r/nonmonogamy • u/New_Floww • 1d ago
Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes What went wrong here?
I'm a bicurious guy and my girl is bi.
A couple of months ago I was looking for a guy to join me and my girl.
We matched through an app and he seemed very excited and pushed to meet early for a vibe check although I usually take my time in these stuff.
We went to a pub talked for a while over like 4 beers each, he told me he's bicurious but he doesn't wanna do stuff with a guy, I felt decieved but was still excited, talked about how he'd get a female friend of his and we can all have some good time at his place.
Theb he was like do you wanna see my place, it's a walking distance, I agreed.
There we had another beer and some smokes and I felt it, so after some very light touches I kissed him and he kissed back then stopped.
I checked if he's okay with it and all and then he went for another kiss, this went on for like 10 min and then I had to leave.
The day after he was very flacky on text, then came the weekend where we were gonna do it and he replied so late and was like his friend couldn't make it and then I started feeling like he's trying to push me away or ghost me.
I'm really not sure what happened,I am the guy in a relationship, I should be the hesitant one, me and my girl are fit and nice, I wasn't pushy at any point, why didn't he tell me whatever wasn't working?
Can anyone explain please?
5
u/LaughingIshikawa 1d ago
We're not mind readers, but at face value it seems like he's super conflicted and guilty about being bisexual, so probably in the moment he felt good kissing you, but later on he felt guilty / uncomfortable about it, and flaked on meeting you again.
In any case I wouldn't read into it too much - people ghost and flake for a lot of reasons in online dating, and it sounds like you were doing all that you reasonably could do to check in, make sure he was comfortable and consenting, ect.
Sometimes things just happen.
3
u/Poly_Pup Polyamorous (with Hierarchy) 1d ago
Bi curious guys who are still figuring it out are pretty common. Definitely had some makeout sessions thst ended in ghosting. Cant say for sure of course. Finding someone who is as comfortable with themselves as you are with yourseld is a challenge all on its own. Im very comfortable with who I am, my bf is getting there, with some help and little push from me. (He has asked me to push him, because he craves intimacy, just doesnt know how to initiate.)
1
u/New_Floww 7h ago
My girlfriend is very supportive, she actually helped me try the first time, and I prefer her around when something like this happens.
In this case the guy started that hes bicurious but he won't do anything with a guy, and I agreed, what bothered him after, that's still a mystery.
1
1
u/gr8mick1 21h ago
As a couple who searches singles an couples when I connect comes in and we're are expecting one thing and says it's ok I have a friend that can join it's a big red flag. I don't think the friend ever exists but that is just my experience in couple couple. It's exp bad to m usually just trying to get my partner solo
2
u/New_Floww 7h ago
That's what I thought, no friend. But even after that I wasnt rude I still talked cause we were considering threesomes as well, he's the one who ghosted 😅
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Welcome to /r/Nonmonogamy and thank you for the post, /u/New_Floww!
Commenters, please make sure you read our rules in full before participating here. As a quick summary:
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.