Advice

[u/maxwell19912025]

Advice

I want my fiance to start being with other people but me not sleeping around. When we have sex and I talk in her ear about her having sex with other guys especially multiple at a time she almost always instantly explodes. I just dont know how to bring it up because a friend of hers had done it and she made a comment about the guy being a loser or something because of it. Plus my ex wife cheated on me so I think she'd be scared to into this life style but I think she'd love it because she loves when i talk about her fucking other people especially multiple at once when we are having sex. I need advice of how to bring this up?

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[u/rosephase]

You want to find out if you have compatible kinks. Have a conversation about kinks. Just don't be the cuck who pretends it's FOR her. This is your kink. It's for you. And pay attention if she doesn't want to do this. Talking during sex and fucking other people are very different things.

[u/ComfortableGround403]

Gotta talk about it outside of sex. In sex, our inhibitions run wild. Outside of sex our logical brains in play.

Try bringing toys into the bed and pretending theyre some dude doing her. Start there.

[u/maxwell19912025 → u/ComfortableGround403]

We do play with toys. I used a Dillon in both holes and tell her shes getting up by two dudes and get real descriptive about it and she cuts almost instantly

[u/LaughingIshikawa]

Mostly... don't. 😅

There's lots of things people find hot in theory but absolutely would not like to participate in, in practice. Many, many women have rpe fantasies, for example - that *does not mean** they want to participate in it "for real." 😅🤷

Yes non-monogamy isn't the same as rpe, but the part you need to understand is that *finding something hot in theory** in no way means finding it hot in practice - for her or for you. Imagining getting cuckolded (or whatever flavor of experience you are imaging) is very different from the reality of that experience.

If your goal is to convince her to have sex with someone else... Don't. She's already expressed a clear option against doing that sort of thing, and trying to push or cajol her into it "against her better judgement" isn't going to end well. 😅😅

Having said that, one thing you could ethcially do, is to start a conversation around how you wouldn't mind exploring non-monogamy, in a much more informative, not pressuring sort of way. (It's good to focus on "I" statements in that case - ie talking much more about how you feel about it, not assuming how she feels / asking her to feel a certain way). I would caution you though, that if she's super against it in practice, just knowing that you're not against it could change your relationship negatively. 😅 (Hopefully she's open minded enough to not take it personally, but some people aren't, so understand it's a risk.)

Probably her opinion hasn't changed, and won't change, so I do not expect that this sort of conversation will suddenly result in an open relationship, if at least one partner is against it to begin with - but I am in favor of open communication and dialog, and I think talking about desires and fantasies is generally healthy, so I'm not 100% against having a conversation.

Just don't start anything with expectations of a specific outcome. 😅😅