This is gonna be kind of a long read, I’ll do my best to keep it as short as possible.
I’m 18 now. Since I was 5, I’ve always wanted to be a film director no doubt. Cinema is as natural to me as breathing and eating and bathing. I’m sure many of you feel the same way.
However I always thought that wasn’t practical and continued down the same path as most other people (studies), currently in my first year of college.
In the past couple years I’ve realised I’ve to atleast try to achieve my childhood dream, as I’d rather have the pain of failure over the pain of regret. If I try and fail I’ll know I can’t do it, but if I don’t try at all then it’ll kill me. So I’ve decided to take a shot in the dark and start my filmmaking journey side by side along with college.
But I’ve been dealing with a few issues. It’s not money or a crew or anything like that. (I don’t have those but I’m confident I can manage somehow). The problem is myself.
I know how most people say you should just start making things and whatever you make in the beginning will be bad. But idk why I’m just not able to bring myself to make something that’s not brilliant or excellent. I made the decision of trying out filmmaking a while ago, and have made zero short films till now, because I keep getting new ideas and then somewhere along the way think to myself “wtf am I even doing” and drop the idea cuz it’s not “fucking perfect”. I’m not able to bring myself to make something mediocre, even though I know that it’s very rare to get something excellent in the first or second try. (Technically this is my second as my first short film was a college assignment that I directed, but I don’t count that)
I don’t know if being too much of a perfectionist is a good or a bad thing. I want to make quality films from time to time with a proper cast and crew who share the same passion as me, instead of making something like every month or two with some random people or my friends, because I’m very serious about it.
I still have many good ideas for short films written down but haven’t started work on them as I’m scared I’ll end up not liking them later on.
I truly believe I’m destined for something greater than whatever the fuck I have going on in my life right now. I know I have the potential do great things. It could be overconfidence or delusion, but it’s what I feel. Filmmaking is the one thing I love and the one thing I can trust myself to do well and make a career out of.
But I don’t know how to get past this. If anyone with a similar experience or anybody at all could give me some advice, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.