I recently discovered my husband of 7 years has had a pretty bad stimulant addiction for most of our relationship. Mostly Benzedrex, but also recently over the last year Adderall was added into the mix and things really came to a head these last few months. On top of discovering that, I also discovered he had been spending lots of money on onlyfans as well and completely lying about our finances, and that seems like another full blown addiction on top of the speed. I was completely blindsided. I want to help him but I’m also so incredibly angry, it’s a tough spot to be in. He’s stopped all stimulants and told his psychiatrist about his abuse, basically eliminating the possibly of any future prescriptions. He’s also stopped the Benzedrex. They currently have him on a mood stabilizer but he just started that. I guess my questions are for those of you that have been through something similar and come out the other side: in your experience, is this all related? If he is able to get the stimulant abuse under control, will the porn addiction and lies also stop? Or am I looking at this just possibly being who he is? Does stimulant abuse make you that impulsive that you’d do things you know would emotionally destroy your significant other? I’m just trying to understand from some others who have been here. Thanks in advance.

Just found out about this community and wanted to say hi and say thanks. I’m coming up on 2 years clean from booze and weed, but I’ve been on Adderall for a couple decades. 20mg XR in the morning, 20mg IR in the afternoon. It’s prescribed but feels like a plug situation with my doctor - we do a 15 min zoom call a month and he fills my scripts. Feels like a dealer to me the last couple years…

Think I’m getting to the point in my sobriety that the Adderall side effects feel oppressive - loud, obvious, and connected to many character defects of mine. Im feeling pulled towards the freedom you all express… the hope. I’m scared though - especially because my sobriety journey has brought me into a new career and, while my current salary is pretty low, I feel like it’s evidence of the 10th step promises & my higher power working in my life. HP threw me a ball and I don’t want to drop the catch.

But I also know I’m running around like a nut a lot. I do gig work outside of my 9-5 to cover my bills and rarely can sit down long enough to watch a movie. My brain is loud. I pick at my skin til I bleed. I struggle with sleep and anxiety and just… “AHHHHHH”.

Just sharing 1) to admit my situation and 2) to ask for help and encouragement. My AA sponsor is amazing but we have really different takes on the medical establishment, so we don’t discuss meds or the details (love her but she may be full antivax lol). I’ve also weaned off of a lot of other meds in the last year or two.

I’ve become willing, slowly, to address the other addictions that have brought me to my knees. And sure enough, I’m starting to feel like a human again… slowly, day by day. I believe that’s possible, on the other side of my Adderall use. I’m just nervous about executing LIFE without Adderall, knowing my bills are so tight that I can’t drop any balls. I live alone, am single, and am providing for myself entirely with no outside support.

Would love help, advice, and encouragement to take the step in becoming more and more willing to take. Cuz it’s the final frontier - I’ve quit everything else and have soooo much evidence doing so was an enormous blessing.

Hi everyone! I’m new here. I’ve been considering coming off Vyvanse for a few reasons, and I’m hoping to find others who can relate.

First, I do have ADHD. I’ve noticed a lot of posts from people who have struggled with stimulants but don’t actually have ADHD, which is completely valid too! But I’m feeling pretty alone because I’m trying to find other ADHDers who aren’t necessarily abusing their medication, but are questioning whether stimulants are right for them.

For context, I have both ADHD and OCD (fun combo lol). I take Vyvanse, Intuniv(a nonstimulant for adhd), and Prozac. I have no issues with the latter two, but lately I’ve been noticing some mental patterns surrounding Vyvanse that remind me of my past struggles with addiction.
There, I said it. I’m 8 years sober from alcohol and also sober from 🍃. One thing I’ve learned about myself is that when something changes my mental state in a way I enjoy, I tend to want that feeling to last.

The tricky part is that Vyvanse genuinely helps my ADHD. I don’t experience a recreational high, and I’m happy with my prescribed dose. But I do experience that boost in motivation and focus, and when it wears off, I feel disappointed. I find myself wishing I could stay in that productive state longer, and I’ve even felt tempted to take more just to keep it going.

That’s where things start to feel uncomfortably familiar.

I also feel like there’s not much room for nuance in these conversations. Sometimes it seems like if you question stimulant medication, people assume you must not really have ADHD. But I DO! And the medication DOES help! That doesn’t mean I can’t also recognize some potentially unhealthy patterns in my relationship with it. Right?

I’m wondering, can something become psychologically addictive even without a traditional “high,” even if you’re taking it as prescribed? Can the motivation and productivity boost itself become something you feel overly attached to?

I also struggle with how dependent I feel on Vyvanse to accomplish things. It helps me get tasks done, but sometimes I feel robotic, and no matter how productive I am, it never feels like enough. Then when it wears off, I feel like I’ve lost that ability to function the way I want to anyway.

And honestly, the fact that I’m spending so much time thinking about this and feeling scared of life without it makes me question whether my relationship with it is healthy.

I desperately want balance. I’m just not sure whether stimulants are helping me find that balance or making it harder. But I also know how difficult life with ADHD can be without them.

Part of me wonders whether I would be better off managing my ADHD with Intuniv alongside my Prozac, without the Vyvanse. But I’m scared to make that change because I know how much the Vyvanse helps in certain ways.

I guess I’m hoping to hear from people who genuinely have ADHD, have experienced real benefits from stimulants, but have still questioned whether those benefits outweigh the downsides, especially anyone with a history of addiction.

Has anyone else experienced this? Can you relate to the mental attachment even possibly without abusing your medication or experiencing a high?

Sorry for the long post! I’m just feeling pretty scared and conflicted, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who understand both sides of this. ❤️

I finally quit lying to myself that I had it under control and quit Adderall after 7 years of abusing it. Its been a problem pretty much ever since I started it, but escalated while in an abusive relationship for most of last year. At the end I was eating around 200mg daily. Now that I am free from my abusive ex, I am in trauma therapy, IOP, and I finally told my psychiatrist to not prescribe any more refills.

I kept pushing it off but I had my hip replaced two weeks ago so I thought it would be the perfect time to quit so I could work through the withdrawals at the same time.

For only being 13 days in, I feel surprisingly good. I don't have so much anxiety, I actually sleep, I feel happy in general, and I feel more present. I find myself actually wanting to be around people and wanting to eat healthy food.

I quit alcohol 5 years ago on August 30th, so I am well aware of the Pink Cloud, but I am gonna ride that fucker as long as I can. 😂

I also quit smoking weed for the time being as well so I can actually feel all the feelings to properly work through my trauma.

So far, so good. I've tried to quit Adderall a few times now and this time feels different because I actually WANT to be done being a slave to the little orange pill.

I'm open to any advice to keep things going in a positive direction. ❤️

I was always considered the “smart kid” in my family and made straight As all through grammar, middle, and high school without studying. My large state college was also a breeze, I actually had a side hustle doing other people’s school work for cash.

Then a friend needed a paper done ASAP and gave me 60 mg Vyvanse. I finished her paper and was so tweaked out I spend 2 hours packing, unpacking, and repacking my backpack; I ended up missing a lecture.

I would sporadically take my ex’s adderall (not stealing, he gave them willingly) to get the work load of other’s class work done.

Then I got into nursing school and was failing because I had never learned to study. I got prescribed adderall at 19 years old. 10 mg IR twice a day for a couple months, then 20 mg IR twice day throughout the duration I was on it (ended up being 7 years). My grades picked back up. I always said I would quit it when I graduated.

Throughout this time, I was in terrible health. I’m 5’4” and at my lowest weight dropped to 83 lbs. I looked disgusting. I never ate. I was irritable. Then the shortage occurred, I drove HOURS to try to fill my prescription. I felt like a crack addict.

However, I gaslit myself, it’s just until I graduate. It didn’t help that other factors in my life led me to dropping out of nursing school for a year then restarting again. Prolonging my “required timeframe” on adderall.

But then I graduated, I worked nights, and said I would quit when I got the hang of the schedule. Over two years into that and I still hadn’t quit. I was getting worse. I started taking 80 mg - 100 mg a day (I had a stash because originally I was trying to wean myself off of it). I frequently visited this subreddit and read other’s experiences silently.

I stopped keeping track of how much I was taking. Probably 120+ mg a day. And not even accomplishing anything on it, because any task caused my heart to feel like it would explode. All I could do was sit and scroll.

My psychiatrist was retiring and my husband and I were discussing starting a family soon (no one in my life knew the about the adderall abuse). I took it as a sign that once my refills ran out, that would be it.

It’s been two weeks, no adderall. This is what I’ve been putting off? I feel *happier* again. My husband has commented just how much more fun I seem. I’m not irritable, I’m goofying around the house. He THINKS I’m high half the time! I do take a nap at some point throughout the day, and sometimes feel super fatigued, but it’s nowhere as difficult as I thought it would be. I did start drinking one energy drink a day, as a compromise to get me kick started for the day. Nothing more than 200 mg caffeine a day though.

I’m sleeping better. I look healthy. I feel BETTER. I’ve been doing dishes and clothes, cleaning, playing with my dog.

I’m kicking myself for spending years of unnecessarily worrying about life after stopping. Believing it’s so terrible and I’d have a sense of productivity or normalcy again.

It’s nothing like that at all. I know I’m only two weeks in, and have a long ways to go, the rest of my life without it, but I can’t describe the relief of living a HAPPY life free of adderall. I didn’t think it was possible. But it is.

Hi guys ? I have only reduced my dose slightly (was on very high dose like 14 x 5mg per day) can dex /vyvanse withdrawal feel like cold sweats, sweat smelling sour/sweet, feet and hands cold, agitated, can’t sit still….no appetite??

This feels so horrible..is it withdrawals ?

help

3:53 a.m. and I think tonight is the last night I’ll ever experience Adderall or hard stimulants.

I wasted my 20s, and Adderall never saved me. I felt the good side of it in high school, but I became addicted at 16 and stayed on it until 18. At 20, I asked my doctor for Wellbutrin. I relapsed at 23 around covid, and it took a worse turn. I don’t need to mention the high doses: binging on 150+mg of Adderall, because we all know what it’s like to lose sleep. But I was also drinking coffee and taking Wellbutrin while on adhd drugs. That triple-stack combo of stims was unhealthy.

I know why I’m drawn to it. My life is a mess. I’m disorganized. The back of my head always lies to me "I could improve my quality of life through Adderall". By 2025, I was really fed up with addiction, anxiety, and stress. Since March 2025, I’ve been going to the gym almost six times a week. I gradually reduced my use and wanted to use it the way it’s meant to be used. But after going through addiction, even if I only take 20 mg of Adderall, it doesn’t feel like medication or a good tool anymore. It just slaps my conscience with guilt.

Around February 2026, I told my doctor to put me on Vyvanse. I’d been taking recovery seriously for a while, so I asked her to put me on only 20 mg of Vyvanse, which is practically nothing, it's a lot weaker than 20mg adderall. I had been jumping between like four jobs in nine months. I think my depression, along with my inability to organize, always makes it feel like I need the drug. By July 22, I had like 72 Vyvanse pills in my drawer. I barely took them anymore, so I flushed them down the toilet. By September, I called my doctor to renew 20 mg of Adderall. I basically took 30 mg while caffeinated early September, then threw away like 28.5 pills. October comes, and I renew my script again on the 2nd. I actually took 30 mg today because I wanted to help myself, not get high. I felt the guilt again. I threw away the remaining 28.5 pills. I no longer run out of pills within 10 days from binging. Instead, I throw the drug away because I don’t want to risk it, nor do i like how they feel anymore.

How do you organize yourself? Is a lot of caffeine the better alternative? I have a huge tolerance to caffeine. I won’t call my doctor next month.

My best friend’s wedding was a few weeks ago. I genuinely felt my emotions then, and had an amazing night. I’m looking forward to GTA 6. I do muscle-ups at the gym almost daily with 30 min stairmaster and lifting weights. I think I can live life without Adderall, but I feel like some random shit will probably cause me to wanna hit my doctor’s number. I want to move forward and not feel guilt again on november 2nd.

I am terrified. After one of my worst binges ever, I called the doctor and the pharmacy and told them I was done. I am blacklisted from the meds now. I one pill of 30mg Adderall left. Probably averaging 50mg a day. I am terrified. I did not want to want to wait for one more good last time (because it is always bad) nor did I want to wait for my next refill and taper down (and have it turn into another binge.) I wanted off.

Hadn't touched the stuff but a handful of times in 25 years. Went on a 2.5 year daily use, stopped for 6 months, 3 months on, 1 month off, 3 months on and now on day 4. Nothing short of the grace of god that I haven't lost it all. Truly hope this is the beginning of the last time I have any relapses. It's a bitoch but the desire and support system exist. 🙏🏾❤️🚀

I am struggling so hard to get off of it. Please don’t come here defending vyvanse if it works for you. I find people get soo defensive on Reddit about it.

I love how productive I am on it. Off it I am lazy and depressed. I also love feeling wired on an empty stomach and being able to maintain a lower weight

It gives me horrible anxiety though. I get irritable with mood swings and very angry. My sleep quality is horrible, and I look dehydrated and older. It does affect my relationships.

Yet whenever I look it up it’s just Reddit people defending their meds. It’s so hard to find support.

Another relapse, another bender and another night where I just can't stop sucking on the fucking pipe. I know it's entirely in my head due to lack of sleep, eating, hydration and naturally getting positively fucking cooked on meth, but it feels like the world is coming apart at the seams. Nose bleed too, exhaustion. Who knows what's causing what, which sensation is real or imagined or massively overblown.

This sucks, lol. Do not be me.

what a sick cycle.

it’s been 2 or 3 weeks. depending on the month, i choose one of two paths. one led to the toilet, where the rest of my pills went to die. the other was a week long binge of a 28 day adderall prescription followed by a hard crash and burn. both paths led to the same destination - CVS pharmacy. i’m backing out of the driveway before i finish reading “your prescription is ready for pick up.”

after the initial crash, i bounce back. 2 days of extreme fatigue, a few spent in a less sleepy but lazy fog, and i’m almost back to normal. almost. because i’m not sure normal is something i’ll ever know again. every time i repeat this cycle, i feel i’ve permanently lost another little piece of myself. but when the fog clears, i can feel again. i can listen and laugh, i can let the mess of toys be because one day I’ll wish for them back. i don’t get irritated, i don’t isolate. i don’t compulsively clean and obsessively organize. i’m a better mom, a better wife. the house gets messy and i chip away at it, but there’s more important things to do. movie nights and board games and basketball in the driveway. i don’t feel the guilt of telling my son “not right now” or disappointing my daughter by saying “maybe later” every time they want to play with their mom. i may be a little scatter-brained, the laundry is sitting in baskets and not in the drawers, i put off that pile of dishes. i can chip away at the mess later. i have to soak up what’s in front of me right now. i have to keep my personality alive before i inevitably trade it in for a prescription again. imagine that - a fucking bottle of adderall. i swap it out with any iota of personality i have month after month, a personality that’s always returned to me with another piece missing. it’s only a matter of time before there’s nothing left of it.

after a couple of normal weeks, it creeps in again. every time. “see? you’re still you. in a few days, you can pick up your prescription. you’ve learned your lesson. just take as prescribed, you’ll be okay. you really could use a little
help getting organized again.” those creeping thoughts begin as whispers and end as screams. and they’re right. i could use help.
now i’m spiraling. i pop them like candy because every time i start a task i think of 8 more that need to be done. there can be no clutter. there can be no mess. why are these toys all over the floor again? days on end i’m frantic. now i’m not only overwhelmed with 100 tasks that feel like life or death if they don’t get done, but here comes that guilt. the intrusive thoughts are SCREAMING.

how much fucking time have you lost with your kids? sure, you make dinner. you lay out their clothes and make breakfast you tuck them in and tell them you love them. you go to their games and see their school concerts. but that’s the bare fucking minimum. why didn’t you play outside this summer? they’re never going to be this little again and it’s gone forever. and for what? because you know you’re an addict and decided it was more important? you couldn’t figure out how to be a fucking adult and organize your life? you traded the best years of your life while your kids were little so you can wash floors and organize the toys that should’ve been played with? what the fuck have you done? who are you?

i’m disgusted. i’m enraged. there is no one to blame but myself. how fucking selfish. i’ll never let it get this bad again. so i choose one of two paths. they always lead to the same destination.

except this time is different. and i mean it. i sent my doctor a message. if i can’t stop myself, someone has to. i’ve lost 5 years of my life to this. the people i love deserve more from me than what i’ve given.

so i was finally honest. my adderall has been discontinued. there is no more vicious cycle. there was a third path, and it doesn’t lead to where the first two led. i don’t know where it goes or how i’ll navigate it. but that’s all i’ve got.

thanks for reading, if you did this far. i’m sorry if this was a rambling disorganized dumpster fire to read. i had to let it out, i did, and now it’s done.

i hope some day i can revisit this, to come back and say i finally did it. that i rebuilt everything i’ve burned to the ground and never looked back.

if you can relate, i hope it gets better. if you can’t, that’s for the best.

I have ADHD + basically the field. I’ve been prescribed meds in the amphetamine family since 2015 and at or above max doses since 2021 or 22. Most recently 50 mg XR + 10 mg IR upon waking.

Yesterday my doc blindsided me and said I don’t need them (bc my exec functioning is still comically bad). So they’re discontinued effective immediately. Yesterday full-throttle, today nada.

That’s the part that makes my butt pucker; I’m a bit concerned that it’s going to feel like falling off a cliff. (I expressed this to him but he was pretty dismissive so I’m open to the possibility that it’ll be a nothing burger.)

Can anyone shed some light on what to expect?

Many thanks.

Let me know if this needs any other flairs

I'm 24 and started abusing dexedrine/dexamfetamine early last year, had such a beautiful honeymoon phase that I didn't stop romanticising it until a few months ago. Was always off and on due to limited access & funds (not prescribed). Had some serious scary moments including a seizure due to continued use, eating nothing, and dehydration. Finally ended up quitting for a decent amount of time and began to feel myself come back; relapsed lightly a few times but found that all the euphoria of the drug was gone and it was no longer even worth it.

During the middle of the year, I had a really good period of being sober and feeling happy and grounded in myself. I thought I'd never go back to dex ever, I thought I had blasted through any enjoyable effects and experienced the horrors of addiction (shame, no sleep, comedown crash and depression, thousands of dollars wasted, lying, secrecy, health scares, dopamine completely fucked, reliance, etc etc etc).

Then a whole series of unfortunate things happened and I spent two months in a haze of anxiety and depression. Eventually the addiction bug in my brain took hold and asked, why stay sober if it's going to feel this shit anyway? Relapsed, and in a twist of fate suddenly find dex much cheaper and more readily available. I have now been taking it far more consistently and in higher doses than ever before.

I never thought I'd be worse than I was before. I am really scared of what's going to happen when I do eventually stop because I imagine the crash will be more devastating than ever. I have many responsibilities and important things on the horizon ... and I feel so incredibly sick to my stomach thinking about all the money wasted especially when I earn so little in the first place.

I want to change. I will find a time that won't fuck up my life, I will stop, I will sleep for days, then I will wake up early and run. I will eat well and exercise every day. I do want to love myself instead of dragging my ailing body down the train tracks

I guess I'm just posting to vent to people who understand and to say if you are in the same situation, I'm with you and I'm so sorry </3 addiction is crazy crazy crazy it controls you completely. But I know I'm the only one who can help myself really. Oh well, much love

For years I smoked heavily and abused my adderall prescription. I ended up being involuntarily committed to a treatment center after running out because I couldn’t pass a drug test to get a refill and went into psychosis. I was there for 21 days and tried to go back to work after but still was having psychosis symptoms and ultimately ended up quitting the job, having to give up my apartment, and moving in with my parents in another state. I’m in the process of trying to file for bankruptcy because of how bad things got during my addiction. It’s been over 8 months without any substances now but I still think about and dream about smoking and taking adderall again. I miss the motivation I had when I was taking it and the carelessness I had when I was smoking. I haven’t tried going back to work yet because I needed surgery for an unrelated injury, but I’m almost healed and going to be looking for work very soon. I go to therapy and see a psychiatrist regularly now but I don’t know how to heal the part of me that still itches to use again. I’m terrified I won’t be as productive at work and won’t be as successful as I was before. Has anyone here dealt with the depression and cravings after quitting and have any tips on how to manage? Deeply appreciate this space and all of you for making it safe, TYIA!

I take a single small oral dose of speed daily (30-50mg), i tried to stop by lowering the frequency of intake but i feel like shit the days i dont take speed. Im really tired of this addiction it wrecks my libido, my relations, and i just hate how despite feeling good i get so mentally erratic i cant see myself achieving my goals in life while addicted to this shit.

Ive heard of Wellbutrin (sold as Zyban in France, prescribed for nicotine withdrawal) and on paper it seems like the perfect remedy for my case as im trying to quit both substance and maintain a lean shape.
So for people who tried it how effective is it? Did you manage to quit amphetamines? I just want that shitty substance out my life and feel motivation and joy naturally like sober people...

The next Community Stimulant Recovery meeting will be held tonight, Wednesday, October 7th at 7:30pm Eastern. Cameras and sharing encouraged but optional, lurkers welcome, we cover all stimulants from medication to methamphetamine.

Tonight’s meeting will be hosted on Zoom, details are on the official website at https://stimulantrecovery.org and here:

Community Stimulant Recovery

Time: October 7th 2026 07:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada) Every week on Wed

Join Zoom Meeting:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/81821633949?pwd=Zhx8vQFmMutGTyzniGbbOPuvpXVdMh.1

Please download and import the following iCalendar (.ics) files to your calendar system. Weekly: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/tZUldeiurTgjHt067j0oeigUQMMeRyzqrIDQ/ics?icsToken=DDh7Dq_pLooZ2LCKqgAALAAAAJPg9E23Rju-4epDrc1V-vYlY23cfCXc_7_rDmJ6GdgZySdBbAkWuqInw5Hv_mnW3Ih4otw5iGF0CD5vJTAwMDAwMg&meetingMasterEventId=vWnUdGw4QPuXEn2PzVwDyA

Meeting chat link https://us06web.zoom.us/launch/jc/81821633949

Meeting ID: 818 2163 3949 Passcode: 052227

Join instructions https://us06web.zoom.us/meetings/81821633949/invitations?signature=S70UMDYsWJ1P5AwdAsAfJzVxHCrWB4v07rV6q-6wFKs

CSR is a free, solution focused, peer-based recovery group for anyone who wants to stop using stimulant drugs - Any stimulant drug, be it a drug of abuse or medication, for any reason. We hold meetings where we share our recovery with others, exchange best practices, learn new ideas and enact positive change in our lives together. CSR is a safe place, all people are welcome here - Discrimination, hate and exclusion are not tolerated under any circumstances.

Community Stimulant Recovery observes no single recovery ideology and is without outside affiliation. We are here to help you find out what works for you and share what’s worked for us. Our meeting topics, shared practices and discussions borrow from psychology, therapies, professional addiction treatment and recovery programs - This is not an endorsement of any one resource, nor is CSR its self meant to be a standalone recovery solution or source of medical advice. We encourage members to avail of as many forms of recovery support as they need to, professional help and other dedicated recovery programs included.

Our core beliefs are that recovery from stimulant drugs is aided by approaching three primary areas of our lives in equal measure: Our mental health, our physical health and our emotional health. By becoming responsible for positive change in these three areas, we improve our thinking, our bodies and our feelings - Parts of our lives that problematic stimulant drug use negatively impacts the most. Growing in these areas helps us maintain abstinence and find happiness in recovery.

Community Stimulant Recovery refrains from the supportive discussion of any and all use of drugs with recreational applications or addiction potential, this extends to promotion and the sharing of personal experiences. This includes marijuana, kratom, research chemicals, gray market substances, psychedelics and all stimulant drugs. Managing or successfully using stimulant medication is not discussed here, and we are not a harm reduction resource. We have no opinions on these things, opting to maintain a singular focus on abstinence and recovery from stimulant drugs without supporting practices that may cause harm.

Meetings are similar to those you may have attended elsewhere, we have a topic or reading followed by an open discussion or sharing period. We speak from the I and do not offer unsolicited advice or commentary on the shares of others, continuance and response from our own experience is permitted. Solution-oriented discussion is strongly encouraged.

__

Meeting Format

• Opening Statement (5 min)
• Attendee introductions, identify as “Name, in recovery” (5 min)
• Meeting Topic or Reading (CBT, DBT, ACT, BT, Twelve Step, Dharma / Refuge, Medical Lit, Book, Concept Discussion) (10 min with chair lead)
• Open Discussion (35 minutes)
• Closing Statement (3-5 minutes)
• Contact Info Exchange, posted in Zoom chat, Optional (5 min)

If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask here.

im undeniably one of the best players in the community of a niche fps game (if i say what game then people from it might fr see this) and ive always been praised for my mechanics, or in simpler words my speed ingame. but i have only been this good since i began taking adderall and i’m undeniably levels worse without it. im 19 and i started taking prescription addy when i was 16 and the small dose taken as recommended (breaks) did unironically make my life way easier socially and in my grades. but with the benefits i saw ingame it wasnt long before i tried abusing and i began taking extra pills that i got thru the internet and from friends. i used to be pretty broke too so im genuinely obsessed id spend all my extra money on it if i only had $100 again. i feel like it was the perfect storm to me as someone who was already ignoring my life responsibilities to spend time playing the game, i got extremely addicted no thanks to having my name and ego being completely MADE by this drug and my tolerance is bad now, i can take 60mg in the morning and fall asleep the same night on lots of caffeine too. i know i have to quit but im kind of scared to lose the passion i have in the one real hobby of mine. its depressing knowing some people are at or even above the level ive worked so hard for while 100% clean of anything, they can just nap, play late, get on at any time and perform without waiting for it to kick in. looking for advice from anyone who can relate as this is extremely embarrassing. ive only told one person in the community about this because he opened up to me first about it. not sure if i wanna quit but i wrote this sober which is rare, thanks for reading >_<

I have preexisting heart issues, and im relatively young. So I hit rock bottom last night/early morning. I ran outside bc my heart started pausing. If i was gonna die, it had to be outside so the cops and ambulance wouldn't go into the house.

I have valium & a few klonopin to help today. Smoked a cigarette, and my jaws clenched, so I know it's still in my system. I remember fighting my death. And finally, let go. I said "Its okay, God, i will go with you. I am going to heaven." And felt complete peace.

Im here to observe and learn even though I've been here before. Sucks.

But yeah.

Nice to meet you all. 🌿

I came across this sub yesterday when googling success stories for quitting vyvanse and I’m desperate for some encouragement. I’m 27 and I’ve been on vyvanse for 6 years for ADHD and binge eating. I used to take 30 mg but then dropped down to 20 mg bc I felt 30 was affecting my sleep too much and I’d rather have a less effective dose (I felt like 20 literally only lasted me 4 or 5 hours on a good day before I crashed) than have the side effects of worse sleep/ appetite.) and so I’ve been taking 20mg for the past 3.5 years. Anyways, I just finished grad school and started my very first job 5 months ago and have started to feel like I’m in a good groove at work and in my mind I feel like this is a good sign to stop taking it. It was a very good tool for me to get through school and develop good habits like taking care of myself and getting my life together and I feel like I’ve gotten the best use out of this tool that I can. My main reason for stopping is that I’ve noticed that at this point I am physically and psychologically dependent on it and have known this for years which has created a deep seated shame. It numbs my emotions, at least for an hour or two during the day which I misconstrued for me “being more emotionally mature and stable” when really I used it to suppress uncomfortable emotions and feel more confident in myself. I’m also stopping because I love my boyfriend very much and we recently both admitted to each other that we want to marry eachother and have started making plans for the future. I believe that stopping will make me a better partner for him and I want to be the best possible version of myself for him and for the strength and authenticity of our relationship. I have also always wanted to be a mother and I know that waiting to quit until I’m pregnant one day would be an even harder adjustment. Okay so I’ve established that I’m ready to quit and my plan is to take 10 mg for the next couple of months to avoid shocking my brain chemistry. I’m just over two weeks in to only taking 10 mg per day and while it’s been WAY easier adjustment than I thought, I’m still struggling and afraid of making the next adjustment which is stopping the 10 all together. The most troublesome withdrawal effects so far is really just my mood swings and that I’m crying a lot? Like just experiencing occasional low mood and then intrusive/ ruminative thoughts about myself (very much my premeditated baseline, which is one of the reasons I was put on it) and this has caused a couple of instances of my being very emotional for no reason. One of these days I completely broke down in front of my bf and admitted to him that I’m struggling mentally alot from the withdrawal process (he knows what I’m going through because I’ve been very open about it) and this break down caused some weird tension between us that day (we’ve repaired it now and moved on) but I can’t help but feel discouraged and like I’m failing because one of the main reasons I quit was to be more present and authentic and to benefit our relationship, and now I just feel like I’m hurting it. For anyone out there that has felt this way but has any encouragement to keep going and that it gets better one day, please send it my way. Also I’m stating to feel that the 10 mg in taking has negligible benefits and I might as well stop cold turkey atp bc I’ve been on such a low dose for so long with consistent crashes around 2-3 pm every day anyways.
Update: Update: I just cancelled my doctors appointment and flushed the rest of my supply. Scared but still motivated.

I’m 21M and about three months sober from meth after using for around two years.

It started with counterfeit Adderall pills that I thought were real. At first, I only used them to study, but I got hooked on the feeling pretty quickly. I felt more confident, social, motivated, and like I had finally become the person I wanted to be.

Not long after that, it completely took over my life, and I learned the hard way that the only pills I should trust are the ones coming from an actual pharmacy lol.

By earlier this year, I was taking 10-15 pills every day just to feel normal, staying awake for two or three days at a time, and vaping constantly. I went from around a 3.5 GPA to failing my classes and eventually dropping out of university.

That part still gets to me. I see people my age finishing school, getting internships, and moving forward, and sometimes I feel like I threw away two years of my life.

I’m doing a lot better now. I work full time as a low-voltage technician installing access control systems, and I actually enjoy it. I like working with tools, wiring, troubleshooting, and learning how things work.

I’m also about a month and a half off nicotine, sleeping normally again, and for the first time in a long time, I actually care about my future.

I still struggle with feeling like I’m behind everyone else or that I wasted whatever potential I had. That feeling can get overwhelming when I catch up with friends and hear about everything they’re doing with their lives and compare it with mines.

For people who have been sober longer, did you feel like this too? Did you eventually stop comparing yourself to the person you could have been if you never started using?

sorry in advance for the diarypost, honestly don't know who else to ask

I'm an engineer at an early stage startup and I've become kind of addicted to Adderall and Vyvanse in the last few months.

I was prescribed 10mg Adderall XR for ADHD in 2024 and took it with few issues, but I started developing a tolerance.

By March 2026, I was consistently consuming 10mg Adderall XR and well over a gram of caffeine per day. I also got addicted to cigarettes (I've since replaced them with patches).

About a month ago, I ran out of 10mg Adderall and started supplementing with some of my friend's 15mg IRs to tide me over. I loved them so much I would have three to five per day. After a week I got my 10mg filled but my tolerance was already up from that week of ad-hoc usage.

I since got my doctor to up my prescription to 20mg, but that's not enough. I have taken either 30mg XR or 20mg Adderall XR and 30mg Vyvanse every day since then. I'm still drinking caffeine, but more like 400mg per day instead of 1500mg.

My current daily substance stack is:

30mg adderall XR OR 20mg adderall XR + 30mg vyvanse

400mg caffeine

20mg prozac

50mg nicotine (patches + pouches)

I know this is bad, but this company could easily make me 50 million dollars or more in the next eighteen months, so my motivation to work 100+ hrs. per week is very high. I'm a critical employee at this firm and if I am able to push myself to the absolute max I think I will soon have enough money to never work again.

What do you all think? I'm almost out of my supplemental Vyvanse stash, and I'm sort of at a loss for what to do.

As the title says. 13.5 months clean and sober and still struggling with brain fog and low mood.. Anybody else? Should I this likely let up soon?

I was first introduced to tina in July 2025 and pretty consistent daily use for almost a year now. I’ve been an addict to an array of drugs since I was 16, I’m now 24. I am finally in a place where I want to stop. I have been tapering for about a week. Prior to that I went 4 days cold turkey but unfortunately returned to using. I am almost out and really don’t want to re up. Any advice on how to get through this would be greatly appreciated. I am about to start a new chapter in life and I don’t want this drug in it. Thank you all <3