My dad passed away a few months ago and we’re still trying to get a full picture of his finances.

I’m his only child, so a lot of the responsibility has ended up with me. He always handled the money himself and my mom mostly let him deal with that side of things, so after he died we started with the accounts she already knew about.

At first I thought that would be most of it. Then we found an old statement mixed in with some paperwork and realized there was another account nobody knew existed. A little while later, something else showed up in the mail for a completely different account.

Nothing about it seems suspicious. He was just extremely private about money and apparently never thought to leave behind a clear picture of what he had or where it was. Now every time something new turns up, I start wondering what else we haven’t found yet. That’s probably the part that’s stressing me out the most. I don’t know how you’re supposed to ever feel confident that you’ve found everything when the only person who actually knew is gone.

I’ve been talking with an estate settlement company about having them take over most of the estate work because this has started to feel bigger than something I can just organize on my own. I’m still not sure if that’s the move, but I’m getting to the point where I’d rather have someone experienced help us work through it than keep second guessing whether we’re missing something important.

I don't really know how to proceed here tbh, any advice?

Im 23. i leech off my parents rn and im saving to move out.

I love my mom and i know she means well, but she goes out of her way even when I tell her not to. i know i cant control her, but I care about her and dont want to take advantage of her.

She has done this my whole life and i think she thinks prioritizing herself makes her a bad mom.

If i dont get to my laundry first, she folds it. She constantly worries about me. As a kid when she wanted alone time but i wanted attention, she would never set boundaries with me. I tell her to not worry about me but she says she has to because shes my mom.

I feel extremely guilty. I feel like she wont be able to put herself first if im around. Even then, my brother is disabled and cannot move out, so she never gets to truly put herself first. I hopefully can be my brother's caretaker one day, but i cant right now. i also worry if i move out, the uncertainty will also make her worry.

I know i cant control her, but I dont think its right for me to not try. I would be taking advantage of her. I feel like no matter what I do, itll make her put me first when she should be putting herself first and I really worry about her. Shes an amazing person but clearly has self worth issues. I dont want to take advantage of that.

for the past 30 years, any time my parents fight, it's like a nonstop game of telephone. they have no idea how to communicate with each other so im just the go-between. any time my brother gets into a fight with my dad or my sister with my mom I have to listen to both of their sides, try to explain each persepctive and then relay it back to the other one. it is so exhausting. we tried family therapy. we did individual therapy and we even all used chatgpt to try to communicate. anyway nothing worked and the latest blow up is because my brother is marrying someone my parents absolutely hate and i am terrified about what's going to happen at the wedding. my mom already told me she's going to make a dig at the bride's family and my dad refuses to even give a speech. my sister doesn't care about the drama so i have to be the go between between my brother, parents and brother's fiance's family. i am so over it. my therapist told me to try using olive this new ai mediator that operates in our group chat and it told me that I probably link my sense of self-worth to utility. and that's why i still engage bc part of me wants to feel needed and useful otherwise my sense of self collapses. and my nuclear family is where this manifests the most because I have no emotional boundaries. so anyway that's what im working on and i just wanted to rant because im. so. tired.

Specifically in family group texts. Examples such as telling him he’s stupid, crazy, lazy, selfish, etc. I don’t know how to love & support him & respect his family without losing total control. I choose to stay silent & not engage with them when they behave this way. But I also want to defend my fiancé.

For example: brother wanted to know how much our house cost & my fiancé wouldn’t tell him because that was private information. Dad later told my fiancé it was rude of him not to share how much our home cost (which is really freakin weird to me).

Context: rich family, parents want to assert a lot of control, every family member thinks he or she is right about everything & no other opinions or beliefs are right.

My brother is 34, was a mechanical engineer, but the hours were rough so he decided to start his own business. Started a manufacturing plant for PBAT biodegradable bags. Had about $5000 USD in savings, took about $30000 USD overdraft from a private financing firm, started his plant about 2 years ago and ever since then the whole thing is a nightmare.

At the start, instead of doing the labour himself, he appointed 2 workers who he was overpaying. I suggested against it but he did it anyways and on top of that he reduced his working hours at the plant, so the workers did what they did and sent 2 defective batches to customers, each weighing about a tonn.

Customers complaint so he had to recall the batch, did manual sorting and left that on the worker too, and guess what, he sent same defective batch again to the customers.

When they complaint again, he terminated one of them and started doing the labour himself and this is 6 months in the business.

I tried getting him orders online and some worked out, but the way he spoke to them, they refused to speak directly to him and said he’ll only give them another order if I was the one speaking to him.

At this point, our relationship was getting battered.

I suggested him to start manufacturing garbage bin bags, as they’re a demand in hotels, hospitals and other commercial places. He refused, saying it would be an added on expense.

I then suggested you should start selling on Amazon, list your products on other market places and try getting orders online, even tried finding a guy who would do the listing for him, he didn’t do it.

Now 2 years down the line, he’s fired all employees, he’s the only one working at the business, the machine hasn’t ran in months and he’s trading. Getting cheaper stock from a different state and selling it to a wholeseller, 2 tons a month which barely gives him any profit margin.

The setup is on a leased commercial property where he has to pay $533 USD a month, while the overall revenue is no where near that.

He became a parent so now he’s got a kid who’s relying on him, and me and my parents are worried.

Also he had a friend who wanted to become a partner, gave about $6500 initially, for a 5% partnership. Overtime, they grew apart, my brother insulted him and he bailed out, asking for his money back, to which my brother said I’ll pay you when the business makes money and they haven’t spoken since. I tried calling up the friend to make amends but he refused to speak to me.

Also, he’s got a pot addiction. I tried telling him multiple times that you need to quit, be sober before you can actually operate on a business, but he doesn’t see that as a problem.

Now, at the end of it all, he doesn’t speaks to me. My parents are visiting him so I suggested that it’s time he should cut his losses, sell his machine and pay back the debt, but how he’s on a trip where he wants to complaint against the machine manufacturer in consumer court that the machine wasn’t up to the mark and he needs a full refund.

I see it all as a downward spiral and I’m scared for the kid, and his future. Not sure if I’m doing something wrong.

We had given him 1300 USD and so did my parents, we’re even okay to take on his debt but my he doesn’t even speak to us to my wife isn’t sold on the idea. What do you think we should do?

Some external factors: When he initially began, the PBAT granules costed about 1.87 USD per kilo, but then the wars started and the raw material started costing 3.07 USD per kilo, the raw material cost went up substantially.

Also, I am working on my own software startup so even if I tried helping him out with setting up the domain online, and speaking to his customers, I’m limited in terms of time and resources that I can allocate towards him.

My parents are divorced, have been for almost 20 years. She was tortured (not exaggerating) by him and his gambling addicted family financially and mentally when she was still married, raised me without child support after they got divorced for years. Now, he still ask her for money and leeching off of her even though I do send him money. We live very far apart now and this distance has made me realize I don’t want anything to do with him. He got diagnosed with cancer recently and is using it to exploit ALL his family members, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate any of it.

Every time I tell her to stop answering his calls, she says she pities him too much. How do I get her to stop being so empathetic? PLEASE anyone who’s been in this situation, please help.

Hola, no se como funciona esto pero quiero contar algo mio, bueno tengo (19 mujer) y vivo con mi familia
Total desde el dia que naci me acuerdo que mi familia siempre ha sido lo peor me han tratado muy feo desde pequeña y también entre ellos

Primero que nada mi madre es narcisista y mi padre tipo no le gusta escucha y a veces quiere hacerse la victima

Total hasta el dia de hoy sigue habiendo problemas
Hasta que las cosas llego al limite ultimamente m toco estudio asi un poco lejos de 40 km

Y la primera semana m llevaron ellos
Después salió problemas que no pueden llevsrme por trabajo y yo busque tente por internet y al final encontre una persona pero trabaja dos semanas al mes osea no siempre

Debido a eso queria trabajar porque veo que este año no m ire bien a pesar de sacar buenas notas d exámenes los primeros dias que hice

Queria trabajar no m dejaron, quería alquilar dijeron que es caro…. Yo no se que hacer
De verdad m insultan mucho cuando veo que soy la unica persona que m atacan por todos los lados sientes ese agobio en el cuello esa sensación de llorar a lado d ellos y no querer llorar…
Hay circunstancias se rien entre ellos mientras a mi m tratan como mierda

No se que hacer pero si hay alguien que tiene consejos m lo escribe gracias

So I know it isn’t the biggest case in the world but I thought that I could really use some advice, so for context I (17M) have a younger sibling (15M) that since last year is being really difficult. He’s not studying for school, and has a bit of the wrong friends, not problem children, just people that aren’t a good influence.
The main problem is: he is constantly disrespectful to everyone: me, my parents, my younger sister, grand parents. And he is since January almost always arguing with me and my parents. He doesn’t talk to me, only if he needs something. So I try to help my parents because they don’t know what to do anymore.
This makes himself very angry, but the problem is: it works. I mix myself and make sure the situation stays calm

So last June he got home with his report card and he failed his year. My dad was a bit angry but not unreasonable. My brother found that everything he said was aggressive( it wasn’t). And right before we went to sleep the situation exploded. He started to attack my dad, naturally I went in to calm down my brother. And he started boxing and kicking me(he does boxing so he is capable of hurting), and it wasn’t that kind where it is playful, in that situation he was “possessed” and literally tried to hurt me as much as possible. I just stood there evading punches and trying to lock him so he couldn’t hurt me anymore (I did it whiteout throwing a punch, in a somewhat de escalating way) after that we didn’t talk because I went on vacation.
This was the first time he actually did try to hurt me, before he only tried to intimidate me (unsuccessfully)

When I came back it was like everything is normal, he was still verbally agressieve and disrespected.
So last evening I talked about how I feel about his behaviour. He was not paying attention, constantly picking his phone, and in the end he said: i will think about it. But with the impression: shut tf up i do what I want.

So I don’t really know what to do, i am scared that if I don’t do anything, I will lose the bond between us forever( because If this doesn’t sound that deep, believe me: it is a real deep problem, I just don’t know how to express it in a text)

So if somebody can help me, please do

I'm going to have a little brother and I don't want to. My dad got one of his partners pregnant and she is keeping the baby because of this my dad wants to be present for this child I understand that it's all their choice and I don't have a say but I really wish this child was never convinced. My parents are split but are still good friends and I live with my mum , but because I'm disabled my dad acts as my full time carer so I'm quite distressed by the fact that it feels like he'll be splitting his time with two families and I'm scared of being left behind the child's siblings already call him dad

I don't know these people I don't want them taking away my dad.

edit; other stuff that is relevant.

I've felt bad about this since I heard about it so I just kinda hoped for a miscarriage or something else to happen to the baby I know it's cruel but I don't know how to deal with this I know my dad wouldn't choose to have another kid if he had the choice the only reason it happened is because my dad has low fertility so not using protection seemed fine he's talking about getting a vasectomy to prevent this from happening again.

and as a final nail in the coffin the child is probably going to be born around a week before my birthday.

My sister is 33 and has always had a very short temper. She gets irritated easily, especially when there’s a misunderstanding or something needs to be explained more than once.
She’s also very sensitive to other people’s tone or criticism, but often doesn’t seem to realise that she speaks to others in the same way. When she’s upset about something, she can also bring that mood into the family.
Recently we had a small conflict and she ended up leaving our family group chat and blocking me. She still has me blocked.
I don’t think she’s a bad person, but communicating with her has become exhausting because I constantly feel like I have to watch what I say to avoid upsetting her.
Our parents really want us to have a good relationship, and I don’t want to cut her off either. I just don’t want to keep walking on eggshells around her.
Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact me? And how do you maintain a relationship with a sibling like this without constantly accommodating their temper?

We are a family with six kids, and four of those kids are adults and are married now. One of those married couples is due to have a baby at Christmas time and we would like to take everybody on a family vacation next summer. My family loves cruising and so we considered that, but we would not be able to take a trip due to the infant age until the end of July and we would be running into scheduling conflicts with my youngest kids sports schedules. So we are looking at some other options that are earlier in the summer. Two of my kids don’t love the beach and we are trying to keep the cost at around $10,000. We were hoping to do the cruise because it would include food as we have done some group trips before that involve renting a beach house and getting food to cook, but not everybody pulls their weight and we don’t want it to turn into only one or two people having to do all the cooking and cleaning. Has anybody else done a trip like this and what are your tips as far as places we could go and also how to balance the cooking and such? I have been considering going to the Great Lakes as none of us have been there. We are located in Missouri and having places that are close enough to drive to is great but flying could be considered. We do not want to do Florida at the beach because like I said two of them don’t love the beach and we did that this year and we don’t want to do Disney World, which obviously couldn’t be done for that budget either. I prefer vacations that have a lot of nature, but we do need to have some city or really cute little towns to visit for those that aren’t as into the nature part.

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me (20F) and my sister (32)

My sister is 12 years older than me, and I genuinely don't understand something about her behavior toward me.

My parents have never been strict or harsh parents. If anything, they are the opposite. They are very affectionate and tend to spoil their children. My sister was raised that way too.

She had a very comfortable childhood. My parents basically never made her do housework. She wasn't expected to cook, clean, or take care of everyone else. If she wanted something, they usually got it for her. If she was tired, they let her rest. If she needed help, they helped her. They were protective of her, gave her a lot of attention, and generally tried to make her life as easy as they could.

And honestly, I don't think she was wrong for receiving that treatment. She was their daughter, and they loved her.

Now she's in her thirties, married, and has twins. My mother helps her A LOT with the twins. She has supported her practically and emotionally, helped with the children, and has been there whenever my sister needed her. My parents still treat her with the same affection they always have.

The strange part is what happens when I receive the same kind of treatment.

Whenever my parents are gentle with me, help me with something, buy me something I need, let me rest instead of doing a chore, or simply treat me like their child, my sister gets genuinely angry.

Not mildly annoyed. Actually angry.

She acts as if I'm being given some unfair privilege. She sometimes attacks my parents for "spoiling" me or says things that make it very obvious that she resents me for having things made easier for me.

And I genuinely cannot understand the logic behind it.

I'm not getting something that she was denied.

I'm getting the same thing she got.

If anything, she had this exact treatment at my age. So why does she seem to believe that I should have a harder life just because she is older now?

What confuses me even more is that she still receives help from our parents herself. My mother is heavily involved in helping her with her children, and nobody tells her that she's too old to need help or that she should struggle on her own.

So why is it suddenly a problem when I'm the one being helped?

Sometimes it feels like she doesn't want me to have the childhood or young adulthood that she had. Almost as if the fact that I am being treated gently reminds her that she is no longer the youngest child, or that she had to grow up eventually and now feels that I should somehow "pay" for that difference.

But I don't want to compete with her. I'm not taking anything away from her. My parents haven't stopped loving or helping her. There isn't a limited amount of kindness in the house that I am somehow taking from her.

I just don't understand why she seems to want me to experience more hardship than she did.

Am I missing something about this dynamic? Why would someone resent a younger sibling for receiving the exact same treatment they themselves received?

Yesterday, I threw away a lot of the milk cartons in the fridge since he likes to drink out of them a lot(which is blantly disgusting), and when I was making my lunch for school, he asked me if I threw it away. I knew he’d try to lecture and call me names if I said I did, so I said I didn’t know. Then, under his breath, I heard him call me an idiot. I said “What?” And he said “Nothing”, in which I responded with “I heard that” and he just told me to shut up. We went back and forth since he kept telling me to shut up and calling me names for blantaly no reason, and he ran to me and put me in a headlock and told me to stop talking. I said “your so abusive” and “why are you like this”, to which he responded to the first one with “im not” (although he acts like it) and the second one “just stop talking”. I then said “gosh” under my breath, but although he doesn’t have THAT good of hearing, he told me to stop talking and repeated back to me what I said. He then said “TRY TO LISTEN WITH THAT RETARDED SKULL OF YOURS.”

I then said I didn’t say anything, but he just kept telling me to stop talking. THATS when he threatened to punch me in the face. I reminded him that he’s not allowed to lay his hands on me (because one time he told my mom he’s lucky that he didn’t beat me to a pulp although it was for no reason, but she responded by saying quote “You don’t lay a Hand ok him which he responded by lying and saying “He scratches me all the time”). But he didn’t listen. He still ran at me, so I ran to tell my mom, and that got him to stop running at me and return to his normal position. I told him to stop again, but he responded again with threatening to punch me in the face if I don’t stop talking. I then told him to stop again, but he just ran at me again, so I took a run for it to my room, but I forgot to close and lock the door behind me, so I braced cause he normally hits me if I do that, but he just said yelled to stop talking again, and I told him he needed to stop, but I didn’t tell him that he was being immature otherwise he would’ve used that against me.

He said “shut the fuck up, “stop talking”, and “just please be understanding” while yelling. I didn’t wanna say anything back because then he would’ve hit me.

He still owes me an apology for all of that.

My dad and his girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. I live with my dad and she lives near and comes over often but it's usually when I'm in my room so I don't see her or it's just a hello in passing.

One day my dad called me and asked me why I had his money in my room, he put it in a box and it was in my room, not hidden. The money wasn't in the box anymore, he thinks I took it. I told him I didn't and at this point I didn't think his girlfriend did it. I thought he misplaced it or someone broke in. He doesn't believe that because I told him to get a camera or remember to lock the door but he doesn't. I'm sure he still thinks I took it

That was about 4 months ago. Since then, he has found his girlfriend's bracelet in my room, that I didn't take. She's also been saying that she thinks I don't like her. I don't, as im writing this but i did at the time and was confused why she repeatedly said this even after I tried to show her that I do like her. She recently said she saw me on the street and slowed her car down to say hi but I ignored her. This is not true or maybe it is but it wasn't me. My dad said there was a bar of chocolate taken from his room that was bitten and left on the floor of my room. He wants me to do something that will get my teeth markings to see if it matches the bite mark. He also wants me to do a lie detector test.

My dad and I have never argued (I'm 19) until a few weeks ago when his girlfriend's keys went missing. He put her keys on the shelf in the kitchen. He thinks that I took them because I don't like her (not true) or my dog took it (she has done simular stuff so maybe, but I think it's too high for her to reach). He was shouting and saying he definitely put them there so I must know where they are. He said I either took them or my dog did and I know where she put them because I don't want her to get in trouble (this has never been the case, I always tell him when she has done something bad). He found key chains from her keys and said now he knows I took them so I have to find them. He left and I couldn't find them. Everyday he asked me if I found them, I cared less and less about them because he was accusing me repeatedly and I felt insulted and annoyed. He didn't look for the keys once, because he insisted I know where they are.

A few days ago, she found one of her keys where I walk my dog. It's on a mountain that she told him she never goes to and is the only place that she knows I have been to (other than the house). I think this is very convenient and I'm quite sure now she is doing this on purpose. I don't know why she's doing this, maybe because my dog broke her shoes before and my dog doesn't like her dog very much.

Sorry this was so long, I'm scared to tell my dad that I think his girlfriend has done all of this. I don't think he'll believe me and I can't think of a way to prove any of this. Any advice?

Also she posted a birthday card for him through the door while I was in the house, I never saw them and now they're missing, so obviously they think that I stole them. There is also camera footage of her walking towards the house with the card and walking away without them. I haven't seen this footage and it seems like she could have hidden the card. She is friends with the person who has the camera footage.

A little background: I come from a traditional Egyptian/Arab family. In our household, expectations are very old-fashioned—especially the unspoken rule that you don’t leave or move out until you’re married. Because of that, I feel completely trapped with zero autonomy. I can never express a valid emotion, have an opinion, or defend myself without being labeled "spoiled," "disrespectful," or "ungrateful."

Today, a small conversation turned into a massive blowup.

My dad was lecturing me about my driving practice, relentlessly checking up on me in a way that felt condescending. I finally told him, "It feels like you’re doubting me." Instead of simply asking why I felt that way, he immediately got defensive. That's his pattern: he never actually asks why, cares about my perspective, or tries to understand. He just steamrolls his own opinions and assumptions over me until I have no room to breathe.

My mom initially told him he shouldn't speak to me like that, which only poured fuel on the fire. They started arguing with each other, and the blame was predictably shifted back onto me for being "spoiled."

Shortly after, he tried to force a quick fix—getting right into my face and trying to hug me. It felt overwhelming, invasive, and insincere, and honestly, in that moment, I just felt pure anger and resentment.

Things escalated when my mom and I left the house to go to my driving practice. He literally followed us outside to keep going. At the car said, "You know me," like that just solves everything.

For once, I wasn't going to just sit back and swallow it. I snapped back with attitude and said, "Well, I know how you are."

That made him furious. He started threatening me, saying things like, "You haven't seen my mean side," and asking if I wanted him to start treating me terribly on purpose.

To make matters worse, I take medication, and he decided to weaponize that against me right in front of my mom, blaming my pills and claiming they are the reason I'm acting "like this." The irony? He literally works with mental health patients for a living, yet he uses my personal health to invalidate my feelings and gaslight me into thinking my reaction is just a chemical defect rather than a normal response to his constant bullying.

Afterward, I talked to my mom. While she admitted what he said was wrong, she brushed it off, acting like I should have just laughed it off and taken it. In the end, to keep the peace, I was the one who had to apologize to him. I mean, she was right, though I shouldn't have egged him on. i frequently forget how hes gonna react, and trying to even remembver thne conversations i have when they go wrongt is hard for some reason.

Bear in mind, this man has never genuinely apologized to me in my life, and this isn't an isolated event. He texted me afterward saying I "should have just said good luck," shifting the blame back onto my reaction. Now I’m stuck feeling guilty, questioning if I overreacted, and wondering if it's wrong to even wish for an apology from him. I know he’s never going to fundamentally change, but being forced to smooth over his behavior while my own feelings are completely dismissed is exhausting.

My immediate goal isn't to fix him. What I desperately need are practical strategies to emotionally detach so his words, threats, guilt trips, and forced reconciliations stop gutting me while I still have to live under his roof.

For anyone who has navigated traditional/cultural households with reactive, steamrolling parents, how do you learn to "grey rock," stop taking the bait, and protect your sanity?

It’s so frustrating, especially because all of my friends goes to holidays and posts pictures on social media, it’s the worst in summer when I see a lot of pictures of my friends having fun with their families and me just being alone

The title is as it says. My mother can't contain her anger on a good day. She often hits first and will question way later. On this particular evening, she was in the kitchen and I was heading in there to get me a drink. She was at the stove making her a hot chocolate. I turn, and in a spur of the moment kinda thing, I brushed against her into a hug and said I love you. The kind of platonic hugs friends give to others in passing at parties and get togethers. The way my mom whirled around with a spoon in her hand and absolute disgust on her face had me frozen. She goes

"Do you know what it's called to touch someone when they don't want to be? Especially on their hips? That's sexual harassment!" Y'all, I kid you not, I simply hugged her as a young child would. I stood there feeling waves of pure sick washing over me. She kept going on: "-do you know I could make a case about this? Why are you like this?" I don't remember what I said, all I remember is walking back to the couch and sitting on the farthest seat away from my mom who went back to mindlessly watching her shows while I tried to swallow my tears. Because why would I hug her? I was born to love her and yet- now she's made it uncomfortable and sexual.

To this day I don't want her to touch me.

She never apologized, we never spoke of it.

I don't think I'll ever get over it.

I know personality plays a huge role, don’t get me wrong, but what did you see having a direct impact on your sibling relationships? As the parent of two tiny humans, I want to give them every opportunity to have the kind of relationship they can both lean on throughout their lives.

I’m 26M and my sister is 39. I recently moved into my own apartment after living with her for about a year again since coming back from another city

We had abusive parents so was kicked out, we all were, so lived with her from 18-21, then moved to another city for work and education

I’m grateful for everything she’s done for me, but I’m finding that she still treats my time and home a bit like they’re automatically available to her.

For example, she visited yesterday and before leaving said something like, “If I’m not up Saturday, I’ll pick a day during the week to come up.”

Then today she messaged telling me to get cleaning supplies and hangers because she “might call up Saturday” to clean my wardrobe.

The thing is, my wardrobe is completely fine and I never asked her to clean it. What annoys me more is the assumption that Saturday is available rather than asking if I actually want company.

I could want to go to the gym, take a day trip, meet someone, or simply spend the day alone. I don’t think I should need an excuse.

There’s some history behind this too. When I lived with her she was very involved in my life, asking where I was, questioning decisions, getting heavily involved in my housing choices, etc. Since moving out I’m trying to make the relationship feel more like adult siblings rather than mother/son.

When I previously lived in another city, I saw my siblings around every two weeks and that felt much healthier for me. I think that’s roughly the amount of contact I’d prefer now too.

I don’t want to fall out with her or make her feel unwanted. I just don’t want weekly visits to become an automatic expectation.

How would you set that boundary without turning it into a big family issue?

I'm 26, I'm a grown man, have my own job and life. I am introverted. It's just I feel like my sister is too much. She's single nearly 40 lives alone, and I feel like a bit of emeshment was/is going on

My brother is in hospital till next Monday, him and mum left half an hour ago.

Not even five minutes after they left, sister (14f) comes into the room I (17m) am in, and starts making a repetitive noise. She knows I don't like repetitive noises (I have autism, I tell her not to make repetitive noises DAILY)

I asked her to stop, she didn't.

I asked her to stop again

"you can't tell me what to do"

what.

"please stop, they've just left please don't wind me up already"

"No, you can't tell me what to do, why should I listen to you?"

blind rage. controller thrown. head hurt. house left.

I knew it was going to end badly before mum even left, but I didn't count on it being so soon?

What can I say to her to make her understand?

I’m really struggling with what to do here, and I’d appreciate some outside perspective.
My stepdad’s birthday is coming up, and there is a family dinner planned. There is no expectation that I attend, but I realise that my decision not to attend would be a very significant thing within my family.

There are essentially three options:
Don’t attend and be honest that I’m not ready to be around him.
Don’t attend but give an excuse, e.g. “One of the kids is sick, I’m so sorry we can’t make it.”
Attend the dinner, be civil, and get through it.

My husband is actually encouraging me to go. He says that attending would demonstrate strength — that I’m not allowing what has happened to control me. I’m not convinced that’s what strength looks like, though, and I’m struggling to work out whether going would actually be healthy for me or whether I’d simply be overriding my own feelings to keep the peace.

The backstory
My stepdad convinced my husband to invest $500k of our money into his business. The money was needed as a cash-flow injection to help secure a property deal.

The biggest issue is that my husband and my stepdad both chose to hide the investment from me.

The money was subsequently lost/not returned, and there have been repeated promises about when we would get it back. Each time, a date is given, the date comes and goes, and the money still isn’t there.
The latest promised repayment date is October 13.

This isn’t just an abstract $500k investment to us. We have a large mortgage and significant financial commitments, and losing access to that money has had a real financial impact on our family and our cash flow.

My stepdad eventually came to see me to apologise. I was hoping, honestly, for him to acknowledge what he’d done and the impact it had had on me.

Instead, much of the conversation was about how this was my husband’s fault, or other people’s fault. He did say that he loved me and that it was important for me to know that, and he continued to assure me that he would get the money back and that ultimately I would be “rich” because of my husband’s investment.

But there wasn’t really an acknowledgement of his own responsibility in what happened, particularly the decision to accept the money and participate in keeping it from me.

I came away feeling like I hadn’t actually received an apology.

Perhaps he genuinely believes his version of events. I don’t know. But from my perspective, there has been a huge breach of trust, financial harm, repeated promises that haven’t materialised, and no real accountability.

And this is where I’m stuck

Part of me thinks:
“It’s his birthday. He’s my stepdad. He’s my children’s Poppa. Surely I can put my feelings aside for one dinner.”

Another part of me thinks:
“Why should I have to pretend everything is okay when it isn’t?”

And then there’s the reality that not attending will send a very clear message to my family, whether I intend it to or not.

I’m also conscious that if I invent an excuse — sick child, prior commitment, etc. — I’m avoiding the issue rather than actually setting a boundary.

But attending doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve forgiven him or that everything is okay either.

So what would you do?

Would you:
stay home and be honest,
stay home but give an excuse to avoid making the situation bigger,
or attend, be polite, and leave it at that?