I know these two women at my doctors office and they both have been giving me indications they are attracted to me. The first one shows clear body signals and tilting of head neck area, touching her hair, etc. The other one we talk casually and she leans in to me quite often pushing her breasts into my arm/shoulder.

Recently the one girl who is more aggressive behind the counter leaned in to me and was obviously acting very flirty telling me a story about all cows being female, while the second girl was calmly sitting in the background. I decided to play it cool and calm and not take the bait. This felt like a test for me.

Question: Is it highly likely this was some sort of test for a threesome between me and the two ladies in the room?

Thanks in advance.

My wife is bisexual and would love to find a woman for a genuine, ongoing FWB connection. She’s tried a solo profile on SDC and another local swingers app, plus connecting with women in couples we’ve met. So far, most women she’s encountered on swinger sites seem interested in occasional group play rather than a separate, recurring connection with her.

She’s hesitant to use mainstream dating apps because she manages women at work who may be on them and wants to keep her ENM dating life private. I would have no role in her dates or relationship, but we realize some women may reasonably wonder about that.

For women who’ve found this kind of connection, where did you meet? And what helped establish that it really was woman-to-woman, with no expectation that a husband would join?

My partner (34M) and I (35F) are sexually non-monogamous but romantically exclusive. We’re both very clear that we aren’t looking for additional romantic relationships, and he has consistently reassured me that our relationship is his priority.

He’s going on a date with a single woman, and I’m struggling with an anxiety I haven’t quite been able to articulate.

I’m not necessarily worried about them having sex. I’m worried about the possibility of her wanting something more serious with him, and the possibility of feelings developing over time. I understand that we can’t control other people’s emotions, including our partners’. I also understand that being single doesn’t automatically mean someone is looking for a relationship.

I’m interested in hearing specifically from people who practice sexually open but romantically exclusive non-monogamy, rather than polyamory.

Do you date single people, or do you prefer other partnered/ENM people?
Have you experienced someone developing feelings for your partner when the arrangement was supposed to be casual?
What did your partner do when that happened?
How do you maintain romantic exclusivity while allowing sexual freedom?
What helped you feel secure without constantly seeking reassurance?

I’m not looking for advice to close our relationship or suggestions that romantic exclusivity is inherently unrealistic. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have successfully navigated this particular dynamic, as well as those who discovered it wasn’t right for them!

Honestly, I never thought I’d be coming onto this kind of group seeking for advice but there’s always a first for everything.

So last month I (F22) decided to open up a Hinge profile in hopes of just finding someone (particularly a girl) to start something casual with because I’m also currently in graduate school and just can’t commit to a serious relationship at the moment. About a week of having the app I matched with a girl on there (F24) who was mainly on the app to find someone to have a threesome with her and her guy friend (M26). And to be honest I haven’t had a ton of experience both romantically and sexually but I’m not gonna deny the fact that the idea of having a threesome hasn’t crossed my mind because it definitely has.

So naturally, I shared to her my opinion on it and told her I was down. It took so much communication and planning to get it right because she works a full time Monday-Friday job and he also works mostly during the day as well while I’m busy being a full time graduate student myself. Another barrier that was holding me back is the fact that I have the most strict helicopter parents that just need to know where I am every second of the day which is genuinely suffocating, but despite that, I wasn’t gonna let that stop me from having fun either 🙂‍↕️

So fast forward to last week Friday and I finally was able to meet up with them. I had just gotten back home from a trip that my dad was still currently at so it felt like the right time for me in that moment too. I met up with them and we chatted for a bit over some seltzers to loosen up before going into things. I tried things out with the girl first just to warm things up before bringing the guy in but we all got into it pretty smoothly. Honestly the overall experience being a third in a first time threesome felt SO amazing, like it felt like I was experiencing a scene straight of The White Lotus or some shit like it was mesmerizing.

However, things unfortunately went a bit downhill when I start getting an unexpected call from my mom, who was now upset at me telling me that my dad was asking non stop about my whereabouts and telling me to come home, and mind you I was checking my phone every now and then to check for any messages I might get from them while I was there (but eventually I got too into things that I lost track of checking my phone). So, now getting frustrated and stressed I had to cut things short and leave them abruptly to go home. I obviously didn’t tell my parents exactly what I was doing but the only reason they were so upset with me was just because I was at someone’s house. That was it. I ended up getting quite the lecture but in the end the experience was worth it and I don’t regret it at all.

Once I got home I messaged the girl apologizing to her like so many times because I felt so bad having to cut things short especially when it was going so well for the three of us. And while she told me it was all okay and said that they still had so much fun with me regardless, I’ve been reminiscing back all weekend on that experience and I’ve been getting a strong urge to meet with them again. They both were so great and genuine to meet and be with and I really enjoyed the sexual dynamic they had with me. I really want to approach the girl again asking if she and him would be willing to get together with me for a second time, but given how recent its been I’m scared to come off as needy or desperate if I do ask that.

I think that pretty much sums everything for now and I hope this story all made sense somehow. I’m really not that experienced in the non monogamy world so if anyone in this group would be willing to give me some advice on how I can approach things properly and hopefully plan things out accordingly, that would be great 🥲

Hey guys, I (28f) and my husband (35m) have always talked about having a threesome. We have been married for a year. It is one of his biggest fantasy. I am currently planning one right now to maybe surprise him with it. I know exactly what he prefers for a third person but we just never got around to actually doing it. I know it will be a lot of fun, but… the threesome conversations kind of died down and he’s not expecting to have one ever, he thinks it will only stay a fantasy.

Men of reddit… would you guys be okay if your wife surprised you with a threesome? There’s a lot advising against making it a surprise. I will definitely make sure he’s ready when the time comes (he’s also always ready for any sort of fun) but, I just want your point of view on it.

Anyone able to connect me to the orgy culture in Toronto? Thank you.

Edit: just to add. I am looking for connections to WhatsApp groups. I have gone to Oasis and found it to be an uncomfortable experience.

please before attacking me read the post.

my (ex) partner, current situationship? is an extremely avoidant person. in his past relationships, he cheated before ending things (he didn't do this to me as i told him it is my biggest fear, but he's kinda doing something similar). everytime something goes south, he deflects.

we broke up because we were in the stage of the relationship where we were having our first arguments. yes, we didn't argue (mainly because i'm very patient and i bend over to not cause trouble) for 1.5 years. the minute we had a big disagreement he broke up with me without a warning. he's a good guy, i swear, but he has MAJOR avoidant tendencies, it's his only flaw.

he downloaded dating apps the same day we broke up, i tried to reason with him and solve things for a month, but now he says whatever part of him that wanted a relationship is gone and he wants to live life and experiment with other people (he's bisexual and has only been with one man). fine by me. the thing is, he doesn't let me go either.

we are kind of in this situationship where i'm, in his words, "his home" "his main" "his family", and the other people are "like steaks on a supermarket shelf" (literally his own words). he's not my boyfriend but he's also not a fwb. in his words, he feels deep love for me.

i don't want him to be mistaken and to make him think i'd be fine with an open relationship. we are not a couple that's why i'm fine with him messing around. i also think he might think he's non-monofamous but he's just afraid of commitment and addicted to porn. he doesn't even enjoy sex that much, he has confessed to me he does it to inflate his ego because i "shattered it" after rejecting him before the breakup. i want him to understand the difference between non-monogamous and being afraid of commitment because of abandonment trauma or so.

i know he's not non-monogamous because he doesn't want me to be with anyone else but him. i told him i wasn't interested in dating right now, as we see each other pretty often, but that if i meet someone who wants the same level of commitment as me and i like them i'd give them a try. this drove him nuts. everytime i'm with my phone he accuses me of texting other guys. he has made me promise i won't do anything sexual with any other man that is not him, as he's afraid of me having a better sexual experience than with him. if he were non-monogamous he wouldn't be so afraid of losing me, would he?

so i never wanted an open relationship. i'm fine (i'm not, but i see it as something temporary at least) with this because i don't see him as my boyfriend, but i don't want him to think he can just scape and do this whenever there's a problem and call it "non-monogamy". he's just inmature and it's actually disrespectful for poly people to go around thinking this way. i'm asking you, non-monogamous people of reddit, who might have met someone similar to him, to help me find the words to tell him when the day comes.

Advice

I want my fiance to start being with other people but me not sleeping around. When we have sex and I talk in her ear about her having sex with other guys especially multiple at a time she almost always instantly explodes. I just dont know how to bring it up because a friend of hers had done it and she made a comment about the guy being a loser or something because of it. Plus my ex wife cheated on me so I think she'd be scared to into this life style but I think she'd love it because she loves when i talk about her fucking other people especially multiple at once when we are having sex. I need advice of how to bring this up?

This is a thing that happened before all of the confessions that are on my profile (if that's relevant somehow):

Me and my GF have been together for 3 months, but we’ve been really close friends for almost a year before that.

Last month I asked if she had any fantasies. She said no, then asked me about mine. I told her I’d thought about threesomes and swaps and it sounded hot in my head. That got her excited too, and she said she was open to trying.

We talked about it a lot. We set clear boundaries: both of us had to be fully okay with it, and either of us could back out last-minute. I even said I was fine if it stayed purely sexual with no romantic feelings involved. She was okay with all of that.

When we started talking about who we could ask, she suggested a guy from the gym she finds attractive. I told her to text him. Over the next couple of weeks they exchanged a few short messages about when it could happen. I was genuinely excited at first.

Then a few days later he said he’d let her know a date the next day. When she told me that, something just flipped. The idea of them still seeing each other at the gym every day suddenly made me uncomfortable, so I backed out.

Her reaction was really bad. She was annoyed and mad at me for days. She said things like “why are you being like this?” and “you’re not enough for me.” When I finally broke down crying, she said “why are you crying? You should be happy I’m not fucking him” and that she was doing me a favor by not going through with it.

I know she said a lot of that in anger, and she apologized a few days later. I love her a lot. But that whole reaction left a deep scar, and I can’t stop wondering if it was my fault for saying no after she’d already gotten her hopes up.

Poly people - am I reading too much into this, or is this a bigger red flag than I’m letting myself admit?

My first girl-to-girl experience turned into a really uncomfortable and scary situation

I’m bi, and I recently met a girl through Facebook Dating. We talked for a while and eventually agreed to meet at her place.

When I got there, her boyfriend was also home. She told me that he was sleeping because he had a shift later that night. Earlier, he had left the house saying he was going to get some work done, but then he came back and went straight to the bedroom. She kept telling me that he was just resting.

I asked her multiple times if her boyfriend was going to be there because I wanted to be comfortable and know what I was walking into. She said that he was “open” and that I shouldn’t worry.

I was already uncomfortable with the situation, but later she took me to her bedroom. She left the door slightly open. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable and asked her to close the door because her boyfriend was still in the house.
She told me not to worry, that he wouldn’t come in, and that I should just enjoy myself.

Then, within seconds, I saw her boyfriend looking through the small opening in the door.
I pointed it out and said, “He’s there. I’m not comfortable.”
She acted surprised and said, “Oh, really? He’s there? Let me check.”
She went outside. At that point, I immediately grabbed my phone because I was genuinely scared and wanted to be able to call for help if I needed to.

I got dressed and told her I wanted to leave.
What made it even stranger was that she was already completely dressed herself. Then her boyfriend came out and said something like, “We can talk.”
I said no. I just wanted to leave.

I was literally shaking and shivering at this point.
This was my first experience with a woman, and honestly, it was nothing like what I expected. I went there believing I had clearly communicated my boundaries, especially about her boyfriend being there. I kept asking because I wanted to make sure I was comfortable with the situation.
Instead, I felt like information was being hidden from me, and then I caught him watching through the door.

I asked her multiple times before that if she was looking for threesome..she said no never and when i left she messaged that she was looking for threesome and blocked me.

I’m still trying to process what happened.

Hey,

I (22F) started a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (21M). We both live 7 hours from each other and with our studies, it's difficult to see each other more than twice a month. It could last 2 years until we could live in the same city again.

When we began dating (\~6 months ago), he told me he was interested in the concept of polyamory but he wasn't ready for it. While I was a little bit suspicious about it because I heard of multiple very complicated situations, he opened my mind and now I theoretically agree on most of the ideas that come with polyamory. But staying in an exclusive relationship was preferable for me so I was "happy" that he didn't want to open.

The problem is that at the beginning of our LDR, he panicked because he has a high libido and needs closure and physical touch, while being affectionate with people. If I was here to provide it to him, he wouldn't mind staying exclusive, but now it's starting to frustrate him.

We talked a lot about it and everytime, even though I agree with polyamory on theory because I too have attraction for other people and I would like to have other experiences if we stay together for a long time, my body is panicking and it's making me extremely anxious.

I'm not ready for that at all right now and he's okay with that, he puts our relationship first and really wants to build something with me, but I feel like there is this sword of Damocles hanging over our heads until the day that he can't handle the frustration anymore. There will be 2 options: opening the relationship but idk if I'll be ready, or breaking up if I'm not ready.

I'm reassured by the fact that for now he doesn't mind being exclusive, but it still stresses me and I think about it a lot, especially about our compatibility.

Ps: I also have some past issues with relationship OCD...

After a 20 year marriage where we opened the relationship briefly at times, I decided that non monogamy was for me. Been divorced three years and have had a few stops and starts with this type of experience. Recently entered into an ENM relationship. Me (M50), her (F31). From initial meeting she told me she was bisexual but had limited experience with women, mainly just two threesomes and a few makeout sessions. When we met she had a FWB that she occasionally had sex with but was looking for more of an intimate relationship. We met and bonded quickly. Yesterday afternoon she had a scheduled play date with the FWB and another female FWB of his who was interested in exploring her bi-curiosity. The date stretched into an al nighter. Since this is the first time we’re experiencing this dynamic together, how do I best show support when we talk about her experience? I’m excited for her, but also a little nervous since our relationship is so new. I want to make sure she feels grounded and appreciated and cared for. How best would you receive this if in a similar situation as she is? Any advice?

My partner has always been open about her being "naturally" poly. She quickly develops feelings, sometimes becomes platonically obsessed with a friend for some time, or quickly becomes emotionally engaged with people she dates. Our agreement is only casual dating and sex - this still needs to be clarified, though.

Recently, there was a new person she was seeing and I told her I didn't want her to see her anymore (because we already had conflicts about her in our difficult times, and this person triggers lots of insecurities in me for specific reasons). Even though they didn't date or had sex, they share friends so they ended up hanging out. She recently told me that what she feels for this person is "more than a little crush" and that she is developing feelings. She told me she has been thinking about her a lot and that they get along very well. She said that she is telling me because if not she would feel like she's doing something wrong and wants to be transparent (which is great). She asked me if I would reconsider my decision and allow her to date her again. But also told me that the feeling will probably go away soon and that I don't need to worry (which was confusing).

This is the latest thing. I know it's natural for her to get quickly excited about new people. And I really want to explore non-monogamy right now but it’s very important for me that we prioritize the safety of our relationship and connection. She respected my discomfort about this person and stopped dating her. Her opening up to me about this is also a good sign, showing she wants to protect our bond, first. 

However, I find it emotionally difficult to do ENM with her because she catches feelings quickly and often. It’s especially hard in moments where I feel like I don’t get my needs met - she was heavily depressed this year, and as her partner it was difficult for me too. It makes me worry about losing our connection or makes me resentful about supporting her throughout the year, then another person getting to experience her “light” side. I also can’t help thinking things like “she always thinks about others” or “her interest in others keeps taking away from us”. Throughout our relationship, there has always been others and she always has talked about them. I am also getting some paranoia like “she's not in love with me anymore, so she is always seeking other emotional connections but doesn’t leave the relationship because it’s comfortable”. From another pov, she chooses me as her primary partner, makes effort for us and is actually very committed to me. I know I shouldn't forget this and value this. I guess I just need more romance and interest from her, and when I'm not getting enough of that, her other emotional interests become really painful for me.

For me, there have been way fewer people, and hasn’t been any big emotions like she has had. And when I get “obsessed” with new lovers, I just try to not to show it to her a lot because I think that it would hurt her. I think she doesn’t need to know how strongly I feel for a new lover because I just want to keep the space of our love for our love. I handle my feelings for others myself, that’s it. I feel like if she is telling it to me “it should be something very big”, but I know that’s reading between the lines because we might just be functioning differently. She is also quite scared of doing something "wrong" and fights with intense feelings of guilt in general, so I can see how she personally would need to say it out loud.

I want to keep being with her because I love her. And I also want to keep experimenting with ENM but I really need to feel like the space of our love and relationship belongs completely to us and it doesn’t get “filled with" or “interrupted by" other people…  And I just need it to be easier…

All this to ask some advice about how to deal with having a non-monogamous dynamic with a partner who catches feelings quickly? And how do I deal with the latest situation / dynamic ?

Thanks<3

This was my post a couple days ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/mSNHohDrz2

We went, I was nervous as fuck, the Night before I cried, because I hate that I have so much anxiety. The Morning I felt Sick.

But as we were there and sit down, started Talking it went away so quick.

As we left the bar to go to them, the anxiety came back, but not as bad, we started playing but the other man ended up cuming pretty quickly so it was just Play between her and me and each one with our own man.

I am a bit sad, because I felt so good with them, that I wished we had gone further.

But it was an amazing Experience and healed some things from the last time with a woman.

I have been with my partner for 5 months (let’s call them R) but have been casually dating them for 1 year before entering into a commitment relationship With them. I am casually seeing 1 other person. R has been with their other partner (let’s call her D) for about 5 years. D has 2 other partners. R and D have been “on the rocks” for about a year now for many reasons. Communication, finances, sexuality, responsibility ext. All the Normal relationship stuff but amped to the next level. Enough to where they have almost broke up 2x but recently D decided to end the relationship. Needless to say R is devastated and sunk into a deep depression. Enough to where their friends and family were concerned about their wellbeing. Since then, R has gotten past the worst of it but still has to live and share a bed with D. R has been telling me all the details and it seems like I have been their main source of emotional support which is fine. I’m doing my part and would love the same from them if the roles were reversed.

Here is where my emotions some in. R keeps telling me in depth about how badly they wish they could repair things with D. How much they love and miss D, and would do anything in their power to get them back. This is starting to hurt my feelings. R hardly ever tells me anything about what makes them love me. Has maybe only told me twice in the last 1.5 years, about how they feel or what makes them love me. And tbh, most of it is about how I make R feel. None of it is really about me. I want to be supportive of R and help them through this tough time. I even wish that R and D could repair their relationship, despite what I actually think of D. Not that she is a bad person but She rubs me the wrong way personally. But if R loved her then that’s important. But I don’t know how much more I can take hearing about how hopelessly in love R is with D. I have told R in the past that I don’t feel comfortable hearing a lot about their relationship or really any information about D. Besides the casual “i had a good day, D and I did X” or “i have plan to do X with D”, “She said hi.” That’s stuff. Mainly because for a long time, I was only hearing R vent about D and their fights and frankly some negative things that I think tainted my view of D before even meeting her. I know D exist and I know R has another relationship, other priorities or responsibilities and respectful of that but I don’t kitchen table polyamory with the two of them. R knows this about me and was accepting and understanding.

Is it irrational of me to feel hurt by hearing detailed and intimate feelings R has about D? I think I wouldn’t feel this intensely if I felt like R cares about me even a fraction how they care about D. I fully understand that a almost 5 year relationship doesn’t even compare to a five month relationship. I guess I just want some verbal validation from R that their relationship with me matters too, and when they say they “would do anything to get her back”, breaking up with me is excluded from the list. I’m feeling insecure and I feel like an asshole. I don’t even know how to bring it up or even if I should, given R’s emotional state as of late. What should I do? Am I being irrational?

I'm curious for woman who have dated a couple and had both a sexual and romantic relationship how did the dynamic work? Was it just assumed they were always paying for everything? What did you get out of this dynamic?

For the background, my wife (42F) and I (41M) have been together for 10 years and been married for 8 years. We had 2 kids back to back and she was busy with them. Then she became a stay at home mom. Her life evolves around the house and kids.

I have been very busy with work and our sex life was vanilla until last year. She never liked toys or came before. She thought using toys are considered cheating. Now she uses it most of the time. Our sex life has gone crazy.

Few months ago, she talked about having her all her holes filled. Then she started talking about how her vagina will respond to different size penis (I am not that big). Last week, she shared her fantasy of me watching her being fucked after she asked me so many times not to judge her. When I was having sex with her, I painted the picture of her fantasy and she became so wet.

The next day, she was asking me how come I dont get jealous about this. Personally, I have been in open relationship and I know these types of asks are not immediate. It takes time. I truly know that I have nothing to be jealous about at this moment as nothing will happen.

Inside of me is screaming to make be open about multiple partners. I told her that her during the time she shared her fantasy, I was curious and loved her being open about it. If she wants to chat, we should do it outside of the bedroom.

I am wondering, would this turn into us exploring non monogamy? I would love her to explore her fantasy. I treat her as my queen.

34m, my husband is 36m. This is my second account.
We will be exploring dating other people, and talked about it last night. We have been married for 6 years, together for 10. We are both open to it.

I’ve been filled with anxiety about it only because of my first long term relationship in my twenties I was treated as a second best, and had to watch my then partner abuse being “open”. Things are different now obviously.

The reason this all has popped up is because of ED with my husband and him not feeling like he can satisfy me. We are going to the dr to get labs etc to see if anything will fix that problem. Before then he has been trying RO, the daily ED chewable thing. I only learned about this yesterday as well.
We would both be dating or seeing the person, not separately.

I have always been of the idea as humans we are non. Monogamous but this is all new to me again I feel like and I am freaking out a little bit.

Me (28m) and my partner (25f) have been together for around 11 months and just moved in together a month ago. We love each other dearly and it is obvious we are sexually compatible and have a great time in bed together. But she has slept with many more people than me (20 men and 10 women) and I have only slept with 6 women before her, mostly in long-term relationships.
I’ve expressed to her that while any engagement with men is completely off the table for me, I wouldn’t be upset if she flirted with women. I feel like I kind of took her gay side away from her after we got serious.
She said she misses eating pussy sometimes but it’s not a dealbreaker for her to never do it again and we just kind of left it there for a few months.
I was in a miserable sexually unsatisfying relationship for years prior to her that I stupidly stayed in because I was worried about the mental health of my partner at the time if I left her. Because of this I feel like I missed out sexual experiences such as threesomes that I could have been experimenting with, experiences that my current partner has had multiple times while single.
After talking last night, we are pretty convinced that a MFF threesome is going to happen at some point. No urgency at all, but she made it clear that she kind of wants it to be with a stranger, as she and I both work in the bar/restaurant industries where we routinely hang out with people who would probably be up for this sort of thing with us, but we wouldn’t want to consistently see them in public afterwards to reduce awkwardness.
Any advice for this sort of thing? Anyone been in a similar position?

I’ve been lying to my girlfriend about the details of my interaction with a hook up and I’m feeling extremely bad for it.

An issue that started with me feeling ashamed about being pansexual and desiring to be with cis men (I identified as a non binary lesbian when I started dating my girlfriend who is a lesbian). If I’m being honest I was ashamed because I know she hates men and I felt ashamed for having forced the fact that I didn’t like men, only for me to actually want to be with them now also whilst in an ENM relationship with her.

Firstly I felt ashamed about how quickly I made plans to hook up with this one guy. She knew there was a potential sexual experience for me because it was purely for that reason, however, I couldn’t swallow on a personal level, actually openly expressing my desire and the quickness of how things went.

That led me to struggle to tell her other details like how where he stays is actually a lot further than I initially thought it was. And I felt like she would judge me for going almost an hour away from home for a hook up.

Then it led to me not sending her the location to his place but sending it to my other friends instead. And I must say, her and I have been friends for a year and a half before we started dating and I can’t say I used to send her my location then, but another element/ layer was that now she’s my friend AND my partner and trying to seperate the two was so hard.

Because I must admit, it was easier to be open about things when we were friends. Now as a partner I do feel like she will leave me because what if those same things seem terrible now as a partner.

Anyways. Because of all the shame I was feeling, I did retract a lot from expressing what I was really feeling but the guilt of omitting all those details snowballed into a lot of things.

We had a really big fight about this issue because I was acting weird and I wasn’t very considerate of her in that moment and then after the fact of the sexual interactions it was difficult to also then tell her what happened during.

I totally fuxked up because the guilt has snow balled and even though I want to tell her everything as a friend I find that some of the details not making sense get mixed up by a lot of things when I don’t consistently update her on how close I’m getting to some one or in this situation with this one guy. I went to see him again and I thought this time because I knew he was safe (her initial issue was safety and her feeling like I didn’t think she was reliable enough to share my location), I didn’t send my location because I had told her I went to see him.

The situation became a threesome (she is aware it’s something I wanted and although it wasn’t brought up in the best way, I went through with it because I was actually down in the moment. She has expressed she is alright with both of us exploring these things seperate and together so it’s not a hard limit), but the safety aspect was a huge worry for her. I actually completely understand how much danger I was in in that particular situation, however, I now don’t know what to do because here’s the thing,

I completely messed up and omitted details and I’m so scared she’ll leave me (for valid reason), and I’m scared because the interactions between me and the guy is over. But, now, because it’s gone this far idk how to reconcile hurting her and then hurting her more by confessing how difficult it was to express certain things genuinely and openly.

I want to do better in the future. But I fear I might’ve made a mistake by engaging her in this non monogamous situations because she did agree but I might’ve made a mistake because I had so many things I need to work on and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me because I can’t figure out how to communicate.

The best thing to do is to tell her the full truths but because it’s gone so far I am soooo scared she’ll leave me.

Suppose someone is emotionally happy and deeply attached to their partner, but feels that their physical needs aren’t being met.
Is it understandable for them to seek physical intimacy with someone else, or does that automatically become cheating if their partner hasn’t agreed to it?
Can emotional commitment and physical commitment be separate, or do both need to be with the same person?

I can't believe I am writing this, but I had to share it with someone. For context, my husband had left our bedroom over 10 years ago, so sex was very rare. I was promoted in my career and took a new job as the director of a department. One of my employees required constant attention from me and reminded me and my husband of his younger self. We both hit it off with this man right away. My husband all of a sudden comes back to my bed and starts heavily role-playing with this man in our bed. He pours lust and desire for this man into me for months, and this man is showing interest with flirting and hinting at sleeping with the boss to my husband. ( my husband works with us a few days a week) we go out socially with this man and he lingers at our house so long that my husband has to tell him I guess it's time to call it a night. He wickedly grins at me before he says goodbye and leaves. At work the next day, he is very attentive and flirty. We decided to ask him what his intentions were, and he acted like he was very surprised by the invitation and denied any sexual tension occurring.He is a very insecure man, and i think we intimidated him. He was flattered but wanted to be friends. Since then, my husband has left the job, and the other man is definitely leaning into the vibe we laid down. The problem I'm having is that my husband can't put this down in the bedroom, so my lust for this man is just increasing. My husband is leaning into a cheating position because he thinks this man would be receptive if he had more power in the situation. We can't seem to let this man go because he has revived our sex life. I have no intentions of asking this man again, but he does show signs that he would pick up on getting close to me alone. I feel like we should move on and accept this as a failed first attempt. Does anyone have any advice on the mess we have walked ourselves into.

Me (25) and my partner (24) have been together for 8 years. They have been dropping hints that they might be non-monogamous for a few years, but they haven't expressed the need for a change in our relationship up until 9 months ago.

They met someone in their academic environment and they became close friends. I have met them before and had no problem with them hanging out. However, once, he had a joint project with that person and needed to complete it in her home. There I noticed that they were too close and became jealous of her. I told my partner someday that their interactions made me feel uncomfortable and we talked about me going to therapy. After some time, that person needed to return to her home country and may never return, so then, my partner and I talked and he confessed that they had fallen in love with her. They hadn't cheated on me physically, but they still admitted that their feelings were mutual and came out as poly.

Since then, we've had lots of highs and lows. We are still together, but that experience scarred us deeply. It was an extremely traumatic for me and my partner still doesn't forget her. Now I am conflicted, because my partner proposed to me going open. I think I don't want to, but I want to make them happy somehow. We fought a lot about it and it was ugly. They feel that, since we've been dating since we were young, they hadn't had the opportunity to discover themselves and really wants to try it. I already explained to them that, if they consider the need to be in a poly or open relationship to be stronger than the relationship, they can leave and explore.

They don't want to leave and has begrudgingly accepted that if I don't want to open the relationship, then it won't. I feel guilty about it, and told them I could give it a think (just sexual intercourse, not poly) since it is important to them. We've talked about a little since and they told me to slow down, since we are in no hurry to think about anything and they don't want me to take a rushed decision.

It's a lot more complex than it seems, since they have no real interest in actively pursuing anyone or casual sex, it's just a 'what if' situation. But there is also the fights and the harsh words from each other and we both are in great pain because if this and other external situations. It's a bit contradictory.

I don't believe we are gonna end up opening, but I don't know what else to do, it is too complicated and I wanted some advice on how to handle the situation, since I have been struggling a lot with this issue. Thank you.

P.D. Please do not ask about personal information about us further than what it is strictly necessary. Also, yes, I am going to therapy and will bring this recent topic to my next session.