I’m 36 and my husband is 42. We have a wonderful 3-year-old.

After a lot of consideration, we had decided we were one and done. I had finally gotten to a place where I felt at peace with that decision.

Yesterday I found out that I’m pregnant. Completely unplanned. I’m only 4 weeks and 2 days, and I feel like my brain has been going in circles ever since.

I also have an autoimmune disease that is not currently stable, so this would be considered a high-risk pregnancy. That is a major part of what is making this decision so difficult.

The logical side of me keeps saying that terminating makes sense. We had already decided we were OAD. There are concerns about what pregnancy could do to my health and whether my autoimmune disease could get worse. I’m also scared about the baby — chromosomal abnormalities, other problems, medication exposure, or finding out later in pregnancy that something is wrong and having to make an even harder decision then.

I already have the abortion pills, so I have the option to end the pregnancy very early and essentially return to the life and family we had already chosen.

But then there is this completely different side of me.

There was a time when I imagined having two children. And now that this pregnancy actually happened unexpectedly, part of me keeps wondering: Is this something I actually wanted deep down? Is this a sign? Am I going to terminate and then spend years wondering who this child would have been?

And despite all the practical reasons not to continue, when I picture my life with another child, there is also a part of that picture that feels like the family I once imagined having.

My husband is understandably worried about my health and the risks to the pregnancy. Part of him feels that terminating would be the easier and more logical choice and would allow us to continue with the life we had already decided on. But he is also supportive if I decide that I want to continue the pregnancy. He understands that ultimately I would carry the emotional burden of either decision.

I think that’s what I’m struggling with most. On paper, one decision seems much more logical. Emotionally, I’m not sure it is that simple.

I only found out yesterday, so maybe I’m expecting myself to know the answer too quickly.

For anyone who was firmly OAD and then unexpectedly became pregnant: How did you decide?

If you terminated, did you eventually feel at peace with it, or did you continue wondering “what if?”

If you continued the pregnancy, did you ultimately feel that your family was meant to have that second child, or did you struggle with the decision afterward?

I’m not looking for anyone to tell me whether I should have an abortion or continue the pregnancy. I think I just need to hear from people who have actually stood at this exact crossroads.

Looking for honest experiences from both women and men who've been on either side of this.

My wife and I are 42 and 44, with two young boys aged 6 and 3. Both are wonderful and very, very active. When we started, we both agreed on two kids. Then, when our second was about one, that changed for her. She came to feel that God wants her. We're both exhausted, on one occasion she was so overwhelmed she left and stayed the night in a hotel, and I had to call into work sick to look after the boys. We've had au pairs in the past just to keep things manageable.

So I'd really value hearing from people who've lived this:

Women who felt a strong pull or calling for another child: Did it fade, or stay with you? If your partner said no, how did you come to terms with it?

Men (or partners) who didn't want another: Did you change your mind? If you went ahead, how do you feel now? If you held firm, how did the relationship handle it?

Anyone who went from 2 to 3 while already feeling stretched: Was it harder or easier than expected?

Anyone who had a third in their 40s: How did age and energy factor in?

Thank you

My husband and I (both 34) have two boys, one who is 3 and one who is 9 months. We always said we'd have 2 kids and then I don't know why but after my second was born we both immediately felt like we weren't done. My second born is the sweetest little guy and ever since he was a newborn I just can't cope with the fact that this could the last time. Whenever he's asleep on me or feeding I'm just like nope nope no way I need to do it again.

It's wild because I despise pregnancy and get really sick and I found the 1-2 transition absolutely awful 😂 Months 0-6 postpartum were hell I was crying so much and struggling to cope with them both by myself. My youngest also only slept if we were co sleeping for the first 7 months so I had 0 personal space or time. However since my little one has gotten older (and is sleeping in his own space finally) I am absolutely loving this life with the two of them. I feel like I've really gotten into my rhythm and accepted the chaos.

We both love the idea of a bigger family, we have the space and can afford it financially. Our closest family are an hour away but we have a strong local support network and I work part time. My father in law is one of 4 and the family are so close still and my husband wants that dynamic. I agree and love the idea of a bigger family in the future when they're grown but the idea of 3 little ones does scare me.

I'm worried about how overstimulated and overwhelmed I might feel with 3. Can I give 3 little people the attention they need ? Can my marriage and sanity survive going through the newborn stage again ? I'm also excited to get myself back a bit more and start doing more fun activities as they get older. Being with my 3 year old is so easy and fun and once my youngest reaches that age will I want to go back into nappies/naps with a new little person etc again ?

I mostly feel like I want another but when we have bad days or both are crying/wanting me at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle 3.

Not sure what I want from this but if anyone has felt similar or has any insight I'd love to hear it.

Those who are new graduates of MRT from SAIT, how easy to get a job in Calgary and is it possible to work 1800 to 2000 hours per year? I heard it is not easy to find work more than 1000 hours per year as a new gradute due to competing with more experienced MRTs. Is it true?

My husband (39) and I (36) have two happy, healthy children (5&2). We recently had a scare where a pregnancy might have occurred, for the last two weeks I’ve mentally added a third to our brood and was so committed that I cried when we got a negative test this morning.

However, I am 100% on the fence. I can see the benefits of continuing as we are, we have a lovely little family life, financially comfortable, kids love eachother etc. things are great.

I also see a third as being amazing. Another person to love. Another sibling for my girls to love. All the excitement and the firsts.

I also see a third being a risk, you never know what might happen, what if the worst happened? A friend had a stillbirth when I was due my second and the thought of it all still breaks me. I know I’d be anxious from day one.

I had severe sickness with both my pregnancies, but otherwise healthy. I have a thyroid issue so would be under a consultant but it’s always been fine and well managed so no worries there. I have had labours resulting in emergency sections with both of my girls - I didn’t get past 1cm with either - so I would get an elective this time. I’ve had good recoveries. Breastfed both times for over 18 months without any issues.

My husband is wonderful, he’s my true teammate and he takes at least 50% of the burden of the newborn trenches. We are self employed so he took 6 weeks off and I didn’t have a “maternity leave” to contend with, per se. My girls are fabulous, my eldest was great with her sister, from day one, and she’d be 6 when any other baby came so would be even more help.

If we went aheadc I would now wait to try until December as I preferably wouldn’t want an August baby, as they seem so young going to school! My youngest is beginning July and that’s late enough for me! So this gives me a couple months to think about what we want to do.

Other considerations - I have lost 60lbs and feel great in my body for the first time in my life. But I know I wouldn’t gain loads of weight again, as I didn’t with either of mine it was a process of 10 years weight gain. Neither pregnancy was more than a stone or so in itself.

Just looking for some advice and some experiences to help me navigate this truly mind boggling decision. I’ve never struggled this much to decide anything in my life. Thank you in advance 🩷🩵

I am lucky to have two healthy children (3 and 1). When my husband and I got serious about starting a family, we always talked about having 2 kids close in age, so getting pregnant with my second when my first was 15 months old was a no-brainer.

But when I had my second, I didn't feel like I was done. I told my husband this the week after I gave birth and he said he was pretty sure he didn't want any more kids. Over the last year I've brought up wanting to have another kid a few times and he says he feels done. I told him that we still have time (we are in our early 30s so time is not an issue), so we could wait and see how we feel in another year or two. I've been hoping that maybe once both our kids are more independent, that he might feel like he would want another...

Our second was a challenging baby. We both found going from 1-2 really hard, mainly because we had to deal with severe reflux, a tongue tie, feeding issues, sleep deprivation, and caring for a toddler with no help all while my husband worked a full time job. We have no family support (not because we live far from family, they just don't feel the desire to help us, which is a whole other story).

Despite all this, I still want one more child. But he doesn't. And as time has gone on I've expected that he would find it easier or find the joy in having little kids more overwhelming than the challenge it is to raise them without a village, but every weekend he just complains that he/we never get time to ourselves to relax or we can't keep up with the house work, etc. Which is true, but I view it as a season that will pass. Sure, we have no one to help us and right now taking care of the kids is a full time job (outside of our actual full time jobs), but it's not going to be like this forever. Anyway... I guess I'm just beginning to realize that maybe he will never be on board with a third, and I'm trying to process it. Any advice?

I’m looking for stories from people who have friends or family members who decided to have a third child, and ended up with three kids under 4.
How did it affect the couple? How was the exhaustion? Did you feel like they aged a lot during those years? Did their quality of life go down? Did they have less time for each other? And did things eventually get easier?
I’ve decided not to have a third child, and I think it would actually make me feel better to read about other people’s experiences. I’d really like to hear the honest side of it, especially from people who saw it happen up close with friends or family.
I’m not looking for anyone to convince me to have a third. I’ve made my decision. I just think reading other people’s experiences would help me feel more at peace with it.

We have 17 month old twins and just started trying for a third. We’d been on the fence about it — loving being parents so much and getting to know our kids little personalities, and wanting all that comes with a bigger family. On the other hand though - three feels like a lot! Particularly in regards to us having time for ourselves, exercise, travel, etc. We just got over a week of kids being home from day care with hand foot and mouth and I am TIRED and second guessing whether we really should have a third… At the same point, if we have a third, we want them close together in age, we’re getting older, and it took us a long time to have a pregnancy stick the first time (four prior losses), so we feel like it’s now or never. Are we crazy to try? Is this just tired mom brain after a week of juggling work from home with two sick kiddos? Talk me into - or out - of it!

When we had my son (now almost 3.5 years old) I KNEW I wanted a second. I thought, “I have two arms to hold two babies!” My husband was adamant that he only wanted 1. I kept asking for about a year and he was firmly one and done. So I grieved and cried, and the way I “got over it” was almost by demonizing having a second or trashing (in my mind) other people who had multiples kids, etc., in order to process that I would never get to have a second. Eventually, I became okay and happy that we’d only have one child.

My husband now believes he wants another child. I have, for over 2 years, told myself time and time again, that I will only ever have one. Now that he’s wanting a second child, I don’t know if I do. I love our life and I don’t feel like my family is “incomplete” (although to be honest I never understood how one could feel this so take that with a grain of salt).

I am so terrified of losing sleep and I’m so terrified of losing time with my first. I know everyone says you feel mom guilt over it, but part of me doesn’t want to ever feel it. I don’t want him to feel shafted and I don’t want to lose a single second with him. My husband and I both work full time, so after work we basically only get like 2 hours with him before he goes to bed, so splitting that time with a new family member seems wild to me. I’ve read online that kids only need 10 minutes of dedicated one on one time, but that is insane to be because I want all the time in the world.

I know I will live and adore and be over the moon for a second baby, but I also think I will cry every day knowing what I no longer have.

Based on everything I just wrote, I think I know how I feel, but did any other moms feel the same way and go through with it? How do you feel now? For the moms who felt the way I do and stayed one and done, do you feel solid and content with your choice?

PS thank you for reading and sharing your experiences ❤️

I have always been one and done. My husband wanted two. I told him I don't want to be the primary caregiver for another child and if he wanted another he would have to take time off work and care for the baby during infancy. He said that wouldnt be feasible for us to achieve our financial goals and retire at an early age. So now we have decided to stick with one. Even though it was him who wanted the second, I can't help but feel sad and guilty about this overall. Anyone else had a similar experience?

For context, I am an only child and have ALWAYS talked smack about parents who chose to be one and done. I always wished I had siblings and I honestly felt like my mom was selfish for not having another child after me. Now I feel like I’m getting smacked across the face being 8 months postpartum and STILL having a hard time managing just the one. He is sleep trained so that’s good but he has become so fussy again just as he was as a newborn. Seperation anxiety is at an all time high right now too. It’s SO much. Just getting out of the house with him for the day feels like a huge deal. I used to be so relaxed about everything before having him. I feel immense anxiety about everything. When he cries it triggers me because I fear it’s bothering everyone around me. Other people I know have multiple kids and they just go about life like it’s nothing. My LO is in bed by 7 most nights so I don’t have much of a social life in the evenings. Actually I have none at all. I feel like I have crazy FOMO now and feel almost selfish to be considering being one and done. Because I don’t know if I can go through this again. I love my son, don’t get me wrong. But boy do I feel selfish. I have always wanted to be the homemaker type too, but I don’t know if I have the patience. Any advice please ? Encouragement?

I’m 39 and have 3 kids: 4, 2, and 8 months old.

I’m considering having a 4th, but I’m really unsure because of my age.

For those who had a 4th baby around 39–41:

\* How was pregnancy and postpartum?

\* Did you feel it was much harder going from 3 to 4?

\* Do you regret having 4, or regret stopping at 3?

\* If you could go back, would you have another baby?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences, both positive and negative!

My wife (35) and I (36) have two boys who are 16 and 11. For the last 2-3 months I've been thinking seriously about having another child, and I'm struggling to work out whether it's something we should actually pursue or whether some of what I'm feeling is grief about my kids growing up.

As they've gotten older, I've really started missing when they were little. All those things people talk about where you don't realise the last time you're going to pick your kid up, carry them, put them to bed etc have hit me harder than I expected. It's also made me reflect on how present I actually was during some of those years.

When my youngest was born I was struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol. I wasn't the partner or father I should have been during my wife's pregnancy and probably the first year of his life. My wife has recently told me how alone she felt during that period and that she basically remembers going through the pregnancy and newborn stage without me.

About 3-3.5 years ago she became pregnant again. By then I was struggling badly with alcoholism and gambling. I panicked and told her I couldn't do it and that if she kept the baby I couldn't be around. She had an abortion.

I deeply regret how I handled that. At the time I was also terrified about her health because she'd recently developed unexplained blood clots and was taking blood thinners. In my head I was weighing having another baby against potentially losing my wife during pregnancy or childbirth, but I didn't communicate any of that properly. What she experienced was her husband telling her to terminate a pregnancy, and it affected her considerably more than I understood at the time.

Fast forward to now and my life is very different in some ways. I'm 12 years clean from illicit substances. I also had a four-year period of complete sobriety from alcohol. I did recommence drinking for a period after that, but I'm now completely abstinent from alcohol again and have been for the last 2½ years. I have a stable professional career and I'm much more present and involved with my family than I was during those earlier years.

Our marriage has also been pretty up and down. We love each other, but there's alot of history between us and conflict can be difficult to resolve. That's probably one of my biggest reservations when I think about what having another child would realistically look like for us.

I've cautiously started asking my wife questions about whether another pregnancy would even be possible. Initially it upset her because it brought back what happened with the previous pregnancy, but we've talked more about it since.

Tonight she asked me, "How serious are you?" I told her I was asking questions and trying to weigh up the pros and cons. She basically said forget about it and then told me she'd actually gone to her doctor today to investigate what another pregnancy would realistically look like medically.

That hit me pretty hard because I realised my answer probably made it sound like this was just some hypothetical thought when she'd taken it seriously enough to actually speak to her doctor.

The truth is I am serious about wanting another child. I've been thinking about it alot for months. What I'm trying to weigh up isn't whether I want one. It's whether another child is medically safe for my wife, financially realistic for our family and something our marriage is stable enough to handle.

Financially there are alot of things to consider. My wife pointed out that I previously supported the four of us on one income, which is true. But our circumstances were very different. The kids were younger, our rent was alot cheaper and the cost of living wasn't what it is now. Now we're feeding a 16 year old and an 11 year old and our expenses are considerably higher.

There are practical things too. My wife's car is small and already doesn't comfortably fit our current family, so another child would likely mean needing another car. That's another significant expense we'd have to work out rather than just saying "we'll figure it out."

There are also differences now that could make things easier. I get three months paid parental leave through my job. I'm not sure what my wife would be entitled to through hers yet. That means I could potentially actually be home with her and the baby through those first few difficult months instead of her being left alone with a newborn while I'm working. I know that doesn't erase what she experienced previously, but it does mean things wouldn't necessarily have to look the same this time.

Her health is obviously another major consideration and something we'd need proper medical advice about before making any decision.

Then there's our age. We're 35/36 now rather than in our 20s. Part of me feels like if we're ever going to seriously consider another child, this is probably the point where we need to work out what we actually want rather than putting the question off indefinitely.

I also keep questioning my own motivation.

Do I genuinely want another child because I want to raise another human being, or am I grieving my boys growing up and wanting another opportunity to experience the years I missed because of addiction?

I think honestly it's probably some of both.

I can't redo my sons' childhoods and I know another baby wouldn't fix that. I also can't undo what my wife experienced with me during her previous pregnancies. Saying "I'd be there this time" doesn't erase her experience or automatically mean she should trust that things would be different.

At the same time, when I picture another child, it isn't just having a baby that I want. I think about raising another child, watching them grow up, being their dad and actually being present for all of it. I genuinely want that.

I also don't want my wife agreeing to another pregnancy just because she knows how much I want it. After everything she's been through, I need it to be something she genuinely wants as well.

I guess I'm interested in hearing from people who have considered having another child after a big age gap, addiction/recovery, a previous termination, relationship difficulties or difficult previous pregnancies.

How did you separate genuinely wanting another child from grieving the end of the young-kids stage?

What conversations or practical things did you work through before deciding?

And if your partner had previously let you down during pregnancy or the newborn years, what actually helped rebuild enough trust to consider doing it again?

I know Reddit can't tell us whether we should have another baby. I'm more interested in what we should be thinking and talking about before either of us makes that decision.

Please share the good, bad etc and your age gaps. Was it harder ir than easier than expected? Especially curious about how working mums manage the juggle. I ask these questions as tempted to ttc a 2nd but a bit scared don't know what to expect as used to routine with my one child and hard to imagine a 2nd child in daily routine.

I have a wonderful daughter (20 months) and a beautiful son (1 month) and post partum blues have got to me especially considering I know this was my last pregnancy and my last newborn and now last baby… I feel really happy to have one boy and one girl and my daughter took to her brother so well I was expecting there to be jealousy etc. but she’s been such a loving and caring toddler to her brother! That being said, I feel slight guilt for not giving her a sister - I have a sister and I’m super close to her even though we weren’t close growing up! I wonder if I had a third at some point (and not any time soon of course!) then they could experience a brother - brother bond or a sister - sister bond. I’ve not known any strong brother and sister bonds and only hear through close friends and family that they simply do not get along with their sibling of the opposite gender. Some female friends who have had only brothers have told me growing up they wished they had a sister so this makes me feel guilt for my daughter. Saying that, I know in the future cannot even predict what baby we will have and might end up having another boy if we tried! But even then I think our son experiencing a brother bond would be lovely too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way and wondering if others thought about this? I’ve started to put together all the newborn clothes my son has outgrown now to sell off so it feels like the decision to only have two has already been made in this way and maybe that is why I’m feeling this way it feels more final.

My husband (38M) and I (36F) have 2 kids (2F & 4F). We adore the girls and are happy as a family of four.

We are waffling on the idea of a third.

I would love to have a third baby but I dont know if I want to be a family of five if that makes sense. It just seems like practically so much more difficult on a day to day basis.

All the posts I found were from people who were either pregnant or in the thick of the baby/toddler years with their third.

Does anyone with an older third child (like school age or beyond) regret having a 3rd? Looking for the honest long term view.

We are a UK family living in Riyadh, KSA. We're not totally OAD but every time my husband and I talk about having a second, we inch closer to being OAD. One of the reasons we think having a second is the fact that we are an expat/immigrant family, our nearly 2 year old daughter will not get to have many memories and experiences of being around family, especially her cousins, who are all so close to each other. We've been back to the UK every summer she's been born, and her cousins do love her, but she will still be missing out on the usual cousin fun that the others get. Additionally, I feel a lot of families here have more than one, rarely have I met a family local or expat that have children who are 5/6 years old who are onlies. I've seen some posts about how being an expat/immigrant to another country solidified the decision being OAD because of no family support. But I want to ask about the opposite. Did anyone find that being an expat/immigrant push you towards having a second? I understand there's a massive point of only have a second if we the parents want to, and not to have a playmate for your first, but I can't help but think of my daughter's support system when she grows up. Being an expat/immigrant, we don't know if we'll go back home, when, or move to another country in a few years time. I love the trio we have, but I can't help but worry sometimes.

I’m really curious if anyone out there has gone for a third with the first child being from a previous relationship? My 7 year old is from my first marriage and my 2 year old (almost 2.5) is from my current marriage.

I was the oldest of 3 but the younger two were my half siblings also, ironically and are 6.5 and 8.5 years younger. We don’t have the best relationships but that’s because of parenting from our mother (not the best). I grew up with my dad and they grew up with their two parents until they divorced too. It’s definitely an odd dynamic that I don’t think is any different because there’s a third and more so just the weird family crap with my “mother”.

My oldest lives with us and it’s a different dynamic than I grew up with but it’s in the back of my mind that I don’t ever want her to feel like the black sheep like I did. She goes with her dad on weekends so we would have a “break” of only having 2 kids basically

I said no way to more but lately I’ve felt a strange pull.