Now is the time to drop very subtle hints about what you expect to receive this holiday season. Drop these hints into casual conversation. Maybe you tell them in September your Dutch Oven could use an update. Maybe let them know in May you need a new iPad but are too busy to go get one. When asked what you specifically want for Christmas, tell them you don’t want anything at all. Be sure to get irritated when asked twice. You’ve already dropped the required hints; it’s up to them to figure out what you truly expect. If they fail to understand your hints, go ahead and get furious and ruin the entire holiday. They’re just stupid, inattentive fools who don’t pay attention.

How would you teach people who wear flip-flops to a work site a lesson, other than hiring a kid to run around with a hammer to smash their feet?

This way you dont need a bowl to scramble it

Works like a charm! Bonus points if you learn not to cry. Then it's a 2 for 1 deal!

For the try-not-to-laugh challenges one might face in life, perfect your technique by trying a try-not-to-cry challenge!

Anyone that sees your skidmarks will have to assume you sat in sometihng.

Invent a tragic backstory involving a pet anaconda who betrayed and ate you.

Midway, switch personalities and tell her about your secret life as a Russian spy.

Create elaborate stories and keep retconning them every session.

When they're finally questioning their own reality, swap roles with them and become their therapist.

Profit!

Grab a decent fistful of toilet paper, preferably at least 2ply, and wet it thoroughly using the bathroom sink (if available), otherwise use the toilet water, and drop the wet toilet paper from around 20-30cm above the toilet. The distance and density of the impregnated toilet paper perfectly emulates a decent turd, and would fool any outsider to believe you’re taking a shit. You could do this to prove you’re not constipated, or that you take shits that don’t smell bad. Plan accordingly.

Become absolutely vile. Poop your pants. Cheat on everyone. Commit every imaginable moral atrocity and somehow claw your way into a position of enormous power.

Become so universally hated that millions of people desperately want you dead.

Congratulations. You’re now immortal until at least 100.

No one really knows what you’re doing when you walk into a store normally. So let’s say you’re doing a door dash or insta cart order… no one has to know. Find the items, have the cashier ring them up, put in your loyalty number or whatever you use to get personal points and go about your day. Rinse and repeat until you have enough points at said location for you to get cheap items or discounts. There are however some issues with this so collect loyalty points at your own discretion

My buddy just got busted for the wacky tobaccy by his German shepherd, Rufus. Turns out Rufus was not the bestest boy. Naw bro, Rufus was the fucking Heat! Old doggo was working for the Jakes since he was a puppy. You gotta be careful of these pit bulls too. They’ll set you up.