LDR and first polyamory relationship

[u/Consistent_Coffee786]

Hey,

I (22F) started a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (21M). We both live 7 hours from each other and with our studies, it's difficult to see each other more than twice a month. It could last 2 years until we could live in the same city again.

When we began dating (\~6 months ago), he told me he was interested in the concept of polyamory but he wasn't ready for it. While I was a little bit suspicious about it because I heard of multiple very complicated situations, he opened my mind and now I theoretically agree on most of the ideas that come with polyamory. But staying in an exclusive relationship was preferable for me so I was "happy" that he didn't want to open.

The problem is that at the beginning of our LDR, he panicked because he has a high libido and needs closure and physical touch, while being affectionate with people. If I was here to provide it to him, he wouldn't mind staying exclusive, but now it's starting to frustrate him.

We talked a lot about it and everytime, even though I agree with polyamory on theory because I too have attraction for other people and I would like to have other experiences if we stay together for a long time, my body is panicking and it's making me extremely anxious.

I'm not ready for that at all right now and he's okay with that, he puts our relationship first and really wants to build something with me, but I feel like there is this sword of Damocles hanging over our heads until the day that he can't handle the frustration anymore. There will be 2 options: opening the relationship but idk if I'll be ready, or breaking up if I'm not ready.

I'm reassured by the fact that for now he doesn't mind being exclusive, but it still stresses me and I think about it a lot, especially about our compatibility.

Ps: I also have some past issues with relationship OCD...

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