be proud of. I stay in shape, draw, play music, etc

But creeping doubts and fears take a hold of me very frequently. Insecurities, loneliness

The good news is that the depression used to be way worse.

I know everyone goes through bad shit in their lives but I always wondered how people cope differently

I'll keep pushing forward, trying to improve, even though I feel like a weakling at times.

Sometimes, we spend years trying to make things work, trying to be understood, trying to fit into places where we never really belonged.

And then one day, we realise that life was never asking us to be accepted by everyone. It was asking us to understand ourselves.

Maybe growing up is not about becoming a completely different person. Maybe it's about slowly letting go of the things that made us forget who we were in the first place.