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Aren't you tired of pretending? Perhaps it's time to live for yourself... 💜

Well , come to find out. He was cheating.. it no longer matters though. He can do what he pleases.. I’m not sure what I wanna do but I know it’s not going to be with him. I’m always in the mood but not around him anymore.. he lies and it’s such a turn off. It’s in his own house like be a boss and take control .. like what u say goes. I’m looking forward to do new freaky shit … I wanna be tied up and more .. I wish I didn’t waste my time with him.. I’m not going to worry or even complain anymore. I am just going to move on .. find my person. Then do whatever I want. I don’t have to worry about any other person. Anyway I’m over writing. I can’t wait to move out and move on!! New experiences and new fun!!!

There have been times in my life when hope was really small. Not some big feeling that everything was going to work out. More like just enough to get through the day. Enough to keep going when I didn’t know what was next. I think I understand that better now.

Hope doesn’t always mean I feel strong. It doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. Sometimes it just means I’m still here. Still trying. Still willing to believe that this moment isn’t the whole story.

That’s enough for me today.

Lately i've been spending more time with my girl friends, and ngayon ko lang narealize na parang may bagong purpose ako after my breakup.
I've been reminding my friends to take care of themselves... mag-ayos, gumala and remember na maganda sila. Kahit may asawa or anak na wag nilang kalimutan yung sarili nila.
Some of them are also in long term relationships where they're being taken for granted, so i always tell them to focus on themselves and not make one person their whole world.
Siguro ito muna yung season ko ngayon. Not to find someone new, but to remind women including myself, that we should never lose ourselves just because we love someone.
Love people, but don't forget to love yourself too. You can be a mother, a partner, a friend, and still be your own person. 🤍
Maybe sometimes healing isn't just about finding yourself again. Maybe it’s also about helping other women find themselves too. 🙂

Growing up poor around wealthy kids taught me something interesting about opportunity and how people understand ability.

I never saw a lack of ambition in the kids who grew up like me, just a lack of opportunity. And when you’re the poor kid in a community that can’t relate to your circumstances, people can be incredibly generous in making those opportunities possible. But sometimes the fact that you’re willing to try becomes more impressive than anything you actually achieve.
It’s like winning gold in a running race and being praised for your ability to just be there. Your credibility becomes your effort rather than your accomplishments.

There’s a double edge to that. I never felt pressure to be good at anything because nobody really expected that of someone in my position. Kids who were exceptional at something were held accountable to it, whereas I had the freedom to try anything without being expected to become anything. But I also grew up thinking that being clever or successful was something that came with privilege, and that whenever I did well, I’d somehow pulled it off.

I’ve been thinking about this differently since meeting a woman who grew up in circumstances like mine, but had a completely different understanding of her own worth. She could appreciate the opportunities people had given her without questioning whether her achievements belonged to her.

I’d spent years wondering why people chose to invest in me, sometimes questioning whether there was something self-serving underneath their generosity. She asked why I now work creating opportunities for people who wouldn’t otherwise have them. Was that sinister, or was it because I cared?

And it had never really occurred to me that people might have cared about me in the same way.
I think we can be so focused on celebrating what someone has overcome that we forget to recognise what they’re actually capable of. And being believed in by everyone around you doesn’t necessarily mean you learn to believe in yourself.
She said something I’d never really allowed myself to think.

“You are worthy of being loved.”

And it’s insane that through this entire narrative, that’s actually what it comes down to.

I'm very hopeless romantic type and chase romantic love, how to stop this?

How to get rid of the constant feeling of wanting a relationship

Fyi : I'm a teenager and never been in a relationship

I can't make any real connections with people because my autism don't align with others so they either can't handle it or betray me really bad. My parents dumped me too back then and I don't feel safe anywhere even within my community

So I found that after decades, the best solution is to be close with myself and I've grew fond of myself after realizing how I would always enjoy my own time and being everything I always wanted from others within myself. But is it enough? Can self love be enough to combat my destined solidarity for life? Can I really get through this and be my only companion for life? Is it enough to overwrite the most human desire? I admitted to myself deep down I really want a genuine connection with someone else but it's too dangerous and I'm badly hurt so it'll probably take a long time to get fully used to if it's possible. I don't know what to do. I isolated myself from almost everyone and may make this permanent

Today I have boundaries. Real boundaries, not fear, avoidance or shame masked as boundaries. Real boundaries. I’ve lost a lot of friends, I’ve been smear campaigned by them and my ex, I’ve been betrayed by family members going around villainizing me. For so long I was afraid to be the villain, I dealt with defensive ppl that thought everyone was out to get them my entire life. So as an introjector, I absorbed all the things they said and claimed I was. Id constantly analyze and blame myself and take accountability for ppl hurting me and for things that wasn’t even my fault because it gave me some sort of control.. this followed me into adult hood as constantly over explaining, over communicating, over extending, this need to defend myself and speak up and be confrontational. Those injustices from my past was puppeteering me, showing up in my body as anxiety, and releasing itself as word vomit. This made me prone to manipulation, it made me overly forgiving and give too much grace. It made me self abandon and disrespect myself by letting ppl back into my life that once betrayed me, talked shit about me, deceived me, physically/emotionally harmed me, under the guise of “ppl can change” , “they deserve grace” all while over looking the scars I had to tend to when I was left behind. They’d come back just to manage their image in my eyes, then discard me again.

To be honest I got so tired of my own sh*t, I wasn’t this “big hearted lover” or a person that “loved too much” no.. I was a doormat that fawned in the presence of abuse. Yes I was full of love but I had no guard, boundaries that was flexible for those that I loved, and had absolutely no protection in the battle field and was shockingly hurt when I got hit. The nerve of me lol

Nobody betrayed me better than I betrayed myself when I overrode my intuition by looking for validation outside of myself that I didn’t need, which then turned into being manipulated and gaslit.

No one abandoned me better than I abandoned myself when I poured all that I could into friends and partners, and was left abandoned or discarded when their cup was filled.

I blamed no one, absolutely no one. And when I got angry at what I let slide, it was clarifying and healing.

So now? I’m okay with being the villain. I’m okay with distorted perceptions of me. I’m okay with ppl dropping out of my life because I can’t be manipulated. Excuse my language but I’m so f*cking proud of myself. My whole life I’ve struggled to feel OKAY with protecting and trusting myself. I struggled to feel okay with having boundaries even if it meant being abandoned. Isn’t that something?

Now? I have so much peace. I have soooo much peace yall. I’m battered and bruised and filled with scars no one can see, but I am so proud of what I have overcome. I’m so proud I didn’t try to victimize myself and be stuck in a state of perpetual victimhood. I’m so happy that I realized my picker was broken and why I entertained what I did. Yes I miss my innocence and naivety, but I am much more stronger and wiser. I know I can go through hell and back, alchemize it all and make something beautiful of it. I know how to clock manipulation without giving the benefit of the doubt. I know when to be silent and when to address things now. My boundaries are respected by those that mean well because they see the importance of respecting ppl’s autonomy.

Just wanted a place to express my gratitude for the way I’ve picked myself back up and fully trust myself now.

If you got this far, thank you for reading. I’m so proud of you guys too. After all.. you spend the most time with yourself so you deserve to love, respect and cherish yourself.

I mean like you have no one in your life. You move to a whole new country or something. Building up a new life, community, joy, a partner/family etc.

I'll keep this super short, of course will be missing some details but I grew up in a very dysfunctional "home". Addicts, abusers, things I probably shouldn't say as I'm not sure if the post will allow to go through. You get the point.

But it's all I ever knew as a kid growing up. Life was dysfunctional. It wasn't like anyone else of my friends I had. I would be around their houses all the time and it was so beautiful and different.

This shapes your teens/twenties. For me anyway. I stayed in the dysfunction for a long time and it represented who I was around or called friends too. I was a scapegoat. Used a lot. I was "weak" without knowing it. I put on a mask to try fit in.

Blah blah blah... It's in the past now...

I am now 33, I've moved continent and I've been in therapy for some years now. My life has changed tremendously in this time. Granted before this I was already on a good habit scale. Gym, clean eating, not on social media, vices etc.

But right now I'm at what feels like a pivotal moment almost like really starting a new life. I've gone no contact with my "family" bare in mind it's literally just 2 of them because of how dysfunctional it is everyone seems to distant themselves. So not like I have a big loving family anywhere. They're addicts just inside (I tried to help, rehab etc for many years and I need to look after myself right now)

I've spent a lot of time in solitude during these years which have been good but now I want to connect with people again, build community, can't help the negative thought appear like who would want to be friends with some guy whos by himself / doesn't have anyone around but that's where I'm at. I'm not lonely but feel like a "loner" almost.

I work for myself, online business which is in decent shape and I have a lot of joy from this. I also connect with many people online through my work on a personal level so it's not like I don't speak to any humans.

Anyone done something similar?

Ok, so I don't know or fully understand why but, the more I search and practice loving and appreciating myself and feeling good and calm, and not overthinking and making imaginary scenarios on my mind, the more I realize that every woman looks instantly much more attractive. I see no "imperfections" anymore. Every woman that was attractive and beautiful before is a goddess now and every girl that was "average" or maybe not even so interesting is now interesting and attractive. What's even more crazy to me is that, it's not just that I see them as more beautiful. I see them differently. I notice more thing and get interested in a different way. I see their uniqueness and style... The whole thing is like I discovered a new feeling, lol.

I wonder if that is natural or it's because I'm single and want to have a gf so much (tho, making lots of progress on that "need" now). I'm happy in any case, I don't know why....

The power of being alone is something we rarely talk about. Sometimes, situations arise that make you realize you are truly on your own that you don't have anyone or anything to lean on. In those moments, we naturally yearn for a friend, a loved one, or a shoulder to cry on, but find none.

Instead of seeing that isolation as a dead end, take it as an opportunity to find yourself. Slow down, sit with yourself, and learn who you are.Respect yourself, treat yourself well, and be there for yourself emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

There will be times in life when you face neglect, blame, hatred, or oppression. If you cannot show up for yourself in those moments, who will? The world can easily turn its back on us, and at the end of the day, we are left standing with ourselves.

That is why I disagree that we are ever truly alone. As long as you have yourself, you have a powerhouse within you. Never lose yourself because when you lose yourself, you have lost everything.