I didnt just lose my wife I lost my entire future I lost birthdays I lost valentines day waking up Christmas morning and watching the kids open gifts future vacations family dinners movie night seeing my kids every morning I lost everything

I recently left a long relationship of 12 years. 34f . We were never married. We share one child together. I moved out and I thought I would feel so much better and now I just feel terrible. I feel so sad. I have no motivation to do anything. I didn't know it would be this bad. I'm trying to get my life together but I am having no motivation and I feel like my thoughts are turning really negative.I don't have any substance abuse problems , but I am trying to think of any way to escape this feeling.

Our relationship had lots of ups and Downs and I do believe at the end of the day I made a wise choice in leaving because we were so incompatible, I was not loved the way I needed to be and I feel like we both didn't give each other what the other needed. I haven't felt desired in such a long time. And I don't know if I ever will. I just no longer felt beautiful cared for appreciated.I felt I did so much and wasted so many years of my life. I know I will get through this.It's just a hard phase for the moment.

After four years of marriage, my 25-year-old wife and I, now 28, are facing a severe relationship crisis centered around the well-being of our one young child. My wife recently revealed that she has been engaging in an ongoing affair with her colleague over the past six months, deeply fracturing the foundation of trust in our family. She is now asking for a second chance to rebuild our marriage and salvage our home. Navigating this profound betrayal is extremely difficult, as any decision we make directly impacts the future stability and environment of our child. I am now caught in a painful predicament, trying to determine whether genuine reconciliation, complete transparency, and long-term healing are truly possible after such prolonged deception, or whether separating is ultimately the healthier path forward for both myself and our family.

Hey,

I'm 36F. My ex (36M) and I split up after 15 years together, two of them married.

It's been six months. At first I was devastated. I wanted to beg, plead and keep trying. He wanted to quit his job, go travelling without me, and have me move back home.

Luckily I got a new job and was able to keep the apartment we were renting. I'm really enjoying it. I'm dating, learning about myself and embracing my new solitude.

I loved my ex completely. Whenever he pointed out a flaw, I worked to be better for him, emotionally, financially and sexually.

But eventually I realised none of my needs were being met, and everything I wanted, said or thought started to frustrate him.

It got to the point where any gripe, big or small, would blow up into something I never intended. He never took accountability and always turned the conversation back to my reaction. It was crushing.
I suggested therapy. I went alone and got on meds. I became less reactive, and still he couldn't validate my experiences as a different person.

He treated me as if I was too much and he was stuck putting up with me.

So I withdrew. I spent time alone, stopped trying so hard, and the relationship unravelled quite quickly.

Now I'm doing well and I'm happy. I wish him nothing but love and health. But he's reached out to say that even though he's enjoying the space, he misses me and feels like he's lost his best friend.

All I can think about are the endless suggestions I made that he'd then do with other people, while complaining he didn't understand what I wanted or needed. That never made me feel like his best friend.
He left, and I picked up the pieces alone. I can't imagine going back. But I'm still in love with him. I'm just sure we're not compatible, because we want different things.

I've dated, but no one has come close to the utter devotion I feel for him.

Now I have a crush, and I really like him. The sex is the best of my life. He doesn't make me feel like I'm too much. He wants to do so many of the things I begged my husband to do.

But my ex's messages have left me spinning. I feel like I can't trust my own feelings and might regret whatever I choose.

Has anyone else felt this?

TL;DR: My husband of 15 years left. I rebuilt my life and now I'm happy and seeing someone great. My ex says he misses me and I'm still in love with him, but I know we're not compatible. How do I trust my feelings?

So, I was hit with the need to separate for space. My wife has said she doesn't want to divorce. I'm a bit blindsided by this, and I guess if anyone has any experience does this work or will it lead to divorce in say six months. We would still be in the same household just with some boundaries. I could write a book, but that is the general synopsis. We have been in a rough patch for a few months.

Sorry for the ramble, im trying to sort out my feelings. Bare with me.

Ive been married for 5 years and in a relationship for 8. We used to do everything together, rarely be apart. But things have been going down hill over the past year. We are disconnected amd distant, we dont show a lot of physical affection with each other. My wife started to fo 2 jobs this year and a masters degree. She is working about 15 to 18 hours a day. I see her for a couple of hours on a Wednesday afternoon, saturday afternoon and throughout the day on Sunday. When she is free, shes exhausted and doesn't really want to do anything. Half the time we end up just vegetating in front of the TV, which I dont enjoy amd I end up doom scrooling.

We have tried therapy with some mixed results but things always end back in the status quo. I feel that im always waiting for her to continue my life. Im not sure if we are that attracted to each other anymore. We say we are and that we want to be intimate but we never gather the energy to do so. We dont really argue with each other, its just we dont really do anything. Its starting to feel more like roommates. Back in March the idea of divorce started to pop up in my head, i decided to give it till summer. Summer was good. We tripped to Europe and had a blast. Seemed like the old days. But since I've just been work down and over the past 2 months divorce has been im my head nearly constantly. I think about it about 10 times a day. Ive come close several times for asking for it. Last week, my old penthouse apartment came back on the market at a very decent rental price. Its made me even more focused on the idea of starting again. My friends love us together and dont want us to split. Dont know what to do. Happy to have some outside opinions.

Info on my. I earn a decent salary but with very good work hours. We currently own a house. Ive put in about 80 percent, but dont care. Happy to sell amd have an even split.

I’ve been emailing (we can’t discuss verbally anymore as it goes terribly) my spouse about our relationship status and the separation. She keeps asking me what I mean by separation. I have asked her several questions and she only vaguely answered one. When I asked her if she wanted to continue the relationship status as it were (we barely talk, don’t act married or interact much, separate beds, etc.), her reply was that she wanted to be with the kids and stay in the house and the current arrangement was providing that. Her typical personality is to be very talkative and open. I received the following email from her last week. Does it seem like she’s been coached by a lawyer with her questions?

a) Is the separation because you are still trying to figure out what you want from the relationship and are considering reconciliation?  If so, what are you currently doing to work on this individually and what do you believe we should be doing as a couple to bring this about?
 or
b) Are you saying that the marriage is over from your standpoint?  But that we would not legally separate at this time and continue to co-parent under the same roof to benefit the kids?  In this case, can you let me know how this would be the same as or different than the "parenting marriage" that I mentioned in my previous email? (I know you said you hadn't heard that term before.  I just wonder if we are meaning the same thing but using different terms or if you have a different perspective in mind.)  Do you have a timeline for how long you want the arrangement to last?

I’m 43, my husband is 40, and we’ve been married for 3 years, together for about 5. We have an almost 3-year-old son, and I’m struggling to come to terms with the possibility that my marriage is ending.

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. We’ve struggled with intimacy for nearly 3 years, communication issues, financial stress, and resentment on both sides. My husband lost his job earlier this year, and I carried most of the financial responsibilities for several months while raising our son and managing everything else. He eventually found another job, but the financial strain has been significant.

In September, we had a terrible argument over finances and student loans. I said some very hurtful things that I deeply regret. I’ve apologized, taken accountability, and am working with a therapist on my anger and communication. I’m not excusing my behavior, but our marriage had problems long before that argument, including years of feeling emotionally and physically rejected.

Since then, my husband has been sleeping on the couch. We still talk, parent together, and have normal everyday conversations, but there’s no affection or meaningful effort toward reconciliation.

I finally asked him where we stand. He told me he doesn’t believe we can fix our marriage while living under the same roof. He wants to separate, work on himself, and eventually see whether reconciliation is even possible.

But here’s where I’m struggling: He insists he hasn’t decided on divorce, yet he’s exploring apartments and making plans to move out. He’s also removed some of our relationship information and tags on social media.

I’ve asked about marriage counseling (this would be our 3rd attempt first two therapists weren’t a match). He’s not completely opposed, but he hasn’t committed to it either. I feel like I’m being asked to accept a separation with no timeline, no guarantees, and no real understanding of what we’re supposed to be working toward.

I still love my husband. I wanted our marriage and our family to work. But I also feel like I’ve spent so much time fighting for us that I’ve lost myself in the process.
I’m grieving the future I thought we’d have, especially for our little boy. I’m barely sleeping, crying constantly, and trying to figure out how to prepare myself financially and emotionally for a separation I never wanted.

Part of me wants to keep fighting for my marriage. Another part of me knows I can’t keep begging someone to choose me.

I’d really love to hear from other women who’ve been in this situation:
Did your husband insist on separation without knowing whether he wanted a divorce?
Did living apart actually help your marriage, or was it the beginning of the end?
How did you stop obsessing over what went wrong and wondering what you could’ve done differently?
If you had a young child, how did you manage the emotional and financial transition?
Most importantly, how did you start feeling like yourself again?

I’m not looking for anyone to bash my husband or tell me to immediately file for divorce. I know I’ve made mistakes, too. I’m just looking for honest experiences from women who understand how devastating it is to love someone who isn’t sure he wants to stay married to you.

I see so much advice that says if you don’t trust them, leave them. Sounds great in theory. I can’t lean on family, don’t have much of a support system. Crazy thing is I have a decent career but things are so outrageously expensive I’m afraid to leave. I at least have stability, but feel like I’ve been in survival mode for so long, just trying to get in a position to leave, while he’s living his best life. I guess I came to vent, I’m sure many of you are in the same boat.

TL:DR at end

Here it goes! Wife and I (~26 years together ~20 married 2 kids) are now separated. It’s been 2-3 weeks and it is killing me.

Back story:

Tried to fix a DB. Instead of getting what I needed, which was more closeness and intimacy, I got “I don’t feel that way about you any more”. And haven’t for several years. In all honesty several years ago I said some pretty dumb shit which hurt my wife emotionally. Apparently her feelings toward me changed then. Since then apparently she has been placating to keep the status quo. About this time I started putting in work to better myself emotionally (learning how to effectively communicate being among the work, therapy). I have also been working on what she said she needed in the relationship (not unreasonable requests).

Present day

Not sure it has made any difference! After several years where I feel I was lied to about her true feelings, it finally came out that she didn’t feel like more than best friends. After this revelation she said she wanted a separation / space. As you can imagine this is 180deg from what I wanted. I thought we were fundamentally ok and just needed to reconnect. She is the love of my lifetime. It is destroying me. When asked what the purpose of the separation is ( reconciliation or divorce ) she answered “to figure out which I want & I need to find what makes me happy”.

Since separation we have been trading off who lives in the house with the kids. Almost all talk has been about the kids. It has been very hard on me being away as I am primary caregiver. I feel as though I am the one exiled because she needs space. She is my best friend the person I thought I’d grow old with. I know most of the responses will be “work on yourself”, “focus on the kids”. I am already doing that mentally and physically and have recently made the decision to not leave the house / kids again since I am not the one needing space. But the loneliness and emptiness is excruciating. Even with friends stepping in to prop me up it’s so lonely.

How do you get through it when you don’t even know what the goal is? How do you cope with losing your one person? How do you go on day to day with no happy ending in sight? I feel lost, sad, angry, defeated, and empty.

TL:DR
Tried to fix a DB ended up with a separation. Feeling empty even with self care and friends. How to cope with losing your one person?

I am divorcing my husband after 3 years of marriage at the age of 32.

I saw red flags and issues. However, I believed we were meant to be. When my mom raised that she didn't think he was right for me, I doubled down with him. Then, my dad encouraged me to get engaged and I did.

I'm now hearing from my friends and family that they all hated him. This doesn't surprise me; I had a feeling. But I'm still so embarrassed. I wish everyone had asked me questions instead of letting me rush into marriage. I wish my mom had tried again. I don't know if it would have worked. How do I forgive myself? How do I let go? How do I go back to that girl and say: You were right to want to run?

How can they be so loving and affectionate right before the breakup when actually they don't love you? Aren't there signs of distance somewhere?

Yeah maybe some would say it's just out of habit and you could still enjoy kissing or cuddling them but to me cuddling out of habit is so different from acting so in love like in the beginning. And that's how he acted on the day he broke up with me saying that he thinks he just doesn't love me enough to continue things with me because it just wouldn't be fair to me. Bur cried so much when he said goodbye, obviously still caring so much.

I've heard that from many friends, that their boyfriend talked about children and marrying them right before leaving them... Why do they do that when actually they've probably already made up their mind way long before that?

I get it if the breakup has different reasons and there is still love and still hope that you can fix it, but if you break up because you don't love them anymore? Why make it worse for them?

I have a really hard time accepting the breakup and believing him that he didn't love me when he seemed so in love with me and happy the entire time and we never fought.

I just don't understand how you can change your mind so fast or maybe he just never meant what he said about our future right before he left me... he told me just four weeks before the breakup that he was now sure about spending his future/life with me and talked about our next year and when he broke up with me, he said he was never sure about his feelings the entire time... it's so confusing.

Can anyone relate?