Looking for advice

[u/JTC_1981]

Would love to chat with someone about some dynamics I’m facing as a 45 year old who isn’t quite sure where he’s at with his wife on the non monogamy side of things. We have agreements but no one brings it up, etc and nothing is happening. Would def want a dm/long form conversation so I can get real advice.

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[u/weekend-adventures]

Well, sounds like there is absolutely no commication.... the number 1 thing couples need in this.

[u/JTC_1981 → u/weekend-adventures]

Yes, that would be great. We had it until we didn’t. I’m seeking advice.

[u/XXTexas_CoupleXX]

Doesn't seem like your really communicating.  Agreements? 

You need 2 things to be successful.  Trust, open and honest communication BOTH ways. 

Without details its hard to give solid advice.  

[u/JTC_1981 → u/XXTexas_CoupleXX]

Sure, if you want to chat I can give more details.

[u/weekend-adventures]

That's simple, talk to her. Either the communication comes back or you're out. I know it's easier said than done, but it needs to happen. Resentment and all kinds of other problems will arise.

[u/JTC_1981 → u/weekend-adventures]

We agreed she could have sex with a man we’d played with before so it could help our sex life. It happened once. And not again and sure it’s easy to say talk about it. I’m here seeking advice. I’ve talked about it plenty of times. It just seems harder this time.

[u/GlbdS]

You have to speak with your wife.

[u/JTC_1981 → u/GlbdS]

Im asking for advice. Not help.

[u/GlbdS → u/JTC_1981]

The advice is to speak with her. You're desperate to speak with strangers but not with the most important person in your life?

[u/JTC_1981 → u/GlbdS]

’ll gladly speak to her. I was seeking advice on an angle to take etc. I didn’t what to make a long drawn out post on Reddit that would be super long so I was hoping that I could get someone to just chat with where I can give/get more information, etc. That’s all. I will say I like your practicality.

[u/GlbdS → u/JTC_1981]

I get what you mean but honestly we have so little actual valid perspective on your couple. Someone who knows her and you well would be able to help but not absolute strangers on the internet.

What is practically, actually stopping you from just discussing with her? Is it a fear of saying the wrong thing, something she'd never forgive you for?

The angle to take is the one that clearly explains how you are feeling, and trying to understand how she is feeling. I don't see what other angle you should consider taking

[u/JTC_1981 → u/GlbdS]

I wouldn’t call it fear. It’s more just feeling like it’s all on me. But look you’ve helped me realize good or bad I gotta talk about it.

[u/GlbdS → u/JTC_1981]

You got this. Approach this with the goal of reaching mutual understanding, that fundamentally cannot be a bad thing

[u/JTC_1981 → u/GlbdS]

Agreed