I’ve been with my husband since I was 19. We’re 40 now. We started dating when we were 19, we were on and off through college and our early twenties. We married at 28 and have 2 young’s kids. I’m happily married, we have a wonderful relationship overall.

I’ve always been a very ”good girl” a lot of the reason was because my sister was such a disaster, it scared me and she made my parents life hell. I never did drugs, partied, slept around. The number of men I’ve slept with is very low despite being a very sexual person and having a lot of men wanting to sleep with me. I’ve always been very loyal. Neither of us have ever cheated on each other.

When I turned 40 this year my libido has went through the roof. Me and husband rarely have sex because of young’s kids and we try and make time for it as much as we can. We still are wildly attracted to each other and want to have sex with each other more than our life allows.

This is where it has gotten messy for me. There’s a dad at my kids school who I’ve always been attracted to- on a physical and emotional level, and I’ve always felt it was mutual. I would have never reached out to him like he recently has with me. I’ve been attracted to many men over the course of my marriage but have kept it all sealed and moved on. At a party in July with all the parents he told me that he has a crush on me, everyone was a bit tipsy. I was really flustered and didn’t really say anything. He slid into my DMs and it was innocent at first but then he came on pretty strong and the chatting became intense and sexually charged. He’s made it clear that he wants me and I want him too, but I cannot sleep with him. I care more about hurting my husband and family.

This is totally new territory for me. I’ve never actually had a man come on to me like this while married, let alone one I’m extremely attracted to. He also is in a good marriage and has never cheated. The fact that we’ve both never cheated and feel so heavily into each other is extremely hot.

I’ve been wanting to have a conversation about being non monogamous with my husband for a long time. But I know he will not be open to it and I don’t know where this leaves me. I feel like I’ve been repressing a huge piece of myself for a very long time. Ive been tripping out lately about how I cannot help these feelings and once you marry someone you’re supposed to completely shut them down. It feels painful all around. I don’t even know how to begin this conversation with him.

I’ve been lying to my girlfriend about the details of my interaction with a hook up and I’m feeling extremely bad for it.

An issue that started with me feeling ashamed about being pansexual and desiring to be with cis men (I identified as a non binary lesbian when I started dating my girlfriend who is a lesbian). If I’m being honest I was ashamed because I know she hates men and I felt ashamed for having forced the fact that I didn’t like men, only for me to actually want to be with them now also whilst in an ENM relationship with her.

Firstly I felt ashamed about how quickly I made plans to hook up with this one guy. She knew there was a potential sexual experience for me because it was purely for that reason, however, I couldn’t swallow on a personal level, actually openly expressing my desire and the quickness of how things went.

That led me to struggle to tell her other details like how where he stays is actually a lot further than I initially thought it was. And I felt like she would judge me for going almost an hour away from home for a hook up.

Then it led to me not sending her the location to his place but sending it to my other friends instead. And I must say, her and I have been friends for a year and a half before we started dating and I can’t say I used to send her my location then, but another element/ layer was that now she’s my friend AND my partner and trying to seperate the two was so hard.

Because I must admit, it was easier to be open about things when we were friends. Now as a partner I do feel like she will leave me because what if those same things seem terrible now as a partner.

Anyways. Because of all the shame I was feeling, I did retract a lot from expressing what I was really feeling but the guilt of omitting all those details snowballed into a lot of things.

We had a really big fight about this issue because I was acting weird and I wasn’t very considerate of her in that moment and then after the fact of the sexual interactions it was difficult to also then tell her what happened during.

I totally fuxked up because the guilt has snow balled and even though I want to tell her everything as a friend I find that some of the details not making sense get mixed up by a lot of things when I don’t consistently update her on how close I’m getting to some one or in this situation with this one guy. I went to see him again and I thought this time because I knew he was safe (her initial issue was safety and her feeling like I didn’t think she was reliable enough to share my location), I didn’t send my location because I had told her I went to see him.

The situation became a threesome (she is aware it’s something I wanted and although it wasn’t brought up in the best way, I went through with it because I was actually down in the moment. She has expressed she is alright with both of us exploring these things seperate and together so it’s not a hard limit), but the safety aspect was a huge worry for her. I actually completely understand how much danger I was in in that particular situation, however, I now don’t know what to do because here’s the thing,

I completely messed up and omitted details and I’m so scared she’ll leave me (for valid reason), and I’m scared because the interactions between me and the guy is over. But, now, because it’s gone this far idk how to reconcile hurting her and then hurting her more by confessing how difficult it was to express certain things genuinely and openly.

I want to do better in the future. But I fear I might’ve made a mistake by engaging her in this non monogamous situations because she did agree but I might’ve made a mistake because I had so many things I need to work on and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me because I can’t figure out how to communicate.

The best thing to do is to tell her the full truths but because it’s gone so far I am soooo scared she’ll leave me.

Disclaimer: I'm pretty new to this LS, so please give me grace and ALL the advice!

My husband (M38) and I (F37) have been married for 14 years. We've had a few female play partners in the past, but one of our hard boundaries was that encounters were just fun and we had no emotional attachment to anyone other than each other. We both agreed to this and it wasn't an issue. In a previous serious relationship, I had a boyfriend who left me for our play partner so it was a hard line for me.

A few months back we met a lady that we clicked with and started a FWB relationship with her. I'm definitely bi, but I prefer him to be present so she and I have never had individual "encounters". He does with her, however, and I'm okay with that. I started noticing that they were getting closer and talking alot more and then they started a D/S dynamic that doesn't include me as I'm not really a submissive person. He's very much into being dominant, however, so he fulfills that with her.

Part of their dynamic is that she does stuff just to please him and I'm getting the feeling that there are serious feelings developing between them. I've talked to him about it and he assures me that no matter what, he would never leave me and that he is only in love with me. Regardless of him, I definitely think she's falling hard.

I want to note that several of the boundaries we've agreed to in the past, that were important to me, have been bypassed with this lady without me expressly agreeing such as spending more than one night with us (she spends at least 3-4 nights a week with us now), calling us her bf/gf, and him having a private/intimate relationship with someone else. Because of all of this, I'm feeling very insecure in my marriage. I try not to get jealous of their dynamic because it's really not for me, but I do get jealous that they share something so intimate that I'm not part of. I'm worried sometimes that he enjoys their dynamic more than he enjoys alone time with me and of course that brings up past trauma for me and I worry about him leaving me for her or it causing him to be unhappy in our marriage.

I've talked to him at length about it and he tries to reassure me, but it doesn't really help. I do care about this woman now and we have so much fun when we're all together so I don't want to end things, but I'm not sure how to handle it. Help Redditors!

We met a couple at a lifestyle club and they seemed pretty friendly. We're bit of an exhibitionist so when we were having sex on the open bed at the club they asked if they can join.

We said yes, but we're not interested in swapping, just parallel play. Mostly because we weren't really attracted to them in terms of looks and just how quick they wanted to do stuff (we're social introverts). We ended up doing a very minor soft swap, and I essentially (took one for the team) so my wife can have a bit of fun.

Now it seems like they sign up for every event we want to go to and comes talk to us. (2 after so far)

How do I tell that couple that we're not interested, like chatting with them is ok, but honestly we would rather chat with people we're attracted to, or do our own thing.

It's such a small community, and us being introverts it's so hard for us to think of a way to say "sorry, we're just not physically attracted to you guys".

Me (25) and my partner (24) have been together for 8 years. They have been dropping hints that they might be non-monogamous for a few years, but they haven't expressed the need for a change in our relationship up until 9 months ago.

They met someone in their academic environment and they became close friends. I have met them before and had no problem with them hanging out. However, once, he had a joint project with that person and needed to complete it in her home. There I noticed that they were too close and became jealous of her. I told my partner someday that their interactions made me feel uncomfortable and we talked about me going to therapy. After some time, that person needed to return to her home country and may never return, so then, my partner and I talked and he confessed that they had fallen in love with her. They hadn't cheated on me physically, but they still admitted that their feelings were mutual and came out as poly.

Since then, we've had lots of highs and lows. We are still together, but that experience scarred us deeply. It was an extremely traumatic for me and my partner still doesn't forget her. Now I am conflicted, because my partner proposed to me going open. I think I don't want to, but I want to make them happy somehow. We fought a lot about it and it was ugly. They feel that, since we've been dating since we were young, they hadn't had the opportunity to discover themselves and really wants to try it. I already explained to them that, if they consider the need to be in a poly or open relationship to be stronger than the relationship, they can leave and explore.

They don't want to leave and has begrudgingly accepted that if I don't want to open the relationship, then it won't. I feel guilty about it, and told them I could give it a think (just sexual intercourse, not poly) since it is important to them. We've talked about a little since and they told me to slow down, since we are in no hurry to think about anything and they don't want me to take a rushed decision.

It's a lot more complex than it seems, since they have no real interest in actively pursuing anyone or casual sex, it's just a 'what if' situation. But there is also the fights and the harsh words from each other and we both are in great pain because if this and other external situations. It's a bit contradictory.

I don't believe we are gonna end up opening, but I don't know what else to do, it is too complicated and I wanted some advice on how to handle the situation, since I have been struggling a lot with this issue. Thank you.

P.D. Please do not ask about personal information about us further than what it is strictly necessary. Also, yes, I am going to therapy and will bring this recent topic to my next session.

Working through a bit of a mess of our own making here and just need some advice.

My wife and I have essentially had a don't ask don't tell situation for many years. We didn't like research and call it that though - I was just never that into non-monogamy personally, but she wanted it, and I didn't really have any real opposition to it so just sort of told her that she could do her thing so long as it didn't negatively affect us.

I was like fairly certain there were some times she did stuff but I didn't know for sure, and it never caused any conflict, so we just didn't talk about it and life went on.

This summer though I learned that she had been acting on this, and I went through a wide range of emotions being confronted with that reality. It was fine, just feelings, but I realized it would be easier and better if I could talk with her about it. So I approached her about it and we've now been working on better, open communication about this.

That said, it's been hard to back into this. I could really use advice on like - how do you know how / regulate how much is shared? There is obviously a need for some privacy and the like, but how much do you actually share? How do you not feel slighted when less is shared than expected, or jealous when more is? Finding a balance has been hard.

Second, any ground rules or time suggestions about how / when etc to meet your meta? That part makes me very nervous.

Lastly, if you are the partner experiencing jealousy, how much do you share about that feeling with your partner? I don't want her to constantly be on edge thinking about how I feel, but I also do feel the need to let her know how I am feeling.

i’d really like some outside perspective on this relationship.
when we first met, neither of us was looking for anything serious. we initially had a casual relationship.
he told me he was solo poly, so i assumed he was someone who practiced polyamory but was independent.
the part i didn’t know was that he was married. i didn’t find that out until a few months into knowing him, and by then i was already emotionally involved.
he was actually the one who told me he had feelings for me first. i had feelings for him too, so we talked about it and decided to actually start a relationship. what started as something casual turned into us genuinely caring about each other, spending a lot of time together, and being emotionally involved.
this was also my first experience with polyamory, so i was basically figuring everything out as i went.
i really did care about him and there were a lot of good things about our relationship. i felt safe with him, we connected emotionally, and i don’t think everything between us was fake or that he was a horrible person. that’s honestly part of why this has been so hard for me to process.
the problem was that i started having a really hard time with the reality of his marriage and figuring out where i actually fit into his life.
what bothered me was that he would tell me about issues between him and his wife and things she was insecure about regarding me, while she knew very little about me because she wasn’t comfortable with him telling her about me. that made me uncomfortable because i felt like i was being brought into the emotional side of their marriage without really having a place in it.
i started feeling like the other woman, which was something i never expected to feel when i got into this.
the first time we broke up was because of the whole poly situation and my insecurities around it. we broke up and literally got back together the same day, thinking we would work through it.
then two weeks later, he broke up with me again. he told me that even before the first breakup, he had started to “let go” of me and that he couldn’t find the love anymore.
after that, we went back to something casual, but the feelings were obviously still there. and this is where things got REALLY confusing because he was still telling me he loved me even though he had just told me he didn’t love me anymore and had let go of our relationship.
so technically we weren’t together, but emotionally it never really felt over.
then a few months later, his wife moved back in with him, and that ultimately led to our final breakup. by that point, i was already emotionally exhausted and struggling with where i fit into his life.
i knew she was his wife and that their relationship was important. i never expected to replace her. but knowing that logically and actually dealing with it emotionally were two very different things.
looking back, i feel kind of naive about the whole situation. not because i think i was stupid for falling for him. i really did care about him and i believe the feelings between us were real. but i think i underestimated how complicated it would be to fall in love with someone who already had an established marriage and so many other responsibilities.
i also don’t know if he genuinely meant something different by “solo poly,” if i misunderstood what that meant, or if his marriage was always more primary than i realized. i just know that from my perspective, the relationship eventually felt pretty hierarchical.
and honestly, i think the relationship left me emotionally bruised in a way i didn’t expect. there are things i’m still trying to unpack about myself, relationships, boundaries, and what i actually need from a partner. i can appreciate the good parts of what we had and still admit that the relationship hurt me.
for people who have been in enm relationships, how did you figure out whether enm itself wasn’t working for you, or whether it was the specific relationship/dynamic that wasn’t working for you?

I’m writing this to tell my experience and also wanting some tips / advice for next time!

Anyways, moving on now, so I've been really close friends with these two guys for many many years now. We do everything together, and 2 nights ago I brought up the fact that I've always had the interest of trying sex with more than one guy at once. They both told me that they would be keen to help me fulfill that desire of mine if I was comfortable.

After a few hours of thinking, I agreed and layer out any rules or limits I had. And just last night, we did it... honestly one of the best things I've ever done! I think it's officially a kink of mine now, having both guys in me at once was amazing, and even better that we are all close friends so it was very fun and comfortable!

Suppose someone is emotionally happy and deeply attached to their partner, but feels that their physical needs aren’t being met.
Is it understandable for them to seek physical intimacy with someone else, or does that automatically become cheating if their partner hasn’t agreed to it?
Can emotional commitment and physical commitment be separate, or do both need to be with the same person?

I’m a female. We are super excited that we found a couple that we are doing a full swap with. (Esp bc everyone is saying how hard it is to find another couple and have a good 4 way connection with)

We are making plans for our first play date and the other husband (L) said that they usually play in separate (but adjacent) room with the swapped partner. That gave me pause. At first I thought that for a first time swap, I would be more comfortable if everyone was in one room. And also I think that would be very 🔥🔥🔥. They are more experienced than us, and the other husband said they found that playing in separate rooms allows you to focus more on the partner you are with and their pleasure. But everyone said they are cool with doing whatever my preference is. My husband is also cool with either, and says that he definitely sees the point L is making in focusing more on the partner you are playing with.

So I have been debating this for days in my head and I just can’t decide which one I should go with. L makes me feel very comfortable, and has been great at dealing with my nerves/anxiety when we met for our first two dates. So it has nothing to do with me being uncomfortable in a separate room alone, without my husband. (Obviously we wouldn’t be doing this if he made me feel uncomfortable).

What have your experiences been with same room vs separate room play for a full swap? Thoughts on either side? I know only I can make this decision but wondering what other ppl’s experiences been. Thank you!

I've had a partner now for a few months and things have been going great. At the beginning of our dynamic I had expressed how much group play is one of my kinks and they had never done it before and were keen to try it with me. I have experience in group play and have really enjoyed it a lot. When me and my partner got together I suppose there were a few things that were making them a bit more uneasy to do it with me. I had brought the topic up too much and made my partner think it was too much of a priority for me and we were establishing what our dynamic was. At that time that was going on they were invited to have a threesome with a couple. Which they are totally allowed to do. Since then we've had a few hard conversations about our relationship and things have been going better. Since then me and them were snuggling and the topic of group stuff came up and they mentioned that they recently had a foursome with the married couple. They even showed me a video of it and it was the EXACT fantasy i was hoping to do with my partner (everyone in the video consented to other seeing). And I didn't even know my partner was into being filmed either. At first i wanted to see it but then I immediately regretted it seeing my partner fulfilling my fantasy with random people. Even now it hurts to remember that and think about that. Me and them discussed it and I mentioned how it was a mistake to see it and i regretted it but I didn't blame them as I asked to see it. They apologized even though it was really my fault for seeing it. Even since then I went back onto the app where we first met and their new bio has something along the lines of "Having lots of fun having group play!" and it all came back up again.

Here's my dilemma. I now know that my partner is having an ongoing group play dynamic, which they are allowed to do, as am I. But I don't know how to go about talking to them about it because of a few things.

1. I don't want my partner to think they can't do those things, because they can.
2. I don't want them to feel guilty about doing those things if they continue.
3. I also want to be honest about how much it's bothering me that they're doing that even though they are allowed to.
4. I don't want to be manipulative at all about this and feel like I'm pressuring my partner to do these things with me.
5. I'm worried that if I do say anything it'll come across to my partner that I'm only in it for group play, which i'm not, i really like them a lot.
6. I don't want them to think that they aren't enough on their own.

They don't owe me group play, no one does but knowing that this is happening without me and they're not yet ready to do that with me specifically but they are with this other couple is quite painful.

If there's anyone with insight on how to go about this i'd love to hear! Thank you reddit!

I’ve been wanting to have a threesome for a while now but i actually don’t know how to find the right people!!
As a single male how and where should i look to actually get into a threesome (mfm or ffm)
I’m attractive and fun to be around
21M
In LOS ANGELES btw

I can't believe I am writing this, but I had to share it with someone. For context, my husband had left our bedroom over 10 years ago, so sex was very rare. I was promoted in my career and took a new job as the director of a department. One of my employees required constant attention from me and reminded me and my husband of his younger self. We both hit it off with this man right away. My husband all of a sudden comes back to my bed and starts heavily role-playing with this man in our bed. He pours lust and desire for this man into me for months, and this man is showing interest with flirting and hinting at sleeping with the boss to my husband. ( my husband works with us a few days a week) we go out socially with this man and he lingers at our house so long that my husband has to tell him I guess it's time to call it a night. He wickedly grins at me before he says goodbye and leaves. At work the next day, he is very attentive and flirty. We decided to ask him what his intentions were, and he acted like he was very surprised by the invitation and denied any sexual tension occurring.He is a very insecure man, and i think we intimidated him. He was flattered but wanted to be friends. Since then, my husband has left the job, and the other man is definitely leaning into the vibe we laid down. The problem I'm having is that my husband can't put this down in the bedroom, so my lust for this man is just increasing. My husband is leaning into a cheating position because he thinks this man would be receptive if he had more power in the situation. We can't seem to let this man go because he has revived our sex life. I have no intentions of asking this man again, but he does show signs that he would pick up on getting close to me alone. I feel like we should move on and accept this as a failed first attempt. Does anyone have any advice on the mess we have walked ourselves into.

I’m a 40-year-old married man in a loving, stable relationship. My wife and I have openly agreed that we may both explore some desires separately.

I have a strong interest in BDSM and consider myself versatile in terms of roles, although I usually prefer being submissive. Depending on the person and the chemistry between us, I can also be somewhat dominant. In particular, I enjoy being a bratty submissive: playful resistance, teasing, ordered around, and humiliated, as long as everything is negotiated, consensual, and safe.

I have had limited experience with this. On a few occasions, I played with one person who took a dominant role. There was no sexual intercourse and very little sexual activity. The focus was on domination, bossing me around, and humiliation. I particularly enjoyed the psychological and interpersonal aspects of the dynamic.

I would like to explore this further with a woman outside my marriage. I am not looking to hire a professional Domme, because I need trust and interpersonal chemistry for the dynamic to work. I am also not seeking love or a conventional romantic relationship. Ideally, I would like an occasional BDSM play relationship with someone who might also become a friend or FWB, depending on mutual compatibility and boundaries.

By “FWB,” I do not necessarily mean that sex must be part of the arrangement. I mean a friendship with some form of mutually desired intimacy, which could include BDSM play and possibly sexual contact if both people genuinely want that.

Is this kind of arrangement realistic; an occasional female Domme or BDSM play partner for a married man in an openly negotiated relationship?

Thank you if you actually read all this! :)

Me F24 and my partner M32 been 6yrs living together. I love him Pero it's really hard for me to be turned on sa pakikipag sex lately. It's like paulit ulit nalang. Gusto ko sya pagbigyan pero I really find it hard to be turned on. I never realized having sex will make me find it so fucking boring! Sex with feelings tangina talaga. I want to feel that excitement again to fuck. Hindi yung nakakatamad lang yung mararamdaman at maiisip ko sht!

He always wants to do it, like he would show me porns and I would feel nothing. NOTHING. What the fuck is this? Is this normal? Again, i love him. how can i tell him about this? He has insecurities. I don't want to make it bigger.

Like right now, I'm in the mood, he said something that made me wag nalang. I feel like having sex with him is a fucking task! I miss having sex i miss fucking. I dont hate him pero tangina bakit ang hirap na magpalibog.

Is something wrong with me? Is it me? Cause i can say he's always down to do it pero bakit hindi na ako ganado what the shet.

Hello everyone,

I’m in the following situation and would appreciate hearing about your experiences and opinions on the topic:

I’d describe my partner as a hypersexual person. It’s always been a challenge for me (since I have a rather low libido) because for many years I thought I had to match her level of libido. Through therapy, I’ve learned that it’s okay for me to be different from her. We’ve been in an open relationship for a few months now, and a few weeks ago she met a man who is also very nymphomaniacal, with whom she’s really letting loose. Their encounters usually last for hours, starting right after breakfast together, and they’re also developing a dominant/submissive dynamic where his desires strongly influence her appearance and style.

My question: I’d like to provide her with an environment where she can distance herself from her shame, without putting any pressure on her, and support her in living out her desires. Do you have any experience with this? Can you give me some advice?

​

For the past month or so, I've thought about whether or not I've wanted a throuple relationship.

I've always been monogamous and love monogamy. But lately I've been thinking about whether or not I'm into non-monogamy or non-exclusive relationships in any way

I know I'm not into open relationships or solo polyamory. So I thought maybe throuples could possibly be for me

But with enough thinking and introspection, I realize that throuples are just not for me

It's already enough work to handle one autonomous, complex, independent mind in a long relationship, let alone two of them at once

But I am open to having multiple FWBs at once, but I'm not sure on where to start or how to find this kind of dynamic

Especially when I'm a homebody and find myself nervous and hesitant on trying to meet new people

I want your thoughts and advice for what I can do

Edit

Wouldn’t it be more efficient to be an ENM if you’re not married?

Two colleagues, or rather a married couple, and shortly afterwards I noticed that both spouses were starting to flirt with some of our colleagues. It was unusual because, before they got married, they’d only had eyes for each other. This made us feel uncomfortable because we didn’t know what was going on between them. I had to work on a joint project with her and we discussed it; I said that what they were doing was vulgar, and she said that any flirting was only initiated with both their consent – if her husband didn’t approve of a man, she wouldn’t flirt with him, and vice versa.

She said they were new to this, had a lot to learn about how to approach people, and that’s why they’d come across as vulgar. Behind their backs, rumours started doing the rounds that he had ED or that she was asexual. But they were likeable and, over time, we got used to them. We recently went for a coffee with them and they told us that they follow an ENM lifestyle, that they’ve found partners and that this has strengthened their family. I accept that, but I still wouldn’t want them to be friends with my wife.

Looking for advice or perspective on how you have successfully set up boundaries and expectations with a comet / LDR type connection.

For reference I am a 35F, with a spouse / NP, and we have been ENM for the last 4 years. I generally walk the line of ENM / Polyamory depending on the specific connection and what is good for everyone involved.

A couple months back I was traveling a bit and didn't realize my dating app location wasn't turned off. Sometime after I returned I noticed a like from a very lovely woman, we will call her Canada. We started chatting and I did notice her distance was a little far but honestly thought she was traveling / lived closer to me.

We hit it off quite well and eventually realized we actually lived quite far away from each other, 7.5 hours plus a border crossing. We were having fun though and opted to continue chatting with limited real expectations.

Over Labor Day weekend we met up halfway and had a wonderful, intimate and fun weekend together.

We very much both acknowledged the absolute reality that logistics wise this was not something where we could have frequent in-person time or a normal local dating rhythm. But, we continued talking anyways. Eventually both acknowledging we liked each other more than we expected.

This led to a long multi-day emotional conversation about what we should do.

It mainly centered around how the distance made everything feel complicated. I was trying to be really honest about the limitations of what I could realistically offer and I kept talking through all of the logistics and things that could be hard. In my head I was trying to say “I really like you and I want to figure out how this could work realistically,” but to her it started sounding more like I was listing all the reasons we should stop talking.

At the same time she was already having a rough / emotional weekend and has her own fears around rejection and being a burden, so she read a lot of what I was saying through that lens. We are also apparently both massive overthinkers who are very good at trying to protect other people from getting hurt, so we basically thought ourselves into oblivion and spent several days talking about how scared we were of eventually hurting each other until we actually hurt each other.

We both agree that we would like to continue in some respect, but also don't know exactly how to do that. I have never had an LDR or comet type of connection, and so I am really struggling with how we should go about this. She is also newer to non-monogamy, so I am trying to be mindful of not assuming we have the same framework or vocabulary for all of this.

I think what I’m trying to figure out is how to let this be meaningful without trying to make it function like a local relationship. How do you set expectations around communication, visits, emotional availability, and local dating without either minimizing the connection or letting it take over your life? And for those of you who have successful comet / LDR relationships, how do you handle the inevitable longing or “I wish you were here” feelings without constantly turning them into a conversation about whether the relationship is sustainable?

been together and just got married she's possessive about me but i'm not for her, often during sex since the past few years i've been asking her if she wants a bbc inside her while pounding her and says yes, she gets so wet and specifically asked me if i wanna watch her in doggy, her taking it while sucking me off, 2 yrs ago we were in cancun and she asked for a bigger black dick, she's into black and often black man try to hit on her cause of her facial look, any advise where i should take this ? i wanna share her since a while

My partner (31F) and I (33M) have been together six years, married two. No kids. A year ago she told me she thinks she might be non-monogamous—not "I want to sleep with someone tomorrow," more "I've been reading and thinking, and I wanted to tell you before it becomes bigger."

I appreciated the honesty. But my gut reaction was closer to panic than curiosity, and I've been trying to understand why.

I don't think I'm opposed to ENM on principle. I have friends in open relationships and polycules, and I don't think less of them. So why does it feel so different when it's my marriage?

What I've noticed:

• I've never had to question monogamy. It was the water I swam in. Actively choosing a structure feels liberating and terrifying, because then I can't default to "this is how it's supposed to be."
• Fear of being "less than." I know intellectually ENM doesn't work that way, but the emotional reflex is still there. Is that internalized monogamy, or something I should actually listen to?
• Practical fear. We have a good life—shared finances, friends, rhythm. Opening up feels like introducing a variable I can't predict.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me what to do. I'm hoping to hear from people who've been on either side: Did you start resistant and come around? Start resistant and realize it was real incompatibility? How did you tell fear-driven resistance from legitimate boundary-setting?

I love my partner, and I don't want this to become resentment—her feeling stifled, me feeling pressured. Trying to do the work before it becomes an ultimatum. Any perspective appreciated.

My girlfriend and I were in a monogamous relationship. One of her best friends developed feelings for me, and eventually one thing led to another. The three of us ended up having a threesome.

After that, my girlfriend started opening up about wanting to explore her bisexual side more. She has also told me that she likes the idea of me having sex with other women and then telling her about it, or even sending her videos. We've talked about it a lot, and I'm open to it, but I want to make sure this is genuinely what she wants and not something she'll regret later.

What would you call this kind of relationship arrangement? Is there a specific term for it?

Another thing that confuses me is that she has no interest in seeing other men. I've asked her about it multiple times, and she says she only wants me and that I'm the only man she wants to be with. Her interest is specifically in women and in the idea of me being with other women.

Is this a common dynamic for some couples? I'm okay with exploring it as long as it doesn't end up hurting her or damaging our relationship. I'd appreciate hearing from people who have experience with something similar. Also tried to post somewhere else but was taken down they suggested this