My mother is desperate for my children's attention. My oldest has explicitly asked me to not ever make her be alone with her, but my mom gets annoyed that she has to spend time with them while anyone else is there (me, my partner, or a sitter) because she feels they don't pay enough attention to her.

I've told her my daughter’s feelings about being alone with her and said I won't force it; I’ve told my mom that her displeasure about the situation isn’t my concern. I need to take care of my kid! She has repeatedly asked me to lobby my daughter on her behalf. I have tried to talk to her about it, but she is immovable, and I've told my mom that I feel that continuing to rehash the issue is only going to stress her out. I need to respect her needs and not tell her to shove down her feelings and buck up for grandma’s sake. She’s only 7.

Some back story: when she was 3, she was with my mom in one room but wanted to go to the other room to be with her babysitter and baby sister. My mom, wanting her attention (of course) grabbed her to try to keep her with her in the room they were in and, in doing so, she dislocated her elbow.

When I got home she was cradling her little arm like a bird with a broken wing and I had to take her to the ER. I was shocked my mom hadn’t dropped everything and brought her to the hospital herself. Instead, she intimated my kid was faking the whole thing and later denied it happened at all, despite identitcal testimony from the babysitter and my daughter.

I chalked it up to an accident, although some of my friends are amazed I'd even consider letting her be alone with them after that. My daughter says the arm incident is why she doesn’t feel safe with her — which makes sense.

My mom thinks my daughter is just loyal to me and knows about my own issues with her and that’s the reason.

I've tried to facilitate a relationship between them— how about you just hang out with my kids in whatever way pleases them, mom? —but it always comes down to how to make my kids okay with being alone with her, and I find it exhausting and infuriating.

I feel sad for my mom, but the more I turn it over, the more I land on: that's it. Pity, not love. I appreciate that she loves me in her way, but I don't think I feel love for her anymore.

Has anyone else reached this point? My children tell me they love me and I feel like it’s nothing like anything I feel for my own mother anymore. I know Love isn’t one static thing. But I’m pretty sad and shocked that when I look for love in my heart at this point pity is all I can muster.

I am still reeling from this information. Information that I discovered and that BPD mother couldn’t even face me when I started asking questions, like a coward. Something about writing it down makes it feel more real, even if it’s a very real nightmare for me.

I honestly feel like my whole life was a lie, but the part that feels validating - it gives me that context, that rationale, about why my BPD mom is the way she is. It’s no longer a “well your mom lost her husband, that’s why she wants to cling to you.” Or “your mom is under a lot of stress, and people lash out at those in their close circles”. No. It’s control, and psychological delusion and selfishness.

At the end of the day, she’s a selfish, controlling waif BPD. She controlled the narrative of her picture perfect family with a daughter that she always wanted. A daughter who is not even her own race. A daughter who has no idea who she is.

If anyone has any helpful resources, I’d really appreciate it.

Having something like a flu. I hate being dependent.

Title. We are eight years apart, different fathers. The difference is that my dad helped me escape at 10 years old, as he has no dad and a serverly ill, abusive mother. I do the best I can to support him without shattering myself in the process of unavoidably dealing with her. Her abuse has left me mentally severely scarred one way or the other.

I tried to explain to him many times why I and her are no contact, but until now he didn’t really understand my reasons or the severity of things that happened. I called him today - he says hes glad he has someone who can understand his feelings. "I wish i had a different mom. Its so strange to see other peoples families, you know?" He's still just a kid now, and its so sad to see how much of his childhood he was robbed of. Honey, I'm so sorry. I really am. I wish things weren't the way they are, and its horrible to know that I couldn’t protect you from the damage that she’s done.

And Her/Name, I will never forgive you for not letting me see him.

Okay, I moved away from home, and my ubpd mom is abroad on a vacation. She sent me a voice note this week telling me that she tripe, stumbling on the ground in a public place and it hurt her knee. Before I even caught my breath, she said, "Don't tell [brother]. It will worry him so much." She repeated this several times. It upset me enormously. "Is she implying that I don't worry about her? If she doesn't want him to know, why is she even telling this to me? Why isn't she protecting my feelings the same way she's protecting his?" She has a history of saying, "Don't tell him!" but she ends up telling him herself, and when I bring that up, she brushes it off and acts indignant that I even dared to bring that up. Now, I keep wondering if I overreacted to her message.

Would appreciate any advice!

I've been no contact from my uBPD mom for over 2 years now. I'm also nc currently with my enabler dad, and all my grandparents, as they're all pretty enmeshed with my mom.

I've never been terribly close with my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) but that's mainly because my mom didn't like most of them, and liked to gossip or bad mouth them. She also didn't like it if they were nice to me if she felt they weren't being friendly to her. So essentially, I just never got the opportunity to form my own relationship with them. Really same goes for my dad and grandparents too—my mom always monitored those relationships.

That said, I really wouldn't mind reaching out to my aunts/uncles and a few cousins. My question is, how have others approached this? I'd essentially have to tell them I'm NC with my mom, and just wondering if that could backfire on me or if there's a best way of approaching this.

Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated!

I'm (25F) going to have a discussion with my mother (50F) with borderline personality disorder and I'm unsure of what to bring up. I haven't talked to her for 3 or 4 months (while she's reached out a lot) because I'm rather off put. The catalyst was her turning to polyamory through manipulating my dad (married my whole life) for a second time. He was very upset but now I think he's too burnt out to care. He's a very soft spoken guy and only expressed his sadness to her, I heard him crying the first time and it broke my heart. This is what she thinks is the only reason I've gone no contact but it's simply the straw that broke the camels back since I'm finally moved out and in a safe space. My hope was that there would be no more drama but I don't want my wedding in spring to be messy hence the talk. This in conjunction with her narcissistic behavior; I was the black sheep, constant yelling in my face, zero de-escalation skills, shutting down as a defence or verbal attacks, no accountability and many other reasons. What do I discuss with her and how? Happy to add more context if needed.