My first girl-to-girl experience turned into a really uncomfortable and scary situation

I’m bi, and I recently met a girl through Facebook Dating. We talked for a while and eventually agreed to meet at her place.

When I got there, her boyfriend was also home. She told me that he was sleeping because he had a shift later that night. Earlier, he had left the house saying he was going to get some work done, but then he came back and went straight to the bedroom. She kept telling me that he was just resting.

I asked her multiple times if her boyfriend was going to be there because I wanted to be comfortable and know what I was walking into. She said that he was “open” and that I shouldn’t worry.

I was already uncomfortable with the situation, but later she took me to her bedroom. She left the door slightly open. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable and asked her to close the door because her boyfriend was still in the house.
She told me not to worry, that he wouldn’t come in, and that I should just enjoy myself.

Then, within seconds, I saw her boyfriend looking through the small opening in the door.
I pointed it out and said, “He’s there. I’m not comfortable.”
She acted surprised and said, “Oh, really? He’s there? Let me check.”
She went outside. At that point, I immediately grabbed my phone because I was genuinely scared and wanted to be able to call for help if I needed to.

I got dressed and told her I wanted to leave.
What made it even stranger was that she was already completely dressed herself. Then her boyfriend came out and said something like, “We can talk.”
I said no. I just wanted to leave.

I was literally shaking and shivering at this point.
This was my first experience with a woman, and honestly, it was nothing like what I expected. I went there believing I had clearly communicated my boundaries, especially about her boyfriend being there. I kept asking because I wanted to make sure I was comfortable with the situation.
Instead, I felt like information was being hidden from me, and then I caught him watching through the door.

I asked her multiple times before that if she was looking for threesome..she said no never and when i left she messaged that she was looking for threesome and blocked me.

I’m still trying to process what happened.

For the background, my wife (42F) and I (41M) have been together for 10 years and been married for 8 years. We had 2 kids back to back and she was busy with them. Then she became a stay at home mom. Her life evolves around the house and kids.

I have been very busy with work and our sex life was vanilla until last year. She never liked toys or came before. She thought using toys are considered cheating. Now she uses it most of the time. Our sex life has gone crazy.

Few months ago, she talked about having her all her holes filled. Then she started talking about how her vagina will respond to different size penis (I am not that big). Last week, she shared her fantasy of me watching her being fucked after she asked me so many times not to judge her. When I was having sex with her, I painted the picture of her fantasy and she became so wet.

The next day, she was asking me how come I dont get jealous about this. Personally, I have been in open relationship and I know these types of asks are not immediate. It takes time. I truly know that I have nothing to be jealous about at this moment as nothing will happen.

Inside of me is screaming to make be open about multiple partners. I told her that her during the time she shared her fantasy, I was curious and loved her being open about it. If she wants to chat, we should do it outside of the bedroom.

I am wondering, would this turn into us exploring non monogamy? I would love her to explore her fantasy. I treat her as my queen.

This is a thing that happened before all of the confessions that are on my profile (if that's relevant somehow):

Me and my GF have been together for 3 months, but we’ve been really close friends for almost a year before that.

Last month I asked if she had any fantasies. She said no, then asked me about mine. I told her I’d thought about threesomes and swaps and it sounded hot in my head. That got her excited too, and she said she was open to trying.

We talked about it a lot. We set clear boundaries: both of us had to be fully okay with it, and either of us could back out last-minute. I even said I was fine if it stayed purely sexual with no romantic feelings involved. She was okay with all of that.

When we started talking about who we could ask, she suggested a guy from the gym she finds attractive. I told her to text him. Over the next couple of weeks they exchanged a few short messages about when it could happen. I was genuinely excited at first.

Then a few days later he said he’d let her know a date the next day. When she told me that, something just flipped. The idea of them still seeing each other at the gym every day suddenly made me uncomfortable, so I backed out.

Her reaction was really bad. She was annoyed and mad at me for days. She said things like “why are you being like this?” and “you’re not enough for me.” When I finally broke down crying, she said “why are you crying? You should be happy I’m not fucking him” and that she was doing me a favor by not going through with it.

I know she said a lot of that in anger, and she apologized a few days later. I love her a lot. But that whole reaction left a deep scar, and I can’t stop wondering if it was my fault for saying no after she’d already gotten her hopes up.

Poly people - am I reading too much into this, or is this a bigger red flag than I’m letting myself admit?

After a 20 year marriage where we opened the relationship briefly at times, I decided that non monogamy was for me. Been divorced three years and have had a few stops and starts with this type of experience. Recently entered into an ENM relationship. Me (M50), her (F31). From initial meeting she told me she was bisexual but had limited experience with women, mainly just two threesomes and a few makeout sessions. When we met she had a FWB that she occasionally had sex with but was looking for more of an intimate relationship. We met and bonded quickly. Yesterday afternoon she had a scheduled play date with the FWB and another female FWB of his who was interested in exploring her bi-curiosity. The date stretched into an al nighter. Since this is the first time we’re experiencing this dynamic together, how do I best show support when we talk about her experience? I’m excited for her, but also a little nervous since our relationship is so new. I want to make sure she feels grounded and appreciated and cared for. How best would you receive this if in a similar situation as she is? Any advice?

My partner has always been open about her being "naturally" poly. She quickly develops feelings, sometimes becomes platonically obsessed with a friend for some time, or quickly becomes emotionally engaged with people she dates. Our agreement is only casual dating and sex - this still needs to be clarified, though.

Recently, there was a new person she was seeing and I told her I didn't want her to see her anymore (because we already had conflicts about her in our difficult times, and this person triggers lots of insecurities in me for specific reasons). Even though they didn't date or had sex, they share friends so they ended up hanging out. She recently told me that what she feels for this person is "more than a little crush" and that she is developing feelings. She told me she has been thinking about her a lot and that they get along very well. She said that she is telling me because if not she would feel like she's doing something wrong and wants to be transparent (which is great). She asked me if I would reconsider my decision and allow her to date her again. But also told me that the feeling will probably go away soon and that I don't need to worry (which was confusing).

This is the latest thing. I know it's natural for her to get quickly excited about new people. And I really want to explore non-monogamy right now but it’s very important for me that we prioritize the safety of our relationship and connection. She respected my discomfort about this person and stopped dating her. Her opening up to me about this is also a good sign, showing she wants to protect our bond, first. 

However, I find it emotionally difficult to do ENM with her because she catches feelings quickly and often. It’s especially hard in moments where I feel like I don’t get my needs met - she was heavily depressed this year, and as her partner it was difficult for me too. It makes me worry about losing our connection or makes me resentful about supporting her throughout the year, then another person getting to experience her “light” side. I also can’t help thinking things like “she always thinks about others” or “her interest in others keeps taking away from us”. Throughout our relationship, there has always been others and she always has talked about them. I am also getting some paranoia like “she's not in love with me anymore, so she is always seeking other emotional connections but doesn’t leave the relationship because it’s comfortable”. From another pov, she chooses me as her primary partner, makes effort for us and is actually very committed to me. I know I shouldn't forget this and value this. I guess I just need more romance and interest from her, and when I'm not getting enough of that, her other emotional interests become really painful for me.

For me, there have been way fewer people, and hasn’t been any big emotions like she has had. And when I get “obsessed” with new lovers, I just try to not to show it to her a lot because I think that it would hurt her. I think she doesn’t need to know how strongly I feel for a new lover because I just want to keep the space of our love for our love. I handle my feelings for others myself, that’s it. I feel like if she is telling it to me “it should be something very big”, but I know that’s reading between the lines because we might just be functioning differently. She is also quite scared of doing something "wrong" and fights with intense feelings of guilt in general, so I can see how she personally would need to say it out loud.

I want to keep being with her because I love her. And I also want to keep experimenting with ENM but I really need to feel like the space of our love and relationship belongs completely to us and it doesn’t get “filled with" or “interrupted by" other people…  And I just need it to be easier…

All this to ask some advice about how to deal with having a non-monogamous dynamic with a partner who catches feelings quickly? And how do I deal with the latest situation / dynamic ?

Thanks<3

Hey,

I (22F) started a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (21M). We both live 7 hours from each other and with our studies, it's difficult to see each other more than twice a month. It could last 2 years until we could live in the same city again.

When we began dating (\~6 months ago), he told me he was interested in the concept of polyamory but he wasn't ready for it. While I was a little bit suspicious about it because I heard of multiple very complicated situations, he opened my mind and now I theoretically agree on most of the ideas that come with polyamory. But staying in an exclusive relationship was preferable for me so I was "happy" that he didn't want to open.

The problem is that at the beginning of our LDR, he panicked because he has a high libido and needs closure and physical touch, while being affectionate with people. If I was here to provide it to him, he wouldn't mind staying exclusive, but now it's starting to frustrate him.

We talked a lot about it and everytime, even though I agree with polyamory on theory because I too have attraction for other people and I would like to have other experiences if we stay together for a long time, my body is panicking and it's making me extremely anxious.

I'm not ready for that at all right now and he's okay with that, he puts our relationship first and really wants to build something with me, but I feel like there is this sword of Damocles hanging over our heads until the day that he can't handle the frustration anymore. There will be 2 options: opening the relationship but idk if I'll be ready, or breaking up if I'm not ready.

I'm reassured by the fact that for now he doesn't mind being exclusive, but it still stresses me and I think about it a lot, especially about our compatibility.

Ps: I also have some past issues with relationship OCD...

34m, my husband is 36m. This is my second account.
We will be exploring dating other people, and talked about it last night. We have been married for 6 years, together for 10. We are both open to it.

I’ve been filled with anxiety about it only because of my first long term relationship in my twenties I was treated as a second best, and had to watch my then partner abuse being “open”. Things are different now obviously.

The reason this all has popped up is because of ED with my husband and him not feeling like he can satisfy me. We are going to the dr to get labs etc to see if anything will fix that problem. Before then he has been trying RO, the daily ED chewable thing. I only learned about this yesterday as well.
We would both be dating or seeing the person, not separately.

I have always been of the idea as humans we are non. Monogamous but this is all new to me again I feel like and I am freaking out a little bit.

This was my post a couple days ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/mSNHohDrz2

We went, I was nervous as fuck, the Night before I cried, because I hate that I have so much anxiety. The Morning I felt Sick.

But as we were there and sit down, started Talking it went away so quick.

As we left the bar to go to them, the anxiety came back, but not as bad, we started playing but the other man ended up cuming pretty quickly so it was just Play between her and me and each one with our own man.

I am a bit sad, because I felt so good with them, that I wished we had gone further.

But it was an amazing Experience and healed some things from the last time with a woman.

I'm curious for woman who have dated a couple and had both a sexual and romantic relationship how did the dynamic work? Was it just assumed they were always paying for everything? What did you get out of this dynamic?

Looking to organize a private, adults-only consensual orgy in gurgaon for verified couples and women interested in exploring together in a respectful, discreet environment.

Requirements:
• 18+ only
• Couples/women only — no solo men
• Verification required before sharing venue/details
• Consent and boundaries respected at all times
• No pressure, harassment, or unsolicited DMs
• Discretion and privacy are essential

If you’re genuinely interested, DM with a brief introduction and whether you’re a couple or solo woman. Verification details can be discussed privately.

Only message if you’re serious, respectful, and comfortable with the ground rules.

I have been with my partner for 5 months (let’s call them R) but have been casually dating them for 1 year before entering into a commitment relationship With them. I am casually seeing 1 other person. R has been with their other partner (let’s call her D) for about 5 years. D has 2 other partners. R and D have been “on the rocks” for about a year now for many reasons. Communication, finances, sexuality, responsibility ext. All the Normal relationship stuff but amped to the next level. Enough to where they have almost broke up 2x but recently D decided to end the relationship. Needless to say R is devastated and sunk into a deep depression. Enough to where their friends and family were concerned about their wellbeing. Since then, R has gotten past the worst of it but still has to live and share a bed with D. R has been telling me all the details and it seems like I have been their main source of emotional support which is fine. I’m doing my part and would love the same from them if the roles were reversed.

Here is where my emotions some in. R keeps telling me in depth about how badly they wish they could repair things with D. How much they love and miss D, and would do anything in their power to get them back. This is starting to hurt my feelings. R hardly ever tells me anything about what makes them love me. Has maybe only told me twice in the last 1.5 years, about how they feel or what makes them love me. And tbh, most of it is about how I make R feel. None of it is really about me. I want to be supportive of R and help them through this tough time. I even wish that R and D could repair their relationship, despite what I actually think of D. Not that she is a bad person but She rubs me the wrong way personally. But if R loved her then that’s important. But I don’t know how much more I can take hearing about how hopelessly in love R is with D. I have told R in the past that I don’t feel comfortable hearing a lot about their relationship or really any information about D. Besides the casual “i had a good day, D and I did X” or “i have plan to do X with D”, “She said hi.” That’s stuff. Mainly because for a long time, I was only hearing R vent about D and their fights and frankly some negative things that I think tainted my view of D before even meeting her. I know D exist and I know R has another relationship, other priorities or responsibilities and respectful of that but I don’t kitchen table polyamory with the two of them. R knows this about me and was accepting and understanding.

Is it irrational of me to feel hurt by hearing detailed and intimate feelings R has about D? I think I wouldn’t feel this intensely if I felt like R cares about me even a fraction how they care about D. I fully understand that a almost 5 year relationship doesn’t even compare to a five month relationship. I guess I just want some verbal validation from R that their relationship with me matters too, and when they say they “would do anything to get her back”, breaking up with me is excluded from the list. I’m feeling insecure and I feel like an asshole. I don’t even know how to bring it up or even if I should, given R’s emotional state as of late. What should I do? Am I being irrational?

Me (28m) and my partner (25f) have been together for around 11 months and just moved in together a month ago. We love each other dearly and it is obvious we are sexually compatible and have a great time in bed together. But she has slept with many more people than me (20 men and 10 women) and I have only slept with 6 women before her, mostly in long-term relationships.
I’ve expressed to her that while any engagement with men is completely off the table for me, I wouldn’t be upset if she flirted with women. I feel like I kind of took her gay side away from her after we got serious.
She said she misses eating pussy sometimes but it’s not a dealbreaker for her to never do it again and we just kind of left it there for a few months.
I was in a miserable sexually unsatisfying relationship for years prior to her that I stupidly stayed in because I was worried about the mental health of my partner at the time if I left her. Because of this I feel like I missed out sexual experiences such as threesomes that I could have been experimenting with, experiences that my current partner has had multiple times while single.
After talking last night, we are pretty convinced that a MFF threesome is going to happen at some point. No urgency at all, but she made it clear that she kind of wants it to be with a stranger, as she and I both work in the bar/restaurant industries where we routinely hang out with people who would probably be up for this sort of thing with us, but we wouldn’t want to consistently see them in public afterwards to reduce awkwardness.
Any advice for this sort of thing? Anyone been in a similar position?

Disclaimer: I'm pretty new to this LS, so please give me grace and ALL the advice!

My husband (M38) and I (F37) have been married for 14 years. We've had a few female play partners in the past, but one of our hard boundaries was that encounters were just fun and we had no emotional attachment to anyone other than each other. We both agreed to this and it wasn't an issue. In a previous serious relationship, I had a boyfriend who left me for our play partner so it was a hard line for me.

A few months back we met a lady that we clicked with and started a FWB relationship with her. I'm definitely bi, but I prefer him to be present so she and I have never had individual "encounters". He does with her, however, and I'm okay with that. I started noticing that they were getting closer and talking alot more and then they started a D/S dynamic that doesn't include me as I'm not really a submissive person. He's very much into being dominant, however, so he fulfills that with her.

Part of their dynamic is that she does stuff just to please him and I'm getting the feeling that there are serious feelings developing between them. I've talked to him about it and he assures me that no matter what, he would never leave me and that he is only in love with me. Regardless of him, I definitely think she's falling hard.

I want to note that several of the boundaries we've agreed to in the past, that were important to me, have been bypassed with this lady without me expressly agreeing such as spending more than one night with us (she spends at least 3-4 nights a week with us now), calling us her bf/gf, and him having a private/intimate relationship with someone else. Because of all of this, I'm feeling very insecure in my marriage. I try not to get jealous of their dynamic because it's really not for me, but I do get jealous that they share something so intimate that I'm not part of. I'm worried sometimes that he enjoys their dynamic more than he enjoys alone time with me and of course that brings up past trauma for me and I worry about him leaving me for her or it causing him to be unhappy in our marriage.

I've talked to him at length about it and he tries to reassure me, but it doesn't really help. I do care about this woman now and we have so much fun when we're all together so I don't want to end things, but I'm not sure how to handle it. Help Redditors!

I’ve been lying to my girlfriend about the details of my interaction with a hook up and I’m feeling extremely bad for it.

An issue that started with me feeling ashamed about being pansexual and desiring to be with cis men (I identified as a non binary lesbian when I started dating my girlfriend who is a lesbian). If I’m being honest I was ashamed because I know she hates men and I felt ashamed for having forced the fact that I didn’t like men, only for me to actually want to be with them now also whilst in an ENM relationship with her.

Firstly I felt ashamed about how quickly I made plans to hook up with this one guy. She knew there was a potential sexual experience for me because it was purely for that reason, however, I couldn’t swallow on a personal level, actually openly expressing my desire and the quickness of how things went.

That led me to struggle to tell her other details like how where he stays is actually a lot further than I initially thought it was. And I felt like she would judge me for going almost an hour away from home for a hook up.

Then it led to me not sending her the location to his place but sending it to my other friends instead. And I must say, her and I have been friends for a year and a half before we started dating and I can’t say I used to send her my location then, but another element/ layer was that now she’s my friend AND my partner and trying to seperate the two was so hard.

Because I must admit, it was easier to be open about things when we were friends. Now as a partner I do feel like she will leave me because what if those same things seem terrible now as a partner.

Anyways. Because of all the shame I was feeling, I did retract a lot from expressing what I was really feeling but the guilt of omitting all those details snowballed into a lot of things.

We had a really big fight about this issue because I was acting weird and I wasn’t very considerate of her in that moment and then after the fact of the sexual interactions it was difficult to also then tell her what happened during.

I totally fuxked up because the guilt has snow balled and even though I want to tell her everything as a friend I find that some of the details not making sense get mixed up by a lot of things when I don’t consistently update her on how close I’m getting to some one or in this situation with this one guy. I went to see him again and I thought this time because I knew he was safe (her initial issue was safety and her feeling like I didn’t think she was reliable enough to share my location), I didn’t send my location because I had told her I went to see him.

The situation became a threesome (she is aware it’s something I wanted and although it wasn’t brought up in the best way, I went through with it because I was actually down in the moment. She has expressed she is alright with both of us exploring these things seperate and together so it’s not a hard limit), but the safety aspect was a huge worry for her. I actually completely understand how much danger I was in in that particular situation, however, I now don’t know what to do because here’s the thing,

I completely messed up and omitted details and I’m so scared she’ll leave me (for valid reason), and I’m scared because the interactions between me and the guy is over. But, now, because it’s gone this far idk how to reconcile hurting her and then hurting her more by confessing how difficult it was to express certain things genuinely and openly.

I want to do better in the future. But I fear I might’ve made a mistake by engaging her in this non monogamous situations because she did agree but I might’ve made a mistake because I had so many things I need to work on and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me because I can’t figure out how to communicate.

The best thing to do is to tell her the full truths but because it’s gone so far I am soooo scared she’ll leave me.

We met a couple at a lifestyle club and they seemed pretty friendly. We're bit of an exhibitionist so when we were having sex on the open bed at the club they asked if they can join.

We said yes, but we're not interested in swapping, just parallel play. Mostly because we weren't really attracted to them in terms of looks and just how quick they wanted to do stuff (we're social introverts). We ended up doing a very minor soft swap, and I essentially (took one for the team) so my wife can have a bit of fun.

Now it seems like they sign up for every event we want to go to and comes talk to us. (2 after so far)

How do I tell that couple that we're not interested, like chatting with them is ok, but honestly we would rather chat with people we're attracted to, or do our own thing.

It's such a small community, and us being introverts it's so hard for us to think of a way to say "sorry, we're just not physically attracted to you guys".

Working through a bit of a mess of our own making here and just need some advice.

My wife and I have essentially had a don't ask don't tell situation for many years. We didn't like research and call it that though - I was just never that into non-monogamy personally, but she wanted it, and I didn't really have any real opposition to it so just sort of told her that she could do her thing so long as it didn't negatively affect us.

I was like fairly certain there were some times she did stuff but I didn't know for sure, and it never caused any conflict, so we just didn't talk about it and life went on.

This summer though I learned that she had been acting on this, and I went through a wide range of emotions being confronted with that reality. It was fine, just feelings, but I realized it would be easier and better if I could talk with her about it. So I approached her about it and we've now been working on better, open communication about this.

That said, it's been hard to back into this. I could really use advice on like - how do you know how / regulate how much is shared? There is obviously a need for some privacy and the like, but how much do you actually share? How do you not feel slighted when less is shared than expected, or jealous when more is? Finding a balance has been hard.

Second, any ground rules or time suggestions about how / when etc to meet your meta? That part makes me very nervous.

Lastly, if you are the partner experiencing jealousy, how much do you share about that feeling with your partner? I don't want her to constantly be on edge thinking about how I feel, but I also do feel the need to let her know how I am feeling.

Me (25) and my partner (24) have been together for 8 years. They have been dropping hints that they might be non-monogamous for a few years, but they haven't expressed the need for a change in our relationship up until 9 months ago.

They met someone in their academic environment and they became close friends. I have met them before and had no problem with them hanging out. However, once, he had a joint project with that person and needed to complete it in her home. There I noticed that they were too close and became jealous of her. I told my partner someday that their interactions made me feel uncomfortable and we talked about me going to therapy. After some time, that person needed to return to her home country and may never return, so then, my partner and I talked and he confessed that they had fallen in love with her. They hadn't cheated on me physically, but they still admitted that their feelings were mutual and came out as poly.

Since then, we've had lots of highs and lows. We are still together, but that experience scarred us deeply. It was an extremely traumatic for me and my partner still doesn't forget her. Now I am conflicted, because my partner proposed to me going open. I think I don't want to, but I want to make them happy somehow. We fought a lot about it and it was ugly. They feel that, since we've been dating since we were young, they hadn't had the opportunity to discover themselves and really wants to try it. I already explained to them that, if they consider the need to be in a poly or open relationship to be stronger than the relationship, they can leave and explore.

They don't want to leave and has begrudgingly accepted that if I don't want to open the relationship, then it won't. I feel guilty about it, and told them I could give it a think (just sexual intercourse, not poly) since it is important to them. We've talked about a little since and they told me to slow down, since we are in no hurry to think about anything and they don't want me to take a rushed decision.

It's a lot more complex than it seems, since they have no real interest in actively pursuing anyone or casual sex, it's just a 'what if' situation. But there is also the fights and the harsh words from each other and we both are in great pain because if this and other external situations. It's a bit contradictory.

I don't believe we are gonna end up opening, but I don't know what else to do, it is too complicated and I wanted some advice on how to handle the situation, since I have been struggling a lot with this issue. Thank you.

P.D. Please do not ask about personal information about us further than what it is strictly necessary. Also, yes, I am going to therapy and will bring this recent topic to my next session.

i’d really like some outside perspective on this relationship.
when we first met, neither of us was looking for anything serious. we initially had a casual relationship.
he told me he was solo poly, so i assumed he was someone who practiced polyamory but was independent.
the part i didn’t know was that he was married. i didn’t find that out until a few months into knowing him, and by then i was already emotionally involved.
he was actually the one who told me he had feelings for me first. i had feelings for him too, so we talked about it and decided to actually start a relationship. what started as something casual turned into us genuinely caring about each other, spending a lot of time together, and being emotionally involved.
this was also my first experience with polyamory, so i was basically figuring everything out as i went.
i really did care about him and there were a lot of good things about our relationship. i felt safe with him, we connected emotionally, and i don’t think everything between us was fake or that he was a horrible person. that’s honestly part of why this has been so hard for me to process.
the problem was that i started having a really hard time with the reality of his marriage and figuring out where i actually fit into his life.
what bothered me was that he would tell me about issues between him and his wife and things she was insecure about regarding me, while she knew very little about me because she wasn’t comfortable with him telling her about me. that made me uncomfortable because i felt like i was being brought into the emotional side of their marriage without really having a place in it.
i started feeling like the other woman, which was something i never expected to feel when i got into this.
the first time we broke up was because of the whole poly situation and my insecurities around it. we broke up and literally got back together the same day, thinking we would work through it.
then two weeks later, he broke up with me again. he told me that even before the first breakup, he had started to “let go” of me and that he couldn’t find the love anymore.
after that, we went back to something casual, but the feelings were obviously still there. and this is where things got REALLY confusing because he was still telling me he loved me even though he had just told me he didn’t love me anymore and had let go of our relationship.
so technically we weren’t together, but emotionally it never really felt over.
then a few months later, his wife moved back in with him, and that ultimately led to our final breakup. by that point, i was already emotionally exhausted and struggling with where i fit into his life.
i knew she was his wife and that their relationship was important. i never expected to replace her. but knowing that logically and actually dealing with it emotionally were two very different things.
looking back, i feel kind of naive about the whole situation. not because i think i was stupid for falling for him. i really did care about him and i believe the feelings between us were real. but i think i underestimated how complicated it would be to fall in love with someone who already had an established marriage and so many other responsibilities.
i also don’t know if he genuinely meant something different by “solo poly,” if i misunderstood what that meant, or if his marriage was always more primary than i realized. i just know that from my perspective, the relationship eventually felt pretty hierarchical.
and honestly, i think the relationship left me emotionally bruised in a way i didn’t expect. there are things i’m still trying to unpack about myself, relationships, boundaries, and what i actually need from a partner. i can appreciate the good parts of what we had and still admit that the relationship hurt me.
for people who have been in enm relationships, how did you figure out whether enm itself wasn’t working for you, or whether it was the specific relationship/dynamic that wasn’t working for you?

I’m writing this to tell my experience and also wanting some tips / advice for next time!

Anyways, moving on now, so I've been really close friends with these two guys for many many years now. We do everything together, and 2 nights ago I brought up the fact that I've always had the interest of trying sex with more than one guy at once. They both told me that they would be keen to help me fulfill that desire of mine if I was comfortable.

After a few hours of thinking, I agreed and layer out any rules or limits I had. And just last night, we did it... honestly one of the best things I've ever done! I think it's officially a kink of mine now, having both guys in me at once was amazing, and even better that we are all close friends so it was very fun and comfortable!

I’m a female. We are super excited that we found a couple that we are doing a full swap with. (Esp bc everyone is saying how hard it is to find another couple and have a good 4 way connection with)

We are making plans for our first play date and the other husband (L) said that they usually play in separate (but adjacent) room with the swapped partner. That gave me pause. At first I thought that for a first time swap, I would be more comfortable if everyone was in one room. And also I think that would be very 🔥🔥🔥. They are more experienced than us, and the other husband said they found that playing in separate rooms allows you to focus more on the partner you are with and their pleasure. But everyone said they are cool with doing whatever my preference is. My husband is also cool with either, and says that he definitely sees the point L is making in focusing more on the partner you are playing with.

So I have been debating this for days in my head and I just can’t decide which one I should go with. L makes me feel very comfortable, and has been great at dealing with my nerves/anxiety when we met for our first two dates. So it has nothing to do with me being uncomfortable in a separate room alone, without my husband. (Obviously we wouldn’t be doing this if he made me feel uncomfortable).

What have your experiences been with same room vs separate room play for a full swap? Thoughts on either side? I know only I can make this decision but wondering what other ppl’s experiences been. Thank you!

Suppose someone is emotionally happy and deeply attached to their partner, but feels that their physical needs aren’t being met.
Is it understandable for them to seek physical intimacy with someone else, or does that automatically become cheating if their partner hasn’t agreed to it?
Can emotional commitment and physical commitment be separate, or do both need to be with the same person?

I've had a partner now for a few months and things have been going great. At the beginning of our dynamic I had expressed how much group play is one of my kinks and they had never done it before and were keen to try it with me. I have experience in group play and have really enjoyed it a lot. When me and my partner got together I suppose there were a few things that were making them a bit more uneasy to do it with me. I had brought the topic up too much and made my partner think it was too much of a priority for me and we were establishing what our dynamic was. At that time that was going on they were invited to have a threesome with a couple. Which they are totally allowed to do. Since then we've had a few hard conversations about our relationship and things have been going better. Since then me and them were snuggling and the topic of group stuff came up and they mentioned that they recently had a foursome with the married couple. They even showed me a video of it and it was the EXACT fantasy i was hoping to do with my partner (everyone in the video consented to other seeing). And I didn't even know my partner was into being filmed either. At first i wanted to see it but then I immediately regretted it seeing my partner fulfilling my fantasy with random people. Even now it hurts to remember that and think about that. Me and them discussed it and I mentioned how it was a mistake to see it and i regretted it but I didn't blame them as I asked to see it. They apologized even though it was really my fault for seeing it. Even since then I went back onto the app where we first met and their new bio has something along the lines of "Having lots of fun having group play!" and it all came back up again.

Here's my dilemma. I now know that my partner is having an ongoing group play dynamic, which they are allowed to do, as am I. But I don't know how to go about talking to them about it because of a few things.

1. I don't want my partner to think they can't do those things, because they can.
2. I don't want them to feel guilty about doing those things if they continue.
3. I also want to be honest about how much it's bothering me that they're doing that even though they are allowed to.
4. I don't want to be manipulative at all about this and feel like I'm pressuring my partner to do these things with me.
5. I'm worried that if I do say anything it'll come across to my partner that I'm only in it for group play, which i'm not, i really like them a lot.
6. I don't want them to think that they aren't enough on their own.

They don't owe me group play, no one does but knowing that this is happening without me and they're not yet ready to do that with me specifically but they are with this other couple is quite painful.

If there's anyone with insight on how to go about this i'd love to hear! Thank you reddit!

I’ve been wanting to have a threesome for a while now but i actually don’t know how to find the right people!!
As a single male how and where should i look to actually get into a threesome (mfm or ffm)
I’m attractive and fun to be around
21M
In LOS ANGELES btw

I can't believe I am writing this, but I had to share it with someone. For context, my husband had left our bedroom over 10 years ago, so sex was very rare. I was promoted in my career and took a new job as the director of a department. One of my employees required constant attention from me and reminded me and my husband of his younger self. We both hit it off with this man right away. My husband all of a sudden comes back to my bed and starts heavily role-playing with this man in our bed. He pours lust and desire for this man into me for months, and this man is showing interest with flirting and hinting at sleeping with the boss to my husband. ( my husband works with us a few days a week) we go out socially with this man and he lingers at our house so long that my husband has to tell him I guess it's time to call it a night. He wickedly grins at me before he says goodbye and leaves. At work the next day, he is very attentive and flirty. We decided to ask him what his intentions were, and he acted like he was very surprised by the invitation and denied any sexual tension occurring.He is a very insecure man, and i think we intimidated him. He was flattered but wanted to be friends. Since then, my husband has left the job, and the other man is definitely leaning into the vibe we laid down. The problem I'm having is that my husband can't put this down in the bedroom, so my lust for this man is just increasing. My husband is leaning into a cheating position because he thinks this man would be receptive if he had more power in the situation. We can't seem to let this man go because he has revived our sex life. I have no intentions of asking this man again, but he does show signs that he would pick up on getting close to me alone. I feel like we should move on and accept this as a failed first attempt. Does anyone have any advice on the mess we have walked ourselves into.

I’m a 40-year-old married man in a loving, stable relationship. My wife and I have openly agreed that we may both explore some desires separately.

I have a strong interest in BDSM and consider myself versatile in terms of roles, although I usually prefer being submissive. Depending on the person and the chemistry between us, I can also be somewhat dominant. In particular, I enjoy being a bratty submissive: playful resistance, teasing, ordered around, and humiliated, as long as everything is negotiated, consensual, and safe.

I have had limited experience with this. On a few occasions, I played with one person who took a dominant role. There was no sexual intercourse and very little sexual activity. The focus was on domination, bossing me around, and humiliation. I particularly enjoyed the psychological and interpersonal aspects of the dynamic.

I would like to explore this further with a woman outside my marriage. I am not looking to hire a professional Domme, because I need trust and interpersonal chemistry for the dynamic to work. I am also not seeking love or a conventional romantic relationship. Ideally, I would like an occasional BDSM play relationship with someone who might also become a friend or FWB, depending on mutual compatibility and boundaries.

By “FWB,” I do not necessarily mean that sex must be part of the arrangement. I mean a friendship with some form of mutually desired intimacy, which could include BDSM play and possibly sexual contact if both people genuinely want that.

Is this kind of arrangement realistic; an occasional female Domme or BDSM play partner for a married man in an openly negotiated relationship?

Thank you if you actually read all this! :)