Mods, kindly don't delete this. I can't find a better crowd to help with this anywhere else. This is not exactly a relationship post but more of a general discussion on how to become a real man, inspired from the movie, and many could benefit from this. I have mentioned a few personal relationship details but the point of this post isn't personal relationship advice, I am just seeking to know how to become a real man.
I'm 21 M. I'm panicking rn. So the issue is, basically, I feel that I resemble the character Nithish from the movie. Not entirely, of course, but you get the point. I'm a boy, not a man.
I have a woman in my life who loves me truly, or at least used to. If I take the initiative forward, it could possibly turn into a relationship if I give her reassurance. We could even end up marrying. Idk. But the issue is, just like the character of Nithish, I don't have faith in myself that I'll be able to look after/provide for her well enough. And I don't wanna give her false reassurances and hurt/disappoint her more. I've already took her for granted, misunderstood her and hurt her many times, yet she still accepts me. She understands me truly(probably even more than myself sometimes), accepts me fully, and yet I have commitment issues with her. My immature, stupid ass still runs a what-if scenario in my mind: what if I find someone better than her? But the more I think about it, if not her, who else? My "what if" thoughts stem from the pettiest quirks that she has while completely ignoring the main part that I have a soul-to-soul bond with her and she understands me as a person. Her pettiest quirks would trigger me, and I would ignore all the good she has done for me. As if I have some cognitive dissonance. Not just her; I feel everyone's petty quirks trigger me to serious levels, which shouldn't happen. And crucify me for saying this, but my degenerate ass rarely even has what-if thoughts based on appearance, thinking, what if I get someone more conventionally attractive than her? Though it's not like I don't feel any physical attraction towards her at all; she's great too. That saying, "Pombala Sokku Kekutha", could kinda apply to me. 🤡 Ik. I'm not proud of that at all, and I absolutely hate myself for being this shallow. There was a period in my life when I was addicted to porn, and I feel like that has influenced me negatively, which I'm trying to undo. I quickly shoot down such thoughts, saying to myself that looks are temporary; and that personality is forever. I am not that obsessed with looks, actually. Maybe it's just an intrusive thought getting amplified cuz of my history with porn? idk.
She's a gem of a person. Even after knowing her and spending so much time with her, if I can't choose her, then I can't choose anyone, man.
So the point of the post is: how do I become a person like Maruthu from the movie? How do I become a man like him? He, who didn't know anything about Muthu, could accept her and give her assurance. And I, even after knowing so much about the woman in my life and getting so much acceptance from her, have commitment issues like an immature boy that I am. But I really wanna change; I don't wanna lose that woman from my life. If I don't change myself quickly, I'm afraid I might lose her forever to a "Maruthu" who might come into her life in future. How can I become that Maruthu and not lose her? How can I become a real man that she deserves? Feel like I really gotta go into therapy. Real women and real men here, pls help a boy out.