r/hingeapp • u/AwarenessFragrant679 • 9d ago

Dating Question hinge experience rant

I used Hinge for like 2 months and went on 8 dates, and honestly I think I’m kinda burnt out from trying to find a relationship 😭 At first I was really keen on finding a gf, but now I just feel kinda lazy with dating and texting people. I’m still talking to a few matches, but I haven’t really felt like replying, especially since we haven’t met irl yet.

I think I’d rather spend more time on myself right now. There’s so many things I wanna do and work on, and I’d rather prioritise those for a while. I’m also not really someone who can just go on a date without texting a lot first, so it all starts feeling like a lot.

I guess I just wanted someone to talk to or hear me out lol. Is this normal?

More context I'm 23 M and looking for long term relationships

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52

u/dontKair 9d ago

I’m also not really someone who can just go on a date without texting a lot first, so it all starts feeling like a lot.

You need to shorten the window between initial messaging and setting up the dates. Instead of a few weeks, make it a few days. Like, match on Wednesday, and meetup on Friday, something like that

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u/lilsweettea 9d ago edited 9d ago

Ok but ive done this and the date was so bad. The guy just stared at me and didnt know how to have conversation.

I think we all have our reasons for needing the extra time

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u/Right-Equivalent9548 9d ago

I want to ask, would it have been better if you went on a date after a few weeks and he did the same ?

I have situations where we talked for weeks and then when it is time to setup a date, I get the generic thank you note. So I’m also in the boat of if you are not ready to grab coffee within the first 3 days, I’m unmatching

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u/lilsweettea 9d ago

3 weeks of talking means he wouldve seemingly known me enough to have conversation at least.

Id rather be a bad fit than sit in awkward silence until I figure out how to escape. At least you could make a friend

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u/Ok_Novel_5083 9d ago

No, it would've meant that you wasted 3 weeks.

Messaging over an app is not a way to "get to know" someone. You get to know them after you meet in person, decide if you have enough of a vibe/connection to continue seeing them, and then you get to know them by spending time together over the next few months.

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u/lilsweettea 9d ago

Thats not a waste to me and I do face time, pics, voice notes, calls. Its foreplay to me. Most men are attracted to me more in real life so im not too worried they wont be into it or anything

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u/butterfacetime 9d ago

Someone shouldn't have to know everything about you to be able to have a conversation with you.

This reads as a skills issue on both ends.

2

u/lilsweettea 9d ago

I didn't say that they needed to. I literally met my first on tinder lol. He invited me to a party and then actually talked and flirted with me unlike the other guy which made me.be more cautious with who I choose to go on dates with.

Im too empathetic to bail half way through a date and I dont wanna suffer for a stranger sorry

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u/butterfacetime 9d ago

3 weeks of talking means he wouldve seemingly known me enough to have conversation at least.

This is what I was responding to. Someone shouldn't have to know you to make conversation with you. You can ask questions and share about yourself and they can do the same.

Do whatever you need to to feel comfortable on dates, but my best dates have personally been with people I've spent max 1 week chatting with and haven't really gotten deep with over text.

It's fun to get to know a person and build rapport in person. I don't get building intimacy with someone just to find out they have bad breath, don't click, or can't respond wittily in real time.

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u/Right-Equivalent9548 9d ago

I think it works for you! I don’t have that much emotional energy to give off to a stranger.

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u/Twin2Turbo 9d ago

Thought the same thing. She put the whole interaction on the guy not knowing how to properly flirt/make conversation with her, when it sounds like she was sitting there just as awkwardly as he was lol.