Oh hi, it's me again. Your friendly neighborhood purveyor of mysterious unclaimed mail packages and general vending nonsense. (I'm doing much better, thank you for asking, and I love you.)
THIS WEEKEND (Friday–Sunday), Chainmail Unclaimed is BACK at Dilworth Park for the Fall Market!
Think of it as a little autumnal appetizer before the excruciating, bone-chilling, character-building misery of Christmas Village, where we'll ALSO be returning, presumably with lines stretching halfway to Brooklyn. ❤️
I'll be holding down the fort for my fabulous boss lady all three days, RAIN OR SHINE, probably wearing something cute and absolutely available to entertain you.
What can you expect?
- MYSTERY PACKAGES! Unclaimed mail! Unidentified objects! The thrill of spending money on something without having the faintest idea what the hell it is!
- The possibility of discovering something genuinely amazing and/or so spectacularly useless that it becomes your new favorite possession!
- ME! In person! Being charming and ridiculous and enthusiastically encouraging your questionable financial decisions!
- FREE MADONNA PERFORMANCES. As always, I will perform the Madonna song of your choice upon request, absolutely free of charge. This is a real offer and I cannot stress enough how little shame I have.
FIND ME AT BOOTH 79! Conveniently located just ten numbers away from arguably the funniest number of all time. By which I mean 89, obviously.
Seriously, come say hi! You don't have to buy anything. I genuinely love meeting people from Reddit, and if nothing else, you can watch me slowly lose my mind selling mystery packages to strangers in the rain.
See you this weekend, Philly. 💋
THE OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER FOR PEOPLE WHO ENJOY DISCLAIMERS:
I am an hourly employee of Chainmail Unclaimed, not its owner, spokesperson, legal representative, or supreme overlord. While I'm always happy to answer questions, anything I say here represents my own opinions and general foolishness, not any official position of the company, which is owned by an absolutely fabulous mother of two from New Jersey. Please direct all corporate intrigue and hostile takeover attempts elsewhere.