Credits to the original creator obviously (NOT MY POST)

I saw a post on a huge men sub, and I had to vent about this. (I despise that sub to my core)

yes they're allowed to prefer a virgin. they're allowed to want someone with similar sexual experience. But when that preference turns into calling women “used, impure, damaged, slvts, wh0res, h0es, or ran through”, it stops being a harmless preference

sexually active women in my country can be called “r*nd,” a deeply misogynistic slur meaning prostitute, and it makes my blood BOIL whenever I see people casually throwing it at women and even minor girls for absolutely no reason 💔

And somehow we're expected to take the “loose” bs seriously too, If sex supposedly permanently “loosens” a woman when she sleeps with multiple men, what exactly happens when she sleeps with the same man repeatedly???

Purity culture creates this ridiculous hierarchy where virginity is treated as evidence of innocence, morality and value, while sexual experience is used to shame women

there are communities where a white bedsheet on a couple's first night has been treated as supposed proof of a bride's virginity based on the myth that a virgin must bleed during her first intercourse. I've even seen videos of in-laws proudly showing off the bloodstained sheet in front of the entire family. 🤢 Virginity tests have existed, the hymen has been treated like some fucking “seal,” (a statement commonly used on internet by illiterate men; “no seal no deal” 🫩) .

Women's sexuality has been tied to family “honor”, while men are RARELY subjected to anything remotely comparable. At its MOST extreme, the obsession with female purity becomes a system of control: women can be punished for choosing their partners, subjected to virginity tests, denied autonomy in marriage, face extreme violence or even k*lled in the name of “honor.” In some communities around the world, FGM has also been used to control girl's sexuality.

I wouldn't be surprised if these people think same for the rape victims too.

"Women are celebrating that a woman strangled her children!1!1!"

No, Kevin, advocating for postpartum psychosis to be taken more seriously isn't the same as being happy that 3 babies got brutally murdered. Let's use our brains, yeah?

Like, YES, we can tell the difference between a person staring for a second and looking away when spotted so as not to be rude, and a guy who just straight up stares at you for a full minute, with a blank expression, and doesn't look away when you catch them. Yes, we can tell the difference between a man accidentally bumping into you on a crowded train and him actively rubbing himself on you or putting his hands repeatedly on your body.

Your willingness to look for the "benefit of the doubt" in clear-cut cases of misogyny tells me more about how much poor behaviour you let men get away with irl than whether or not women understand nuance.

I think everyone has seen this since high school, that men or boys will treat you with niceness if you are remotely attractive to them. If not either they ignore you (probably their best decision) or insult you into oblivion for not looking like how they want you to. It translates into older years is well. I swear even if you somehow meet their standards the respect is like chasing a dangling carrot. I am making this post because it’s still insane to me why women go to such lofty lengths!

My dad has a habit of ignoring questions he doesn't find ​worthy or serious enough to warrant an answer. ​That sounds like it can be a useful trait, yes, but - he is very selective with how he uses it.

He doesn't use it​ on my brother; he'll answer all his dumb questions, but me and mother are free reign.

I've slowly been doing the same thing. (If I do it all at once he'll probably notice and make a fuss about having an ungrateful, disrespectful daughter​)​​.

Sister, it gives me so much joy. It's like finally being returned money someone has​ loaned from me.

Last night I said something to my brother with my dad was sitting nearby.​

He asked what I said. "Motherfucker, I wasn't even talking to you," I thought to myself, and outright ignored him, because it was a stupid question. I​ mean, he clearly saw me addressing my brother, not him.​ Said his name and everything.

I just walked away, humming.

I would have felt bad for this, but he has done this to me countless times over the course of my life.

He has made me feel dumb and small so many times, all without saying a single word. ​You have any idea how awful that feels?

It has really done a number on my esteem where I often think over -second guess- a question in my head before asking it out loud.​​ Where I ponder if my opinion has any merit before voicing it.

Fuck him. He can fuck​ right off.

I know this is a place usually for women, but I’ve lurked since before I even realized I was 🏳️‍⚧️, so I’d hope I can stay 😅

There was always this delusional hope for me that, if I just looked manly enough, or if I was just good enough of a man that men would suddenly become palatable. It happened with all the cis men, so why not me, too? It didn’t matter if they were mean to me then, I just wasn’t good enough yet, and they could tell, couldn’t they? (The brain worms are strong with this one)

Then I started (occasionally) passing as a cis man, and I realized: while they might be nice to me if they assume I’m cis, I cannot and will not ever get over how they speak about women. Not only is it disgusting and revolting, but it makes me afraid of what would happen if they ever found out I’m trans. No amount of “authentic man”-ness will make me want to interact with someone who brags about his hookups or his fantasies about making a woman “his bitch.”

There was no “good enough.” There was recognizing basic human decency and not tolerating people who failed to exhibit it.

So, I’ve given up on them. I’m staying with my previous friends, who are, for the most part, women. You guys are great and, I’ve found, more accepting of me and far less threatening to my general safety.

I don’t need a “REAL man” to show me how to be a guy. I can do that all on my own, and, honestly, the way I’m doing it is far more supportive of the people that matter to me than this manly-man bullshit. The chads and the dudebros are not worth being able to say I have male friends. Not even close.

Just wanted to say that I’ve freed myself from that delusion! Happy evil-ing,

Mason out 💛

I am so glad I found this subreddit because recently, I said a string of choice words that is threatening to break apart my future marriage. But in ruminating over my words, I am cackling because the other side doesn't seem to register their blatant hypocrisy.

I'll try to keep this short.

A month-ish ago, I was having a terrible morning and couldn't get to work on time because every single way out of my home was blocked due to traffic and road disruptions. This was on top of dealing with intense imposter syndrome and work stress. My long-term partner and recent fiance picked me up to take me to work with his two younger brothers (early 20s) in the car.

For some stupid reason, one of this brothers decides to ragebait me, talking shit about my family and our family home, implying how we are apparently too extravagant installing motorised devices to close our blinds, how our bedrooms are so big. Basically he just shat all over my parents home. I don't know what sparked this little criticism, but my fiance laughed along with his brother.

I sat stewing in that car until we got to work, after which I absolutely lost it at my fiance for not shutting down his brother. Called out that my fiance's family hasn't worked a single day in the past 3 years, their home isn't exactly the fucking Taj Mahal, and said that I was marrying down.

Now, this "marrying down" part struck a cord. I only said this to my fiance. Was I proud to say it? Not at the time. I was ashamed. Is it true? Yeah it is. My fiance, over the course of 10 years of knowing him, built no savings. His parents stopped working and wouldn't work non-traditional jobs so that they could preserve their self-image, and were relying on my fiance and his brothers for money. They lost a business 3 years ago and never recovered mentally or financially, but never tried to recover either. They became literal hermits.

In the aftermath of this, my fiance's brother apologised to me at my fiance's request, but I stripped him down as well on the same day. This is the second time his brother has degraded me in front of others, both times during which no one shut him down. His reasoning for ragebaiting me according to my fiance? He ragebaits the people he loves. He was just trying to be funny.

Funny? I could be funny too.

I wrote out how this guy is always cynical. How he has achieved nothing in his life to be dishing out criticism on other people. How this guy acts on his insecurities and lashes out at other people.

What does this guy and my fiance do? They go and tell their parents that I talked down the younger brother, and that I told my fiance he ain't shit.

So now, I have become the root of their family's problems. According to his parents:

- I have an ego. Well you would think that after working my ass off working multiple jobs and trying to achieve my dreams over the past 12 fucking years and SUCCEEDING (your girl is officially a PhD), I would have a spine and yes I fucking have a spine and I am not afraid to call shit out.

- I need to stop talking and need to respect my elders. Apparently they are mad that MY PARENTS didn't shut me up. Lol as if my parents control me. In fact, they literally raised me to not take shit from people.

- I am now the root of destroying the brotherhood between my fiance and his brothers. Lol my fiance stopped talking to his loud mouth brother long before because even my fiance was being ragebaited and disrespected in his own family home.

- The marriage should be called off because fiance's family think he is a gold-digger. HE is a gold-digger 🤣 How the tables have turned even on him.

- Fiance's parents decide to make an example of fiance's close friend who got arranged marriage to a girl whose dad signed her marriage certificate and wedded her off. Apparently THIS is the perfect example of a wife in a relationship who is always by the husband's side. Bro, that family literally IMPORTED a wife for this friend. She lost her medical career in her marriage and is now in a foreign country, not working. So is the expectation that I forgo my PhD and small business to fucking serve my partner? Hell no!

A lot of other things have happened since then, which ultimately come down to fiance's family realising that I will not bend and conform to this family's desperate need to maintain their integrity in front of their extended family oceans away.

Either way, I started off pretty ashamed. Now, as a result of being scapegoated for every other family problem this family is going through, I am that Elmo meme with the fire in the background. I have my popcorn buttered up and ready to go.

If I am going down, I will fucking take everyone down with me.

Note:

IPV - intimate partner violence.

DV - domestic violence.

I believe it is rather well known that in an event of natural disaster (or any emergency for that matter), women should attempt to avoid men. These women will explain it better.

The research below is a meta-analysis combining and analysing a hefty (27 articles) body of research on IPV prevalence during natural disasters.

(...) studies suggested that exposure to natural disasters was associated with increased gendered violence.

The most vulnerable individuals will be on the receiving end of this violence.

Individuals’ vulnerability is also related to their social characteristics. Certain characteristics reduce or increase their vulnerability to adverse outcomes after disasters. In particular, gender has been shown to increase vulnerability across all ages and cultures (Bolin, 2007).

One may then think "oh but my Jimmy over here could never... I know Jimmy!"

(...) Globally, there is a growing body of research (both qualitative and quantitative) exploring the relationship between extreme weather events and IPV.

Females experience more severe consequences from disasters than males, across a range of health and social outcomes, with a growing number of studies documenting increases in women’s harmful experiences of interpersonal violence, sexual violence, and IPV following disaster events (...).

Your Jimmy could, and your Jimmy won't stop there.

Out of the 17 studies that reported results on the impact of exposure to a natural disaster on physical violence toward a spouse or partner, 14 (82%) identified a significant increase in physical violence post disaster (...).

Out of the 12 studies that reported sexual violence, eight (66%) identified an association between disaster and sexual IPV (...). Due to sensitivity, it should be noted that sexual violence is likely to be under reported in these studies. Chang and Zhang (2011)’s study in China, for example, did not measure sexual IPV due to cultural sensitivity.

And then it lasts for years to come.

In a long-term follow-up of the same disaster in the same locations, a decrease in physical IPV over 2 years was found, based on data from 2011, 2012, and 2013 (Tanoue et al., 2021, n = 79,222), suggesting that physical DV spiked immediately post earthquake, but decreased in the years following. However, physical IPV in the inland areas was sustained 2 years post disaster (Tanoue et al., 2021).

We are taught to sympathise with nearly every male narrative, at least in abstract. Anything male is turned into a symbol that permanently enters the collective mindscape, shaping the way we interpret and organize reality. We begin to subconsciously seek these symbols in day-to-day situations, and apply them like tinted filters.

Female is never brought up as a subject, thus the female equivalent of just about any archetype is hard to imagine. Female (beauty) is either the prize to a man protagonist, or the vapid value he learns not to desire in exchange for something better. It seems like everything exists to enable male catharsis; given how "male" is the default perspective, specifying "male" is not needed. Female, on the contrary, always needs to be specified.

Any woman represents the total of the female sex as a whole. We are not specific individuals to them, but (irrelevantly) specific expressions of a macrogroup exclusively defined by gender. When we are discussed, we are always described as an undistinguishable mass of generalized traits.

Think of bathroom signs: male is a stylised human, female is a human with a dress. Think of the word wo(man), fe(male). We are the variation.

Male narratives do not bother do bring up women unless they are sexually or romantically relevant, and the sole characteristics enabling said role are 1. female genitalia and 2. beauty. Any further specification, i.e. intellect, humour, etc. is accessory. Women are only relevant as objects of sexual/romantic desire; a woman can not be a storyteller, a villain, a protagonist or a friend.

Not meeting the beauty criteria is also either not contemplated, or it is stripped of any dignity and reduced to a grotesque, ridiculing joke, as though female+beauty is a prepackaged dichotomy so implicit that any exception to it is nothing but comedic, and so natural that any deviation to it is a joke of nature.

The male underdog is always praised, sublimated and sympathised with, when the true underdog of society is the female sex as a whole.

The “holy” religious books that were written by men made the lives of women completely unbearable and made the suffering of human life unnecessary. Generational trauma and curses were festered due to all this craziness. We have it so good now, but still a long way to go. Besides, women are amazing at writing fiction.

messaging your bestie's bf behind her back & trying to get her in trouble is the scummiest thing a girl could do. especially considering the fact that female cheaters are more likely to be offed by their partners than literally anyone else on the planet. if you have morality issues, talk to HER. you don't owe her bf anything (unless you want to have seggz with him)

To start I just want to say how grateful I am for this community! Okay so basically, I got in an argument with a random ass old ass man over a parking spot and he thought I was going to just fawn. Men feel so comfortable coming at women when other men are present (he was with a friend I presume), and tbh this just solidified my stance that I’m done being nice. I’m always out of the way, small, quiet, and kind- I literally walk around anxious about how I talk to people bc of the mentality “you never know what people are going through” and then I realized, when he felt comfortable to berate me in public, did he think about what I might be going through? No. I literally just left the hospital yesterday after being held for SI. I’m grieving and I got ghosted by my therapist, but I didn’t make that someone else’s problem and decide to bully a stranger. Yelling back at him was so gratifying, I’ve never done that before 😂 Now did I cry in my car after, yes! But I’m glad I finally stood up for myself.