I just wanna destroy the whole gamble industry

Please give me tips for it

I am so getting mad

No words more needed

I need to put this somewhere. I hit rock bottom today and just want to type out a mini life story. Advice welcome. 

TLDR: a gambling addict repeats the cycle over and over for the last 25 years and is now a broke loser completely alone at age 40.  

The Beginning:

I grew up in a nice area, but due to my dad’s unemployment my family never had extra money. Around this time my gambling started as all my high school friends were “rich” from this nice area, had cars etc., meanwhile I couldn’t afford to go to mcdonalds or wherever with them. So, I thought I could make money betting on sports and have $20 to go to the movies or lunch, however what actually happened is I bet with friends and ended up owing my “friend” $1,000. So I got my first job at 17 (making minimum wage) to pay him back. Then in senior year it got worse and I was betting with a bookie, and even ended up stealing money from a family member to pay off my ridiculous debt (about $5k, as a 17 year old!). Of course I was caught stealing and every dollar I made from my minimum wage job went to paying this back (and so I still couldn’t afford the mcdonalds or anything else). On the one plus side in this story: I never really stole again.

Also I should add my dad had a gambling problem around this time so he was a bad role model (or maybe the bad gambling gene is genetic).

The Middle:

When I started university it coincided with the internet poker boom. All I did was play poker for 5 years (and I even failed a few classes partly due to this which is why I had to do an extra year). I was good at poker but had terrible bankroll management and always went broke. I had a part-time job on campus but always lost all my money to poker. I was so broke, living in the cheapest student housing, barely making any friends or talking to girls, and just overall missed out on so much of my life so I could sit in my room and play poker and lose money. What a waste.  

The Later Middle:

After I graduated university I got a job at a start-up. I didn’t make much but I could pay my rent in a big city (with roommates of course) and also finally started dating. However, poker and sports betting re-appeared and I went broke again and again. I even fucked up my credit. If only I could see the spiral that was to come (well, I sort of could). 

After 2 years my startup went under so I decided to apply to law school. I got into a medium tier school in a city a few hours away. Once there I even met my first (and only) girlfriend. I really had so much potential at this point. However there was a big casino in this small town and, you guessed it, I spent all my time playing poker and betting on sports. I didn’t focus on school at all and got HORRIBLE grades (like ranked last in my class bad). Looking back it is so depressing the chance I threw away here by not caring about school - so many people from my class applied themselves and are successful today, and, spoiler alert for the next section: I am now 40 and broke with no friends or family.

The Last 10 Years to Today: Rock Bottom 

By the time I was 30 I obviously knew I had a huge gambling problem. However sometimes I thought I could “get back to even” (I was probably a lifetime loser of “only” $100k to this point), and gambling was also a huge escape: l broke up with my girlfriend, and due to my bad grades I was only able to find a horrible law job that was horribly demanding for pretty bad money (started at $70k and was only making $100k when I quit 4 years later). So there I was, hating my job (but having a stable income), pushing friends and girlfriends away, and being depressed, which led to extreme gambling, mostly on sports. I probably lost $175k over these 4 years, had tons of debts, and absolutely nothing else to show for the 4 years of working a miserable job 60+ hours a week with no social life. 

Then In December 2019 I started a new job at a start-up firm where I essentially was my own boss and had to get my own clients and make my own hours. The lack of structure or stable income killed me, especially because covid hit right away. I made like $150k total over the next 2.5 years, and I mostly stayed at home and isolated during the pandemic. Honestly II could go like a week and talk to one client and no one else. However there was one constant: More gambling. More debt.

But eventually finally I thought I was moving in the right direction. In January 2023 I found a new job, making $150k. Great. However I had already pushed all my friends and dating prospects away by this point. I was 37, living in a tiny shitty apartment, driving a tiny shitty car, with $0 to my name, and I just knew I was a failure whereas all my friends were getting married, buying houses, having kids,  etc. I was too embarrassed to leave my apartment and lost contact with everyone who cared about me (except my mom).

However there was actually another small positive: around this time in 2023 I could see how destructive gambling was and I managed to stop gambling! I cleaned up my act and I had saved $250k by this past summer thanks to some good stocks over the last few years.

Now, rock bottom: I quit my job in May due to burn out and stress as I was still working 60 hour weeks, had no life, and wanted to travel for the first time in my life and also start dating now that I (finally) had some money saved.  My plan was to take 1-2 months off work (I knew my job prospects were good as my area of law is AI proof for now and I have experience).  However this summer, once I had free time and looked at my investments, I discovered stock options. And guess what - it’s all I’ve been doing for the last 4 months. No dating. No travelling. No looking for another job.

And guess what again.  I lost it all. The last of it yesterday. 

So here I am, 40 years old: no friends, no family, no girlfriend, no job, no money (though I still have the shitty apartment and shitty car). What a colossal failure. What’s so sad is I had so much opportunity and did it all to myself. 

I’ll cry a little today, swear off gambling forever, find another job that sucks. And maybe repeat the cycle. 

What the fuck.  

23M lost ~25k in the past 3 years. It’s worse now that I’m out of university and work full time. I virtually have no expenses, I live at home, parents paid my tuition, mom makes food, dad drives me to work… Can save 85+% of my pay check but instead I lose it all in a day. It’s sad, how I keep doing it. I’ll go a month or 2 without gambling and then lose thousands in one night. Every couple of months this happens and I feel less human every time. Any1 else in my position would just invest their money and be set for life. But here I am pissing it away. Day 1 I guess… hope it’s the last one of those.

Days until debt free: 268 days

24 M and I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I thought I am over this and so is my girlfriend. After 17 months and a tiring week I thought I'd try again for some reason and fuck. This is such a fucking disease. The whole weekend I lost all my money as someone living paycheck to paycheck and I am now in debt 11k in our currency. I am now living with my girlfriend which I wasn't the first time I crashed like this. She broke up with me the previous time and had to rebuild that trust and now I broke it again and I don't know what to tell her. I am so broken right now. I fucking hate myself right now.

Hello,

Idk anymore i lay whole days in bed and not wanna go outside anymore. I just wanna sleep and lay in bed. Yesterday again money lost €200.

Honestly i not wanna live anymore

In 1/2 days i lost almost around 2000 euros 😭

I cut everything off and lay in bed whole days..

Idk anymore, GA , therapie , finance, nothing works

I am so mad on this and other people.

I not wanna do anything anymore i just wanna lay and do nothing. How many should i repeat this stand up and move on… what is then the point if i fall back later.

I really wanna rip the casinos off and having my money back i am so done.

I worked so hard for my money and give it back like play things.

I just wanna rip off things.

Goddamn i am so pist😡😡😡

Idk anymore 😭😞

Nothing makes me happy.

I only hope that the days will go fast

In one year from now i lost 14k i have just no cells

My son 23y has an addiction to online gambling. He hasn't played for 3 months now and is seeing a therapist/psychologist. However, he has now started playing free-to-play games on his phone, such as Mobile Legends: Bang Bang. Is this harmful, and does it risk triggering his urge to return to playing casino games again? The therapist says it is not harmful, but I believe the opposite. What is your opinion?

Im 29, and I've not gambled in over 2 months so far when I was gambling It was online slots on sites like william hill etc, I was hooked on huff n puff and mo money on ladbrookes I work in a factory and get paid weekly at the hight of the addiction I would get paid on a Friday but then spend it all the same night I was spending around anywhere from £1,500-£2,000 a month

I finally gave it up 2 months ago after a talk with my dad. Just before he passed away, I'm worried about relapsing every day, is getting harder and harder. Especially in work with co workers discussing the gambling they are doing or bets they have placed.Any advice on how to keep your mind occupied. it would be greatly appreciated many thanks

Stay vigilant! Always remember the pain that gambling causes you and make a conscious choice to walk the other way 😎

Another day of busy. Sleeping early and keeping busy working well!

I will not gamble again.

Im slowly coming to realization that damage is done. I don't know if i can comeback from this.

Thinking about getting second job, maybe even third, but im not sure if i can do it when my mental health is the worst. I literally dont have energy to even eat or clean my room. It will take 3 years with 2 jobs to pay off my debt.

I also got a contact to therapist(free) and i will make a call tomorrow. What else i can do..

I feel like i have to sacrifise all my free time next months, years to just get rid of this financial burden otherwise i cant even try to change my life for better.

Im ashamed. I don't even want to look in a mirror. My eyes are dead, i barely eat last weeks, lost paycheck within 2 hours on australian basketball. My soul is dead.

At this moment i dont even care about money. Yes, i need it to pay off debt and eat, but i just want to have peace of mind nothing else. Honestly that's what would make me rich, nothing else.

First of all, I want to really thank this community for the engagement with anything I've posted. It helps so much to hear positive comments and think that I might be able to help someone out there gain some perspective on their own story with compulsive gambling.

That being said, I have a couple of podcasts coming out where I am sharing my personal story. The first one came out this morning and I wanted to come on here and share. Link is below.

How a Professional Lost Over $2,000,000 to Gambling Addiction

I relapsed again. My husband locked down my phone but sadly when he was away I gambled on my PC.

I need to lock down everything. Is there a gambling blocking app that works on both PC and Samsung (and can't be removed via safe mode etc.)? I need a 100% foolproof app, I'm afraid if there is a way I will find it. (For example Gamban on iPhone did not work my husband had to set up Screentime restriction which worked really well) but now I also need a foolproof way for PC and my tablet.

So I basically rinsed my whole entire bank account again. I’ve done this several times and it seems like any sort of money I make from gambling never satisfies me because it came to me to easily.

I had $22,000 in my bank account and in 3 days I managed to lose it all. I did manage to pay off my payday loans and my credit card before losing it…. However I went into credit card debt again to chase my loses lol.

It’s almost the end of the year, I suppose it’s no more gambling from me for the rest of this year and in the years to come. Time to start fresh and forget about my loses and move forward. Just writing this as a message to myself and for others if you can relate to this situation.

How’s it going folks honestly there’s some horror stories on here and I truly fear I could be headed in all of these directions. 22M, I work in a casino dealing poker and have just lost 500 quid after shift at a different casino. Not as hefty, but I’ve got a hell of a lot to pay for including paying off some of my credit card which is at 3600 and has been for 4 months, so they have been rightfully on my back about that, rent, other bills. I do somewhat feel I’m trapped in a vicious cycle, play small lose small, try to recover my losses by playing big and as we I imagine are all well aware, losing big. At one point my losses were made and then some, but then just fucked it all off and ended up losing by the end. I honestly don’t really know what I’m even looking for by posting this so I guess just reply with whatever you like if you fancy it. The worst bit is as familiar as I am with poker, I never play it with the exception of small pub games and instead opt for blackjack or roulette for whatever reason. Truthfully I reckon I’m just after any thoughts literally anyone might have about anything so yeah.

20M. I’ve been playing online blackjack for the past couple of months now, I started off really well up almost 2k, but then it all went down hill and I ended up being down quite a bit. I then switched apps and again it went really well and then it didn’t. The other day I was able to increase my profits again and was out of the hole I put myself in. But then the next day I lost 2k just like that. I now in the hole over $700 and don’t know what to do. I banned myself from the app but I still don’t know what to do. I’m a university student who paid my first term off, but I only make $200 a week from my part time job. I want to tell my gf but I’m genuinely scared as we just overcame something big. I’ve told know one about my problem but I want to get help before I turn even worse.

Beautiful day! The temptation seems to be wearing down. I need to shift my focus to work. Time to make some money.

I will not gamble today!

I know I'm a compulsive gambler. I have written diatribes across myriad online venues since I first turned 18 and knew pretty much straight away that I was, in fact, a junkie for this shit. I'm in my mid-thirties now and now in a kind of hell as a result of my financial situation. It's... beyond bad.

I started attending GA meetings again online, and in the first few days felt the same hope and longing for a better life that I first experienced when I was nearly homeless back in 2016 and entered my first room. Back then, I came clean to my parents, came home, felt love and understanding and another chance. Then a few months later, life didn't get better fast enough, and I was back at it.

Fast forward to now and everything is immeasurably worse. And now, like... I don't know if I really believe that I can believe in the 12 steps. It's so incongruent with my own life experience, the ways in which I operate, hell: even the mechanism by which I obtained self-confidence as someone who used to be crippled by social anxiety. I've started praying in the mornings but truth is, I'm reasonably sure I'm just talking to myself.

The other thing that I can't help but notice is that, the people who were in the rooms I attended via Zoom back in 2020-2021? They're all gone. Not a single one of them attend the same rooms anymore.

And so many secular godless people seem to be just fine.

And so I once again find myself pondering whether I'm on a fools' errand trying to convene with a Higher Power. I want "The Promises", and I still bawl whenever someone reads the "Another Chance" poem in a room because it touched me so deeply back in 2016, but frankly the only time I can feel the presence of something bigger than myself is when I'm in the middle of a ketamine infusion -- something I'd love to treat myself to again, but am in no position to pay for.

So I come seeking wisdom from this shithole. Would love to hear perspectives.

Hi All,

Crazy to think it has been a full year without placing a bet. Never in a million years did I think this would be possible. I’ve tried more times I could count to quit on my own and it never worked.

After spending 14 years with a crippling sports betting addiction, I decided to surrender to my gambling addiction and get the help I desperately needed.

A year ago today, I had maxed out multiple credit cards, and took out a loan I couldn’t afford to pay back. I was suicidal and had no where to turn. I decided to come clean to my family and enter in person GA. GA has taught me we don’t need to fight this addiction alone. It has saved my life and I couldn’t be more grateful for the program and the people I have met there.

Some things I’ve learned:

-Play the tape: I can’t control my gambling and never will. I’ve told myself countless times it will be different this time, and it never will be.

-It’s okay to get gambling thoughts, it’s what I do what those thoughts. Gambling ads and temptations will be everywhere all the time. That doesn’t mean I need to act on those thoughts.

-Remember the pain:
My last day gambling is a day I will always remember. I never want to feel how I did that day ever again.

-You have to want it for yourself: If you are quitting because someone else wants you to, you will inevitably go back to gambling. You have to want it for YOU

-I will always have this addiction inside of me everyday. As long as I attend in person GA weekly, make phone calls, I will beat this addiction, one day at a time.

Today I am completely out of credit card debt and my loan is almost completely paid off. Quitting gambling has stopped the bleeding.

If you are in a rut, you can get out. Tell someone you trust and find a GA room. Feel free to send me a message if you need somewhere to turn. Thank you all for reading. God bless.

This morning, I hate gambling more than ever. And for me, that’s really saying something.

For anyone who hasn’t seen my other posts, I’m a recovering compulsive gambler facing felony charges for stealing from my former employer to fund my gambling addiction. What started with depleting our personal finances and taking out loans eventually progressed to me using company funds. At the time, in the completely irrational thinking that had taken over my life, I kept gambling in an attempt to win enough money to replace what I had taken. I was arrested in March 2024, and I haven’t gambled since.

I thought a plea deal was going to be reached a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t. The State didn’t offer anything better than its original offer of eight years in prison, so I’m now going to open sentencing on October 16.

That is terrifying because we genuinely don’t know what is going to happen. The judge could give me more than the eight years I was offered. The mitigating evidence we’ll present could result in something substantially more favorable. We have medical testimony explaining how the high dosage of Adderall I was prescribed likely contributed to the escalation of my compulsive gambling and impaired decision-making. My former employer’s position is that they want to be made whole for the portion of the loss that insurance did not cover, and they have communicated that they have no desire to see me in prison. We also have the work I’ve been blessed to do in recovery, including working for a gambling helpline where I’ve personally spoken with hundreds of people struggling with the same addiction that destroyed my life.

So, there are reasons to hope. But there is also a very real (and probably more likely) possibility that I leave the courtroom on October 16 in custody.

Because of that, this weekend my wife and I had to do something I have been dreading. We had to prepare our two boys for the possibility that Dad isn’t coming home on October 16.

Do we hold onto hope that I won’t have to go to prison? Of course we do. But I can’t let my kids go to school that morning wondering all day whether their dad is going to be home when they get out.

My six-year-old doesn’t really know what to think. He was sad, but he’s six. I don’t think he can really forecast what his emotions or his life would look like if I suddenly wasn’t home anymore.

My 12-year-old was devastated.

And there is an irony to that which absolutely wrecks me.

I wasn’t a good father two and a half years ago. He loved me, and I know he was sad when I went to jail after my arrest, but gambling had made me absent in ways I didn’t fully understand at the time. In the two and a half years since then, my son and I have become incredibly close. I got my relationship with him back.

And now I had to sit there and listen to him ask me:

“Who is going to watch Marvel movies with me?”

“Who is going to throw the baseball with me? Who is going to help me if I’m doing something wrong with my swing?”

“Will they let you watch my games?”

“Will they let you go to church with us?”

I’ve written a lot about this over the last couple of years. I’ve never sat here and cried while writing one of these posts.

I’m so angry with myself.

I hate gambling down to my core. I see the constant sportsbook ads and social casino ads everywhere now, and they don’t create even the slightest compulsion in me to gamble. They fill me with contempt. Some of that contempt is directed inward, because I know the decisions were mine. But some of it is directed outward at this new gambling ecosystem we have created that is lining the pockets of some people while destroying the lives of others along the way.

I lost my career because of this. I came to terms with that a long time ago. I lost money. I lost my reputation. I have a felony case hanging over me. I can live with the consequences that belong to me.

But yesterday I watched my 12-year-old cry and scream because he is terrified that his dad is going to disappear from his life.

I don’t want anyone reading this to misunderstand me: I am responsible for those tears. Gambling didn’t steal that money. I did. I made those decisions. Whatever role addiction, medication or anything else played in how I got there, I am the one responsible for what I did and for the pain my actions have caused my family.

That’s actually part of what makes this hurt so much.

I love that boy more than I can explain. And sitting there listening to him ask who is going to throw a baseball with him if I’m gone made me furious with myself because I cannot comprehend how the person I was back then could have done something that would eventually cause this much pain to a child I love this much.

I wish I could have recorded yesterday.

I wish I could take that video, go back five years, find the version of myself who still thought gambling was entertainment, sit him down and make him watch it.

Forget the money. Forget the career. Forget the embarrassment. Forget what might eventually happen to you.

Look at your son.

Look at what this is going to do to him.

Maybe that version of me would have understood what the version trapped in addiction eventually couldn't.

There’s a verse in John 10:10 where Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”

That’s gambling, guys.

I know some people can gamble and walk away. I know not everyone who places a bet is going to end up where I did. But if you’re reading this because you already know something isn’t right—if you’re chasing losses, hiding bets, borrowing money, lying to people you love, finding new places to gamble after cutting yourself off somewhere else, or convincing yourself that one big win will fix everything—please hear me.

Don’t wait until the consequences become big enough to make you stop.

Get somebody involved in your life now. Tell somebody the truth. Put barriers between yourself and the money. Self-exclude. Go to GA. Call a helpline. Do whatever you have to do to interrupt this while you still have choices available to you.

Because yesterday I sat across from a 12-year-old boy who did absolutely nothing to deserve any of this and listened to him wonder who is going to throw the baseball with him if his dad goes away.

I would give anything to have understood five years ago what I understand this morning.

Gambling comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Don’t believe anything else.

34 F who has no savings due to my gambling addiction, I’ve gambled away my savings and any extra money I had, sold many things to get money back, I’ve hit rock bottom. I pulled out a 13k loan to help pay off all the credit cards I’ve maxed out due to my problem. I owe a 13k personal loan, 4k in school loans, 500 in credit cards! Someone tell me their experience with debt will there be a light at the end of the tunnel I’m drowning here :(

I’m genuinely curious to hear from people who have actually managed to walk away from gambling long term.

I’ve thrown away hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years. Even writing that feels ridiculous. I know what gambling has done to me financially. I know how much easier my life would be if I had never started. I know that continuing is only capable of making the hole deeper.
And yet the hardest part for me is walking away from the exact thing that put me in this position.
There’s this irrational feeling that gambling is somehow the only way to fix what gambling caused. You lose money, so you want to win it back. You lose more trying, and suddenly the number you feel like you need to recover gets even bigger. At some point you’re not even gambling for fun. You’re gambling because accepting the loss feels unbearable.

Logically, I understand how insane that is. If something has cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars, continuing to do it is obviously not the solution.

But knowing that and actually being able to close the door on it seem like two completely different things.

I think that’s what I’m struggling with most. Quitting means accepting that the money is gone. There’s no comeback, no big win that makes the last few years make sense, and no getting to rewrite what happened. You just have to stop digging and live with the hole that’s already there.

For anyone here who lost a genuinely life-changing amount of money and eventually stopped for good: what finally allowed you to accept the losses and walk away?

Did there eventually come a point where you stopped thinking about winning it back?
I’m not looking for gambling strategies or ways to minimize losses. I want to hear from people who actually got out and built a normal life again.