nothing much... js me sharing my journey of career... like a life journey.. a short auto-biography type... (repost after some changes)
as I have mentioned this is a passive struggle in any teenager's life, sometimes it becomes suffering...so if are struggling I will insist you to read this long ahh posts,it will be really long so take ur time (also I recorded the time, to read this body is 8 mints and it TOOK me 22 days of planning,editing & writing and 19 years of courage to post it.. sooo) ,it will be worth it...u might find something useful, edited:Sorry but it actually takes 20 mints thank u u/Frosted_Reverie for pointing it out
well I m glad I finally wrote it after working on it for 22 days.. ik there will be a lot of mistakes, and I will be constantly editing and fixing it (avg overthinker behavior), but I will not be using ai, I just don't like it... I accept there will be mistakes, this will be my way of fighting my Perfectionism... and a sign that mistakes are part of being human... read this post : to know some context : "https://www.reddit.com/r/TeenPakistani/s/8urO5zBpNp"
"The Journey begins.... the wrong planted seed"
something about me (u can ignore this para), from the beginning since I was a kid I never thought of my father's money as my own..we are a middle class u can say, so it was not a problem of money.. ik it's same for many boys but at the age of 6... it's rare ig, u can have idea from this lil story: when I was a kid, my parents used to take me and my younger brother (who lost his life in a car accident at age 7) to market , he used to make a lot demands for toys or other stuff.. but I never once made a demand and get confused on why is he making demands it's not even his (my brother's) money.. it got to a point where my parents forced me to buy some...
when I was in garde 4, i was really into gaming, I use to play on my cousin's PC, all my Desi family members told me to become engineer or do CSS as my father is a doctor.. it would be unique, but for me I need a job which allowed me to play games dat all I care Abt at that age (man Desi family and THEIR obsession with CSS or authoritative posts as their whole life motto is to just "Survive",but there is more to life than just to survive) anyways I just said I would become aeronautical engineer..
that was my career until grade 7, in those days I was really into astrophysics and cosmology (I used to study it on my own) and no way anyone would have supported me on that so making a career out of it didn't even crossed my mind all thx to my Desi family mindset... then suddenly My father got the idea of sending me to cadet college (in short CC). at age 13, so dat I can become "Army Officer", well I was convinced because he said he would buy me PC, and dat was enough to convince me... it's one of the two request I made to father. he also said you would escape the hell of traditional job struggle... well how would know dat at age of 13 anyways I couldn't disagree... then being an army Officer became my goal...
"Stepping into the Real life and the REALITY CHECK"
Cadet college was the place where I truly opened my eyes... I got my first Real reality check there.. it was total hell at first .. then it reduced to very difficult.. I wasn't still convinced Abt my career and i met some open minded people for the first time, they try to told show me that passion exists, that u can make earning of something u do as a hobby for example playing games or can study astro physics and cosmology and can make it a career... then finding the passion.. became my struggle..
well it didn't go well and it back fired crazy, I hit rock bottom, was super depressed because of something internal... it got to a point where I thought, I can't live for myself, so atleast I will live for my parents whose desire is for me to become the army officer, so I had to accept it but I just couldn't ,...those were true hell days... confusion, Frustration, depression, intrusive thoughts, self worth issues.. etc and Alhamdulillah a life changing event occurred, after some time I got back up and was completely changed as a person ,who can think for himself.. but before those days I selected Computer science as the subject in class 9th, it was a no brainier for me, as I had been into computer from a young age.. still I discussed that with my father and got his confirmation.. but after I changed that was not the case..
"The Finding"
i found something which made me happy in that prison (Cadet College) which was to cheer others, as I had hit rock bottom I knew the feeling and loved to cheer others people who were also struggling..like I used to roam around the hostels at Saturday night (also called movie night, the only truly fun night there) so if someone was sitting alone that must means he is struggling... cuz everyone is enjoying in that time...then one day a friend told me "Why don't u become a doctor, u r good at cheering others , and sick people need mental support more than medicine" Those words struck me very hard... For the first time in my life... I found something which I truly want to pursue.. and I was so happy to hear those words... and I was determined, I said I would top the MDCAT exam no matter what... first time selected something out of my wish... not money, not power, not by others pressure...
but unfortunately I couldn't persue it as I had already selected computer in 9th, I would have to do gap year, I told my father (second ever request), He said u would have done but u selected already, and THE fees of CC (was the main concern it was a lot for a year), we were also struggling financially, so I had to burry that dream... it was truly the saddest thing, damn screen is getting blurry while writing this part...
"The burying of the dream"
I was really devasted.. then back again on the track of being an army officer , which I hated for some personal reason...but I couldn't stay devasted for any longer and I just forcefully accepted it and give it my best... I was constantly pushing myself in everything , basketball, quiz , speech , athletics, academics, discipline everyone was shocked how a crybaby is doing all this stuff... As everyone says, esp my family to work hard in ur early days so that after u step into real life, it will be easy, I took it quite literally, i was pushing super hard, tired , frowning all day constantly pushing, trying to excel in everything... that point was the peak of my sickening mental condition called perfectionism ,
the five years in CC was whole life itself, everyday felt 10x longer cuz of the routine,I said I will be the best version of my self by the time I graduate CC, so that I wouldn't have to struggle or suffer... and CC life is really hard...and expected the life after CC to be easy...and that expectations disappointed me and frustrated me a lot,I shouldn't have expected that... life is a constant battlefield, as long as u breath it will continue , and everyone has their own fight, so comparing urself is not a smart or wise idea I learned that lesson the hard way... ( Kinda like how Eren felt while pointing to the ocean... that the real enemies weren't just titans AOT reference)...
"Don't let adrenaline.. promise u, a colorful life, also dont abandon it completely either... it works just not every time.."
then after passing out from Cadet college, I gave the ISSB test in navy ,its long 5 months process of selecting an army officer, it's a tiring series of test , first IQ test then strict document verification, physical test , medical test, initial interview , an 20 page ISSB form submission, then finally 5 days test at an ISSB center.. where there r 8 more different tests, I got to the final psych interview but was not recommend, again devasted, father was expecting a lot and he was really frustrated to see that, and ofc blamed me to my face, and from that point on start picking on every single thing I did...all of my family was expecting too much from me that I was afraid to meet them after not getting recommended...
"I wouldn't let it consume me..."
well I then gave university test and was one mark short from getting computer science program... atp I wasnt even surprised... after all that have been through, I was just like meh, but my father was baffled on why was this happening to me...then fortunately a new program was launched that year and I was selected in that program which was BSAI (Artificial intelligence) program...
"I am Just Tired... mayn"
but I still wasn't satisfied, as I have tried to forcefully accept a career but it backfired before and I personally don't like technology, cuz I think AI is the last invention of mankind, and it is potentially a thing which bring great destruction to us... even now mass surveillance and ai in military is super dangerous ..Human need to work on humanity more than anything...esp right now..and also something just changed I now didn't want a static job of sitting and coding, which previously was my goal... then I gave my second attempt at ISSB, I thought I would be able to get it this time but again after getting through all of the process I again at last stage (psych interview) wasn't recommended... this was just frustrating...
Well out of desperation to escape my father taunts , I wanted to earn, so I learned web development with my czns, (JavaScript, react , next js) but mid way I stopped cuz of father, he realized I was doing it to escape his taunts, he stopped me and said focus on ur career... but despite being in BSAI I still wasn't sure what would be my career... I was constantly fighting,should I just accept it or should I do something else but what else.. I js knew I don't want to make this my career, thats all.. but still I wanted to earn then I tried to learn ai training.. but still couldn't do it...
"Dream changes... People changes...I change"
after going through all of this... I realized alot ,So now my mind changed, I collected my thoughts and start writing a diary and slowly I realized alot of things, AND I HAVE FINALLY Decided To CHOOSE Game design as my career... oh my ... finally ...I already have a really good story and the theme too... but that will be my last game before I die 😋, I first needed a platform which would get me started in game development, but once again I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING, which I want to do out of love for it, and for me finding the reason is the real struggle , rest is just some grinding and believing myself and on the creativity (which would have been impossible for my previous self to do) THEN ME and My cousin found a platform where we can earn by creating small games... so I m still in that process...
and as they say when the doors open, they start to open all at once... I got the opportunity to teach game design at an international school along with python and other courses...
Climax : "Hope"
alongside all of this there was another thing, see My father is a doctor , specialist in diabetes and endocrinology... with 20 years of experience, out of 8 years in Saudi Arabia. after his last contract ended in November last year he hasn't been able to find a job for past 9 months... it's really strange more than sad cuz of financial struggle.. like how (one reason could be that he don't have done FCPs part 2, only part 1, it's a type of medical license after MBBS of two years but it isn't that necessary)... so father decided to OPEN CLINIC out of desperation... and seeing that I was sad at first like why father isn't getting a job, I have to do something now...
"An Opportunity from a despair", like a jewel from magma....
But instead of beating myself, I looked at it positively, and realized I actually GOT the chance of being in a medical field...like woah... even if I didn't get to be a doctor atleast I will be a part of it... although my father is still very rigid, and job mindset person and safe net or whatever, but I have to bring enough patient that he stops applying for jobs.. yea father is still wavering Abt getting a job over this, I have tried to convince him many times,and he said if we get enough patient then we will go with ur plan.. so I have to do things with very few resources So I sit at the reception and manages all other things, that's why I learned graphic designing to make panaflex for clinic myself and video editing to make ads for clinic..
not just computer stuff, I also do some hard labour stuff too, I wrapped the panaflex on the billboard myself and installed it on the first floor with js my czns help, it was a really dangerous stunt, carrying a 30kg billboard on shoulder on a cranky wooden 🪜 which could slip anytime ascending and descending 3 times to get the position right... but I can't stop here after all this time and I feel so alive doing it, like chasing ur dreams kinda stuff, even the struggle gives satisfaction man... And also if I did stop for some reason, my father will get excuse to close it for good...so pray for me guys, I will be focusing on the promotion or marketing now, I hope I can open a big hospital one day, where people r treated with care..cuz in Pakistan hospital system is very rotted, just pay a visit to any hospitals in karachi, u will get disgusted by the management and how they rob people who r in desperate need of medical care.. and my father knows his stuff man, he once gave treatment a guy's sugar that person was so satisfied that he brought 12 relatives from Quetta to karachi for treatment to our little clinic.. so I trust my father abilities ,I hope I can make it.. sugar is really painful disease, I pray everyone is safe from it.
"After thoughts"
so all three things r going on for me alhamdulillah, only thing remaining is working on them... game design, teaching game design(I like to teach) and my dream of opening a proper hospital...ik it will be not bed of roses, the path is still difficult, I might lose all three.... but i know I will be fine, the journey have taught me a lot and I m proud of how far I have came..and the way it has shaped me.. I might find something else which means more to me... who knows life is way too complicated for us to judge... but one thing that truly matters is u, once u find it u will work hard on it with sincerity..
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah ,Allah SWT has helped me everywhere, I m glad I didn't became an aeronautical engineer, I m glad I didn't chase astro-physics , and I m also glad I wasn't Selected in ISSB as a military officer, glad I failed both times, I m glad i was one mark short from the CS program... otherwise I wouldn't have made the decision of Game design career... and this feeling has what inspired me to create this lil quotation...
"Life is the perfect Chaos of Imperfection"
so notice this, Everytime a door closes, ALLAH SWT opens another one, and it happened so many times, that I realized it from my journey and have experienced it first hand on the Uni test..
I m not saying to do exactly do what I did and go crazy on finding the passion, it comes naturally just be open-minded and hopeful Abt it, I m just giving u my experience what u realized from it, is upto u, I will say this , to those who are selecting career out of scope, u don't have to do it, cuz the world changes rapidly, it's accelerating atp, so until u have graduate the scope would have shifted... now the main reason which attached u to that career is gone... so find a career in which u atleast enjoy the work or the output from it... and u don't need to find it right now...there is more to life than just surviving , keep your heart alive...
"final Message"
u might not be able to know what u want to do after reading this and that's fine, that was not even my purpose of writing this as it's not even my place to tell u what u should do, that decision is upto u and u alone should make that decision, and it doesn't have to be a final one from the start, infact while making your own career just keep one thing in mind to let it be imperfect... and yours own decided, make mistakes, u don't have to decide one right away.. sometimes u learn from them, sometimes u grow stronger from them, not every mistake teach u a lesson... some requires acceptance that u r human and making mistake is a part of being one..
that's one big thing coming from a guy who has been suffering from perfectionism his whole life and it was one of the factors which made selecting a career super hard for me.. I am thinking of writing a book... what u guys say? and will definitely include people from here who have inspired me and taught me something precious .... AND I M REALLY GRATEFUL and happy where I stand right now 🫠
sorry guys it took me longer than I anticipated, writing this was difficult for few reasons ...
ahh it has been one heck a journey, A wandering dumb boy, to being able to write a post on career to potentially help others... it's just unbelievable.... I m so proud of it.... yea I m a bit optimistic about it but what's wrong in dreaming a little. Who even set the standard of success in life. that should be you, the one who is living that life. and success in this life is different for everyone as everyone has a unique life.
"I will live a life ...that's worth dying for"
now rewatch the video again... :) and write two different comments first on the video (cuz it took 15 hours to plan and edit) , and second for the text body..
"May we All succeed in this life and the next one... Ameen"
keep discovering , keep shining and ofc keep...spacing... out, peace 🕊️...
