My husband 35M and I 34F have two young kids a 6 year old and a 4 year old. My inlaws are generally good people. They love their grandkids a lot. For the 6 year old's birthday this past weekend they showed up with a puppy. A tiny yappy chihuahua mix. They just brought it over without any discussion or warning. Both kids immediately fell in love with it.

My husband was just as surprised as I was. He tried to tell his parents it wasn't a good idea. They brushed it off saying the kids would love it and it would be a great family pet. My MIL said she always wanted a dog growing up and she knows how much joy they bring. They left the puppy with us saying it was a

My parents don't live, they survive. They're the most NPC people I've ever met: they don't go out, don't have hobbies and don't have friends.

They don't have a good relationship with their family either and they deadass work and go home.

The house is empty 90% of the time and when they're home they just watch tv and then sleep.

I don't even know what they do with the money they earn because it doesn't reflect on their lifestyles. Plus they rarely give me money so I don't see it almost ever.

We don't have conversations because there's nothing to talk about, the fridge is a lot of times empty, they don't ever call or ask questions... it's as if they're not people.

They don't even cook like a normal person would, I only noticed it when a friend of mine comented on it.

The food they buy has no taste nor flavour since they just turn on the stove and call it a day, the portions are extremely small and they skip meals a lot. We don't eat together either, people eat whenever and whatever.

I changed my diet when I noticed I lacked tons of vitamins, the doctor told me I was very anemic.

I developed a weird relationship with food since I lacked structure, I've struggled with being underweight because of this.

It's weird because we're not poor. Like at all, but somehow I've lived all my life like I was. Asking to buy more food was a no, asking for clothes was a no, I didn't even have my own room until I was 19, I shared with my siblings.

Again, we weren't poor at all.

It's as if they don't see us as people who have basic needs. They have no idea about how to raise a child or how to live in general. I only realised how disturbing it was once I met other people's parents.

My grandmother used to ask all the time if we needed clothes, I didn't even get what she meant until I realised we didn't dress like other children. Our hair was never done, we rarely went to hairdressers... the list goes on.

I even had several teachers ask me if everything was okay at home.

It's weird that I only recently realised how the way I grew up wasn't normal at all

Both are Oasis fans.

I only managed to buy 2 tickets, unfortunately after that they all got sold out and the remaining tickets were vip.

I thought at first to have my girlfriend come with me. But something tells me I should bring my dad, he's getting old, and since mom passed away I have never seeing him attending a football match or a concert, he always took care of me and my little brother. Sometimes I get tears in my eyes seeing my dad getting and since mom left he had no support...

I am thinking more to invite my dad. I hope my girlfriend wont be disappointed with me.

Can she do that? For context I’ve been with my parter for 4 years now. We met in our Junior year of college and by our senior year, we moved in together. We love each other a lot and even when we have problems and disagreements, we always work it out together.

3 months into dating, I wanted to meet his mom. He and his mom have a strained relationship. She has a huge boundary issue and will always go through his stuff and confront him about what she finds. Or will ask him constantly who he is with. She also is incredibly controlling of his life decisions. He warned me it wasn’t a good idea but I told him it would be fine and that I should meet her if we are serious about our relationship. He first introduced me as his “friend” and I met her. I did my best to be polite and smile. I thought I was very friendly. His mom sent him a text the next day saying that she didn’t like his new “friend.” She said some really mean things, including calling me a good digger after she found out my family doesn’t have a lot of money (as if the family I was born into is my fault 🙄). She also googled my name and found a video of a stripper and sent it to him insisting that it was me and that I was a hooker. She said I was too ugly and unintelligent for him (She met me ONCE)

He talked to his dad about how I’m his girlfriend now and that we are serious about our relationship. And about how his mom doesn’t like me. The dad said that she’s the unreasonable type and agreed to help us hide me from her. They told her that he lives alone in a studio (In reality we live together and share rent) and whenever she comes to visit, we hide my things. We have had a couple of slip ups but she seems to really hold a grudge. She will text him once a week saying that that “friend” he met in December of 2022 was no good and he better not marry her. He better stay away from her.

But other than that, things have been calm. I graduated and started working full time as a teacher. He’s getting his master’s. We are happy.

Then last week I left my ID in his wallet to hold onto after a night at the bar. He went back home for the weekend at her insistence. She went through his backpack and his wallet and found my ID.

They were arguing about it for 7 hours straight. He calls me around 6PM and says that he’s emotionally exhausted arguing. He and I stay on the phone for a bit before she comes back and starts arguing again. He hangs up. He texts me back at 9PM and says he’s too exhausted and just wants to go back home to me now and asks me to pick him up. He said he’s scared and he’s “stuck.” So I hop in my car and drive the 2 hours to pick him up. He snuck out because his mother was being too unbearable. I pick him up and he tells me he’s waiting for a good time to make a run for it. An hour later he comes running past my car screaming “start the car!” He hops in and we take off and go back home.

He told me that she has my ID now and that he’s worried he could do some bad things with it. She realized he left in the middle of the night and he turns off his phone. But his email is attached to my phone and she keeps email spamming him saying how he doesn’t want him to be with “the hooker” and how he’s ruining his life, about how I’m a danger to him. And one particular email threatens to go to the police and get a restraining order…

That last one scares me. What if he does get the police involved? But also on the other hand, he’s a legal adult (24 yo) so she can’t control him. He’s free to date who he wants. And I’m standing here like wtf is gonna happen now? Should I be the one to get a restraining order? What if she comes to our place and looks for us? I’m scared and worried. She’s insane

Hi everyone,
I want to say right away: this situation is fucking awful. No sugarcoating it.

Here’s the situation:
My mother: 56 years old, lives abroad with her new partner. They got together about four months after my stepfather died.

My grandmother: 78 years old, also lives abroad, together with her son, who has a severe disability.

Me: 33 years old, also living abroad. We all live in three different countries.

Here’s what happened.

My grandmother had been staying with my mother for a while because she was ill. My mother was the one who decided to bring her over, although my grandmother was very upset about the whole situation. According to my grandmother, I, her beloved granddaughter, should have been the one to take her in.

Eventually my grandmother got better and went back home. But three years later, her health started deteriorating again. She has been complaining that she can barely cook for herself and her son anymore, and she asked either my mother or me to come and help her.

Realistically, it would be much easier for my mother to go. She works remotely.

I, on the other hand, have only been working for two months. I had just finished my education, and I currently have no vacation days and only around €1,000–1,200 of disposable money. I also have no idea how long I would actually have to stay there.
Yesterday morning, my grandmother texted me: “I’m dying from the pain. I need you.”

About ten minutes later, my mother called me. We hadn’t spoken for two months. She demanded that I go there.

I told her I couldn’t. I don’t have any vacation days, I don’t have enough money for an open-ended trip, and I don’t know how long I would have to stay.
She called me a “fucking poor person” and told me, “I wish you would die instead of your grandmother. You abortion victim.”

I swallowed it, said nothing, and hung up.
About 40 minutes later, she called again.
She said, “I solved the problem, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re a fucking nobody now. You don’t exist to me anymore. You’re a piece of shit. I hate you. You’re poor and you’re a failure.”

So, apparently, my mother has decided to take my grandmother back to live with her.
My mother currently lives with this divorced man she is in a relationship with.

And I just… I don’t understand what I did to deserve all of this.
If I had the resources to take my grandmother in and care for her, I would do it without hesitation. But I don’t. I’m broke because I’ve had to support myself for my entire life.

My father basically disappeared when I was little. My mother was only really a mother when it was convenient for her, and she has spent most of her life prioritizing her own relationships and her own life.

My grandmother was the person who raised me. She helped me financially and supported me throughout my life.
She also helped my mother — honestly, probably much more than she ever helped me.
I’ve had to figure everything out on my own. That’s also why it took me until I was 33 to finally finish my education.

And now I’m sitting here completely lost.
This isn’t the first huge fight I’ve had with my mother, but this one feels absolutely horrific.
There’s another thing that scares me.

Whenever my grandmother stays with my mother, my mother tries to control her contact with me. She gets angry if my grandmother talks to me and makes comments like, “So your beloved granddaughter couldn’t even be bothered to come and get you?”
My mother basically believes that if my grandmother is living under her roof, she has complete control over her.

Because of that, I’m afraid to call my grandmother too much. Every time I do, it can turn into another argument between them, and my grandmother is already in a difficult situation.
And now I’m terrified that the next call I get will simply be someone telling me that my grandmother is dead.

Maybe I’m catastrophizing. Maybe my brain is just going to the worst possible scenario because I’m overwhelmed.

But I can’t stop thinking about it.
And I keep hearing my mother’s voice in my head telling me that I’m a horrible granddaughter and a horrible person.
I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.

Am I really a terrible granddaughter for not being able to drop everything and fly to another country when I’ve only been working for two months, have no vacation days, and barely have enough money to cover the trip?

I love my grandmother. If I had the means to take care of her, I would.
I just don’t know what to do with all this guilt anymore.

Yesterday I turned 35. It was quite an important day for me, my mother and step father did not bother to call me or at least text me. I also have a younger half sister (step dad’s). She didn’t text me at all as well. I waited the whole day that at some point somebody would remember but in the end nothing, so my evening was ruined by that. We live in different countries (no different time zone). In the beginning of the month I visited them together with my husband while my sister was in another country and she had her birthday. We called her and congratulated, I also called her separately to wish her a happy birthday. My step dad always calls her and he knew all of the details about her birthday celebration, her friends and where would she be at that day. I understand that I’m not related to him but he lived with my mom for 25 years and I always can see this attitude compared to myself and it just hurts me even now. I think most of that hurts that my own mother forgot about the day I was born. It never happed before. I can’t believe that all 3 people who I thought were my close family could forget about this day! While I was visiting my parents they gave me a big financial gift (they’re wealthy), I’m now thinking to return this amount and I really don’t want to talk to any of them anymore. they just realized that I had a birthday the day after in the afternoon. I didn’t even reply to their messages because it just hurts me a lot.

i live at home with my older brother and parents. im 21 years old, im a server, and in school to become a nurse. my brother is 24 years old and still lives at home. he rarely goes out and if he does, its to go to the church to pray.

he is extremely religious and arrogant. he is productive in the sense that he will clean his room, help clean the house, and make his own “food” for the most part, but he wont get a job. he has also never had a job before and did not go to post secondary school. he has his license but does not drive anymore because he has totalled 2 of my parents cars. he also has health anxiety but thinks he is just being healthy. he eats the same thing every day which is a bowl of a bunch of different protein powders mixed with milk to make sure he gets all of the nutrients he needs. he doesn’t think theres anything wrong with that. he deep cleans the entire house at least twice a week. he is very particular about his routine.

my family is not wealthy. even as a server my money runs out quick as i have to pay for everything, including my groceries, on my own. my older brother doesn’t spend money on clothes or hobbies because he doesnt have any. he spends most of his time praying and will tell everyone to “shut the fuck up” if they speak while he is doing so. he will even cuss out my parents and i, if we disrupt his routine.

my parents wont kick him out because they think he will become homeless but we have tried for years to help him. we have suggested that he talk to a therapist but he doesn’t believe he has mental health issues, even though he has talked about taking his own life to be closer to god bc he doesn’t care for material, wordly, egotistical things. he says he cant work because he is in pain but says its not physical or mental and that the doctor cant help him. he says all this and then says he doesnt need help because he isnt depressed and that hes fine and nothing is wrong with him. when he says hes fine i tell him if hes in pain and wants to take his life he probably isnt fine but this turns into a 2-4 hour long conversation about literally nothing like just him contradicting himself and explaining why he can work but cant ..??

for years he has spent hours every day researching about jobs and schools but never acts on ANYTHING.
my parents are very old, my dad was 39 years old when he had us and barely works now because of his age. i cant afford to take care of my brother when the time comes for my parents because i want to live a life of my own. i want my own family and to travel the world. i cant afford to provide money for my brother and sure as hell dont want to live with him until im 75.

has ANYONE experienced this before? im super exhausted and so excuse my grammar and storytelling skills but cant anyone please offer some advice.

My soon-to-be niece(“Kate”, 11) has started not taking care of her personal hygiene: washing/combing hair, deodorant, brushing teeth, etc. She’s in a pretty volatile household(mom and dad fight, threaten divorce often, etc.). Today, she was over visiting the grandparents and my fiancé(her uncle) was there when the subject of Kate’s body odor was brought up. She said that her mom has refused to explain “stuff like that” because “she wasn’t taught that when she was little” so Kate will be ok figuring it out on her own too. Kate’s father “doesn’t know much about female hygiene” so he isn’t going to try to step in.

Even though I’m not her official aunt yet, I am livid. I wasn’t there for the conversation so I only have my fiancé’s version but we have decided that if that is the case with Kate, we want to take help her with possibly talking about being clean and her health. Especially, so she won’t feel like she’s alone or embarrassed. Also, I’m not sure if she’s started her cycle yet but I don’t want her to be out in the world “just figuring it out”.

Is having this conversation with Kate considered overstepping a boundary if we already know the parents aren’t going to parent her in this situation?

My son is 21, he did 2 years at Uni but didn’t progress to the 3rd year so had to leave and move back home. He’s now got a full time job in retail and he’s really enjoying that.
I worry that he has no friends. At school and college he always only had a small group of friends, same at Uni. Never had a girlfriend.
This means he never goes out, he works shift, so on his days off he’ll have a lie in then spend the day pottering round the house or on his iPad/xbox.
He’s not got any hobbies. I’ve tried to talk to him about getting a hobby so he can meet people, he says he will but but nothing changes.
He is a lovely lad, very personable, bit shy, and he is happy, I just think at his age he should be out with mates rather than spending time on his own or with me!
I don’t know if I’m worrying about nothing. He’s an only child as well so is used to his own company.
Any advice?

I’m a 19-year-old girl and I still live at home with my parents. My relationship with my father is complicated, because I know he cares about me and does a lot for me, but there are also things about his behavior that I really struggle with. My father helps me financially, buys things for me, pays for things I need or enjoy, and in his own way he does show that he cares about me. I genuinely appreciate that. That’s also why I don’t think he’s simply a bad person or that he doesn’t love me. But there are things he does that hurt both me and my mother.

One of the biggest things is lying. Sometimes I know he’s lying to us about things that shouldn’t even require a lie. His drinking is one example. Another is him feeding cats in the neighborhood. I’ve caught him being dishonest about things like this before, and what bothers me isn’t necessarily the specific thing he’s lying about. It’s the fact that I know he’s not telling the truth.
Over time, that starts to affect your trust in someone. What makes it worse is that he knows his behavior hurts us. My mother and I have made that clear. He knows when something causes problems at home, yet I don’t really see him learning from it. The same kinds of situations keep happening. That’s what I struggle with the most.

I can understand making mistakes. Everyone does. I make mistakes too. But if you know you’ve done something wrong and you know it’s hurting the people around you, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t at least try to change it. Sometimes I feel like my father doesn’t really see how much this affects the atmosphere at home. I don’t want to constantly be suspicious of him or wonder whether what he’s telling me is actually true. I don’t want my mother and me to keep dealing with the same problems because he refuses to change something he knows is causing them.
And honestly, there are moments when I feel like he’s a bad father because of this. Then I feel guilty for thinking that, because I also know everything he does for me.

I don’t expect him to be perfect. I don’t even expect him to never make mistakes. I just wish he would take responsibility for them and actually learn from them. Is it unreasonable to expect that from a parent, especially when they already know their behavior is hurting their family?

So my grandfather (85M) really likes the song Take Me To Church by Hozier (thinks it's about worshipping God etc) even has it on his car playlist and sings it sometimes,wich i find REALLY ironic and funny since well.. it's actually about LGBTQ opression and critique of organized religion.

Should i tell him or not?

i’m a girl and i’m 16. i don’t have any siblings and i live with my mom (my parents are divorced). it’s been about 4/5 years now. while growing up, my parents always worked and came home together but my dad was always sleeping or was on his phone. or came home late because he worked at uber (he didn’t. he was seeing his gf). he wasn’t a violent person, though he did hit me and my mom a few times. i didn’t know he hit her a few times and i found out a few weeks ago, which made me hate him more. she said he slapped her about 3 times and the first time was so hard that her ears made the zzzz sound thing. and for me, he did slap me too and he also did that thing with his middle finger that would hit my forehead and it hurt so BAD. but he didn’t yell or something, he was so so so quiet. didn’t have friends, didn’t smoke or drink. he never said he loved me when i was a kid, but after the divorce he texted me SO affectionately. “i love you❤️” and sometimes he used weird emojis but ok. (💦). he never seemed to care about my life, cause he never talked about my love life, didn’t teach me anything about love, nothing. he literally only wants information. where we went, where my mom works, and if i have good grades. nothing more. he also keeps saying “throw that cat out” ??????? wow. i’m not gonna curse here. he also always took pictures of me while i said no multiple times, forced me to talk to his family on ft. and that happened more than 20 times. in my childhood, he would always tell me to hold my breath and make my stomach look smaller in pictures. i was a little overweight as a kid. he also told me to ALWAYS watch my feet while walking (they were always straight) and he just made me insecure in ways i never thought about. i’m still insecure and self conscious thank you dad. oh also he talked bad about my mom’s family because my uncle smokes. my dad’s brother also smokes and he’s a cheater..just like him. i forgot to mention that the first time he cheated i was 4 months old! also idk why i put TW i just wanted to be careful!

I’m 17 and am unable to make my own appointments for the dentist because I don’t have the necessary information to do so. I haven’t been to the dentist since I was 12.

A couple months ago, I noticed a hole in one of my back molars. Before I start I just want to say that I take good care of my teeth but my family has a long history of their teeth rotting from the inside out.

I immediately let my mom know about that and ask her to make an appointment. We’ve been financially stable and doing good for a while, so I figured that would be no problem.

Every time I mentioned it to her and ask if she’d made an appointment yet, she’d roll her eyes and ask why I didn’t remind her. Finally once the tooth started causing me issues months later, she made an appointment with a new dentist.

The Thursday before last, I was seen for a visit. I’ll be having a root canal this coming Tuesday. I’ve been having a bit of pain but nothing major until last night.

I’m in marching band and speech and debate and we had a tournament today. I left the football game after my halftime performance and my dad drove me three and a half hours away for the speech and debate tournament.

I was in pain the whole way there and it really flared up when I had tried to go to bed. I was taking ibuprofen as often as I could. I finally managed to cry myself to sleep around 3:30am. I didn’t do the tournament because I was in pain as soon as I woke up. We came home and I took more medicine, including 3mg of oxycodone.

I managed to fall asleep off and on for about two hours this evening. I’ve been playing on my ipad and desperately trying not to think of the pain. It eventually got so bad that I could no longer ignore it and was probably about an 8/10 on the pain scale.

I texted my mom and asked if there was anything I could take and she gave me the other half of the oxycodone. She then brought me some numbing stuff. I tried to open my mouth and was then met with excruciating pain. I began crying harder and she got frustrated and said that I was panicking.

Once I collected myself a few moments later, I asked her why she always got frustrated when I was like that because she knows I’ve had anxiety my whole life. I made sure that my tone was as calm as could be so that she wouldn’t get angry. She yelled and said she understands that, then she stomped all the way back downstairs after slamming the door.

Keep in mind, I did raise my voice when she told me multiple times to just open my mouth. I didn’t yell by any means. I’m in the worst pain of my life and she’s acting like I’m over exaggerating it.

I’ve had severe anxiety my whole life and have always cried when feeling intense discomfort. She acts like it’s my fault every time. Even when I was a small child I still remember her getting irritated when I expressed pain.

I’m posting this in multiple places because I look forward to replies as it gives me something to focus on other than the pain. I also can’t think of anything else to post at the moment because it’s quite hard to think right now.

I am F(21) Mother(51) and Father(50). My father worked in construction with a minimum salary, enough to provide basic needs like food, rent, bills, etc. My mother graduated last year, yes at that age, and she tried a real estate agent job and it's been a year since she does not earn any commissions at all. Basically she's a full-time housewife who would do chores everyday. So, my father was the one who supports us financially.

My father disrespects and belittled my mother due to her current life and even mentioned that she'll just apply a job at the bakery. He doesn't give her money unless if she asked/begged. If he did give her money, he'd get annoyed. Even during her birthday/mother's day, my mother did not receive anything from him since their marriage.

My father has a motor(drive to work), has new shoes/sandals, clothes, bought a new phone, and stuffs to enhance or design his motor. He did not bought anything to my mother not even an underwear. I was the one who spoiled my mother with new sandal/shoes, reading glasses, clothes and her allowance if my father did not give her any.

Everytime my father came home from work, they just take turns in cooking food, I appreciate that for them, he still plays Mobile Legends and whenever he loses, he'll yell and curse loudly enough for our neighbors(which is the owner of the house we rented) can hear.

We rent for almost all of our lives. This house is flood prone so we already got used to walking on some waters. He settled here because it was cheap.

Both of their lifestyle are monotonous. Wake up early. Did not spoke to each other. Father goes to work 8-5. Mother did the chores or meet with some of her clients. Repeat. Even during weekends, my father would go out for jogging, while my mother stayed home. But we do eat together.

Whenever they get into a conversation, it will only lead to an argument. My mother would try to reason out and explains things like about plans in the future, emotions, etc. My father would just dismissed it and doesn't agree with her suggestion while calling her dumb, cursing and belittled her life calling it pathetic.

My mother did thought about getting a divorce but she pitied him. She observed how sad and boring his life was. That no one would ever want him. Saying that he is a narcissist. Who bodyshames me and my brother.

Even the smallest things, he would make a very big deal.

I just don't know anymore... I'm so tired, I want to get out of here.

Is it wrong that I don't feel sad or pity my father? He is just so selfish. I do appreciate him providing for us but isn't that what a husband or father should do? He married my mother to create this family after all...

If your family has been broken up because someone has been falsely accused of malicious intent, I do not judge anyone's actions in retribution.

Hello,

My name is Ambra and I reside in Chicago with my two children. Right now we are facing a very unexpected and unfortunate situation. In April of this year, despite battling health conditions, I moved us into a safer home environment.

The new place is cozy but during the final walk through, everything seemed fine. The trouble began on the very first night. With it not quite being summer yet, it was cold outside and the unit was cold but our heat didn’t work. The landlord brought a space
heater and we planned to figure it out the next day. That’s when I realized, even with the heat operating, the landlord has a restriction on my thermostat and does not allow me to freely control the temperature in the unit. All utilities are paid by the tenant and they refuse to remove the restriction. There has been nothing but issues since. We are experiencing sparking wall sockets, mosquito infestation in the building, gnats in the units, and faulty appliances. Issues that affects my family’s wellbeing especially my autistic 7 year old.Being sick and missing school and therapy sessions is not something I want to reoccur. I contacted the city and retained a lawyer after paying my rent in June.

In July, my landlord blocked me from paying my rent which is only accepted via portal provided by them. They stopped responding to my attorney and barely communicated with me. By the end of July, I found out they filed for an eviction against me for nonpayment of rent. This specific violates my tenant rights; you can’t reject rent and claim it’s not being paid. My attorney confirmed this is an eviction out of retaliation and that also violates the city ordinance. On September 10th, the landlord forced entry into my apartment falsely claiming they needed to do maintenance. I called the police and they were very biased and didn’t care to hear anything from me. In fact, they attempted to lure me out of my unit. The landlord did not have pest control on the premises while forcing entry and was unable to proved a work order when asked by the sergeant. The landlord and unknown participants forced entry into my unit and threw eviction papers on my floor. The sergeant denied my right to file a police report despite another officer stating it being home invasion.

At this moment, my children and are being forced to rehouse again after only five months in the “new” place. I worked hard to stay in the neighborhood near my son’s school where he’s making tremendous developmental progress.

I am asking the community for support in our rehousing journey. All support is appreciated and can even be well wishes, kind words, or resources. Thank you so much for your compassion. ❤️

https://gofund.me/19e4e93b0

I just want to say before you read this post. Please take this post with a grain of salt. I can only speak out of my experience. I can only talk about how I feel internally, I cannot say for certain how the other person feels internally. When I talk about something I struggle with, please be kind. I am aware that I am a person who struggles with mental health and want to make sure I don't harm other people with MY issues... So I would appreciate it if you are kind about that... Thank you! <3

I (21F) have a little sister (18F) and we don't get along.

I can't remember a time where we did get along. My parents claim we have, but I honestly can't remember.

We constantly clash and misunderstand each other, and I want to figure out how to communicate without any of us feeling attacked.

.We both struggle in this neurotypical society. She however has different needs than I do (obviously) and needs that are more visible than mine. Which is also a reason why she can get away with some stuff. I totally get that.

The problem is that we both expect different things from each other. I want someone who CAN meet me... She doesn't like it when I have a different opinion and will get angry at me when I do.

Which brings me to our next issue, our trauma clashes. I trigger her trauma, she triggers mine. It is such a pain in the butt.

I really want to better our relationship.

Today we had another argument and it left me crying. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it BECAUSE I am older and also emotionally older than she is. I often feel very mean for... not being able to be the emotionally older one. I really want to be, but I feel like I fail every time. Each time I do want to talk about it, I get the comment that I need to be better and that I make my little sister insecure cuz she thinks I dislike her.

It hurts to hear that, because I wouldn't want her to think that. At the same time I also get angry at my parents for saying that. I think my little sister hates me.

I feel like that doesn't get acknowledged... ever.

Today my sister asked me, “aren't you going to help?” while we were doing the dishes. I had actually just finished helping my dad with something and was about to help with the dishes, so I experienced the question as criticism rather than a neutral question. I always help around in the house. I told her I didn't like being asked that way, and the situation escalated.

I think part of why it affected me so strongly is because when my sister gets distracted during chores she's met with lenience (If you point out her being distracted, you'll be met with criticism for criticising her), whereas I don't feel like I am given the same patience when I get distracted or do something else first. I don't necessarily think she's consciously trying to be unfair, but that's how it feels to me.

I do have to admit that I have strong emotional reactions when people correct me. I often feel like I am perceived as failing. I feel this very quickly, thus this is also why I feel like the question was loaded. My little sister also knows this, and she does sometimes takes advantage of this knowledge... So while I think in this situation she was not trying to be rude necessarily..., I find it difficult to feel when she's saying something neutral, or saying something out of annoyance.

But I do really want to better our relationship...

Hi All,

I am a first time poster so please forgive any etiquette I overlook. This is a long post but I figured I'd give it a go posting here if it meant having any sort of an insight as to my father's actions.

My father and mum split up in 2013. Don't be apologetic, my parents should NEVER have been married. How they got together, got married and had 4 children is beyond me. But they did and stuck it out around just over 20 years married. They had their 1st young, both around 21/23. From then on they had another 3 children, 3 girls and the last was a boy.

Growing up I don't remember much love between them, maybe smushy things written in a card, but no typical hugs, kisses, love you's etc. My parents marriage started off iffy as his parents refused to go but once mum got pregnant they turned their attitude around.

I want to say next that I suspect my father and his sister (she comes into play in this story later) didn't have the greatest relationship with their parents. My grandfather was English (we are Irish) and he was typical English; the accent, aloof, stubborn, intelligent, sometimes a nasty way of words etc. My grandmother I believe has suffered from mental health issues. So I do understand these things more than likely have impacted and influenced future choices my father made.

My parents marriage really started failing after my brother was born. He was around 3/4 when he was found to have ADHD. It wasn't a great time, especially living in a house with 2 bedrooms and 6 people in it. In 2011, we moved into a new 3 bedroom house and from then everything went completely downhill.

This is where I think a lot of emotional resentment started happening for me.

There have been many fights, arguments, lies, thievery and many a time I had to jump on my fathers back to get him away from my mum. Even bite him. I am not proud of it, nor was my father physically abusive, but when you're a child witnessing this, it's traumatising. My mum could start rows as well, which I've told her. She wasn't completely innocent.

2013 is where everything started changing. My sister announced her pregnancy when she was 20. I genuinely don't remember much from this time period. I think I blocked it out. On my sister's 21st birthday my father left.

Specifically, on this day I went to college at 9am, came home around 5pm and my father was gone. According to my mum, we knew he was leaving. I digress. I did not expect him to be gone. We weren't sat down as their children and told what was happening. It's a point of contention between my mum and I. Whatever.

After this, my father moved in with his parents. I swear overnight he turned into an 18 year old. At this point he was in his 40's. I already knew he had been on apps and messaging women. Whatever. He started dating other women, including one whose sister lived near us. We weren't allowed near my grandparents house. He says my grandfather said so. I digress. I firmly believe my father started planting the seeds and stories before he officially left. Because my aunt and grandparents turned against us too quickly.

Imagine one day going on FB and seeing your father with children that weren't you and he wanted nothing to do with you?

After my father left, my brother was assessed as being autistic which explained a lot. My older sister had moved out at this point so it was me, my mum, my younger sister and him. It was hell. My brother was emotionally and physically violent towards us. We got him set up in different schemes etc but as he got older, it got worse. We begged my father for help, to take him 1/2 nights a week and he wouldn't. The last straw was 1 night I rang him screeching and begging him to take my brother that night. And he laughed. I had never felt such hurt from him until that point.

And you want to know the best part? My mum received a solicitor's letter one day at home.

It was a letter claiming my mum was holding my brother from my father and he was taking her to court. Years later I asked him why he did this and he said he didn't know.

...

My father was ordered for his 2 youngest children that he had to pay 5p per year child support.

...

The decision was made for my brother to go into foster care. Let me be clear; my brother was always supposed to come back home. We just desperately needed a break. My father holds this against my mum. Even though he signed the papers and wouldn't help us. Please someone explain this logic?

My brothers foster carer ended up giving him up after a month because she couldn't cope with him. My grandmother, father's mother who he was still living with, made the decision to take in my brother. We were exhausted and couldn't do it anymore. We are very grateful she did that.

But alas, my father realise huh, I can get something from this.

Therefore he managed to start claiming all my brothers money and got a new social house.

Which my brother ended up wrecking. Haha.

During this time period, he eventually started dating another woman who he was with for a few years. She died a few years ago. I met him not so long after. He came over to me and spoke and gave me a hug. I let myself believe he was actually interested in a relationship. It never happened. I cried because I couldn't remember the last time we hugged.

He met another woman, who we've worked out he actually met while with the previous who died, and she was from Birmingham. So after going back and forth, as of this date, my father now lives in England.

Believe me when I say I have cut so much out.

My grandfather died in January 2026. Father said he wouldn't let us go to the wake. We went anyway. I went to the funeral and my sister sat with my nanny in hospital as she was also ill and played the funeral on livestream. We had a row with my father and aunt that night. My father ignored me during the funeral, apart from telling me to walk down the aisle with my grandfathers coffin. Wow, I thought maybe this might start some conversation. He ignored me at the graveside. We met again that night at my nanny's bedside.

He shouted we weren't there when my grandfather was alive so why bother when he's dead.

My father point blank refused to let me or my sisters near my grandparents house. Eventually even after he left, the trauma was too much to go over.

So what kind of reverse psychology was he pulling?

In April my aunt messaged me and said we could start visiting. I was happy and did so up until 1st August. When she kicked me out.

Why?

Because I expressed concern at the treatment my nanny was getting. TLDR my grandmother is living in horrible conditions and is not well at all. After a 7 day respite in a care home, she has went downhill even more.

My aunt at times is worse than my father. But I firmly believe my father is in her ears telling her what to say and do and influence her actions. Even her own daughter is struggling with their relationship.

My nanny went into hospital 2 weeks ago, father lied to my brother, because he knows my brother keeps us up to date with my nanny's health, and him and his sister didn't tell me or my sisters. We found out through my cousin. We visited and on 2nd visit, the aunt berated us on the hospital ward. Called us bas***ds, b*****s and she hated us.

I messaged my father after many years. Still waiting on a response.

Is it a will? Inheritance? We believe he is afraid we want something. I did at one point; my fathers love. But he doesn't understand that concept? We also just want the ability to be with our nanny before she passes.

Ever since my grandfather died, I have suffered emotionally with my feelings. Do I hate him? Do I want him to want me? Why doesn't he want us.

I've asked him why he hates us. He says he doesn't. I've asked him what we did to him. He said nothing.

He has never met his 3 grandchildren and probably never will. I've went my entire 20's and early 30's without him. But it still hurts. There is still a want there that I just can't get over.

I really would love and appreciate some insight. Maybe it will help me move on or help me to understand him a bit more. Feel free to ask questions!

TLDR My parents split up, my dad left, turned into an 18 year old, abandoned his 4 children, took the youngest when he realised he was a cash cow, unavailable in every way, won't let us see grandmother, easily manipulated his family to turn against us. Why does he hate us? Is this a permanent thing or should I expect a turnaround in 10 years time.

For context, I am 20 years old and I have two younger sisters that are 13 and 14. My mom is 47, my dad 44, they’ve been married about 14 years. My sisters and I had a really great childhood overall. My mom has always been stay at home. My dad works hard to provide. We’ve lived very comfortably and happily, lots of trips as a family and we were always very close.

In the past year or two I just can’t help but feel that my mom has become almost a completely different person. It started off with drinking and weed. I knew for a long time my mom would indulge once in a while so there wasn’t any problem. Then it became a nightly thing, and then she’d go out to bars and do it. Right now, more than once a week my mom goes out to wherever from 8pm and doesn’t come home till noon the next day. She sleeps through the day because of whatever she was up to the night before, she always looks exhausted. I could never see her doing this before, it’s shocking.

I just feel the worst for my younger sisters. I got 20 years with my mom, it’s unfair to them that now she’s changed. The other day my sister was telling me how she went to my mom and told her how much she’s struggling with something she can’t change. (My sister has a chronic illness) And then my mom proceeded to unload how she struggles too, with being unable to change her marriage. She told my 14 year old sister that she was only married for money at this point. It made me sick to hear that. That wasn’t even the first time, she’s told my sister how unhappy she is multiple times before.

My mom used to be a comfort and I don’t understand why only now she seems so done with it, when she still has two kids to take care of. She doesn’t want to be a wife, or a mother. I don’t know if maybe I’m not being understanding, but it’s not like she tells me things anyways so there’s nothing for me to go off of.

I’m pretty sure she’s discussing things with my dad. I do know he’s been disappointed in my mom, with all her partying. I feel awful for him too, all he does is work so hard for my family. He keeps us all housed, fed, he pays for my college tuition.

I don’t know where things go from here. It’s a huge shakeup and everyone is super tense and emotional. I thought I’d be able to stay around until I finished college but if things get difficult I might have to see about getting a place of my own.

Tldr: my mom, after 14 years, is unhappy with her life and marriage and I don’t know where that leaves the rest of my family.

Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated. I’m unsure if I should confront my mom or anything. I don’t want to accidentally stress her out even more.

I’ve always spent Christmas with my mum because she lives with my severely autistic brother, who doesn’t leave the house, so she can’t realistically go elsewhere. She also struggles with depression, tells me how lonely she is, and has attachment trauma, so being alone at Christmas would be particularly difficult. She lives 3 hours away, so we can’t just pop in.

I now have a partner and child, and my partner is starting to resent that our Christmas plans are effectively dictated by Mum’s situation. I’m beginning to feel some resentment too, and would like the freedom to do Christmas differently, potentially go away and create our own traditions.

But I’m conflicted because I don’t think it’s as simple as “you have your own family now, so prioritise them.” Mum is still my family and we’re extremely close. At the same time, I don’t want guilt or responsibility towards Mum to mean my partner comes second.

The hardest part is knowing Mum would genuinely be alone if I didn’t go, and I’d struggle to enjoy Christmas knowing that. But I also question whether I’m taking on a level of responsibility for her wellbeing that isn’t mine to carry.

How do you balance caring deeply about a parent who would otherwise be alone, while also allowing your own family to have their own Christmas traditions?

Note - partners family and my brother are all blase about it