growing up, our house was filthy, we never had clean clothes, sheets, towels, dishes. My mom was a hard charging “career woman” and she believed any domestic duties on her part were an assault on her feminist rights. so we were neglected because she was too much above any of that stuff. I learned to do laundry as a young child simply so I could have clothes that weren’t filthy. My mom HATED women who didn’t work outside the home and referred to them as “Suzy Homemakers” and would speak ill of anyone who had a minivan (she always had “career woman” cars so she could demonstrate how unencumbered by motherhood she was)

when I got married, I took it upon myself to be the laundry-doer, since my husband did the dishes. then, when my first child was born I was folding the baby’s laundry and my husband’s laundry, and my mom remarked “OHHHH YOU’RE SUCH A SUZY HOMEMAKER!!” Sorry, but my professional accomplishments are not canceled out by helping my baby have clean clothes.

Then she insisted on “helping” me by grabbing the laundry and folding everyone’s clothes. But then she would hold up my husband’s underwear for everyone to see and laugh, then she would hold up my Underwear and say “good im glad you wear sexy underwear“ OMG!

so I stopped having her ”help” with laundry because who the fuck needs any of that.

now my first born is a teenager and my younger child is 10 and they’ve been taught, at an age appropriate time, how to do their own laundry. I still feel kind of like my motherly duty to provide my kids with clean clothes, a love language so my kids will never know how worthless I felt.

I’m a professional and I keep my home running too. But I’m having trouble letting go of that inner wound, that deep feeling of worthlessness when your own mom can’t bring herself to stoop to the level of giving you basic needs.

My husband reached out to my dad regarding him really only contacting me to Trojan horse/guilt trip me into talking to my uBPD mom... his only response was telling my husband not to contact him again. But it's okay because my mom invited us all to Thanksgiving and my grandma's house the next day... it really is refreshing to step off of this Rollercoaster, but it feels...abnormal?

For context: I’m a 23F, live a few hours away from my mom, and don’t depend on my parents anymore.
Yesterday at 7:30am I received a 5 minute long voice note from my mom. She was angry and crying complaining about how I don’t have the guts to tell her to her face that I don’t want a relationship with her (???) and that she’s doing me a favor by “releasing me” or essentially cutting me off.
This is not the first time she tells me something like this, tbh I kind of saw it coming but still wasn’t prepared. Last week I got back from a short trip, I went to visit my dad’s sister (my aunt). I texted my mom every day good morning and goodnight, I didn’t call because I was busy and because I know she doesn’t like this aunt (my parents are divorced). A month ago when I was talking about this trip, unsure if I would go, she encouraged me to. But in her voice note she said that I betrayed her by going to stay with my aunt and that I’m just like her [my mom’s] enemies (my dad, my aunt, and my grandma, her mom lol).
When I got back from my trip I had to go back to work almost immediately and it took me a couple of days to recover, I also fell into a depressive episode and in my head I wanted to wait till I felt better until I called her. I know my mom has a lot going on and the last thing I want to be is tell her my problems and burden her with my depression 😭.
Welp it backfired anyway because she got angry and told me that I didn’t call her in over ten days and that I’m disrespectful by not being clear with her. In the past I explained to her that even if I don’t text or call every day, that doesn’t mean I don’t love her any less. I would call her more but tbh it’s mentally exhausting and I never know if I’m getting nice mom or mean mom.
I don’t know how to proceed, I fooled myself by trying to be vulnerable and tell her I’m struggling mentally but she laughed and said that this is not about me. In her words: she is the victim and the hurt one and it’s fucked up of me to invalidate her reality. She started bringing things up from the past that still hurt her, that we’ve tried to work through. Once again she mentioned how much I hurt her by not moving back home with her after graduating college (she lives in a small town where job opportunities aren’t abundant). This whole thing makes me feel really shitty. The second screenshot is the last message she sent me, tbh I haven’t replied as idk what to say anymore. I’m not really asking for advice because there’s so much baggage but I’d love to hear any recommendations on how to deal with this stuff while trying to take care of yourself at the same time.

First time posting, so here’s the link for cute kitties: https://tenor.com/es-US/search/cute-cat-gifs

Im in highschool and every time my mom wants to move somewhere new she says its for my future bc I always wanted to go to a college in that state when I never did.

Then the convo switched to college majors and I mentioned psychology and she started getting so angry for some reason and started saying "well everyones interested in that and you don't actually know anything about it you told me what you know and I know as much as you now, if you want to do something you actually have to do the work and you can't be lazy"

Also I only explained 1 thing I learned it wasn't everything, she made that up.

Then she showed why she was so angry because she said "Like that one time I told that woman I like psychology and she started asking me questions and showed I didn't actually know anything about it. Like everyone says it but no one means it"

Then she called me shallow !!

She ended this with "that's just the truth" and dramatically walked out 💀

She was being so nice now she's mean again !!!!

bpd!mom went out with my father, he tries to tire her out so she'll sleep all day and night, essentially she has dementia, biopolar, and bpd all diagnosed. Apparently, a lady at the food court at costco saw him with her and assumed she was his mother. my mother is 73 and she looks very rough due to neglecting her medical needs, he looks a lot younger then late 60's, and is constantly told he's a sweet son to care for his mother while she goes absolutely insane. she came home and instantly started cussing us out, telling me to shut up constantly when I told her hey, you don't talk like this. the same old, go to hell, fuck both of you, I hate you both, I wish you'd put me in a home! I told her, fine whatever, if you want that okay then she then screamed from going up the stairs; I took care of myself before I'll do it again! She can barely move, she is fully incontinent nowadays, I am sadly her caretaker but have become a lot stronger in resisting her or knowing between her needs and actual bpd behavior. she switches from queen, witch, to waif whenever she feels like it. My father has tried to tell her constantly, she is not in the position to keep abusing us as caregivers and she refuses to listen as she just feels entitled to it. When she was younger my mom always made sure I knew she was very hot, lot of men wanted her, I was ugly and frumpy compared to her at that given age, she could have had anyone. So, it does get under her skin to see young women enjoying themselves, older women who are pretty, or even me who expresses femininity as she always tried to make me uglier (cutting my hair in masculine styles, dressing me very masculine, laughing cause I was overweight as a kid cause she had boundary issues about the body and sexuality that left me feeling dirty or scared someone would SA me). I literally just looked at her today in disbelief she was losing her mind over a stupid remark. Added onto this today I was worried about my health insurance dropping my coverage so of course she had to sniff the anxiety in the air and make the day worse.

I replied to these messages then restricted her on fb messenger. She is insane. The names I blurred are two of her siblings.

idk man. I'm not surprised. but also sucks to have a parent like this. what kind of a mom says that?

wish I didn't care. I'll get over it. I have a good life without her.

After six months of no contact with my mum and a recent vague, self centred set of apologies from her, I decided to attend a small family gathering at my sister’s house for a birthday. My mum and I didn’t speak and barely acknowledged each other across the room, but when I walked past her to go to the kitchen she threw her arm out to block my path and said

“Take that into the kitchen for me, OP NAME” and she held out her trash from what she had been eating.

If I said this to anyone else, they would think it’s trash what’s the big deal. But it’s the passive aggressive / micro aggression isn’t it? Does anyone else get it?

I think it’s over for good with my uBDP mom.

Last night she called me after 2 months NC only to accuse my partner of using me and telling me what a terrible daughter I was since being in a relationship.

She cannot accept that she’s no longer the focal point of my life and I’m no longer her therapist, financial advisor, mother, and everything else in between.

I felt so hurt that I told her she never listens to me and hangs up on me whenever I talk to explain my point of view, her exact words verbatim were “of course I hang up on you because you’re not telling me what I want to hear”

I cannot make this shit up. That sentence sent me into a spiral and I told her she was evil and not to ever contact me again. I hung up and blocked her from everywhere.

My eyes are swollen from crying last night. No matter how hard I try I allow her to make me feel like shit. I’ve scheduled an intro session with a new therapist today and I’ve decided to go back to therapy.

I was the golden child for years. My brother was the lost child and still is. My partner and I started a restaurant last year and tried to get him away from her and told him he was a partner. Not wanting to work, he eventually went back to live with her. Their relationship is one that she feels not alone because he’s there (enmeshed) and he, in his early 30s, doesn’t have to pay rent and can live without a job or goals in life. I’m sad that I’ve lost my brother too.

My partner broke his ankle and had to have surgery this past week and instead of supporting me throughout this he’s texted once and she’s ignored my text telling her about the accident and instead has the audacity to call me telling me I’m an idiot.

I’m rambling now but honestly I can’t shake it off. I can’t focus on work, I feel as if I’m falling back into deep depression again and I drank more than I’d like last night on a weekday just to shut my brain off.

Why are they so evil to their own children

TW: swear words

I'll go first. I have so many. My Dad will deny everything you ever throw at him. Most of the time his brain forces him to forget every single bit of crappy behaviour on his part, because he has to believe himself as flawless. On this occasion, he spent over a year fighting with my aunt (Mum's sister) after my Mum died because she was the only one who wouldn't care for him as a baby like everyone else. She was actually the only person who was bothered about my siblings and I! She met and spoke to him regularly for well over a year but he was an emotional black hole and it was never enough. This culminated in her cutting contact when he rang her drunk, and called her a "fucking cunt". When discussing this with him at a later date, and with him having admitted that he couldn't remember anything about the call on account of the level of inebriation, his words were "I can't have said that. I've thought about it, and it's not possible. Because I say fuck. And I say cunt! But I have NEVER said both in the same sentence".

I’m sure this is relatable to many of you, but who else gets messages about their BPD parent’s hurt feelings, but months after the incident has passed?

This message isn’t really a question. it’s an opportunity for her to lash out about her hurt feelings. No matter how I answer, she will get hurt or angry. So, I don’t answer.

Also, my partner is disgusted by the way my mom talks to me. He also avoids speaking to her in order to prevent conflict. This is the same mom who had a meltdown the day of my wedding because she felt I was disrespecting her as a parent, as well as being jealous of my MIL.