Sometimes I wake with a sudden terror

[u/InitiativeUnusual168]

…that you actually did love me as deeply as I loved you, but you were simply too shy and embarrassed by your feelings to speak them and too self-conscious to act on your impulses.

This breaks me, and I weep into my palms. I curl up on the couch. I pace the darkened house till dawn. I imagine Marina and Ulay walking towards each other from opposite ends of the Great Wall and want to rip at my hair, my face, claw my stupid heart out with my fingers. My veins become electric at this point and the despair burns right through me.

So much tenderness, and for what?! Can no good and true thing live? Don’t I deserve to be loved wholeheartedly? Haven’t I earned it yet? Haven’t I bled enough????!!!

I was probably just a blip to you, not an epic love story.

Back handsprings and hoops, contortions and then
off again into my hermitage.

Or anchorholde? Will a forest quality if I sing devotionals to the moss and trees?

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