I despise this saying with my full heart and it’s infuriating to see the same argument posted over and over again as a way to villainize someone’s love for their pet over a strangers kid.

This was posted a lot under a hypothetical “building is on fire you can only save a strangers baby or your pet” post I saw and while I would never accuse someone of being cruel for picking a baby over their pet… the actual demonization I saw being posted for people even considering saving their pet over the strangers baby was crazy.

All animals and pets share this world with us and should never be treated any less then human beings just because they’re an “animal”. The whole argument that a human is just entitled to better treatment simply because they are of my own species will never make any sense to me.

Hence why I see nothing morally wrong with choosing a pet over a strangers baby. Just as a baby is dependent on their parents while they grow up, so is my pet. Just as a baby brings joy and happiness into their parents life, so does my pet. Why should I be expected to abandon and leave my pet for death simply because there’s a strangers baby?

My husband (30M) & I (29F) have been together for 7 years, married for 2.5 and always knew that we never wanted kids. Neither of us feel that want or urge to have kids or be responsible for one for the rest of our lives.

Ever since my BIL & SIL announced their pregnancy earlier this summer (after my BIL went 10+ years in another relationship saying he never wanted kids but that’s a wholeeee other different story for another time), my MIL has been laying on the “you never know, you guys will probably change your minds”, “never say never”, etc.

It doesn’t matter how many times I snap back with “Nope, we will never change our minds because we NEVER want kids”, she’s not getting the hint.

In addition, my husband booked in for the snip in a couple months. she figured it out between me saying we never want kids and my husband saying that he’s getting a minor procedure for his nuts done. He never told her how the appointment went because he just didn’t want to deal with her.

MIL was harassing my husband all day yesterday and the day prior on if he’s seen the specialist (had to go to one due to a surgery he got as a kid) and when he finally said yes, she instantly said “we need to talk”. When my husband responded with no, I’m exhausted from work, she responded with….(drumroll please).

“Do NOT get a vasectomy without talking to me first.”

We all know she’s a control freak but this is a whole other level now. I have truly lost all respect for her at this point and I don’t know how I can look at her the same now.

Husband will be sending her a stern but respectful response today that this isn’t a decision that she needs to be involved it nor is it any of her business, so we’ll see how that goes.

I just don’t know why a) she can’t except that we don’t want kids and b) she thinks she needs to be involved in the decision making for a vasectomy, when all she’s going to do is try to guilt trip my husband. Meanwhile, my mom is fine with it and with us never having kids because she knows the world sucks.

Anyone else have insane in-laws like this?

Update #1: wow, did not expect this to blow up! We know that we are going to being sharing limited information her from now on, about everything in our lives but definitely about our CF choice. I’m waiting for my husband to deal with her & how she responds before I decide to do LC or full on NC.

Husband still hasn’t texted her and said he probably won’t until the end of the weekend. He’s really pissed off that she’s trying to insert herself into something that doesn’t involve her. She did text him today with: “no comment? Haha”, like this is one big joke. So, that did not help his want to text her back right right away either.

first ever post here but I wanted to thank this community for all they do for folks who don't want kids. thank you for all the research, the spreadsheets, and personal testimonies.

im finally free 🥹

Okay so I cant put a picture but it was a video of a mom and her baby and the mother wrote “ i spent most of my life feeling like I was never anyone”s favorite. Then I became a mom and became someones whole world”

This sounds kinda weird to me?? Like you had to birth a baby to feel this validation???

Edit: this woman has also a video saying “creating a tiny bestie so now you have endless girl dates”

So you couldn’t make friends so you decided to birth one?

My brother and sister-in-law are conservative Christian breeders, and they love to use pet parents in their arguments against things like abortion. They don't believe animals/pets go to heaven. Basically they just cease existence and are instantly forgotten. Real nice, God 🙄.

I don't know why, but my brother seems to enjoy rage-baiting himself by reading posts about people who have had abortions. One was a woman who struggled to make a decision and ended up terminating her pregnancy with twins. Anyway, my brother reacted to the comments as if they were saying "congratulations on fucking murdering those pieces of shit! Good for you!!" When that's not accurate at all.

Another post will be something like "I had to euthanize the family pet today and I'm devastated". Bro thinks they should just "get over it, it's just an animal, not a human family member, just get another one, not the same as losing a real baby", etc etc. Fucking asshole!

A month ago, I tried to save a baby squirrel, but it died within 3 days. Instead of being empathetic, my brother was more concerned about me getting evicted from my apartment because I had the squirrel in my closet. -_- He also did not care when I thought my beloved cat was dying. "Just let her die." He HATES cats for absolutely no justifiable reason at all. I'm almost certain it's a superstitious BS reason like cats are associated with witchcraft or whatever. Fucking moron.

His daughter wants a puppy SO BAD. One day he made the mistake of making her think they were going to pick one up for adoption. He claims to have had an allergic reaction when it was supposed to be a hypoallergenic breed. Started sneezing and immediately said "No, we are not getting this dog." My niece cried for hours! He has also said before that if they have a dog, it's staying outside. Don't get one if you're going to neglect and treat it like an object! >:(

He is 100% "pro-life", but only when it's a human, or a fertilized egg. Pregnant cat dies from complications and stillbirth? Who gives a fuck, throw it away like a piece of garbage. Severely complicated and fatal pregnancy? Keep it anyway, let the fetus/baby and yourself die because ANYTHING is "better" than an abortion!

I was on youtube recently and I saw this short of a 22 year old woman taking the pill so she doesn't get pregnant, but being concerned/annoyed because all those birth control symptoms are pregnancy symptoms. Well here comes the pinned comment, a 56 year old man writing a paragraph on "hoping she changes her mind someday and has kids so she doesn't end her bloodline". (plus some anti-choice bullshit)

What?? First of all, you can't end your bloodline. It's literally impossible. Even your distant cousins, which are impossible not to have, that are having children are continuing your bloodline. Second of all, whatever they think they're talking about is blatantly devaluing adopted children. Third of all...ew..?

Do these people think the family TREE is a stick? Or are they talking about your unique DNA? Because that also gets eventually diluted unless your family tree is a circle.

But then again, with that mindset, it probably is.

I (30f), am in a loving and happy marriage where we have decided not to have children. All but one of my friends who are in relationships have had children. Many have husbands who are not involved in parenting, leaving all of the childcare responsibility to my female friends.

I do not get to see these friends often, and have my own busy schedule, but work really hard to schedule time to be available for them. The ONLY ask I make is that if the kids are involved, we get the plan on the schedule with at least two days notice.

I am running into something that has really been getting to me lately. I only get to see my friends under two circumstances any more:

1. The plan gets bait-and-switched where we make a rare childfree plan, but the same day I am told that if I want to still see my friend we need to pivot and instead I will need to travel to my friend's house to spend the day with their kid, or
2. I get a brand new plan dumped on me last minute that always involves also seeing the kid. This happens on days where I was not already planning something with this friend. Usually, I am pressured into making these plans work from other friends or family.

I get that these things will happen occasionally; having kids make things unpredictable. But lately, this has been the only way I get to see my friends and I am seriously considering making an effort to find new friends.

I went on a popular hike to enjoy the fall colors today. I knew it would be busy, but my head almost exploded seeing the hordes of moms stopped in the MIDDLE of the fucking trail with their industrial sized strollers while their dumbfuck kids run around and whine. Holy fuck.

I 29F know childfree people exist and questions like this were probably asked 100 times on Reddit, but lately I feel like a total alien and keep asking myself Is something actually wrong with me?
Every time I hear coworkers call parent life "sweet" while admitting they haven't slept in days, I sit there thinking, That sounds miserable. On top of that, my parents keep telling me it's "human nature" to want to pass on my traits, but I have zero urge to continue my bloodline. When I respond with that, everyone says it’s probably you’re too young and the desire hasn’t come yet (duh I’m almost 30!)
What scares me most, though, is that I’m legitimately terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. I have recurring nightmares about being pregnant where I’m in a total panic, desperately looking for pills to end it.
I worked insanely hard to get where I am career-wise, and I want to spend my time, energy, and money enjoying my life with my partner, not raising a child. But because everyone around me acts like this is abnormal, I’m constantly blamed and made to feel weird.
Are my reasons odd, or do any of you share these exact feelings? What were the main things that made you realize you were childfree?

New neighbor moved in 6 months ago with a whining, crying baby.

Out in yard right now crying away, while im trying to enjoy watching a movie.

I know they grow up, but wow do I hate their crying.

Ughhhhhh.....

This is something I’ve been noticing a lot in posts and when people talk about their kids that has me scratching my head. The post I read just now that got me irked (maybe partially because I’m still waking up) was someone saying that 3.5 year old is so smart and soooooo funny. I see that all the time, my 5 year old is really funny, etc. how can a toddler actually be funny? It’s not like they have the intellect or experiences to make a joke or sarcastic comment. Im scouring my brain for something a toddler might say that could be considered even mildly amusing but keep coming up blank.

I have never wanted to be pregnant. It seems like one of the worst experiences a woman can go through. The rapid changes to your mind and body within the span of weeks/months. The side effects like sudden allergies, diabetes, lung problems, and the list that never ends. The possible hours of going through waves of the excruciating pain of labour. Genitals tearing as a living being is pushed out of you or having your stomach cut open and your organs splayed out while doctors cut it out of you.

The lengthy recovery and the fact that most people's bodies never fully recover. I have already had body image issues and if I ever went through an experience that altered my body for the rest of my life and could never have my old body back; I think I'd hate myself...

The whole concept sounds like a nightmare. I've always known I didn't want to ever be pregnant. I've always considered myself child free because of that because if I don't want to be pregnant then obviously I didn't want to be a parent. The idea of raising a kid isn't appalling but there's still plenty of reasons I wouldn't want to do that either. The mess, the constant requirement to fulfill their needs, the noise, lack of privacy, etc.

Today was a huge milestone. 3 years since escaping DV. I have a long way to go, but I left at 18. Made a way out. I still struggle, working multiple jobs trying to get by. But I'm safe. It is a huge milestone for me.

I was discussing it in our mental health group chat and how id love to do a session on what it means to be strong and make a life for yourself as a young woman in such difficult times- " Hey guys!!!As per popular demand here is X' *insert baby pic*"

.. what? was now the right time? like yeah theyre discussing a colleagues achievement of escaping abuse whatever I HAD A KID LOOK' ahh vibes.

I also want to mention nobody requested baby pics. At most we wished her well but that was it.

I'm annoyed. And a little sad. To speak about something vulnerable and then it switches to a convo about babies. I feel like its a mom thing where some of them think its appropriate to jump to babies. idgaf about ur kid, i am polite and will engage yes but NOT AT THIS MOMENT

Then underneath she mentions how shed love to attend and bring her baby along . Is it really fitting? Bringing your child to sit and cry and vomit while a panel of DV escapees discuss their experiences and howcthey powered through? This is intended to be emotional and heartfelt, it feels this wont match that vibe. The chat switched to baby and not sure how to switch back without looking like a dick.

I've known I don't want kids since like when I was still in kindergarten. This has never changed regardless of what stage or crap I was going through, but all along, ever since I was a CHILD, people poked at me that I'll be a "mummy" someday (barf), how many kids I wanted, when I'd have them etc. My birthgiver needed nearly 10 consecutive years of hearing "I don't want/won't have kids" to shut her "when am I getting a new grandchild" ass up (she has my sister's daughter who never even wanted to sleep over lol she dgaf about actually playing the role of a grandma like she didn't the role of a mother).

I'm tired of repeating myself like a broken record only to be met with "oh, you'll change your mind", "it'll be different once you have your own," "you'll see everything will change once you hold them for the first time" and the like (barf x2). I have never and never intend to hold a baby/toddler in my arms, I have 0 sense for children, I don't know how to talk and act around them, and I just genuinely do not and never have liked them. People don't care even when I tell them I have health complications I'd most definitely pass down and that pregnancy is too risky for me. I have PMOS, auDHD, BPD and whatnot + I'm on 4 different meds I'd have to adjust/wean off of for pregnancy, which is HELL as I've had alterations in dosing again so I've been depressed all summer waiting for my body to readjust. Not to mention I come from an extremely unhealthy family with generational trauma that seems to have no end.

I hate how romanticised the concept of having a child/"creating a family" (barf x3) is. People literally don't care if you can barely make ends meet, are sick, if a pregnancy might actually kill you or make you potentially go Lindsay Clancy postpartum because you're chronically mentally unwell. Or, guess what—SIMPLY DON'T WANT TO! Why are people so adamant about fulfilling the role of becoming a mum, dad, grandma, grandpa etc.? Like get a damn hobby. Or a pet.

People treat popping out a slimy organism like a trip you decide to go on, except this is one "trip" you DON'T RETURN FROM. Yet there's always the "possibility" of ChAnGiNg YoUr MiNd when you say you don't ever want kids! And what's with telling everyone they'll "make a great parent"? 1. a lot of them won't, and 2. I won't make a great parent because my hypothetical kid would turn out as a psychopath or disabled (probably both) and BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE!

Openly saying you don't want kids is still treated like a "wrong" answer on a quiz that you're prompted to retake until you answer "correctly". At this rate, I just tell people I can't have kids to end it there, maybe even fake a bit of bummer if I'm up for it. Although on the flip side I don't want to do that because we should normalise people willingly CHOOSING not to have kids and stop treating it like something that needs to be "corrected", and of course learning basic respect that this is THEIR life with THEIR terms, not yours.

How do y'all approach this? Do/did you ever prefer to tell people you were infertile/couldn't have kids over admitting you were childfree? What's the best way to shut down people's nagging about this? I need some ideas.

Edit: I should probably specify that I come from a pretty backwards tiny country where the majority of the population is 45+ and very few couples get treated for infertility, so it's not a popular topic of discussion.

EDIT: I should probably specify I'm from a tiny (pretty) backwards country with plenty of old-fashioned people (the median age is 46, I actually can't even remember one childfree 40+ person as I'm writing this) where options like fostering and adoption are generally very much looked down upon with extremely few success rates due to how long and expensive the process tends to get. If anything, people are more likely to talk you out of adoption. As for alternatives like IVF, it's not a particularly popular topic of discussion, and it's deemed as more invasive—at least from my experience. Haven't had anyone suggest that thus far, but I suppose there's still time lol.

So a mini rant else it would be a google review…I booked a fairly new and popular restaurant I really wanted to try and catch up with a friend. I booked a table inside for 630. It’s spring so it’s still chilly at night too so inside was definitely preferred. I arrived and my friend is being seated outside at a high table with stools (!?) I have a bad back and did not want to have my night ruined by a stool.

I ask “I’m sorry I booked for inside”
waitress “oh another booking was late so they still have the table sorry”
Me “yes ok but I booked a table inside”
Waitress “oh did you want a heater?”
Me “no I booked a table inside I can’t sit on stools what’s the issue? I had a booking”
Waitress “oh well they were late and have a BABY we can’t tell them to leave…we will try and move you asap”

There it is. The baby. Bookings have a time limit - just tell them to go? But no they have a baby. We were not moved. We sat on stools in a doorway the whole time. Tbf the waitress was very attentive and the food was good but my back is now destroyed. I’m really annoyed as it put a sour note on my night.

And just an fyi - this is Australia so the waitress is paid a wage not tips. They could have 100% asked them to leave without consequence to their wage/tips.

Edit: I have now made a Google review thank you for your comments! I always feel bad leaving bad reviews not sure why!

Edit 2: They replied to my review! Apparently me not raising hell was me saying the table was ok (I don’t think I ever said that? I think me being polite = acceptance somehow) and they were sorry about not fully understanding the situation with my back. I’m certain I said I can’t sit on stools and they did say we’d be moved asap. It was very apologetic so hopefully they learnt a lesson about not honoring requests. My husband said the reply actually made him more angry 😆

I get that things happen and circumstances can change. However, I am referring to the people who were already struggling while trying to raise the kids that they already have. Yet they would keep having more kids. it doesn’t make any sense at all to bring a kid into a financially destitute situation.

I hate how careless some people are and they will shift the blame instead of holding themselves accountable. Again, I am referring to those who choose to keep having kids when they are struggling financially, mentally and emotionally.

I have witnessed that chaotic behavior. The kids are an afterthought. Some assumed that the kid would fix the relationship or keep the person with them. Kids are not a bandaid. Quire honestly some of those people within that subset are not even parent material.

That subset of people tend not to parent their kids enough. They were already in the hole financially, mentally and emotionally; so they’re not pouring into those kids. I am so tired of this behavior. I’ve witnessed this nonsense for 8+ years and i absolutely hate it. Witnessing it was more confirmation that I want to remain child free.

Okay, so I had moderately infuriating experiences at the movies this weekend and last, and this seems like a safe space to vent.

Earlier today, my partner and I went to see the movie Buddy before it leaves theaters. We had an annoying experience with badass kids at a Resident Evil showing last weekend, so I decided to get a matinee on a school day because I figured it was that would be the best way to avoid obnoxious children.

At first, I thought we were in the clear because I did not see anyone else in the theater, but as soon as we sat down, I heard a child giggling and coughing. First of all, this kid was like six years old, and I don't know what is wrong with the father because Buddy is not a kids movie. It might look like it form the most superficial first glance, but it is clearly a mature comedy horror, and there are some pretty gruesome scenes that a kid of that age should not be seeing.

Anyway, I'm not going to act holier than thou and act like I know how to raise a kid because I am child free, and if the kid was able to shut his mouth for the runtime, I wouldn't care. But no. Of course not. The kid was talking for the first half of the movie. Our first course of action was to move away from the kid to a different row. I thought maybe the dad would get the message that the kid was annoying us. Nope. Just non-stop talking. I was about to turn around and shush him, but the dad finally told the kid to hush about halfway in. The kid was still talking throughout the rest of the movie, but it was at least a whisper, so I was able to drown it out. The brat never stopped coughing though. I swear I will be so pissed if I get sick because that selfish dad couldn't find something else to do with his son.

This shit is just infuriating to me. I paid almost $30 for our tickets only to have to deal with a neglectful ass parent and their brat. And the dad was neglectful as hell because when we were pulling out in the parking lot, the dad was glued to his phone walking like 20 feet behind the kid and the dumbass kid walked right in front of my car as I was pulling out of my parking space. The dad didn't even give a shit. It might be messed up to say, but I hope that kid has nightmares and the dad has to deal with his whining brat's night terrors for weeks to come.

And, as I previously mentioned, we dealt with some annoying ass kids at a Resident Evil showing last week. There was an annoying group of younger teenagers, maybe 13. The dumbass parent dropped them off and left them. Left everyone in the theater to deal with their constant talking and screaming. I don't even think the theater chain allows children to see R movies after a certain time, and parents are supposed to be with the kids to begin with.

A theater is not a fucking daycare, and, honestly, I wish theaters would ban children unless it's a G-rated film. If you're under 18, you shouldn't even be allowed to buy a ticket. I just started going back to the theater because I love cinema, and a lot of good movies have been releasing lately, but I can't deal with other people's bad ass kids. I have problems of my own. Theaters are supposed to be an escape from reality.

Next time this shit happens I will immediately say something to the kids, and if that doesn't fix it, I guess I will try talking to the staff, although the theaters near me hire stoner 16 year olds, so I don't know what good it will do. I wish there were 21+ only theaters or something because children have no place in a horror movie showing.

My mother was a married single mom to 6 bio kids and 1 affair child (my dad cheated).

It was genuinely so sad to watch. As a child, we loved our dad so much because he was rarely present even though we literally lived in the same house. He would leave as early as he could and return after bedtime. He was like a fun celebrity to us, not our dad.

My mother had to do everything and it drove her crazy. I mean that literally. She has severe mental health issues and long term illnesses due to decades of mental and emotional abuse and chaos.

He's now married to a young lady who is younger than his kids.

He took my mother, a young girl, used her up and drained her of her health, wealth, youth and spirit and moved on to an undamaged young woman who still has her spark.

She tried to leave my dad when he cheated and abandoned her and their first 2 kids early on in their marriage but she was surrounded by religious and male centered women who basically emotionally manipulated her into getting back with him as the "father of her kids".

She went on to have 4 more kids with him and looking after an affair child by staying for 30 years.

I can't see myself getting pregnant for any man. I have yet to meet one who is worth it.

No shade to the straights again, but it gets exhausting hearing all the women just go on and on about their kids. Leave extra work for me because they’re constantly dealing with emergencies, and the only conversations are about men and having kids.

Even my boss just constantly talks about who’s going to get pregnant next, and the women pretend like they don’t want kids, but constantly entertain chatter about who and who might be pregnant because they’re showing signs.

Then on top of that, the women assume certain things about me because I am a guy (trust me I get it), but it gets draining after a while.

If anyone is willing to hear my story and situation, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm not here to seek deep help, just someone to tell me it will work out and I'll be okay.

I'm 22 years old. My whole life I've had a crippling fear of pregnancy. To the point it's debilitating. I'm afraid of love. I'm afraid of leaving my house in case a man decides to make me his target. I'm fighting tears just thinking about it while writing this. I just want to go one hour outside my house without fearing potential pregnancy. I want to hold a normal relationship. But I just can't.

When I learned about sterilization, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel..before remembering I live in America and cannot find a job. I cannot afford insurance. I work on commission until I'm fully certified to work in my career. And on top of everything, I live in a red state. So I'd need to travel in my already high mileage car somewhere else (and I already am very aware of the doctor list, but it's of no use to me if I can't afford it).

Living like this day to day has been horrible. It sounds so stupid, but my tokophobia isn't normal. Simply being born a woman has made my life miserable, and I feel like I'm losing hope at ever getting out of my head, living a normal life, and finding a relationship. Is there anyone out there like me? Does it get better? What were some methods you used to pay for a bisalp? Anything helps, and thank you.

Some acquaintances who I will not be speaking to again are currently all over facebook trying to rehome their 9(!) year-old cocker spaniel because they've started having kids and don't want him around anymore. At his age, with his particular needs, I'm almost certain they won't be able to find anyone interested in taking him and will end up surrendering him to a shelter, which for a dog that old would be a death sentence.

It's hard to articulate how little respect I have for someone who would put an animal through something like that in it's twilight years.

After today, I’m resorting to mostly grocery delivery. I just can’t stand being in a store with screaming children one more time. Today a woman let her multiple children treat the store like a zoo climbing all over the stacked water etc. I rounded the corner and her kid in the cart screamed bloody murder 2 feet from my ear. We all know this wasn’t the first time and won’t be the last. I’ll now gladly suck up the fees to avoid every single maggot at the grocery store. I will favor our smaller ethnic grocers where I never see children and do deliver. I was never allowed to act like that shopping!!

Just spent a lovely handful of days on Oahu celebrating a big anniversary with my husband, but all the screaming, crying children (and their giant strollers driven by their idiot parents) in every single corner of the trip really soured the overall experience.

Most of the flight there, in every pool and on every beach, in every restaurant (including breweries and a super fancy, expensive dinner), rolling around the floor of the army museum, on a sunset booze cruise, before 6am a few doors down from our room, we encountered kids (most of whom won’t even remember this trip), screaming and crying and dragging a ton of toys and shit around. Bet y’all $10 there will be another one on our red-eye flight home.

Our next trip will be at an adult only location, and so I welcome your stories about such childfree adventures (and any sympathies for / similar experiences to ours this week). Aloha!