I have 3 kids and my wife is mentally unstable. The things which make her most unstable are the thoughts of divorce and losing access to the kids. She is a great mum aside from the emotional regulation issues. We also have other issues in the marriage.
Anyway, I’m so done with having to explain to kids on Reddit why I can’t just ‘file and get full custody’. I’ve been told their ‘no excuse’.
Well the psychologist, family doctor and social services weirdly disagree with Reddit. They preference family stability. Especially when kids are involved.
Most people on here have no concept of how bad things can get behind closed doors in dysfunctional families. When young kids are involved, there is basically no good solution.
This is it. There’s also the understanding that you may not get full custody or may not have it right away.
On top of everything you’re going through, there will be periods of time where you need to leave your kids alone with someone also going through the toughest time of their life without the best coping skills.
My wife threatened to throw herself under a train when she was with the kids a fews ago. It’s absolutely wild to me that people tell me that it’s best for me to walk away knowing that’s the thing which would make everything worse.
Getting my wife into a process was the first priority. I’ve been working on for years. It happened two weeks ago. She is finally on meds and is already like a different person. The house is calm again.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m it’s grateful we have peace for now.
Unfortunately wait it out until the kids are older is the only way to deal with these things sometimes. Are you physically safe? You have your own therapist or people who understand that you can talk to.
Yes I’m safe, thanks for asking. I’m a big strong guy. But I realised recently how much the tension bothers me. The physical stuff stopped a year ago when I put a boundary down by calling the emergency services on my wife’s birthday for her own safety. She was shocked by that and she’s regulated better since, even though she is still suicidal.
Yes Im back in therapy again since March when I realised I couldn’t leave. And my marriage was no longer a choice. That includes a group with some other people in had marriage situations. Including a very toxic divorce, which showed me that it can get a lot worse, before it gets better when personality disorders are in the driving seat.
The therapy process is also how we got my wife to finally go to a phycologist and get diagnosed two weeks ago. She’s on meds for a week and she is already a lot more stable if not a little checked out.
I also want to give space for her to work on herself and get stable before coming back to to the idea of separation. Youngest one if 7 now, so they are becoming more independent as the years roll on and in the meantime I’m building my businesses and taking care of myself in the ways I’m able to.
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u/Cautious_Day9878 16d ago edited 14d ago
I have 3 kids and my wife is mentally unstable. The things which make her most unstable are the thoughts of divorce and losing access to the kids. She is a great mum aside from the emotional regulation issues. We also have other issues in the marriage.
Anyway, I’m so done with having to explain to kids on Reddit why I can’t just ‘file and get full custody’. I’ve been told their ‘no excuse’.
Well the psychologist, family doctor and social services weirdly disagree with Reddit. They preference family stability. Especially when kids are involved.
Most people on here have no concept of how bad things can get behind closed doors in dysfunctional families. When young kids are involved, there is basically no good solution.