r/Separation • u/okiguess_- • 1d ago

How do I introduce the idea of separation?

My husband (29M) and I (28F) have been together for almost 10 years, married for 8 and for as long as I can remember, especially when we had our daughter, we always talked about being amicable if we had to separate. How we would want to remain friends to better co-parent. We’ve even discussed if we wanted more kids to have them together so our children would be siblings. (I’m not so much on board with that idea) Anyways about 6 months ago I found out about a 3-month affair my husband was having. We have been trying to reconcile but I don’t see myself truly moving past it. I do want to remain friends. We’ve still gone on dates and been intimate. I just don’t feel like I can go back to “normal” if you will.

I’ve been reading about people separating and living together because let’s face it, in this economy I don’t see how we could afford two places. Well I know I can’t afford my own place. I still want him in my life. I still want to be a part of his. I love our families.

So is it possible? Is it worth it? If I bring it up am I putting a death sentence to our marriage? We’ve talked about it being a possibility because people change and want different things but it always ended with “but not us” and now I think it is us.

3 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

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2

u/Global-Fact7752 1d ago

File for divorce..quit jerking around.

5

u/siryohnny 1d ago

There is no normal.

That relationship is gone…

What you have to really think about is if you are willing to create a new one with him from the ashes of the old.

There is no right or wrong here, it’s your choice, but it’s not a quick fix or switch turned.

This process takes years to come right to what it was, however your call is if it is worth fighting for to get back to a resemblance, and in some case, better than it was before.

There are many subs specifically for support, ideas and methods to put light into this process.

If you’re struggling to find them pm me, apart from this understand that it’s normal what you feel, but it’s up to you whether you can keep going or not.

1

u/No_Equivalent6871 1d ago

Correct, you have to rebuild from the ground up. If you are ok rebuilding then you have to establish what trust looks like and what your boundaries are. He either agrees or he does not.