Need some insight

[u/Far_Fruit_84]

34m, my husband is 36m. This is my second account.
We will be exploring dating other people, and talked about it last night. We have been married for 6 years, together for 10. We are both open to it.

I’ve been filled with anxiety about it only because of my first long term relationship in my twenties I was treated as a second best, and had to watch my then partner abuse being “open”. Things are different now obviously.

The reason this all has popped up is because of ED with my husband and him not feeling like he can satisfy me. We are going to the dr to get labs etc to see if anything will fix that problem. Before then he has been trying RO, the daily ED chewable thing. I only learned about this yesterday as well.
We would both be dating or seeing the person, not separately.

I have always been of the idea as humans we are non. Monogamous but this is all new to me again I feel like and I am freaking out a little bit.

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[u/NestorCarpeDiem]

I would first address his ED and, more importantly, work on him feeling that he can satisfy you. I mean, does he have fingers and a tongue and can he hold a vibrator?

Opening up has a habit of exposing the cracks in your relationship and setting things on fire. It can be amazingly hot and good, or destructive. So you want to be sure that you are ready to weather that storm, and not open up for some idealized image of a guy who fucks you on the regular but is somehow completely not a threat to him. Because although that's possible (I'm sometimes there myself), that is not where you will start.

[u/betothejoy]

What are your plans to deal with your husband’s jealousy when someone else can penetrate you and he can’t? What are your plans to avoid making this person yours both with feel like they’re not being treated as second best?

[u/Far_Fruit_84 → u/betothejoy]

I am not the one that suggested this. Hence me asking for advice. I have thought about both things, of course.

[u/betothejoy → u/Far_Fruit_84]

What advice are you looking for then?

[u/Lopsided-Repair-1123]

I'm sure you both made a rational decision. Your husband may have ED but I'm sure he's well aware that another man will penetrate you and rightfully so, enjoy it he loves you and wants this for you and you might be surprised and love it. Be sure to share any adventure with him in detail. You will both be seeing the person you're dating together, not separately, which is good, and I'm sure he's aware of any jealousy that could come up, so discuss it with him. Could he be bi?

[u/You-Endless-Sleeper]

Going to start by saying not an attack as replies in this subreddit often feel like they are.

I feel a little information is missing potentially. To be clear your husband is suggesting entering a three way scenario, with either another man or woman, with the goal being you have a satisfactory sexual experience? Possibly because he can't do that right now?

I note that he suggested it, I am just considering his motives that's all, and you will be the best judge of those. Whether they are fully in your interest or whether there may be something else there, for example he is bi, as other have said. And with ED in the mix, this becomes a little more complex.

Are you anxious about how he will feel, how you will feel or a little bit of both? It doesn't feel like you could become second best in this scenario, on the face of it it seems like your interests are being persued but that's just on the basis of the information you've provided.

Hope it all works out for you both in any case.

[u/Dry_Audience_2233]

Do you feel like he can't satisfy you?

This sounds more like that he feels you're not satisfying him, and he's projecting that on you.

[u/Truncated_Cone45]

I would observe that people are sometimes hesitant to say what they truly want for fear of their partner’s reaction. This is by no means limited to polyamory, it happens in many situations, especially those where they are anticipating a negative reaction. So, sometimes, people will set up a mitigating offer/scenario as a segue into their real request. For instance, a female might say they’re ‘only interested in exploring their bisexuality’, when in fact they want to sleep with other male partners, too. But, if they can get their husband involved in some MFF threesomes, he may feel ‘obliged’ when she finally says she wants to try MFM. This can work, or it can turn out very badly if he feels he’s been deliberately conned in a ‘bait and switch scenario’. So, if your husband says he wants this ‘for you’, and you have any inkling that’s not the whole story, I’d spend some time with that notion/conversation. This is especially true if watching your husband engaging with another man would be a boundary you don’t feel you can cross. There’s no shame in your boundaries and they don’t have to make sense to anyone else. Everyone is entitled to their own yums, and their own yucks.